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kathy I 18+ I she/her I sfw blogÂ
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my first & last love (gojo x reader)
satoru realizes he's in love with you after you suggest he set you up with suguru
tags: fem! reader, Gojo praises you like A LOT! slight miscommunications, childhood friends to lovers, reader gets drunk & satoru helps, he's a lovesick idiot & dramatic, both yours & his pov, gojoâs implied to be taller than reader, slightly suggestive bc itâs gojo, slight angst
word count: 11k
The first time Gojo Satoru learned true, unadulterated jealousy was on a Friday night out in his sports carâthe crickets chirping to the melody of a random song.Â
It was real jealousyânot just simple, petty envy. Not like the envy he felt when someone got to taste the limited edition cupcakes at the bakery before he did or the envy of studying hard and getting a lower score than someone who didnât (which is a lie because Gojo was that very person who was effortlessly good at everything he did).Â
Either way, heâs never felt the bite of jealousy, breaking the flesh as blood drips slowly, lingering as if it could never be washed away from his skin. Never felt it smother his throat with needles and leave him with a metallic taste in his mouth. That is, until today.
It was colder than usual but he still insisted on grabbing some ice-cream from the local convenience store, declaring it was his your reward for putting up with the party Sukuna hostedâthe same party that ended in your dress being soaked in vomit. The atmosphere was perfect for sentiment, for talkingâfor confessing.Â
Youâre humming to the beat of the song, licking your lips clean of the ice cream you just ate. âSatoru,â you murmur his name softly, staring at him through your lashes.Â
âYeah?â His eyes drink in the sight of you: your droopy eyes from sleep, the faded lip tint on your lips, the hoodie he let you borrow thatâs obviously a few sizes too big on you. Thereâs hardly any light coming in but he can still feel your eyes on him, the tension so thick he thinks he might suffocate from it.Â
For a moment, heâs scared, fearful of what you were going to say because he knows this silence. This is the very silence that happens before someone confesses to him, the same suspense that he has to mentally prepare himself for since he knew he was going to break another heart. And heâs terrified that he might have to do it to youâhis friend, his neighbor, someone who heâs known for a very long time.Â
âI need to tell you something,â you start and he winces, shifting uncomfortably on the driverâs seat.Â
âYou do?â He mutters. Youâre nervous. He can tell because heâs known you long enough to understand what youâre feelingâlong enough to know that your eyes are darting from place to place, a habit of yours.
His chest squeezes when you take a deep breath just as he exhales, already making his mind to grant you a swift rejection. He hopes you can forgive him after this.
â--I like Getou and I need your help.â
âListen, Iâm sorry but I just donât see you that wayââ
He blinks, wondering if he heard you right or if he was drunk (he didnât drink at the party because he was your ride home). âWait what?â
It was your turn to blink now. âI like Getou and Iââ
âI heard you the first time,â he cuts you off hastily, clearing his throat to play it cool. He runs a hand through his hair, grazing the side of his undercut. âOkay wow.â
Gojo mentally curses himself for not knowing what else to say other than humming pensively, busying himself by mixing the ice-cream in the tiny container. He still needs time to process, to mentally upload your words to his brain. You like Getou and not him? He pauses, repeating that thought again.Â
You like Getou and not him. Part of him tells himself that this is exactly what he wanted since your friendship wouldnât go to ruin. You managed not to catch feelings for himâmanaged not to fall for him like many others. Yet, heâs confused when another part of him doesnât respond too well once he realizes that this was you he was dealing with.
âThatâs not weird right?â You question, bringing your knees up to your chest and propping your chin atop of them to watch his reactionâreminding him to keep it cool.Â
âNah itâs not weird at all,â he said, not thinking straight when his next words escaped his lips. âSo why Suguru?â And not me? Though, he keeps that last part to himself.Â
âWell isnât it obvious? Heâs tall, handsome, and has a good personality.â
Am I not that? He asks himself, not bothered by how stuck up he may seem. âThatâs not very specific from someone who likes him.â
You huff and he can tell youâre narrowing your eyes at him. âI know you donât wanna hear me yap about the specifics, Satoru.â
âI do.â He says quickly.
You make a noise of surprise, looking interested in his sudden intrigue. âWell okay⌠Suguruâs very caring and attentive. Being around him makes me feel warm inside you know? Iâm not sure when I started liking him but I just know that I just really want to be closer to him. And it doesnât help that heâs just so smart and nice. And his looks are just a bonus.â
âOh,â he utters, not even bothering to curse himself for his lack of response. He tries a weak smile. âYou must really like him.â
Gojo canât help but furrow his brows at the semi-embarrassed expression you wearâas if you were flustered at the mere thought of having a crush. âOh, was I that obvious?â You ask, not even bothering to deny the fact that you were undoubtedly head over heels for his best friend.
Oh god, he thinks he might be sick and he doesnât know why.Â
âAre you going to help me?â Your voice cuts him out of his reverie and heâs cut back into realityâthe reality being the anticipation in your eyes. Did you always look this pretty?Â
Gojo nearly flinches at the thoughts that cross his mind, blaming the unprocessed shock for being the cause of these obscure ideas. He coughs. âHold on. So you donât like me right?â
âWhat? No Iââ your eyes widen in understanding. âOh so thatâs what that was all about. You thought the person I liked was you! How cocky can you be to think everyoneâs in love with you?â
âItâs not cocky if itâs true. Iâm just really lovable yâknow?â
You let out a sarcastic laugh. âThat canât be true since Iâm not everyone.â
I know, he thinks to himself, staying silent as he watches you shuffle in your seat. He didnât just dislike this idea you proposed, he hated it. It wasnât hard to just decline and keep it like thatâlet you figure your feelings on your own.Â
Yet, something about the near-pleading look in your eyes made him reconsider and it filled him with an urge to smooth the wrinkles on your expression. He sighs loudly, rubbing the invisible crease in between his brows. âWell I guess you came to the right person because Iâm an expert at this. 5 star ratings and all that. But what makes you think Iâm going to do this for free?â
âUh the goodness of your heart?â
âCute,â he laughs. âBut no. I want a coffee from the place everyday for a month.â
âWhat?! Are you insane? That means Iâd have to wake up early everyday to get in line!âÂ
He shakes his head, waving his finger around with a disappointed expression. âA small price for love.â
âI donât understand why you even need me for that. You can buy the whole shop yourself, ass,â you whisper the last part behind your palm, making his eyes light up in amusement.
âWhat was that?â
âNothing. Actually you know what? Fine,â you huff. âYouâre right. It is a small price for love. But Iâm not walking back and forth around campus to deliver your coffee.âÂ
âI got that covered,â he grins, already coming up with a plan in his head. He likes this, the banter you two typically enjoyed. It made your duo, a duo. In a normal situation, heâd relax and continue bothering you. Still, the feeling of dread gnaws at his throat and he tries to swallow itâtries to ignore it by pretending to be the same, goofy Gojo youâre used to. And heâs starting to think itâs hard to do that when you look up at him with such genuine gratitude.Â
âSatoru.â
âHm?â
âThank you, I mean it.â
Gojo feels that emotion again, that visceral feeling where he might go sick and vomit all over the car. âYeah.â
He thinks he wouldâve preferred if you confessed to him instead.Â
Gojo wonders if stress (if you can call that) is enough to make someone wake up with a hangover the next day. He didnât drink last night but he thinks he might haveâconsidering the headache that was interrupting his morning.Â
Heâs in the middle of downing a glass of water when his phone buzzes, your name popping up as a notification.Â
(Name): iâm gonna get ur coffee pls comeÂ
Him: come ??? cum
(Name): itâs too early to be doing thisÂ
He sees the bubbles appear before they disappear for a while, only popping up again when heâs in the middle of cracking an egg over the panÂ
(Name): SATORUÂ
(Name): OHMYGOD SATORY SOI SOSÂ
Him: WHATÂ
Him: HELLO???Â
(Name): GETOUS HERE OMG IM GONNAÂ
(Name): HE SAID HI TO MEÂ
(Name): WHAT DO I DO?
Gojo grips his phone a bit tighter, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek. He sighs.
Him: say hi backÂ
Him: and then go PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
(Name): no wtf and i meant what do i after this sillyÂ
(Name): i donât know what to do im literally an npc rn
(Name): jk he just said bye :(
Him: shouldâve done what i told u to do
Another name pops up from the top and his eyes scan the name, his brows raising in curiosity. He huffs at the message, feeling a wave of nausea cross him.
Suguru: Youâre close friends with (Name) right?
Him: yeah whyÂ
Suguru: Nothing
Itâs silent for a few seconds and Gojoâs back to eating his eggs, tempted to pop a Tylenol to ease the growing headache. Contrary to popular belief, he was against the reliance of pain-relieving meds, opting to let his body figure things out on its own. Luckily for him, having food in his stomach was enough to relieve the headache.
His mind wanders back to the night in the car where you told him to help you with your crush on his best friendânot fully coming to terms with the fact that he wished you liked him instead. Since when did he start feeling this way and why did he need another man to make him realize he liked or even loved you? The thought of anyone having you for themselves was like hearing the sound of nails against a chalkboard and he was jealous. He finally admitted it.Â
Gojo Satoru wasnât an idiot when it came to his feelings and heâd be a fool if he kept denying his undeniable irritation that came with your crush for Suguru. He places the unwashed dish atop some other bowls and utensils, reminding himself to get to that later since his priority was not to keep you waiting at the coffee shop.Â
Another buzz and Satoru nearly trips over his feet at the dread he gets from seeing his best friendâs message. Are you kidding me? He thinks to himself as he reads the message again.Â
Suguru: Sheâs cute
Yeah, he thinks he might be sick again.
Musicâs playing in the background to substitute the sound of chatter thatâd usually fill the room if Shoko were here. It wasnât rare for Shoko to not flake on parties and it was even rarer for you to leave your comfort zone and go to oneâespecially the last one hosted by Sukuna; but this one was different. Suguru was the host and youâd be an idiot to miss it.Â
You flinch at the feeling of your mascara poking the inside of your eye, cursing quietly as you take a q-tip to fix the mistake.Â
The buzz of your phone makes you freeze.
Gojo: omw to ur houseÂ
Gojo: ill be there in 10Â
You: wait satoru donât get mad but what do i wearÂ
Gojo: âŚ
Gojo: YOU DIDNT LIKE THINK ABOUT THAT AN HR AGO?
You: I WANNA STAND OUT TO ATTRACT THE LOML OKAY?Â
You: so i need ur opinionÂ
Gojo: dude
Gojo: ok
Gojo: just wear whatever u want itâll be fineÂ
You: yeah but what specifically?
Gojo: not smth that makes you look like a grandmaÂ
Gojo: like that dress u wore to the last partyÂ
Gojo: no offense
You: but i liked that dress :((((Â
You: was it that bad?? I mean i had to throw it out bc of the vomit anyways
Gojo: it made u look like a grandma but in a good wayÂ
You: wow okay thanks
Gojo: you looked niceÂ
Gojo: ANYWAYSÂ Â
Gojo: a pair of jeansÂ
Gojo: and that light blue long sleeve that shows ur shouldersÂ
You: really?Â
Gojo: yeah and iâm leaving my apartment now so hurry upÂ
You like the message, tapping your lips to even out the lip tint before you rush to put on the shirt and jeans. Doing a quick double-take in the mirror, you spin once and prop your hands on your hips, snapping a few selfies to commemorate this day.Â
Youâre not sure how much time passes until you hear excessive honking outside, the sound of your phone buzzing as you see Gojoâs caller id. Itâs enough to make your eyes roll as you grab your bagâleaving the door locked and the lights off.Â
Gojoâs grin is boyish and teasing as his eyes scan you from top to bottom. âOh look at you,â he coos. âYouâre actually wearing what I told you to wear.â
âWell I felt like listening today,â you murmur, feeling a small ripple of embarrassment pass you.Â
âAtta girl.â
âShut up,â you mumble, feeling a grin form when you hear him chuckle. He puts his car into reverse mode, propping his arm on the top of your seat. Up close, you can get a stronger whiff of his cologneâits musk and earthiness slowing your heartbeat, calming you. Your eyes scan his outfit: a black pullover layered atop white t-shirt, paired with a pair of pants that were on the edge of being joggers and trousers.
On anyone else, the outfit wouldnât have done them good like it did with Gojo. To your displeasure and awe, he looked effortlessly classy. And if he noticed your lingering gaze, he didnât mention it.Â
âWhatâs your game plan?â His voice draws you back to reality and you watch as he sets the car back into drive mode.Â
âGame plan?â
âThatâs right,â he glances at you, his shades sliding lower on his nose bridge. âYour plan to seduce the love of your life.â
âIâm not going to seduce him!â You gape, narrowing your eyes at his widening smile. His hand reaches down to turn the volume of the song a bit louder, stopping at the upcoming red light.Â
âIâm just joking with you,â he laughs, his eyebrows furrowing slightly before that smile returns to his face, not quite meeting his eyes like it usually does. He sighs before breaking into a laugh that almost sounds bitter. âIâd pay to see that though.â
At the party, youâd imagine yourself âminglingâ with the crowd and letting looseâbeing the life of the party. Unfortunately for you, your feet are still stuck on the kitchen floor and youâre glued to Gojoâs side. Youâd like to blame it on the vomit incident from Sukunaâs party and youâre fortunate enough to not be known as the âgirl that someone threw up on.âÂ
Either way, you werenât especially fond of the fact that you were keeping Gojo from having fun somewhere else. Like in one of the unoccupied rooms upstairs or in the living room playing some drinking games. Itâs enough to make you feel somewhat guilty and suddenly regretful that you even came to this party.Â
You tap his shoulder in the kitchen, offering him a reassuring smile. âSatoru. You donât have to stay with me. I can manage myself!âÂ
âThatâs what you said last time,â he chuckles, rummaging through Getouâs fridge to search for something sweet, frowning when he sees traditional Japanese snacks that his grandparents would eat. âWhat the hell?â He murmurs to himself.
âI mean it,â you say, taking a few steps back. âYou have some fun. I donât want to bother you too much.â
âYouâre notââ
âSatoru. (Name),â a velvety voice greets, all too familiar. A warmth spreads over you. âYou made it.â
âGetou,â you murmured to yourself, glancing at Gojo who was already staring at you.Â
For a second, you see a subtle tick in his jaw, a sight you blame on the lighting since heâs back to normal the moment he turns to face Getou. He grins that teasing smile of his. âSuguru.â
âYou looking through my fridge again, Satoru?â The brunette huffs, kicking the fridgeâs door shut lightlyâexchanging the grin with his friend. Your heart squeezes as he casts a lingering look at you, his smile polite. âHey (Name). Good seeing you here.â
âHuh?â You perk up. âOh you too?â
You inwardly curse at yourself for how awkward you were, giving Gojo a scathing look as he hides his laughter behind his palm. Luckily for you, Getouâs sweet and he was also good at redirecting topics. âYou want something to drink?âÂ
âOh sure,â you blink, offering a thankful smile. âThank you Getouââ
âSuguru.âÂ
You pause, cocking your head to the side in confusion. âSorry?âÂ
âCall me Suguru,â he hands you a red, plastic cupâhis smile pretty enough to make your breath hitch. âWeâve known each other long enough.â
You feel your heart race as he looks at you expectantly, as if you knew what he wanted you to do next. You fidget, suddenly more bashful at the attention he was giving you. âThank you Suguru.â
âNo problem,â he smiles and you like how he looks satisfied with you. He hands another red cup to Satoru who stood beside you, the sarcastic grin of his returning. You take a tentative sip of the booze, watching curiously as Satoru and Suguru talked amongst themselvesâreconnecting despite seeing each other only a day ago.Â
You observe the two of them, mapping the details of Suguruâs face before your eyes land on Satoruâsuddenly aware of the fact that the boy you spent most of your youth with grew up. Sure, you know that his face attracts attention from everyone but that was a token from childhood. It just didnât hit you that he matured, grew up to be the man most would dream of dating. The realization is to make you wonder if Gojo ever registered the fact that you were growing too.
Slowly, you take another sip of your drink, blinking slowly as the alcohol settles in your system. Gojoâs the first to notice when you stumble, how your skin seems to heat up. âHey hey,â he holds you by the shoulders, his voice soft. And if you paid closer attention, you wouldâve seen the way Getouâs brows raised at how gentle his friend was acting towards you. âYou okay?âÂ
Amidst your drunken state, you realize that Gojo didnât bother drinking any of the liquor in his cup during his conversation with Suguru. And Suguru. Sweet Suguru who puts the pieces together and confirms that youâre a lightweight, the guilt evident in his expression. âOh shit. I forgot how strong this liquor is.âÂ
âIâm okay,â you mumble and step forward, ready to excuse yourself to the restroom. Gojo looks like heâs about to say something until a group of unfamiliar faces barge into the kitchen, their faces bright as they greet Getou and Gojo with intentions to keep them occupied. Among the chatter and crowd, you find it easy to slip awayârushing to find a restroom.Â
The first one you went in was already used by a couple that you remembered mumbling apologies to. The others were either locked or used. At some point, your gut told you to go upstairs and you staggered into an unoccupied bathroom where you splashed cold water on your faceâsighing at how nice it felt against your skin.
The musicâs only a fraction of its noise from up here and youâre surprised that thereâs not much of a group upstairs. Thereâs a funny feeling in your stomach as you crouch slightly, mentally cursing yourself for downing the whole cup so quickly, ruining your chances to talk with Suguruâcoherently at least. Part of you wants to sulk over your spoiled opportunities but another part of you just wants to crash on the tiled floor and sleepârest your eyes for a bit.Â
Youâre thankful your mind was still conscious enough to rationalize the unsanitary conditions of the bathroom floor, opting to curl up in one of the hallways insteadâshivering at the feeling of cold marble beneath you. Your eyes droop, a yawn escaping you. And youâre almost certain you wouldâve fallen asleep if not for the gentle shaking of your shoulders.Â
âStop,â you whine softly, your vision blurry as you catch a glimpse of hair the color of snow and a pair of worried filled blue eyes. Your protests turn quickly to bemusement. âSatoru? What are you doing here?â
You think he smiles as he kneels down on one knee to be eye level with you. âHow about I get you off the ground first?âÂ
âI donât wanna. Let me sleep here,â you shake your head, ignoring how your body felt warm at how softly he treated you.Â
âCâmon,â he chuckles. âThe groundâs dirty. Let's get you to a bed at least.â
In your drunken state, your mind still decides it favors a soft comforter over cold marble and you see his eyes soften when you go limp in his armsâletting him lift you from the ground. âGood girl.â
Your mind goes fuzzy at the sound of that and youâre not sure if itâs the alcohol or something else that makes your temperature rise. In that simple moment, you let his arms wrap around you, cradling you to his chest as he makes his way downstairs. All your thoughts stop as your eyes close, drowning the sound of the party out as you permit sleep to take over. His hands give your thighs an occasional squeeze, the gesture oddly intimate yet you donât bother questioning it or objecting to it.Â
Even with the veil of sleep dropping on your form, you still recognize Suguruâs voice as he tells Satoru to take care of you, his tone apologeticâhaving been the one to give you the liquor. They talk for a bit and once more, you feel the bounce of each step as he carries you out the house.
Youâre barely awake when Gojo puts you in the passenger seat and you feel disappointment wash over you when he stops holding you. Youâre not sure when you grabbed onto the sleeve of his shirt, your eyes half-lidded as you peered up at him. âDonât go.â
A noise of protest escapes your lips when he removes your cold hand from his shirt gently, rather taking it in between his warmer ones. âI wonât.â
âSatoru.â
âHm?â
âI like when you compliment me.â
âOh yeah?â He says, laughing a bit. âItâs hard not to.â
The music and cheers in Suguruâs house are still audible even in Gojoâs car, your vision getting darker and darker with each blink. Still, you can still feel Gojoâs hand gripping yoursâhis thumb rubbing circles on the skin as you invite sleep back in, taking deep breaths as you breathe in his cologne.Â
And as sleep came to life, you allowed the dreams to live as well.Â
Was there such a thing as a relationship between dreams and memories? In moments of delirium, you canât single out whatâs real and whatâs notâwas it a dream or did it actually happen?
But now that days have passed and youâve given yourself more time, youâre certain that Gojo was the one who carried you out of the house and spent his night caring for you. So you ruled out the possibility that the night was a dream, rather a memory that made you feel soft insideâgrateful yet unsure. And if you wanted to ponder harder, you wouldâve done so if not for the hell you were experiencing this week.Â
Forgetting the content during a quiz. Getting yelled at by your boss. Having stepped in bird shit. Waking up late nearly every day because youâd forget to put your alarm on.Â
If that wasnât enough, you got in an argument with your parents over the phone. It was about something stupid and you were so frustrated that you ended up walking to some 7/11âbuying yourself an ice-cream to cheer yourself up. The argument was so dumb and you werenât even sure what you guys were even arguing about. All you knew that you should probably call them later to talk it out; you also knew that this week couldnât get any worse.
What was Satoru doing right now? You think to yourself, pulling out your phone to check your messagesâfrowning when you saw none from him. Your eyes land on a message from Suguru, seeing the link he sent you to some video he found funny or intriguing. After the party, you were shocked to see an unknown number texting you, claiming it was Suguru and that Satoru gave your number to him. The day that happened, you texted him using exclamation marks and thanked himâsmiling at your phone as you two exchanged witty messages with one another.Â
You sighed, unlocking your phone and clicking Satoruâs contact and phoning him. You almost hang up after several rings but you hear his voice after the nth ring. âHello?â
âSatoru?â You say, your voice cracking the second your lips part to speak. You werenât expecting to cry and neither did Satoruâthough you can hear the concern laced in his voice as he questions your whereabouts.Â
âWhere are you sweetheart?â You hear rustling in the background amidst his voice and your sniffles. âIâll pick you up. Your locationâs shared with me right?â
âMhm,â you wipe your eyes, fidgeting with the hem of your hoodie.Â
âOkay just stay there and donât go anywhere. Iâll be there in a few. Donât cry (Name).â
You think you might cry harder with how sweet his voice was.Â
Satoru thinks he might be the only one who notices the rift between you and him. And heâs not sure if heâs the one causing it or if itâs you. But after that night with you (in his car again), heâs been thinking about how soft you were in his arms; how he liked the way your head drooped against his chest. Or maybe he likes you but heâs not going to think about that unless he wants another headache.Â
Regardless, he finds himself looking at his phone sporadically, subconsciously eager to see your name pop up unexpectedlyâeager for things to go back to normal. Even though you two still speak, heâs almost sure that heâs not imagining the awkward tension in the air.Â
Was he too intrusive when he carried you out to his car? Were you mad at him because he didnât leave Suguru and you alone in the kitchen? It was a selfish thing to do, he admits. His original idea was to leave you alone with Suguru so youâd get to chat with himâget to know him like you intended to do at the party; but seeing Suguru give you that sly smile of his was enough to make Gojo ditch his plans of playing Cupid.Â
If Gojo was a good man, heâd feel happy that you were getting what you wanted since he knew you werenât the only one interested. Like with the message Suguru sent to Satoru and how he eyed you at the party; how he called Satoru over for a bit and told him that he understood why people liked you or found you attractive; how he commented on how the shirt you wore suited you.Â
No shit, I picked it, he thought to himself as he recalled that night. Satoru always knew you were beautiful and he hated that everyone else knew too. You werenât even his yet but he didnât want to share youâto let anyone else hold you or have you. Seeing you blush and smile shyly at his best friend made him want to pukeâmade him want to claw his eyes out. That should be him and god he wishes it was.
He was selfish yet he never promised to be good. Yet, this was for you. He wanted you to be happy, is what he told himself whenever he saw you and Suguru talking.Â
His phone buzzes and itâs almost embarrassing how quickly he snatches it, the anticipation in his eyes fading when he sees that itâs Suguru messaging him about the party today. Satoru sighs, rubbing the spot between his brows as he leans on the kitchen counter, suddenly reminded that he planned a party at his place today. It was an impulsive decision to forget about the tension between you two and Satoruâs kinda wishing he took the time to talk it out with you rather than planning something else.Â
He invited a good amount of people and was going to invite you as well to give him a reason to call you. But lucky for him, you made things easier for him by calling him. Satoru thinks itâs not healthy for his blood temperature to rise just at the sight of your name on his phone and heâs already grinning when he picks up. âHello?â
âSatoru?âÂ
Oh. He pauses, his brows furrowing at how your voice cracked as you tried to hide your sniffles. His first thought was to wonder who made you sad and he thinks itâs scary how hearing you cry was enough to send his emotions in a frenzy. But you needed him and he didnât want you to be alone. âWhere are you sweetheart?â He asks, the nickname flowing off his tongue before he can stop. âIâll pick you up. Your locationâs shared with me right?â
âMhm,â You mumbled back and his heart nearly snapped in two with how dejected you sounded. He frowns, grabbing his jacket and his keysârushing to slip on his sneakers.Â
âOkay just stay there and donât go anywhere. Iâll be there in a few. Donât cry (Name).â
You make a sound of understanding and he hangs up, his finger tapping to click on Suguruâs contact. Satoru hears other familiar voices in the background but he doesnât pay much attention to it.Â
âWhatâs up Satoruâ?â
âPartyâs off.â
âWhat? Wait what are youââ
âSorry something came up. Iâll tell you later,â he says, hanging up before his friend can say anything else. He knows he should feel bad for flaking out last minute but his list of priorities had you at the top of it. And he really didnât care if anyone else would understand.Â
Youâre regretting the choice of shorts in the chilly night air and the ice-cream you ate wasnât helping you shiver any less.Â
The way Satoru sounded made that warm, fuzzy feeling settle in your stomach again. He sounded like he would drop whatever he was doing just to get to you and it made you feel special. You think back to the sound of âsweetheartâ from his lips, shaking your head when you feel your blood get warm.
â(Name)?â Satoruâs voice startles you from your thoughts and you think the sound of it could erase all your troubles. âYou alright?â He asks, shrugging the jacket off his shoulders and draping them over your legs, kneeling down to see your face.
You only nod. âI want to go home.â
âYeah I can take you backââ
âNo,â you shake your head. âBack to your place.â
For a moment, youâve stunned him but that surprise left as fast as it arrived. He sighs, tapping your knee with his finger. âUsually dinner comes firstââ
âNot like that you idiot,â you kick him lightly, a grin forming on your lips. âYour methods of comforting are weird.â
âYeah?â He laughs, the sound blending with the wind. âWell maybe Iâm not trying to comfort you,â he eyes you with a teasing glint in his eyes and flashes a lopsided grin. He looked almost sweet as he did sly, the blend making your heart pick up in pace.Â
You squirm, mustering a tone of nonchalance. âI changed my mind. Iâm going back to my place.â
This time he chuckles, his eyes narrowing in amusement. âNuh uh. Itâs my job to wipe that frown off your face,â he says, the corny phrase making you roll your eyes. âCâmon, Iâll be good to you.â
You pretend to think, ignoring the attentive expression he wore. âFine. I guess Iâll let you take me home.â
âThatâs my girl,â he grinned, standing up to his full height. You beam at him, matching his steps as you two reach his door. By the time the two of you were settled at his place, you already spoke to your parents in privateâclearing up the misunderstandings like Satoru reminded you to do. You were glad you had him and even more glad that things were falling back to place.Â
Your eyes scan your surroundings, noticing how he mustâve tidied things up. âDid you clean your place?â
âHm?â He grabs two mugs from the cabinet. âOh yeah. I was going to have a party here.â
âToday?â
âThatâs right,â he drawls, glancing at you from the corner of his eyes. âI was going to call you to see if you wanted to go.â
âReally?â That was a shock to you. âAre you still gonna have one today?â
âNah. Canceled it last minute.â
You pause, raising your brows as you try not to jump to conclusions. âWhyâd you cancel it?â
âHad better things to do. I'd rather hang out with you anyways,â he says casually, smiling when he finds the packets of hot cocoa. âFound it!â
Did he cancel the party for me? You think to yourself, a bit surprised that you came to that conclusion; but if you were right and he did, you wouldnât know what to feel other than appreciation and maybe something else. Whether that was true or not, you know that you should be feeling guilt and not giddiness from having him prioritize you. Was it normal to feel this way for Satoru? Youâre about to let your thoughts fill your head but you feel your breath hitch at how he seems to lean closer to you.Â
His hands move you by the hips, the touch barely lasting five seconds. âSorry I gotta get the spoons,â he murmurs, paying no mind to how you hold your breath. Your eyes fall to his biceps, swallowing a gasp as you see how the black material of his shirt moved with every movement he makes. There was no way he was human when he looked like that.
Oh my god, you think to yourself, suddenly mortified at the fact that you were checking him out. What was wrong with you right now? You always knew Gojo was attractive but you didnât think he was this attractive. And if he had any idea of your internal conflict he didnât pay it any mind.Â
âCan you go get the movie ready for me?â
âUh huh,â you nod immediately, quickening your pace as you try to distract yourself. By the time he sits next to you, the blankets and snacks are already placed neatly on the living room table. You smile and mutter a thank you when he hands you the mug of hot cocoa.Â
âFeel better?â He asks, propping an arm on the head of the couch once youâre halfway through the movie: a random romcom you picked to cheer you up. Even as someone who claims heâd rather watch a movie with more action, you think the drama that comes with romcoms intrigues himâmuch more than heâd like to admit.Â
You take a sip of your drink, your eyes flitting to him. âMuch better.â
âI bet,â he murmurs, his eyes glancing at the way your knees touched. The scene panels to a teary confession the female lead does, the music dramatic with strings in the background. You watch intently, observing the expressions both characters make on screen.
