a heart on fire.

My organs are tied in knots, and flowers grow from the graveyards between each rib.

[fadingstcrs]

          &&. if you’re still bleeding, you’re the lucky ones           ‘Cause most of our feelings, they are dead &&           they are gone                              We’re setting fire to our insides for fun.

[itsbcllshit]

Wow I haven't been here in forever and I know I wasn't very relevant when I was using this blog but rl has been hard lately but I'm hoping to get back to using Nancy again soon.

[itsbcllshit]

astrepur:

        His mind is screaming at him that this whole conversation has been a disaster, but her smile almost convinces him otherwise. Something about Nancy keeps him from wanting to snap and push away. So instead, he continues their weird game. He honestly can’t tell if they’re flirting or not. Is that how it works? They’re just joking after all. “ What? ” He responds, lips giving way for another grin as he almost mocks her concern. “ Tell me I’m not wrong! ” But even jokingly, he regrets saying it. He doesn’t want to be right about anything he’s said.          He stops, his shoulders slump, and his brows arch in mirrored concern. He puts his hands on his hips, staring across at her like he’s trying to pick apart her intentions. “ Nancy. ” Jonathan sighs, turning away as he exhales. “ That’s–that’s not what I… ” He inhales, pausing and collecting himself.         “ Wouldn’t it be against the rules if we didn’t go to something? I mean… like you said, you owe me a dance. ” His lips curl upwards again, but his gaze is directed at the ground. “ I don’t know about you but… I don’t like breaking rules. ” He can’t help the grin that spreads, biting down on his lip as he finally chances a look at her. They both should know very well that they’d broken enough rules for one lifetime in the last few years. “ You know, we don’t have to be killing monsters to spend time together. ”

The change in the tone of the conversation, in the air around them, was on her. Nancy was the one who made things serious, bringing them down and leaving them struggling to continue on a light note. And all because she couldn’t just let it go, couldn’t just shut up and let him poke fun at himself. But this is what she did, ruining things just because she couldn’t leave anything be was the Nancy Wheeler special. Jonathan, at least, was attempting to salvage this conversation - which was probably made even more difficult by her sad, distant expression. She doesn’t respond, figures she’s messed things up enough as is.

And then there’s guilt. It comes for her while he tries to gather his thoughts, it comes from the awareness that the reason things got awkward and depressing was because of her. She’s grateful for him though, as he once again tries to bring them back to a happier place. It’s almost entirely successful, but even with a smile back on her face, she couldn’t get the sadness out of her expression completely.

     “ I’m happy to hear that because, as you should know,        I’m a big fan of rules. ”

Which she thinks might have actually been true at one point, but it feels like she’s lifetimes away from the girl she used to be. Nancy reaches out slowly, taking one of his hands loosely in her own, and she keeps her eyes focused on their hands as she speaks,

     “ Well, I was kind of hoping that was the case since you        know I sort of like spending time with you. Also, I don’t        think the two of us have ever successfully killed a monster        ourselves. ”

[itsbcllshit]

.

[itsbcllshit]

waskingonce replied to your post: .

why did u follow my trash blog then mhhhhhhhh,,,

clearly, i meant i followed a bunch of quality blogs + one really shitty steve blog

[itsbcllshit]

.

[wnq-writers]

things we should learn from the stars: 1) you will burn. but this pyre of yours will light an entire galaxy. is it destruction if it’s creation, too? 2) collapse unto yourself. it doesn’t matter. yesterday is light years away and it’s cold can’t touch you now. tomorrow is when you shine. 3) the explosion will shatter your bones and no one will hear a sound. it is alright, stars die quietly, too. but they get up every single time. 4) like stars, burn brighter after you rise. 5) (always rise) 6) the universe is a dark and vast place but there’s always light. find it. if you can’t find it, be that light. 7) make sure that the whole universe knows just how beautiful you are when you decide to survive.

Lana Rafaela (via wnq-writers)

[itsbcllshit]

❝ i believe in some things. ❞

❛ american gods ❜ post: meme.

She wants to ask if he means things like god or if it’s something else, but instead all she says is,

     “ I’m pretty sure after everything we’ve         seen all of us believe in a few more         things than before. ”

[divinitysquander]

AMERICAN GODS SENTENCE STARTERS

episode six - a murder of gods.

