everything is under the cut so that it’s easy to scroll past!
Stranger Things
Robin Buckley
- i cannot fall in love with you
- you definitely didn’t believe in first sight. that is, until you meet a certain girl at an ice cream shop.
Steve Harrington
- the past is behind us, now
- years of dealing with upside downs and monsters aren’t easy to forget, but who are you going to call when traumatic nightmares keep you from sleeping?
- we’re living in a dream, baby
- robin and steve bring you to a pool party. one problem: you’re a tad insecure about how you look in a bikini.
- life is a daydream
- movie nights with the party are more fun when you have some help babysitting.
- 100 bad days
- you and steve reminisce in the bathroom of a party.
- the elevator
- when a russian elevator crashes about a million feet, who’s gonna comfort you when you’re panicking?
- the scars will heal
- you work at the pool when billy seems to be acting... odd. luckily, a certain someone comes to your rescue.
- broken sighs and broken hearts
- steve gets his heart broken by nancy wheeler. who better to comfort him than the girl who’s been in love with him for years?
- what makes a dream come true?
- steve won’t let you be alone for another sleepless night.
- pull me in the deep end, now / part two
- steve doesn’t think the look of love in movies is realistic. you’re about to prove him wrong.
- distance makes the heart grow fonder / part two
- you’re going off to college, but steve has a final confession to make before you leave
- don’t believe in much but i believe in you
- vecna takes you when you’re in the upside down, but there’s no walkman with you, and steve has to come to the rescue.
- we’re just friends, right?
- steve keeps going on dates, and it’s only so long before your bottled up feelings explode
- everything means nothing if i can’t have you
- you and steve go on a double date, but spend the entire time trying to impress the other
The Amazing Spiderman
Peter Parker
- fall for her (nobody else)
- you’ve never loved anyone the way you love peter. luckily, it seems that love is requited.
- my heart never stops beating (for you)
- peter’s scared of losing you, but you’re not going anywhere.
- now i’m no longer alone
- peter’s love language being physical touch.
Marvel
Peter Parker
- the memories of a life i never lived [finished] (one) (two) (three) (four) (five) (six) (seven)
- after the events of no way home, no one remembers peter. that is, until you start to have dreams of a mysterious teenage boy that your father seemed to have known.
- you first met peter maximoff when you were thirteen. who knew you two would fall in love years later at xavier’s school for gifted mutants?
- i love you, i mean it [finished] (one) (two) (three) (four) (five) (six) (seven) (eight) (nine)
- when doctor strange asks you to babysit a kid from another universe, you never expected him to be so cute.
- music to my ears
- you and peter both have a habit of stealing.
- oh, kiss me one more time
- peter hates the rain. at least, until he meets you.
- as fear strikes his heart
- what if some of magneto’s powers were passed down to his son?
The Witcher
Jaskier
- but it’s the wrongs that make the words come to life
- jaskier drinks a love potion, but he doesn’t feel any different. he starts to realize that maybe he had feelings for you all along.
- it must be fate, i found a place for us
- the baker’s daughter in a small town notices the bard shoving food in his clothes, and you decide to help him out.
- but the waves (oh the waves)
- you and jaskier run into some trouble on the road, and some feelings come to light when you’re washing the blood off your shirts.
- and i’ll run (love run)
- you and julian pankratz planned to travel the world until you’re taken to become a mage. when you travel to lettenhove with a bard named jaskier, you find how close to him you always were.
- a victim of my own infatuation
- you fall victim to a hanahaki curse. the only cure is to have your beloved love you back. luckily, a certain bard has been harboring feelings for you for quite some time.
- inkpot gods
- songfic based on inkpot gods by the amazing devil, showcasing reader and jaskier’s different reactions when the one they loved is injured
Outer Banks
JJ Maybank
- silence feels better with you [finished] (one) (two) (three) (four) (five) (six)
jj breaks up with you after he spends too much time around his father. however, the world keeps finding ways to bring you two back together
- from strangers to friends, to strangers again
- you and jj get into a fight, kicking you out of the group. rafe cameron stirs some trouble at a party and you stick up for jj despite not being on speaking terms. confessions ensue.
- you’re the closest thing to heaven i’ll ever be
- you bring jj to a farmer’s market on figure eight, but it’s not long before he gets himself into trouble
- she’s something like a miracle
- jj’s nicknames for you end up causing a surprisingly heartwarming moment when someone overhears
- if i could i would be anybody else
- reader lets her insecurities get the best of her, but jj refuses to let her wallow alone
- i’m on my own in your arms tonight
- jj is a very affectionate person, and reader is touch starved. they navigate a budding relationship while she gets used to his affections.
- now i’m fallin’ in faster
- based on disaster, by conan gray. reader thinks jj doesn’t like her, but one accidental confession proves her wrong.
- i’m not me without you
- kook!reader and jj have a falling out, but when jj sees her drunk at a party, instinct takes over and he helps her anyway.
- my brain holds too many poisons
- songfic based on stupid mistakes by lovelytheband. jj confesses to kook!reader, but she already has a boyfriend. once they distance themselves, reader sees how much she needs jj in her life
hot take! (this shouldn’t be a hot take) let’s not use AI on fics because it just ruins the whole point and experience 😭 be creative yall. if yall are gonna do it, don’t post it publicly. (everything i’ve read that has been written by AI has the worst plot lines and are written in the worst ways.)
A/N: haha... hey... back from the dead lol, i got hit with a massive writer's block and then a multiple month long project but i finally finished this series!!!
Previous Chapter
The next morning came sooner than you’d like – warm rays of sun streaming through the sheer curtains in the guest room at John B’s house slowly stirring you from your restless slumber. You blinked a few times, bleary-eyed as you came to.
It took a few moments to register the weight of JJ’s arms around your waist, holding you to him in his sleep like a vice as if you’d disappear if he let go for a second.
Your slight movement was enough to rouse JJ from a deep sleep, his grasp around your waist tightening as he opened his eyes, taking a moment to wake up, his gaze falling to you.
“You’re still here.” He mumbled, his voice a little hoarse.
“Of course I am.” You glanced up at him, heart aching at the sight before you. It was all too familiar, staring up at him half asleep, cuddled up to you as if you’d never split apart.
As if he never left you.
JJ didn’t look away from you. He couldn’t. His eyes raked over your features, trying to memorize the sight in front of him.
“Does your head hurt?” You asked quietly, trying not to be too loud in case of his inevitable hangover.
He shook his head, though you saw him wince slightly at the movement. “It’s not so bad. I just- I need to talk to you. I really need to-”
You forced yourself to nod, your mouth going dry watching him adjust slightly beside you, preparing to talk.
“You didn’t say you loved me.” JJ started, glancing down at his lap. He pulled his lighter from his pocket, flicking it open and closed so he had something to do besides agonize over this conversation.
“What?”
“Last night.” His voice was gruff, forcing the words out. “You didn’t say you still loved me after I-”
“You were drunk, JJ.” Part of you was surprised he even remembered the conversation from the night before, but the look in his eyes showed how much this had weighed on his mind. You could see the bitter smile grace his face, shaking his head slightly.
“I’m not drunk right now.”
He has yet to look up from his lighter, continuing to fiddle with it.
“JJ-”
“Did I ruin everything?” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, clenching and unclenching his fist around the lighter. “I mean- I know I did, but- is there no going back this time? Is this, like, permanent?”
You couldn’t find the words to respond, staring up at him softly. The way his voice broke was like a stab in the gut.
At your silence, JJ cursed under his breath, leaning his head back against the headboard.
“You didn’t ruin everything.” You managed, seeing how broken he seemed.
His head snapped up, looking at you intently, his expression unreadable.
With a shaky breath, you continued. “I really care about you, JJ. I don’t think anything could make me stop caring about you.”
His gaze didn’t falter for a second, hanging onto your words like a lifeline.
“We keep ending up here.” Tucking your knees up to your chest and hugging yourself, you tried to keep yourself together under JJ’s stare. “One of us always needs the other and we always come crawling back without a second thought no matter how long we’ve been broken up.”
“And then we split up again,” JJ said under his breath.
“And then we split up again.” You nodded grimly.
Silence filled the room, suffocating the two of you.
All you could think about was the night before, how JJ confessed to you how much he needed you, how he had clearly been spiraling, the way he clung to you-
“I wish I could just go back and do it over,” JJ whispered.
He’d looked away from you again, focused once again on his lighter.
“What would you do differently?” Your voice was as quiet as his, as if speaking too loud would destroy the moment between you two.
There was a beat of silence as JJ leaned back, staring up at the ceiling in thought.
“I would’ve listened more, I think.” He finally said with a shaky sigh.
He fell silent again, and you didn’t dare speak up, watching his brows furrow, thinking.
“I don’t know.” He continued. “I’ve thought about it for months and I feel like it always ends the same.”
“With you leaving?” The way his shoulders slumped made you regret your words in an instant.
JJ’s expression was distant, staring blankly forward – the way it always looked when he got a little too in his own head.
“You said you didn’t think you were meant for happiness.” Despite how quiet your voice was, JJ’s attention snapped back to you, his brows furrowing.
“When?”
“Last night. Right before you passed out.”
He shifted in the bed, sighing heavily. “Oh.”
“Do you actually think that?”
The defeated expression on JJ’s face told you all you needed to know.
“JJ.” You sat up slightly, shifting closer to him. Putting a hand on his knee, all you wanted was for him to just look at you.
“I didn’t wanna drag you down.” He choked out the words, forcing his focus onto his lighter to avoid the sadness in your eyes. The pity. That’s what always killed him.
Even still, he could feel his argument waning, wanting so badly to believe you really wanted to keep him around.
“You don’t get to make that choice for me, JJ. You can’t just leave because you think it’s what’s best for me.” You tried to stay firm, but JJ could hear the waver in your voice.
“I know.” He whispered.
You shook your head, shifting to face him fully. “JJ, I’m serious.”
“I know.” He repeated, still not looking at you.
“I wasn’t better off without you.”
“I figured you would get there.” The weakness in his voice, the way he couldn’t look at you, felt almost like a guilty child caught red-handed.
“I didn’t. I wouldn’t. JJ-” He tensed when you moved closer to him again.
When he finally looked at you, you stopped trying to move closer, staring up at him.
“JJ, I love you.” The slight smile you’d tried to manage fell when you saw how JJ deflated.
“I know you did-”
“No. JJ. I love you.” You stared up at him, pleading. He stayed silent, not letting the words sink in. Not daring to let his hopes rise.
“I know-”
“You’re not listening.” You knew JJ better than anyone. The way he was spiraling, you knew he wasn’t letting your words break through. The way his brows furrowed, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“I’m trying.” He muttered.
“I love you.” You repeated once more. “I love you.”
His eyes were a little brighter when he looked down at you, trying not to let the warmth in his chest get to him. “Didn’t you move on?”
A laugh escaped you, appalled at the idea. “Jesus, JJ, is there any world where I could move on from you?”
He finally let himself smile, shoving his lighter into his pocket in favor of resting his hand on your knee. “I dunno. Maybe.”
Your lips curled up into a grin, leaning up closer to his face. “You’re such an idiot.”
“Uh huh?” Without letting you respond, he pulled you closer, closing the gap between your lips. One hand fell to your waist, his grip tightening imperceptibly, his other hand moving to cup your cheek, keeping you as close as possible. The world could be burning to the ground and JJ wouldn’t notice a thing.
He sighed into the kiss, feeling like he’d taken the first breath of fresh air in months.
“Hey-” You pulled back slightly, almost laughing at the way he whined, frowning at the loss of contact. “You’re not gonna leave again, right?”
“Not a chance in hell.” He grinned, pulling you close to kiss you again.
A/N: hihi i'm back!! i was mostly done with this chapter and then my computer broke so i couldn't finish it up until a few days ago but it's finally here and now there's only one chapter left!!
Previous Chapter - Next Chapter
It was six months post-breakup.
Kie stood in the middle of your bedroom, slowly inspecting the room, her gaze eventually falling on a dresser drawer you’d left slightly open. Taking a few steps to get to it, she pulled out a few old envelopes. Notes JJ had written you during the relationship. Little things, usually one sentence long scrawled on a torn-off piece of paper that he’d shoved in your locker. ‘You look cute today.’ ‘You coming to JB’s later?’ Simple things that made you smile.
“You still have these?” She asked, holding one up for you to read. ‘This class is boring. Wanna ditch?’
You stared longingly at the note, forgetting yourself for a moment. Kiara sighed, regretting grabbing the note as she shoved it back into the drawer.
“Sorry.”
You shook your head, forcing a smile onto your face. “It’s alright. I don’t even look at them anymore.”
It was a lie. You both knew it, but neither wanted to acknowledge it aloud. They were almost like a nighttime ritual for you at this point, reading a few until your heart ached then reluctantly shoving them away and falling into a restless sleep.
“Well,” Kiara gave you a sad smile, reaching out to gently grab your wrist, pulling you towards the bed. “This is a strictly boy-free night. C’mon.”
You let her pull you onto your bed, sitting beside her. She leaned over to turn off the light, pulling the covers over the both of you and giving you one last look to make sure you were okay.
Once she decided you were fine, she settled into the bed, shutting her eyes. You sighed to yourself, deciding to do the same thing, trying to let sleep overtake you.
-
You were awoken by the loud vibrating of your phone against your bedside table. With a frustrated groan, you sat up in bed, glancing at Kie. She’s still half asleep, though starting to slowly blink her eyes open.
“What the hell?” She muttered, rolling over in bed to face you.
You grabbed your phone, not bothering to look at the number as you answered the call.
“Hello?” Your voice was still groggy from sleep, rustling the bed sheets a little as you sat up.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” John B’s voice rang out on the other end. You stiffened, straightening up in bed. Kiara tilted her head at you.
“Uh, just a little bit. What’s up?” Kiara tugged at your shirt, giving you a look, mouthing what’s going on?
“So I know this really isn’t your priority or anything anymore, but JJ’s really fucked up.” Even his name still made you freeze up. Shit.
John B let out a sigh, sounding just as exhausted as you felt.
“He’s really drunk and he won’t stop asking for you. Me and Pope have been trying to deal with him all night but he’s just gotten worse. Can you just come deal with him? Just for tonight?”
“I’m with Kie right now-” She perked up slightly at her own name, tugging at your shirt sleeve again.
You heard shuffling on the other line, sitting patiently waiting for a response.
“Hey!” The shuffling finally stopped when Pope’s voice rang in your ear, full of frustration. “Can you please come deal with him?”
You rolled your eyes, leaning back in the bed. “Pope-”
“He’s being insufferable right now, okay? Everything we do or say makes him talk about you and I can barely understand what he’s trying to say half the time. You’re coming to get him, end of story.”
You didn’t have time to protest before Pope hung up on you.
“Was that Pope?” Kiara asked tiredly when you put your phone back on the bedside table.
“And John B.” You muttered, reluctantly getting out of bed in spite of Kiara’s sleepy protests. “They need me to deal with JJ.”
“Seriously?” Kiara sat up, fully awake now. “Why can’t they deal with him?”
“He got too drunk.” You grabbed your keys, sighing.
“When does he not?” She threw the covers off herself, starting to get out of bed.
“He’s asking for me.”
“When does he not?”
You hesitated, casting a glance in her direction. There was an unspoken conversation between the two of you, and Kiara instantly realized there was no arguing with you.
-
The drive to John B’s wasn’t long, but your nerves felt fried by the time you arrived. You had a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel the whole way, barely blinking as you stared out at the dark road ahead of you.
When you finally walked into the Chateau, Pope and John B were trying to keep JJ from getting up off the couch as he mumbled something incoherent.
“Thank god.” Pope sighed, hanging his head low.
“Can you get him into the guest room?” John B asked, visibly relaxing at the sight of you. He let go of JJ long enough that he sat up, immediately trying to get to his feet once he saw you.
Part of you thought JJ had been doing okay after the breakup, that maybe you’d been burdening him every time you called him for help after months of not speaking. Every time you’d seen him he looked at least relatively put together. Tired, but put together.
This was something unrecognizable.
His hair was a mess and his eyes were red and puffy from crying despite the growing smile on his face at the sight of you. There were dirt stains on his shirt and shorts as well as wet spots on his shirt where he spilled one of his many drinks. His steps were unsteady as he approached you.
“Hey.” He reached forward, tugging you toward him by the front of your shirt. “You look pretty.”
