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The Hidden Symptoms of Schizoid Personality Disorder

Below are the internal/covert symptoms of schizoid personality disorder.

Hypersensitivity - Doidge (2001) elucidates the etiological hypothesis of schizoid hypersensitivity and ‘hyperpermeability’ through an exploration of what it means to be ‘thin-skinned.’ Like autistic and bipolar patients, Doidge notes the schizoid often shows “an acute nervous hypersensitivity to stimuli, including smells, sounds, light, temperature, and motion, as though they lacked a filter or stimulus barrier” (Doidge, 2001)

Dissociation - As R.D. Laing (1960) notes, in schizoid patients, the relationship to the body has been significantly disrupted. The body is viewed objectively from a distance as if it were a thing or an object unrelated to the self. In short, the body is felt to be unreal, like an empty shell.

Emotional Detachment - For most schizoid people, the smallest surge of emotion feels like a bomb going off. Fearful that any feeling can quickly become overwhelming, the schizoid denies and isolates all his feelings so that this does not occur. He finds little or no pleasures, satisfaction, or enjoyment in life’s activities and has difficulty allowing himself to experience strong pleasurable emotions such as excitement, joy, and pride.

Ego Splitting/Approach Avoidance Conflicts - The central conflict of the schizoid is between his immense longing for relationship and his deep fear and avoidance of relationships (PDM Task Force, 2006). When in relationships, the schizoid maintains a pattern of oscillating towards and away from intimacy, alternatively desiring, and being excited at the chance for contact, and becoming claustrophobic, smothered, choked, imprisoned and terrified of being devoured or smothered by the other. The schizoid then must break free and recover independence (Guntrip, 1969). The oscillation in and out of relationships is the real world enactment of these conflicts around involvement. The schizoid’s legendary avoidance of relationships reflects his assessment that abandonment of others is a lesser evil than facing engulfment and loss of self, despite his longing for relationships (McWilliams, 2004; Seinfeld, 1991).

Existential Dread - When schizoids distance themselves too much from other people, they can be filled with a sense of dread that they will never be able to reconnect. Symptoms include: the feeling that you are dead while you are alive, a feeling that life is inherently meaningless, there is nothing of interest to look forward to, questioning the whole point of living, feelings of despair and terror, being filled with dread, and preoccupation with death and dying.

Withdrawal - Withdrawal has a huge affect on a schizoid’s life because of its tendency to create alienation and loneliness and paralyze interpersonal relations. It is like the feelings have been suddenly drained from the body, leaving only an empty shell to interact with others. Symptoms include: loss of interest, boredom, apathy, autoeroticism, isolation of affect, disgust, revulsion, aversion, passivity, inertia, abandonment of object relationships, and fantasies of a return to the womb or sleep.

This personality disorder is a lot more complex, distressing, and painful than the DSM and ICD make it out to be.

frankiecorleone

hauntedselves

Judith Herman introduced the concept of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in her book Trauma and Recovery (1992). Here is her diagnostic criteria:

1. A history of subjection to totalitarian control over a prolonged period (months to years).

Examples include hostages, prisoners of war, concentration-camp survivors, and survivors of some religious cults. Examples also include those subjected to totalitarian systems in sexual and domestic life, including survivors of domestic battering, childhood physical or sexual abuse, and organized sexual exploitation.

