We've started sharing our pregnancy news with extended family, and it has reinforced my reluctance to share in the first place. Most of our family doesn't understand why a person would want a large family, and would never choose this for themselves. When my husband and I shared with my husband's grandmother that we were expecting our first, she was unsurprised and said, "Well, you know the very Orthodox." My husband and I have since joked about that, but it's generally been true that our family just expects us to keep having babies because we're Orthodox. Obviously families do tend to be larger in the Orthodox world, but none of our family have actually asked us about our approach and have instead assumed things about us because we're Orthodox.
My husband told my in-laws by himself. I am a glutton for suffering apparently and told him that I wanted to be there when FIL and MIL were told. He said I could either take the out and accept his offer to tell them by himself, or I could choose to be there and be barred from complaining about their reactions afterward. My MIL's reaction to our last pregnancy announcement was, "Oh, I'm so proud of myself for not Googling how long a person should wait to try again after a miscarriage. I was thinking about that!" Those were the first words out of her mouth after we told her. This kind of reaction is, of course, very in line with her MO of making everything about her, so not surprising but still upsetting. Given that history, I decided to go to bed and let my husband tell them, and asked that he text me to let me know when he had officially told them. He did, and said they said they were pleased by the news, and yet the next day, they said nothing to me. No congratulations or other indication or acknowledgement of another grandchild. It has been over a month and they still have not acknowledged it to me. They have said it to other people, but seem to be deliberately avoiding saying anything to me. This again is consistent with their prior behavior, in which they look to be offended and respond tit for tat to what they believe the given offense was. TBH I'm not very interested or invested in further building a relationship with my in-laws, so this is not a crushing blow, but it bothers me in principle.
I told my grandmother and aunt yesterday. My grandmother's reaction was, "Oh, I thought so." Really? You really thought this was a nice thing to say? She herself has four children, and I don't think she would be particularly judgmental if any of my secular cousins had four children, but because we're Orthodox, it's different. Again, not surprising given her hostile attitude to our bringing kosher food for ourselves to family gatherings, as well as hostility toward other elements of our religious lifestyle, but disappointing nevertheless.
Overall, definitely reinforces why I only look forward to telling my parents.
titsay
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
tangentwithtanner
snowghoul
gummygunk
gamechangershow
andulkaphoto