hypomanic ramblings @isekyaaa - Tumblr Blog

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

#reblog #this is why (in my humble opinion) an anxiety disorder is way more worth killing yourself over than depression #physically speaking anxiety feels like shit #like when i had gad i literally could not eat #one time i went three days on a singular spam musubi and half an apricot #nothing is worse than being physically starving but being unable to stomach anything #and then the constantly feeling like you're having a heart attack #on top of panic attacks?#whereas with depression you just want to sleep all the time #AT LEAST YOU CAN ESCAPE #like i'm saying this as someone who suffered from major depression and now have bipolar type 2 #i'll take depression any day over anxiety #anxiety is such a hassle #and the thing too is that like (imo) anxiety disorders are objectively worse?#like comparing ocd with like bipolar disorder is like comparing a giant to an ant #yes bipolar disorder sucks and you can potentially ruin your life when you're unmedicated #but once you are medicated? you're pretty much fine and normal for the most part #in comparison to ocd where it takes medication and therapy and so much more training and you're still struggling #don't get me wrong i'm not saying that depression isn't hard #there are people that suffer from it that medication cannot help and it's debilitating #all i'm saying is that from someone who has dealt with both i'd prefer shitty thoughts and self worth problems over like.....#physically feeling like shit

I really like romance manga/manhwa that are like upfront with the couple's sex life. Not in the hot and sexy sense (though it is nice). I just like the portrayal of how when you're in love someone, you'll desire them intimately. I think it's really cute and pure.

#rambles #i think i have an extremely pure innocent view of sex #while I completely acknowledge and understand that sex can exist without love i just.....#think having sex with someone you love and desire to be a very precious thing #they call it 'making love' for a reason #i don't mean this in the sense that 'missionary is the only acceptable form of sex'#i just think that when you love someone so much that desiring them comes naturally after to be like.....#that's so pure #you love someone so much that you want to be one with them #you love someone so much that you want to please them #you love someone so much that seeing them naked for the 10000th time still excites you as much as the first #i can't find a word to describe it other than precious and pure

Tbqh, I don't see the point in following a diary blog like mine if you're not going to interact with it. Like it'd be one thing if I reblogged things regularly, but when a good 98% of all posts on here are personal posts, like what am I to you? Your daily newspaper for you to gawk at and judge? Like nah man, I've said this before, but I refuse to be your personal clown.

#rambles #you could say that some people follow me for my story ideas #but the thing is that they show their face for the first day and then go silent after regardless of how many other story ideas i post #and yet their blog remains active #like what's the point? why are you even here?#just leave me alone #recently i've cut my follower count to a mere six and it will go lower than that #even blocked a long time follower #if i am nothing to you let's keep it that way #and for the two people that actually do interact with this blog obv this isn't about you #when i talk about interacting with me i mean like......#at least one like within a month #like honestly my standards are not high LOL

I'm not a materialistic person, but I honestly love having money. I love having money made by me and only for me. I love being able to spend my money on whatever I like. I love not having to justify what I spend my money on to others. Most importantly, I love that it's mine. It's my money and nobody can take it away from me.

#rambles #am i rich? no. absolutely not #but to me money represents my independence #my right to assert my right over myself #it's one of the reasons why the thought of marriage sounds so terrible to me #suddenly 'my' money becomes 'our' money #suddenly i have to think about other people before i make a purchase #my independence is taken from me

isekyaaa

"I wouldn't necessarily say that 'settled' for my husband," says local woman describing daily life married to an amoral murderous alien in disguise as a human for a husband.

#READ PREV TAGS THIS IS SUCH A BANGER IDEA #GOD IM A MASTER CRAFTER #i truly do wonder what he feels for her #like i honestly don't know #he does such a stellar job at being her lover #he doesn't have to #40-50% of marriages end in divorce #and yet he goes over and beyond to make sure his wife's needs are met #my headcanon as to the reason why she's immune to his glamor is that his species of alien has been on planet for a while #so she's part alien #what i like about this idea though is that she knows her husband is possibly an eldritch like alien #she doesn't know what he looks like but from 'making love' she knows he's not human like #and yet despite that all she still loves him #the hopeful part of me says that he's fond of her and would try to leave her with false memories that he died #and that he'd take her with him when she follows him to his spaceship #but idk #the joy is in not knowing

I had a dream last night where me and my family was being haunted by demons, so how some dumb reason we channeled then into our bodies (but still had control) and when into a haunted house where the whole house was basically this huge board game where we were being chased by something that wanted to kill us.