âYâknow, I never understood how they can always come up with a speech like that on the spot,â Satoru comments, plopping a few gummy bears in his mouth. âIsnât that unrealistic?â
âItâs a movie,â you point out, watching as the male lead hung onto every word the female lead had to say. âItâs not supposed to be realistic.â
âI guess youâre right. But that stuff apparently happens in real life right?â
âWouldnât you know? You have people confessing to you all the time.â
âI donât give them much time to continue speaking,â he shrugs.Â
You donât like how uneasy you feel after he says that. âWell, maybe itâs love that makes this kind of stuff happen.â
This earns you an amused snicker. âOf course youâd say that. You gonna do that with Suguru? Confess to him from the bottom of your heart?â
You roll your eyes. âTo do that, Iâd have to be in love with him.â
âAre you?â
âNo,â you give him an incredulous look. âI hardly know the guy. I just really like him.â
He makes a sound of understanding but you feel as if youâre deluding yourself when you see the look of relief cross his face. You turn to him, the movie forgotten all of a sudden. âWould you do that?â
âWhat? Confess to Suguru with the bottom of my heart?âÂ
âYeah sure. Thatâs what I meant.â you huff, seeing his teasing grin form. You sigh. âNo likeâŚconfess to someone you love.â
Heâs quiet, the faraway look in his eyes confirming that heâs deep in thought. Youâre not sure why a pang of irritation hits you when you realize that there might be someone Satoruâs in love with. And youâre not sure if itâs because heâs not telling you or because you want to be that someone. You go with the former because youâre supposed to like Suguru.Â
His eyes wander to meet yours and the tick in his jaw makes you nervousâmakes your palms sweaty because heâs never looked at you like that. Youâre not even sure words could describe what emotion he had on his face. He smilesânot the smile thatâs crooked and boyish. Itâs the smile thatâs sharp and makes his eyes narrow. âI might.â
âYou might?â You ask, hating how breathless your voice sounded to your earsâsomething that he notices with the way amusement practically glimmers in his eyes. You swallow a gasp when his gaze falls to your lips, quickly flying back to your eyes.Â
âMaybe,â he whispers and you canât help but wet your lips, feeling faint when the bright blue of his eyes darkens to black. You donât flinch when his head tilts, his arm coming to the side to trap you between the couch. His cologne overwhelms you, makes you drunk on him. Heâs so close that you can feel his breath hit your face.Â
âSatoruââÂ
The sound of your phone buzzing crushes the tension quickly and you let him lean backâlooking as if he had more to say. You feel a smidge of disappointment as you grab your phone. âItâs Suguru,â you say and youâre not sure why your inner voice begs Satoru to tell you to ignore the phone callâto act like he cares more.Â
âShouldnât you answer it?â He questions and you hate that sinking feeling in your stomach when he doesnât even spare a glance at youâas if acting like he wasnât about to kiss you seconds ago. You can only frown, nodding as you watch him stand upâstill not offering you one single look. âIâll clean up.â
As you glance at your phone, at the name of Suguru appearing on your screen, you hope for the slightest bit of joyâthat lovesick feeling you get whenever youâd see him. Yet, it felt wrong. This felt wrong. And apparently, Suguru could tell from your voice that there was something bugging you.Â
âIs everything alright? You donât sound too good.â
Your eyes linger on Satoruâs figure moving to the kitchen. You think Suguru mentions something about a date but you donât pay much attention, not feeling all that bad as you drown out his voice. âYeah. Iâm fine. What were you saying?â
âI was asking if you wanted to go to dinner with me tomorrow. Iâll pick you up at 7 and we canââ
âSure,â you say, trying to ignore the way your body lurches at your responseâas if it didnât want this. âSure. Iâll see you at 7.â
You donât catch what he says when he hangs up, only thinking of how Satoru looked at you when he was leaning closer. The thought doesnât horrify you as much as it should but you think that if he had kissed you, you probably wouldâve kissed him back.Â
If someone told you a month ago that you were going on a date with Suguru, you wouldâve cried tears of joy and celebrated. But now, youâre almost undeniably feeling a wave of indifference hit you and it feels awful. Suguruâs perfectâhis sharp features and his charming smile thatâd send anyone into a frenzied mess. Or maybe most tend to fixate on how suave he is with his wordsâmixing the subtlest of flirtations with simple compliments.
Heâs everything you couldâve asked for. Yet, you find yourself missing the ruthless beauty you saw in Satoruâthe striking blue of his eyes and the rare color of his hair. You find yourself missing the rasp of his voice, how itâd soften that night when he comforted you; you find yourself missing his warm and strong embrace as he took care of you in your inebriated state; you find yourself missing how close he was that night on his couch and how he looked at you.Â
At some point, you found yourself replaying that scene over and over again. The first few times, you were giddy with hormones as you imagined him leaning closer and kissing you. After a while, you wanted the image gone because it didnât happen. He pulled away. He let you pick up the call from Suguru. He acted like nothing happened when in reality, a lot did happen. You two were finally breaching the line of friends and he knew that.Â
So why? That question plagued your mind for days after and every time you think you forgot about it, the memory of him would remind you all over again. And when he only congratulated you when you told him about your date with Suguru you felt betrayed. Why donât you care? You almost blurted out but technically he did care. After all, he was the one who was trying to set you guys up so why did you suddenly want to change your mind?
You think you might hate him a little for being so good at acting like everythingâs normal and you think you might hate more for making your heart beat so fast. Things werenât supposed to end up like this. You werenât supposed to imagine your best friend kissing you breathless or taking you on a date.Â
Everythingâs going to fall into place, you tell yourself. Youâve already dolled up and were in the middle of spraying your perfume when Getou messaged you that he was already here. Heâs relaxed in the car as you enter the car. This scene feels the same, you think to yourself, recalling the way Gojo greeted you the last time he picked you up.
âYouâre wearing the shirt you wore to the party,â Getou points out and you look down at your shirt, gaping at the revelation that youâre wearing the same top Gojo told you to wear. Even with the company of another man, your subconscious still wishes he was here.Â
âI didnât even notice,â you mumble, smiling at the brown-haired male as he drives. The small talk is all natural as you two make your way to the restaurant and youâre grateful that Suguruâs such an easy person to talk with. Heâs nice. Really nice and you feel almost guilty for not being as enthusiastic as you wanted to be.Â
Itâs only when youâre midway through the meal that he mentions it. âYouâre not here.â
âWhat?â
âHere,â he shrugs, glancing at you with an empty smile. âYouâre thinking about something else arenât you?â
âIâm notââ
âDonât worry Iâm not mad,â he says and you know heâs telling the truth. âIâm curious. What are you thinking about?â
This makes you squirm in discomfort, a bit uneasy at how perfectly he read you. Satoruâs always made comments about Getouâs intuitive feeling for emotions and youâre starting to think he wasnât exaggerating. âWhat if I donât wanna tell you?â You joke.
âThen youâd leave me to assume,â he answers easily, the corner of his lips curling upwards. âIâm not an idiot (Name). I know when a ladyâs thinking about someone else in my presence.â
When you try to protest, he only smiles. âIs it Satoru?â
Your silence is enough said. You want to deny himâwant to shake your head and utter a firm âno.â But something about the question makes you lose your sense of thought and Suguru understands that too. âAre you in love with him?â
This catches your attention. âNo. I like you not him.â
âArenât we well past the point of lying now?â He gives a good-natured chuckle. âIf you liked me then you wouldnât have looked at your phone so many times as if you were expecting a call.â
You widen your eyes. âIâm sorry I didnât mean toââ
âNah Iâm really not mad,â he sighs. âBut Iâm interested in why you didnât decline my offer for a date.â
Youâre silent for a while, musing over his words. âWhen you called me, Satoru and I were about to kiss. Or wellâat least I think we were about to kiss.
âSo whyâd you pick it up? I know Satoru enough to know that a call from me isnât enough to make him stop with whatever heâs doing,â he raises a brow and you catch a roll of his eyes as he remembers something.Â
âItâs because he was the one who was setting us up together.â
Suguru makes a sound of confusion, nodding at you to continue. You take a big breath. âI asked Satoru to help me get with you.â
Getou makes a âoâ with his mouth, nodding in consideration as he processes your words. His pity makes you feel small and youâre finally experiencing the impact tenfold. âOh (Name).â
âYeah,â you shrug. âSo now Iâm pretty sure I messed up the friendship because I was stupid and heâs never gonna like me backââ
âThatâs not true,â he stops you, taking a sip from his wine. âSatoruâs different around you.â
âWell thatâs because Iâve known him for a while now.â
âMaybe. But he doesnât go out of his way to help people like he does with you. Even an idiot could notice that.â
âThat doesnât mean he likes me backââ
âYou donât know that yet,â he retorts, that smile of his returning again. âJust like I didnât know you were in love with my best friend the entire time.â
You wince, swallowing as you peer up at him. You know he didnât intend for the comment to burn but a small part of you thinks he did it on purpose. The sight of you sulking brings a wider grin to play on his face. âRelax. Iâm only playing with you,â he pauses. âIâm a bit jealous that Satoru's got such a cute girl in love with him though.âÂ
His teasing makes you laugh. âWhat if he doesnât love her back?â
âThen heâd be an idiot,â he says, giving you a look as he asks for the bill. âIf he breaks your heart you know who to go to. Iâd be happy to have you for myself.â
You roll your eyes, smiling softly when he coyly smiles. Suguru was kind enough to offer to drop you off at your place but you told him you wanted to see Satoruâbringing a surprised look on the brown-haired maleâs face. Youâre not sure how apparent it was, but you reeked of anxiety and Suguru was quick to point it out.
âIâll wait for you,â he says nonchalantly, shooing you with his hand once you stare at him in bewilderment. âGo. Just do me a favor and message me when you guys are gonna get uh intimate.â
âWeâre notââ you click your tongue at his grin. You thank him, rushing to Satoruâs flatâthe sound of your heels clicking against the floor.Â
If you were in a movie, there would be dramatic music playing in the backgroundâperhaps orchestra or a sappy love song. The scene was so cliche but youâre understanding why the protagonists always ran: it was love. You were in love with Gojo Satoru.Â
You ring his doorbell, fixing your hair as you ready yourself to see himâmentally preparing the script of your confession. Please be home, please be home, pleaseâ
The door opens and a plethora of blue looks back at you, the surprise evident in them. You visibly brighten, smiling as you see him. âSatoru Iââ
âSatoru?â another voice says from behind himâthe voice evidently female. You freeze, feeling as if this image was in slow motion as you see a glimpse of a girl behind Satoru. Your eyes flit to both of them, the speech you prepared in your head drying up like a sore. âWhoâs this?â
You hate that you can only watch. âItâs just a friend. Why donât you go back inside for a bit, yeah?â
Sheâs so pretty, it hurts. There wasnât a speck of imperfection on her and the need to curl up in a ball never felt stronger. The girl nods at Satoru, glancing at you in curiosity as she leaves you two alone.Â
You think you might hate a little bit for looking at you in concern. âIs there something wrong? Are you okay? If somethingââ
âNo. Nothingâs wrong Iâm justââ you say, wishing your voice was louder at this moment. You avoid his eyes, fearing that youâd end up crying in front of him if you continued to stare at him. âI need to go.âÂ
âWhat? But you just got hereââ
âI donât know why I came here. This was a mistake and Iââ you sigh shakily, turning on your heel to leave.Â
Satoru grabs you by the wrist, his gaze soft as he shakes his head when he sees you try to pry his hand off of you. âJust tell me what I can doââ
âSuguruâs waiting for me,â you say quickly, ignoring the way his face drops. âHeâs outside right now.âÂ
You hold your breath the moment his hand slowly slips off your wrist, taking a few steps back as you make your way outside. Not once do you turn back as you try your best to hold the tears inâultimately failing as they fall as quickly as they appear.Â
By the time you reach Suguruâs car, your make-up is already ruined. At first, he snaps his head back at you with a smile, the curve of lips quickly disappearing as he sees your lip trembling. âNo?â
âNo,â you confirm, sitting back into the car and wiping your tears with a tissue he hands you. Thereâs no words spoken between you two as he starts the car, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. Ironically, you listen to the soundtrack of âThe Other Womanâ playing in his car and heâs quick to change the song. He clears his throat.
âI didnât think he was that stupid,â he says after some time, signaling right as he reaches the stop light.Â
âHe wasnât,â you murmur. âI was the stupid one for thinking that we could be more than friends.â
After the ordeal a couple nights ago, youâre not even ashamed that youâre blatantly avoiding Gojo like the plague. You even turned off your read receipts for him which you wouldâve found so petty if you didnât feel so frantic at the sound of his name. Originally, you thought heâd put up more of a fight and be more persistent in getting your attentionâonly you were proven wrong when you didnât see any of his attempts increasing.Â
Disappointed, you were caught in a dilemma. You wanted this distance but craved his presence. At some point, your thoughts ran dry and you were in a slump. Were you always this bad at making up your mind? Â
No. You werenât. You didnât think excessively hard when you decided you liked Getou and when you stopped liking him. Nor did you think super hard about your other crushes. Gojo made your brain hurt and if this was love, youâre not sure you really liked it; but it felt so nice to think about how it would feel to be loved by himâto have him kiss you.Â
Which is why you thought it was a great idea to avoid him because surely time makes the feelings fade. And you hope they fade fastâespecially after you saw him with that girl. You bite back your jealousy at the thought of what they did together. Today was supposed to be a mental health day. It was if fate allowed you to have little to nothing to do and you were going to take advantage of it.Â
The coffee house was ambient with the occasional loud laughter from groups of friends. You were halfway through your book, taking a sip from your drink as you flipped the pages. This was what you were meant for: reading novels in a cafe, keeping a low profile, and protecting your peace.Â
Youâre about midway through the big plot twist until you hear the sound of a chair scraping and your heart freezes in your chest when you see Gojo stare back at you. Only this time, he looks serious and even annoyed.Â
âI knew Iâd find you here,â he begins, tapping his finger nails on the wooden table. You donât miss the way a few people take a few double-takes when they walk past him. So much for keeping a low profile.Â
âGojo,â you acknowledge him awkwardly, fidgeting with the pages of your book.
Your stomach does a flip when his jaw twitches and his eyes cross your face. He sighs, leaning back and adjusting his seating position. âAre you mad at me?â
âWhy would I be mad at you?â
âYou literally just called me Gojo,â he said and if you were more rational, you wouldâve laughed at how childish he sounded over you not using his first name.Â
âA lot of people call you Gojo,â you point out, still not meeting his eyes.Â
âYouâre not just âa lot of people.â And you always call me Satoru,â he murmurs.Â
You tense up. There he goes again: treating you like youâre special. It makes you confused and makes your heartbeat skip. You clear your throat. âIâm not mad at you.â
âThen why are you avoiding me?â He says, a bit loudly at that. It was unlike Gojo to attract attention to personal matters in public and the guilt hits you. You were so caught up in your own feelings that you completely ignored how he wouldâve felt. Even if he only thought of you as a friend, anyone wouldâve felt mad if put in the situation you put Gojo in.Â
You glance at the curious gazes in the cafe, grabbing him by the hand as you pull him outside to a secluded area. You quickly drop his hand, a bit surprised that he let you even hold it. âWhat are you talking about?â You ask, not sure why youâre playing dumb.Â
âYouâre avoiding me,â he says, staring down at you. Sometimes, you forget how tall Satoru really is and how his gaze can make anyone feel small. âDid I do something to make you mad?â
You think back to him and the girl. âNo you didnât do anything.â
âThen what the hell is it?â He says, sounding more mad than you initially thought. His eyes scan over your faceâobserving your pursed lips and aversion from his eyes. He clicks his tongue. âIs this about the other night?â
You really wish you didnât snap your head so fast to meet his eyes. The other night couldâve meant many things but you knew he was referring to a specific one. âNo,â you say and you already know he doesnât believe you.Â
â(Name),â he says softly. âWere you jealous?â Hearing him saying it out loud makes you cringe. You shake your head adamantly, trying to muster up the courage to not break eye-contact with him. You wonder if he could hear how loud your heartbeat was. âIâm not jealous. Why would I be jealous?â
âYou tell me,â he voices in that tone that tells you that heâs already figured it out. For all the years youâve known Gojo, youâve become well-acquainted with his habits and his mannerisms. And you knew him well enough to realize that he wasnât going to stop with the questions until you told him the truth.Â
He always did this. Always made sure to pummel the truth out of you and it didnât matter how dirty he played. âThen why did you go to me in the first place? Didnât you have Suguru outside waiting for you?â
âIââ
âWhat was so important about what you wanted to tell me that you left Suguru waiting for you? What was it and why are you so scared that youâre avoiding me?â
âItâs because I like you!â You finally say, knowing that he bested you in this game of his. The regret hits you so hard you feel like running away again. Only this, he doesnât let you when he pulls you by the shoulder.Â
âWhat?â He says breathlessly, his eyes wide with wonder. Itâs over, you think to yourself. Heâs going to hate you after this because you ruined the friendship.Â
âI avoided you because I like you,â you admit quietly. âAnd because I saw you with that girl the other night.â
â(Name)...âÂ
âStop,â you murmur, feeling the tears form. âStop. I already know what youâre gonna say, okay? It doesnât matter anymore.â
You shrug him off, wiping your tears with your sleeve. The plans for âprotecting your peaceâ almost seemed silly now because you couldnât rewind time and undo all of this. You donât bother saying goodbye to Gojo as you take your chances in leaving. And you desperately wonder how you were going to move on from this.Â
Gojo thinks heâs in a fever dream. Your confession stunned him into oblivion and if it werenât for your tears, he thinks he mightâve stayed in one spot for hours on end. The night you came over, Gojo already had enough on his mind. Seeing you in the flesh made him lose the logical side of his brain and his mind just replayed that night you two nearly kissed.Â
He remembered being able to taste how nervous you wereâhow you found purchase on his shoulders as he tried his hardest not to pin you to the couch and kiss you stupid. He remembered how soft you were and how that thought would torture him for days on.Â
Gojo knew what he did after was an asshole move but he thought the phone call from Suguru served as a reminder that he couldnât have you. You two were best friends and to ruin that because he wanted you was selfish of him. He was already selfish enough to want to keep you for himself but you wanted Suguru.Â
Thatâs why when you came to his place, he was confused. Gojo did something stupid and didnât want the thoughts of you to keep popping up. He recalled dialing the number of some girl he stopped talking to ages ago just to not have you occupy his mind.Â
When he saw your brows furrow at the sight of her, he was surprised to say the least. He ruled out the possibility of jealousy early on and just kept it as that. But now, on this chilly afternoon and in some secluded corner, you were confessing to him.Â
You like him. You like him back. Sure, you didnât love him like he loves you (or at least he thinks so) but that's besides the point. He collects himself the moment he sees the tears forming in your eyes, panic coursing through him.Â
Did his silence make you misunderstand? Did you know that he was ready to scream and tell the whole world that he finally got the girl of his dreams? How he was prepared to pull you into a crushing hug and hold you like he had heaven in his arms?Â
He forgot you werenât a mind reader and it dawned on him that he caused your tears. He doesnât want to be the guy who lets misunderstandings marinate nor does he want to be the cause of your fallout. He was going to fix this.Â
If you thought he was going to let you go that easily then you severely underestimate him. Because Gojo Satoru was willing to fight for your love.
You think youâre in some sappy k-drama when he grabs you by the wrist the second time. If you werenât crying your eyes out, you wouldâve laughed at him and he wouldâve laughed with you. But thereâs only a wave of frustration when he doesnât let go. âSatoru let me goââ
âNo,â he says with a deadpan and you almost think he sounds desperate. Youâre about to say something but he only steps closer. âYou canât run away like you did before. Thatâs the easy way outââ
âIâm notââ
âYou are,â he interrupts. âAnd Iâm not gonna let you because youâre gonna listen to what I have to say.â
Youâre almost reluctant to stay silent but you give in when he squeezes your wristâas if begging you to stay. You sigh. âFine.â
âGood,â he whispers, racking his brain for what to say. He takes a deep breath. âA while back, I said I didnât understand how the characters from romance movies always knew what to say in moments like these. You know those super long speeches? It seemed unrealistic to me but I think I understand now.â
You let him continue, clinging onto every word that falls from his lips. âItâs so easy to say stuff like this. When youâre in love with someone, you notice the little things about them. I noticed you and you were the only thing on my mind. You still are the only thing on my mind. Do you get what I mean?â
You watch in awe as he continues, stuttering over some of his words which was so rare for him. âThe night you told me you liked Suguru I was so annoyed. Iâve never gotten jealous of Suguru or anyone but I wanted to be the one that you liked. I wanted to be the one that you dressed up for and the one you smiled at. It drove me insane when you went on a date with him and I hate that I didnât just say fuck it and steal you away sooner.â
He takes a chance to catch his breath, ruffling his hair as he finally flashes you a crooked grinâa mix of embarrassed and boyish. âThat girl you saw me withâŚI never did anything with her,â he admits and you think you might fall over from shock. âI couldnât. I just kept thinking about you and I wanted you on my mind all the time. I didnât want to think about anyone else and didnât want anyone to take your placeââ
âWhat Iâm trying to say is that Iâm in love with you,â he finally says. âI already said that earlier but I want to say it again. I think Iâve always loved youâeven when we were kids. I think little kid me always wanted your attention. I just never knew what I felt until I realized that you werenât mineânot mine to love. And I donât think thereâs nothing in the world that I want more than you.â
At this point, your mouth is already ready to catch flies as you listen to his ramblings about his affections. You think you might cry. Gojoâs usually not good with words but you can tell how genuine he isâhow much he meant this. âThen all those times you helped me with Suguru?â
âI hated doing that,â he huffs. âI swear I was about to punch Suguru every time he called you cute.â
You laugh, feeling jittery all over. âWould you?â
âIâm a bit worried that you like that idea a bit too much.â
You grin, shrugging. âMaybe a little. I guess I should tell you that I really wanted you to kiss me when we were on the couch.â
âYou did?â He practically beams, cupping your face with his hand. You feel your stomach do twists when his thumb grazes the skin of your cheek softly, as if this was always normal.Â
âAnd I should probably tell you that I love you too,â you say firmly, gaining a rush of confidence. âAnd you should probably kiss me right now.â
The smile on his face might just be the prettiest thing youâve seen in the world. He leans in, cupping your face as he presses his lips against yours. The way he holds you makes you feel safe and you think you might love him a little more when he moves his hand to your neck.Â
You break the kiss. âDoes this mean weâre dating now?â
He laughs. âDo I need to kiss you again for you to say yes?âÂ
When you nod, he pulls you in again and again. And if this was his way of asking, youâd say yes each time.Â
my first & last love (gojo x reader)
satoru realizes he's in love with you after you suggest he set you up with suguru
tags: fem! reader, Gojo praises you like A LOT! slight miscommunications, childhood friends to lovers, reader gets drunk & satoru helps, he's a lovesick idiot & dramatic, both yours & his pov, gojoâs implied to be taller than reader, slightly suggestive bc itâs gojo, slight angst
word count: 11k
The first time Gojo Satoru learned true, unadulterated jealousy was on a Friday night out in his sports carâthe crickets chirping to the melody of a random song.Â
It was real jealousyânot just simple, petty envy. Not like the envy he felt when someone got to taste the limited edition cupcakes at the bakery before he did or the envy of studying hard and getting a lower score than someone who didnât (which is a lie because Gojo was that very person who was effortlessly good at everything he did).Â
Either way, heâs never felt the bite of jealousy, breaking the flesh as blood drips slowly, lingering as if it could never be washed away from his skin. Never felt it smother his throat with needles and leave him with a metallic taste in his mouth. That is, until today.
It was colder than usual but he still insisted on grabbing some ice-cream from the local convenience store, declaring it was his your reward for putting up with the party Sukuna hostedâthe same party that ended in your dress being soaked in vomit. The atmosphere was perfect for sentiment, for talkingâfor confessing.Â
Youâre humming to the beat of the song, licking your lips clean of the ice cream you just ate. âSatoru,â you murmur his name softly, staring at him through your lashes.Â
âYeah?â His eyes drink in the sight of you: your droopy eyes from sleep, the faded lip tint on your lips, the hoodie he let you borrow thatâs obviously a few sizes too big on you. Thereâs hardly any light coming in but he can still feel your eyes on him, the tension so thick he thinks he might suffocate from it.Â
For a moment, heâs scared, fearful of what you were going to say because he knows this silence. This is the very silence that happens before someone confesses to him, the same suspense that he has to mentally prepare himself for since he knew he was going to break another heart. And heâs terrified that he might have to do it to youâhis friend, his neighbor, someone who heâs known for a very long time.Â
âI need to tell you something,â you start and he winces, shifting uncomfortably on the driverâs seat.Â
âYou do?â He mutters. Youâre nervous. He can tell because heâs known you long enough to understand what youâre feelingâlong enough to know that your eyes are darting from place to place, a habit of yours.
His chest squeezes when you take a deep breath just as he exhales, already making his mind to grant you a swift rejection. He hopes you can forgive him after this.
â--I like Getou and I need your help.â
âListen, Iâm sorry but I just donât see you that wayââ
He blinks, wondering if he heard you right or if he was drunk (he didnât drink at the party because he was your ride home). âWait what?â
It was your turn to blink now. âI like Getou and Iââ
âI heard you the first time,â he cuts you off hastily, clearing his throat to play it cool. He runs a hand through his hair, grazing the side of his undercut. âOkay wow.â
Gojo mentally curses himself for not knowing what else to say other than humming pensively, busying himself by mixing the ice-cream in the tiny container. He still needs time to process, to mentally upload your words to his brain. You like Getou and not him? He pauses, repeating that thought again.Â
You like Getou and not him. Part of him tells himself that this is exactly what he wanted since your friendship wouldnât go to ruin. You managed not to catch feelings for himâmanaged not to fall for him like many others. Yet, heâs confused when another part of him doesnât respond too well once he realizes that this was you he was dealing with.
âThatâs not weird right?â You question, bringing your knees up to your chest and propping your chin atop of them to watch his reactionâreminding him to keep it cool.Â
âNah itâs not weird at all,â he said, not thinking straight when his next words escaped his lips. âSo why Suguru?â And not me? Though, he keeps that last part to himself.Â
âWell isnât it obvious? Heâs tall, handsome, and has a good personality.â
Am I not that? He asks himself, not bothered by how stuck up he may seem. âThatâs not very specific from someone who likes him.â
You huff and he can tell youâre narrowing your eyes at him. âI know you donât wanna hear me yap about the specifics, Satoru.â
âI do.â He says quickly.
You make a noise of surprise, looking interested in his sudden intrigue. âWell okay⌠Suguruâs very caring and attentive. Being around him makes me feel warm inside you know? Iâm not sure when I started liking him but I just know that I just really want to be closer to him. And it doesnât help that heâs just so smart and nice. And his looks are just a bonus.â
âOh,â he utters, not even bothering to curse himself for his lack of response. He tries a weak smile. âYou must really like him.â
Gojo canât help but furrow his brows at the semi-embarrassed expression you wearâas if you were flustered at the mere thought of having a crush. âOh, was I that obvious?â You ask, not even bothering to deny the fact that you were undoubtedly head over heels for his best friend.
Oh god, he thinks he might be sick and he doesnât know why.Â
âAre you going to help me?â Your voice cuts him out of his reverie and heâs cut back into realityâthe reality being the anticipation in your eyes. Did you always look this pretty?Â
Gojo nearly flinches at the thoughts that cross his mind, blaming the unprocessed shock for being the cause of these obscure ideas. He coughs. âHold on. So you donât like me right?â
âWhat? No Iââ your eyes widen in understanding. âOh so thatâs what that was all about. You thought the person I liked was you! How cocky can you be to think everyoneâs in love with you?â
âItâs not cocky if itâs true. Iâm just really lovable yâknow?â
You let out a sarcastic laugh. âThat canât be true since Iâm not everyone.â
I know, he thinks to himself, staying silent as he watches you shuffle in your seat. He didnât just dislike this idea you proposed, he hated it. It wasnât hard to just decline and keep it like thatâlet you figure your feelings on your own.Â
Yet, something about the near-pleading look in your eyes made him reconsider and it filled him with an urge to smooth the wrinkles on your expression. He sighs loudly, rubbing the invisible crease in between his brows. âWell I guess you came to the right person because Iâm an expert at this. 5 star ratings and all that. But what makes you think Iâm going to do this for free?â
âUh the goodness of your heart?â
âCute,â he laughs. âBut no. I want a coffee from the place everyday for a month.â
âWhat?! Are you insane? That means Iâd have to wake up early everyday to get in line!âÂ
He shakes his head, waving his finger around with a disappointed expression. âA small price for love.â
âI donât understand why you even need me for that. You can buy the whole shop yourself, ass,â you whisper the last part behind your palm, making his eyes light up in amusement.
âWhat was that?â
âNothing. Actually you know what? Fine,â you huff. âYouâre right. It is a small price for love. But Iâm not walking back and forth around campus to deliver your coffee.âÂ
âI got that covered,â he grins, already coming up with a plan in his head. He likes this, the banter you two typically enjoyed. It made your duo, a duo. In a normal situation, heâd relax and continue bothering you. Still, the feeling of dread gnaws at his throat and he tries to swallow itâtries to ignore it by pretending to be the same, goofy Gojo youâre used to. And heâs starting to think itâs hard to do that when you look up at him with such genuine gratitude.Â
âSatoru.â
âHm?â
âThank you, I mean it.â
Gojo feels that emotion again, that visceral feeling where he might go sick and vomit all over the car. âYeah.â
He thinks he wouldâve preferred if you confessed to him instead.Â
Gojo wonders if stress (if you can call that) is enough to make someone wake up with a hangover the next day. He didnât drink last night but he thinks he might haveâconsidering the headache that was interrupting his morning.Â
Heâs in the middle of downing a glass of water when his phone buzzes, your name popping up as a notification.Â
(Name): iâm gonna get ur coffee pls comeÂ
Him: come ??? cum
(Name): itâs too early to be doing thisÂ
He sees the bubbles appear before they disappear for a while, only popping up again when heâs in the middle of cracking an egg over the panÂ
(Name): SATORUÂ
(Name): OHMYGOD SATORY SOI SOSÂ
Him: WHATÂ
Him: HELLO???Â
(Name): GETOUS HERE OMG IM GONNAÂ
(Name): HE SAID HI TO MEÂ
(Name): WHAT DO I DO?
Gojo grips his phone a bit tighter, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek. He sighs.
Him: say hi backÂ
Him: and then go PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
(Name): no wtf and i meant what do i after this sillyÂ
(Name): i donât know what to do im literally an npc rn
(Name): jk he just said bye :(
Him: shouldâve done what i told u to do
Another name pops up from the top and his eyes scan the name, his brows raising in curiosity. He huffs at the message, feeling a wave of nausea cross him.
Suguru: Youâre close friends with (Name) right?
Him: yeah whyÂ
Suguru: Nothing
Itâs silent for a few seconds and Gojoâs back to eating his eggs, tempted to pop a Tylenol to ease the growing headache. Contrary to popular belief, he was against the reliance of pain-relieving meds, opting to let his body figure things out on its own. Luckily for him, having food in his stomach was enough to relieve the headache.
His mind wanders back to the night in the car where you told him to help you with your crush on his best friendânot fully coming to terms with the fact that he wished you liked him instead. Since when did he start feeling this way and why did he need another man to make him realize he liked or even loved you? The thought of anyone having you for themselves was like hearing the sound of nails against a chalkboard and he was jealous. He finally admitted it.Â
Gojo Satoru wasnât an idiot when it came to his feelings and heâd be a fool if he kept denying his undeniable irritation that came with your crush for Suguru. He places the unwashed dish atop some other bowls and utensils, reminding himself to get to that later since his priority was not to keep you waiting at the coffee shop.Â
Another buzz and Satoru nearly trips over his feet at the dread he gets from seeing his best friendâs message. Are you kidding me? He thinks to himself as he reads the message again.Â
Suguru: Sheâs cute
Yeah, he thinks he might be sick again.