2. Alterations in affect regulation, including

persistent dysphoria

chronic suicidal preoccupation

self-injury

explosive or extremely inhibited anger (may alternate)

compulsive or extremely inhibited sexuality (may alternate)

3. Alterations in consciousness, including

amnesia or hypermnesia for traumatic events

transient dissociative episodes

depersonalization/derealization

reliving experiences, either in the form of intrusive post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms or in the form of ruminative preoccupation

4. Alterations in self-perception, including

sense of helplessness or paralysis of initiative

shame, guilt, and self-blame

sense of defilement or stigma

sense of complete difference from others (may include sense of specialness, utter aloneness, belief no other person can understand, or nonhuman identity)

5. Alterations in perception of perpetrator, including

preoccupation with relationship with perpetrator (includes preoccupation with revenge)

unrealistic attribution of total power to perpetrator (caution: victim's assessment of power realities may be more realistic than clinician's)

idealization or paradoxical gratitude

sense of special or supernatural relationship

acceptance of belief system or rationalizations of perpetrator

6. Alterations in relations with others, including

isolation and withdrawal

disruption in intimate relationships

repeated search for rescuer (may alternate with isolation and withdrawal)

persistent distrust

repeated failures of self-protection

7. Alterations in systems of meaning

loss of sustaining faith

sense of hopelessness and despair

sch-com

Specific manifestations of schizoid PD in my life

see similar post for anakastic PD / OCPD

When I first heard of my personality disorders, it was hard for me to notice their role in my life. Part of it was that I was younger, and with less experiences, but part of it was that by nature PDs are so ingrained it's hard to see the full scope of their influence. Particularly I struggled to see the "dysfunction" part - I was thinking that sure, I do experience that, but is it really that bad? And you can't have a PD without the dysfunction, so do I even count? I think that now, after some time and more reflections, I can say I do see the dysfunction, so I thought to share my observations.

Using the DSM V criteria for schizoid PD:

1/ Neither wants nor likes close relationships, counting being part of a family / Has no close friends other than immediate relatives

When I was first moving out for university, I didn't really have any close enough friends I would feel truly comfortable moving with. It limited my choices, and influenced the one I ultimately made (a mistake).

Also, when I was moved out and experienced my first full-blown mental health crisis, I didn't have anyone around me to rely on.

Studying in uni is much harder when I am not talking with people in my class. Normally students support each other, share notes etc I imagine. I have to do everything alone.

Talking to people = opportunities. And support. Real, material support of being physically near. Going to places together, someone having a job opprotunity, hell even having anyone around in case of an emergency.

I suspect at least part of my emotional problems can be attributed to my self-imposed isolation. Occassionaly when I do talk to someone, it's like... an altered mental state, in a good way. When I laugh, I feel physically good. And it's easier to laugh with other people around. It's the little things I think, that are crucial and I am largely missing out on.

2/ Almost constantly picks introverted activities

Sharing what you do can help you progress faster. Sharing your art and getting critique, joining language classes. Sure I can do all of this on my own as well, but it may be sub-optimal. I think it's a matter of balance - and if I consistently choose to opt out of group activities, it could be seen as dysfunctional.

Also again, doing stuff with other people = meeting other people = getting the social connection, vital for even physical health, and gaining access to opportunities and support.

Other people can also motivate you, or keep you accountable for doing something. When I do (almost) everything on my own, I have to well, rely on my motivation / determination, which is often hard (more on that in 4/).

3/ Has little if any, thought in engaging in any sexual experiences

Frankly I am asexual, so I wouldn't say it's causing me any distress. I suppose that lack of sexual life can be viewed as lack of a major life activity, if you want to interpret it that way.

However, somewhat connected to 4/, it's hard for me to say 100% that sex life is something I truly don't want, or if it's just another thing I am opting out of out of the lack of reward. More on that below.

4/ Seldom derives pleasure from any activities

The emotional implications are written into the criterium itself. Lack of pleasure is I think dysfunctional already.

But, adding on the above - lack of pleasure/satisfaction definitely made me lose a lot of motivation for doing anything. I have disengaged from hobbies because of it. I have disengaged from studies, from social activities, from even simple things watching movies, reading, or cooking a good meal because of this. I have to force myself to do pretty much anything. There is not a single thing that I do simply because I truly enjoy it - I need another reason on top, like an obligation.