#rambles #the funniest part is i vaguely remember 'clearing' the haunted house once but like......#i ended up missing something and had to do it all over again #didn't do the second time tho bc i woke up to pee #i have the most wild dreams #i need a tag for this #dream journal

Today on fics nobody would want to read. Lohen and his crybaby whiner of a childhood friend.

#fic ideas #currently reading his voicelines and lore like *thinking emoji*#i just want kid!lohen to be sneaking out of his house late at night only to take two steps out of his window to hear #'where are you going? 🥺'#turns out his room faces his childhood friend's room in the neighboring house #and they have excellent hearing #so he tries to tell them to not mind him and go back to sleep and they immediately start BAWLING #and he's just 'fine. come. just stop crying before we're both found out!' or however he would say that #so they hurry up after him in their pajamas and bow (their family is bowmakers too)#and the whole time they're out reader is just 'this is scary. we should go back ;n;' and he ignores them #lohen moves too fast for them so they're always trailing from behind #lohen barely manages to lose them and he gets in a battle. however he doesn't hear a monster behind him and is about to get ambushed?#but before he can react it's literally oneshotted in the face and he looks up to see reader from like.....#30 meters away crying their eyes out bawling with their bow lifted in the air #i want reader to be like.... a scaredy cat crybaby type but when push comes to shove they're like...#just as skilled and well trained as lohen. they prefer long-range but can do just as well close-combat too #the biggest thing tho is whenever they're out in combat or battles they're always crying and afraid LOL #they're also in this weird situationship thingy where they're not really a couple but lohen knows they like him so whenever they're like...#whining too much he kisses them to shut them up #i want reader to be genuinely formidable too. they act like a baby but they can beat your ass while crying their eyes out #but yeah they always accompany lohen on his missions and outings bc they're scared of him getting hurt and he's learned not to argue #i want them to be pretty messed up in the head too #'no lohen. poisoning the arrowheads with nerve damaging poison is too cruel! what if our knights get hurt in the process of using it? ;A;'#'it would be better to use the instant laxative poison instead so they're too ashamed to ever show their face on the battlefield ever again #i want the rest of the 5th company to be more afraid of reader than of lohen #but i think it's fitting to match a freak with a freak

The most irritating thing about my mother telling me how much of a brat and a horrible person I was as a child is the fact that all the aunties that would tattle on me about all of my so called rude and horrible acts as a child literally like...... have children that are in no contact with them. Like you're taking the word of a child abusers to portray how terrible I was as a child.

#rambles #maybe i should post the 'why i'll never ever be attracted to women post'

captain-price-returns

#reblog #this guy would be me if the search function on tumblr was better

handweavers

i'll never understand why people who don't read books want to write books like just plainly it's so confusing it's like if you didn't listen to music at all but wanted to be a musician it doesn't make sense

#rambles #it's because it's fun to create things specifically for you #i used to read a lot but i don't read much anymore.... even fanfiction #and yet writing is fun because i'm creating what i want to read for me #i wouldn't consider myself a music nerd but it's fun to learn how to create music because it's fun to learn and create #granted op i'm assuming you're talking about people that want to make a living off their art or become famous #i don't play many games but i would love to make an rpgmaker game one day for fun

Not what people want to hear, but "accept me as I am" is such an entitled thing to ask of someone. It removes from you the responsibility of improving yourself and working through your flaws. If you want to be accepted, if you want to be loved, you have to work for it. You have to continuously work to be someone deserving of it.

#rambles #acceptance and love is not a constant #it's not something where once you attain it it will continue to be there #and it's not something you automatically deserve just for existing #when i say this i don't mean like you have to completely change your whole being from the ground up #but you do have to change #you have to learn not to be stubborn #you have to learn how to understand others l #you have to learn how to be aware of your flaws #you have to learn where you need to improve #sometimes it means learning when to relent #sometimes it means learning how to apologize #sometimes it even means learning how to stand up and assert yourself #dare i saw it flaws are annoying for other people to deal with #and if your flaws are blinding it's unrealistic for others to want to accept you as you are #i'm not being mean here i'm just being realistic

I'll be honest, man. If you're not doing me a service, I will not pay you tip. If you want more money out of me to pay your workers, raise your prices.