Your heart sped up a bit, trying to force back a smile. “Let’s get you to bed.”
After about five grueling minutes of struggling to get JJ into the guest room, he collapsed onto the bed with a grunt. He looked up at you, bleary-eyed.
“You look so pretty.”
You stiffened, trying to calm your beating heart with a forced smile.
“C’mon, under the covers.” You said gently, only to be met with drunken protests.
When you finally managed to get JJ’s combat boots off and helped him under the covers, he was still staring at you, a lazy grin painting his face.
“You’re here.”
“Yeah.” You whispered, grabbing a water bottle from the nightstand and handing it to him. “Here, drink.”
He took it, sitting up slightly and downing it in one go, grinning up at you like he’d impressed you as he set the empty bottle down. It made you smile despite yourself, leaning him back against the pillows so he would lie down.
“You staying?” He asked quietly, instinctively reaching a hand out to tug at the hem of your shirt.
At your silence, he frowned.
“Please?”
It was surprising how easily you caved when JJ begged you to do something. With a tight smile, you nodded, taking a seat beside him on the bed. Wordlessly, he helped pull the covers over you.
The only sound that filled the room was the shuffling of the bedsheets as JJ shifted closer to you. You looked down at your lap, entirely aware of JJ’s gaze on you.
“I missed you.” He whispered into the silence of the room and god, as if that wasn’t the biggest understatement of his life.
He straightened up in his spot on the bed, trying to get you to look at him.
“I miss you.”
He waited for you to respond with bated breath, trying to gauge your reaction when you finally looked at him.
“JJ-” The tone in your voice made him tense.
“No.” Despite how drunk he was, it seemed he was determined to talk this through with you. His hand fell to your arm as he tried to get you to listen to him. “I can’t- I can’t run away again. I keep just-” He let out a bitter laugh. “John B’s on my ass about talking to you. Says I’m spiraling.”
It didn’t take a genius to see that he very clearly was just by the bags under his bloodshot eyes and the way he won’t stop fidgeting, running his hands through his hair or reaching into the pocket of his cargo shorts to fiddle with his lighter.
“Anyways,” He inhaled shakily, forcing a smile. “You’re here.”
You tried to smile back. “I’m here.”
He shifted so he was facing you straight on. “I need to talk to you.”
A quiet laugh escaped you. “You’ve been talking, JJ.”
Your eyes widened slightly when he put a hand over your mouth, silencing you. “No- okay- I’ve been really stupid. Like, really stupid. I didn’t wanna break up with you.”
The mention of your breakup made your shoulders slump slightly.
“I loved you. I still do, I really really do. I know I ruined things, believe me, I know.”
“Why did you leave?” JJ instantly swallowed his words at your whispered plea, unable to look you in the eye for a moment.
“Because you’re too good for me.” He had to force the words out, his mouth feeling like it was full of chalk.
You stared at him, tilting your head slightly in confusion, your gaze softening.
“Don’t look at me like that.” He found himself distracted by you again as his hand found your jawling, his thumb rubbing along your cheek. “You scare the hell out of me sometimes.”
You couldn’t help but lean into JJ’s touch, sighing softly. “Why’s that?”
“Cause I don’t know what made you choose me.” His voice was soft, unsure. “You’re so beautiful and smart and- you have your shit together and- you’re actually gonna go somewhere in life. I just didn’t wanna drag you down.”
You frowned. “Drag me down?”
“Yes, drag you down. Are you kidding?” JJ scoffed. “I see the way people look at you when you’re with me. Like I’m some charity case.”
“I don’t look at you like that.”
JJ pulled back slightly, letting go of you in favor of running a hand through his hair. “I know. Jesus, I know. I just don’t get it. Why do you love me? Why did you love me?”
Before you could answer, he shook his head. “No. Sorry, don’t answer that. It’s my turn to talk. I need to- okay, I know I’m drunk and not making any sense but please let me talk.”
He took your silence as permission to continue.
“I love you so much. Of course I didn’t want to lose you. Of course I didn’t want to lose the one good thing going for me, okay? But- I knew I was dragging you down. I could feel it. So- so I ended it before you could.”
Your heart ached at the pain in his voice. You’d always known JJ was insecure, but you could never get used to the way he talked about himself. “JJ, I wasn’t going to- I would never-”
“I know. I know, okay? I do now, I just- fuck.” JJ reached for you, absentmindedly fiddling with your hoodie strings. “I ruined everything.”
You sighed softly, running your thumb along his cheek. The gentle touch almost made him flinch.
“You didn’t.” You tried to say, but he just forced out a wry laugh.
“I lost you.”
You frowned, trying to calm him down. “I’m right here, aren’t I?”
Slowly, hesitantly, JJ looked up at you, a barely restrained desperation in his eyes. You felt his hand slide its way up to your shoulder, clinging to you.
“I love you.” His voice rang out into the quiet of the room.
You blinked away tears, trying so hard to stay composed. His other hand found its way to your arm.
“Tell me you still love me.” He whispered, clutching your arm a little tighter, trying to pull an answer from you that he knew he didn’t deserve.
Your mouth felt dry, a sickness rising in your throat as you gently laid him back down in the bed. As much as you wanted to answer him, this was not a conversation you wanted to have while he was still drunk out of his mind. “You need to get some sleep, JJ.”
JJ didn’t say a word, letting you move him with ease. You laid down beside him, resting your head on his chest like you’d done a million times before, in much better circumstances. He wrapped an arm around you, shutting his eyes tightly, trying to hold onto the emotions threatening to make him explode.
“Sometimes I don’t think I’m meant for happiness.” He whispered, not looking up at you.
You tensed, shifting slightly so you could look up at him. By the time you could even find the words to respond, he was already asleep.
Warnings: Reader goes on a date and he's kinda gross
Words: 2.2K
A/N: hiii! i'm back lol, i got hit with writer's block then a wave of college stuff, but i'm super excited about the next two chapters so those should be out sooner than later!!
Previous Chapter - Next Chapter
Four and a half months since the breakup.
It was only a little over a month since you’d last seen JJ. Since he disappeared before you woke up. Since you were left alone to pick up the pieces of your broken heart.
Again.
You had tried to move on.
While you still hadn’t blocked his number, you’d done good on not texting or calling him.
Kiara helped as much as she could. You spent most nights at her house, struggling to forget the memories of your ex-boyfriend.
She brought you along to parties – ones that she knew JJ wasn’t going to, neither of you wanting to deal with an awkward run-in. She even encouraged you to go on a date with a guy who asked you out at one of the parties you’d been to. Some kook named Trevor that had given you his number after having a few drinks.
After spending hours debating on what to wear, you were stood in front of your floor-length mirror. There was a pile of clothes on your bed, a testament to how many options you’d gone through before deciding on a simple dress you’d gotten a few weeks ago. You triple-checked your appearance, adjusting the dress slightly when you heard a car horn outside.
With your stomach in knots, you grabbed your bag and made your way out to the car Trevor sat in.
Part of you couldn’t help but remember all the times JJ had picked you up for dates, knocking at your door and waiting with a fistful of flowers he’d swiped from your neighbor’s gardens and a snarky comment about how expensive bouquets are. He’d open the passenger side door for you, pressing a kiss to your cheek before shutting it and getting into the driver’s seat.
You pushed the thoughts away, opening the door and sitting in the passenger seat of Trevor’s expensive car with a forced smile. He glanced up and down at your dress, grinning in a way that made you tug the hem down slightly to cover your thighs.
“Ready?” He asked, already starting to drive off.
“Yeah.” You said quietly, your gaze turning to stare outside the window, not listening as Trevor began to rant about the restaurant he was taking you to. All you gathered was that it was expensive, but you really weren’t able to focus on what he was saying as you watched your house grow smaller in the distance.
-
He had barely parked the car before he was heading into the building, leaving you to trail behind him, almost jogging to catch up with him. You glanced up at the name of the restaurant, remembering that JJ had worked here for a few months before “moving on” to a new job – which was always how he phrased it when he got fired.
When you walked in, you were directed to your table, sitting across from Trevor with a practiced smile.
You spent most of the date silent, letting Trevor ramble on about anything and everything he wanted to, realizing more and more that this wouldn’t go further than one night. Every little aspect of his personality contrasted so much with JJ's that it almost gave you whiplash. Where JJ was attentive and caring, always watching your mood and making sure you were comfortable and enjoying yourself, Trevor barely acknowledged you, far too focused on himself to notice you.
You tuned back into the conversation when he was in the middle of talking about how his parents had lowered his monthly allowance, gesturing wildly as he explained how cruel it was for them to do that to him.
“I mean, it’s insane, right?” He continued angrily while you picked at your food with your fork. “I mean, what do they think, I’m a pogue?”
You bristled at the comment but stayed silent. Nodding numbly, you forced a smile that didn’t quite meet your eyes – not that he was even looking at you.
When he reached across the table to grab your hand, you jolted backward, the chair scraping against the wood flooring as you stood abruptly.
“I have to go to the bathroom.” You mumbled as you grabbed your bag, rushing off to the back of the restaurant. He hadn’t followed you, and if he said anything, you weren’t listening.
Once you made it to the bathrooms, you glance back at the table where Trevor’s sitting. The waitress had come by, and even from where you stood, you could see he was chatting her up.
A heavy sigh escaped your lips, fishing your phone out of your bag and scrolling through your contacts, writing off each and every person on the list. Half of them were asleep, out of town, at work-
JJ’s name was suddenly staring you straight in the face, your thumb hovering over his contact. It felt like a cruel twist of fate knowing that he was the only one you knew would be able to help you. He always was.
You shot one more quick glance back to your date before you sighed again, pressing the call button.
It didn’t even take two rings before he picked up.
“Hello?” You relaxed a little at JJ’s voice, only now realizing how tense you’d been the entire night.
“Hey, uh-” Suddenly, you faltered, embarrassed. “Can you... come pick me up?”
JJ forced out a weak chuckle, hoping his laugh didn’t sound as strained as it felt. “What, did your car break down again?”
“No.” You said quickly, cringing at how defensive you sounded. “I’m just… on a date. And the guy is a real shithead and I just can’t-”
“You’re on a date?” JJ interrupted, and you swore there was at least an ounce of bitterness in his tone.
You fell silent, hesitating. “JJ-”
“You’re calling your ex on a date?” In an instant, the bitterness is gone, replaced with JJ’s signature smugness.
“JJ.” Your voice is more firm than you expected, and he goes quiet instantly. “Please, can you just pick me up?”
There’s a short pause that makes your heart sink. A few seconds pass where you think you’ve finally lost JJ for good.
“Send me your location.”
-
Sneaking around to the entrance of the restaurant didn’t prove difficult, especially considering how distracted Trevor was by the waitress.
You took a seat on a bench just outside, watching happy couples leaving their romantic dinner dates that surely went better than yours. Each pair that left the restaurant made you deflate even more, practically turning green with envy at how in love they all seemed.
JJ’s headlights stopping in front of the restaurant finally shifted your focus, though your mood was no better when you climbed into the car.
He gives you a tight-lipped grin, glancing at you.
“You good?” He asked gently.
“Yeah.” You adjusted yourself as you sat down, buckling your seatbelt. “Let’s just go.”
He nodded, staring at you for a moment, waiting until you were fully settled before shifting back into drive and starting to pull out of the parking lot.
“That a new dress?” JJ asked quietly, breaking the thick silence that had begun to grow between you two.
You glanced down at the dress, suddenly shy about your outfit. “Yeah.”
He paused for a bit, staring straight at the road.
“You’re too good for him.”
You turn to him, taken aback. “JJ-”
“Who was it?” His voice is tight, and you know him well enough to see with the way his jaw was clenched that he was barely restraining his jealousy.
He won’t like your answer. You know he won’t.
“Uh… His name’s Trevor-”
“Not the kook.” JJ’s voice is much sharper. “Don’t tell me you stooped that fuckin’ low.”
You sighed, defeated. There was no argument you could form in your mind, and the awful date proved just how justified JJ was in hating kooks like Trevor.
JJ sighed too, not looking at you, keeping his eyes focused on the road ahead. Part of you wishes he would, but the rational part of you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle the intensity of his gaze right now.
“So you’re moving on?” He asked, his soft voice contrasting with the way he was white-knuckling the steering wheel. Part of you wanted to laugh at the question, wanting to remind him of the irony that he felt the need to ask that when you were sat in his car instead of your own date’s.
“Aren’t you?” You risked a glance towards him. It had been over four months since the breakup, surely he’d hooked up with half the tourists on the island by now.
He didn’t respond, turning onto the street where your house is.
The silence between the two of you was thicker than ever as JJ parked the car in your driveway. He turned to you, shifting slightly in the driver’s seat so he could face you better.
“Are you okay?”
You looked up at him, blinking in surprise. “Of course I am.”
JJ sighed, mumbling something under his breath before focusing on you again. “Just- was he weird or anything? How bad was he that you needed to call me?”
“He was just another rich asshole, JJ, it was no big deal.” You said quietly, looking down at your lap, fidgeting with your hands to avoid thinking about how close he is to you again.
“If it was no big deal, you wouldn’t have called me.” He said, still staring you down.
“JJ-” You look up at him, but the serious look in his eyes made you drop your gaze back down. “It was just… a bad date. And he was my ride home. I wasn’t really the biggest fan of riding in a car with him afterward.”
He’s quiet for a long time, watching you.
“Come on, I’ll walk you inside.”
You didn’t have time to protest before he was already climbing out of the car, moving around to the passenger side to open the door for you. Silent, you followed him inside, the rational part of your brain screaming at you to tell him to just go home, to not indulge in letting your ex into your house again.
He pulled out his keychain, unlocking the front door with the spare key you’d given him years ago, even before you were dating. You hadn’t even realized he kept it.
“Your parents home?” He asked, pushing the door open and stepping into the dark house.
You shook your head, shutting the front door behind you as you walked in. “Out of town.”
With a nod, he went up the stairs to your room. Once inside, he glanced at you again, quickly looking away with a bitter laugh. “It really is a nice dress.”
You laughed weakly, adjusting the dress slightly with a sheepish smile. “Yeah, it kinda went to waste.” It was almost suffocating talking to JJ now. You weren’t sure what was right to say or what was crossing a line.
“Nah.” JJ smiled, shaking his head. “Least I got to see it, right?”
You smiled back, though it didn’t quite reach your eyes.
“Hey,” He tapped your arm, noticing the way you had deflated. He was always so observant. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Just… frustrating night.” You said with a halfhearted nod.
JJ could see the pain in your eyes, frowning. He wanted to tell you it was okay, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to lie, so he said the only words his mind grasped onto.
“I’m here.”
You didn’t have the heart to explain to him how painful it was having him here. That it hurt that he was comforting you when the reason you’d even gone on this stupid date was because JJ broke up with you. You just wanted to pretend he was still yours, but it was getting harder and harder to pretend.
“I know.” You whispered. That was the worst part. That he was here. You knew he wouldn’t be here once the veil lifted. He’d be gone by morning again.
It felt like JJ was able to read your mind, because you heard him sigh, hanging his head low. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
JJ waited a few moments before he picked his head up and glanced around the room, taking a breath. “I should head home.”
“I know.” You said again.
“Stop saying that.” He said with a bitter laugh.
You laughed weakly in return. “Sorry.”
There was another tense silence between you, with JJ glancing at the door, then at you, then at the floor. Anything to keep him from staring at you for too long.
“Goodnight.” You managed to choke out, knowing he was gonna leave either way.
JJ didn’t respond at first, looking back to you for a few moments before he spoke. “Goodnight.”
You kept your gaze on the ground even after you heard his footsteps fading, and your bedroom door shutting behind him seconds later, finally leaving you in the quiet of your bedroom.
Warnings: swearing, injury mention (jj had a fight with his dad)
Words: 1.6K
Previous Chapter - Next Chapter
JJ broke up with you three months ago.
He was currently sat on the wet grass outside, staring up at the moon overhead, his phone pressed to his ear.
He almost slammed his phone to the ground when he heard your voicemail for the fifth time.
Fuck.
JJ buried his face in his hands for a moment, taking a shaky breath. His head was throbbing, and every time his mouth moved, he could feel the sting of the split lip he was sporting.
After a halfhearted attempt to calm himself down, he picked his phone back up, calling you just one more time.
“Hello?” The sound of your voice on the other end made JJ’s heart skip a beat. Finally.
“Took you long enough.” He tried to play off the pain he was in, but the second he heard your quiet sigh on the other line, he knew you heard the way his voice wavered slightly.
