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@isnicolestillawake
Jecka buy more fucking cigarettes.
Despite the cold, my hands kept warm Beneath the umbrella, pressed so close the rain barely grazed us. Your breath, warm. Still smelling of the cigarette we shared. The rain still falls the same. But umbrella feels bigger as I shiver my way home.
Bitch wasn't home tonight. I was home all alone, fucking bitch didnt even leave any cigs or anything. Where the fuck is she... JECKAA you bitch, not even telling me. Hope she gets murked... not rlly...
Got in her car completely soaked
like actually dripping everywhere
she just turned the heater on
didn’t say anything
which is really fucking weird because she usually would
like at least one comment...
even if it’s just to complain
and i kept thinking about how her seats were getting wet
like visibly
and like i should probably say something
but then it got weird because i didn’t say anything
and then it got more weird
so now it’s just a whole thing
and i don’t know if she just hasn't noticed yet or is just mad about it silent... (Which is so fucking annoying just spit it out bitch)
but neither feel right rn
Also if it was my car i would’ve kicked me out immediately
She showed up in like 10 minutes
think she was speeding...
it wasn’t raining when i left
like not even cloudy... this is bullshit
U people r like roaches
i smell like work
no wonder some people seem allergic to it...
Sour Straps...
ate candy for dinner again
no regrets
got a job
they made me watch training videos for two hours
i learned nothing
Casper octopus looks like a chew toy or gummy
Watched a documentary about deep sea creatures
why do they all look like that
— n
i should probably get a job
money runs out soon apparently
i keep thinking about it like it’s temporary like everything is
i can’t end up like my brother i’d rather kill myself than turn into that
which is dramatic? I guess but if you had to choose between dying or becoming a loser chud who likes children it feels less of an overreaction. It is a spiral, first you drop
i don’t know what kind of job i’d even get I don't think I even have a resume.
something easy... i hope
maybe I'll get my RSA it gives you even more pay for pretty much the same job. It is a lot of effort though... do I bother?
— n
it’s weird how
you can leave a place and not really miss it but still feel like something is missing
— n
the mattress was worse than the car
didn’t think that was possible tbh
— n
Slept in a car for a week
Would not recommend
Road trip enjoyers are all insane or liars
— n
I might be cooked
i asked her for help.
she came.
we drove an hour to the city. maybe more. the kind of drive where time stretches and snaps and stretches again. no music. just the low, constant hum of the car filling in the spaces where words should’ve gone.
I kept glancing at her, something didn’t sit right. I couldn't figure it out so it probably isn't important.
i kept my eyes on the window.
we ended up at the lookout.
she fell asleep before me.
her head tilted against the glass, her hair shimmered under the moonlight. It's quite pretty. there’s still body glitter on her collarbones. it never really comes off. it always clings to her skin, catches the moonlight, makes her look like the inside of a gemstone cave. Kind hot ngl.
the air tastes stale. like it’s been breathed too many times. the night smells new. like something just opened up and left.
i took some of my mom’s oxy before we left. just enough to blur the edges. it’s not really working. or maybe it is. the rest will be saved for a worse time. I'm not sure how long it'll last.
“From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.” — Franz Kafka
she breathes slow beside me.
i pretend i’m asleep.
— n