Musicâs playing in the background to substitute the sound of chatter thatâd usually fill the room if Shoko were here. It wasnât rare for Shoko to not flake on parties and it was even rarer for you to leave your comfort zone and go to oneâespecially the last one hosted by Sukuna; but this one was different. Suguru was the host and youâd be an idiot to miss it.Â
You flinch at the feeling of your mascara poking the inside of your eye, cursing quietly as you take a q-tip to fix the mistake.Â
The buzz of your phone makes you freeze.
Gojo: omw to ur houseÂ
Gojo: ill be there in 10Â
You: wait satoru donât get mad but what do i wearÂ
Gojo: âŚ
Gojo: YOU DIDNT LIKE THINK ABOUT THAT AN HR AGO?
You: I WANNA STAND OUT TO ATTRACT THE LOML OKAY?Â
You: so i need ur opinionÂ
Gojo: dude
Gojo: ok
Gojo: just wear whatever u want itâll be fineÂ
You: yeah but what specifically?
Gojo: not smth that makes you look like a grandmaÂ
Gojo: like that dress u wore to the last partyÂ
Gojo: no offense
You: but i liked that dress :((((Â
You: was it that bad?? I mean i had to throw it out bc of the vomit anyways
Gojo: it made u look like a grandma but in a good wayÂ
You: wow okay thanks
Gojo: you looked niceÂ
Gojo: ANYWAYSÂ Â
Gojo: a pair of jeansÂ
Gojo: and that light blue long sleeve that shows ur shouldersÂ
You: really?Â
Gojo: yeah and iâm leaving my apartment now so hurry upÂ
You like the message, tapping your lips to even out the lip tint before you rush to put on the shirt and jeans. Doing a quick double-take in the mirror, you spin once and prop your hands on your hips, snapping a few selfies to commemorate this day.Â
Youâre not sure how much time passes until you hear excessive honking outside, the sound of your phone buzzing as you see Gojoâs caller id. Itâs enough to make your eyes roll as you grab your bagâleaving the door locked and the lights off.Â
Gojoâs grin is boyish and teasing as his eyes scan you from top to bottom. âOh look at you,â he coos. âYouâre actually wearing what I told you to wear.â
âWell I felt like listening today,â you murmur, feeling a small ripple of embarrassment pass you.Â
âAtta girl.â
âShut up,â you mumble, feeling a grin form when you hear him chuckle. He puts his car into reverse mode, propping his arm on the top of your seat. Up close, you can get a stronger whiff of his cologneâits musk and earthiness slowing your heartbeat, calming you. Your eyes scan his outfit: a black pullover layered atop white t-shirt, paired with a pair of pants that were on the edge of being joggers and trousers.
On anyone else, the outfit wouldnât have done them good like it did with Gojo. To your displeasure and awe, he looked effortlessly classy. And if he noticed your lingering gaze, he didnât mention it.Â
âWhatâs your game plan?â His voice draws you back to reality and you watch as he sets the car back into drive mode.Â
âGame plan?â
âThatâs right,â he glances at you, his shades sliding lower on his nose bridge. âYour plan to seduce the love of your life.â
âIâm not going to seduce him!â You gape, narrowing your eyes at his widening smile. His hand reaches down to turn the volume of the song a bit louder, stopping at the upcoming red light.Â
âIâm just joking with you,â he laughs, his eyebrows furrowing slightly before that smile returns to his face, not quite meeting his eyes like it usually does. He sighs before breaking into a laugh that almost sounds bitter. âIâd pay to see that though.â
At the party, youâd imagine yourself âminglingâ with the crowd and letting looseâbeing the life of the party. Unfortunately for you, your feet are still stuck on the kitchen floor and youâre glued to Gojoâs side. Youâd like to blame it on the vomit incident from Sukunaâs party and youâre fortunate enough to not be known as the âgirl that someone threw up on.âÂ
Either way, you werenât especially fond of the fact that you were keeping Gojo from having fun somewhere else. Like in one of the unoccupied rooms upstairs or in the living room playing some drinking games. Itâs enough to make you feel somewhat guilty and suddenly regretful that you even came to this party.Â
You tap his shoulder in the kitchen, offering him a reassuring smile. âSatoru. You donât have to stay with me. I can manage myself!âÂ
âThatâs what you said last time,â he chuckles, rummaging through Getouâs fridge to search for something sweet, frowning when he sees traditional Japanese snacks that his grandparents would eat. âWhat the hell?â He murmurs to himself.
âI mean it,â you say, taking a few steps back. âYou have some fun. I donât want to bother you too much.â
âYouâre notââ
âSatoru. (Name),â a velvety voice greets, all too familiar. A warmth spreads over you. âYou made it.â
âGetou,â you murmured to yourself, glancing at Gojo who was already staring at you.Â
For a second, you see a subtle tick in his jaw, a sight you blame on the lighting since heâs back to normal the moment he turns to face Getou. He grins that teasing smile of his. âSuguru.â
âYou looking through my fridge again, Satoru?â The brunette huffs, kicking the fridgeâs door shut lightlyâexchanging the grin with his friend. Your heart squeezes as he casts a lingering look at you, his smile polite. âHey (Name). Good seeing you here.â
âHuh?â You perk up. âOh you too?â
You inwardly curse at yourself for how awkward you were, giving Gojo a scathing look as he hides his laughter behind his palm. Luckily for you, Getouâs sweet and he was also good at redirecting topics. âYou want something to drink?âÂ
âOh sure,â you blink, offering a thankful smile. âThank you Getouââ
âSuguru.âÂ
You pause, cocking your head to the side in confusion. âSorry?âÂ
âCall me Suguru,â he hands you a red, plastic cupâhis smile pretty enough to make your breath hitch. âWeâve known each other long enough.â
You feel your heart race as he looks at you expectantly, as if you knew what he wanted you to do next. You fidget, suddenly more bashful at the attention he was giving you. âThank you Suguru.â
âNo problem,â he smiles and you like how he looks satisfied with you. He hands another red cup to Satoru who stood beside you, the sarcastic grin of his returning. You take a tentative sip of the booze, watching curiously as Satoru and Suguru talked amongst themselvesâreconnecting despite seeing each other only a day ago.Â
You observe the two of them, mapping the details of Suguruâs face before your eyes land on Satoruâsuddenly aware of the fact that the boy you spent most of your youth with grew up. Sure, you know that his face attracts attention from everyone but that was a token from childhood. It just didnât hit you that he matured, grew up to be the man most would dream of dating. The realization is to make you wonder if Gojo ever registered the fact that you were growing too.
Slowly, you take another sip of your drink, blinking slowly as the alcohol settles in your system. Gojoâs the first to notice when you stumble, how your skin seems to heat up. âHey hey,â he holds you by the shoulders, his voice soft. And if you paid closer attention, you wouldâve seen the way Getouâs brows raised at how gentle his friend was acting towards you. âYou okay?âÂ
Amidst your drunken state, you realize that Gojo didnât bother drinking any of the liquor in his cup during his conversation with Suguru. And Suguru. Sweet Suguru who puts the pieces together and confirms that youâre a lightweight, the guilt evident in his expression. âOh shit. I forgot how strong this liquor is.âÂ
âIâm okay,â you mumble and step forward, ready to excuse yourself to the restroom. Gojo looks like heâs about to say something until a group of unfamiliar faces barge into the kitchen, their faces bright as they greet Getou and Gojo with intentions to keep them occupied. Among the chatter and crowd, you find it easy to slip awayârushing to find a restroom.Â
The first one you went in was already used by a couple that you remembered mumbling apologies to. The others were either locked or used. At some point, your gut told you to go upstairs and you staggered into an unoccupied bathroom where you splashed cold water on your faceâsighing at how nice it felt against your skin.
The musicâs only a fraction of its noise from up here and youâre surprised that thereâs not much of a group upstairs. Thereâs a funny feeling in your stomach as you crouch slightly, mentally cursing yourself for downing the whole cup so quickly, ruining your chances to talk with Suguruâcoherently at least. Part of you wants to sulk over your spoiled opportunities but another part of you just wants to crash on the tiled floor and sleepârest your eyes for a bit.Â
Youâre thankful your mind was still conscious enough to rationalize the unsanitary conditions of the bathroom floor, opting to curl up in one of the hallways insteadâshivering at the feeling of cold marble beneath you. Your eyes droop, a yawn escaping you. And youâre almost certain you wouldâve fallen asleep if not for the gentle shaking of your shoulders.Â
âStop,â you whine softly, your vision blurry as you catch a glimpse of hair the color of snow and a pair of worried filled blue eyes. Your protests turn quickly to bemusement. âSatoru? What are you doing here?â
You think he smiles as he kneels down on one knee to be eye level with you. âHow about I get you off the ground first?âÂ
âI donât wanna. Let me sleep here,â you shake your head, ignoring how your body felt warm at how softly he treated you.Â
âCâmon,â he chuckles. âThe groundâs dirty. Let's get you to a bed at least.â
In your drunken state, your mind still decides it favors a soft comforter over cold marble and you see his eyes soften when you go limp in his armsâletting him lift you from the ground. âGood girl.â
Your mind goes fuzzy at the sound of that and youâre not sure if itâs the alcohol or something else that makes your temperature rise. In that simple moment, you let his arms wrap around you, cradling you to his chest as he makes his way downstairs. All your thoughts stop as your eyes close, drowning the sound of the party out as you permit sleep to take over. His hands give your thighs an occasional squeeze, the gesture oddly intimate yet you donât bother questioning it or objecting to it.Â
Even with the veil of sleep dropping on your form, you still recognize Suguruâs voice as he tells Satoru to take care of you, his tone apologeticâhaving been the one to give you the liquor. They talk for a bit and once more, you feel the bounce of each step as he carries you out the house.
Youâre barely awake when Gojo puts you in the passenger seat and you feel disappointment wash over you when he stops holding you. Youâre not sure when you grabbed onto the sleeve of his shirt, your eyes half-lidded as you peered up at him. âDonât go.â
A noise of protest escapes your lips when he removes your cold hand from his shirt gently, rather taking it in between his warmer ones. âI wonât.â
âSatoru.â
âHm?â
âI like when you compliment me.â
âOh yeah?â He says, laughing a bit. âItâs hard not to.â
The music and cheers in Suguruâs house are still audible even in Gojoâs car, your vision getting darker and darker with each blink. Still, you can still feel Gojoâs hand gripping yoursâhis thumb rubbing circles on the skin as you invite sleep back in, taking deep breaths as you breathe in his cologne.Â
And as sleep came to life, you allowed the dreams to live as well.Â
Was there such a thing as a relationship between dreams and memories? In moments of delirium, you canât single out whatâs real and whatâs notâwas it a dream or did it actually happen?
But now that days have passed and youâve given yourself more time, youâre certain that Gojo was the one who carried you out of the house and spent his night caring for you. So you ruled out the possibility that the night was a dream, rather a memory that made you feel soft insideâgrateful yet unsure. And if you wanted to ponder harder, you wouldâve done so if not for the hell you were experiencing this week.Â
Forgetting the content during a quiz. Getting yelled at by your boss. Having stepped in bird shit. Waking up late nearly every day because youâd forget to put your alarm on.Â
If that wasnât enough, you got in an argument with your parents over the phone. It was about something stupid and you were so frustrated that you ended up walking to some 7/11âbuying yourself an ice-cream to cheer yourself up. The argument was so dumb and you werenât even sure what you guys were even arguing about. All you knew that you should probably call them later to talk it out; you also knew that this week couldnât get any worse.
What was Satoru doing right now? You think to yourself, pulling out your phone to check your messagesâfrowning when you saw none from him. Your eyes land on a message from Suguru, seeing the link he sent you to some video he found funny or intriguing. After the party, you were shocked to see an unknown number texting you, claiming it was Suguru and that Satoru gave your number to him. The day that happened, you texted him using exclamation marks and thanked himâsmiling at your phone as you two exchanged witty messages with one another.Â
You sighed, unlocking your phone and clicking Satoruâs contact and phoning him. You almost hang up after several rings but you hear his voice after the nth ring. âHello?â
âSatoru?â You say, your voice cracking the second your lips part to speak. You werenât expecting to cry and neither did Satoruâthough you can hear the concern laced in his voice as he questions your whereabouts.Â
âWhere are you sweetheart?â You hear rustling in the background amidst his voice and your sniffles. âIâll pick you up. Your locationâs shared with me right?â
âMhm,â you wipe your eyes, fidgeting with the hem of your hoodie.Â
âOkay just stay there and donât go anywhere. Iâll be there in a few. Donât cry (Name).â
You think you might cry harder with how sweet his voice was.Â
Satoru thinks he might be the only one who notices the rift between you and him. And heâs not sure if heâs the one causing it or if itâs you. But after that night with you (in his car again), heâs been thinking about how soft you were in his arms; how he liked the way your head drooped against his chest. Or maybe he likes you but heâs not going to think about that unless he wants another headache.Â
Regardless, he finds himself looking at his phone sporadically, subconsciously eager to see your name pop up unexpectedlyâeager for things to go back to normal. Even though you two still speak, heâs almost sure that heâs not imagining the awkward tension in the air.Â
Was he too intrusive when he carried you out to his car? Were you mad at him because he didnât leave Suguru and you alone in the kitchen? It was a selfish thing to do, he admits. His original idea was to leave you alone with Suguru so youâd get to chat with himâget to know him like you intended to do at the party; but seeing Suguru give you that sly smile of his was enough to make Gojo ditch his plans of playing Cupid.Â
If Gojo was a good man, heâd feel happy that you were getting what you wanted since he knew you werenât the only one interested. Like with the message Suguru sent to Satoru and how he eyed you at the party; how he called Satoru over for a bit and told him that he understood why people liked you or found you attractive; how he commented on how the shirt you wore suited you.Â
No shit, I picked it, he thought to himself as he recalled that night. Satoru always knew you were beautiful and he hated that everyone else knew too. You werenât even his yet but he didnât want to share youâto let anyone else hold you or have you. Seeing you blush and smile shyly at his best friend made him want to pukeâmade him want to claw his eyes out. That should be him and god he wishes it was.
He was selfish yet he never promised to be good. Yet, this was for you. He wanted you to be happy, is what he told himself whenever he saw you and Suguru talking.Â
His phone buzzes and itâs almost embarrassing how quickly he snatches it, the anticipation in his eyes fading when he sees that itâs Suguru messaging him about the party today. Satoru sighs, rubbing the spot between his brows as he leans on the kitchen counter, suddenly reminded that he planned a party at his place today. It was an impulsive decision to forget about the tension between you two and Satoruâs kinda wishing he took the time to talk it out with you rather than planning something else.Â
He invited a good amount of people and was going to invite you as well to give him a reason to call you. But lucky for him, you made things easier for him by calling him. Satoru thinks itâs not healthy for his blood temperature to rise just at the sight of your name on his phone and heâs already grinning when he picks up. âHello?â
âSatoru?âÂ
Oh. He pauses, his brows furrowing at how your voice cracked as you tried to hide your sniffles. His first thought was to wonder who made you sad and he thinks itâs scary how hearing you cry was enough to send his emotions in a frenzy. But you needed him and he didnât want you to be alone. âWhere are you sweetheart?â He asks, the nickname flowing off his tongue before he can stop. âIâll pick you up. Your locationâs shared with me right?â
âMhm,â You mumbled back and his heart nearly snapped in two with how dejected you sounded. He frowns, grabbing his jacket and his keysârushing to slip on his sneakers.Â
âOkay just stay there and donât go anywhere. Iâll be there in a few. Donât cry (Name).â
You make a sound of understanding and he hangs up, his finger tapping to click on Suguruâs contact. Satoru hears other familiar voices in the background but he doesnât pay much attention to it.Â
âWhatâs up Satoruâ?â
âPartyâs off.â
âWhat? Wait what are youââ
âSorry something came up. Iâll tell you later,â he says, hanging up before his friend can say anything else. He knows he should feel bad for flaking out last minute but his list of priorities had you at the top of it. And he really didnât care if anyone else would understand.Â
Youâre regretting the choice of shorts in the chilly night air and the ice-cream you ate wasnât helping you shiver any less.Â
The way Satoru sounded made that warm, fuzzy feeling settle in your stomach again. He sounded like he would drop whatever he was doing just to get to you and it made you feel special. You think back to the sound of âsweetheartâ from his lips, shaking your head when you feel your blood get warm.
â(Name)?â Satoruâs voice startles you from your thoughts and you think the sound of it could erase all your troubles. âYou alright?â He asks, shrugging the jacket off his shoulders and draping them over your legs, kneeling down to see your face.
You only nod. âI want to go home.â
âYeah I can take you backââ
âNo,â you shake your head. âBack to your place.â
For a moment, youâve stunned him but that surprise left as fast as it arrived. He sighs, tapping your knee with his finger. âUsually dinner comes firstââ
âNot like that you idiot,â you kick him lightly, a grin forming on your lips. âYour methods of comforting are weird.â
âYeah?â He laughs, the sound blending with the wind. âWell maybe Iâm not trying to comfort you,â he eyes you with a teasing glint in his eyes and flashes a lopsided grin. He looked almost sweet as he did sly, the blend making your heart pick up in pace.Â
You squirm, mustering a tone of nonchalance. âI changed my mind. Iâm going back to my place.â
This time he chuckles, his eyes narrowing in amusement. âNuh uh. Itâs my job to wipe that frown off your face,â he says, the corny phrase making you roll your eyes. âCâmon, Iâll be good to you.â
You pretend to think, ignoring the attentive expression he wore. âFine. I guess Iâll let you take me home.â
âThatâs my girl,â he grinned, standing up to his full height. You beam at him, matching his steps as you two reach his door. By the time the two of you were settled at his place, you already spoke to your parents in privateâclearing up the misunderstandings like Satoru reminded you to do. You were glad you had him and even more glad that things were falling back to place.Â
Your eyes scan your surroundings, noticing how he mustâve tidied things up. âDid you clean your place?â
âHm?â He grabs two mugs from the cabinet. âOh yeah. I was going to have a party here.â
âToday?â
âThatâs right,â he drawls, glancing at you from the corner of his eyes. âI was going to call you to see if you wanted to go.â
âReally?â That was a shock to you. âAre you still gonna have one today?â
âNah. Canceled it last minute.â
You pause, raising your brows as you try not to jump to conclusions. âWhyâd you cancel it?â
âHad better things to do. I'd rather hang out with you anyways,â he says casually, smiling when he finds the packets of hot cocoa. âFound it!â
Did he cancel the party for me? You think to yourself, a bit surprised that you came to that conclusion; but if you were right and he did, you wouldnât know what to feel other than appreciation and maybe something else. Whether that was true or not, you know that you should be feeling guilt and not giddiness from having him prioritize you. Was it normal to feel this way for Satoru? Youâre about to let your thoughts fill your head but you feel your breath hitch at how he seems to lean closer to you.Â
His hands move you by the hips, the touch barely lasting five seconds. âSorry I gotta get the spoons,â he murmurs, paying no mind to how you hold your breath. Your eyes fall to his biceps, swallowing a gasp as you see how the black material of his shirt moved with every movement he makes. There was no way he was human when he looked like that.
Oh my god, you think to yourself, suddenly mortified at the fact that you were checking him out. What was wrong with you right now? You always knew Gojo was attractive but you didnât think he was this attractive. And if he had any idea of your internal conflict he didnât pay it any mind.Â
âCan you go get the movie ready for me?â
âUh huh,â you nod immediately, quickening your pace as you try to distract yourself. By the time he sits next to you, the blankets and snacks are already placed neatly on the living room table. You smile and mutter a thank you when he hands you the mug of hot cocoa.Â
âFeel better?â He asks, propping an arm on the head of the couch once youâre halfway through the movie: a random romcom you picked to cheer you up. Even as someone who claims heâd rather watch a movie with more action, you think the drama that comes with romcoms intrigues himâmuch more than heâd like to admit.Â
You take a sip of your drink, your eyes flitting to him. âMuch better.â
âI bet,â he murmurs, his eyes glancing at the way your knees touched. The scene panels to a teary confession the female lead does, the music dramatic with strings in the background. You watch intently, observing the expressions both characters make on screen.
âYâknow, I never understood how they can always come up with a speech like that on the spot,â Satoru comments, plopping a few gummy bears in his mouth. âIsnât that unrealistic?â
âItâs a movie,â you point out, watching as the male lead hung onto every word the female lead had to say. âItâs not supposed to be realistic.â
âI guess youâre right. But that stuff apparently happens in real life right?â
âWouldnât you know? You have people confessing to you all the time.â
âI donât give them much time to continue speaking,â he shrugs.Â
You donât like how uneasy you feel after he says that. âWell, maybe itâs love that makes this kind of stuff happen.â
This earns you an amused snicker. âOf course youâd say that. You gonna do that with Suguru? Confess to him from the bottom of your heart?â
You roll your eyes. âTo do that, Iâd have to be in love with him.â
âAre you?â
âNo,â you give him an incredulous look. âI hardly know the guy. I just really like him.â
He makes a sound of understanding but you feel as if youâre deluding yourself when you see the look of relief cross his face. You turn to him, the movie forgotten all of a sudden. âWould you do that?â
âWhat? Confess to Suguru with the bottom of my heart?âÂ
âYeah sure. Thatâs what I meant.â you huff, seeing his teasing grin form. You sigh. âNo likeâŚconfess to someone you love.â
Heâs quiet, the faraway look in his eyes confirming that heâs deep in thought. Youâre not sure why a pang of irritation hits you when you realize that there might be someone Satoruâs in love with. And youâre not sure if itâs because heâs not telling you or because you want to be that someone. You go with the former because youâre supposed to like Suguru.Â
His eyes wander to meet yours and the tick in his jaw makes you nervousâmakes your palms sweaty because heâs never looked at you like that. Youâre not even sure words could describe what emotion he had on his face. He smilesânot the smile thatâs crooked and boyish. Itâs the smile thatâs sharp and makes his eyes narrow. âI might.â
âYou might?â You ask, hating how breathless your voice sounded to your earsâsomething that he notices with the way amusement practically glimmers in his eyes. You swallow a gasp when his gaze falls to your lips, quickly flying back to your eyes.Â
âMaybe,â he whispers and you canât help but wet your lips, feeling faint when the bright blue of his eyes darkens to black. You donât flinch when his head tilts, his arm coming to the side to trap you between the couch. His cologne overwhelms you, makes you drunk on him. Heâs so close that you can feel his breath hit your face.Â
âSatoruââÂ
The sound of your phone buzzing crushes the tension quickly and you let him lean backâlooking as if he had more to say. You feel a smidge of disappointment as you grab your phone. âItâs Suguru,â you say and youâre not sure why your inner voice begs Satoru to tell you to ignore the phone callâto act like he cares more.Â
âShouldnât you answer it?â He questions and you hate that sinking feeling in your stomach when he doesnât even spare a glance at youâas if acting like he wasnât about to kiss you seconds ago. You can only frown, nodding as you watch him stand upâstill not offering you one single look. âIâll clean up.â
As you glance at your phone, at the name of Suguru appearing on your screen, you hope for the slightest bit of joyâthat lovesick feeling you get whenever youâd see him. Yet, it felt wrong. This felt wrong. And apparently, Suguru could tell from your voice that there was something bugging you.Â
âIs everything alright? You donât sound too good.â
Your eyes linger on Satoruâs figure moving to the kitchen. You think Suguru mentions something about a date but you donât pay much attention, not feeling all that bad as you drown out his voice. âYeah. Iâm fine. What were you saying?â
âI was asking if you wanted to go to dinner with me tomorrow. Iâll pick you up at 7 and we canââ
âSure,â you say, trying to ignore the way your body lurches at your responseâas if it didnât want this. âSure. Iâll see you at 7.â
You donât catch what he says when he hangs up, only thinking of how Satoru looked at you when he was leaning closer. The thought doesnât horrify you as much as it should but you think that if he had kissed you, you probably wouldâve kissed him back.Â
If someone told you a month ago that you were going on a date with Suguru, you wouldâve cried tears of joy and celebrated. But now, youâre almost undeniably feeling a wave of indifference hit you and it feels awful. Suguruâs perfectâhis sharp features and his charming smile thatâd send anyone into a frenzied mess. Or maybe most tend to fixate on how suave he is with his wordsâmixing the subtlest of flirtations with simple compliments.
Heâs everything you couldâve asked for. Yet, you find yourself missing the ruthless beauty you saw in Satoruâthe striking blue of his eyes and the rare color of his hair. You find yourself missing the rasp of his voice, how itâd soften that night when he comforted you; you find yourself missing his warm and strong embrace as he took care of you in your inebriated state; you find yourself missing how close he was that night on his couch and how he looked at you.Â
At some point, you found yourself replaying that scene over and over again. The first few times, you were giddy with hormones as you imagined him leaning closer and kissing you. After a while, you wanted the image gone because it didnât happen. He pulled away. He let you pick up the call from Suguru. He acted like nothing happened when in reality, a lot did happen. You two were finally breaching the line of friends and he knew that.Â
So why? That question plagued your mind for days after and every time you think you forgot about it, the memory of him would remind you all over again. And when he only congratulated you when you told him about your date with Suguru you felt betrayed. Why donât you care? You almost blurted out but technically he did care. After all, he was the one who was trying to set you guys up so why did you suddenly want to change your mind?
You think you might hate him a little for being so good at acting like everythingâs normal and you think you might hate more for making your heart beat so fast. Things werenât supposed to end up like this. You werenât supposed to imagine your best friend kissing you breathless or taking you on a date.Â
Everythingâs going to fall into place, you tell yourself. Youâve already dolled up and were in the middle of spraying your perfume when Getou messaged you that he was already here. Heâs relaxed in the car as you enter the car. This scene feels the same, you think to yourself, recalling the way Gojo greeted you the last time he picked you up.
âYouâre wearing the shirt you wore to the party,â Getou points out and you look down at your shirt, gaping at the revelation that youâre wearing the same top Gojo told you to wear. Even with the company of another man, your subconscious still wishes he was here.Â
âI didnât even notice,â you mumble, smiling at the brown-haired male as he drives. The small talk is all natural as you two make your way to the restaurant and youâre grateful that Suguruâs such an easy person to talk with. Heâs nice. Really nice and you feel almost guilty for not being as enthusiastic as you wanted to be.Â
Itâs only when youâre midway through the meal that he mentions it. âYouâre not here.â
âWhat?â
âHere,â he shrugs, glancing at you with an empty smile. âYouâre thinking about something else arenât you?â
âIâm notââ
âDonât worry Iâm not mad,â he says and you know heâs telling the truth. âIâm curious. What are you thinking about?â
This makes you squirm in discomfort, a bit uneasy at how perfectly he read you. Satoruâs always made comments about Getouâs intuitive feeling for emotions and youâre starting to think he wasnât exaggerating. âWhat if I donât wanna tell you?â You joke.
âThen youâd leave me to assume,â he answers easily, the corner of his lips curling upwards. âIâm not an idiot (Name). I know when a ladyâs thinking about someone else in my presence.â
When you try to protest, he only smiles. âIs it Satoru?â
Your silence is enough said. You want to deny himâwant to shake your head and utter a firm âno.â But something about the question makes you lose your sense of thought and Suguru understands that too. âAre you in love with him?â
This catches your attention. âNo. I like you not him.â
âArenât we well past the point of lying now?â He gives a good-natured chuckle. âIf you liked me then you wouldnât have looked at your phone so many times as if you were expecting a call.â
You widen your eyes. âIâm sorry I didnât mean toââ
âNah Iâm really not mad,â he sighs. âBut Iâm interested in why you didnât decline my offer for a date.â
Youâre silent for a while, musing over his words. âWhen you called me, Satoru and I were about to kiss. Or wellâat least I think we were about to kiss.
âSo whyâd you pick it up? I know Satoru enough to know that a call from me isnât enough to make him stop with whatever heâs doing,â he raises a brow and you catch a roll of his eyes as he remembers something.Â
âItâs because he was the one who was setting us up together.â
Suguru makes a sound of confusion, nodding at you to continue. You take a big breath. âI asked Satoru to help me get with you.â
Getou makes a âoâ with his mouth, nodding in consideration as he processes your words. His pity makes you feel small and youâre finally experiencing the impact tenfold. âOh (Name).â
âYeah,â you shrug. âSo now Iâm pretty sure I messed up the friendship because I was stupid and heâs never gonna like me backââ
âThatâs not true,â he stops you, taking a sip from his wine. âSatoruâs different around you.â
âWell thatâs because Iâve known him for a while now.â
âMaybe. But he doesnât go out of his way to help people like he does with you. Even an idiot could notice that.â
âThat doesnât mean he likes me backââ
âYou donât know that yet,â he retorts, that smile of his returning again. âJust like I didnât know you were in love with my best friend the entire time.â
You wince, swallowing as you peer up at him. You know he didnât intend for the comment to burn but a small part of you thinks he did it on purpose. The sight of you sulking brings a wider grin to play on his face. âRelax. Iâm only playing with you,â he pauses. âIâm a bit jealous that Satoru's got such a cute girl in love with him though.âÂ
His teasing makes you laugh. âWhat if he doesnât love her back?â
âThen heâd be an idiot,â he says, giving you a look as he asks for the bill. âIf he breaks your heart you know who to go to. Iâd be happy to have you for myself.â
You roll your eyes, smiling softly when he coyly smiles. Suguru was kind enough to offer to drop you off at your place but you told him you wanted to see Satoruâbringing a surprised look on the brown-haired maleâs face. Youâre not sure how apparent it was, but you reeked of anxiety and Suguru was quick to point it out.
