what do you want from me

hi im a minor and i have a lot of shame and other negative feelings tied to my experiences and thoughts about being alterhuman. i made this blog to vent them out (and vent other irl stuff) i don't know whats real anymore i don't know what is happening to me i don't understand why i'm like this

[ironstomach]

i feel so mentally disturbed my everything thats happening in the world it really feels like its not somewhere worth living anymore

[ironstomach]

yall are allowed to humiliate me and bully me and call me delusional for my dumbass fiction kin

[ironstomach]

every friend group has the active suicide risk

[ironstomach]

okay so my plan is that if things arent atleast hopeful by the time i am 21 i am DIPPING 😂✌️

[ironstomach]

and what i hate even more is the intersection of being palestinian and alterhuman.

no we are not human animals. yes i am an animal. no we are not less intelligent and less capable than you. yes i wish i could just give up walking and talking for a simpler form of communication so i dont have to deal with complex abstract concepts like money or time or borders and only have to move my body to get the message across. no we are not savage, barbaric, or quick to resort to violence. yes i do feel animalistic and oftentimes violent. no we are not lesser than humans. yes i do truly see myself that way. i want to move my body like an animal. i want to have claws and a snout.

no, we are human beings just like you who need dignity.

yes. i am a creature.

like. its so fucking embarrassing. i want to express myself and my nonhuman side i want to be more animal. and be seen as an animal. but like but JUST LOOKING AT THE HISTORY OF HOW MY BROTHERS SISTERS AND SIBLINGS HAVE BEEN TREATED LIKE ACTUAL ANIMALS (and by that i mean: tortured and starved, treated like less than human. i do not mean they were treated with kindness and compassion like animals do deserve)

LOOKING AT THE HISTORY OF HOW PALESTINIANS WERE COMPARED TO ANIMALS AND TREATED LESS THAN TO HUMANS AND THE HORRIFIC CRIMES THEY PRECEDED OR CAME AFTER MAKES ME FEEL WRONG. it makes me feel wrong. like i’m proving those racist mfers right because i cant truly deny that i am. that i am not a human. that i like the fucking term human animal because thats how i feel. an animal underneath a human skin.. FUCKKK FUCKF FUCK FUCKF FUCK

[ironstomach]

and to those motherfuckers who care more about taking care of animals than of actual people who suffer from homelessness, poverty, genocide, abuse, etc,,, wtf is wrong with you.

[ironstomach]

my gender is horrid beast that must be slain

[ironstomach]

and what i hate even more is the intersection of being palestinian and alterhuman.

no we are not human animals. yes i am an animal. no we are not less intelligent and less capable than you. yes i wish i could just give up walking and talking for a simpler form of communication so i dont have to deal with complex abstract concepts like money or time or borders and only have to move my body to get the message across. no we are not savage, barbaric, or quick to resort to violence. yes i do feel animalistic and oftentimes violent. no we are not lesser than humans. yes i do truly see myself that way. i want to move my body like an animal. i want to have claws and a snout.

no, we are human beings just like you who need dignity.

yes. i am a creature.

like. its so fucking embarrassing. i want to express myself and my nonhuman side i want to be more animal. and be seen as an animal. but like but JUST LOOKING AT THE HISTORY OF HOW MY BROTHERS SISTERS AND SIBLINGS HAVE BEEN TREATED LIKE ACTUAL ANIMALS (and by that i mean: tortured and starved, treated like less than human. i do not mean they were treated with kindness and compassion like animals do deserve)

LOOKING AT THE HISTORY OF HOW PALESTINIANS WERE COMPARED TO ANIMALS AND TREATED LESS THAN TO HUMANS AND THE HORRIFIC CRIMES THEY PRECEDED OR CAME AFTER MAKES ME FEEL WRONG. it makes me feel wrong. like i’m proving those racist mfers right because i cant truly deny that i am. that i am not a human. that i like the fucking term human animal because thats how i feel. an animal underneath a human skin.. FUCKKK FUCKF FUCK FUCKF FUCK

[ironstomach]

genuinely im not even joking i hate being palestinian. i hate it i hate it who wants to be palestinian today in this day and age. is like constantly being fed a stream of just horrible horrible news it feels like losing something dear to you with every headline. sometimes i cant watch simple video essays about palestine i cant read poems i cant listen to survivor testimonies from palestinians without crying. even when the content isnt graphic i cant stop myself from crying. it always hits too close to home it always does. when hundreds and thousands of my brothers and sisters and siblings are getting tortured, raped by dogs, raped by soldiers, systematically oppressed, mocked and belittled, propagandised against, murdered in cold blood, amputated by gunfire, starved, denied necessities, and then treated like the villains. i hate it i hate it and im going to have to endure this for as long as i live cuz u cant change ur ethnicity or background and im scared i’ll only see it get worse

and im lucky to have another country. im lucky to be able to brush over my palestinian heritage and say i’m just jordanian. despite the fact that all of my grandparents are only residing in jordan just because they were ethnically cleansed from palestine in the nakba and in the sixties. this whole fucking seventy year long campaign of ethnic cleansing is why im jordanian.

but like. to the brothers and sisters who still havent been kicked out yet. they dont have another country. they only have palestine when its getting smaller and smaller and more occupied and the conditions are getting worse and worse. and when they say they’re palestinian, people will immediately attach their subconscious biases (or implicit biases) towards that person. but they have no other background they have no other country. they can’t say they are anything other than palestinian.

please give the palestinian peoples compassion

please give the palestinian people respect

please give the palestinian people dignity

im “sorry” we cant be the perfect victims for your morally purified western standards. im “sorry” that decades of systematic oppression breeds violence and extremism and stops society from progressing. im “sorry” that this leads to horrible acts of violence on our end. im “sorry” that these acts of violence are blown out of proportion while anything done to us is swept under the rug. im “sorry” that we never appear to act out of mental illness or trauma, because apparently living for many years under oppression makes you a well adjusted individual.

im “sorry” we are a uniquely evil, barbaric, and animalistic statistic numbered population that must be subjugated and killed for the safety of humanity.

im sorry for being arab.

[ironstomach]

kinning has genuinely got to be like some sort of corporeal form of punishment for fucking with a piece of media or a animal or character or shit too hard. i think i’m cursed

[ironstomach]

broo i never get satisfied when i eat why do i even bother

[ironstomach]

im so jealous of dogs being able to run on all fours