Magic Hour @itmetheintp - Tumblr Blog

my birthday is not important that's why i don't celebrate it with friends anymore they don't actually want to be there, they're just there because they have to be

hi welcome to this week where I don’t believe in myself anymore

brokenflicker

"I stopped telling people that I was okay. I started reaching out for help. I started opening up, but what I didn't realize was that it didn't matter whether you tell them or not. They will never care enough to be there."

— notes from the mentally ill girl

itmetheintp

more like “notes from a regular person”

oh yeah someone told me they genuinely cared about me but in the past they’ve been all talk and no show so stop lying to me and get off my back until you actually care

#canidie

oh wait no one cares about me whoops sorry i forgot for a hot second

I hate it when a friend is no longer a friend don’t you

#you know that thing #when you like someone as a friend #and then they decide to infiltrate things #and it hurts #things you had to work hard to do #and they just do everything so easily.#so easily #and I feel awful #so awful

you know that feeling when someone you just met decides to jump through hoops that you had to painstakingly crawl through and you’re just like “this isn’t fair”

charlesoberonn

People in their 20s through 40s: I still have nightmares about school sometimes.

School System: This is normal. I see no problem here.

luidilovins

Two years. After graduation I would wake up with a panic attack if I heard loud vehicles like garbage trucks outside my window because I thought I overslept and missed the bus.

My younger sister enters high school and one time my mom asked my sister if she had her homework done. And I thought my mom was talking to me and I blurted out "HOLY SHIT I FORGOT." I was shaking for a good 20 minutes from the adrenaline. I hadn't had homework in three years.

Several years out of high school I get anxious going to the bathroom at my job thinking my manager or supervisor is going to stop me and give me shit for slacking off or not asking permission. I hold it for hours on end. I drink less water.

Four years after graduation I show up to work with a 104 degree fever. I'm pulling a pallet and pass out from exasution. It doesn't last long and I'm still okay.

To this day I hear people giggling and assume they're laughing at me. I assume everyone is going to treat me like a highschooler would. Or worse a teacher. When I'm pulled into an office I assume I'm getting into trouble. I'm terrified of people asssuming I'm stupid or lazy or a flake.

I graduated in 2014.

property-is-theft-deactivated20

Now lets step back and think about how all of this serves the interests of capital. Our formative years are spent making us deathly terrified of lateness, and fulfilling basic human needs at the expense of productivity. It makes us cowardly and submissive in the face of authority. It drives us into work sick and gives a psyche that always pesters us with "why aren't you doing more"?

Schools are like THAT for a reason

itmetheintp

I can’t ask for anything because I know that someone is going to give me a look and that’ll get me for the rest of the week

I'm fine and everything when I'm in my room and then the MINUTE I SET FOOT OUTSIDE IS WHEN MY ENTIRE BODY JUST DECIDES TO SHUT DOWN

fun fact for today was that I thought I had lost weight and then I weigh myself again and I seem to have gained 20 pounds in two days so I have resigned to hate myself once again

my new aesthetic is smiling at an inside joke while sipping a bottle of beer