Wow It Me

Noah |he/him| genderqueer

[ovrtmoon-deactivated20210625]

[itmeh]

7/6/2017

First dysphoria w my chest after shower, then anxiety in varying degrees

[itmeh]

superhero dream

I saw wonder woman again today and after I took a nap and dreamed that I was a trans superhero with super strength/other powers tied to if I believed in myself. So if I doubted myself, I would be weaker, if I was confident, I was stronger. And I was pre-t and pre-op but passed. So I had to keep the secret that I was trans from the press because I just got recruited by stark to train with the avengers so I wouldn’t end up killing myself out fighting criminals bc I was going to. I somehow inherited these powers, I had no idea I had them, but now that I know how strong they are, seemingly limitless (tied to my confidence and empowerment I guess?). But when I go to work out in a sports bra and I bring a shirt along but tie it around my waist, it didn’t occur to me that I wouldn’t pass or that it would be a problem (ie been supported before, gym was big, I was a new no name hero so I assumed no one would know me), nope tony stark was there and right as I was getting ready to run he called me over (using my superhero name) and I turned around and he said “WOah wait youre a girl??” and I was like FUCK “no I’m a guy” and cap america comes over and is like “so you’re the new hero! nice to meet you (superhero name)” and tony goes “dude shes a guy why did nobody know this?” and I go “no I’m a GUY, so it’s HE’s a GUY” and tony calls me she a few more times or something- basically he freaks, I end up having a panic attack after tony mentions the paparazzi could’ve seen me working out as they camp out outside the facility, and steve tries to help me and then I go still and deadly calm and I’m done w this bullshit and I walk up to tony and punch him w/o my powers and say basically tell him to call me this name, these pronouns, and that I’m a dude and if he ever intentionally messes up or ruins my cover I’ll level Stark tower. But anyway it’s gotten to a point where I’m exactly (kinda) where I am in my transition, but I pass, and want to go on T. Not to mention I’m menstruating and I hate this. I want a hysterectomy. It’s a Fuck You UP stay on Tylenol all day kinda period too and IM SUFFERING. But yeah my mental health days have been better once I activly started to stop being anxious about if I wanted to transtion or not. The answer is yes but I’m not ready right now. There’s a lot of work to do before November and when I can get T when I’m 18. It’s possible I’ll go on a low dose, but if it cost the same I may go higher idk. This will be for the rest of my life so I guess if I have a late or slow start it’s okay.

[todayiliveformore]

I was having a terrible dysphoria day today. I was having trouble breathing, couldn’t get out of bed, I mean the whole nine yards of dysphoria for me. But then something pretty great happened. I was going through the photos I took for my college graduation announcements, and my old high school graduation photos popped up. It really brought me back to 2011. I remembered going shoe and dress shopping because “I had to”, and being so unhappy that I cried constantly. I remember going to eat afterwards and keeping that purple grad robe on because I was so uncomfortable in my dress. I remember pulling my hair back the second I was done with family pictures. I remember being so incredibly uncomfortable and unhappy. 

I now look at these college grad pictures and I remember it being incredibly hot, but not at all uncomfortable in my clothes (I actually felt amazing in my suit). I remember all the poses coming very natural and smooth. I remember laughing a lot and not once being sad. I remember feeling fantastic and on top of the world. Even though I don’t have any of the friends that I had in high school due to my transition, I have new friends. Better friends. A new life. A new body. And I am better for it. Transitioning is a journey, and I am working on mine. 

[fatimamononoke]

"your energy introduces you before you even speak"

[itmeh]

me in 7th grade: i'm not like other girls!!!

me now: i'm a fucking dude

[brunopixels]

[upandoutcomic]

PLEASE READ:

THIS IS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTANDING THIS COMIC: this is part of a serious autobio series I started months back to document my gender transition. These took place months ago.

August 22nd, 2016. I was just so very Done with Everything.

If you enjoy my work, maybe consider supporting my transition via Patreon? Link on my front page. :)

[chunli-deactivated20170919]

[itmeh]

okay tho deadass got some studio ghibli vibes from this animation and honestly I’m Living

[sarenate]

Todoroki was crying.

[thomeyorker]

[captainamateur-artistt]

I never had nobody touch me like i’m glass, with a moonburnt kiss

(“1965”, Zella Day)

[itmeh]

Wild how getting of is a form of therapy

Bc I just realized that I'm actually quite a soft boy, my aggression & lashing out is because I wasn't accepting myself and I was mad at myself for being a feminine and soft masc man. I felt I had to prove my masculinity by being rude and obnoxious though I was quite funny in doing so. I always knew I was funny but it was at the expense of other people and my own kindness was suffering. I don't mind being not funny if I can be seen as a soft man. My masculinity has always been quiet and in my actions. Why would it need to change/ change now? Thx sudden horniness- my sleepy hormonal brain worked shit out bc of getting off.

[yourthoughtsspace-deactivated20]

I’m Enough // @vicioussuggestion

[itmeh]

What am I running from when I refuse to go to sleep? Staying up late doing nothing enjoyable and for what? I'm in limbo, nothing but sleep to do and I feel like I can't sleep. I'm despicable.

[sidneypagget]

just trans boy things: using old earrings as tie pins

[itmeh]

Thought- 10:56pm

I go from being trans on the weekends to queer at school. I know who I am but the way trans students are treated is just shit and I really would rather not. I’m so closeted at school people who follow my anonymous Facebook know I’m trans masc or gender nonconforming in the least, but the most I get called at school is they/them pronouns sometimes but I didn’t even ask for those so what the fuck. I know I’m going to sleep at night as a guy, and thought “thats all that really matters” it’s kind of depressing. I’m so lost, I just want to be he/him and genderqueer expression. This got me stressedt time to meditate