“What’s up, JJ?” He hated how he couldn’t read your emotions. He didn’t know if you were frustrated with him, he didn’t know if you were worried, he didn’t know if you were just as desperate to hear his voice as he was to hear yours.
“Uh, so… listen,” JJ cringes at the way his voice shakes, cursing under his breath. “My dad’s back from prison, and… I had a bit of an argument with him.”
He could hear a sharp intake of breath from you, and he shut his eyes for a moment, trying to imagine how you looked right now.
Were you worried about him? Did you still care? Did he ruin everything forever?
“Shit, JJ-”
“I don’t need your pity.” The words came out before he could stop them. There was something in your tone of voice that made his cheeks flush and his eyes sting with unshed tears. He felt weak. He always felt so weak around you.
You’re silent on the other line, so JJ forces himself to continue.
“John B’s hanging out with Sarah, I can’t go there, and-” He angrily wipes at his eyes, hot tears starting to stream down his face that he’s been trying to keep at bay all night. “Pope’s working late tonight, and Kie’s parents fucking hate me, so-”
“It’s okay.” Your voice cuts him off, and he sits there for a moment, in the wet grass, praying for a miracle. “Do you want to come over?”
There it is.
“Uh, about that…” JJ forces a weak laugh from his throat, glancing up to your house from where he’s sitting in your backyard. He can see the dim light of your lamp from your bedroom window, and he can see the small chips of paint along the side of the house from the many times JJ snuck into your bedroom at night when the whole neighborhood was asleep.
JJ winces at the memories, the pain of losing you almost worse than the throbbing in his head.
When he sees you glance out the window, his heart almost stops. The two of you make eye contact for the briefest moments, and JJ raises his hand in a halfhearted wave.
You shove the window open, and JJ doesn’t waste a second, clambering up the side of your house, ungracefully climbing through your bedroom window on the second floor.
With gentle hands, you help JJ into your room, keeping him from knocking over a plant near the windowsill. He freezes in his tracks when he sees your room again, and he almost forgets why he came over in the first place, taking in the space before him that used to be where he spent most of his nights. It was the same as it had been all those months ago, and JJ hates himself for letting you go. All he wants to do is curl up in your bed, in your arms, comforted by the only person he’s ever loved and the only person who’s ever truly loved him.
“You look like shit.” Your voice brings him out of his daze, and all he can do is nod, still staring at every little part of your room. The bookshelf near your desk is missing a few pictures, ones that JJ knows all too well were pictures of him with you.
He shakes the sick feeling in his stomach away, forcing himself to focus on the conversation at hand. “Well, you know how he is.” His voice is raspy. Tired. Broken. If he paid more attention he would’ve seen the worry in your eyes. “It’s really not that bad.”
Both of you know he’s lying. If it wasn’t that bad he wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t that bad he could’ve handled it himself, but instead, he’s at his ex-girlfriend’s house and god does his head hurt.
Silently, you pull the first aid kit out from where it’s always sat under your bed. Back when you two were dating, it wasn’t out of the ordinary for JJ to show up unannounced, covered in bruises, with a weak smile and a “you should see the other guy.” that never made you laugh.
It tugged at JJ’s heart to know that you still kept the first aid kit under your bed. Part of him hoped you kept it there on the off chance he’d need you again – as if he ever stopped – but the more bitter part of him knows you probably just left it there forgotten until this very moment.
Once you grabbed it, you set it on the floor in front of you, gathering the supplies you needed. Your hand moved to JJ’s chin, gently lifting his face so you could assess the damage.
The slight touch alone was enough to make JJ’s eyes sting again. Your presence, your touch, it was both the comfort JJ craved more than anything and the thing that tormented him the most.
Your hands were impossibly gentle as you start to clean up the wounds littering his face. It was more gentle than he knows he would’ve been. More gentle than John B would’ve been. Or Kiara, or Pope. There was just something about you that made things hurt less. Made the pain dull just slightly.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” You ask carefully.
JJ shakes his head, his gaze falling to the floor for a moment, praying that he wouldn’t start crying.
Your thumb runs along his cheek, and he instantly reaches up to grasp your wrist tightly, both terrified and desperate to feel your affection. After a tense, painful moment, he finally lets go, closing his eyes as your hand caresses his cheek.
When you start to clean up his split lip, he takes the opportunity to observe you up close for the first time that night. For the first time in months.
There’s a soft, determined look in your eyes that always made JJ smile. It’s the same look you’ve always had when you’re trying so hard to be careful with JJ. He frowns a little at the bags under your eyes, hidden just slightly by some hastily applied concealer. He can see all the ways the breakup took a toll on you, in the littlest ways that only someone who knew you as well as JJ would notice.
Finally, you finished patching him up, smiling softly and leaning away from him. It takes everything in JJ to not pull you closer again, to kiss you, to beg you to take him back.
“Here, you can take the bed.”
He blinks up at you, trying to figure out if he hallucinated your words or if you actually wanted him to stay. You’re not looking at him, focusing on cleaning up your makeshift nurse’s station and putting your first aid kit away.
“You can take the bed, I’m gonna… go home.” It hurts JJ to even say, but he’s too weak to spend another minute here without breaking down.
“No.” Your tone is more firm than he’s heard in a while, and it shocks him into a stunned silence. “You’re not going back to your dad. You’re staying here, no arguments.”
“Yes ma’am.” He mutters under his breath, watching you idly reorganize things around your room. A grin pulls at his lips, knowing it’s because you’re trying to busy yourself, too nervous to look at JJ. “Hey, you can take the bed. I can take the floor-”
The look in your eyes made him shut up without a second thought. Once you were sure he wouldn’t continue arguing, you went back to fiddling with things around the room, no longer looking at him.
Fuck it.
“Let’s just share the bed.”
You freeze, slowly turning to him with wide eyes.
JJ tries to play it off, shrugging as if his heart wasn’t beating out of his chest. “C’mon, it’s not like we haven’t before.” That was when you were dating her, dumbass.
The silence in the room makes JJ wanna throw up, but he forces himself not to react, waiting for your response.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” He looks up, surprised.
“Okay.” You repeat, walking around to the other side of the bed, climbing under the covers, and watching warily when JJ does the same thing.
There was a polite amount of distance between the two of you, and every centimeter between you and JJ makes his heart hurt even more.
You curl up in the bed, turning off the lamp and plunging the room into darkness.
There was a thick silence in the room as you rolled over to face the wall. JJ desperately wanted to do something, anything to break the tension, but instead, he closed his eyes, pretending that he could relax enough to fall asleep when the love of his life was inches away from him and probably hated his guts.
By the time you woke up, the bed was empty and JJ was nowhere to be seen.
Every day, you tried to distract yourself from the dull ache in your heart, busying yourself with errands or seeing friends, or doing quite literally anything to keep you from being alone with your thoughts.
Tonight, it was pouring rain, so much so that you struggled to see the road even with your windshield wipers on the highest setting. It had been a long day, and all you wanted was to go home and curl up in your bed. You were exhausted from running around all day, trying to focus on the road instead of the tiredness behind your eyes.
That was until your focus went straight to the sound of your car’s engine sputtering and the feeling of your car slowing to a stop as you hastily pulled over to the side of the road.
It was deathly silent as you climbed out of your car, besides the constant pattering of the rain hitting the pavement beneath your feet. Not a single other car was on the road, and you weren’t even really sure where you were, all you knew was that you were on the outskirts of town.
JJ was always the one you went to with car troubles. While you were dating, you’d often sit off to the side and watch while he helped fix up your car, but after twenty minutes of staring at the underside of the hood of your car in the pouring rain, it became clear that none of the knowledge JJ tried to teach you stuck.
You tried calling the local tow company, but no one answered. Cursing under your breath, you slammed the hood of your car back down, halfheartedly wiping back your wet hair, feeling hot tears stinging your eyes.
Pulling out your phone, you tried to cover the screen with your hand as you scrolled through your contacts. Everyone you knew would be asleep or didn’t have a license. You scrolled past Kiara’s contact, remembering how she’d gone to bed early tonight so she could wake up in time for a morning shift at The Wreck. With a sigh, you scrolled past Pope’s contact as well, knowing it was unlikely Pope would be awake past midnight.
Shakily, you pressed on John B’s number.
“Please, please, please, please-” You clutched your phone to your ear, pacing back and forth in front of your car.
-
John B sat on a fallen log at the Boneyard, beer in hand as he laughed with some friends. There were a few empty beer bottles scattered around him in the sand.
JJ wasn’t too far off, glaring at the people around him at the party. He was way too sober for a kegger down at the beach, but John B was still keeping him away from alcohol as punishment for throwing a beer bottle into John B’s kitchen all those weeks ago. If JJ hadn’t been so upset about the breakup, he might’ve found it in him to appreciate his best friend not letting him get drunk and spiral further, but all he wanted to do was get as wasted as possible and forget about everything he’d ruined.
A friend of JJ’s walked up, noticing the blonde’s grim expression. JJ was sure he hadn’t even spoken to the guy more than a few times, and he’d never actually interacted with him outside of the party, but when he handed JJ a fresh beer, he managed to force a halfhearted smile in thanks. John B was distracted enough by his own inebriation to warn JJ about drinking, so JJ popped the cap off, taking a moment to stare into the bottle at the murky liquid.
The more rational part of him hesitated before taking the first sip, briefly stopping to consider that John B might be right about staying sober for the night.
His head snapped to the right when a distant buzzing took his focus. John B’s phone was in the sand, left unnoticed by the brunette as it buzzed repeatedly.
JJ’s heart sunk to his stomach when he saw that you were the one calling John B.
John B hadn’t even noticed, continuing his conversation with his friends, taking another long swig from the beer in his hand.
JJ sat there in silence for a minute, watching the phone ring. He knew he should let John B know, tell him that his phone was ringing, tell him that you need something, but his mind was racing. Why would you be calling John B of all people? What could you possibly need from your ex’s best friend at almost two in the morning?
The phone stopped ringing, and JJ’s shoulders slumped, trying to relax and redirect his attention away from you. As if he could ever not think about you. He raised the beer bottle to his lips, about to take the much-needed drink when his own phone started buzzing.
He almost dropped the beer with how quickly he scrambled to grab his phone out of his pocket.
You were calling him. You were calling him.
-
When you heard JJ pick up the phone, you couldn’t help but let out a quiet sigh of relief.
“Hello?” JJ’s voice was rushed, and if you weren’t so panicked and shivering in the pouring rain, you might’ve picked up on how eager he sounded to talk to you.
“Hey. I’m- You trail off, already starting to regret calling your ex-boyfriend. “I’m really sorry-”
“Don’t worry about it. What happened?” JJ quickly reassures you, and you have to take a moment to calm your aching heart at the softness in his voice.
“I just- my car broke down.” You say weakly. “I don’t know what to do. Can you just- can you please come help me?”
There’s a faint sound of rustling on the other line as you wait for JJ to answer. If you strain your ears, you could even hear keys jingling.
“I’m on my way.”
After he hangs up, you send out your location to JJ, shoving your phone back in your pocket and collapsing onto the curb, burying your head in your hands.
You wait there, shivering in the cold rain until you hear a car coming, looking up to see the headlights of John B’s van. JJ pulls the car over, hopping out of the Twinkie and running towards you.
“Jesus Christ, you’re soaked!” He doesn’t even glance at your car, instantly shrugging his jacket off and wrapping it around you, worry in his eyes.
You don’t bother protesting, knowing he’s right, and the rain has soaked you to the bone. He reaches forward, rubbing your arms a few times, trying to provide any sort of warmth for your trembling figure.
“I tried to call a tow truck.” You manage to say, your teeth chattering as you wipe your eyes. It’s unclear where the rain ends and your tears begin.
“Yeah, it’s late sunshine, Tommy ain’t comin’ until morning.” He says gently, and you sigh internally at the small town you live in.
JJ’s already guiding you towards the passenger seat of John B’s van when you hesitate. “W-what about my car?”
“We’ll deal with it in the morning.”
He hops into the driver’s seat, quickly making sure you’re safe, and buckled in before he starts driving towards your place. He stares straight ahead, trying to force himself to focus on the road and not the way you’re shivering.
You, however, decide to take this time to stare at him, taking in the features on his face.
He looks tired in a way that’s hard to explain; the kind of tired that doesn’t go away after a good night’s sleep.
“I missed you.” You whisper after a few moments. He winces a little at your words, and you shrink back into the passenger seat, wishing you hadn’t said anything at all.
There’s a long silence between the two of you as JJ takes a turn, the route back to your house forever embedded in his muscle memory.
“I missed you too.” He whispers back, not daring to take his eyes off the road, too terrified to let himself see the look in your eyes.
“I’m sorry I called you.” You say quietly, looking away from him to gaze down at your lap, fiddling with your still shaking hands.
“Don’t be.” Is all he says.
The silence when he arrives at your house is almost as painful as the breakup itself. The longer that neither of you spoke, the more your heart ached. It hurt more than anything to know that you could barely even talk to someone you used to share everything with.
“I should get back to John B. He’ll be wondering where his car went,” JJ says quietly, finally breaking the dead quiet.
You don’t trust your voice enough to speak, simply nodding and climbing out of the car. You’re still shaking from the cold as you walk into your house, too terrified to let yourself look back at him as you close the front door behind you, quickly making your way into your room.
The tears come before you can stop them, and you soon find yourself crumpled on the floor of your bedroom, clutching the jacket that you’d almost forgotten JJ had given you to stay warm.
The wound from only five weeks ago feels so fresh, like every bit of healing and moving on that you’d done was wiped away, replacing with a raw pain that stabbed at your chest.
You don’t know how long you stay like that before you finally pick yourself up, slowly making your way to the bathroom to take a warm shower, trying to wash off the cold that seeped into your bones.
You felt numb as you went about your routine, your mind continually replaying every moment from tonight. Everything JJ said, every expression on his face, every gesture he made was stuck in your mind.
Finally, you made your way into your bed, falling asleep under the covers, JJ’s jacket still clutched in your arms.
A/N: whew that 10k fic ended up giving me multiple months of writers block apparently but I'M BACK (and on my birthday no less :D)
Next Chapter
It wasn’t entirely surprising when you hadn’t heard from JJ in a few days. You knew his dad had just gotten out of prison, and you knew how hard things got for him in times like that.
Still, it worried you when you checked John B’s house for the third day in a row only to be told that he hadn’t heard from or seen JJ either. You’d even swung by JJ’s house a few times, but you never stayed long. His dirtbike was never parked in the gravel driveway, but you’d always see JJ’s dad’s truck, and that was enough to scare you into searching elsewhere.
After days of texting JJ with no reply, begging him to come over, you finally got a text that made your day a little brighter.
I’m coming over.
You waited patiently for JJ, opening the front door before he even got the chance to knock, ready to greet your boyfriend with a whole plan of what the two of you could do together to wind down from whatever stress JJ's dad had surely induced.
The look in his eyes made the words die on your tongue.
He stepped inside, and you closed the door behind him, trying to pretend the tension in the air didn’t exist.
“We need to talk.” JJ finally mutters after a few seconds of painful silence, glancing between the floor and the pictures hanging on the walls of your parents' house.
You froze, eyes wide. Those four words alone were enough to knock the air out of your lungs.
“Yeah,” You start hesitantly, barely managing to speak above a whisper. “Yeah, uh- are you… okay?”
Every part of you wants to step towards him, collapsing into his arms and hugging him tightly until whatever was wrong went away. But you couldn’t. JJ may have been a few steps away, but you knew he his mind was miles and miles away from you. You knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t accept your comfort. Not like this.
Every part of JJ wants to just break down and run into your arms and tell you everything plaguing his mind. But he’s spent too much time with his dad recently. His walls are up too high. So he just stands there, staring at the floor, at the wall, at anything but you.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
Your heart practically stops beating, staring at JJ with wide eyes. There’s a tense moment of silence where you’re praying you heard him wrong. Then, you start praying that he misspoke. That if you were silent long enough he would tell you he didn’t mean it, that he loved you and wanted to be with you forever.
But he didn’t. He couldn’t.
“JJ-”
He cuts you off instantly, not wanting to hear the heartbreak in your voice. “Y/N, no-”
You shake your head, your voice cracking as you try to speak. “JJ, don’t-”
“Y/N.”
You fall silent the instant JJ utters your name, saying it as if it’s a warning.