âIâll wait for you,â he says nonchalantly, shooing you with his hand once you stare at him in bewilderment. âGo. Just do me a favor and message me when you guys are gonna get uh intimate.â
âWeâre notââ you click your tongue at his grin. You thank him, rushing to Satoruâs flatâthe sound of your heels clicking against the floor.Â
If you were in a movie, there would be dramatic music playing in the backgroundâperhaps orchestra or a sappy love song. The scene was so cliche but youâre understanding why the protagonists always ran: it was love. You were in love with Gojo Satoru.Â
You ring his doorbell, fixing your hair as you ready yourself to see himâmentally preparing the script of your confession. Please be home, please be home, pleaseâ
The door opens and a plethora of blue looks back at you, the surprise evident in them. You visibly brighten, smiling as you see him. âSatoru Iââ
âSatoru?â another voice says from behind himâthe voice evidently female. You freeze, feeling as if this image was in slow motion as you see a glimpse of a girl behind Satoru. Your eyes flit to both of them, the speech you prepared in your head drying up like a sore. âWhoâs this?â
You hate that you can only watch. âItâs just a friend. Why donât you go back inside for a bit, yeah?â
Sheâs so pretty, it hurts. There wasnât a speck of imperfection on her and the need to curl up in a ball never felt stronger. The girl nods at Satoru, glancing at you in curiosity as she leaves you two alone.Â
You think you might hate a little bit for looking at you in concern. âIs there something wrong? Are you okay? If somethingââ
âNo. Nothingâs wrong Iâm justââ you say, wishing your voice was louder at this moment. You avoid his eyes, fearing that youâd end up crying in front of him if you continued to stare at him. âI need to go.âÂ
âWhat? But you just got hereââ
âI donât know why I came here. This was a mistake and Iââ you sigh shakily, turning on your heel to leave.Â
Satoru grabs you by the wrist, his gaze soft as he shakes his head when he sees you try to pry his hand off of you. âJust tell me what I can doââ
âSuguruâs waiting for me,â you say quickly, ignoring the way his face drops. âHeâs outside right now.âÂ
You hold your breath the moment his hand slowly slips off your wrist, taking a few steps back as you make your way outside. Not once do you turn back as you try your best to hold the tears inâultimately failing as they fall as quickly as they appear.Â
By the time you reach Suguruâs car, your make-up is already ruined. At first, he snaps his head back at you with a smile, the curve of lips quickly disappearing as he sees your lip trembling. âNo?â
âNo,â you confirm, sitting back into the car and wiping your tears with a tissue he hands you. Thereâs no words spoken between you two as he starts the car, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. Ironically, you listen to the soundtrack of âThe Other Womanâ playing in his car and heâs quick to change the song. He clears his throat.
âI didnât think he was that stupid,â he says after some time, signaling right as he reaches the stop light.Â
âHe wasnât,â you murmur. âI was the stupid one for thinking that we could be more than friends.â
After the ordeal a couple nights ago, youâre not even ashamed that youâre blatantly avoiding Gojo like the plague. You even turned off your read receipts for him which you wouldâve found so petty if you didnât feel so frantic at the sound of his name. Originally, you thought heâd put up more of a fight and be more persistent in getting your attentionâonly you were proven wrong when you didnât see any of his attempts increasing.Â
Disappointed, you were caught in a dilemma. You wanted this distance but craved his presence. At some point, your thoughts ran dry and you were in a slump. Were you always this bad at making up your mind? Â
No. You werenât. You didnât think excessively hard when you decided you liked Getou and when you stopped liking him. Nor did you think super hard about your other crushes. Gojo made your brain hurt and if this was love, youâre not sure you really liked it; but it felt so nice to think about how it would feel to be loved by himâto have him kiss you.Â
Which is why you thought it was a great idea to avoid him because surely time makes the feelings fade. And you hope they fade fastâespecially after you saw him with that girl. You bite back your jealousy at the thought of what they did together. Today was supposed to be a mental health day. It was if fate allowed you to have little to nothing to do and you were going to take advantage of it.Â
The coffee house was ambient with the occasional loud laughter from groups of friends. You were halfway through your book, taking a sip from your drink as you flipped the pages. This was what you were meant for: reading novels in a cafe, keeping a low profile, and protecting your peace.Â
Youâre about midway through the big plot twist until you hear the sound of a chair scraping and your heart freezes in your chest when you see Gojo stare back at you. Only this time, he looks serious and even annoyed.Â
âI knew Iâd find you here,â he begins, tapping his finger nails on the wooden table. You donât miss the way a few people take a few double-takes when they walk past him. So much for keeping a low profile.Â
âGojo,â you acknowledge him awkwardly, fidgeting with the pages of your book.
Your stomach does a flip when his jaw twitches and his eyes cross your face. He sighs, leaning back and adjusting his seating position. âAre you mad at me?â
âWhy would I be mad at you?â
âYou literally just called me Gojo,â he said and if you were more rational, you wouldâve laughed at how childish he sounded over you not using his first name.Â
âA lot of people call you Gojo,â you point out, still not meeting his eyes.Â
âYouâre not just âa lot of people.â And you always call me Satoru,â he murmurs.Â
You tense up. There he goes again: treating you like youâre special. It makes you confused and makes your heartbeat skip. You clear your throat. âIâm not mad at you.â
âThen why are you avoiding me?â He says, a bit loudly at that. It was unlike Gojo to attract attention to personal matters in public and the guilt hits you. You were so caught up in your own feelings that you completely ignored how he wouldâve felt. Even if he only thought of you as a friend, anyone wouldâve felt mad if put in the situation you put Gojo in.Â
You glance at the curious gazes in the cafe, grabbing him by the hand as you pull him outside to a secluded area. You quickly drop his hand, a bit surprised that he let you even hold it. âWhat are you talking about?â You ask, not sure why youâre playing dumb.Â
âYouâre avoiding me,â he says, staring down at you. Sometimes, you forget how tall Satoru really is and how his gaze can make anyone feel small. âDid I do something to make you mad?â
You think back to him and the girl. âNo you didnât do anything.â
âThen what the hell is it?â He says, sounding more mad than you initially thought. His eyes scan over your faceâobserving your pursed lips and aversion from his eyes. He clicks his tongue. âIs this about the other night?â
You really wish you didnât snap your head so fast to meet his eyes. The other night couldâve meant many things but you knew he was referring to a specific one. âNo,â you say and you already know he doesnât believe you.Â
â(Name),â he says softly. âWere you jealous?â Hearing him saying it out loud makes you cringe. You shake your head adamantly, trying to muster up the courage to not break eye-contact with him. You wonder if he could hear how loud your heartbeat was. âIâm not jealous. Why would I be jealous?â
âYou tell me,â he voices in that tone that tells you that heâs already figured it out. For all the years youâve known Gojo, youâve become well-acquainted with his habits and his mannerisms. And you knew him well enough to realize that he wasnât going to stop with the questions until you told him the truth.Â
He always did this. Always made sure to pummel the truth out of you and it didnât matter how dirty he played. âThen why did you go to me in the first place? Didnât you have Suguru outside waiting for you?â
âIââ
âWhat was so important about what you wanted to tell me that you left Suguru waiting for you? What was it and why are you so scared that youâre avoiding me?â
âItâs because I like you!â You finally say, knowing that he bested you in this game of his. The regret hits you so hard you feel like running away again. Only this, he doesnât let you when he pulls you by the shoulder.Â
âWhat?â He says breathlessly, his eyes wide with wonder. Itâs over, you think to yourself. Heâs going to hate you after this because you ruined the friendship.Â
âI avoided you because I like you,â you admit quietly. âAnd because I saw you with that girl the other night.â
â(Name)...âÂ
âStop,â you murmur, feeling the tears form. âStop. I already know what youâre gonna say, okay? It doesnât matter anymore.â
You shrug him off, wiping your tears with your sleeve. The plans for âprotecting your peaceâ almost seemed silly now because you couldnât rewind time and undo all of this. You donât bother saying goodbye to Gojo as you take your chances in leaving. And you desperately wonder how you were going to move on from this.Â
Gojo thinks heâs in a fever dream. Your confession stunned him into oblivion and if it werenât for your tears, he thinks he mightâve stayed in one spot for hours on end. The night you came over, Gojo already had enough on his mind. Seeing you in the flesh made him lose the logical side of his brain and his mind just replayed that night you two nearly kissed.Â
He remembered being able to taste how nervous you wereâhow you found purchase on his shoulders as he tried his hardest not to pin you to the couch and kiss you stupid. He remembered how soft you were and how that thought would torture him for days on.Â
Gojo knew what he did after was an asshole move but he thought the phone call from Suguru served as a reminder that he couldnât have you. You two were best friends and to ruin that because he wanted you was selfish of him. He was already selfish enough to want to keep you for himself but you wanted Suguru.Â
Thatâs why when you came to his place, he was confused. Gojo did something stupid and didnât want the thoughts of you to keep popping up. He recalled dialing the number of some girl he stopped talking to ages ago just to not have you occupy his mind.Â
When he saw your brows furrow at the sight of her, he was surprised to say the least. He ruled out the possibility of jealousy early on and just kept it as that. But now, on this chilly afternoon and in some secluded corner, you were confessing to him.Â
You like him. You like him back. Sure, you didnât love him like he loves you (or at least he thinks so) but that's besides the point. He collects himself the moment he sees the tears forming in your eyes, panic coursing through him.Â
Did his silence make you misunderstand? Did you know that he was ready to scream and tell the whole world that he finally got the girl of his dreams? How he was prepared to pull you into a crushing hug and hold you like he had heaven in his arms?Â
He forgot you werenât a mind reader and it dawned on him that he caused your tears. He doesnât want to be the guy who lets misunderstandings marinate nor does he want to be the cause of your fallout. He was going to fix this.Â
If you thought he was going to let you go that easily then you severely underestimate him. Because Gojo Satoru was willing to fight for your love.
You think youâre in some sappy k-drama when he grabs you by the wrist the second time. If you werenât crying your eyes out, you wouldâve laughed at him and he wouldâve laughed with you. But thereâs only a wave of frustration when he doesnât let go. âSatoru let me goââ
âNo,â he says with a deadpan and you almost think he sounds desperate. Youâre about to say something but he only steps closer. âYou canât run away like you did before. Thatâs the easy way outââ
âIâm notââ
âYou are,â he interrupts. âAnd Iâm not gonna let you because youâre gonna listen to what I have to say.â
Youâre almost reluctant to stay silent but you give in when he squeezes your wristâas if begging you to stay. You sigh. âFine.â
âGood,â he whispers, racking his brain for what to say. He takes a deep breath. âA while back, I said I didnât understand how the characters from romance movies always knew what to say in moments like these. You know those super long speeches? It seemed unrealistic to me but I think I understand now.â
You let him continue, clinging onto every word that falls from his lips. âItâs so easy to say stuff like this. When youâre in love with someone, you notice the little things about them. I noticed you and you were the only thing on my mind. You still are the only thing on my mind. Do you get what I mean?â
You watch in awe as he continues, stuttering over some of his words which was so rare for him. âThe night you told me you liked Suguru I was so annoyed. Iâve never gotten jealous of Suguru or anyone but I wanted to be the one that you liked. I wanted to be the one that you dressed up for and the one you smiled at. It drove me insane when you went on a date with him and I hate that I didnât just say fuck it and steal you away sooner.â
He takes a chance to catch his breath, ruffling his hair as he finally flashes you a crooked grinâa mix of embarrassed and boyish. âThat girl you saw me withâŚI never did anything with her,â he admits and you think you might fall over from shock. âI couldnât. I just kept thinking about you and I wanted you on my mind all the time. I didnât want to think about anyone else and didnât want anyone to take your placeââ
âWhat Iâm trying to say is that Iâm in love with you,â he finally says. âI already said that earlier but I want to say it again. I think Iâve always loved youâeven when we were kids. I think little kid me always wanted your attention. I just never knew what I felt until I realized that you werenât mineânot mine to love. And I donât think thereâs nothing in the world that I want more than you.â
At this point, your mouth is already ready to catch flies as you listen to his ramblings about his affections. You think you might cry. Gojoâs usually not good with words but you can tell how genuine he isâhow much he meant this. âThen all those times you helped me with Suguru?â
âI hated doing that,â he huffs. âI swear I was about to punch Suguru every time he called you cute.â
You laugh, feeling jittery all over. âWould you?â
âIâm a bit worried that you like that idea a bit too much.â
You grin, shrugging. âMaybe a little. I guess I should tell you that I really wanted you to kiss me when we were on the couch.â
âYou did?â He practically beams, cupping your face with his hand. You feel your stomach do twists when his thumb grazes the skin of your cheek softly, as if this was always normal.Â
âAnd I should probably tell you that I love you too,â you say firmly, gaining a rush of confidence. âAnd you should probably kiss me right now.â
The smile on his face might just be the prettiest thing youâve seen in the world. He leans in, cupping your face as he presses his lips against yours. The way he holds you makes you feel safe and you think you might love him a little more when he moves his hand to your neck.Â
You break the kiss. âDoes this mean weâre dating now?â
He laughs. âDo I need to kiss you again for you to say yes?âÂ
When you nod, he pulls you in again and again. And if this was his way of asking, youâd say yes each time.Â
my first & last love (gojo x reader)
satoru realizes he's in love with you after you suggest he set you up with suguru
tags: fem! reader, Gojo praises you like A LOT! slight miscommunications, childhood friends to lovers, reader gets drunk & satoru helps, he's a lovesick idiot & dramatic, both yours & his pov, gojoâs implied to be taller than reader, slightly suggestive bc itâs gojo, slight angst
word count: 11k
The first time Gojo Satoru learned true, unadulterated jealousy was on a Friday night out in his sports carâthe crickets chirping to the melody of a random song.Â
It was real jealousyânot just simple, petty envy. Not like the envy he felt when someone got to taste the limited edition cupcakes at the bakery before he did or the envy of studying hard and getting a lower score than someone who didnât (which is a lie because Gojo was that very person who was effortlessly good at everything he did).Â
Either way, heâs never felt the bite of jealousy, breaking the flesh as blood drips slowly, lingering as if it could never be washed away from his skin. Never felt it smother his throat with needles and leave him with a metallic taste in his mouth. That is, until today.
It was colder than usual but he still insisted on grabbing some ice-cream from the local convenience store, declaring it was his your reward for putting up with the party Sukuna hostedâthe same party that ended in your dress being soaked in vomit. The atmosphere was perfect for sentiment, for talkingâfor confessing.Â
Youâre humming to the beat of the song, licking your lips clean of the ice cream you just ate. âSatoru,â you murmur his name softly, staring at him through your lashes.Â
âYeah?â His eyes drink in the sight of you: your droopy eyes from sleep, the faded lip tint on your lips, the hoodie he let you borrow thatâs obviously a few sizes too big on you. Thereâs hardly any light coming in but he can still feel your eyes on him, the tension so thick he thinks he might suffocate from it.Â
For a moment, heâs scared, fearful of what you were going to say because he knows this silence. This is the very silence that happens before someone confesses to him, the same suspense that he has to mentally prepare himself for since he knew he was going to break another heart. And heâs terrified that he might have to do it to youâhis friend, his neighbor, someone who heâs known for a very long time.Â
âI need to tell you something,â you start and he winces, shifting uncomfortably on the driverâs seat.Â
âYou do?â He mutters. Youâre nervous. He can tell because heâs known you long enough to understand what youâre feelingâlong enough to know that your eyes are darting from place to place, a habit of yours.
His chest squeezes when you take a deep breath just as he exhales, already making his mind to grant you a swift rejection. He hopes you can forgive him after this.
â--I like Getou and I need your help.â
âListen, Iâm sorry but I just donât see you that wayââ
He blinks, wondering if he heard you right or if he was drunk (he didnât drink at the party because he was your ride home). âWait what?â
It was your turn to blink now. âI like Getou and Iââ
âI heard you the first time,â he cuts you off hastily, clearing his throat to play it cool. He runs a hand through his hair, grazing the side of his undercut. âOkay wow.â
Gojo mentally curses himself for not knowing what else to say other than humming pensively, busying himself by mixing the ice-cream in the tiny container. He still needs time to process, to mentally upload your words to his brain. You like Getou and not him? He pauses, repeating that thought again.Â
You like Getou and not him. Part of him tells himself that this is exactly what he wanted since your friendship wouldnât go to ruin. You managed not to catch feelings for himâmanaged not to fall for him like many others. Yet, heâs confused when another part of him doesnât respond too well once he realizes that this was you he was dealing with.
âThatâs not weird right?â You question, bringing your knees up to your chest and propping your chin atop of them to watch his reactionâreminding him to keep it cool.Â
âNah itâs not weird at all,â he said, not thinking straight when his next words escaped his lips. âSo why Suguru?â And not me? Though, he keeps that last part to himself.Â
âWell isnât it obvious? Heâs tall, handsome, and has a good personality.â
Am I not that? He asks himself, not bothered by how stuck up he may seem. âThatâs not very specific from someone who likes him.â
You huff and he can tell youâre narrowing your eyes at him. âI know you donât wanna hear me yap about the specifics, Satoru.â
âI do.â He says quickly.
You make a noise of surprise, looking interested in his sudden intrigue. âWell okay⌠Suguruâs very caring and attentive. Being around him makes me feel warm inside you know? Iâm not sure when I started liking him but I just know that I just really want to be closer to him. And it doesnât help that heâs just so smart and nice. And his looks are just a bonus.â
âOh,â he utters, not even bothering to curse himself for his lack of response. He tries a weak smile. âYou must really like him.â
Gojo canât help but furrow his brows at the semi-embarrassed expression you wearâas if you were flustered at the mere thought of having a crush. âOh, was I that obvious?â You ask, not even bothering to deny the fact that you were undoubtedly head over heels for his best friend.
Oh god, he thinks he might be sick and he doesnât know why.Â
âAre you going to help me?â Your voice cuts him out of his reverie and heâs cut back into realityâthe reality being the anticipation in your eyes. Did you always look this pretty?Â
Gojo nearly flinches at the thoughts that cross his mind, blaming the unprocessed shock for being the cause of these obscure ideas. He coughs. âHold on. So you donât like me right?â
âWhat? No Iââ your eyes widen in understanding. âOh so thatâs what that was all about. You thought the person I liked was you! How cocky can you be to think everyoneâs in love with you?â
âItâs not cocky if itâs true. Iâm just really lovable yâknow?â
You let out a sarcastic laugh. âThat canât be true since Iâm not everyone.â
I know, he thinks to himself, staying silent as he watches you shuffle in your seat. He didnât just dislike this idea you proposed, he hated it. It wasnât hard to just decline and keep it like thatâlet you figure your feelings on your own.Â
Yet, something about the near-pleading look in your eyes made him reconsider and it filled him with an urge to smooth the wrinkles on your expression. He sighs loudly, rubbing the invisible crease in between his brows. âWell I guess you came to the right person because Iâm an expert at this. 5 star ratings and all that. But what makes you think Iâm going to do this for free?â
âUh the goodness of your heart?â
âCute,â he laughs. âBut no. I want a coffee from the place everyday for a month.â
âWhat?! Are you insane? That means Iâd have to wake up early everyday to get in line!âÂ
He shakes his head, waving his finger around with a disappointed expression. âA small price for love.â
âI donât understand why you even need me for that. You can buy the whole shop yourself, ass,â you whisper the last part behind your palm, making his eyes light up in amusement.
âWhat was that?â
âNothing. Actually you know what? Fine,â you huff. âYouâre right. It is a small price for love. But Iâm not walking back and forth around campus to deliver your coffee.âÂ
âI got that covered,â he grins, already coming up with a plan in his head. He likes this, the banter you two typically enjoyed. It made your duo, a duo. In a normal situation, heâd relax and continue bothering you. Still, the feeling of dread gnaws at his throat and he tries to swallow itâtries to ignore it by pretending to be the same, goofy Gojo youâre used to. And heâs starting to think itâs hard to do that when you look up at him with such genuine gratitude.Â
âSatoru.â
âHm?â
âThank you, I mean it.â
Gojo feels that emotion again, that visceral feeling where he might go sick and vomit all over the car. âYeah.â
He thinks he wouldâve preferred if you confessed to him instead.Â
Gojo wonders if stress (if you can call that) is enough to make someone wake up with a hangover the next day. He didnât drink last night but he thinks he might haveâconsidering the headache that was interrupting his morning.Â
Heâs in the middle of downing a glass of water when his phone buzzes, your name popping up as a notification.Â
(Name): iâm gonna get ur coffee pls comeÂ
Him: come ??? cum
(Name): itâs too early to be doing thisÂ
He sees the bubbles appear before they disappear for a while, only popping up again when heâs in the middle of cracking an egg over the panÂ
(Name): SATORUÂ
(Name): OHMYGOD SATORY SOI SOSÂ
Him: WHATÂ
Him: HELLO???Â
(Name): GETOUS HERE OMG IM GONNAÂ
(Name): HE SAID HI TO MEÂ
(Name): WHAT DO I DO?
Gojo grips his phone a bit tighter, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek. He sighs.
Him: say hi backÂ
Him: and then go PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
(Name): no wtf and i meant what do i after this sillyÂ
(Name): i donât know what to do im literally an npc rn
(Name): jk he just said bye :(
Him: shouldâve done what i told u to do
Another name pops up from the top and his eyes scan the name, his brows raising in curiosity. He huffs at the message, feeling a wave of nausea cross him.
Suguru: Youâre close friends with (Name) right?
Him: yeah whyÂ
Suguru: Nothing
Itâs silent for a few seconds and Gojoâs back to eating his eggs, tempted to pop a Tylenol to ease the growing headache. Contrary to popular belief, he was against the reliance of pain-relieving meds, opting to let his body figure things out on its own. Luckily for him, having food in his stomach was enough to relieve the headache.
His mind wanders back to the night in the car where you told him to help you with your crush on his best friendânot fully coming to terms with the fact that he wished you liked him instead. Since when did he start feeling this way and why did he need another man to make him realize he liked or even loved you? The thought of anyone having you for themselves was like hearing the sound of nails against a chalkboard and he was jealous. He finally admitted it.Â
Gojo Satoru wasnât an idiot when it came to his feelings and heâd be a fool if he kept denying his undeniable irritation that came with your crush for Suguru. He places the unwashed dish atop some other bowls and utensils, reminding himself to get to that later since his priority was not to keep you waiting at the coffee shop.Â
Another buzz and Satoru nearly trips over his feet at the dread he gets from seeing his best friendâs message. Are you kidding me? He thinks to himself as he reads the message again.Â
Suguru: Sheâs cute
Yeah, he thinks he might be sick again.
Musicâs playing in the background to substitute the sound of chatter thatâd usually fill the room if Shoko were here. It wasnât rare for Shoko to not flake on parties and it was even rarer for you to leave your comfort zone and go to oneâespecially the last one hosted by Sukuna; but this one was different. Suguru was the host and youâd be an idiot to miss it.Â
You flinch at the feeling of your mascara poking the inside of your eye, cursing quietly as you take a q-tip to fix the mistake.Â
The buzz of your phone makes you freeze.
Gojo: omw to ur houseÂ
Gojo: ill be there in 10Â
You: wait satoru donât get mad but what do i wearÂ
Gojo: âŚ
Gojo: YOU DIDNT LIKE THINK ABOUT THAT AN HR AGO?
You: I WANNA STAND OUT TO ATTRACT THE LOML OKAY?Â
You: so i need ur opinionÂ
Gojo: dude
Gojo: ok
Gojo: just wear whatever u want itâll be fineÂ
You: yeah but what specifically?
Gojo: not smth that makes you look like a grandmaÂ
Gojo: like that dress u wore to the last partyÂ
Gojo: no offense
You: but i liked that dress :((((Â
You: was it that bad?? I mean i had to throw it out bc of the vomit anyways
Gojo: it made u look like a grandma but in a good wayÂ
You: wow okay thanks
Gojo: you looked niceÂ
Gojo: ANYWAYSÂ Â
Gojo: a pair of jeansÂ
Gojo: and that light blue long sleeve that shows ur shouldersÂ
You: really?Â
Gojo: yeah and iâm leaving my apartment now so hurry upÂ
You like the message, tapping your lips to even out the lip tint before you rush to put on the shirt and jeans. Doing a quick double-take in the mirror, you spin once and prop your hands on your hips, snapping a few selfies to commemorate this day.Â
Youâre not sure how much time passes until you hear excessive honking outside, the sound of your phone buzzing as you see Gojoâs caller id. Itâs enough to make your eyes roll as you grab your bagâleaving the door locked and the lights off.Â
Gojoâs grin is boyish and teasing as his eyes scan you from top to bottom. âOh look at you,â he coos. âYouâre actually wearing what I told you to wear.â
âWell I felt like listening today,â you murmur, feeling a small ripple of embarrassment pass you.Â
âAtta girl.â
âShut up,â you mumble, feeling a grin form when you hear him chuckle. He puts his car into reverse mode, propping his arm on the top of your seat. Up close, you can get a stronger whiff of his cologneâits musk and earthiness slowing your heartbeat, calming you. Your eyes scan his outfit: a black pullover layered atop white t-shirt, paired with a pair of pants that were on the edge of being joggers and trousers.
On anyone else, the outfit wouldnât have done them good like it did with Gojo. To your displeasure and awe, he looked effortlessly classy. And if he noticed your lingering gaze, he didnât mention it.Â
âWhatâs your game plan?â His voice draws you back to reality and you watch as he sets the car back into drive mode.Â
âGame plan?â
âThatâs right,â he glances at you, his shades sliding lower on his nose bridge. âYour plan to seduce the love of your life.â
âIâm not going to seduce him!â You gape, narrowing your eyes at his widening smile. His hand reaches down to turn the volume of the song a bit louder, stopping at the upcoming red light.Â
âIâm just joking with you,â he laughs, his eyebrows furrowing slightly before that smile returns to his face, not quite meeting his eyes like it usually does. He sighs before breaking into a laugh that almost sounds bitter. âIâd pay to see that though.â
At the party, youâd imagine yourself âminglingâ with the crowd and letting looseâbeing the life of the party. Unfortunately for you, your feet are still stuck on the kitchen floor and youâre glued to Gojoâs side. Youâd like to blame it on the vomit incident from Sukunaâs party and youâre fortunate enough to not be known as the âgirl that someone threw up on.âÂ
Either way, you werenât especially fond of the fact that you were keeping Gojo from having fun somewhere else. Like in one of the unoccupied rooms upstairs or in the living room playing some drinking games. Itâs enough to make you feel somewhat guilty and suddenly regretful that you even came to this party.Â
You tap his shoulder in the kitchen, offering him a reassuring smile. âSatoru. You donât have to stay with me. I can manage myself!âÂ
âThatâs what you said last time,â he chuckles, rummaging through Getouâs fridge to search for something sweet, frowning when he sees traditional Japanese snacks that his grandparents would eat. âWhat the hell?â He murmurs to himself.
âI mean it,â you say, taking a few steps back. âYou have some fun. I donât want to bother you too much.â
âYouâre notââ
âSatoru. (Name),â a velvety voice greets, all too familiar. A warmth spreads over you. âYou made it.â
âGetou,â you murmured to yourself, glancing at Gojo who was already staring at you.Â
For a second, you see a subtle tick in his jaw, a sight you blame on the lighting since heâs back to normal the moment he turns to face Getou. He grins that teasing smile of his. âSuguru.â
âYou looking through my fridge again, Satoru?â The brunette huffs, kicking the fridgeâs door shut lightlyâexchanging the grin with his friend. Your heart squeezes as he casts a lingering look at you, his smile polite. âHey (Name). Good seeing you here.â
âHuh?â You perk up. âOh you too?â
You inwardly curse at yourself for how awkward you were, giving Gojo a scathing look as he hides his laughter behind his palm. Luckily for you, Getouâs sweet and he was also good at redirecting topics. âYou want something to drink?âÂ
âOh sure,â you blink, offering a thankful smile. âThank you Getouââ
âSuguru.âÂ
You pause, cocking your head to the side in confusion. âSorry?âÂ
âCall me Suguru,â he hands you a red, plastic cupâhis smile pretty enough to make your breath hitch. âWeâve known each other long enough.â
You feel your heart race as he looks at you expectantly, as if you knew what he wanted you to do next. You fidget, suddenly more bashful at the attention he was giving you. âThank you Suguru.â
âNo problem,â he smiles and you like how he looks satisfied with you. He hands another red cup to Satoru who stood beside you, the sarcastic grin of his returning. You take a tentative sip of the booze, watching curiously as Satoru and Suguru talked amongst themselvesâreconnecting despite seeing each other only a day ago.Â
You observe the two of them, mapping the details of Suguruâs face before your eyes land on Satoruâsuddenly aware of the fact that the boy you spent most of your youth with grew up. Sure, you know that his face attracts attention from everyone but that was a token from childhood. It just didnât hit you that he matured, grew up to be the man most would dream of dating. The realization is to make you wonder if Gojo ever registered the fact that you were growing too.
Slowly, you take another sip of your drink, blinking slowly as the alcohol settles in your system. Gojoâs the first to notice when you stumble, how your skin seems to heat up. âHey hey,â he holds you by the shoulders, his voice soft. And if you paid closer attention, you wouldâve seen the way Getouâs brows raised at how gentle his friend was acting towards you. âYou okay?âÂ
Amidst your drunken state, you realize that Gojo didnât bother drinking any of the liquor in his cup during his conversation with Suguru. And Suguru. Sweet Suguru who puts the pieces together and confirms that youâre a lightweight, the guilt evident in his expression. âOh shit. I forgot how strong this liquor is.âÂ
âIâm okay,â you mumble and step forward, ready to excuse yourself to the restroom. Gojo looks like heâs about to say something until a group of unfamiliar faces barge into the kitchen, their faces bright as they greet Getou and Gojo with intentions to keep them occupied. Among the chatter and crowd, you find it easy to slip awayârushing to find a restroom.Â
The first one you went in was already used by a couple that you remembered mumbling apologies to. The others were either locked or used. At some point, your gut told you to go upstairs and you staggered into an unoccupied bathroom where you splashed cold water on your faceâsighing at how nice it felt against your skin.
The musicâs only a fraction of its noise from up here and youâre surprised that thereâs not much of a group upstairs. Thereâs a funny feeling in your stomach as you crouch slightly, mentally cursing yourself for downing the whole cup so quickly, ruining your chances to talk with Suguruâcoherently at least. Part of you wants to sulk over your spoiled opportunities but another part of you just wants to crash on the tiled floor and sleepârest your eyes for a bit.Â
Youâre thankful your mind was still conscious enough to rationalize the unsanitary conditions of the bathroom floor, opting to curl up in one of the hallways insteadâshivering at the feeling of cold marble beneath you. Your eyes droop, a yawn escaping you. And youâre almost certain you wouldâve fallen asleep if not for the gentle shaking of your shoulders.Â
âStop,â you whine softly, your vision blurry as you catch a glimpse of hair the color of snow and a pair of worried filled blue eyes. Your protests turn quickly to bemusement. âSatoru? What are you doing here?â
You think he smiles as he kneels down on one knee to be eye level with you. âHow about I get you off the ground first?âÂ
âI donât wanna. Let me sleep here,â you shake your head, ignoring how your body felt warm at how softly he treated you.Â
âCâmon,â he chuckles. âThe groundâs dirty. Let's get you to a bed at least.â
In your drunken state, your mind still decides it favors a soft comforter over cold marble and you see his eyes soften when you go limp in his armsâletting him lift you from the ground. âGood girl.â
Your mind goes fuzzy at the sound of that and youâre not sure if itâs the alcohol or something else that makes your temperature rise. In that simple moment, you let his arms wrap around you, cradling you to his chest as he makes his way downstairs. All your thoughts stop as your eyes close, drowning the sound of the party out as you permit sleep to take over. His hands give your thighs an occasional squeeze, the gesture oddly intimate yet you donât bother questioning it or objecting to it.Â
Even with the veil of sleep dropping on your form, you still recognize Suguruâs voice as he tells Satoru to take care of you, his tone apologeticâhaving been the one to give you the liquor. They talk for a bit and once more, you feel the bounce of each step as he carries you out the house.
