...I wrote this about 4 years ago roughly 6 months into a long distance relationship.
..which ended about 6 months later. Am I looking back on this as some sort of..regret? Absolutely not. I re read it and thought..'Maybe this will benefit others who are currently experiencing what I experienced?
I’d be lying if I didn’t say that this was hard. This being the 2,500 miles of distance that separate my girlfriend and I.. but you know, I feel like that’s what has the power to make us stronger.. or weaker. I’d prefer it to make us stronger. I know we can make this work, it’s just space.
Quite a lot of space but I don’t want this relationship to be something that we’d both refer to as “Oh.. we tried..” then look back on it and constantly ask ourselves, “Well.. did we try hard enough? Was that the most effort you could have put in?” And yes, it is lonely. There’s really no denying that. Mentally.. you’re in a relationship, physically.. you’re not..
Communication is key. Being that you’re both a legitimate distance apart (well.. distance is distance.. but I’m talking like DISTANCE).. you have to be able to communicate on a much deeper, personal level. A level in which you’re in tune with your internal and external emotions. You have to be able to express your thoughts, feelings effectively through.. words. One doesn’t have to necessarily have a way with words but obviously has to be able to divulge their thoughts, opinions effectively but also have the ability to listen. Listen. Talk. Hear. See. All those senses are used to.. communicate but since you’re not able to see each other in person..you communicate through different mediums.
It’s not like you can just get in your car to see that person.. or see that person as often as you’d like..so the bulk of your communication is done through..technological mediums. That give you both reassurance. The reassurance tat is needed that you are there, though not physically but mentally and emotionally, which are 2 levels that a long distance couples connects on more so than others. Emotions are harder to show through the phone or any other technological medium.. and those technological mediums have its pros and cons..more so.. cons.
It shuts off.. or runs out of battery or doesn’t quite work the way you want it to, when you need it to. And more often than not need those mediums need.. support..support which sometimes doesn’t come right away. But technology obviously has its pros too. It allows us to see (thanks to a webcam and its various clients iChat, google talk, tokbox, etc) and hear the person but one needs the physical aspect for reassurance that..this relationship is real. Words are powerful but actions outsmart that 100 fold or more. It helps to know that you will be seeing your significant other at a certain time instead of being in the dark stuck in a sense of unknown. That being said.. you need to make an extra effort to see that person. Your relationship can’t solely be mental and emotional (or technological). It has to have a physical aspect. (Yes, that physical aspect.. THAT physical aspect.. but just something as simple as being able to graze the person’s hand or hear them breathing).. which makes visits that much more.. special.
All that being said, a long distance relationship may bring you more misery than happiness. (You both have to take necessary steps in making it work. Put in an.. effort.) More frustration than laughter. More confusion than understanding. It takes a different type of person to agree to go through this type of experience. A person who is willing to make emotional sacrifices. Who works through a time zone difference. That can stand being ‘alone’ for long periods of time. Can be independent, self reliant and immerse themselves in something that makes the time and distance pass quickly instead of being stuck on ‘I wish you were here’. I mean.. after all.. you don’t have much of a choice.
You’re kind of forced to experience certain situations.. alone. (In a sense that.. physically that person isn’t by your side at all times. You’ll want to be able to touch and feel that person.. but in reality.. the only thing there is.. your imagination.. what one remembers of that person..sure there’s those damn technological mediums.. but still.. is that the same?)
As much as one would like to be there at their significant other’s every beckoning call or time of need.. due to the situation.. it’s not possible. Being “alone” or the feeling of it.. It’s a constant struggle..but it’s something you have to deal with.. it’s one of the many many sacrifices you make. And like all relationships, it constantly needs to be worked on, tweaked and most of all.. involves trust.
Trust is what a long distance relationship is based off of. Trust that you must have in each other..but first for yourself. Trust that puts you to be at ease in sticky situations that you have no control over..whether you’re the one in them (or vice versa). Trust that helps you to make the right decisions (that will not only benefit you but another). Trust that gives you the strength to be OK with the distance. Trust imposes responsibility on the both of you. And above all else it gives oneconfidence.
Okay maybe I just babbled.. but I felt like I needed to get this out somewhere. I’m only 5 months into a long distance relationship w/my amazing girlfriend..which as I said, spans 2,500 miles.. but..
I’m taking and will continue to take steps in making it work. That’s the only way these types of relationships last. They say.. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder..” and I can safely say.. that my heart.. it’s continuing to grow fonder.. each and every day..
Looking back on it..do I ask myself "Did we try hard enough?" With the circumstances..I do believe we did. Could we have tried harder? Absolutely..
And yes..my heart grew fonder for her each day but obviously and unfortunately (even with the mindset I had above)..it didn't work out. I hate to think "What could have been?" But I can't help but wonder the state of and how our lives would be if..4 yrs later..we were still together.
I haven't talked to you since we ended it..but I still and will continue to wish you nothing but the very best. And..thank you for the memories.