“I can’t do this anymore.” He repeats, finally looking you in the eyes.
A sob rips its way from your throat, and you have to force yourself to take a step away from JJ.
“Please, just- what happened?” You manage to choke out. “What’s- JJ, just talk to me-”
You knew JJ better than anyone. You knew the self-hatred that was swirling around his mind. You knew he was just lashing out because he felt unworthy, but his words and the harsh look in his eyes still stung.
“It’s better for both of us.” He says, shoving his hands into his short pockets, his gaze falling to the floor again.
No matter how much you tried to convince yourself this was just another one of JJ’s moods, you couldn’t help but feel like your world was crashing down around you. Your hands were shaking as you tried to take a step towards him, but he took two steps back, refusing to meet your eyes.
“JJ, please-” You hated the way your voice sounded, so broken and small, so quickly brought to tears by JJ’s words.
JJ took a deep breath, steeling himself before meeting your eyes again.
“We can- we can work through this-” You try to say, pleading with him.
“Y/N, we’re not-” He was already shaking his head, and you have to force yourself not to break down.
“No, we can- we’re fine, we can-”
“Stop-” JJ’s gaze darkened. “You can’t- just-”
“Just listen to me, please-”
“Y/N, I need you to-”
“JJ, just listen-”
“Y/N, just shut up!” JJ finally snaps, making your blood run cold as you stare at him. He looked so different from the boy you fell in love with that you couldn’t even recognize him anymore. “It’s done. It’s over. We’re done.”
“I love you.” You couldn’t help but whisper, hoping against all odds that it brings the love of your life back to you.
JJ stiffened at your words like they’d had the opposite effect on him.
“Goodbye.”
You barely had enough time to react, let alone respond, before he was already out the door, slamming it behind him so hard that a picture frame on the shelf nearby rattled. It was an old picture – one of you and JJ when you were kids. The two of you couldn’t be older than thirteen. JJ was stood beside you, his messy blonde hair in need of a trim. He had you pulled close to him, both of you grinning from ear to ear. It was after a long day of surfing, and you were both a little sunburnt and had flakes of sand all over you.
After a few moments, you spun the picture around to face the wall, unable to look at it any longer.
The silence of your house was getting to you, and you barely stood there in the aftermath of the breakup for more than five minutes before you were throwing your shoes on, making your way to Kiara’s house.
The second Kiara opens the door, her eyes widen, taking in the tear stains on your cheeks.
“Jesus, what the hell happened?” She instantly steps aside to let you in, and you can barely keep your composure, breaking down into tears the second she closes the door. You collapse into her arms, sobs racking your body.
It felt like you couldn’t breathe, and you clung to Kiara as tight as you could, your words barely coherent.
“He dumped me.”
Kiara pulls back just enough to look at you, sheer surprise on her face. “He what?” Her grip on you tightens protectively. “JJ fucking dumped you?
You don’t bother responding, knowing you’ll barely be able to get the words out as you stutter out another sob.
Kiara steadies you, giving you just enough support to keep you on your feet. Ever so gently, she brings you upstairs to her room, setting you on her bed and putting an arm around you.
Neither of you say anything for a while. Kiara stares at you, waiting for you to gather enough strength to talk about what happened.
There’s a moment where you aren’t quite sure if you’ll ever be able to speak about it. You cling to Kiara tighter, burying your face in the crook of her neck, unable to stop the tears from flowing.
“I love him, Kie.” You finally manage to say, pulling away from her long enough to wipe at your eyes. “I love him so much. It hurts so much-” A new round of sobs hit you, and you dig the heels of your palms into your eyes to wipe the tears away.
Still, Kiara stays silent. She continues rubbing your back, knowing that you just need to get it out now.
“I feel like my heart was just ripped out.” You croak, your throat hoarse from all the crying. “I miss him so much already. I need him, Kie-”
Kiara pulls you closer, hugging you tight and whispering soothing words, trying to calm you down from this heartbreak.
“I love him so much. I don’t even know what happened.” You sob, falling into her embrace again. “I feel like I failed him somehow.”
-
JJ, after storming out of your house, finds himself where he always finds himself – at the only place he’s ever called home.
He slams the door behind him on the way into John B’s house, startling the boy sat on the couch watching TV.
“Jesus, JJ.” John B mutters, reaching for the remote, turning the television off, and looking up at JJ. “Are you trying to break my door off its hinges again?”
JJ doesn’t answer, walking past him to the kitchen and grabbing a beer from the fridge. He pops off the cap, moving back to the living room to collapse onto the couch beside John B.
“What did you do?” John B asks, shifting in his seat so he’s facing JJ.
“I ruined everything,” JJ says under his breath, his eyes glazed over as he stares straight ahead at the wall. He takes a long drink of the beer.
John B recognizes the look in his eyes all too well. Sitting up a little straighter, he tries to get JJ to look at him.
“What. Did. You. Do.”
“I dumped her.”
There’s a thick silence in the room, and JJ sighs. He’s so tired of the tension that’s been following him around.
“Why?” John B asks after what felt like an eternity of dead silence.
JJ doesn’t respond right away, taking another swig of beer. He’s barely responsive, just staring straight ahead, his eyes blank.
“JJ.” John B nudges him, trying to get him to focus.
Still nothing.
“Hey, c’mon man.” John B nudges him again, harder this time as JJ takes a final sip of his beer.
Something snaps inside of JJ, and he stands suddenly as if the weight of what he did finally hits him, throwing the empty beer bottle into the kitchen of the Chateau, barely flinching when it shatters on the wall.
“JJ!” John B snaps, standing and grabbing his shoulders to get JJ to focus on him.
“I ruined fucking everything, John B!” He yells right back. “I broke up with her, okay? I fucking- I needed her, but-” He trails off, taking his hat off and tossing it across the room, running his hands through his hair.
“JJ, you gotta calm down.” John B tries to say, worried that JJ’s spiraling out of control.
“Calm down?” JJ turns to focus on him, eyes blazing with anger and frustration and heartbreak. “I just ruined the one thing I got goin’ for me, and you want me to calm down?”
“JJ-” John B stares JJ down, trying to ease the tension he knows is building in JJ’s chest. “Why’d you do it?”
“Because she deserves better, man,” JJ says, the anger in his tone dissipating into a broken sort of pain. “I mean, c’mon, we all know she’s gonna go far in life. She can’t have me dragging her down. That’s not fair to her. It’s- this is for the best.”
John B doesn’t speak for a moment, his brows furrowing in thought. He’d seen JJ get self-destructive before, but he knows that when it’s this bad it always leads back to Luke Maybank.
“JJ-”
“It’s for the best,” JJ repeats, giving John B a look as if to say there’s no room for argument. Because, in JJ’s mind, if there’s an argument to be had here, if he’s wrong, then he’s just made the biggest mistake of his life for nothing.
Maybe he has anyway but he can’t afford to think about that. He refuses to.
Instead, he sits back down on the couch, burying his face in his hands, trying to calm himself down. He can hear John B talking, but he tunes it out, his mind just replaying the pain in your eyes, the way your voice broke, the way you begged him to stay.
It takes everything in him to not throw something.
It takes everything in him to not go back to your house, begging you to take him back.
A/N: Officially my longest fic !! i'm really happy with this one, I've had this song stuck in my head for weeks crafting this fic!! shoutout to two of my closest friends for giving me a bunch of ideas for this :D
(this is a songfic by the way!)
I called you with a few too many drinks in me
Saying JJ was drunk would be an understatement. It was nearing the end of a kegger thrown down at the Boneyard, and he was definitely more than a few drinks deep at this point. The entire night, he’d kept an eye out, looking over the crowd and scanning it every so often just to make sure he didn’t miss you.
You, however, skipped out on the party tonight. Instead, you were spending the night with your new boyfriend, Roman, who JJ openly despised. He was another snobby rich kid from Figure Eight that wasn’t good enough for someone like you.
JJ knew it wasn’t his place to judge who you were dating when he couldn’t even man up enough to ask you out, but he couldn’t help but remind you as often as he could that Roman didn’t deserve you. You brushed him off every time, always coming up with some excuse for him that JJ didn’t believe.
The thought of you skipping out on him to stay with your boyfriend made JJ feel sick, and it wasn’t long before he was pulling his phone out, calling you before he could think better of it.
Well, at least you didn't answer
When you didn’t answer, his heart sank to the floor. He didn’t like the thought of you being alone with him. As much as you constantly assured him that he was a good guy, that he cared about you, JJ knew guys like him all too well.
Your voicemail rang through his ears, and he couldn’t help the smile pulling at his lips at the sound of your voice. It distracted him long enough that there was suddenly a loud beep, flustering him as his voicemail began.
“Oh shit,” He blinked, not prepared to actually leave you a message. “Uh, hey sweetheart. Shit- I didn’t mean to call you that-”
John B, who had been staying relatively sober the whole night so he could drive everyone to his house once the party died down, noticed JJ off to the side, muttering something on the phone. It must’ve been some sixth sense John B had for knowing whenever JJ was doing something stupid, but he instantly excused himself from his conversation and started making his way toward his best friend.
“I just- I really think you’re better than that asshole. I know you hate when I say that shit, but he really doesn’t deserve you. You’re bright, and- and you can cheer anyone up just by being around them. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and I just need you to know that. I need you to know that you deserve better than him. I would treat you better than he does. I know I would. I love you, Y/N, I love you so much.”
At this point, John B reached JJ, pulling the phone away from his ear and quickly hanging up, shoving the phone in his shorts pocket before JJ could do any more damage.
“What are you doing?” John B asked now that JJ’s attention was on him.
“Was just callin’ Y/N.” He answered, a slight slur in his speech that made John B understand how bad of an idea that was.
John B sighed, putting an arm around JJ, and quickly guiding him in the direction of the Twinkie. “Let’s get you home, big guy.”
Woke up, prayed to God it was only a dream
JJ woke up, immediately feeling the pain of the killer hangover he had. Forcing himself to sit up in the bed he didn’t remember stumbling into the night before, he looked around the room. It didn’t take long to realize he was in the guest room at the Chateau, the room that had become unofficially his after so many years of friendship with John B.
His head was still pounding as he tried to piece together what had happened the night before. Instinctively, he reached for where his phone would be on the nightstand, confused to find it wasn’t there.
That’s when the memories started to come back to him.
He was drunk. He was wasted. He tried calling you. You didn’t answer. He said he loved you. He said he loved you.
“Oh, fuck.” He dropped his throbbing head into his hands, rubbing his temples. “Oh, I’m so fucked.”
You were in the shower when JJ called you the night before, and your boyfriend was the one to notice your phone buzzing where you’d left it on the bed. He didn’t answer, of course he didn’t, not when JJ was the one calling, he instead watched it ring. It wasn’t until he noticed JJ left a voicemail that his interest was piqued.
Glancing in the direction of the bathroom, he could still hear the shower running. Quickly, he reached to grab your phone, typing in the passcode.
You told him your passcode offhandedly one day when you asked him to respond to a text from Kiara while you were driving, and he remembered it ever since. He told himself it was just in case, and as he listened to JJ’s voicemail, he convinced himself he was doing this out of love.
His fists clenched when he heard JJ’s confession. It was obvious he was drunk, but Roman knew hearing this would ruin everything. It would destroy the relationship he worked so hard to build.
By the time he finished the voicemail, he heard you turn the shower off, hurriedly deleting the voicemail before tossing your phone back on the bed.
Well, at least I took my chances
JJ trudged out of the bedroom, seeing John B cooking breakfast, along with Kiara and Pope still fast asleep on either side of the pullout couch.
“Morning, sunshine.” John B chuckled, giving JJ a look. “How’s the headache?”
“Fuck off.” JJ groaned, peering at what John B was cooking. He reached forward, plucking a strip of freshly cooked bacon off the plate they’d been set on, dodging John B swatting at him with the spatula.
“Your phone’s on the table.” John B said, pointing halfheartedly to the kitchen table.
JJ groaned again, not wanting to be reminded of the consequences of him calling you.
“Hey, at least you finally took your chances.” John B couldn’t help but laugh, earning a light smack on the arm from JJ.
“Shut up, dude.”
When JJ picked up his phone, he swore his heart stopped when he saw a text from you.
When you got out of the shower, you threw some pajamas on and walked back into the bedroom, your boyfriend was giving you an unreadable look.
“What?” You asked, trying to smile at him, your grin faltering when he didn’t react.
“JJ called you.” His tone was flat, and you tilted your head in confusion.
“Okay…? Is he alright? Did he need a ride home, or…?” Your mind wandered to JJ at the party. He was no doubt drunk out of his mind, and you were worried he’d gone and gotten himself hurt. Surely someone would’ve had his back, you knew the rest of the pogues were at the party as well.
Roman sighed heavily in a way that made you tense. “I think you should keep your distance from him.”
Your jaw dropped. “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”
When he stood up, you immediately shut your mouth despite the firm look you were still giving him.
“He’s my friend, Roman.” You insisted, though your voice was much quieter now.
“He wants to jeopardize our relationship.” His voice was low, and the way he stepped closer to you almost felt threatening.
“He- what?” JJ would never do that. You knew he didn’t approve of your boyfriend, he made that very clear, but would he actually try to jeopardize your relationship?
“Just- here.” He grabbed your phone off the bed, shoving it in your hand. You took it hesitantly, still giving him a confused look. “Just text him. Tell him you’re not gonna speak to him again.”
“What?!” You looked up at him, mouth agape in shock. He couldn’t be serious, right?
When his face darkened, you gripped your phone just a bit tighter. “He wants to ruin our relationship. You’re gonna have to make a choice here.”
Part of you wanted to keep arguing, to say that you could talk to JJ, that you would sort it out. But something in the look in Roman’s eyes made you nod, backing down.
“Okay. I’ll text him.”
You said you never wanted to speak again
“She text you?” John B asked, not looking up from the eggs he was cooking.
JJ didn’t respond, still staring down at the text.
Please don’t speak to me anymore.
“JJ?” John B glanced up at him before scraping the eggs onto a plate, walking over to see the phone.
JJ moved so John B could see it, still saying nothing. The silence hung in the air for a while before John B spoke again.
“Holy shit.”
JJ sighed, tossing his phone back onto the table with a loud enough clatter that it startled Kiara and Pope from their sleep, looking between him and John B with furrowed brows. Kiara opened her mouth to tell him off for waking her up before noticing the tension in the room.
“Dude, it’s probably not that bad.” John B tried to say, but JJ grimaced.
“Not that bad? I fucked everything up!” He resisted the urge to hit something, pacing back and forth in the room clenching and unclenching his fists.
“Can someone please explain what the hell is going on?” Kiara spoke up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
“JJ drunk dialed Y/N last night and told her he’s in love with her.”
“Dude!” JJ snapped, glaring at John B. He shrugged back lamely, mouthing an apology.
“Is that not what happened?” John B asked under his breath, grabbing a couple plates of food and handing them off to Kiara and Pope.
“She’s got a boyfriend, man,” Pope said through a bite of food.
JJ rubbed a hand over his eyes, sighing heavily. “Yeah, Pope. Thanks. I’m well aware of that.”
Kiara stretched forward, grabbing JJ’s phone off the table to see the text. Pope leaned close to her, peering over her shoulder to read it as well.
“Oh.” She cringed, setting the phone back on the table with a pitying look. “Yeah, that’s… not great.”
“Thanks, Kie,” JJ said dryly, shooting her a halfhearted glare. “Real helpful.
“Maybe you can reason with her?” She said, taking a bite of food. “I mean, this’ll all blow over in like a week, I’m sure.”
I was never one to listen
The next morning, you’d barely finished getting ready for the day when you felt your phone buzzing on the table you set it down on. Roman looked up from his spot on your bed, eyeing you before turning his gaze to your phone.
“I can answer that.” He said, standing.
You almost mindlessly agreed until you saw the contact name.
JJ Maybank.
“Wait- Uh, I’ll get it.” You caught the look Roman gave you as you grabbed your phone, shrinking in on yourself. “I’ll just- I’ll tell him to leave me alone.”
The words felt bitter on your tongue, but you couldn’t bring yourself to stand up to Roman. It wasn’t that your boyfriend was a bad person, he was just… protective. And he seemed to know something you didn’t about JJ wanting to ruin your relationship, so maybe you should just believe him.
With a sigh, unsure of if you actually believed him or if you were just trying to convince yourself of the fact, you answered the call and brought your phone to your ear.