Youâre barely awake when Gojo puts you in the passenger seat and you feel disappointment wash over you when he stops holding you. Youâre not sure when you grabbed onto the sleeve of his shirt, your eyes half-lidded as you peered up at him. âDonât go.â
A noise of protest escapes your lips when he removes your cold hand from his shirt gently, rather taking it in between his warmer ones. âI wonât.â
âSatoru.â
âHm?â
âI like when you compliment me.â
âOh yeah?â He says, laughing a bit. âItâs hard not to.â
The music and cheers in Suguruâs house are still audible even in Gojoâs car, your vision getting darker and darker with each blink. Still, you can still feel Gojoâs hand gripping yoursâhis thumb rubbing circles on the skin as you invite sleep back in, taking deep breaths as you breathe in his cologne.Â
And as sleep came to life, you allowed the dreams to live as well.Â
Was there such a thing as a relationship between dreams and memories? In moments of delirium, you canât single out whatâs real and whatâs notâwas it a dream or did it actually happen?
But now that days have passed and youâve given yourself more time, youâre certain that Gojo was the one who carried you out of the house and spent his night caring for you. So you ruled out the possibility that the night was a dream, rather a memory that made you feel soft insideâgrateful yet unsure. And if you wanted to ponder harder, you wouldâve done so if not for the hell you were experiencing this week.Â
Forgetting the content during a quiz. Getting yelled at by your boss. Having stepped in bird shit. Waking up late nearly every day because youâd forget to put your alarm on.Â
If that wasnât enough, you got in an argument with your parents over the phone. It was about something stupid and you were so frustrated that you ended up walking to some 7/11âbuying yourself an ice-cream to cheer yourself up. The argument was so dumb and you werenât even sure what you guys were even arguing about. All you knew that you should probably call them later to talk it out; you also knew that this week couldnât get any worse.
What was Satoru doing right now? You think to yourself, pulling out your phone to check your messagesâfrowning when you saw none from him. Your eyes land on a message from Suguru, seeing the link he sent you to some video he found funny or intriguing. After the party, you were shocked to see an unknown number texting you, claiming it was Suguru and that Satoru gave your number to him. The day that happened, you texted him using exclamation marks and thanked himâsmiling at your phone as you two exchanged witty messages with one another.Â
You sighed, unlocking your phone and clicking Satoruâs contact and phoning him. You almost hang up after several rings but you hear his voice after the nth ring. âHello?â
âSatoru?â You say, your voice cracking the second your lips part to speak. You werenât expecting to cry and neither did Satoruâthough you can hear the concern laced in his voice as he questions your whereabouts.Â
âWhere are you sweetheart?â You hear rustling in the background amidst his voice and your sniffles. âIâll pick you up. Your locationâs shared with me right?â
âMhm,â you wipe your eyes, fidgeting with the hem of your hoodie.Â
âOkay just stay there and donât go anywhere. Iâll be there in a few. Donât cry (Name).â
You think you might cry harder with how sweet his voice was.Â
Satoru thinks he might be the only one who notices the rift between you and him. And heâs not sure if heâs the one causing it or if itâs you. But after that night with you (in his car again), heâs been thinking about how soft you were in his arms; how he liked the way your head drooped against his chest. Or maybe he likes you but heâs not going to think about that unless he wants another headache.Â
Regardless, he finds himself looking at his phone sporadically, subconsciously eager to see your name pop up unexpectedlyâeager for things to go back to normal. Even though you two still speak, heâs almost sure that heâs not imagining the awkward tension in the air.Â
Was he too intrusive when he carried you out to his car? Were you mad at him because he didnât leave Suguru and you alone in the kitchen? It was a selfish thing to do, he admits. His original idea was to leave you alone with Suguru so youâd get to chat with himâget to know him like you intended to do at the party; but seeing Suguru give you that sly smile of his was enough to make Gojo ditch his plans of playing Cupid.Â
If Gojo was a good man, heâd feel happy that you were getting what you wanted since he knew you werenât the only one interested. Like with the message Suguru sent to Satoru and how he eyed you at the party; how he called Satoru over for a bit and told him that he understood why people liked you or found you attractive; how he commented on how the shirt you wore suited you.Â
No shit, I picked it, he thought to himself as he recalled that night. Satoru always knew you were beautiful and he hated that everyone else knew too. You werenât even his yet but he didnât want to share youâto let anyone else hold you or have you. Seeing you blush and smile shyly at his best friend made him want to pukeâmade him want to claw his eyes out. That should be him and god he wishes it was.
He was selfish yet he never promised to be good. Yet, this was for you. He wanted you to be happy, is what he told himself whenever he saw you and Suguru talking.Â
His phone buzzes and itâs almost embarrassing how quickly he snatches it, the anticipation in his eyes fading when he sees that itâs Suguru messaging him about the party today. Satoru sighs, rubbing the spot between his brows as he leans on the kitchen counter, suddenly reminded that he planned a party at his place today. It was an impulsive decision to forget about the tension between you two and Satoruâs kinda wishing he took the time to talk it out with you rather than planning something else.Â
He invited a good amount of people and was going to invite you as well to give him a reason to call you. But lucky for him, you made things easier for him by calling him. Satoru thinks itâs not healthy for his blood temperature to rise just at the sight of your name on his phone and heâs already grinning when he picks up. âHello?â
âSatoru?âÂ
Oh. He pauses, his brows furrowing at how your voice cracked as you tried to hide your sniffles. His first thought was to wonder who made you sad and he thinks itâs scary how hearing you cry was enough to send his emotions in a frenzy. But you needed him and he didnât want you to be alone. âWhere are you sweetheart?â He asks, the nickname flowing off his tongue before he can stop. âIâll pick you up. Your locationâs shared with me right?â
âMhm,â You mumbled back and his heart nearly snapped in two with how dejected you sounded. He frowns, grabbing his jacket and his keysârushing to slip on his sneakers.Â
âOkay just stay there and donât go anywhere. Iâll be there in a few. Donât cry (Name).â
You make a sound of understanding and he hangs up, his finger tapping to click on Suguruâs contact. Satoru hears other familiar voices in the background but he doesnât pay much attention to it.Â
âWhatâs up Satoruâ?â
âPartyâs off.â
âWhat? Wait what are youââ
âSorry something came up. Iâll tell you later,â he says, hanging up before his friend can say anything else. He knows he should feel bad for flaking out last minute but his list of priorities had you at the top of it. And he really didnât care if anyone else would understand.Â
Youâre regretting the choice of shorts in the chilly night air and the ice-cream you ate wasnât helping you shiver any less.Â
The way Satoru sounded made that warm, fuzzy feeling settle in your stomach again. He sounded like he would drop whatever he was doing just to get to you and it made you feel special. You think back to the sound of âsweetheartâ from his lips, shaking your head when you feel your blood get warm.
â(Name)?â Satoruâs voice startles you from your thoughts and you think the sound of it could erase all your troubles. âYou alright?â He asks, shrugging the jacket off his shoulders and draping them over your legs, kneeling down to see your face.
You only nod. âI want to go home.â
âYeah I can take you backââ
âNo,â you shake your head. âBack to your place.â
For a moment, youâve stunned him but that surprise left as fast as it arrived. He sighs, tapping your knee with his finger. âUsually dinner comes firstââ
âNot like that you idiot,â you kick him lightly, a grin forming on your lips. âYour methods of comforting are weird.â
âYeah?â He laughs, the sound blending with the wind. âWell maybe Iâm not trying to comfort you,â he eyes you with a teasing glint in his eyes and flashes a lopsided grin. He looked almost sweet as he did sly, the blend making your heart pick up in pace.Â
You squirm, mustering a tone of nonchalance. âI changed my mind. Iâm going back to my place.â
This time he chuckles, his eyes narrowing in amusement. âNuh uh. Itâs my job to wipe that frown off your face,â he says, the corny phrase making you roll your eyes. âCâmon, Iâll be good to you.â
You pretend to think, ignoring the attentive expression he wore. âFine. I guess Iâll let you take me home.â
âThatâs my girl,â he grinned, standing up to his full height. You beam at him, matching his steps as you two reach his door. By the time the two of you were settled at his place, you already spoke to your parents in privateâclearing up the misunderstandings like Satoru reminded you to do. You were glad you had him and even more glad that things were falling back to place.Â
Your eyes scan your surroundings, noticing how he mustâve tidied things up. âDid you clean your place?â
âHm?â He grabs two mugs from the cabinet. âOh yeah. I was going to have a party here.â
âToday?â
âThatâs right,â he drawls, glancing at you from the corner of his eyes. âI was going to call you to see if you wanted to go.â
âReally?â That was a shock to you. âAre you still gonna have one today?â
âNah. Canceled it last minute.â
You pause, raising your brows as you try not to jump to conclusions. âWhyâd you cancel it?â
âHad better things to do. I'd rather hang out with you anyways,â he says casually, smiling when he finds the packets of hot cocoa. âFound it!â
Did he cancel the party for me? You think to yourself, a bit surprised that you came to that conclusion; but if you were right and he did, you wouldnât know what to feel other than appreciation and maybe something else. Whether that was true or not, you know that you should be feeling guilt and not giddiness from having him prioritize you. Was it normal to feel this way for Satoru? Youâre about to let your thoughts fill your head but you feel your breath hitch at how he seems to lean closer to you.Â
His hands move you by the hips, the touch barely lasting five seconds. âSorry I gotta get the spoons,â he murmurs, paying no mind to how you hold your breath. Your eyes fall to his biceps, swallowing a gasp as you see how the black material of his shirt moved with every movement he makes. There was no way he was human when he looked like that.
Oh my god, you think to yourself, suddenly mortified at the fact that you were checking him out. What was wrong with you right now? You always knew Gojo was attractive but you didnât think he was this attractive. And if he had any idea of your internal conflict he didnât pay it any mind.Â
âCan you go get the movie ready for me?â
âUh huh,â you nod immediately, quickening your pace as you try to distract yourself. By the time he sits next to you, the blankets and snacks are already placed neatly on the living room table. You smile and mutter a thank you when he hands you the mug of hot cocoa.Â
âFeel better?â He asks, propping an arm on the head of the couch once youâre halfway through the movie: a random romcom you picked to cheer you up. Even as someone who claims heâd rather watch a movie with more action, you think the drama that comes with romcoms intrigues himâmuch more than heâd like to admit.Â
You take a sip of your drink, your eyes flitting to him. âMuch better.â
âI bet,â he murmurs, his eyes glancing at the way your knees touched. The scene panels to a teary confession the female lead does, the music dramatic with strings in the background. You watch intently, observing the expressions both characters make on screen.
âYâknow, I never understood how they can always come up with a speech like that on the spot,â Satoru comments, plopping a few gummy bears in his mouth. âIsnât that unrealistic?â
âItâs a movie,â you point out, watching as the male lead hung onto every word the female lead had to say. âItâs not supposed to be realistic.â
âI guess youâre right. But that stuff apparently happens in real life right?â
âWouldnât you know? You have people confessing to you all the time.â
âI donât give them much time to continue speaking,â he shrugs.Â
You donât like how uneasy you feel after he says that. âWell, maybe itâs love that makes this kind of stuff happen.â
This earns you an amused snicker. âOf course youâd say that. You gonna do that with Suguru? Confess to him from the bottom of your heart?â
You roll your eyes. âTo do that, Iâd have to be in love with him.â
âAre you?â
âNo,â you give him an incredulous look. âI hardly know the guy. I just really like him.â
He makes a sound of understanding but you feel as if youâre deluding yourself when you see the look of relief cross his face. You turn to him, the movie forgotten all of a sudden. âWould you do that?â
âWhat? Confess to Suguru with the bottom of my heart?âÂ
âYeah sure. Thatâs what I meant.â you huff, seeing his teasing grin form. You sigh. âNo likeâŚconfess to someone you love.â
Heâs quiet, the faraway look in his eyes confirming that heâs deep in thought. Youâre not sure why a pang of irritation hits you when you realize that there might be someone Satoruâs in love with. And youâre not sure if itâs because heâs not telling you or because you want to be that someone. You go with the former because youâre supposed to like Suguru.Â
His eyes wander to meet yours and the tick in his jaw makes you nervousâmakes your palms sweaty because heâs never looked at you like that. Youâre not even sure words could describe what emotion he had on his face. He smilesânot the smile thatâs crooked and boyish. Itâs the smile thatâs sharp and makes his eyes narrow. âI might.â
âYou might?â You ask, hating how breathless your voice sounded to your earsâsomething that he notices with the way amusement practically glimmers in his eyes. You swallow a gasp when his gaze falls to your lips, quickly flying back to your eyes.Â
âMaybe,â he whispers and you canât help but wet your lips, feeling faint when the bright blue of his eyes darkens to black. You donât flinch when his head tilts, his arm coming to the side to trap you between the couch. His cologne overwhelms you, makes you drunk on him. Heâs so close that you can feel his breath hit your face.Â
âSatoruââÂ
The sound of your phone buzzing crushes the tension quickly and you let him lean backâlooking as if he had more to say. You feel a smidge of disappointment as you grab your phone. âItâs Suguru,â you say and youâre not sure why your inner voice begs Satoru to tell you to ignore the phone callâto act like he cares more.Â
âShouldnât you answer it?â He questions and you hate that sinking feeling in your stomach when he doesnât even spare a glance at youâas if acting like he wasnât about to kiss you seconds ago. You can only frown, nodding as you watch him stand upâstill not offering you one single look. âIâll clean up.â
As you glance at your phone, at the name of Suguru appearing on your screen, you hope for the slightest bit of joyâthat lovesick feeling you get whenever youâd see him. Yet, it felt wrong. This felt wrong. And apparently, Suguru could tell from your voice that there was something bugging you.Â
âIs everything alright? You donât sound too good.â
Your eyes linger on Satoruâs figure moving to the kitchen. You think Suguru mentions something about a date but you donât pay much attention, not feeling all that bad as you drown out his voice. âYeah. Iâm fine. What were you saying?â
âI was asking if you wanted to go to dinner with me tomorrow. Iâll pick you up at 7 and we canââ
âSure,â you say, trying to ignore the way your body lurches at your responseâas if it didnât want this. âSure. Iâll see you at 7.â
You donât catch what he says when he hangs up, only thinking of how Satoru looked at you when he was leaning closer. The thought doesnât horrify you as much as it should but you think that if he had kissed you, you probably wouldâve kissed him back.Â
If someone told you a month ago that you were going on a date with Suguru, you wouldâve cried tears of joy and celebrated. But now, youâre almost undeniably feeling a wave of indifference hit you and it feels awful. Suguruâs perfectâhis sharp features and his charming smile thatâd send anyone into a frenzied mess. Or maybe most tend to fixate on how suave he is with his wordsâmixing the subtlest of flirtations with simple compliments.
Heâs everything you couldâve asked for. Yet, you find yourself missing the ruthless beauty you saw in Satoruâthe striking blue of his eyes and the rare color of his hair. You find yourself missing the rasp of his voice, how itâd soften that night when he comforted you; you find yourself missing his warm and strong embrace as he took care of you in your inebriated state; you find yourself missing how close he was that night on his couch and how he looked at you.Â
At some point, you found yourself replaying that scene over and over again. The first few times, you were giddy with hormones as you imagined him leaning closer and kissing you. After a while, you wanted the image gone because it didnât happen. He pulled away. He let you pick up the call from Suguru. He acted like nothing happened when in reality, a lot did happen. You two were finally breaching the line of friends and he knew that.Â
So why? That question plagued your mind for days after and every time you think you forgot about it, the memory of him would remind you all over again. And when he only congratulated you when you told him about your date with Suguru you felt betrayed. Why donât you care? You almost blurted out but technically he did care. After all, he was the one who was trying to set you guys up so why did you suddenly want to change your mind?
You think you might hate him a little for being so good at acting like everythingâs normal and you think you might hate more for making your heart beat so fast. Things werenât supposed to end up like this. You werenât supposed to imagine your best friend kissing you breathless or taking you on a date.Â
Everythingâs going to fall into place, you tell yourself. Youâve already dolled up and were in the middle of spraying your perfume when Getou messaged you that he was already here. Heâs relaxed in the car as you enter the car. This scene feels the same, you think to yourself, recalling the way Gojo greeted you the last time he picked you up.
âYouâre wearing the shirt you wore to the party,â Getou points out and you look down at your shirt, gaping at the revelation that youâre wearing the same top Gojo told you to wear. Even with the company of another man, your subconscious still wishes he was here.Â
âI didnât even notice,â you mumble, smiling at the brown-haired male as he drives. The small talk is all natural as you two make your way to the restaurant and youâre grateful that Suguruâs such an easy person to talk with. Heâs nice. Really nice and you feel almost guilty for not being as enthusiastic as you wanted to be.Â
Itâs only when youâre midway through the meal that he mentions it. âYouâre not here.â
âWhat?â
âHere,â he shrugs, glancing at you with an empty smile. âYouâre thinking about something else arenât you?â
âIâm notââ
âDonât worry Iâm not mad,â he says and you know heâs telling the truth. âIâm curious. What are you thinking about?â
This makes you squirm in discomfort, a bit uneasy at how perfectly he read you. Satoruâs always made comments about Getouâs intuitive feeling for emotions and youâre starting to think he wasnât exaggerating. âWhat if I donât wanna tell you?â You joke.
âThen youâd leave me to assume,â he answers easily, the corner of his lips curling upwards. âIâm not an idiot (Name). I know when a ladyâs thinking about someone else in my presence.â
When you try to protest, he only smiles. âIs it Satoru?â
Your silence is enough said. You want to deny himâwant to shake your head and utter a firm âno.â But something about the question makes you lose your sense of thought and Suguru understands that too. âAre you in love with him?â
This catches your attention. âNo. I like you not him.â
âArenât we well past the point of lying now?â He gives a good-natured chuckle. âIf you liked me then you wouldnât have looked at your phone so many times as if you were expecting a call.â
You widen your eyes. âIâm sorry I didnât mean toââ
âNah Iâm really not mad,â he sighs. âBut Iâm interested in why you didnât decline my offer for a date.â
Youâre silent for a while, musing over his words. âWhen you called me, Satoru and I were about to kiss. Or wellâat least I think we were about to kiss.
âSo whyâd you pick it up? I know Satoru enough to know that a call from me isnât enough to make him stop with whatever heâs doing,â he raises a brow and you catch a roll of his eyes as he remembers something.Â
âItâs because he was the one who was setting us up together.â
Suguru makes a sound of confusion, nodding at you to continue. You take a big breath. âI asked Satoru to help me get with you.â
Getou makes a âoâ with his mouth, nodding in consideration as he processes your words. His pity makes you feel small and youâre finally experiencing the impact tenfold. âOh (Name).â
âYeah,â you shrug. âSo now Iâm pretty sure I messed up the friendship because I was stupid and heâs never gonna like me backââ
âThatâs not true,â he stops you, taking a sip from his wine. âSatoruâs different around you.â
âWell thatâs because Iâve known him for a while now.â
âMaybe. But he doesnât go out of his way to help people like he does with you. Even an idiot could notice that.â
âThat doesnât mean he likes me backââ
âYou donât know that yet,â he retorts, that smile of his returning again. âJust like I didnât know you were in love with my best friend the entire time.â
You wince, swallowing as you peer up at him. You know he didnât intend for the comment to burn but a small part of you thinks he did it on purpose. The sight of you sulking brings a wider grin to play on his face. âRelax. Iâm only playing with you,â he pauses. âIâm a bit jealous that Satoru's got such a cute girl in love with him though.âÂ
His teasing makes you laugh. âWhat if he doesnât love her back?â
âThen heâd be an idiot,â he says, giving you a look as he asks for the bill. âIf he breaks your heart you know who to go to. Iâd be happy to have you for myself.â
You roll your eyes, smiling softly when he coyly smiles. Suguru was kind enough to offer to drop you off at your place but you told him you wanted to see Satoruâbringing a surprised look on the brown-haired maleâs face. Youâre not sure how apparent it was, but you reeked of anxiety and Suguru was quick to point it out.
âIâll wait for you,â he says nonchalantly, shooing you with his hand once you stare at him in bewilderment. âGo. Just do me a favor and message me when you guys are gonna get uh intimate.â
âWeâre notââ you click your tongue at his grin. You thank him, rushing to Satoruâs flatâthe sound of your heels clicking against the floor.Â
If you were in a movie, there would be dramatic music playing in the backgroundâperhaps orchestra or a sappy love song. The scene was so cliche but youâre understanding why the protagonists always ran: it was love. You were in love with Gojo Satoru.Â
You ring his doorbell, fixing your hair as you ready yourself to see himâmentally preparing the script of your confession. Please be home, please be home, pleaseâ
The door opens and a plethora of blue looks back at you, the surprise evident in them. You visibly brighten, smiling as you see him. âSatoru Iââ
âSatoru?â another voice says from behind himâthe voice evidently female. You freeze, feeling as if this image was in slow motion as you see a glimpse of a girl behind Satoru. Your eyes flit to both of them, the speech you prepared in your head drying up like a sore. âWhoâs this?â
You hate that you can only watch. âItâs just a friend. Why donât you go back inside for a bit, yeah?â
Sheâs so pretty, it hurts. There wasnât a speck of imperfection on her and the need to curl up in a ball never felt stronger. The girl nods at Satoru, glancing at you in curiosity as she leaves you two alone.Â
You think you might hate a little bit for looking at you in concern. âIs there something wrong? Are you okay? If somethingââ
âNo. Nothingâs wrong Iâm justââ you say, wishing your voice was louder at this moment. You avoid his eyes, fearing that youâd end up crying in front of him if you continued to stare at him. âI need to go.âÂ
âWhat? But you just got hereââ
âI donât know why I came here. This was a mistake and Iââ you sigh shakily, turning on your heel to leave.Â
Satoru grabs you by the wrist, his gaze soft as he shakes his head when he sees you try to pry his hand off of you. âJust tell me what I can doââ
âSuguruâs waiting for me,â you say quickly, ignoring the way his face drops. âHeâs outside right now.âÂ
You hold your breath the moment his hand slowly slips off your wrist, taking a few steps back as you make your way outside. Not once do you turn back as you try your best to hold the tears inâultimately failing as they fall as quickly as they appear.Â
By the time you reach Suguruâs car, your make-up is already ruined. At first, he snaps his head back at you with a smile, the curve of lips quickly disappearing as he sees your lip trembling. âNo?â
âNo,â you confirm, sitting back into the car and wiping your tears with a tissue he hands you. Thereâs no words spoken between you two as he starts the car, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. Ironically, you listen to the soundtrack of âThe Other Womanâ playing in his car and heâs quick to change the song. He clears his throat.
âI didnât think he was that stupid,â he says after some time, signaling right as he reaches the stop light.Â
âHe wasnât,â you murmur. âI was the stupid one for thinking that we could be more than friends.â
After the ordeal a couple nights ago, youâre not even ashamed that youâre blatantly avoiding Gojo like the plague. You even turned off your read receipts for him which you wouldâve found so petty if you didnât feel so frantic at the sound of his name. Originally, you thought heâd put up more of a fight and be more persistent in getting your attentionâonly you were proven wrong when you didnât see any of his attempts increasing.Â
Disappointed, you were caught in a dilemma. You wanted this distance but craved his presence. At some point, your thoughts ran dry and you were in a slump. Were you always this bad at making up your mind? Â
No. You werenât. You didnât think excessively hard when you decided you liked Getou and when you stopped liking him. Nor did you think super hard about your other crushes. Gojo made your brain hurt and if this was love, youâre not sure you really liked it; but it felt so nice to think about how it would feel to be loved by himâto have him kiss you.Â
Which is why you thought it was a great idea to avoid him because surely time makes the feelings fade. And you hope they fade fastâespecially after you saw him with that girl. You bite back your jealousy at the thought of what they did together. Today was supposed to be a mental health day. It was if fate allowed you to have little to nothing to do and you were going to take advantage of it.Â
The coffee house was ambient with the occasional loud laughter from groups of friends. You were halfway through your book, taking a sip from your drink as you flipped the pages. This was what you were meant for: reading novels in a cafe, keeping a low profile, and protecting your peace.Â
Youâre about midway through the big plot twist until you hear the sound of a chair scraping and your heart freezes in your chest when you see Gojo stare back at you. Only this time, he looks serious and even annoyed.Â
âI knew Iâd find you here,â he begins, tapping his finger nails on the wooden table. You donât miss the way a few people take a few double-takes when they walk past him. So much for keeping a low profile.Â
âGojo,â you acknowledge him awkwardly, fidgeting with the pages of your book.
Your stomach does a flip when his jaw twitches and his eyes cross your face. He sighs, leaning back and adjusting his seating position. âAre you mad at me?â
âWhy would I be mad at you?â
âYou literally just called me Gojo,â he said and if you were more rational, you wouldâve laughed at how childish he sounded over you not using his first name.Â
âA lot of people call you Gojo,â you point out, still not meeting his eyes.Â
âYouâre not just âa lot of people.â And you always call me Satoru,â he murmurs.Â
You tense up. There he goes again: treating you like youâre special. It makes you confused and makes your heartbeat skip. You clear your throat. âIâm not mad at you.â
âThen why are you avoiding me?â He says, a bit loudly at that. It was unlike Gojo to attract attention to personal matters in public and the guilt hits you. You were so caught up in your own feelings that you completely ignored how he wouldâve felt. Even if he only thought of you as a friend, anyone wouldâve felt mad if put in the situation you put Gojo in.Â
You glance at the curious gazes in the cafe, grabbing him by the hand as you pull him outside to a secluded area. You quickly drop his hand, a bit surprised that he let you even hold it. âWhat are you talking about?â You ask, not sure why youâre playing dumb.Â
âYouâre avoiding me,â he says, staring down at you. Sometimes, you forget how tall Satoru really is and how his gaze can make anyone feel small. âDid I do something to make you mad?â
You think back to him and the girl. âNo you didnât do anything.â
âThen what the hell is it?â He says, sounding more mad than you initially thought. His eyes scan over your faceâobserving your pursed lips and aversion from his eyes. He clicks his tongue. âIs this about the other night?â
You really wish you didnât snap your head so fast to meet his eyes. The other night couldâve meant many things but you knew he was referring to a specific one. âNo,â you say and you already know he doesnât believe you.Â
â(Name),â he says softly. âWere you jealous?â Hearing him saying it out loud makes you cringe. You shake your head adamantly, trying to muster up the courage to not break eye-contact with him. You wonder if he could hear how loud your heartbeat was. âIâm not jealous. Why would I be jealous?â
âYou tell me,â he voices in that tone that tells you that heâs already figured it out. For all the years youâve known Gojo, youâve become well-acquainted with his habits and his mannerisms. And you knew him well enough to realize that he wasnât going to stop with the questions until you told him the truth.Â
He always did this. Always made sure to pummel the truth out of you and it didnât matter how dirty he played. âThen why did you go to me in the first place? Didnât you have Suguru outside waiting for you?â
âIââ
âWhat was so important about what you wanted to tell me that you left Suguru waiting for you? What was it and why are you so scared that youâre avoiding me?â
âItâs because I like you!â You finally say, knowing that he bested you in this game of his. The regret hits you so hard you feel like running away again. Only this, he doesnât let you when he pulls you by the shoulder.Â
âWhat?â He says breathlessly, his eyes wide with wonder. Itâs over, you think to yourself. Heâs going to hate you after this because you ruined the friendship.Â
âI avoided you because I like you,â you admit quietly. âAnd because I saw you with that girl the other night.â
â(Name)...âÂ
âStop,â you murmur, feeling the tears form. âStop. I already know what youâre gonna say, okay? It doesnât matter anymore.â
You shrug him off, wiping your tears with your sleeve. The plans for âprotecting your peaceâ almost seemed silly now because you couldnât rewind time and undo all of this. You donât bother saying goodbye to Gojo as you take your chances in leaving. And you desperately wonder how you were going to move on from this.Â
Gojo thinks heâs in a fever dream. Your confession stunned him into oblivion and if it werenât for your tears, he thinks he mightâve stayed in one spot for hours on end. The night you came over, Gojo already had enough on his mind. Seeing you in the flesh made him lose the logical side of his brain and his mind just replayed that night you two nearly kissed.Â
He remembered being able to taste how nervous you wereâhow you found purchase on his shoulders as he tried his hardest not to pin you to the couch and kiss you stupid. He remembered how soft you were and how that thought would torture him for days on.Â
Gojo knew what he did after was an asshole move but he thought the phone call from Suguru served as a reminder that he couldnât have you. You two were best friends and to ruin that because he wanted you was selfish of him. He was already selfish enough to want to keep you for himself but you wanted Suguru.Â
Thatâs why when you came to his place, he was confused. Gojo did something stupid and didnât want the thoughts of you to keep popping up. He recalled dialing the number of some girl he stopped talking to ages ago just to not have you occupy his mind.Â
When he saw your brows furrow at the sight of her, he was surprised to say the least. He ruled out the possibility of jealousy early on and just kept it as that. But now, on this chilly afternoon and in some secluded corner, you were confessing to him.Â
You like him. You like him back. Sure, you didnât love him like he loves you (or at least he thinks so) but that's besides the point. He collects himself the moment he sees the tears forming in your eyes, panic coursing through him.Â
Did his silence make you misunderstand? Did you know that he was ready to scream and tell the whole world that he finally got the girl of his dreams? How he was prepared to pull you into a crushing hug and hold you like he had heaven in his arms?Â
He forgot you werenât a mind reader and it dawned on him that he caused your tears. He doesnât want to be the guy who lets misunderstandings marinate nor does he want to be the cause of your fallout. He was going to fix this.Â
If you thought he was going to let you go that easily then you severely underestimate him. Because Gojo Satoru was willing to fight for your love.
