No Autographs @ironykind - Tumblr Blog

renkkatili-deactivated20160113

> You press your face into his shoulder and wrap your arms around him, taking it all in. You inhale slowly and breathe in the scent that’s completely indescribable other than your brother and you tighten your grip just slightly, stirring some memories. Both good ones and painful ones- memories of how he used to hold you when you were smaller, memories that make you hate how much you’ve grown and hate that he wasn’t there for it. And it brings back memories of you laying in bed alone, clutching his blankets close because they were the closest thing you had to being able to hold him, and the smell of them put you to sleep and then woke you up with a hole in your heart because for a few seconds, you thought he was there, and fuck, you just missed him so much. You’re so fucking glad that he’s back, and that he’s at least letting you in closer than he had before, and he’s not freaking out at you for any of this; your biggest fear since he left is that he’d find out and leave again and you’d be alone again and somewhere deep down you’re still kind of scared of that, but you’re relieved that he’s trying, that he’s staying here for you and giving you a chance.

ironykind

> You close your eyes as you press your face against his hair, sighing quietly as you stroke his shoulders and back. He's warm in your lap, and you can't help enjoying having him close to you like this. You still feel a creeping guilt in your chest, because you really aren't sure how you're supposed to be handling this kind of situation. You know you can't really do things with him, or rather, shouldn't, and you're no longer sure where your limits lay with regard to him. Instead, you decide to just check on him and try to make him as comfortable as possible.

"Hey... Are you okay?"

stridinginink

> Your expression softens and you smile back at him, and your emotions are all over the place right now. You really wish you knew exactly how he feels about you, but you don’t think even he’s completely sure about what he thinks of all this. So you’ll take what you can get and ease into this, (if you can even consider this easing into it, honestly; he’s only been back for a few days). You sit yourself in his lap on the chair, and you’re just kind of… speechless. Usually, you have the perfect thing to say, something witty or sarcastic or anything, but you’re a little vulnerable at the moment.

ironykind

> He's a lot bigger than in the past, and when he settles on your lap, you grunt slightly. You don't really mind at all though, as long as you can have him close by. You heave a sigh and wrap an arm around his shoulders, guiding him down to rest his head against your shoulder. You stroke his hair, trying to be soothing as you nuzzle against him gently. You just hope that he doesn't come to resent you for any of this, and you close your eyes briefly, just holding him close in a way you haven't been able to in a while.

stridinginink

> You have butterflies in your stomach and a nervous flush on your cheeks while you stare at your pesterchum window. You didn’t actually mean to let that much emotion out, but you’re even more surprised at his reaction to it. Finally, you push yourself up from your computer chair, and you peek into his room before walking in. You… really hope this isn’t out of pity, but when you think about it, either way you could use a little comforting. Being honestly and genuinely in love with your brother hasn’t exactly been an easy feeling to cope with, because even if by some miracle things do work out, there are certain things that you’d never be able to do with him that you’d have liked to, and it digs a hole in your heart that sometimes give you your moments like these.

ironykind

> You hear him push open your door and glance up from your phone, leaning back in your chair and swiveling to face him better. The look on his face is kind of pitiful, and you feel another pang of guilt at the current predicament the two of you are facing. You're not sure how you're being so casual about this, but something about it feels right. You want to make it up to him, though you're not sure exactly what you're making up for. You beckon at him once he comes in, offering him a slight smile.

"Hey. C'mere."