“JJ-”
“Hey! Holy shit, I didn’t think you’d answer! Uh, listen-” JJ started talking quickly, trying to explain, but the longer you stayed silent, the more you could feel the tension coming from your boyfriend.
“Please don’t call me, JJ.” Despite how weak you felt your voice was, it instantly made JJ fall silent.
You hung up without another word, exhaling shakily, trying with all your might to ignore the reality of what you’d done. Even a month ago if you were told to not speak to JJ, you would’ve laughed in their face. Things felt so different now, and it made you feel sick.
“Thank you.” Roman smiled at you, but the grin on his face resembled that of a shark.
You felt your phone buzzing, still in your hand. JJ was calling you again. Quickly, you shut it off, shoving it in your back pocket, forcing yourself to return Roman’s smile.
And it's fine, just wish you'd get out of my head
JJ had never gone this long without seeing you, not since the two of you became friends. It had been a little over two weeks since you last spoke to him, and he felt like he was going insane. You hadn’t hung out with the pogues since before that fateful night. They never stopped reaching out, though, telling you every plan they made just in case you decided to show.
Your response was always the same: Sorry! I’m hanging with Roman tonight. Another time!
JJ tried to play it off like he was fine, like he didn’t care. Still, every time Kiara would text you to ask if you could make it only to get a measly text apologizing for missing out, everyone could see the way JJ’s face fell. Whenever they met up, he counted the heads, heart sinking just a little when he saw you weren’t there. Everyone saw the way his grin faltered when your name was mentioned, or the way his attention snapped to anyone that looked a little too much like you, sounded a little too much like you, or laughed a little too much like you.
Every time JJ found himself surrounded by his best friends, he couldn’t help but notice the empty seat that was always left open – a silent agreement to keep it available just in case. It stayed empty every time, though, and JJ was never able to take his eyes off it.
Well, you never did
It was another party. Being deep in the throes of Summer, there were new parties nearly every night, and the pogues joined more than half the time. Tonight was unlike any other, and everyone was piling into the Twinkie for a kegger.
JJ pulled his flask out of his shorts pocket, taking a quick swig as John B parked outside the beach, the rest of the pogues clambering out of the van the second the car stopped moving. John B tossed the keys to Pope, who had agreed to be the designated driver for the night. The pogues often took turns, with the exception of JJ, who recently had gotten into a habit of getting as drunk as possible to drown out any thoughts of you any chance he could get.
It wasn’t long before the group had a few drinks, with JJ being much further gone than anyone else. The pogues were keeping a worried eye on him, exchanging looks with each other every time he went to grab another drink.
JJ was leaning against a tree now, only half listening to the conversation between John B and Pope when he noticed you a good distance away. Your boyfriend was a few feet away from you, and JJ couldn’t help but notice the fact that you clearly weren’t getting the attention you deserved.
JJ could feel his heart beat just a little faster at the sight of you, sat on a log and watching your boyfriend talk to his friends. Roman wasn’t even looking at you, and JJ could see the way your face fell at the lack of attention. He knows you’re so much better than that asshole, but he also knows he can’t be the one to tell you that.
Not anymore.
Still, JJ isn’t able to take his eyes off of you, and as he downed another drink, he barely acknowledged whatever question Pope was asking him.
My brain holds too many poisons
JJ nearly winced at the sight of you. He knew he could treat you better. He knew you deserved to be treated like royalty, and all Roman saw you as was arm candy.
“JJ?” He turned at the sound of Pope’s voice, not bothering to mask the annoyance on his face. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” JJ waved him off, looking back to you and the way you were sitting on the edge of your seat to watch Roman chat with his friends. You were trying so hard to seem like you were enjoying yourself, but JJ had always known you better. He can see every movement of yours, awkwardly fiddling with your hands in your lap, glancing around the crowd every so often, and the forced smile on your face that didn’t quite reach your eyes. It was always the little things that JJ noticed about you, that your boyfriend would never bother to care about.
Suddenly, JJ stands, ignoring the looks from John B and Pope. Kiara had disappeared from the group a while ago, mingling with some people she’d met a few times before.
“I’m getting another drink.”
He pushed through the crowd, weaving past drunk teenagers until he got to the keg of beer, refilling his solo cup.
“How many drinks does this make?” Kiara’s voice made him spin around, facing her with a forced smile.
“Lost track.” He raised the cup, tapping it against her own. “Cheers.”
She gives him a firm look, one of her hands on her waist. “I think you’ve had enough.”
JJ shook his head, walking beside her in the direction of where Pope and John B were still standing. “Not yet.”
Kiara exchanged worried looks with the boys when they finally approached before making herself comfortable, taking a seat next to John B.
Loud laughter and cheering from afar pulled JJ’s attention away from his friends, glancing over and seeing your boyfriend in the middle of a game of beer pong with his kook friends. JJ rolled his eyes, the story Kiara started telling going entirely unnoticed while he stared down your boyfriend, taking another swig from his solo cup.
They helped me make the wrong choices
“Hey,” Pope reached a hand out, tapping JJ on the arm a few times to get him to look away from Roman. “Are you even paying attention?”
JJ leans away from Pope, lazily hitting his hand away. He looked at Pope for only a moment, making a face at him before turning his focus back to you.
You were sat with your hands still in your lap, wearing an outfit that JJ knew you well enough to know you were uncomfortable in. Your boyfriend wasn’t far off, still hard at work in his game of beer pong.
John B took note of his friend’s distraction now, following JJ’s gaze and sighing to himself when he saw you. “JJ, don’t do anything you’re gonna regret.”
JJ didn’t respond. He was still focused on the way you were looking at Roman. You had reached up at this point, fiddling with the necklace you were wearing absentmindedly. The same necklace JJ bought you for your birthday almost two years ago. It tugged at his heartstrings to know that you were still wearing it, but he wasn’t surprised. You’d worn it every day since JJ bought it for you, of course you still had it on.
When you stood up, JJ tensed, watching you step toward Roman. You placed a gentle hand on his arm, trying to whisper something to him. Without even looking in your direction, Roman nudged you away from him, muttering something JJ couldn’t hear that made you frown.
The dejected look on your face was enough to have JJ downing the rest of his drink, handing the empty cup off to John B, ignoring the pogues calling after him.
We all make stupid mistakes sometimes
Before JJ could think better of what he was doing, he was storming across the beach, sand kicking up under his feet. There was something in the way your gaze softened looking at Roman despite how much he was ignoring you that made his chest feel tight. You didn’t deserve that. You may not want to talk to him, but he needed you to know you deserved better.
“Hey!” JJ’s voice made Roman’s head snap up to him, along with each of his friends. You looked up as well, eyes wide when you saw how quickly JJ was approaching.
You were the only one who wasn’t staring JJ down like he was their next target.
Roman gave JJ a lazy smile that looked more like a grimace. “JJ Maybank. What can I do for you?”
JJ stopped right in front of him, the alcohol in his system mixing with the rage he felt boiling over. “You too good to pay attention to your girlfriend all of a sudden?”
Roman blinked, his eyes darkening as he glanced at you with a look you couldn’t quite decipher before he looked back to JJ. He stepped closer, trying to intimidate JJ with the few inches he had above him, despite not having the strength that JJ had.
“What did you say?”
The beer pong game had now been officially paused, and every kook in the area was watching JJ’s every move. Everyone was on edge, waiting for the pogue to do something worthy of jumping him.
As if they ever needed a reason.
“You heard me.” JJ sneered, his jaw clenching. “Too good to pay attention to your girlfriend?”
But I make them more than most
When Roman grabbed the front of JJ’s shirt, he swore he heard you gasp. He pulled JJ close to him, breathing heavily.
“Walk away, Maybank.” He said through gritted teeth, glaring down at JJ. The crowd around them was growing by the second, and it was almost entirely kooks. There was hardly anyone around that would jump to his defense. He started to wonder if you would jump to his defense, or your boyfriend’s.
JJ glanced toward you, realizing with a start that for the first time in weeks, your full attention was on him, and it only encouraged him further.
Turning back to Roman, he couldn’t hold back the smirk on his face. “Or what?”
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you stand up, nervously hovering near the interaction in case anything happened. It made JJ wonder again who you were more worried about.
If he got hurt would you go to him? Or would you let Roman drag you away from him again?
“Or we’ll escort you out of here.” A kook that had been playing beer pong piped up, earning a glare from JJ.
“Did I ask you?” JJ took a few steps in his direction, momentarily forgetting the grasp Roman had on his shirt until he stopped him.
“I think you should go back to your own turf,” Roman said, leaning down to talk right in JJ’s ear, quiet enough that only he could hear him. “Pogue.”
And it's my fault that I live my life
The sound of JJ’s fist colliding with Roman’s jaw instantly incited chaos within the crowd. Kooks were on JJ within a second, but all of his focus was stuck on Roman. The punch sent him stumbling to the ground, but he was quick to rally, jumping back up and throwing a punch that almost knocked JJ off balance.
“JJ!” Your voice was muffled by the ringing in his ears, but he couldn’t shake the knowledge that you were worried about him.
You cared. You care.
JJ rolled his head back, planting his feet and glaring at Roman, who was cocky enough that he let the other kooks let him go, calling for a fair fight.
He knew most of these kooks worked out like it was their only hobby – in all honesty, it probably was, but he also knew better than anyone that strength is useless if you don’t know how to fight.
And JJ knows how to fight.
He took a deep breath, his fists clenching and unclenching for a moment before he lunged forward, ducking to avoid another hit from Roman, tackling him into the sand.
Running away from ghosts
Once he had Roman on the ground, JJ hovered above him, hitting him again.
The kooks surrounding them were screaming now, and a few of them tried to pull him up off of Roman. He shook them off, raising his fist again.
“Just like your old man, aren’t you?” Roman’s voice was weak, but it made JJ freeze.
While the crowd continued to yell and scream and cheer, JJ couldn’t hear a damn thing other than his own heartbeat, the only thing repeating in his head – just like your old man, aren’t you?
JJ saw red, bringing his fist down again and again, deaf to the crowd around him.
He didn’t see the kooks staring at him in fear, didn’t see the few pogues in the crowd whispering, didn’t see you standing at the front of the crowd, jaw agape as you watched this happen.
Word was spreading quickly through the party, whispers of the pogue beating the shit out of a kook rippling throughout the Boneyard and eventually, everyone at the party was aware of what was happening.
By the time Kiara, Pope, and John B got wind of what the crowd was surrounding, there were so many people they could barely get through to get to JJ.
Too many skeletons
Roman managed to shove JJ off, causing him to fall backwards into the sand. He caught your eye for just a moment, distracting him long enough that Roman was able to land a solid punch.
The look in your eyes made JJ’s stomach churn nauseatingly, and he swore seeing you that terrified was more painful than the punch itself. He couldn’t decipher who you were actually worried about, but when he saw Roman reeling back to hit him again, he knew he didn’t have the time to worry about it.
Rolling to the side, he barely managed to dodge Roman’s fist. When he missed, it made Roman tumble forward, giving JJ the opportunity to clamber to his feet.
The kooks steered clear of JJ this time, no one daring to interfere now. Still, he could hear the kooks egging Roman on when JJ wiped the fresh blood dripping from the cut on his lip.
Despite himself, he looked at you once more.
The fear in your eyes made him tense, but you still didn’t look away from him. It made him realize that ever since the fight began, you’d only been looking at him.
Too hard to keep them in the closet where they've been
He looked at you long enough to see your head shake just slightly, but before he could respond, Roman was knocking him to the ground. He felt another hit to the face, dizzying him for a moment before he shoved Roman to the side, hard enough that JJ was able to climb up and land another punch to the face.
He hit him hard, noticing a few spots of blood staining the sand around them.
The pain stinging his face and knuckles was getting harder to ignore, but he wasn’t one to back away from a fight. Especially from a kook who deserved to get a few teeth knocked in.
“Roman, don’t-” Your voice rang out, just before he noticed Roman’s hand closing around an empty beer bottle.
He brought it over JJ’s head, and JJ just barely reacted in time, throwing his hands up to block it, wincing when it shattered over his arms.
“JJ!” He heard you shriek. He almost felt proud in a sickening way, that it was his name you called out, that it was him you were worried about, that it was him you wanted to be okay.
We all make stupid mistakes sometimes
JJ dropped his hands from in front of his face, vaguely aware of the cuts along his arms from the shards of glass. He wanted to look at you, wanted to see how you were feeling.
More than anything, he wanted to hold you.
But still, Roman was glaring up at him, and JJ had to lurch back to avoid getting hit across the face. Quickly, JJ brought a hand back, ready to hit him again.
Before he could, though, two arms wrapped around him and dragged him up to his feet. He struggled instinctively, before realizing it was only John B. His brows were furrowed, and he was going off on him, lecturing him about something he couldn’t process with his heartbeat still loud in his ears and adrenaline still flowing in his veins.
He dragged JJ away from the scene, shoving past kooks that were sneering at the two of them, and continuing to scold him.
You're the one that I miss the most
He looked back only one time while John B was dragging him off to the Twinkie, his breath catching in his throat when he saw you. You were gently lifting Roman to his feet, running a hand over a cut on his cheek like you’d done so often to JJ.
It made his chest burn to know you weren’t his.
John B sat JJ in the passenger seat of the Twinkie, and only then did JJ see Kiara and Pope also trailing behind them, now climbing into the van after him.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get you out of his head. The image of you staring at him in horror was burned into his mind. Over and over, he could hear you calling his name, the way your voice cracked when you were terrified for him.
Worst of all, he couldn’t stop thinking of how quickly you went to Roman the second the fight was over.
Pope gave him a concerned look every minute or so while he drove to the Chateau. Everyone knew how uncharacteristic it was for JJ to be so quiet, but no one wanted to bring up what had just happened.
He was spiraling, and everyone knew it. Even him.
JJ pulled his phone out, sending you a text before he could stop himself.
I saw that a text I sent was left on read
Once they got to the Chateau, John B followed JJ into the guest room, dipping quickly into the bathroom to grab the first aid kit on the way there.
“You’re an idiot.” John B’s tone was harsh, and he set the first aid kit on the nightstand, disappearing for less than a minute to wet a cloth and appearing back in the room to start cleaning up his wounds.
“I know.” JJ’s voice was hoarse, and he was so resigned that John B almost faltered. He thought JJ would still be defensive, and it would lead to an argument.
There was nothing left from JJ, though. He was like a walking corpse, just running on autopilot with the knowledge that you were gone for good.
JJ pulled his phone back out, looking at the text he sent you from the car.
I’m sorry.
You read it a little over ten minutes ago.
He couldn’t stop thinking about all the times he’d gone to you after a fight. You would always chastise him for getting hurt or getting in a fight in the first place, but you were always impossibly gentle.
Gentle in a way John B wasn’t. In a way he couldn’t be. Because no matter how carefully John B tried to help him, he still wasn’t you.
“Ow, dude!” JJ swatted John B’s hand away from his face when he dragged over a cut a little too harshly, grabbing the wet cloth from him. “Jesus, I’ll do it myself.”
Well, I guess I get the message
John B sighed, dropping his head in disappointment before looking back up at him, a stern look on his face.
“Fine. I’ll leave you be. But jesus, JJ, you have to get your shit together.”
JJ nodded, watching John B leave without another word, closing the door to the bedroom a little harder than usual.
Taking a deep breath, JJ stared back down at his phone.
Then he threw it across the room.
It landed on the carpet, rolling a few times before finally stopping. Luckily, it was unharmed, but that still didn’t quell JJ’s anger.
He stood from his spot on the bed, running a hand through his hair, cursing to himself.
“What the fuck, JJ? What the fuck is wrong with you?” He muttered, pacing from one end of the room to the other.
How could he be so stupid? Why did he have to call you that night? Why did he have to ruin everything?
JJ finally dropped back into the bed, fighting back the harsh tears stinging in his eyes. His energy was entirely sapped, and the damp cloth John B was using to clean up his wounds had gone long forgotten on the nightstand beside the still unopened first aid kit.
I lied when I said I really loved your friends
After carefully guiding Roman away from the crowd and inside, you could still hear your friends talking about what happened. You used the term friends loosely, as they were mostly people you knew through Roman, most of which you’d only spoken to a few times.
Now that you set Roman down on a couch, you were staring down at the text JJ just sent you when you happened to overhear the conversation happening behind you.
“I mean, he’s just out of control!” A girl you’d spoken to maybe three times had said. Her name was Mandi, you caught the way she was looking at your boyfriend the whole night. It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would.