You think youâre in some sappy k-drama when he grabs you by the wrist the second time. If you werenât crying your eyes out, you wouldâve laughed at him and he wouldâve laughed with you. But thereâs only a wave of frustration when he doesnât let go. âSatoru let me goââ
âNo,â he says with a deadpan and you almost think he sounds desperate. Youâre about to say something but he only steps closer. âYou canât run away like you did before. Thatâs the easy way outââ
âIâm notââ
âYou are,â he interrupts. âAnd Iâm not gonna let you because youâre gonna listen to what I have to say.â
Youâre almost reluctant to stay silent but you give in when he squeezes your wristâas if begging you to stay. You sigh. âFine.â
âGood,â he whispers, racking his brain for what to say. He takes a deep breath. âA while back, I said I didnât understand how the characters from romance movies always knew what to say in moments like these. You know those super long speeches? It seemed unrealistic to me but I think I understand now.â
You let him continue, clinging onto every word that falls from his lips. âItâs so easy to say stuff like this. When youâre in love with someone, you notice the little things about them. I noticed you and you were the only thing on my mind. You still are the only thing on my mind. Do you get what I mean?â
You watch in awe as he continues, stuttering over some of his words which was so rare for him. âThe night you told me you liked Suguru I was so annoyed. Iâve never gotten jealous of Suguru or anyone but I wanted to be the one that you liked. I wanted to be the one that you dressed up for and the one you smiled at. It drove me insane when you went on a date with him and I hate that I didnât just say fuck it and steal you away sooner.â
He takes a chance to catch his breath, ruffling his hair as he finally flashes you a crooked grinâa mix of embarrassed and boyish. âThat girl you saw me withâŚI never did anything with her,â he admits and you think you might fall over from shock. âI couldnât. I just kept thinking about you and I wanted you on my mind all the time. I didnât want to think about anyone else and didnât want anyone to take your placeââ
âWhat Iâm trying to say is that Iâm in love with you,â he finally says. âI already said that earlier but I want to say it again. I think Iâve always loved youâeven when we were kids. I think little kid me always wanted your attention. I just never knew what I felt until I realized that you werenât mineânot mine to love. And I donât think thereâs nothing in the world that I want more than you.â
At this point, your mouth is already ready to catch flies as you listen to his ramblings about his affections. You think you might cry. Gojoâs usually not good with words but you can tell how genuine he isâhow much he meant this. âThen all those times you helped me with Suguru?â
âI hated doing that,â he huffs. âI swear I was about to punch Suguru every time he called you cute.â
You laugh, feeling jittery all over. âWould you?â
âIâm a bit worried that you like that idea a bit too much.â
You grin, shrugging. âMaybe a little. I guess I should tell you that I really wanted you to kiss me when we were on the couch.â
âYou did?â He practically beams, cupping your face with his hand. You feel your stomach do twists when his thumb grazes the skin of your cheek softly, as if this was always normal.Â
âAnd I should probably tell you that I love you too,â you say firmly, gaining a rush of confidence. âAnd you should probably kiss me right now.â
The smile on his face might just be the prettiest thing youâve seen in the world. He leans in, cupping your face as he presses his lips against yours. The way he holds you makes you feel safe and you think you might love him a little more when he moves his hand to your neck.Â
You break the kiss. âDoes this mean weâre dating now?â
He laughs. âDo I need to kiss you again for you to say yes?âÂ
When you nod, he pulls you in again and again. And if this was his way of asking, youâd say yes each time.Â
my first & last love (gojo x reader)
satoru realizes he's in love with you after you suggest he set you up with suguru
tags: fem! reader, Gojo praises you like A LOT! slight miscommunications, childhood friends to lovers, reader gets drunk & satoru helps, he's a lovesick idiot & dramatic, both yours & his pov, gojoâs implied to be taller than reader, slightly suggestive bc itâs gojo, slight angst
word count: 11k
The first time Gojo Satoru learned true, unadulterated jealousy was on a Friday night out in his sports carâthe crickets chirping to the melody of a random song.Â
It was real jealousyânot just simple, petty envy. Not like the envy he felt when someone got to taste the limited edition cupcakes at the bakery before he did or the envy of studying hard and getting a lower score than someone who didnât (which is a lie because Gojo was that very person who was effortlessly good at everything he did).Â
Either way, heâs never felt the bite of jealousy, breaking the flesh as blood drips slowly, lingering as if it could never be washed away from his skin. Never felt it smother his throat with needles and leave him with a metallic taste in his mouth. That is, until today.
It was colder than usual but he still insisted on grabbing some ice-cream from the local convenience store, declaring it was his your reward for putting up with the party Sukuna hostedâthe same party that ended in your dress being soaked in vomit. The atmosphere was perfect for sentiment, for talkingâfor confessing.Â
Youâre humming to the beat of the song, licking your lips clean of the ice cream you just ate. âSatoru,â you murmur his name softly, staring at him through your lashes.Â
âYeah?â His eyes drink in the sight of you: your droopy eyes from sleep, the faded lip tint on your lips, the hoodie he let you borrow thatâs obviously a few sizes too big on you. Thereâs hardly any light coming in but he can still feel your eyes on him, the tension so thick he thinks he might suffocate from it.Â
For a moment, heâs scared, fearful of what you were going to say because he knows this silence. This is the very silence that happens before someone confesses to him, the same suspense that he has to mentally prepare himself for since he knew he was going to break another heart. And heâs terrified that he might have to do it to youâhis friend, his neighbor, someone who heâs known for a very long time.Â
âI need to tell you something,â you start and he winces, shifting uncomfortably on the driverâs seat.Â
âYou do?â He mutters. Youâre nervous. He can tell because heâs known you long enough to understand what youâre feelingâlong enough to know that your eyes are darting from place to place, a habit of yours.
His chest squeezes when you take a deep breath just as he exhales, already making his mind to grant you a swift rejection. He hopes you can forgive him after this.
â--I like Getou and I need your help.â
âListen, Iâm sorry but I just donât see you that wayââ
He blinks, wondering if he heard you right or if he was drunk (he didnât drink at the party because he was your ride home). âWait what?â
It was your turn to blink now. âI like Getou and Iââ
âI heard you the first time,â he cuts you off hastily, clearing his throat to play it cool. He runs a hand through his hair, grazing the side of his undercut. âOkay wow.â
Gojo mentally curses himself for not knowing what else to say other than humming pensively, busying himself by mixing the ice-cream in the tiny container. He still needs time to process, to mentally upload your words to his brain. You like Getou and not him? He pauses, repeating that thought again.Â
You like Getou and not him. Part of him tells himself that this is exactly what he wanted since your friendship wouldnât go to ruin. You managed not to catch feelings for himâmanaged not to fall for him like many others. Yet, heâs confused when another part of him doesnât respond too well once he realizes that this was you he was dealing with.
âThatâs not weird right?â You question, bringing your knees up to your chest and propping your chin atop of them to watch his reactionâreminding him to keep it cool.Â
âNah itâs not weird at all,â he said, not thinking straight when his next words escaped his lips. âSo why Suguru?â And not me? Though, he keeps that last part to himself.Â
âWell isnât it obvious? Heâs tall, handsome, and has a good personality.â
Am I not that? He asks himself, not bothered by how stuck up he may seem. âThatâs not very specific from someone who likes him.â
You huff and he can tell youâre narrowing your eyes at him. âI know you donât wanna hear me yap about the specifics, Satoru.â
âI do.â He says quickly.
You make a noise of surprise, looking interested in his sudden intrigue. âWell okay⌠Suguruâs very caring and attentive. Being around him makes me feel warm inside you know? Iâm not sure when I started liking him but I just know that I just really want to be closer to him. And it doesnât help that heâs just so smart and nice. And his looks are just a bonus.â
âOh,â he utters, not even bothering to curse himself for his lack of response. He tries a weak smile. âYou must really like him.â
Gojo canât help but furrow his brows at the semi-embarrassed expression you wearâas if you were flustered at the mere thought of having a crush. âOh, was I that obvious?â You ask, not even bothering to deny the fact that you were undoubtedly head over heels for his best friend.
Oh god, he thinks he might be sick and he doesnât know why.Â
âAre you going to help me?â Your voice cuts him out of his reverie and heâs cut back into realityâthe reality being the anticipation in your eyes. Did you always look this pretty?Â
Gojo nearly flinches at the thoughts that cross his mind, blaming the unprocessed shock for being the cause of these obscure ideas. He coughs. âHold on. So you donât like me right?â
âWhat? No Iââ your eyes widen in understanding. âOh so thatâs what that was all about. You thought the person I liked was you! How cocky can you be to think everyoneâs in love with you?â
âItâs not cocky if itâs true. Iâm just really lovable yâknow?â
You let out a sarcastic laugh. âThat canât be true since Iâm not everyone.â
I know, he thinks to himself, staying silent as he watches you shuffle in your seat. He didnât just dislike this idea you proposed, he hated it. It wasnât hard to just decline and keep it like thatâlet you figure your feelings on your own.Â
Yet, something about the near-pleading look in your eyes made him reconsider and it filled him with an urge to smooth the wrinkles on your expression. He sighs loudly, rubbing the invisible crease in between his brows. âWell I guess you came to the right person because Iâm an expert at this. 5 star ratings and all that. But what makes you think Iâm going to do this for free?â
âUh the goodness of your heart?â
âCute,â he laughs. âBut no. I want a coffee from the place everyday for a month.â
âWhat?! Are you insane? That means Iâd have to wake up early everyday to get in line!âÂ
He shakes his head, waving his finger around with a disappointed expression. âA small price for love.â
âI donât understand why you even need me for that. You can buy the whole shop yourself, ass,â you whisper the last part behind your palm, making his eyes light up in amusement.
âWhat was that?â
âNothing. Actually you know what? Fine,â you huff. âYouâre right. It is a small price for love. But Iâm not walking back and forth around campus to deliver your coffee.âÂ
âI got that covered,â he grins, already coming up with a plan in his head. He likes this, the banter you two typically enjoyed. It made your duo, a duo. In a normal situation, heâd relax and continue bothering you. Still, the feeling of dread gnaws at his throat and he tries to swallow itâtries to ignore it by pretending to be the same, goofy Gojo youâre used to. And heâs starting to think itâs hard to do that when you look up at him with such genuine gratitude.Â
âSatoru.â
âHm?â
âThank you, I mean it.â
Gojo feels that emotion again, that visceral feeling where he might go sick and vomit all over the car. âYeah.â
He thinks he wouldâve preferred if you confessed to him instead.Â
Gojo wonders if stress (if you can call that) is enough to make someone wake up with a hangover the next day. He didnât drink last night but he thinks he might haveâconsidering the headache that was interrupting his morning.Â
Heâs in the middle of downing a glass of water when his phone buzzes, your name popping up as a notification.Â
(Name): iâm gonna get ur coffee pls comeÂ
Him: come ??? cum
(Name): itâs too early to be doing thisÂ
He sees the bubbles appear before they disappear for a while, only popping up again when heâs in the middle of cracking an egg over the panÂ
(Name): SATORUÂ
(Name): OHMYGOD SATORY SOI SOSÂ
Him: WHATÂ
Him: HELLO???Â
(Name): GETOUS HERE OMG IM GONNAÂ
(Name): HE SAID HI TO MEÂ
(Name): WHAT DO I DO?
Gojo grips his phone a bit tighter, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek. He sighs.
Him: say hi backÂ
Him: and then go PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
(Name): no wtf and i meant what do i after this sillyÂ
(Name): i donât know what to do im literally an npc rn
(Name): jk he just said bye :(
Him: shouldâve done what i told u to do
Another name pops up from the top and his eyes scan the name, his brows raising in curiosity. He huffs at the message, feeling a wave of nausea cross him.
Suguru: Youâre close friends with (Name) right?
Him: yeah whyÂ
Suguru: Nothing
Itâs silent for a few seconds and Gojoâs back to eating his eggs, tempted to pop a Tylenol to ease the growing headache. Contrary to popular belief, he was against the reliance of pain-relieving meds, opting to let his body figure things out on its own. Luckily for him, having food in his stomach was enough to relieve the headache.
His mind wanders back to the night in the car where you told him to help you with your crush on his best friendânot fully coming to terms with the fact that he wished you liked him instead. Since when did he start feeling this way and why did he need another man to make him realize he liked or even loved you? The thought of anyone having you for themselves was like hearing the sound of nails against a chalkboard and he was jealous. He finally admitted it.Â
Gojo Satoru wasnât an idiot when it came to his feelings and heâd be a fool if he kept denying his undeniable irritation that came with your crush for Suguru. He places the unwashed dish atop some other bowls and utensils, reminding himself to get to that later since his priority was not to keep you waiting at the coffee shop.Â
Another buzz and Satoru nearly trips over his feet at the dread he gets from seeing his best friendâs message. Are you kidding me? He thinks to himself as he reads the message again.Â
Suguru: Sheâs cute
Yeah, he thinks he might be sick again.
Musicâs playing in the background to substitute the sound of chatter thatâd usually fill the room if Shoko were here. It wasnât rare for Shoko to not flake on parties and it was even rarer for you to leave your comfort zone and go to oneâespecially the last one hosted by Sukuna; but this one was different. Suguru was the host and youâd be an idiot to miss it.Â
You flinch at the feeling of your mascara poking the inside of your eye, cursing quietly as you take a q-tip to fix the mistake.Â
The buzz of your phone makes you freeze.
Gojo: omw to ur houseÂ
Gojo: ill be there in 10Â
You: wait satoru donât get mad but what do i wearÂ
Gojo: âŚ
Gojo: YOU DIDNT LIKE THINK ABOUT THAT AN HR AGO?
You: I WANNA STAND OUT TO ATTRACT THE LOML OKAY?Â
You: so i need ur opinionÂ
Gojo: dude
Gojo: ok
Gojo: just wear whatever u want itâll be fineÂ
You: yeah but what specifically?
Gojo: not smth that makes you look like a grandmaÂ
Gojo: like that dress u wore to the last partyÂ
Gojo: no offense
You: but i liked that dress :((((Â
You: was it that bad?? I mean i had to throw it out bc of the vomit anyways
Gojo: it made u look like a grandma but in a good wayÂ
You: wow okay thanks
Gojo: you looked niceÂ
Gojo: ANYWAYSÂ Â
Gojo: a pair of jeansÂ
Gojo: and that light blue long sleeve that shows ur shouldersÂ
You: really?Â
Gojo: yeah and iâm leaving my apartment now so hurry upÂ
You like the message, tapping your lips to even out the lip tint before you rush to put on the shirt and jeans. Doing a quick double-take in the mirror, you spin once and prop your hands on your hips, snapping a few selfies to commemorate this day.Â
Youâre not sure how much time passes until you hear excessive honking outside, the sound of your phone buzzing as you see Gojoâs caller id. Itâs enough to make your eyes roll as you grab your bagâleaving the door locked and the lights off.Â
Gojoâs grin is boyish and teasing as his eyes scan you from top to bottom. âOh look at you,â he coos. âYouâre actually wearing what I told you to wear.â
âWell I felt like listening today,â you murmur, feeling a small ripple of embarrassment pass you.Â
âAtta girl.â
âShut up,â you mumble, feeling a grin form when you hear him chuckle. He puts his car into reverse mode, propping his arm on the top of your seat. Up close, you can get a stronger whiff of his cologneâits musk and earthiness slowing your heartbeat, calming you. Your eyes scan his outfit: a black pullover layered atop white t-shirt, paired with a pair of pants that were on the edge of being joggers and trousers.
On anyone else, the outfit wouldnât have done them good like it did with Gojo. To your displeasure and awe, he looked effortlessly classy. And if he noticed your lingering gaze, he didnât mention it.Â
âWhatâs your game plan?â His voice draws you back to reality and you watch as he sets the car back into drive mode.Â
âGame plan?â
âThatâs right,â he glances at you, his shades sliding lower on his nose bridge. âYour plan to seduce the love of your life.â
âIâm not going to seduce him!â You gape, narrowing your eyes at his widening smile. His hand reaches down to turn the volume of the song a bit louder, stopping at the upcoming red light.Â
âIâm just joking with you,â he laughs, his eyebrows furrowing slightly before that smile returns to his face, not quite meeting his eyes like it usually does. He sighs before breaking into a laugh that almost sounds bitter. âIâd pay to see that though.â
At the party, youâd imagine yourself âminglingâ with the crowd and letting looseâbeing the life of the party. Unfortunately for you, your feet are still stuck on the kitchen floor and youâre glued to Gojoâs side. Youâd like to blame it on the vomit incident from Sukunaâs party and youâre fortunate enough to not be known as the âgirl that someone threw up on.âÂ
Either way, you werenât especially fond of the fact that you were keeping Gojo from having fun somewhere else. Like in one of the unoccupied rooms upstairs or in the living room playing some drinking games. Itâs enough to make you feel somewhat guilty and suddenly regretful that you even came to this party.Â
You tap his shoulder in the kitchen, offering him a reassuring smile. âSatoru. You donât have to stay with me. I can manage myself!âÂ
âThatâs what you said last time,â he chuckles, rummaging through Getouâs fridge to search for something sweet, frowning when he sees traditional Japanese snacks that his grandparents would eat. âWhat the hell?â He murmurs to himself.
âI mean it,â you say, taking a few steps back. âYou have some fun. I donât want to bother you too much.â
âYouâre notââ
âSatoru. (Name),â a velvety voice greets, all too familiar. A warmth spreads over you. âYou made it.â
âGetou,â you murmured to yourself, glancing at Gojo who was already staring at you.Â
For a second, you see a subtle tick in his jaw, a sight you blame on the lighting since heâs back to normal the moment he turns to face Getou. He grins that teasing smile of his. âSuguru.â
âYou looking through my fridge again, Satoru?â The brunette huffs, kicking the fridgeâs door shut lightlyâexchanging the grin with his friend. Your heart squeezes as he casts a lingering look at you, his smile polite. âHey (Name). Good seeing you here.â
âHuh?â You perk up. âOh you too?â
You inwardly curse at yourself for how awkward you were, giving Gojo a scathing look as he hides his laughter behind his palm. Luckily for you, Getouâs sweet and he was also good at redirecting topics. âYou want something to drink?âÂ
âOh sure,â you blink, offering a thankful smile. âThank you Getouââ
âSuguru.âÂ
You pause, cocking your head to the side in confusion. âSorry?âÂ
âCall me Suguru,â he hands you a red, plastic cupâhis smile pretty enough to make your breath hitch. âWeâve known each other long enough.â
You feel your heart race as he looks at you expectantly, as if you knew what he wanted you to do next. You fidget, suddenly more bashful at the attention he was giving you. âThank you Suguru.â
âNo problem,â he smiles and you like how he looks satisfied with you. He hands another red cup to Satoru who stood beside you, the sarcastic grin of his returning. You take a tentative sip of the booze, watching curiously as Satoru and Suguru talked amongst themselvesâreconnecting despite seeing each other only a day ago.Â
You observe the two of them, mapping the details of Suguruâs face before your eyes land on Satoruâsuddenly aware of the fact that the boy you spent most of your youth with grew up. Sure, you know that his face attracts attention from everyone but that was a token from childhood. It just didnât hit you that he matured, grew up to be the man most would dream of dating. The realization is to make you wonder if Gojo ever registered the fact that you were growing too.
Slowly, you take another sip of your drink, blinking slowly as the alcohol settles in your system. Gojoâs the first to notice when you stumble, how your skin seems to heat up. âHey hey,â he holds you by the shoulders, his voice soft. And if you paid closer attention, you wouldâve seen the way Getouâs brows raised at how gentle his friend was acting towards you. âYou okay?âÂ
Amidst your drunken state, you realize that Gojo didnât bother drinking any of the liquor in his cup during his conversation with Suguru. And Suguru. Sweet Suguru who puts the pieces together and confirms that youâre a lightweight, the guilt evident in his expression. âOh shit. I forgot how strong this liquor is.âÂ
âIâm okay,â you mumble and step forward, ready to excuse yourself to the restroom. Gojo looks like heâs about to say something until a group of unfamiliar faces barge into the kitchen, their faces bright as they greet Getou and Gojo with intentions to keep them occupied. Among the chatter and crowd, you find it easy to slip awayârushing to find a restroom.Â
The first one you went in was already used by a couple that you remembered mumbling apologies to. The others were either locked or used. At some point, your gut told you to go upstairs and you staggered into an unoccupied bathroom where you splashed cold water on your faceâsighing at how nice it felt against your skin.
The musicâs only a fraction of its noise from up here and youâre surprised that thereâs not much of a group upstairs. Thereâs a funny feeling in your stomach as you crouch slightly, mentally cursing yourself for downing the whole cup so quickly, ruining your chances to talk with Suguruâcoherently at least. Part of you wants to sulk over your spoiled opportunities but another part of you just wants to crash on the tiled floor and sleepârest your eyes for a bit.Â
Youâre thankful your mind was still conscious enough to rationalize the unsanitary conditions of the bathroom floor, opting to curl up in one of the hallways insteadâshivering at the feeling of cold marble beneath you. Your eyes droop, a yawn escaping you. And youâre almost certain you wouldâve fallen asleep if not for the gentle shaking of your shoulders.Â
âStop,â you whine softly, your vision blurry as you catch a glimpse of hair the color of snow and a pair of worried filled blue eyes. Your protests turn quickly to bemusement. âSatoru? What are you doing here?â
You think he smiles as he kneels down on one knee to be eye level with you. âHow about I get you off the ground first?âÂ
âI donât wanna. Let me sleep here,â you shake your head, ignoring how your body felt warm at how softly he treated you.Â
âCâmon,â he chuckles. âThe groundâs dirty. Let's get you to a bed at least.â
In your drunken state, your mind still decides it favors a soft comforter over cold marble and you see his eyes soften when you go limp in his armsâletting him lift you from the ground. âGood girl.â
Your mind goes fuzzy at the sound of that and youâre not sure if itâs the alcohol or something else that makes your temperature rise. In that simple moment, you let his arms wrap around you, cradling you to his chest as he makes his way downstairs. All your thoughts stop as your eyes close, drowning the sound of the party out as you permit sleep to take over. His hands give your thighs an occasional squeeze, the gesture oddly intimate yet you donât bother questioning it or objecting to it.Â
Even with the veil of sleep dropping on your form, you still recognize Suguruâs voice as he tells Satoru to take care of you, his tone apologeticâhaving been the one to give you the liquor. They talk for a bit and once more, you feel the bounce of each step as he carries you out the house.
Youâre barely awake when Gojo puts you in the passenger seat and you feel disappointment wash over you when he stops holding you. Youâre not sure when you grabbed onto the sleeve of his shirt, your eyes half-lidded as you peered up at him. âDonât go.â
A noise of protest escapes your lips when he removes your cold hand from his shirt gently, rather taking it in between his warmer ones. âI wonât.â
âSatoru.â
âHm?â
âI like when you compliment me.â
âOh yeah?â He says, laughing a bit. âItâs hard not to.â
The music and cheers in Suguruâs house are still audible even in Gojoâs car, your vision getting darker and darker with each blink. Still, you can still feel Gojoâs hand gripping yoursâhis thumb rubbing circles on the skin as you invite sleep back in, taking deep breaths as you breathe in his cologne.Â
And as sleep came to life, you allowed the dreams to live as well.Â
Was there such a thing as a relationship between dreams and memories? In moments of delirium, you canât single out whatâs real and whatâs notâwas it a dream or did it actually happen?
But now that days have passed and youâve given yourself more time, youâre certain that Gojo was the one who carried you out of the house and spent his night caring for you. So you ruled out the possibility that the night was a dream, rather a memory that made you feel soft insideâgrateful yet unsure. And if you wanted to ponder harder, you wouldâve done so if not for the hell you were experiencing this week.Â
Forgetting the content during a quiz. Getting yelled at by your boss. Having stepped in bird shit. Waking up late nearly every day because youâd forget to put your alarm on.Â
If that wasnât enough, you got in an argument with your parents over the phone. It was about something stupid and you were so frustrated that you ended up walking to some 7/11âbuying yourself an ice-cream to cheer yourself up. The argument was so dumb and you werenât even sure what you guys were even arguing about. All you knew that you should probably call them later to talk it out; you also knew that this week couldnât get any worse.
What was Satoru doing right now? You think to yourself, pulling out your phone to check your messagesâfrowning when you saw none from him. Your eyes land on a message from Suguru, seeing the link he sent you to some video he found funny or intriguing. After the party, you were shocked to see an unknown number texting you, claiming it was Suguru and that Satoru gave your number to him. The day that happened, you texted him using exclamation marks and thanked himâsmiling at your phone as you two exchanged witty messages with one another.Â
You sighed, unlocking your phone and clicking Satoruâs contact and phoning him. You almost hang up after several rings but you hear his voice after the nth ring. âHello?â
âSatoru?â You say, your voice cracking the second your lips part to speak. You werenât expecting to cry and neither did Satoruâthough you can hear the concern laced in his voice as he questions your whereabouts.Â
âWhere are you sweetheart?â You hear rustling in the background amidst his voice and your sniffles. âIâll pick you up. Your locationâs shared with me right?â
âMhm,â you wipe your eyes, fidgeting with the hem of your hoodie.Â
âOkay just stay there and donât go anywhere. Iâll be there in a few. Donât cry (Name).â
You think you might cry harder with how sweet his voice was.Â
Satoru thinks he might be the only one who notices the rift between you and him. And heâs not sure if heâs the one causing it or if itâs you. But after that night with you (in his car again), heâs been thinking about how soft you were in his arms; how he liked the way your head drooped against his chest. Or maybe he likes you but heâs not going to think about that unless he wants another headache.Â
Regardless, he finds himself looking at his phone sporadically, subconsciously eager to see your name pop up unexpectedlyâeager for things to go back to normal. Even though you two still speak, heâs almost sure that heâs not imagining the awkward tension in the air.Â
Was he too intrusive when he carried you out to his car? Were you mad at him because he didnât leave Suguru and you alone in the kitchen? It was a selfish thing to do, he admits. His original idea was to leave you alone with Suguru so youâd get to chat with himâget to know him like you intended to do at the party; but seeing Suguru give you that sly smile of his was enough to make Gojo ditch his plans of playing Cupid.Â
If Gojo was a good man, heâd feel happy that you were getting what you wanted since he knew you werenât the only one interested. Like with the message Suguru sent to Satoru and how he eyed you at the party; how he called Satoru over for a bit and told him that he understood why people liked you or found you attractive; how he commented on how the shirt you wore suited you.Â
No shit, I picked it, he thought to himself as he recalled that night. Satoru always knew you were beautiful and he hated that everyone else knew too. You werenât even his yet but he didnât want to share youâto let anyone else hold you or have you. Seeing you blush and smile shyly at his best friend made him want to pukeâmade him want to claw his eyes out. That should be him and god he wishes it was.
He was selfish yet he never promised to be good. Yet, this was for you. He wanted you to be happy, is what he told himself whenever he saw you and Suguru talking.Â
His phone buzzes and itâs almost embarrassing how quickly he snatches it, the anticipation in his eyes fading when he sees that itâs Suguru messaging him about the party today. Satoru sighs, rubbing the spot between his brows as he leans on the kitchen counter, suddenly reminded that he planned a party at his place today. It was an impulsive decision to forget about the tension between you two and Satoruâs kinda wishing he took the time to talk it out with you rather than planning something else.Â
He invited a good amount of people and was going to invite you as well to give him a reason to call you. But lucky for him, you made things easier for him by calling him. Satoru thinks itâs not healthy for his blood temperature to rise just at the sight of your name on his phone and heâs already grinning when he picks up. âHello?â
âSatoru?âÂ
Oh. He pauses, his brows furrowing at how your voice cracked as you tried to hide your sniffles. His first thought was to wonder who made you sad and he thinks itâs scary how hearing you cry was enough to send his emotions in a frenzy. But you needed him and he didnât want you to be alone. âWhere are you sweetheart?â He asks, the nickname flowing off his tongue before he can stop. âIâll pick you up. Your locationâs shared with me right?â
âMhm,â You mumbled back and his heart nearly snapped in two with how dejected you sounded. He frowns, grabbing his jacket and his keysârushing to slip on his sneakers.Â
âOkay just stay there and donât go anywhere. Iâll be there in a few. Donât cry (Name).â
You make a sound of understanding and he hangs up, his finger tapping to click on Suguruâs contact. Satoru hears other familiar voices in the background but he doesnât pay much attention to it.Â
âWhatâs up Satoruâ?â
âPartyâs off.â
âWhat? Wait what are youââ
âSorry something came up. Iâll tell you later,â he says, hanging up before his friend can say anything else. He knows he should feel bad for flaking out last minute but his list of priorities had you at the top of it. And he really didnât care if anyone else would understand.Â
Youâre regretting the choice of shorts in the chilly night air and the ice-cream you ate wasnât helping you shiver any less.Â
The way Satoru sounded made that warm, fuzzy feeling settle in your stomach again. He sounded like he would drop whatever he was doing just to get to you and it made you feel special. You think back to the sound of âsweetheartâ from his lips, shaking your head when you feel your blood get warm.
â(Name)?â Satoruâs voice startles you from your thoughts and you think the sound of it could erase all your troubles. âYou alright?â He asks, shrugging the jacket off his shoulders and draping them over your legs, kneeling down to see your face.
You only nod. âI want to go home.â
âYeah I can take you backââ
âNo,â you shake your head. âBack to your place.â
For a moment, youâve stunned him but that surprise left as fast as it arrived. He sighs, tapping your knee with his finger. âUsually dinner comes firstââ
âNot like that you idiot,â you kick him lightly, a grin forming on your lips. âYour methods of comforting are weird.â
âYeah?â He laughs, the sound blending with the wind. âWell maybe Iâm not trying to comfort you,â he eyes you with a teasing glint in his eyes and flashes a lopsided grin. He looked almost sweet as he did sly, the blend making your heart pick up in pace.Â
You squirm, mustering a tone of nonchalance. âI changed my mind. Iâm going back to my place.â
This time he chuckles, his eyes narrowing in amusement. âNuh uh. Itâs my job to wipe that frown off your face,â he says, the corny phrase making you roll your eyes. âCâmon, Iâll be good to you.â
You pretend to think, ignoring the attentive expression he wore. âFine. I guess Iâll let you take me home.â
âThatâs my girl,â he grinned, standing up to his full height. You beam at him, matching his steps as you two reach his door. By the time the two of you were settled at his place, you already spoke to your parents in privateâclearing up the misunderstandings like Satoru reminded you to do. You were glad you had him and even more glad that things were falling back to place.Â
Your eyes scan your surroundings, noticing how he mustâve tidied things up. âDid you clean your place?â
âHm?â He grabs two mugs from the cabinet. âOh yeah. I was going to have a party here.â
âToday?â
âThatâs right,â he drawls, glancing at you from the corner of his eyes. âI was going to call you to see if you wanted to go.â
âReally?â That was a shock to you. âAre you still gonna have one today?â
âNah. Canceled it last minute.â
You pause, raising your brows as you try not to jump to conclusions. âWhyâd you cancel it?â
âHad better things to do. I'd rather hang out with you anyways,â he says casually, smiling when he finds the packets of hot cocoa. âFound it!â
Did he cancel the party for me? You think to yourself, a bit surprised that you came to that conclusion; but if you were right and he did, you wouldnât know what to feel other than appreciation and maybe something else. Whether that was true or not, you know that you should be feeling guilt and not giddiness from having him prioritize you. Was it normal to feel this way for Satoru? Youâre about to let your thoughts fill your head but you feel your breath hitch at how he seems to lean closer to you.Â
His hands move you by the hips, the touch barely lasting five seconds. âSorry I gotta get the spoons,â he murmurs, paying no mind to how you hold your breath. Your eyes fall to his biceps, swallowing a gasp as you see how the black material of his shirt moved with every movement he makes. There was no way he was human when he looked like that.