#rambles #i'm saying this as someone who was a waitress #tips are already messed up as is but begging me for a tip at like a coffee shop or a food truck is like no #i am buying your product. that should be enough for you #i don't pay tip to people that work in retail for doing their job and providing me a product #idk i think i'm part of the millennial generation that is too close to gen x to like.....#believe you should always pay tip when it is asked for #while it is true that everyone deserves a livable wage i don't think tip makers realize how good they have it #contrary to popular belief you will always be making AT MINIMUM minimum wage in a tip making job #yes there are states that allow you to be paid less than minimum wage #however this is upon the stipulation that the tips you make will make up the difference #if in the end tips are not able to make up that difference your employers are legally obligated to pay you the rest of that money #you will NEVER (after pay and tip) gross less than minimum wage #the lowest you'll make is minimum wage but majority of the time tip will result in being paid above minimum #what i hate the most is the moral obligation people force upon you to pay tip to non-service workers #'they deserve a livable wage!!!'#all you guys act as if the food industry is the only industry that pays minimum wage #at least you guys will 95% of the time always make more than minimum wage due to tips #in retail you're stuck at minimum wage whether you like it or not #asking for tip when you're not providing a service just sounds so greedy?#what makes you feel you are more deserving of extra money than a retail worker?#yes it does take energy to make a latte or food for a takeout container but like???#but retail can be just as stressful exhausting and difficult #it just rubs me the wrong way

It is really funny that I p much released a future chapter snippet from like one of the planned last chapters of the *********** series and the one person who tells me even today after not updating for two years that they really like the series and want me to finish it didn't see it.

#rambles #granted knowing them they're probably like super busy so i'm not surprised or hurt #not everyone checks this website daily like i do #just if you do so happen to see this i posted it because i thought you'd like it #then again there's also the possibility they don't want to be spoiled

It is interesting that like..... According to Christian belief, Adam and Eve only felt shame regarding their nakedness after committing the first sin. And this means something but I don't know what. If you want to go the literary route, nakedness was a metaphor for guilt. But if you are a Christian, this happened in real life 6,000 years ago and metaphors wouldn't count.

The fact that they existed in nakedness before the first sin means that it wasn't a sin to be naked. God wouldn't let them exist as a perfect being while being naked if it were a state of sin. So why did eating of the fruit of good and evil, and thus sinning, create an awareness of their nakedness? Is nakedness a representation of perfection? A sinless being? And to sin, nakedness is too good for you anymore?

#rambles #why would nakedness suddenly become a shameful thing if you have always existed in that state?#like it's only you and adam (as humans) no other (humans) are watching #the state of 'shame' only exists when you're in the state of being seen #so who were they ashamed to be seen by?#god?#but god had always seen them naked. he created them that way #the angels?#whomst?#another interesting thing to think about is if adam and Eve regretted/repented for what they did #according to christian belief they were beyond being saved bc they committed the first sin while being perfect/sinless #they were perfect and yet sinned #but what is perfection? and what is sin?#how does existing in a sinless state prevent you from committing sin? because you should 'know better?'#don't imperfect people know better as well? is it because they're predisposed to sin?#because their bodies were altered the moment the first sin was made?

cuunos

hey can everyone do me a favor and put in the tags why they chose their name? even if you don't go by a chosen name irl, you can put why you chose your online name.

#reblog #in the past i used to go by japanese words like hijiki and stuff #but i wanted to change around covid time to a hawaiian name #there's a local band that goes by the name ekolu and i've always liked the sound of the word #so i decided to copy them and go with that #it means 3 in hawaiian #easy to pronounce too

greenbloods

art moodboard

#reblog #lmfao

scalpho

ei responding to the death of her sister by attempting to create a state of eternity vs kazuha responding to the death of his friend by going on to live a life of impermanence. trying to make loss impossible (so you never get hurt again) vs trying to make loss so natural that you don't get attached to anything (and never get hurt again). staying in the same place forever vs running away forever

#reblog

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

hypomanic ramblings