“I know!” Another girl spoke up. She’d introduced herself to you earlier, but you couldn’t remember her name for the life of you. “It’s no surprise though, those pogues are insane!”
You stiffened. They were talking about JJ. Your JJ.
“Well, it’s no shocker, right? Have you seen his dad? He spends so much time locked up, of course he raised someone like that!”
You turned, momentarily forgetting your boyfriend and the bruises all over his face.
JJ had always been polite when you had to sneak off to hang out with the kooks. When you called them your friends, JJ never said anything about it, even though you could see how little he trusted them. You knew better than anyone how much JJ hated them, but he never slandered them to you, all he would do is carefully remind you of your worth.
That’s always what he’d done. Remind you of your worth. And you were worth more than this.
Well, I never did
“Can you just shut up?” The words spilled from your lips before you could catch them, and suddenly everyone was staring at you.
“Excuse me?” One of the girls gives you a look, expecting you to back down the instant you got any pushback.
“Don’t tell me you’re defending the guy that beat the shit out of your boyfriend.” Another said, and you briefly remembered where you were, who you were surrounded by. You cast a guilty look to Roman, who was still sat on the couch, now glaring harshly at you.
“I-” Your brain felt scrambled, trapped between your best friends and the group of kooks staring at you. “JJ’s my friend.”
The girls exchanged looks, holding back a laugh. You took a step away from them, beginning to realize that you’ve been more worried about JJ than Roman this whole time.
For a moment, you remembered the day JJ pulled you aside to remind you how much better than these kooks you were. You tried to brush him off, but he wouldn’t let you. He kept his hands on your shoulders until he felt like he’d cemented the fact that you deserved better in your mind.
“You know what?” Your voice sounded much stronger than you felt. “You’re all assholes.”
With that, you spun around, heading towards the door. For a second, you weren’t sure of where you were going, but the destination was engrained deep within your soul.
My brain holds too many poisons
Just before you could get to the door, you felt a hand on your arm, pulling you back.
“Y/N.” Roman’s voice was tight, holding back a deep anger. “Don’t leave.”
Looking up at him, you hesitated. His eye was swollen, and there was a cut on his cheek with a dark bruise forming along his jaw. When he opened his mouth, you could see blood faintly staining his teeth.
“JJ’s my friend.” You repeated, keeping your voice even.
“Well, your friend just attacked me.” He kept his hand on your arm, tightening his grip a little more. “I can’t believe you’re still defending him after what he did, you’re insane!”
You were too conflicted. Sure, it hurt seeing him like this, but you couldn’t shake the worry you had for JJ. It was a worry you couldn’t shake after being the one to clean him up after a fight so many times.
“I’m not-” You stopped, taking a breath to collect your thoughts.
“Not what? He’s just trying to ruin our relationship, why can’t you see that?” The way he raised his voice made you flinch back, eyes wide with shock. “He’s always been trying to ruin us, ever since- ever since he left you that stupid voicemail!”
They helped me make the wrong choices
Every part of your body tensed up, staring at him.
“What voicemail?”
It felt like something was happening around you, like there was something big looming just behind you but you couldn’t see it yet.
Roman hesitated, his grip on your arm loosening enough that you could pull away. “I didn’t mean-”
“What voicemail, Roman?” It felt like you were outside of your own body watching this happen. Your voice felt distant, as if you weren’t the one speaking.
“Nothing.” He reached out for your hand, growing exasperated. The way he tried to grab you felt performative, like he was trying to play the part of the perfect boyfriend. “Let’s just talk, okay? In private.” He glanced for a moment at the group of girls still standing nearby, whispering while they stared the two of you down.
All he cared about was his reputation.
You took a step back, your brows furrowing. “No.”
“No?” He looked at you, the possessive tone making your stomach churn. “Y/N. Let’s talk.”
Another few steps and you’d be at the door. You could leave right now if you wanted.
But you needed answers.
“What. Voicemail.” You asked again, twisting your arm away from him when he tried to grab it.
We all make stupid mistakes sometimes
Roman sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“That night he called you. He left a voicemail.” He started to explain, not looking at you.
“No, he didn’t.” You looked at him, confused, taking another step away from him. “No, he- I didn’t see a voicemail. He didn’t leave a voicemail.”
Still refusing to look at you, Roman shook his head.
“That’s cause I deleted it.”
And the ball drops.
You stared at him for a long time, feeling your world turning upside down in real time. A trust broken forever in the blink of an eye.
“How did you even-” You whispered, taking another step back. Just a few more and you’d be gone.
“You told me your phone password a few months ago.” Despite the guilt in his tone, when he finally met your gaze, he looked at you as if it was your fault. As if you should take the blame for daring to trust him.
Your mind jumped to every moment you let him borrow your phone, every moment you gave it to him for safekeeping, every moment you trusted him.
But I make them more than most
“We’re done.” You said, taking a final step back. You were at the door now, resting a hand on the handle.
“No, wait-” He rushed towards you, pulling on your wrist. “Please, hear me out.”
“Hear you out?” Your voice was louder than you expected, and if stragglers from the party weren’t staring at you already, they definitely were now. “You looked through my phone?”
You couldn’t believe this. You felt like your head was spinning. Pulling away, you threw the door open, storming outside, hearing his footsteps following just behind you.
“It was just to see what the voicemail said! I swear, I just- I did it 'cause I love you!”
You froze.
Neither of you had said those words yet.
Spinning around, you glared at him, desperately trying to ignore the tears welling up in your eyes. “No, you don’t!”
He caught up to you almost immediately, putting both hands on your shoulders. “I swear, I just did it 'cause I didn’t want you to get all confused. I know you used to have feelings for him…”
Used to?
“What did he say?” You asked, forcing yourself not to look away from him.
“Please-”
“What. Did. He. Say.” His touch on your shoulders was making you feel sick, but you didn’t pull away. Not yet.
“He- he said he loved you. Kept going on about how I wasn’t treating you right, that he would treat you better-”
“He’s right.” Finally pulling away, you gave him as firm of a look as you could manage with tears in your eyes.
And it's my fault that I live my life
“I can’t believe you.” Your voice cracked as you spoke, turning away from him and walking away from the beach. The party had almost entirely died down by now, but you could still feel every eye on you as you stormed away from Roman, wiping angry tears from your eyes.
He called after you, but you refused to turn around. Your mind had already shifted to the thought of JJ, wondering if he was okay.
You walked past a few groups of people before you finally made it out of the sand, reaching the street.
Faintly, you could still hear him calling after you, begging you to reconsider and give him a second chance. His voice sounded desperate like he was starting to cry.
Sniffling, you wiped away another tear that slipped down your cheek.
You still didn’t turn around.
Running away from ghosts
The Chateau wasn’t very far from the party, but it was still a bit of a walk. Long enough that the times you’d wanted to walk back, JJ never let you go alone.
You sighed at the memory, kicking a rock as you took another step.
It didn’t help that after five minutes, you felt a droplet of water hit you. It was starting to rain.
Still, you continued on, the thought of JJ sitting alone in the guest room of the Chateau only encouraging you further. Logically, you knew he could reach out to John B, Pope, or Kiara if he wanted to. But you also knew he wouldn’t. He had a tendency to shut down, pushing people away in his worst moments.
You walked right past his house, knowing better than to check to see if he was even home. Especially after a party, there was no way he’d be going home like that.
The rain continued to fall, growing quickly from a small drizzle into pouring rain. It didn’t take long for your clothes to be soaked through before you even made it halfway to the house.
Too many skeletons
As you trudged down the street, you couldn’t help but think about JJ. You’d been avoiding him and the pogues for weeks. You knew they weren’t stupid enough to know you were pushing them away, saying no every time they wanted to hang out with you. Part of you worried he wouldn’t even want to see you again, but you couldn’t let it happen. You needed to talk to him again.
The last time you hung out with JJ alone felt like years ago. Sure, you’d hung out with the pogues and he’d been there, but you and JJ hadn’t hung out just the two of you in forever.
He snuck in through your window – you started keeping a ladder by it just in case ever since the second time he showed up unannounced. He brought snacks and sat next to you in your bed while you watched movies for hours.
Despite the rain and the tears streaming down your face, you smiled at the memory before your face quickly fell, remembering just how long ago it was. It happened about a week before you started dating Roman. A week before your relationship with JJ got tense and distant.
How could you be so stupid? How could you let Roman ruin everything?
Another tear slipped down your face, mixing with the rain.
Too hard to keep them in the closet where they've been
After a while, you looked up, seeing the Chateau in the distance. You picked up your pace, a newfound energy in you once your destination was in sight.
The lights were on, and through one of the windows, you could see someone moving around. Squinting, you noticed it couldn’t be JJ. The movements were too casual, and the silhouette wasn’t quite right.
“John B,” You whispered, running a hand over your face to wipe off some of the rainwater that covered you.
When you got closer, you saw Kiara and Pope sitting outside on the covered porch. They immediately halted their conversation when they saw you, staring wide-eyed.
“Uh,” You walked up the steps, facing them nervously. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Kiara gave you a tight smile, glancing at Pope, the two having a silent conversation.
“How’s Roman’s face?” Pope asked, earning another look from Kiara.
“He’s… I don’t know, I-” You stopped, having so much you wanted to say, but you couldn’t form a coherent sentence. After a moment, you took a shaky breath. “I kinda just broke up with him.”
“Oh shit.” Pope leaned forward in his seat.
“You did? Oh my god.” You could tell from the look in Kiara’s eyes that her first thought was JJ. She was the first one you told about how in love with him you were, after all.
There was a beat of silence, where none of you knew what to say.
“He’s, uh, he’s inside,” Kiara said quietly, nodding towards the house.
You nodded, turning away from them to knock at the door.
We all make stupid mistakes sometimes
You heard immediate shuffling once you knocked at the door.
It wasn’t long before John B pulled the door open, freezing when he saw you.
“Can I see him?” You asked, not even realizing you were still shivering from the rain.
“Uh,” He glanced behind him, craning his neck to look down the hall to the guest room where the door was still shut.
“Please.” John B looked back at you, seeing the desperation in your eyes.
“Yeah. He’s in his room.”
He stepped aside and you walked into the Chateau. The instant you were inside, you felt the memories flooding back to you. It was painful, realizing that you were pushing your best friends away.
“Need a towel?” John B’s voice brought you out of your daze. “You’re kinda-” He gestured vaguely to you, shivering and soaked to the bone.
You had half a mind to say no, wanting nothing more than to beeling to the guest room to see JJ. Still, John B was already grabbing a towel, tossing it into your arms.
Quickly, you wiped it over your face, drying off as much as you could. You were still freezing, but you felt slightly better.
“Thank you.” Carefully, you set the towel down, now looking down the hallway where the guest room was.
At first, your steps were slow, but by the time you reached the door, you were practically running.
You're the one that I miss the most
You burst through the door, freezing in your tracks when you saw JJ.
He was sat at the head of the bed, covering his face with his hands, not looking up at you. His hair was messed up, and you could clearly see the bruises and cuts along his knuckles, still fresh from the fight. You didn’t get a good glimpse of his face at the party, and you knew it was going to kill you to see what Roman did to him.
At the sound of the door opening, JJ sighed quietly. He looked so defeated.
“John B, can you just-”
“JJ.” You breathed out, making him visibly tense. He looked up quickly, disbelief in his eyes.
You couldn’t form any words past his name, staring at the boy you loved for so long. There were tear stains on his face, and the sight almost destroyed you. Seeing him sitting there, staring back at you, just as speechless as you felt, made your heart swell.
The feeling faded almost instantly, and you felt sick to your stomach when his gaze shifted, and a wave of forced indifference fell over his features.
My brain holds too many poisons
“What are you doing here?” His voice had a harshness to it that you fought hard to ignore.
“I-” You tried to speak, but your voice kept getting caught in your throat.
All you could do was stare at him. How much he’d changed in two weeks and how little he changed at the same time. He looked endlessly tired, and he had his guard up in a way he didn’t have since the two of you met.
“JJ-”
“You shouldn’t be here. Don’t you have a boyfriend to be taking care of?” The coldness in his voice made you shrink in on yourself.
“I don’t- I was-” You forced yourself to inhale, before exhaling slowly. “I was worried about you.”
He scoffed, rolling his eyes.
“You shouldn’t be.” His voice wasn’t as harsh now, but you could hear the bitterness behind it.
The fact that you hurt JJ hurt you so much that you almost started crying again.
They helped me make the wrong choices
He’s refusing to look at you, but you can still see the damage Roman had done.
Slowly, you walked toward him, gently lifting his chin to make him look at you, your gaze softening at how bad his face looked. It was slightly reassuring to see that they didn’t look nearly as bad as Roman’s looked, but it hurt more seeing JJ hurt like this.
He moved your hand away, being gentle with you despite the glare still on his face.
“John B cleaned me up. Why are you here?”
“He didn’t do a very good job.” You said, noticing the first aid kit and the damp cloth still sitting on the nightstand.
Opening it, you inspect what supplies you have to work with, before grabbing the cloth and turning back to JJ.
“Can I?”
He nodded ever so slightly, not looking at you.
As carefully as you could, you began to clean up his face. He had a busted lip, and there was a cut under one of his eyes with a bruise forming around it. When he hissed in pain at your touch, you stop for a moment, moving as gently and carefully as possible.
We all make stupid mistakes sometimes
Once you finished up, you took a step back to inspect his face. He still won’t look up at you, and you understood why. You couldn’t blame him for being angry.
“I fucked up, I know.” You sighed, picking the damp cloth back up.
JJ said nothing, finally looking at you while you carefully picked up his hand, cradling it in yours. You inspected the bruises along his knuckles, frowning.
“This looks bad.” You muttered, dabbing the wet cloth over the few cuts on his hand.
“Looks worse than it feels.” He said, his voice softer now. It didn’t have the same coldness to it anymore, and you had to stop yourself from tearing up at the thought that he just might forgive you.
You stayed silent for a while, trying to ignore JJ’s gaze burning into you while you worked on his hand. JJ was the one to break the silence, shifting slightly in his spot on the bed.
“You’re soaking wet.” There was a rasp to his voice while he observed you, noticing the slight shiver while your clothes clung to your body.
“It started raining while I was running over here.” You replied now that you finished cleaning his knuckles, voice so quiet JJ had to strain to hear you.
But I make them more than most
Hesitantly, you took a seat next to him on the bed, leaning back against the headboard.
“I never knew, you know.” You tucked your knees close to your chest, not looking at him. “How you felt.”
“Then why did you ignore me? You told me not to speak to you again-” JJ stopped himself, noticing the way he was raising his voice. He took a deep breath, steadying himself. “Just- why?”
“My boyfriend.” You started, resting your head on your knees. Still, you couldn’t look at him, a deep-rooted shame building within you, disappointed at yourself for listening to Roman blindly. “He told me you were trying to ruin my relationship.”
JJ rolled his eyes, muttering something under his breath. He inhaled sharply, opening his mouth to speak again when you stopped him.
“I broke up with him.”
Now, JJ’s full focus was on you, the anger in his eyes dying just a little. “You what?”
“I didn’t know about the voicemail.” You continued, shifting a little in your seat.
JJ reached a hand out, resting it on your leg as a silent reminder.
A reminder that he’s here for you. After everything.
And it's my fault that I live my life
“I didn’t know, I really didn’t.” You said quietly, cringing at the way your voice broke.
The bed dipped a little when JJ moved, leaning forward to look at you.
“Hey-”
“He deleted it, I never-” You turn slightly to look at him, realizing just how close he was to you now. “I never heard it.”
“It’s fine, I was drunk. It was a stupid mistake. I’m sorry it happened.” He looked away from you for only a moment before his eyes were on you again. “I didn’t mean to ruin our friendship.”
“You didn’t. You didn’t do anything.” You turned your attention to JJ’s hand still on your leg, his thumb rubbing up and down.
“Y/N-” He started, sighing softly.
“No, JJ, don’t.” You knew JJ well enough to know he would start blaming himself, and you tried to put a stop to it, putting your hands on either side of his face.
Running away from ghosts
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t ruin anything. I shouldn’t have listened to him, he-” With a start, you realized how close you were to JJ now, not having the heart to move your hands away from his face.
“Okay. I believe you. It wasn’t my fault.” He said, unable to tear his gaze away from you.
“He’s an asshole.” You tried to laugh it off, but it fell short when you saw JJ’s eyes dart down to your lips before focusing back on your eyes.