Oh my god, you think to yourself, suddenly mortified at the fact that you were checking him out. What was wrong with you right now? You always knew Gojo was attractive but you didnât think he was this attractive. And if he had any idea of your internal conflict he didnât pay it any mind.Â
âCan you go get the movie ready for me?â
âUh huh,â you nod immediately, quickening your pace as you try to distract yourself. By the time he sits next to you, the blankets and snacks are already placed neatly on the living room table. You smile and mutter a thank you when he hands you the mug of hot cocoa.Â
âFeel better?â He asks, propping an arm on the head of the couch once youâre halfway through the movie: a random romcom you picked to cheer you up. Even as someone who claims heâd rather watch a movie with more action, you think the drama that comes with romcoms intrigues himâmuch more than heâd like to admit.Â
You take a sip of your drink, your eyes flitting to him. âMuch better.â
âI bet,â he murmurs, his eyes glancing at the way your knees touched. The scene panels to a teary confession the female lead does, the music dramatic with strings in the background. You watch intently, observing the expressions both characters make on screen.
âYâknow, I never understood how they can always come up with a speech like that on the spot,â Satoru comments, plopping a few gummy bears in his mouth. âIsnât that unrealistic?â
âItâs a movie,â you point out, watching as the male lead hung onto every word the female lead had to say. âItâs not supposed to be realistic.â
âI guess youâre right. But that stuff apparently happens in real life right?â
âWouldnât you know? You have people confessing to you all the time.â
âI donât give them much time to continue speaking,â he shrugs.Â
You donât like how uneasy you feel after he says that. âWell, maybe itâs love that makes this kind of stuff happen.â
This earns you an amused snicker. âOf course youâd say that. You gonna do that with Suguru? Confess to him from the bottom of your heart?â
You roll your eyes. âTo do that, Iâd have to be in love with him.â
âAre you?â
âNo,â you give him an incredulous look. âI hardly know the guy. I just really like him.â
He makes a sound of understanding but you feel as if youâre deluding yourself when you see the look of relief cross his face. You turn to him, the movie forgotten all of a sudden. âWould you do that?â
âWhat? Confess to Suguru with the bottom of my heart?âÂ
âYeah sure. Thatâs what I meant.â you huff, seeing his teasing grin form. You sigh. âNo likeâŚconfess to someone you love.â
Heâs quiet, the faraway look in his eyes confirming that heâs deep in thought. Youâre not sure why a pang of irritation hits you when you realize that there might be someone Satoruâs in love with. And youâre not sure if itâs because heâs not telling you or because you want to be that someone. You go with the former because youâre supposed to like Suguru.Â
His eyes wander to meet yours and the tick in his jaw makes you nervousâmakes your palms sweaty because heâs never looked at you like that. Youâre not even sure words could describe what emotion he had on his face. He smilesânot the smile thatâs crooked and boyish. Itâs the smile thatâs sharp and makes his eyes narrow. âI might.â
âYou might?â You ask, hating how breathless your voice sounded to your earsâsomething that he notices with the way amusement practically glimmers in his eyes. You swallow a gasp when his gaze falls to your lips, quickly flying back to your eyes.Â
âMaybe,â he whispers and you canât help but wet your lips, feeling faint when the bright blue of his eyes darkens to black. You donât flinch when his head tilts, his arm coming to the side to trap you between the couch. His cologne overwhelms you, makes you drunk on him. Heâs so close that you can feel his breath hit your face.Â
âSatoruââÂ
The sound of your phone buzzing crushes the tension quickly and you let him lean backâlooking as if he had more to say. You feel a smidge of disappointment as you grab your phone. âItâs Suguru,â you say and youâre not sure why your inner voice begs Satoru to tell you to ignore the phone callâto act like he cares more.Â
âShouldnât you answer it?â He questions and you hate that sinking feeling in your stomach when he doesnât even spare a glance at youâas if acting like he wasnât about to kiss you seconds ago. You can only frown, nodding as you watch him stand upâstill not offering you one single look. âIâll clean up.â
As you glance at your phone, at the name of Suguru appearing on your screen, you hope for the slightest bit of joyâthat lovesick feeling you get whenever youâd see him. Yet, it felt wrong. This felt wrong. And apparently, Suguru could tell from your voice that there was something bugging you.Â
âIs everything alright? You donât sound too good.â
Your eyes linger on Satoruâs figure moving to the kitchen. You think Suguru mentions something about a date but you donât pay much attention, not feeling all that bad as you drown out his voice. âYeah. Iâm fine. What were you saying?â
âI was asking if you wanted to go to dinner with me tomorrow. Iâll pick you up at 7 and we canââ
âSure,â you say, trying to ignore the way your body lurches at your responseâas if it didnât want this. âSure. Iâll see you at 7.â
You donât catch what he says when he hangs up, only thinking of how Satoru looked at you when he was leaning closer. The thought doesnât horrify you as much as it should but you think that if he had kissed you, you probably wouldâve kissed him back.Â
If someone told you a month ago that you were going on a date with Suguru, you wouldâve cried tears of joy and celebrated. But now, youâre almost undeniably feeling a wave of indifference hit you and it feels awful. Suguruâs perfectâhis sharp features and his charming smile thatâd send anyone into a frenzied mess. Or maybe most tend to fixate on how suave he is with his wordsâmixing the subtlest of flirtations with simple compliments.
Heâs everything you couldâve asked for. Yet, you find yourself missing the ruthless beauty you saw in Satoruâthe striking blue of his eyes and the rare color of his hair. You find yourself missing the rasp of his voice, how itâd soften that night when he comforted you; you find yourself missing his warm and strong embrace as he took care of you in your inebriated state; you find yourself missing how close he was that night on his couch and how he looked at you.Â
At some point, you found yourself replaying that scene over and over again. The first few times, you were giddy with hormones as you imagined him leaning closer and kissing you. After a while, you wanted the image gone because it didnât happen. He pulled away. He let you pick up the call from Suguru. He acted like nothing happened when in reality, a lot did happen. You two were finally breaching the line of friends and he knew that.Â
So why? That question plagued your mind for days after and every time you think you forgot about it, the memory of him would remind you all over again. And when he only congratulated you when you told him about your date with Suguru you felt betrayed. Why donât you care? You almost blurted out but technically he did care. After all, he was the one who was trying to set you guys up so why did you suddenly want to change your mind?
You think you might hate him a little for being so good at acting like everythingâs normal and you think you might hate more for making your heart beat so fast. Things werenât supposed to end up like this. You werenât supposed to imagine your best friend kissing you breathless or taking you on a date.Â
Everythingâs going to fall into place, you tell yourself. Youâve already dolled up and were in the middle of spraying your perfume when Getou messaged you that he was already here. Heâs relaxed in the car as you enter the car. This scene feels the same, you think to yourself, recalling the way Gojo greeted you the last time he picked you up.
âYouâre wearing the shirt you wore to the party,â Getou points out and you look down at your shirt, gaping at the revelation that youâre wearing the same top Gojo told you to wear. Even with the company of another man, your subconscious still wishes he was here.Â
âI didnât even notice,â you mumble, smiling at the brown-haired male as he drives. The small talk is all natural as you two make your way to the restaurant and youâre grateful that Suguruâs such an easy person to talk with. Heâs nice. Really nice and you feel almost guilty for not being as enthusiastic as you wanted to be.Â
Itâs only when youâre midway through the meal that he mentions it. âYouâre not here.â
âWhat?â
âHere,â he shrugs, glancing at you with an empty smile. âYouâre thinking about something else arenât you?â
âIâm notââ
âDonât worry Iâm not mad,â he says and you know heâs telling the truth. âIâm curious. What are you thinking about?â
This makes you squirm in discomfort, a bit uneasy at how perfectly he read you. Satoruâs always made comments about Getouâs intuitive feeling for emotions and youâre starting to think he wasnât exaggerating. âWhat if I donât wanna tell you?â You joke.
âThen youâd leave me to assume,â he answers easily, the corner of his lips curling upwards. âIâm not an idiot (Name). I know when a ladyâs thinking about someone else in my presence.â
When you try to protest, he only smiles. âIs it Satoru?â
Your silence is enough said. You want to deny himâwant to shake your head and utter a firm âno.â But something about the question makes you lose your sense of thought and Suguru understands that too. âAre you in love with him?â
This catches your attention. âNo. I like you not him.â
âArenât we well past the point of lying now?â He gives a good-natured chuckle. âIf you liked me then you wouldnât have looked at your phone so many times as if you were expecting a call.â
You widen your eyes. âIâm sorry I didnât mean toââ
âNah Iâm really not mad,â he sighs. âBut Iâm interested in why you didnât decline my offer for a date.â
Youâre silent for a while, musing over his words. âWhen you called me, Satoru and I were about to kiss. Or wellâat least I think we were about to kiss.
âSo whyâd you pick it up? I know Satoru enough to know that a call from me isnât enough to make him stop with whatever heâs doing,â he raises a brow and you catch a roll of his eyes as he remembers something.Â
âItâs because he was the one who was setting us up together.â
Suguru makes a sound of confusion, nodding at you to continue. You take a big breath. âI asked Satoru to help me get with you.â
Getou makes a âoâ with his mouth, nodding in consideration as he processes your words. His pity makes you feel small and youâre finally experiencing the impact tenfold. âOh (Name).â
âYeah,â you shrug. âSo now Iâm pretty sure I messed up the friendship because I was stupid and heâs never gonna like me backââ
âThatâs not true,â he stops you, taking a sip from his wine. âSatoruâs different around you.â
âWell thatâs because Iâve known him for a while now.â
âMaybe. But he doesnât go out of his way to help people like he does with you. Even an idiot could notice that.â
âThat doesnât mean he likes me backââ
âYou donât know that yet,â he retorts, that smile of his returning again. âJust like I didnât know you were in love with my best friend the entire time.â
You wince, swallowing as you peer up at him. You know he didnât intend for the comment to burn but a small part of you thinks he did it on purpose. The sight of you sulking brings a wider grin to play on his face. âRelax. Iâm only playing with you,â he pauses. âIâm a bit jealous that Satoru's got such a cute girl in love with him though.âÂ
His teasing makes you laugh. âWhat if he doesnât love her back?â
âThen heâd be an idiot,â he says, giving you a look as he asks for the bill. âIf he breaks your heart you know who to go to. Iâd be happy to have you for myself.â
You roll your eyes, smiling softly when he coyly smiles. Suguru was kind enough to offer to drop you off at your place but you told him you wanted to see Satoruâbringing a surprised look on the brown-haired maleâs face. Youâre not sure how apparent it was, but you reeked of anxiety and Suguru was quick to point it out.
âIâll wait for you,â he says nonchalantly, shooing you with his hand once you stare at him in bewilderment. âGo. Just do me a favor and message me when you guys are gonna get uh intimate.â
âWeâre notââ you click your tongue at his grin. You thank him, rushing to Satoruâs flatâthe sound of your heels clicking against the floor.Â
If you were in a movie, there would be dramatic music playing in the backgroundâperhaps orchestra or a sappy love song. The scene was so cliche but youâre understanding why the protagonists always ran: it was love. You were in love with Gojo Satoru.Â
You ring his doorbell, fixing your hair as you ready yourself to see himâmentally preparing the script of your confession. Please be home, please be home, pleaseâ
The door opens and a plethora of blue looks back at you, the surprise evident in them. You visibly brighten, smiling as you see him. âSatoru Iââ
âSatoru?â another voice says from behind himâthe voice evidently female. You freeze, feeling as if this image was in slow motion as you see a glimpse of a girl behind Satoru. Your eyes flit to both of them, the speech you prepared in your head drying up like a sore. âWhoâs this?â
You hate that you can only watch. âItâs just a friend. Why donât you go back inside for a bit, yeah?â
Sheâs so pretty, it hurts. There wasnât a speck of imperfection on her and the need to curl up in a ball never felt stronger. The girl nods at Satoru, glancing at you in curiosity as she leaves you two alone.Â
You think you might hate a little bit for looking at you in concern. âIs there something wrong? Are you okay? If somethingââ
âNo. Nothingâs wrong Iâm justââ you say, wishing your voice was louder at this moment. You avoid his eyes, fearing that youâd end up crying in front of him if you continued to stare at him. âI need to go.âÂ
âWhat? But you just got hereââ
âI donât know why I came here. This was a mistake and Iââ you sigh shakily, turning on your heel to leave.Â
Satoru grabs you by the wrist, his gaze soft as he shakes his head when he sees you try to pry his hand off of you. âJust tell me what I can doââ
âSuguruâs waiting for me,â you say quickly, ignoring the way his face drops. âHeâs outside right now.âÂ
You hold your breath the moment his hand slowly slips off your wrist, taking a few steps back as you make your way outside. Not once do you turn back as you try your best to hold the tears inâultimately failing as they fall as quickly as they appear.Â
By the time you reach Suguruâs car, your make-up is already ruined. At first, he snaps his head back at you with a smile, the curve of lips quickly disappearing as he sees your lip trembling. âNo?â
âNo,â you confirm, sitting back into the car and wiping your tears with a tissue he hands you. Thereâs no words spoken between you two as he starts the car, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. Ironically, you listen to the soundtrack of âThe Other Womanâ playing in his car and heâs quick to change the song. He clears his throat.
âI didnât think he was that stupid,â he says after some time, signaling right as he reaches the stop light.Â
âHe wasnât,â you murmur. âI was the stupid one for thinking that we could be more than friends.â
After the ordeal a couple nights ago, youâre not even ashamed that youâre blatantly avoiding Gojo like the plague. You even turned off your read receipts for him which you wouldâve found so petty if you didnât feel so frantic at the sound of his name. Originally, you thought heâd put up more of a fight and be more persistent in getting your attentionâonly you were proven wrong when you didnât see any of his attempts increasing.Â
Disappointed, you were caught in a dilemma. You wanted this distance but craved his presence. At some point, your thoughts ran dry and you were in a slump. Were you always this bad at making up your mind? Â
No. You werenât. You didnât think excessively hard when you decided you liked Getou and when you stopped liking him. Nor did you think super hard about your other crushes. Gojo made your brain hurt and if this was love, youâre not sure you really liked it; but it felt so nice to think about how it would feel to be loved by himâto have him kiss you.Â
Which is why you thought it was a great idea to avoid him because surely time makes the feelings fade. And you hope they fade fastâespecially after you saw him with that girl. You bite back your jealousy at the thought of what they did together. Today was supposed to be a mental health day. It was if fate allowed you to have little to nothing to do and you were going to take advantage of it.Â
The coffee house was ambient with the occasional loud laughter from groups of friends. You were halfway through your book, taking a sip from your drink as you flipped the pages. This was what you were meant for: reading novels in a cafe, keeping a low profile, and protecting your peace.Â
Youâre about midway through the big plot twist until you hear the sound of a chair scraping and your heart freezes in your chest when you see Gojo stare back at you. Only this time, he looks serious and even annoyed.Â
âI knew Iâd find you here,â he begins, tapping his finger nails on the wooden table. You donât miss the way a few people take a few double-takes when they walk past him. So much for keeping a low profile.Â
âGojo,â you acknowledge him awkwardly, fidgeting with the pages of your book.
Your stomach does a flip when his jaw twitches and his eyes cross your face. He sighs, leaning back and adjusting his seating position. âAre you mad at me?â
âWhy would I be mad at you?â
âYou literally just called me Gojo,â he said and if you were more rational, you wouldâve laughed at how childish he sounded over you not using his first name.Â
âA lot of people call you Gojo,â you point out, still not meeting his eyes.Â
âYouâre not just âa lot of people.â And you always call me Satoru,â he murmurs.Â
You tense up. There he goes again: treating you like youâre special. It makes you confused and makes your heartbeat skip. You clear your throat. âIâm not mad at you.â
âThen why are you avoiding me?â He says, a bit loudly at that. It was unlike Gojo to attract attention to personal matters in public and the guilt hits you. You were so caught up in your own feelings that you completely ignored how he wouldâve felt. Even if he only thought of you as a friend, anyone wouldâve felt mad if put in the situation you put Gojo in.Â
You glance at the curious gazes in the cafe, grabbing him by the hand as you pull him outside to a secluded area. You quickly drop his hand, a bit surprised that he let you even hold it. âWhat are you talking about?â You ask, not sure why youâre playing dumb.Â
âYouâre avoiding me,â he says, staring down at you. Sometimes, you forget how tall Satoru really is and how his gaze can make anyone feel small. âDid I do something to make you mad?â
You think back to him and the girl. âNo you didnât do anything.â
âThen what the hell is it?â He says, sounding more mad than you initially thought. His eyes scan over your faceâobserving your pursed lips and aversion from his eyes. He clicks his tongue. âIs this about the other night?â
You really wish you didnât snap your head so fast to meet his eyes. The other night couldâve meant many things but you knew he was referring to a specific one. âNo,â you say and you already know he doesnât believe you.Â
â(Name),â he says softly. âWere you jealous?â Hearing him saying it out loud makes you cringe. You shake your head adamantly, trying to muster up the courage to not break eye-contact with him. You wonder if he could hear how loud your heartbeat was. âIâm not jealous. Why would I be jealous?â
âYou tell me,â he voices in that tone that tells you that heâs already figured it out. For all the years youâve known Gojo, youâve become well-acquainted with his habits and his mannerisms. And you knew him well enough to realize that he wasnât going to stop with the questions until you told him the truth.Â
He always did this. Always made sure to pummel the truth out of you and it didnât matter how dirty he played. âThen why did you go to me in the first place? Didnât you have Suguru outside waiting for you?â
âIââ
âWhat was so important about what you wanted to tell me that you left Suguru waiting for you? What was it and why are you so scared that youâre avoiding me?â
âItâs because I like you!â You finally say, knowing that he bested you in this game of his. The regret hits you so hard you feel like running away again. Only this, he doesnât let you when he pulls you by the shoulder.Â
âWhat?â He says breathlessly, his eyes wide with wonder. Itâs over, you think to yourself. Heâs going to hate you after this because you ruined the friendship.Â
âI avoided you because I like you,â you admit quietly. âAnd because I saw you with that girl the other night.â
â(Name)...âÂ
âStop,â you murmur, feeling the tears form. âStop. I already know what youâre gonna say, okay? It doesnât matter anymore.â
You shrug him off, wiping your tears with your sleeve. The plans for âprotecting your peaceâ almost seemed silly now because you couldnât rewind time and undo all of this. You donât bother saying goodbye to Gojo as you take your chances in leaving. And you desperately wonder how you were going to move on from this.Â
Gojo thinks heâs in a fever dream. Your confession stunned him into oblivion and if it werenât for your tears, he thinks he mightâve stayed in one spot for hours on end. The night you came over, Gojo already had enough on his mind. Seeing you in the flesh made him lose the logical side of his brain and his mind just replayed that night you two nearly kissed.Â
He remembered being able to taste how nervous you wereâhow you found purchase on his shoulders as he tried his hardest not to pin you to the couch and kiss you stupid. He remembered how soft you were and how that thought would torture him for days on.Â
Gojo knew what he did after was an asshole move but he thought the phone call from Suguru served as a reminder that he couldnât have you. You two were best friends and to ruin that because he wanted you was selfish of him. He was already selfish enough to want to keep you for himself but you wanted Suguru.Â
Thatâs why when you came to his place, he was confused. Gojo did something stupid and didnât want the thoughts of you to keep popping up. He recalled dialing the number of some girl he stopped talking to ages ago just to not have you occupy his mind.Â
When he saw your brows furrow at the sight of her, he was surprised to say the least. He ruled out the possibility of jealousy early on and just kept it as that. But now, on this chilly afternoon and in some secluded corner, you were confessing to him.Â
You like him. You like him back. Sure, you didnât love him like he loves you (or at least he thinks so) but that's besides the point. He collects himself the moment he sees the tears forming in your eyes, panic coursing through him.Â
Did his silence make you misunderstand? Did you know that he was ready to scream and tell the whole world that he finally got the girl of his dreams? How he was prepared to pull you into a crushing hug and hold you like he had heaven in his arms?Â
He forgot you werenât a mind reader and it dawned on him that he caused your tears. He doesnât want to be the guy who lets misunderstandings marinate nor does he want to be the cause of your fallout. He was going to fix this.Â
If you thought he was going to let you go that easily then you severely underestimate him. Because Gojo Satoru was willing to fight for your love.
You think youâre in some sappy k-drama when he grabs you by the wrist the second time. If you werenât crying your eyes out, you wouldâve laughed at him and he wouldâve laughed with you. But thereâs only a wave of frustration when he doesnât let go. âSatoru let me goââ
âNo,â he says with a deadpan and you almost think he sounds desperate. Youâre about to say something but he only steps closer. âYou canât run away like you did before. Thatâs the easy way outââ
âIâm notââ
âYou are,â he interrupts. âAnd Iâm not gonna let you because youâre gonna listen to what I have to say.â
Youâre almost reluctant to stay silent but you give in when he squeezes your wristâas if begging you to stay. You sigh. âFine.â
âGood,â he whispers, racking his brain for what to say. He takes a deep breath. âA while back, I said I didnât understand how the characters from romance movies always knew what to say in moments like these. You know those super long speeches? It seemed unrealistic to me but I think I understand now.â
You let him continue, clinging onto every word that falls from his lips. âItâs so easy to say stuff like this. When youâre in love with someone, you notice the little things about them. I noticed you and you were the only thing on my mind. You still are the only thing on my mind. Do you get what I mean?â
You watch in awe as he continues, stuttering over some of his words which was so rare for him. âThe night you told me you liked Suguru I was so annoyed. Iâve never gotten jealous of Suguru or anyone but I wanted to be the one that you liked. I wanted to be the one that you dressed up for and the one you smiled at. It drove me insane when you went on a date with him and I hate that I didnât just say fuck it and steal you away sooner.â
He takes a chance to catch his breath, ruffling his hair as he finally flashes you a crooked grinâa mix of embarrassed and boyish. âThat girl you saw me withâŚI never did anything with her,â he admits and you think you might fall over from shock. âI couldnât. I just kept thinking about you and I wanted you on my mind all the time. I didnât want to think about anyone else and didnât want anyone to take your placeââ
âWhat Iâm trying to say is that Iâm in love with you,â he finally says. âI already said that earlier but I want to say it again. I think Iâve always loved youâeven when we were kids. I think little kid me always wanted your attention. I just never knew what I felt until I realized that you werenât mineânot mine to love. And I donât think thereâs nothing in the world that I want more than you.â
At this point, your mouth is already ready to catch flies as you listen to his ramblings about his affections. You think you might cry. Gojoâs usually not good with words but you can tell how genuine he isâhow much he meant this. âThen all those times you helped me with Suguru?â
âI hated doing that,â he huffs. âI swear I was about to punch Suguru every time he called you cute.â
You laugh, feeling jittery all over. âWould you?â
âIâm a bit worried that you like that idea a bit too much.â
You grin, shrugging. âMaybe a little. I guess I should tell you that I really wanted you to kiss me when we were on the couch.â
âYou did?â He practically beams, cupping your face with his hand. You feel your stomach do twists when his thumb grazes the skin of your cheek softly, as if this was always normal.Â
âAnd I should probably tell you that I love you too,â you say firmly, gaining a rush of confidence. âAnd you should probably kiss me right now.â
The smile on his face might just be the prettiest thing youâve seen in the world. He leans in, cupping your face as he presses his lips against yours. The way he holds you makes you feel safe and you think you might love him a little more when he moves his hand to your neck.Â
You break the kiss. âDoes this mean weâre dating now?â
He laughs. âDo I need to kiss you again for you to say yes?âÂ
When you nod, he pulls you in again and again. And if this was his way of asking, youâd say yes each time.Â
love and hate
tw: teenage gojo is unhinged & doesn't understand his own feelings, honestly unintentional but yandere(?) gojo
Gojo Satoru hated you.Â
He loathed you. How prudish you were when it came to missions. How you'd look when you were scolding him about his âdisregardâ for the weak--and how your eyes would narrow at him in disdain, your lips curling up into an ugly snarl.
He detested your very being itself, your little habits--what essentially made you, you. Like the way your self-righteousness would near the edge of stubbornness. The way you tilted your head in intrigue whenever something caught your attention. The way your expression would morph into hideous concern whenever you listened to somebodyâs problems. The way your eyes lit up whenever you were overjoyed. The way youâd fold your hands over your lap. The way you sat. The way you talked. The way you styled your hair. The way you smelled--addicting to the point it made him recoil yet lurch for more.
The way you just existed. Silently. Unbothered.Â
He despised you to the point of wanting to cut you open so he could see if there was anything more to hate. He wanted selfishly to see your eyes tear up in anger and hear you curse at him, just so he can see the many other faces youâd make for him. He wanted desperately to make you feel, understand, this intense hatred he felt for you.Â
And most of all, he cursed you for what you did to him--ravaging his mind night and day. As much as he wanted to see your face swell up as you cried he wanted to see your eyes crinkle once you smiled. He needed you to say his name over and over again--until your vocal cords would turn red with exhaustion. He wished for the feeling of your palm touching his--or maybe heâd even feel the warmth of your body against his. He yearned to sink his teeth into your neck so he could feel you writhe in his arms. He craved your lips as much as Tantalus craved water--out of reach but at the tip of his fingers.Â
Gojo Satoru hated you. He hated you because you were just too easy to love.Â
rings (gojo x wife! reader)
in which you want your arranged husband to finally give you a ring
warnings: arranged marriage au (part of the gojo's wife series), gojo calls you his wife, suggestive bc gojo is a menace, reader lowkey downbad, i'm back after 4(?) months oops & lmk if iâm missing anyone for the tag list
Thereâs a gentle breeze that escapes from the open windows of the cafe you sit in, the quiet chatter blending in with the bossa nova jazz that plays from the speakers. Only a few people reside in the buildingâsome of which include students, friend groups, or strangers just hoping for a nice cup of coffee.Â
Your eyes flit to Utahime using a straw to make circles in her drink. She was the one who recommended this cafe, referring to it as an âundergroundâ locationâa phrase that you wouldâve not expected her to use. Correctly at that.Â
âHow are you doing with that idiot,â your other friend, Shoko asks. âDo you guys still sleep in separate rooms?â
You watch her reach for a cigarette and frown, your hand slapping hers lightly. âThere's a âno smoking policyâ here. And to answer your question, no weâre not. Weâve been sleeping in the same room for a little over a month now.â
âOn the same bed?â
âYes?â
âAnd thatâs it?â She drawls, arching an elegant brow as she puts her box of cigarettes awayâtaking another sip of her black coffee. âNothing else? You know, like clothes gone, french kissingââ
âYes thatâs it! Keep it down here,â you hiss, shooting another glare at Utahime who stifles a laugh by pretending to drink her tea.
Shoko rolls her eyes, taking another sip of her coffeeâthis time narrowing her eyes at you. âSo why are you sulking?â
âIâm not sulking.â
âYes you are,â she retorts and you frown when you hear Utahime agree. Theyâve always been so sharp. âSomethingâs bothering you so tell us.â
You purse your lips, gripping your cup a bit tighter as you heave a sigh. Youâre avoiding their gazes, biting the inside of your cheek. âItâs stupid.â
âWeâre not gonna judge you,â Utahime gives you a reassuring smile, nudging Shoko who tries to take out her cigarette box again.
âOkay,â you start. âSomething feels like itâs missing. Not that itâs âToruââ
âYou call him âToru?â Shoko laughs quietly, rolling her eyes when you narrow your eyes at her. She sighs. âContinue.â
âThere's nothing wrong with âToru and I feel like Iâm expecting something from him. Weâre making progress with the whole husband and wife thing but I guess I just want,â you pause. âI guess Iâm just wondering when heâs gonna give me a ringâŚâ
They both blink at you, with Utahime making a sound with her throat. âThereâs no way that idiotâs that stupid.â
âBut that makes sense. The wedding just happened on paper since the elders wanted Gojo to get married quickly,â Shoko adds. âSo? What are you gonna do? Drop hints?â
âThatâs not really my way of doing thingsâŚâ
Shoko rolls her eyes for the nth time, frowning at the lack of coffee in her cup. âThings would be a lot easier between you two if you just communicated,â she says, holding a hand up when youâre about to respond. âBut I say give him some time. Gojo might be a lot sharper than he lets on.â
You replay your friendâs words in your head as you dice the carrots mindlesslyâthrowing them in a bowl with chopped up potatoes. Ever since Gojo told you that he hardly has any time to cook with the sudden rise of curses, youâve been wanting to surprise him with a home cooked meal: curry rice. After all, you were finally granted some leisure time after a mission so you were more than happy to set up a surprise.