What I mean by the above, is that... I think I have opted out of things because they don't bring me much emotional reward, not the other way around (so it's NOT that I don't get a lot of joy because I don't do things). I remember when I was younger and more active in life, doing something like travelling, or acomplishing something, and emotionally not getting anything out of it. So I wished I was just in bed and not doing the thing, because at least it's less effort, for the same emotional reward (= lack thereof). And as I became an adult with more control over my day-to-day, I stopped many major life activities because I can. And it's all the same.

5/ Appears apathetic to the admiration or disapproval of others

For me it's largely related to 4/, because I don't get much internal reward from external stimuli, it also manifests in how this criterium describes it.

I've had people believe in me in the past. Try to encourage me, praise me, tell me they see a potential. But I... couldn't believe them. I don't feel this, it's all the same if I am awarded something or not. External rewards don't cause internal reaction, so like why bother? Why bother going after this hard thing, winning a competition, if after I acomplished it it's all the same void? I put the effort into something, only for this to not matter. So I stopped putting so much effort.

I think it may also discourage others from trying to help me, because historically I haven't shown much reaction, or improvement, or gratefulness for their honest efforts. To give up on me, because I seem like this empty shell of a person. But I don't really know, I think it would have to be someone else to confirm this.

6/ Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

People told me that I appear flat and so it's hard for them to read me. It's hard to know what I think, and some became afraid that I was judging them, when I... I don't? Overall, this one makes it really hard to connect to others and to be understood. So it makes me feel even more like an alien.

I have also hurt people because of this. Because I detach, I isolate, I forget about people. I am the friend you have to message to get a conversation, or schedule a meetup, because I don't initiate. I know it's a hard position to be in, and I don't want to hurt anyone, so I only disengaged more to not even have any friends that would care about me enough to be hurt by my isolation.

Because I seem all the same (flat and withdrawn) all the time, it's harder to notice when I am struggling. I can be in the throws of depression and actively suicidal, but outward appear pretty much the same. So people don't believe me, not even professionals, and I have been neglected because of this.

yaybadluck

disgusted by my own thoughts as I wish people would die just so I don't have to interact with them any more

cl0se-th3-d00r

I saw a post on here about how schizoid is a “harmless condition” due to our avoidant nature, and oh lord… If you think avoidance can’t be harmful, you are sorely mistaken. In fact, it happens to be one of the things that impacts my quality of life the hardest.

I can’t hold a job. I can’t put forth effort around the house. I live off other people’s work and avoid being around when I suspect I’ll be asked to do something. I discard and abandon people who need my help.

It’s not harmless at all. I hurt people by being absent, coming in to take what I need, and then disappearing again. I kick people out of my life for expecting reasonable things from me. I hurt myself by avoiding healthy activities, proper relationships, putting aside my own problems until things blow up in my face hard enough to bitch slap me into the present moment. I hurt myself when I avoid doing what I need to do to stay safe and to keep my body alive.

Avolition makes it nearly impossible for me to fulfill obligations without feeling strained. My avoidance, it shows up as irresponsibly, negligence, and a parasitic lifestyle in which others are left to deal with everything for me because I refuse to enter reality long enough to do more than a simple phone call or the dishes.

It’s not harmless. It’s selfish and self destructive of me.

Does that mean I don’t deserve support? Of course not! These symptoms are beyond my control, and I know that. I know this is something I need help for. Though, it doesn’t make it any less destructive. We shouldn’t be denying the damage these traits can do. We should be raising awareness and working on managing these symptoms.

madeitthisfar-notgivingupnow

Wish my brain could learn to function normally cause this self destruction is not it.

a-quiet-green-agreement

As for me, I will die no doubt of inertia.

— Margaret Atwood, from “Unearthing Suite,” Bluebeard’s Egg (Anchor Books, 1998)

kosmogrl

audhd-space

Reposting this because I need to materialize it somewhere.

[Updated] : Edited with alt text.

Original link here :

quotemadness

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.”

— Jim Carrey