❝ you saved me. thank you. ❞

❝ you already know my name. ❞

❝ what are they ? ❞

❝ oh motherfucker, you never just answer a fucking question ! ❞

❝ that’s not a question, ___ , a question would be: what do you believe you saw ? ❞

❝ i don’t know what i believe. ❞

❝ it was a warning to me, and a sacrifice to them. ❞

❝ sacrifice ? like –– like what, for –– for a god ? ❞

❝ what’s a god ? can we even know they exist ? people believe things, which means they’re real. that means we know they exist. so what came first ? gods ? or the people who believed in them ? ❞

❝ where was all this before i met you ? ❞

❝ there’s always a window. but people are frightened to look through it. it’s safer in the prison cell. ❞

❝ we’re not safe now. ❞

❝ who are you ? ❞

❝ i believe in some things. ❞

❝ your wife obviously has a temper. not used to getting her way, huh ? ❞

❝ your dearly departed has departed and i suggest we should do the same. ❞

❝ was she a ghost ? i mean, do you think you saw a ghost ? ❞

❝ you know, you’re not questioning any of this. i’m questioning everything right now. ❞

❝ i’m not so young nor so narrow to assume the dead are dead, and there’s no spectrum or spectral in between. in my experience, the dead that aren’t rarely come back without purpose. ❞

❝ her purpose was to let you go, now get in. ❞

❝ now you’ve seen who’s after us, and you know what they’re capable of. you can hang around here if you want, but i’m getting out of here. ❞

❝ fuck ! where the fuck is my car ! ❞

❝ yes, it does belong to the dead woman, i am the dead woman. where’s my fucking car ? ❞

❝ first piece of luck i’ve had in days. ❞

❝ worse things out tonight than you. ❞

❝ isn’t she lovely ? ❞

❝ i’ve done the math. this times that equals you’re a cunt, divided by the only way i’m gonna get what i need is if you give it to me equals the only way you’re gonna give it to me is if you don’t need it. ❞

❝ like my friend jesus christ, the only thing you need, ___ , is resurrection. ❞

❝ did you just name drop jesus christ like you know a guy who knows a guy ? ❞

❝ i can be very convincing. ❞

❝ is this you being convincing now ? because you suck at it. ❞

❝ i’m trying to convince you to live. real living. not whatever rot living this is. ❞

❝ why don’t you put that on your fucking scales and weigh it ? ❞

❝ what the fuck are you ? i mean, what the fuck are any of you, but first, tell me, what the fuck are you ? seriously, what the fuck are you ?! ❞

❝ please stop stealing my cab. ❞

❝ i have been traveling in the direction of mecca for days, looking for a jinn. ❞

❝ i’ll tell you where to find a whole murder of gods, demi and otherwise. every god damned one of them. ❞

❝ i know a charm that can lift grief from a grieving heart. ❞

❝ do you know a charm that can stop bleeding ? ❞

❝ i know a charm that can cure sickness and pain and a charm that can turn away the weapons of enemies. i know a charm that can heal with a touch. ❞

❝ excuse the cold hands. ❞

❝ there’s always been a god shaped hole in man’s head. trees were the first to fill it. ❞

❝ mr. wood was the trees, mr. wood was the forest. see, he was a very old god who saw something very new. he saw a god fearing society turn towards complete industrialization. so what did he do ? he sacrificed his trees, he sacrificed his forest, and he became something else. ❞

❝ well, at this stage it’s ‘we’ll see’, or, ‘time will tell’, but if it’ll rest your weary head, then yeah, it’s gone. ❞

❝ religion inspires in those who fear nothing, fear of the gods, and using that fear requires a certain element of fucked up. ❞

❝ i’m not scared of anything anymore. ❞

❝ i’m scared you’re never gonna shut that flapping hole of yours. i’m sitting here having a fucking anxiety attack because i am genuinely terrified that you are never gonna shut the fuck up. ❞

❝ did you kill ___ ? i won’t tell. ❞

❝ my name is ___. or … it was ___. i do not know what my name is now. ❞

❝ i just realized that i’m never gonna see my mother again. i’m never gonna hear her say my name again. i’m never gonna eat her cooking again. ❞

❝ are you dead ? ❞

❝ this is my afterlife, ___. ❞

❝ did you pray for another life ? ❞

❝ i do not pray to ask god for things. i pray to thank god, for bringing me where i am. to this time, to this place, where i finally know what i must do in this life. ❞

❝ i pray i find ___. he is my afterlife. i knew him. we knew each other. and now i wish to know more. ❞

❝ people will defend the warm safe feeling their america gives them. they will defend it with bullets. ❞