Not that it was much of a surprise since he was home earlier than usualânot that you were mad since it was rare for him to arrive home just a little after you did. You perk up, catching a glimpse of his boyish grin that seems to spread across his face. âOh? Whatâs this?â
You clear your throat, feeling a bit bashful at how pretty his smile was. âIâm making dinner for us since we havenât been able to have a home cooked meal in a while.â
âWell, aren't I a lucky guy?â He ruffles your hair as if it were a habit of his, his eyes as soft as his voice the moment he leans down. âYou mind if I take a shower first? I promise itâll be quick.â
âYour showerâs are never quick,â you comment, giggling at how he acts as if heâs been caught. As he leaves, you feel yourself getting giddy at how wide his grin had been when he saw you. You wonder if he always looked at you like that and you have to mentally calm yourself down by reminding yourself to not get too excited.Â
By the time you set the plates down, you already hear the padding of his feet against the marble floor. Heâs dressed comfortably in a pair of sweats and a pullover, sitting in front of you. He smiles again, murmuring a low âhelloâ as if somewhat shy.Â
You smile in return, observing him as he takes a bite of the food you made. Your heart stops for a few seconds, gauging his expression for any sign of disgustâfeeling it explode in your chest when he eats it like a starved man. âIs it good?âÂ
âSo good,â he answers without hesitation, flashing another grin at youâthe same grin that makes you feel warm inside. âMy wifeâs so talented.â
âItâs just curry rice,â you respond, feeling a bit sheepish at how easily he sings praises to you. You realize youâve been watching him eat for a little over than a minute, your hands reaching to the utensils to try your own food.Â
The conversation takes off naturally. Heâs asking about your day at work and you do the same; he teases you and you shoot another remark at him. Itâs all good-natured until he pauses, looking a little hesitant. âListen (Name),â his voice is lower, nervous. âI know I should've done this before but it really didnât cross my mindâŚâ
Your reaction is instantaneous as much as you try to hide it. The ring. Was he going to give you one? Your eyes flit to his furrowed brows and the way he pokes the inside of his cheek. If heâs this nervous, then it should be pertaining to a ring right? Youâre already answering before he can finish. âYes.â
He blinks, peering directly at you. âReally?â
âReally,â you nod, your smile wide as you lean a bit closer to the table.Â
He breaks out in a large smile, breathing a sigh of relief. âWow I didnât know you liked Netflix so much.â
All of a sudden, the delusions youâve been building up topple like dominos. Your voiceâs stuck in your throat as a wave of bemusement hits you. âHuh?â
âI was gonna give you my Netflix account! I completely forgot to give you it for a while and the kids have been on my ass about it.â
âY-Your Netflix account?â You murmur in disbelief, wondering if sharing a Netflix account was a golden rule couples had to obey.Â
It was Gojoâs turn to be confused, his pretty blues blinking at you. âThatâs what weâre talking about right?â
Disappointment drenches you from top to bottom but you quickly mask it with an easy going smile. âYeah! I love NetflixâŚâ
You breathe a sigh of relief, mentally applauding yourself for not mentioning anything about a ring. You take another bite of your food, not noticing the way Gojo looks at youâgulping as if hiding a secret of his own.Â
âI want to give you something,â your husbandâs voice is gentle, velvety as he pulls you towards the couch.Â
He smells good, you think to yourselfâearthy and fresh. Itâs faint yet itâs enough to make you dizzy. âSomething?â
âThatâs right,â he coos, grinning down at you from the couch. Again, you have that undeniable feeling of hope choking you, trying your hardest not to show your excitement as he reaches in his pocket.
Yet, instead of a small, round object, youâre faced with a card. A black card. Not a ring. Your lips part in shock as the initial disappointment becomes surprise. âI canât take this!âÂ
Youâre left with more disbelief at how his expression seems to fall dramatically. âWhy notâŚ?â
âBecause I just canât!âÂ
âBut youâre my wife and I wanna spoil you,â he tries to reason and you have to try not to swoon how he calls you his wife even though you already know it. You clear your throat, shaking your head rapidly.Â
âI canât âToruââ
âYes you can,â he huffs, his lips falling into a pout that you wouldâve found funny if he didnât just hand you his card. âTrust me on this one. Youâll make me happy if you use it. So treat yourself, alright?â
You frown, murmuring another protest and stopping when he glances at you from under his shades, his lips curling into a coy smile once he sees the guilt in your eyesâhis mind piecing things together. âArenât you a sweetheart?â He ruffles your hair once more, making your heart do another jump. âJust take it. Please?â
You think heâs doing it on purposeâthe way he looks at you as if youâre a diamond among rocks. Itâs hard not to say no when someone looks at you like thatâharder when itâs Gojo. You sigh. âFine. But Iâm not gonna use it often.â
He grins that smile you like again, his thumb grazing your jaw. âThatâs my girl.â
You avert your eyes at his binding smile, ignore how he seems to enjoy teasing you a bit too much. You sigh, ignoring the way your heart flutters all over again. And with the way he watches you, you think his stomachâs doing somersaults as well
Itâs early in the morning, dark in the room you share with Gojoâthe sun barely awake just as you were. Thereâs the sound of quiet shuffling, the spot next to your empty. It must be one of those missions, you think to yourself.
You hear him murmur a low curse at the sound of something dropping, feeling amusement at how he tries to quietly put the item back in its original place. You think of falling asleep again but your gut tells you to stay awake, still listening to his quiet pacing.Â
You feel how the mattress slightly dips, his cologne filling your sensesâluring you to sleep. Out of sheer willpower, you try not to react as his fingers reach down to graze your cheekâtry not to open your eyes to see what kind of expression he wore. You wonder if he did this every time he had a mission so early in the morning, feeling an unfamiliar feeling tug at your heart.Â
His voice is barely above a whisper as he leans down. âIâll be back home by dinner today. I promise.â
Part of you debates on falling asleep and it wins, until you feel him shuffle a bit closer. And just like that, you feel cold metal slip on your fingerâyour ring finger. The material fits perfectly around your finger and your hand twitches as you hear him stand up to leave.Â
It hits you a bit later than youâd expect and you wouldâve never thought realization would sound like the front door opening. You scramble out of bed, tripping on the blankets as you smile so hard it hurts.Â
âToru?! Wait! Don't leave yet! Toru come back!âÂ
And like you hoped, he looks back, the metal of a ring similar to yours greets you.
tags:
@maliamaiden, @dookiemeshibear, @icarusignite, @padsgrlly, @katiaesmeralda, @mooncleaver, @jcrml, @istanuwow, @stilinskispjo, @hjjjbb, @delulusuga, @hellogoog, @scrumdillyyumyumpurr, @wordskeeper, @rampagingroses, @demiwizardvampire145, @haikyuusimpsblog, @esmeensheep, @msunknown911, @saebeary, @mysuperrainbow, @scarletevening, @tedbunny333, @tulips-ss, @primapoppy, @realboysrdumb, @ems-tumbo, @a-cloudy-dreamy-day, @evalynanne, @kaiisers, @trisisbasic, @luna0713hunter, @arisucat, @honili, @dovahkiinsbitch, @porridgesblog, @siennahsteaparty, @dee-dreams-and-stuff, @satoruskitchenrag, @moonmalice, @junglewoos, @thisbicc, @heartsoji, @mysticmyth, @phoenixforgotten, @sillygoosegoose, @the-mad-hatress, @kairuthewriter, @batmansleftfoot
better than me?
Gojo comes home to find you fangirling over a book character named Aaron Warner
warnings: uni! au, reader is called pretty girl, fluff, idiots in love, idk what this even is
Unread messages. One Five missed calls. No good morning or good night texts.
As of late, Satoru thinks youâve been distant towards himâghosting him while he was suffering on a trip his parents forced him to go to. It gets to the point where he thinks he did something to upset you and before he can drive himself mad with far-fetched possibilities, he thinks he should check up on you.
âHoney Iâm back!â He bellows out, discarding his shoes to the side of his apartment that you practically live in now. His brows furrow at the lack of response, a bit disappointed at the fact that you couldâve been out.Â
Itâs only when he catches a whiff of your shampoo and perfume that he allows himself to grin. His place was already overtaken by your presence: the scent of vanilla, the sweaters you leave neatly folded on the couch whenever it got too hot, the extra toothbrush in his bathroom. He missed you.Â
He rushes to the living room, his entrance dramatic as his words. âThere you are! Why werenât you there to greet me at the door? Do you not love me anymore?â
âOh âToru,â You mumbled absentmindedly and it only took him a while to catch sight of the book in your handsâconsidering the fact his eyes landed on your (his) hoodie you wore. âYouâre back. How was your trip?âÂ
He frowns, his lips parting to release a sigh. âThatâs it?â
His heart does something funny when you finally look up at him, tilting your head in genuine confusion. âHm?â
âThatâs all you have to say?â
âWait one sec let me finish this chapter first, Satoru.â
Itâs âToru, 'he wants to say but settles on walking to where you sit, his eyes landing on the stack of books on the tableâmost of which seem to be of the romance genre. Thereâs a colorful display of sticky tabs decorating the pages of the book and a pen you keep close to you. He leans down to squat, his fingers playing with the book tabsâhis mind wandering to the time you mentioned reading to him. âI thought you were reading literature. Like Shakespeare or I donât know! Not sappy books about love.â
âSappy books about love is literature. And who reads Shakespeare for fun?â
âLike I would know,â he mutters, standing up to walk behind the couch where he can get a peek of the pagesâan offended laugh escaping his lips the moment he sees what scene you were reading so seriously. He easily steals the book out of your hands, ignoring your protests. âSo Aaron Warner huh?â
âI was reading that!â
âBaby I canât believe you were ignoring my messages for this,â he clicks his tongue. âThis is worse than catching you make out with another man.â
âOkay thatâs a bit of a stretch and besides, you go on trips all the time. Also, who would I even make out with?â
âAaron Warner!â
You roll your eyes. âSatoru, heâs literally words on paper.â
He narrows his eyes at you and for a moment, you think heâs going to stop. Yet, he continues to observe the stack of books on the table all over again. âSo thatâs what my money goes towards? Books about other menââ
âHey! I bought these books with my own money!â
âOh,â he huffs, suddenly looking insulted. âSo you donât spend my money?â
Your lips release an annoyed groan and you roll your eyes for the nth timeâwondering how his mood was all over the place. âYouâve got to be kidding me.âÂ
âWhy do you need to read about Aaron Warner when you have me?â He says, climbing over the couch to sit next to you. You donât object when he easily props you on his lap and discards the book to the sideâhis glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose. Your heart clenches at the feeling of his hands gripping your hips as if it were second nature to himâhow he looked at you like he had the world on his lap.Â
You clear your throat, not able to resist the urge to tease him. âYou know. I wish I had a strong, handsome man holding me right now.â
âWhat? Like Aaron Warner?â
âThatâd be great actuallyââ Your words die on your lips as he begins his assault of kisses on your faceâpeppering them along your jaw and neck. Gojo canât help but smile against your neck at the sound of your surprised laughter, his head coming up so he can flash you a boyish grin.Â
âStill think heâs better than me sweetheart?â
âYouâre jealous of literal words on paper!â You try to retort, your lips a bit swollen and your hair fairly all over the place. He canât help but press another wet kiss to your cheek, laughing at your sound of disgust.
âSo what if Iâm jealous? My girlâs not paying attention to me squealing overââ
âI was not squealingâ!â
â--Squealing over a book character,â he finishes, taking his hands off your hips to cross them.
You frown, heaving a sigh at the sight of himâa bit affected by the loss of warmth his hands provided. You open your arms, looking at him expectedly. âFine. Iâm sorry I didnât respond to your messages or calls while you were on your trip, in your billion dollar vacation house by the way.â
He only huffs at your sarcasm but you donât miss the way his lips twitch in amusement. âAnd?â
âAnd,â you roll your eyes again. âIâm sorry I said Aaron Warner was better than you. So you can please just hold me again?â
Your boyfriend watches you carefully, pretending to sulk at the sight of your teasing smile. Youâre cold to the touchâyour hands and feet always contrasting the warmth of his own. You still smell like yourself but he likes how he can catch a whiff of the body wash he uses on you. I miss you, is what his hug says.Â
His arms easily flip you on your back as he presses his weight over you, his grin wide and lovesick. âYou know what? I think I might read the book myself to see whatâs so special about this Aaron guy.â
You laugh. âAre you being for real?â
âFor real, real, pretty girl.â
Bonus:
Itâs been a week since Satoruâs returned from his trip and youâre starting to think he likes the books a bit too much. And youâre still convinced heâs not over your petty argument about Aaron Warnerâseeing as he rushes to you on a peaceful evening.Â
âYou wanna know something sweetheart?â
âWhat is it now âToru,â you groan, having just woken up from your nap.Â
âAaron Warnerâs only 5â9.â
âWhat about it?â
âIâm 6â3.â
â...âÂ
â...â
âIs that all you wanted to tell me?â
âAdd that onto the list âWhy Toru is better than Aaron Warner.â
rings (gojo x wife! reader)
in which you want your arranged husband to finally give you a ring
warnings: arranged marriage au (part of the gojo's wife series), gojo calls you his wife, suggestive bc gojo is a menace, reader lowkey downbad, i'm back after 4(?) months oops & lmk if iâm missing anyone for the tag list
Thereâs a gentle breeze that escapes from the open windows of the cafe you sit in, the quiet chatter blending in with the bossa nova jazz that plays from the speakers. Only a few people reside in the buildingâsome of which include students, friend groups, or strangers just hoping for a nice cup of coffee.Â
Your eyes flit to Utahime using a straw to make circles in her drink. She was the one who recommended this cafe, referring to it as an âundergroundâ locationâa phrase that you wouldâve not expected her to use. Correctly at that.Â
âHow are you doing with that idiot,â your other friend, Shoko asks. âDo you guys still sleep in separate rooms?â
You watch her reach for a cigarette and frown, your hand slapping hers lightly. âThere's a âno smoking policyâ here. And to answer your question, no weâre not. Weâve been sleeping in the same room for a little over a month now.â
âOn the same bed?â
âYes?â
âAnd thatâs it?â She drawls, arching an elegant brow as she puts her box of cigarettes awayâtaking another sip of her black coffee. âNothing else? You know, like clothes gone, french kissingââ
âYes thatâs it! Keep it down here,â you hiss, shooting another glare at Utahime who stifles a laugh by pretending to drink her tea.
Shoko rolls her eyes, taking another sip of her coffeeâthis time narrowing her eyes at you. âSo why are you sulking?â
âIâm not sulking.â
âYes you are,â she retorts and you frown when you hear Utahime agree. Theyâve always been so sharp. âSomethingâs bothering you so tell us.â
You purse your lips, gripping your cup a bit tighter as you heave a sigh. Youâre avoiding their gazes, biting the inside of your cheek. âItâs stupid.â
âWeâre not gonna judge you,â Utahime gives you a reassuring smile, nudging Shoko who tries to take out her cigarette box again.
âOkay,â you start. âSomething feels like itâs missing. Not that itâs âToruââ
âYou call him âToru?â Shoko laughs quietly, rolling her eyes when you narrow your eyes at her. She sighs. âContinue.â
âThere's nothing wrong with âToru and I feel like Iâm expecting something from him. Weâre making progress with the whole husband and wife thing but I guess I just want,â you pause. âI guess Iâm just wondering when heâs gonna give me a ringâŚâ
They both blink at you, with Utahime making a sound with her throat. âThereâs no way that idiotâs that stupid.â
âBut that makes sense. The wedding just happened on paper since the elders wanted Gojo to get married quickly,â Shoko adds. âSo? What are you gonna do? Drop hints?â
âThatâs not really my way of doing thingsâŚâ
Shoko rolls her eyes for the nth time, frowning at the lack of coffee in her cup. âThings would be a lot easier between you two if you just communicated,â she says, holding a hand up when youâre about to respond. âBut I say give him some time. Gojo might be a lot sharper than he lets on.â
You replay your friendâs words in your head as you dice the carrots mindlesslyâthrowing them in a bowl with chopped up potatoes. Ever since Gojo told you that he hardly has any time to cook with the sudden rise of curses, youâve been wanting to surprise him with a home cooked meal: curry rice. After all, you were finally granted some leisure time after a mission so you were more than happy to set up a surprise.
Not that it was much of a surprise since he was home earlier than usualânot that you were mad since it was rare for him to arrive home just a little after you did. You perk up, catching a glimpse of his boyish grin that seems to spread across his face. âOh? Whatâs this?â
You clear your throat, feeling a bit bashful at how pretty his smile was. âIâm making dinner for us since we havenât been able to have a home cooked meal in a while.â
âWell, aren't I a lucky guy?â He ruffles your hair as if it were a habit of his, his eyes as soft as his voice the moment he leans down. âYou mind if I take a shower first? I promise itâll be quick.â
âYour showerâs are never quick,â you comment, giggling at how he acts as if heâs been caught. As he leaves, you feel yourself getting giddy at how wide his grin had been when he saw you. You wonder if he always looked at you like that and you have to mentally calm yourself down by reminding yourself to not get too excited.Â
By the time you set the plates down, you already hear the padding of his feet against the marble floor. Heâs dressed comfortably in a pair of sweats and a pullover, sitting in front of you. He smiles again, murmuring a low âhelloâ as if somewhat shy.Â
You smile in return, observing him as he takes a bite of the food you made. Your heart stops for a few seconds, gauging his expression for any sign of disgustâfeeling it explode in your chest when he eats it like a starved man. âIs it good?âÂ
âSo good,â he answers without hesitation, flashing another grin at youâthe same grin that makes you feel warm inside. âMy wifeâs so talented.â
âItâs just curry rice,â you respond, feeling a bit sheepish at how easily he sings praises to you. You realize youâve been watching him eat for a little over than a minute, your hands reaching to the utensils to try your own food.Â
The conversation takes off naturally. Heâs asking about your day at work and you do the same; he teases you and you shoot another remark at him. Itâs all good-natured until he pauses, looking a little hesitant. âListen (Name),â his voice is lower, nervous. âI know I should've done this before but it really didnât cross my mindâŚâ
Your reaction is instantaneous as much as you try to hide it. The ring. Was he going to give you one? Your eyes flit to his furrowed brows and the way he pokes the inside of his cheek. If heâs this nervous, then it should be pertaining to a ring right? Youâre already answering before he can finish. âYes.â
He blinks, peering directly at you. âReally?â
âReally,â you nod, your smile wide as you lean a bit closer to the table.Â
He breaks out in a large smile, breathing a sigh of relief. âWow I didnât know you liked Netflix so much.â
All of a sudden, the delusions youâve been building up topple like dominos. Your voiceâs stuck in your throat as a wave of bemusement hits you. âHuh?â
âI was gonna give you my Netflix account! I completely forgot to give you it for a while and the kids have been on my ass about it.â
âY-Your Netflix account?â You murmur in disbelief, wondering if sharing a Netflix account was a golden rule couples had to obey.Â
It was Gojoâs turn to be confused, his pretty blues blinking at you. âThatâs what weâre talking about right?â
Disappointment drenches you from top to bottom but you quickly mask it with an easy going smile. âYeah! I love NetflixâŚâ
You breathe a sigh of relief, mentally applauding yourself for not mentioning anything about a ring. You take another bite of your food, not noticing the way Gojo looks at youâgulping as if hiding a secret of his own.Â
âI want to give you something,â your husbandâs voice is gentle, velvety as he pulls you towards the couch.Â
He smells good, you think to yourselfâearthy and fresh. Itâs faint yet itâs enough to make you dizzy. âSomething?â
âThatâs right,â he coos, grinning down at you from the couch. Again, you have that undeniable feeling of hope choking you, trying your hardest not to show your excitement as he reaches in his pocket.
Yet, instead of a small, round object, youâre faced with a card. A black card. Not a ring. Your lips part in shock as the initial disappointment becomes surprise. âI canât take this!âÂ
Youâre left with more disbelief at how his expression seems to fall dramatically. âWhy notâŚ?â
âBecause I just canât!âÂ
âBut youâre my wife and I wanna spoil you,â he tries to reason and you have to try not to swoon how he calls you his wife even though you already know it. You clear your throat, shaking your head rapidly.Â
âI canât âToruââ
âYes you can,â he huffs, his lips falling into a pout that you wouldâve found funny if he didnât just hand you his card. âTrust me on this one. Youâll make me happy if you use it. So treat yourself, alright?â
You frown, murmuring another protest and stopping when he glances at you from under his shades, his lips curling into a coy smile once he sees the guilt in your eyesâhis mind piecing things together. âArenât you a sweetheart?â He ruffles your hair once more, making your heart do another jump. âJust take it. Please?â
You think heâs doing it on purposeâthe way he looks at you as if youâre a diamond among rocks. Itâs hard not to say no when someone looks at you like thatâharder when itâs Gojo. You sigh. âFine. But Iâm not gonna use it often.â
He grins that smile you like again, his thumb grazing your jaw. âThatâs my girl.â
You avert your eyes at his binding smile, ignore how he seems to enjoy teasing you a bit too much. You sigh, ignoring the way your heart flutters all over again. And with the way he watches you, you think his stomachâs doing somersaults as well
Itâs early in the morning, dark in the room you share with Gojoâthe sun barely awake just as you were. Thereâs the sound of quiet shuffling, the spot next to your empty. It must be one of those missions, you think to yourself.
You hear him murmur a low curse at the sound of something dropping, feeling amusement at how he tries to quietly put the item back in its original place. You think of falling asleep again but your gut tells you to stay awake, still listening to his quiet pacing.Â
You feel how the mattress slightly dips, his cologne filling your sensesâluring you to sleep. Out of sheer willpower, you try not to react as his fingers reach down to graze your cheekâtry not to open your eyes to see what kind of expression he wore. You wonder if he did this every time he had a mission so early in the morning, feeling an unfamiliar feeling tug at your heart.Â
His voice is barely above a whisper as he leans down. âIâll be back home by dinner today. I promise.â
Part of you debates on falling asleep and it wins, until you feel him shuffle a bit closer. And just like that, you feel cold metal slip on your fingerâyour ring finger. The material fits perfectly around your finger and your hand twitches as you hear him stand up to leave.Â
It hits you a bit later than youâd expect and you wouldâve never thought realization would sound like the front door opening. You scramble out of bed, tripping on the blankets as you smile so hard it hurts.Â
âToru?! Wait! Don't leave yet! Toru come back!âÂ
And like you hoped, he looks back, the metal of a ring similar to yours greets you.
tags:
@maliamaiden, @dookiemeshibear, @icarusignite, @padsgrlly, @katiaesmeralda, @mooncleaver, @jcrml, @istanuwow, @stilinskispjo, @hjjjbb, @delulusuga, @hellogoog, @scrumdillyyumyumpurr, @wordskeeper, @rampagingroses, @demiwizardvampire145, @haikyuusimpsblog, @esmeensheep, @msunknown911, @saebeary, @mysuperrainbow, @scarletevening, @tedbunny333, @tulips-ss, @primapoppy, @realboysrdumb, @ems-tumbo, @a-cloudy-dreamy-day, @evalynanne, @kaiisers, @trisisbasic, @luna0713hunter, @arisucat, @honili, @dovahkiinsbitch, @porridgesblog, @siennahsteaparty, @dee-dreams-and-stuff, @satoruskitchenrag, @moonmalice, @junglewoos, @thisbicc, @heartsoji, @mysticmyth, @phoenixforgotten, @sillygoosegoose, @the-mad-hatress, @kairuthewriter, @batmansleftfoot
i'm delulu again so i'm probs gonna write smth again huzzah AND I MEAN IT !!
i have two drafts rn ... one for gojo wife series n another gojo drabble
Hi, I have a problem. I can't open the link to your wife gojo Masterlist "confession" :(
Can you perhaps repost it/ share a different link? Thank u!
hi sorry but i deleted that fic bc i didn't want them to kiss so soon... ty for letting me know tho !
hi! I'm sorry for bothering you, but I'm trying to reread your gojo series. however, the third part isn't loading up properly. is it deleted?
sorry for seeing this so late ! i actually deleted it bc i didn't want them to kiss so soon đ
hi guys ⌠i should rlly get back to writing gojo fics and being delulu đĽ˛đĽ˛
the Rin ff was so cute thank you for the meal đ
AWH TYYY !!
about you (rin x reader)
warnings: grumpy x sunshine!!! childhood friends to lovers, reader is delulu, image from our secret alliance
a/n: i had to title the fic about you since it was playing in the bg đđ
Being a teenage girl meant a few things. Consuming random content about silly romances and squealing over pixels; experimenting with make-up at 3 a.m; screaming at the top of your lungs to songs about heartbreak.
It also meant going delusional over your crush. In your situation, crush means your childhood friend, Rin Itoshi. Though he wasnât yours. Not yet at least.
âRinnie!â you greet him, not noticing the looks of bewilderment from his team. Heâs calm, unlike his teammates or who he commonly refers to as npcs in his messages with you.
You already told him over the phone that you were going to visit him for a while. And to your surprise, he offered his place for you to stay atâtelling you that it wasnât a big deal since the house was too big for one person.
You think you mustâve saved a kingdom in your past life from how fortunate youâve been lately. Like how even now, you were to manage to land early enough to visit him at practice. Youâre so ecstatic that his team thinks you might be glowing.
âI found some sandwiches on my way here! You want some? Here let me go to you!â You chirp, running freely so freely that you donât even notice the ball beneath your feet. Your ears pick up a few warnings and the sound of multiple footsteps. Yet your body picks up the feeling of a pair of strong arms and the familiar scent youâve grown to love.
Disbelief washes over his team as they see how Rin quickly moved to catch you and their mouths are left open when they see him actually being gentle. You laugh awkwardly as you peer up at Rin who just sighs. âIdiot.â
âHello to you too Rinnie,â you chuckle, letting him take your bag from you.
He frowns, seeing how the bags were piled with sandwiches. âDonât call me that here. And whyâd you buy so much?â
âFor your team of course!â
âWhy the hell would you spend your money on these shitheadsââ
âNow câmon Rinrin,â a deep voice snickers and youâre startled at the pair of pink hues that stare down at you. Your lips part, eying his tanned skin and hair of shades of blonde with pink streaks. âIf a pretty ladyâs offering to feed ya, you gotta say thank you right?â
âI didnât ask you, antennaed freak. And stop calling me that.â
âLighten up,â he grins, shifting his attention to you.
Your eyes widened in recognition, hands reaching to grab Rinâs armâmoving it so you could pull a wrapped sandwich out. âYou must be Shidou right? Iâmââ
â(Name) right? Heard all about you from this guy.â He takes the sandwich from, his hands purposely lingering on your palm.
Rinâs fast to shove Shidouâs hand off of yours. âHands off.â
âWhat? You gonna make me?â
âYou picking a fightâ?â
âRinnie talks about me?â You beam, ignoring the tension in the air. His teal-colored eyes widened, as if suddenly caught. You donât let him stop you, instead making your way in between them to beam at Shidou. âWhat does he say?â
Shidou blinks, lips falling into a wide grin. âI might tell you if you let me take you ouââ
âCut it out,â Rinâs voice interrupts, his eyes twitching in irritation.
âAre they good things?â You question, ignoring Rinâs look of exasperation.
âYou bet. He talks about how pretty your eyes are and how he wants to kissââ
âNo I donât,â your friend retorted sternly, sighing as he saw the hearts that were forming in your eyes. His hues take a moment to scan your appearance, noticing how you spent some time touching up. âYou look different.â
âHe means you look cute. Right Rinrin?â Shidou provokes.
âReally? Thatâs great because Iâm trying to impress Rinnie right now!â
Both men watch in silence. Youâre sure the whole field just heard that but Rin thinks youâre too oblivious to noticeâsighing when you blink as a couple of his teammates give you a thumbs up as motivation.
Rin feels himself growing warm, red dusting his cheeks. He glances at youâhow you smile so brightly at him. Only him. For a second, he forgets about the people around him, merely focusing on the way you grin at him. He wouldâve enjoyed this moment longer if not for a shit-eating grin appearing next to him.
âOh? Are you blushing Rinâ?â
âShut up antennaed freak,â he huffs, pulling on your arm. Rinâs eyes flit to you and how you eagerly anticipate his next move. He sighs. âWeâre leaving.â
âWe are? W-Wait the sandwiches!â You yelp, setting the basket on the ground as he drags you away from his teamâhis grip surprisingly gentle despite its firmness. You gesture at the basket, waving at his team who seem to be more bewildered at the sight of Rin pulling you away.
You smile as he opens his car door, ushering you in with a grunt. âDid you take a taxi here?â
âThatâs right! Why? Did you want to pick me up instead?â you chirp.
He enters the driverâs seat, ignoring your question in his usual manner. Heâs already reaching forthe seatbelt besides you, buckling you inâhis scent filling your senses. Oddly enough, Rin doesnât hear any playful remarks leaving your lips. Instead, heâs face-to-face with pursed lips and an expression thatâs unmistakably embarrassment.
Oh shit, he thinks. Not again. That feeling swelling in his stomach returns, suffocating the car with tension. Youâre not given much time to dwell on the pink that dusts his cheeks momentarily as heâs already reaching for his phone. âHere.â
The tensionâs forgotten and itâs hard to slow your rapid heartbeat. You blink rapidly, your lips falling into a big grin once you realize his intentions. âI thought you hated my âlukewarm love songs.ââ
âI never said that.â
âOh? So you do like them!â
âI never said that either. Just take my phone already or else Iâll get mad. My armâs hurting, idiot.â
âLiar. I know you like me too much to get mad,â you muse, taking his phone to open Spotify. Youâre already humming to the first song that plays.
He knows youâre teasing but itâs hard to brush off the comment. Rinâs lips twitch, finding it amusing that some parts of you stayed the same since you two were children. You were always clinging onto himâmaking him listen to your random delusions or listen to you sob about some silly romance novel.
He knows you like stupid tropes about enemies to lovers and your strange obsession with sharing a bed. He knows that you have strange tastes and heâs never pass on making fun of you for that. He knows you like those cringey couple nicknames because they make you laugh. He also knows he doesnât have a single romantic bone in him but for once, he doesnât mind doing what the poets do.
Youâre still humming, oblivious to what kind of thoughts linger in his brain. He hums. âYeah. Youâre right.â
âRight about what?â You ask, bemused at his sudden comment. Heâs quiet, a ghost of a smirk on his face. Youâre not sure if itâs the fact that About You by The 1975 is playing but the atmosphere makes you catch on far too quickly.
âOh my god,â you say too quickly. âRinnie do you like me? Rinnie? Stop the car! Rinnie tell me!â
Your constant pleading does little to dissuade him as he laughs silently to himselfâthe sight rare even for you. âYou do! You do! You like me!â
âShut up or else Iâm taking the phone away.â
âThatâs mean! Wait a minute, that means weâre dating now right? Does that mean I can call you pookie wookieeâ?â
âNo.â
âOh you didnât say no to us dating! You canât take it back!â
He sighs again, smiling softly. Feelings are weird, Rin thinks. Theyâre even weirder when confronted but he doesnât mind doing that when itâs for you. He sighs for the nth time.
âIdiot. Why would I take that back? You said it yourself. I like you too much.â
The carâs silent and About You is still playing. Itâs silent and Rin canât resist glancing over at you, his eyes widening slightly. He suddenly understands why you go so crazy for those books and shows of yoursâthe ones about love. Since seeing you wear such an expression is enough to make him realize that love isnât so bad after all.
can i be added to the taglist for the gojos wife series ? or if u have a perm taglist can u add me to that cuz i love ur fics đđ
ofcccc
despite being a sae enthusiast i have written 0 fics for him đđ