“So,” He whispered, one of his hands resting on your waist, the other still on your leg. “Why did you come here, anyway?”
The question hung in the air, floating in the small space between you and JJ. He was only inches away, and it was becoming increasingly hard to focus on anything other than the urge to kiss him.
“Y/N?” He spoke up again when you didn’t respond. But who could blame you? He was so close, looking at you so softly that it was making your brain short-circuit.
“I needed to see you.” You finally said, looking between JJ’s eyes and his lips.
JJ didn’t respond, staring at you with an expression you couldn’t quite decipher.
Too many skeletons
“Why did you need to see me?” He asked after what felt like forever.
“I was worried about you. I had to make sure you were okay.” Your voice was soft, whispering like the words were meant for JJ alone.
“I’m okay.” He said, his voice holding the same softness yours did.
Reluctantly, you pulled away from him, dropping your hands to your lap. JJ, however, kept his hands on you, bringing the hand on your waist up to rub your arm.
“I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry for letting Roman ruin our friendship. I just- I was just scared.” You couldn’t look up at him, dropping your gaze down to your lap.
“Scared of what?” He leaned forward slightly, still needing to be so close to you.
“I think I was just scared of my feelings.” The second the words left your mouth, you felt warm all over, not wanting to be rejected by JJ after everything.
“Your feelings?”
You nodded, keeping your attention down, fiddling with the blanket laid over the top of the bed.
Too hard to keep them in the closet where they've been
JJ’s breath hitched, and you could hear him whisper your name. Still, you don’t look up at him, unable to make eye contact with how vulnerable you felt.
“Hey.” His voice is soft, and you don’t move away when one of his hands rests over yours. “Look at me, sweetheart.”
Weakly, you looked up at him, seeing a fondness in his eyes that you’d never seen before. There was a smile pulling at his lips
You found yourself entranced by the look in his eyes, unable to look away.
We all make stupid mistakes sometimes
“It was stupid, I shouldn’t have left you because he told me to.” He leaned closer, listening to your apology with a newfound giddiness. “I’m sorry.”
There was a frown on your face despite the growing smile on his own face.
“You love me?”
For a moment, you were surprised, suddenly feeling very vulnerable with the way JJ was looking at you. It felt like he could see into your soul, unearthing every secret you’d ever had.
“I-” There was a part of you that wanted to deny it, to save face and tell him you didn’t mean it. But something about the way he was staring at you like you held all the stars in your eyes made you stop. “Yeah. Yeah, I love you. Of course I do, JJ.”
His grin grew wider, and he leaned closer still.
You're the one that I miss the most
JJ put one hand on your cheek, his other hand still resting over your hand. As gently as he could, he pulled you toward him until your face was inches away from his.
Your breath gets caught in your throat, and you could feel your heart beating fast in your chest.
“Can I kiss you?” He asked, so close to you that his nose was touching yours.
Instead of responding, you closed the distance between you two, loosely wrapping your arms around his neck while he brought you closer.
Finally, when you pulled back for air, JJ rested his forehead against yours.
“I missed you.” He mumbled, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek.
You grinned, feeling like your heart might beat entirely out of your chest as you shut him up with another kiss. It was a silent agreement between the two of you, to never leave again.
An agreement that you would be here for each other. After everything.
You sat on the couch fiddling with a bracelet you stole from JJ years ago while your mom stood in front of you, in the middle of another lecture about you being friends with the pogues.
Coming from Figure Eight, you were introduced to the pogues through Kiara when you were kids, and it felt like your mom had something new to say about it every week.
“You should really stop seeing them.” Your mom continues, crossing her arms over her chest as she looks down at you.
You stay quiet, hoping she’ll get bored and find something else to complain about if you just sit there and take it long enough.
“I don’t believe they have your best interest at heart!” Her words make you frown, and you glare up at her.
“Are you kidding me? They’ve always had my best interest at heart!” You can’t help but argue. So much for staying quiet.
“Did they have your best interest at heart when they made you sneak out and I only found out you were gone when I got a call from the hospital that you sprained your ankle?”
You roll your eyes. She loves using that night against you.
The truth was you were the one that suggested sneaking out. You were bored all week, so you texted them to pick you up. It was all going perfectly fine until you jumped down a slight cliff, landing wrong and spraining your ankle. When you couldn’t walk, the pogues went into panic mode, and John B drove you to the hospital.
“We don’t mix with the pogues.” Your mom continues, clearly not letting up anytime soon.
“What about Kie? She’s friends with the pogues!” You try, but from the way your mom sighs, you realize you shouldn’t have said anything.
“And her parents are very disappointed in her. Is that what you want? To be a disappointment?” She says, making you freeze.
“Kie is-” You hesitate when you see the look on her face. Part of you wants to fight back, defend your friends like you know they’d defend you, but another part of you knows it’ll be easier to just back down.
“Well?” Your mom looks at you expectantly.
“…No, I don’t.” You mutter, staring hard at the ground.
“They don’t care about you.” She says, so casually that you have to blink a few times to even realize what she said.
“Yes, they do.” Despite how defeated you feel, you can’t help but speak up. “They care about me.”
Your mom rolls her eyes. “Oh please, I thought I raised you to be smarter than that.”
Without another word, she walks out of the room, leaving you frozen solid on the couch. Instinctively, you take off your bracelet to turn it over in your hands. It was a simple beaded bracelet, one you snatched from the guestroom at John B’s, which had unofficially become JJ’s room.
You couldn’t help but let her words sink in, the shred of insecurity within you building the more you stared down at the bracelet.
It wasn’t intentional, but you felt yourself distancing from the rest of the pogues. Your resolve was weak, and you let your mom drag you to every dumb kook party she found out about.
At first, JJ texted you every day. His texts started out asking when you were free, telling you about times to meet up with the rest of the group. Slowly, they transitioned into asking if the two of you could talk, or asking if you could make time to see the pogues. Then, the final text he sent you was one you stared at for hours.
I miss you.
You wanted to respond, but the guilt was overwhelming. Every part of you was convinced that they hated you, that you could never come crawling back to the pogues.
So you turned off your phone, shoving it into your purse as you continued to get ready for whatever event your mom was bringing you to this time.
You didn’t enjoy any of them, and you just spent the entire time standing in the corner. Every time, you’d start the night off by grabbing a drink, and the adults would look away. After all, a kook can’t do anything wrong in their eyes.
After being forced along to enough parties, there was a small group you’d become acquainted with. They were a trio of kook girls who would rather talk about their status and which boy they want to take to Midsummers rather than anything of substance, but you made do with what you could.
It took almost two months before JJ even saw you again.
Someone had thrown a party at the Boneyard, and of course, it was packed. There were kooks, tourons, and pogues all mingling. It was the kind of night that ended in a fight half the time, but it seemed to be smooth sailing for now.
JJ stood with Kiara, Pope, and John B with an untouched drink in his hand, turning when he heard a crowd of people cheering.
It was a circle of kooks, and he frowned when he noticed what they were all focused on.
In the middle of the crowd of people, you were stood, chugging a beer faster than the rich kid in front of you.
JJ’s grip on his drink tightens, and he can’t take his eyes off you. He couldn’t help but remember the way you used to be, and wonder what went wrong.
“Is that your first drink?” JJ asked, wrapping an arm around you.
You laughed, raising the still nearly full cup. “Yep.”
“Wow,” He drawled. “Look out, we got a party animal on our hands!”
You shoved him playfully, smiling from ear to ear when you heard JJ’s laughter. “Someone has to be sober enough to drive you idiots home!”
JJ nodded, looking over at John B who was shotgunning a beer, then to Kiara who had convinced Pope to smoke a joint with her.
“You’re probably right, princess.”
“What’s got you all riled up?” John B asked, noticing the way JJ’s jaw clenched.
Kiara and Pope turned their attention to him as well, the three of them all following his gaze to you.
“Oh.” Was all Kiara said, her heart dropping at the sight of you. The two of you had been best friends, and she was beyond hurt by the distance you put between them.
“Didn’t know she could drink like that,” Pope said quietly, glancing at Kie.
More than anything, JJ wanted to go back to the party, and hanging out with his friends, but once he took a few steps, he knew there was no turning back.
He barely got away from the group before Kiara grabbed his arm, pulling him back slightly. “JJ, she left for a reason. We shouldn’t meddle.”
He looked at her for a moment. The concern in her eyes mimicked his own, and he knew she was just as worried about your new drinking habits as he was. Still, she was stronger than him, and when he looked back at you and saw you losing your balance, he shook his head.
“There’s no world where I’m leaving her alone surrounded by kooks when she can barely stand.”
Kiara lets him go, knowing it was no use, and he shoves through the crowd, ignoring the glares and whispers from the kooks as he does. When he manages to get to the front of the circle they made around you, he sees you talking to a kid named Brian. JJ had only interacted with him a few times, back when he had a shitty waiter job at a fancy restaurant on Figure Eight. The kid never tipped, and always treated the waitstaff – especially JJ – like they were less than scum.
You took a step back, tripping over your own two feet and almost falling over.
JJ rushed forward, catching you just before you hit the sand.
“I got you.” He whispers, helping you stand back up.
The second his arms were around you, steadying you, he could feel you leaning on him for support. It took a moment for you to look up at him with tired eyes, brows furrowing when you saw his face.
“JJ?”
He nods, forcing a smile. He shifts so he has an arm around your waist, helping you along. “Let’s get you outta here.”
You want to protest, especially when you hear the kooks whispering as you walk past them, but you don’t have the strength as he walks you to the Twinkie.
When he opens the back, gently helping you onto the floor of the van, you feel tears sting your eyes. It had been so long since you’d been in John B’s car, and it was almost too much for you.
JJ searched the van quickly, grabbing his backpack off one of the seats and fishing through it until he found a water bottle, handing it to you.
“Here,” He watches you take it with a small smile on his face. “Let me help you.”
You take a long drink, gulping the water down before looking up at him, tears in your eyes.
“You shouldn’t have to.” Is all you could say, eyelids heavy when you hand the water bottle back.
“I know.” He whispers, gently setting the water bottle down and climbing out of the van. “I’ll be right back.
You sit in silence for a few minutes, feeling warm and tired from the alcohol. A tear slipped down your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away, trying hard not to cry.
Just being back in John B’s van was enough for everything to come back to you. Everything you’d told yourself you’d be better off without was confronting you dead on now, and you couldn’t hold back.
By the time JJ got back, you couldn’t stop crying.
“Alright,” He climbed into the driver’s seat, turning to look at you before he froze. “Whoa, hey, are you okay?”
You barely nod, trying to wipe your tears away.
Quickly, he moves to the back of the van again, kneeling in front of you.
“What’s wrong, princess?” His voice was impossibly gentle, in a way you didn’t realize was reserved just for you.
“I missed you.” You say quietly, voice breaking painfully.
He reaches forward, wiping away the tears on your face. You lean into his touch, closing your eyes.
“I missed you too.” The crack in his voice makes you open your eyes, seeing a tear slip down his cheek.
“I’m sorry.” You whisper, sniffling.
In an instant, JJ’s pulling you close. You wrap your arms around him, burying your face in his neck. When he pressed a kiss to the top of your head, you were half convinced you’d hallucinated it.
“I shouldn’t have left.” You say, voice muffled by his embrace.
“I know, sweetheart.” He whispers back like his words are meant for you and you alone. “I know. Just don’t do it again, okay?”
“I promise.” You say, feeling a weight leave your chest. It feels like you can finally breathe again. “I promise.”
A/N: i've finished it! i wanted to post the last two chapters at the same time so u wouldn't have to wait for what is essentially an epilogue, but i hope u enjoy !!
Previous Chapter
A couple of months had passed since Peter made the decision to stay, and the two of you found comfort in your routines. He joined you to visit your family, watching you slowly open back up to Pepper, and spend more time around Morgan.
Today, Peter had been alone all day, lounging around while you went out grocery shopping. He offered to join you, but you insisted on going alone to avoid dealing with his sticky fingers.
A knock at the door surprised Peter, and he frowned, checking the time while he walked towards the front door. He knew you weren’t home yet, and you would’ve let him know if Happy or Rhodey were gonna drop by.
When he opened the door, he froze.
Before him stood the X-Men, with Professor X at the head of the group. He looked over the team, seeing Scott, Jean, Hank, and Ororo standing behind Charles.
“Oh.” He muttered, opening the door wider to let them in. “Uh, hi?”
Peter ushered them inside, sitting in the living room on the couch opposite them, unsure of what to say or do. He’d never considered the possibility of his friends finding him.
Scott was the first to speak up.
“So, how did you manage to stay at this place? Last I checked you haven’t paid for a damn thing in your life.” He looked around, visibly impressed by the apartment.
“Oh, you know…” Peter shrugs, giving them an awkward smile.
“Anyway, that doesn’t matter.” Hank cuts in. “You can come home now, we spent forever figuring out a way to travel between dimensions. It’s a one-way trip, and we’re kinda on a time limit, so we gotta get going.”
Everyone turns to Peter, looking at him expectantly. He stands slowly, the dread building in his chest nearly becoming unbearable.
“What’s wrong?” Ororo asked, her brows furrowing while Jean and Charles exchanged a look.
“I’m… good, actually.” He said, shoving his hands in his pockets as he looked at them.
“Peter, we’re gonna bring you home…” Hank said, confused.
“Yeah, I kinda prefer it here, actually,” Peter muttered, shrugging. He glanced at the clock again, knowing you’re gonna be home any minute.
Charles, who had been silent the entire time, didn’t take his eyes off Jean. He gave her a long look as if the two were having a silent conversation.
“So, wait, why aren’t you coming back?” Scott’s tone was incredulous, earning him a light slap on the shoulder from Jean.
“I, uh, kinda found a good thing here. Something I don’t plan on letting go anytime soon.”
Scott rolls his eyes, though it wasn’t visible with the glasses he had on. “Oh please, what could possibly be keeping you from going home?”
As if on cue, everyone hears the unlocking and opening of the front door. Immediately, Peter straightens, and the X-Men were quick to notice how fast his attention was captured by the noise. Scott opens his mouth to make a smartass comment before a voice rings out into the apartment.
“Hey, Pete!” You call out, struggling to hold all the grocery bags in your hands as you make your way further into the room, kicking the door shut behind you. “The store was out of Twinkies, so we might have to run out to the store across town later if we get low-”
By the time you round the corner, you freeze. Five strangers stared back at you with an expression that surely matched your own.
“Of course it was for a girl,” Scott said under his breath, making you frown.
“Hey!” Peter finally snaps out of his daze, speeding over to you to take the bags from your hands, having the groceries put away before you could blink.
You don’t react to his speed, still staring at the people crowded in your living room.
Peter walked up beside you, gesturing to the group.
“These are… The X-Men. My old team.”
It’s only then that you turn away from the group, giving Peter a confused look. Quickly, he points out who’s who, and you can finally put names to faces.
“It’s lovely to meet you.” One of them, Charles, says. “But we should get going if we want to make it back to our own dimension. I’m sure you’re already aware we’re not from here.”
You frown at him, then your eyes widen, a flash of fear making its way onto your face as you look at Peter. There’s a moment where you’re sure he would leave with them.
And yet, he looks at you with a calm smile, and your fears dissolved instantly.
Without looking away from you, Peter spoke again. “Hey, Hank?”
Hank turned, the X-Men already on their way to the exit, and looked to Peter expectantly.
“Let me know if you ever figure out a way to hop between dimensions. I might consider visiting then.”
Hank grins, nodding before going back to the group.
You stand, still shocked while Peter speeds after them, wishing them a quick goodbye and hugging each of them before shutting the door behind them. The second the door shuts, he’s standing in front of you again, a gust of wind left in his wake.
“They seemed nice.” You say quietly, reaching forward and fiddling with his fingers absentmindedly.
He nods, looking at you with a soft smile. “Yeah, they’re alright I guess.”
Peter leans forward, pressing a kiss to your cheek with a grin.
When you finally pull out of the hug, you keep both hands on his shoulders. “There must be so many people looking for you, though.” You see Peter’s smile falter for only a moment before he recovers, though his gaze immediately grows distant.
He shakes his head, looking down to the floor to avoid eye contact. It’s clear how hard he’s trying to stay casual, but you knew him too well already. You could practically see him getting trapped in his own head, thinking hard about something you couldn’t see.
“There’s a whole world full of people that already know you, and have for years.” You continue, dropping one hand from his shoulder to gently grab his hand. “You can’t just throw all that away for, what, me? Peter, I’m not nearly important enough for that!”
He shuts his eyes, running a hand over his face with a heavy sigh. “Y/N-”
“I mean, you deserve to be with people who care about you, who love you!”
“I already am.”
He forces himself to look up, meeting your gaze. He looks more sure than you’d ever seen him, and you feel like the air had been ripped out of your lungs.
“Listen,” His voice was impossibly gentle, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. “I’m not close with a ton of people. I mean, I’m not really close to anyone. But the time I’ve spent here has been better than anything. It feels like I actually have a reason to stay – I actually have someone I love to stay for. And I’m pretty sure you need me.
Tears sting at your eyes, but you can’t get any words out. You can feel your heart beating painfully in your chest, so hard you were sure Peter could hear it. Still, he looked at you, the sincerity in his eyes making you weak in the knees.
You barely realize how long you’ve been silent until Peter frowns, taking a hesitant step back, stammering.
“I mean, unless you don’t, then I guess that’s fine-”
Your eyes widen, and before he can continue spiraling, you step forward and kiss him. Your hands rest on either side of his face, pulling him towards you.
He makes a noise of surprise before instantly melting into the kiss, his hands falling to your waist.
When you finally pull away for air, you reach up, wrapping your arms loosely around his neck.
“Of course I want you to stay, Peter.” You whisper, keeping your voice low as if it would ruin the moment to say it any louder. “I love you.”
His shoulders dropped, visibly relaxing at your words, a grin pulling at the corners of his lips. There was an adoration in his eyes that made your heart skip a beat, and you couldn’t stop yourself from leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.
He continued to look at you, the admiring glint in his eyes slowly changing to one of mischief. It was a look you knew all too well, and it made you furrow your brows at him.
Before you could even begin to protest, you were suddenly standing at the top of the Avenger’s Tower with a newfound dizziness that made you stumble backward with a bout of nausea that had you leaning on Peter for support.
“You bastard.” You hissed, clinging to his arm, a betrayed look in your eyes. Peter laughed softly, putting an arm gently around you while you steady yourself.
It took you a second to realize where you actually were, glancing around the New York skyline before your gaze finally settled on Peter, tilting your head in confusion.
“How did you..?”
Peter’s grin widened, pulling an ID card out of his pocket. It was an ID to get into the tower, permitting Avenger’s level access. You looked between the card and him, a smile slowly pulling at your lips.
“When Doctor Strange knew I was here to stay he pulled a few strings, got me into the group. Said that you guys are always in need of new heroes.” He shoved the ID back into his pocket, throwing an arm over your shoulders.
You nod, leaning into his touch. “The stakes keep getting higher, so we definitely always need new help.”
Peter chuckled, kissing the top of your head before turning back to the skyline.
“Man, isn’t this view insane? This is the tallest building I’ve ever been on the roof of.”
You can’t help but laugh, nodding a little. You bit back a comment about how often you’d seen the view considering you grew up with access to the tower.
Instead, you turn to him with a wide smile, leaning up to kiss his cheek.
Warnings: alcohol is consumed but it's pretty vague cause i don't know how to write drunk characters
Words: 3K
A/N: this is very loosely based on disaster by conan gray because I've been playing it on repeat all week thinking of jj so i hope yall like it !!!
It was a late night at the boneyard, where a party was in full swing.
You stood off to the side, rolling your eyes while Kie was in the middle of trying to convince you for the millionth time that JJ was deeply in love with you and that you had to ask him out right that instant. She’d had a few drinks and was a little more persuasive than she usually was.
Still, you continued to brush her off, eyeing the crowd around you while she nursed her drink.
“Y/N, I have known him my whole life. I am one hundred percent certain he’s in love with you!” She said, arms moving so enthusiastically that she almost spilled her beer onto the sand.
“Kie, he really isn’t.” While every part of you wanted to believe he really did like you, there was no way you’d let yourself get your hopes up only to have them crushed in the face of his rejection. “Plus, if I ask him out and he says no? That will destroy the group dynamic! I’ll never be able to show my face around him or any of you, and I refuse to be the reason that the pogues are forced to disband!”
“Except he’s not gonna say no!” Kie leaned closer to you, a wide smile on her face. She nudged you lightly, ignoring the glare you sent her way. “He really likes you, trust me.”
As the words leave her mouth, you look past her and see JJ Maybank himself.
He was leaning against a tree, drink in hand, talking to some touron that was batting her eyelashes at him.
You grimace, forcing yourself to look away just long enough to make disappointed eye contact with Kie.
It’s enough to make her turn, shoulders dropping sadly when she catches sight of him.
“Shit,” She muttered, giving you a pitied look that you tried to ignore.
You brushed it off, shaking your head and plastering on a smile.
“Hey, it’s fine.”
She doesn’t look the slightest bit convinced, so you keep talking.
“I was right at least.” You take a couple of steps away from her, already fishing your keys out of your pocket to flee the party scene.
Before you did, you quickly turned back to your friend, holding the keys up.
“You don’t need a ride home, right?” For emphasis, you dangled the car keys, but Kie shook her head.
“Nah, I got a ride tonight.”
You nod, forcing yourself to keep the smile on your face. Turning, you throw up a hand in a quick wave.
“Later Kie!”
You tried to ignore the feeling of bile in your throat as you trudged through the sand toward where you parked your car. While staying sober had made the night mind-numbingly boring, it gave you the opportunity to make a clean getaway before you had to talk to JJ and get your feelings hurt.
The whole drive home you kept the music on full blast, hoping that if it was loud enough it would keep your darker thoughts from invading your mind.
It only half worked.
Once you were finally home, you collapsed onto your bed with a heavy sigh, staring up at the ceiling while your thoughts went wild with every awkward thing you’d said and done since the party started.
Despite your reluctance, you forced yourself back up, climbing off the bed to peel off the uncomfortable clothes Kie convinced you to wear for the party. You did admit they made you look good, but in the dead of night when you were half awake, it didn’t feel very worth it.
Throwing on some soft pajamas, you curled back up in bed, pulling out your phone.
Like most nights, you found yourself hovering over JJ’s contact.
Usually, you would type out a long message detailing how in love with him you were, and then delete it like nothing ever happened. Now, however, you were eyeing the call button.
You knew he hadn’t gone home yet, and if you were to actually call him you doubt he’d even answer.
God, you just wanted to hear his voice.
The loneliest parts of you took control, and you let your eyes flutter closed for a second.
“Hello?” Your eyes shot open when you heard JJ’s voice on the other line, barely even registering the fact that you’d even pressed the call button.
Scrambling, you put the phone to your ear, cursing yourself internally as you stumbled towards an explanation.
“I’m so sorry,” You started, screwing your eyes shut in embarrassment.
“What’s up?” He asked. You could still hear the party going on around him, and you tried not to think about how he still picked up – and almost immediately, too.
“I’m just drunk,” The lie slips from your lips before you can really think about it. “I shouldn’t have called-”
“Y/N-” He tried to interrupt, but you were already rambling on.
“I just wanted to… um… chat?” You pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to get your brain to start functioning.
JJ didn’t say anything for a while, and you swore you faintly heard John B asking him a question in the distance.
“I’m just, uh, I’m drunk,” You repeated, still unsure why you were lying about that. If you thought any harder you would remember that you told JJ you weren’t drinking tonight when he offered you a solo cup full of beer. “I’m just gonna let you go, I’m sorry for calling-”
“Hey,” He almost sounded frustrated, and the firm tone made you freeze up. “Chill, Y/N.”
You stayed deathly silent, barely remembering to breathe.
“I know you’re not drunk, I saw you ten minutes ago driving home. What’s actually up?” Shit. You didn’t think he actually saw you leaving.
You didn’t know what to say, opening and closing your mouth with no luck.
“You don’t have to lie to me, you know.” JJ continued, his voice much softer now. “Why’d you call, sunshine?”
The nickname pulled something within your heart, and you were sure that if you were drunk, you would’ve told him everything in an instant.
“Just wanted to talk?” It came out almost like a question, and you could hear a car door opening and closing on the other line.
“What’d you wanna talk about?”
And so, the two of you spent the next few hours chatting about anything that came to your mind. JJ had moved into the Twinkie to get away from the noise, and you forced your eyes to stay open despite how exhausted you were, just to talk to him.
“Hey, maybe I’ll drop by tomorrow. I can bring food and we can watch some movies?” He said it in a way that made it sound like he was unsure you’d even say yes. The thought of him coming over alone made your heart beat just a little faster, despite how often it had happened at this point.
It was nights like these that you liked to pretend he could be yours. Deep down, you knew it was a fantasy that was far out of your reach, but with the way his voice was softer than anything, you couldn’t help the giddy smile pulling at your lips.
“That sounds nice.”
JJ chuckled, and you could finally hear him shifting from his spot on the floor of the Twinkie.
He only hung up when John B began piling into the car with Pope and Kie in tow, hurriedly telling you goodbye before you were sitting alone in the silence of your bedroom.
You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face no matter how hard you tried, keeping your phone tucked close to your chest as if it would float away.
You were definitely in too deep.
Slowly, you brought yourself back to reality, the darkness of your room reminding you that JJ was not in fact yours, and if he hadn’t been on the way to the Chateau right now, he’d be bringing home the nearest girl that gave him the time of day.
He wasn’t yours, and you had to get over that.
It was in the middle of your spiraling that your phone buzzed.
It was a text from JJ.
“Is noon tomorrow okay?”
You grinned, remembering he was coming over. He may have all the girls on the island wrapped around his finger, but you were the one he wanted to see outside of the parties and away from all the alcohol.
When another party rolled around, you weren’t surprised to see JJ not far off with a girl who you paled in comparison to.
You were already a little drunk, content in the knowledge that John B was driving you back to the Chateau with the rest of the pogues tonight.
JJ leaned closer to the girl, whispering something in her ear. She giggled, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, pushing through the party to get to the keg. You tried to squeeze your eyes shut, shaking your head a couple of times to rid the image from your mind, but it proved persistent. It felt like the image of him leaning over her was burned in your memory now.
Finally, you made it to the keg, and a kid around your age offered to refill your cup for you.
So you did.
Then, you refilled it again. And again. And again.
It wasn’t until Pope was grabbing the drink out of your hand that you really realized how far you had gone.
“Let’s get you home, okay?” John B’s voice made you turn, not even noticing him standing beside Pope until he spoke.
Home, you knew, meant the Chateau. There was no way John B would drive you home to face your parents when you were this plastered.
With a faint nod, you let him guide you to the car. Pope followed, calling out to Kie to let her know they’d be back once they got you situated.
You were silent the whole car ride there, half asleep on Pope’s shoulder.
When you arrived, Pope opened the door for the two of you and walked you inside with John B trailing behind. He tossed you a pair of old sweatpants you left behind forever ago, and one of the guys’ t-shirts that was lying around, turning around while you changed.
Once they made sure you were situated, they left to make their way back to the party.
You sat alone in the guest room and pulled out your phone.
The confession you would type out to JJ became nearly a nightly ritual, so much so that even in your drunken state you were focused on typing out everything you were feeling for him.
You stared down at the essay of a text message, exhaling deeply before going to delete it.
It wasn’t until your finger slipped and you pressed send that you began to panic.
Leaping out of the bed, you gaped at the screen in disbelief, hoping against all odds that it wasn’t real.
“Shit,” You hissed, the panic sobering you up just a bit. “Shit, shit, shit!”
Not only did you officially ruin everything, but you were still drunk and JJ was gonna come back with the group at some point. On nights like these, you usually slept in the guest room with him, since neither of you minded sharing a bed.
Guess that’s out the window, now.
“Fuck!” You threw your phone onto the bed, covering your mouth with your hands.
This can’t be real.
A couple of seconds had barely passed before you were lunging for your phone again. It was like a trainwreck and you couldn’t look away.
You sat there, staring at the phone for what felt like hours, though it couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes.
Every minute that he didn’t respond, you thought of a new reason that your friendship was over forever.
Suddenly, a knock at the door to the guest room startled you out of your thoughts. You stared at it for a few seconds before hauling yourself out of the bed, swinging the door open a little too fast.
JJ stood before you, holding his phone up with an unreadable expression.
“Can we talk?”
Your heart plummeted to the floor, and you barely managed a nod before he was shoving his way into the room, shutting the door behind him a little too harshly for your comfort.
“So,” He took a careful seat at the edge of the bed, looking up at you. “What was that text about?”
You were definitely still too drunk to have this conversation. Your heart was practically beating out of your chest and your knees were a couple of seconds away from buckling completely.
When you didn’t say anything, JJ quickly stood back up, the intensity of his gaze making you forget to breathe for a moment.
“I’m sorry,” You started, breathless.
He stayed silent, awaiting your explanation. Part of you was waiting too, because how the hell were you gonna get out of this one alive?
“I’m just really drunk,” The look in his eyes made you falter, but you forced yourself to press on. “I was gonna just delete it after I typed it out like I usually do, but I pressed the wrong button-”
“Like you usually do?”
Shit.
“Uh, I mean,” You rubbed the back of your neck, firmly avoiding eye contact. “I- uh, forget I said that?”
JJ shook his head almost imperceptibly.
“Listen just please can we forget this ever happened?” The second you looked into his eyes you regretted it. The look he gave you was almost as heartbroken as you felt.
In your drunken state, you continued talking, not letting him get a word in. Part of you thought that if you kept talking forever he would never get the chance to reject you.
“I just, I had a lot to drink – ask Pope, he’ll tell you. I was just really lonely cause I was… well, alone… and you were the first person I thought of, and-”
“Hey-” He tried to interrupt, but you were still going strong.
“It was just stupid drunk rambling. I mean, I could barely stand, JJ-”
“Stop.” The firmness in his voice made you do as he said.
“I didn’t mean it.” You finished quietly, barely able to get the words out.
“Don’t lie to me,” He sighed, dropping his gaze to the floor. You didn’t think it was possible, but you swore your heart broke even more when he refused to look at you.
It wasn’t until he chuckled lightly that you realized he wasn’t upset. He shook his head, still staring at the floor, the grin on his face widening.
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been in love with you?” His words made your heart skip a beat, and you stared up at him in awe.
“What?” You couldn’t help but ask, trying to make sure you didn’t imagine it.
“God,” He threw his head back, rolling his eyes playfully. “Don’t make me say it again.”
A smile made its way onto your face, and you risked a step closer to him. The action alone made JJ’s full attention fall back on you.
You could feel your heart beating fast out of your chest with the way he was looking at you. The glint in his eyes was enough to nearly knock you off your feet, and you couldn’t tear your gaze away from his even if you wanted to.
“Hey,” Lightly, he brought a hand up, resting it on your shoulder. “This is your turn to say something.”
Still, you stayed silent, barely registering the words coming out of his mouth. You were sure you were stuck in a dream and one wrong move would make you wake up to a world where you were alone again.
“Please say something.” He repeated, and you managed to snap yourself out of the daze you were in.
“I didn’t think…” You trailed off, not realizing you’d grabbed his hand, mindlessly fiddling with his fingers.
“Didn’t think what, pretty girl?” He was smirking now, fighting every urge not to just kiss you right there.
You brought your focus back to him, taking silent note of how much closer he’d gotten to you.
“I didn’t think you liked me back.”
Ever so gently, he leaned forward, resting his forehead against yours.
“I don’t remember using the word like, sunshine.” His voice was low, near a whisper, but you heard him loud and clear.
“I guess Kie was right then.” You grinned, your hands moving up to rest at his waist. “I should’ve asked you out much sooner.”
“You really should’ve.” He pulled you impossibly closer. “Would’ve saved so much time.”
“I was just scared.” You pulled back just enough to get a better look at him. “I mean, you’re so… you, and I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship because if I asked you out and you said no it would destroy the whole dynamic we have, and then the group would-”
Before you could finish your sentence, JJ’s lips were on yours.
Instinctively, your hands came up, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. You felt him smile into the kiss before the two of you had to pull away for air.
“God, I can’t believe I can finally kiss you.” He muttered, now cupping your cheek with one hand.
With a light laugh, you buried your neck into his neck, letting yourself fall further into his embrace.
“Me too.”
And in the quiet moment, you forgot about the pogues that were surely piled on the couch down the hall. The only thing you could think of was how JJ’s arms were around you, his thumb gently rubbing up and down at your waist.