❝ less a funeral than a celebration of a sacrifice. ❞

❝ if i know my friend, somebody got tossed into the volcano. ❞

❝ this was a human sacrifice ? ❞ 

❝ that’s him. head of the crowd. the one they flock to. ❞

❝ please, go in peace. ❞

❝ what rock did you crawl out from under ? ❞

❝ playing a little hide and seek. hiding from the proverbial them, and seeking … you. ❞

❝ i need you to believe in me. ❞

❝ i’ve heard your name on the wind. ❞

❝ we’re at war already, and we’re losing. you, me, all of us. they’re taking honey from our mouths. ❞

❝ i have no use for shame. ❞

❝ it’s easier to pass for the living in the dark, if i felt the need to pass. ❞

❝ your heart’s not beating for this life anymore, ___. this life is done. ❞

❝ that doesn’t obligate him to feel shit. ❞

❝ perhaps i misjudged the kiss. ❞

❝ death do us part, take the fucking hint. he’s gone. your man came, saw you, tasted death on your tongue, and he fucking left. ❞

❝ your kind of love, ___, is the worst kind of love of them all. you can love somebody even when you know they don’t like it. even when you know they don’t want it. ❞

❝ that’s some profound fucking knowledge for you right there, wrapped up in a quaint sexual metaphor. ❞

❝ people do tend to behave if they know they’re being watched. they like being watched. ❞

❝ somebody’s watching. somebody’s always watching. ❞

❝ what did you do to become the god of this little universe that you’ve created ? ❞

❝ you’re no stranger to sacrifice. ❞

❝ they don’t sacrifice anymore. not to me. ❞

❝ you could always sacrifice yourself. you’ve done it before. ❞

❝ you ever see a man hanged, ___ ? throat crushed, gasping for life. it’s a terrible way to find your faith. faith doesn’t have to leave the faithful dangling. ❞

❝ you are what you worship. ❞

❝ the power of fire is firepower. ❞

❝ not god, but godlike. and they believe. ❞

❝ god bless the believers. ❞

❝ i’ll make you a blade worthy of a god. ❞

❝ i know who he is, and who he’s always been. i can depend on that. ❞

❝ you’re not here at the moment. you’re distracted. i wonder why. ❞

❝ she’s out in the cold, but … she doesn’t feel it anymore. or maybe … maybe it’s all she feels, now. ❞

❝ they make blood sacrifices to you. ❞

❝ you could use a blood sacrifice. ❞

❝ you sold us out. ❞

❝ you saw what i was. i was a story people forgot to remember to tell. and they gave me a gun. they put power back in my hands. and i gotta tell you; it feels good. ❞

❝ i never needed my religion to be moral. ❞

❝ moralizing religions are materialistic ones. they all need their martyrs. ❞

❝ i’m laying down a curse. i’m cursing the whole fucking thing. ❞

❝ god is great. ❞

❝ life is great. ❞

[itsbcllshit]

“ It’s bullshit. No, you. You’re bullshit. You’re pretending like everything’s okay, like we didn’t kill Barb, like it’s great. Like we’re in love, and we’re partying…it’s bullshit. ”

[itsbcllshit]

astrepur:

        He opens his mouth to speak, but presses his lips together again, exhaling with force. He’s pretty sure there’s no winning in this game they seem to be playing, but he’d at least settle for not putting his damn foot in his mouth every time he speaks! He grins, kicking at the ground and shoving his hands deeper into his pockets, as though he could fold himself right into his jacket by doing so. “ Not really. I don’t really want to show my dance skills to anyone. ” He chuckles, glancing back up at her. “ I mean –  ” he sighs, biting his lip. “ Well it’s not you I’d be embarrassed about. ” In fact, he’s pretty sure there’d be people taking second glances if he were dancing with Nancy Wheeler at a school dance. “ Besides, haven’t you dragged me to enough dumb parties against my will? Or… we could compromise… you know – maybe… one of each? ”

Her smirk screams of victory in their game, one with no agreed-upon rules or scoring system - okay, she’s aware that classifying flirting as a game is a bit warped but she also feels it makes sense for them. That after everything they’ve been through something as simple as flirting between the two would play more like a game of nerves than anything else. But her smirk starts to fade as he speaks and her expression gives way to worry. She doesn’t like how down on himself he can get, but she also feels concern building at the idea that maybe he’s convinced himself she might regret being seen with him at a dance as her date.

     “ Jonathan... ”

But she doesn’t really know what to say, afraid that if she shares the fact she isn’t embarrassed by him and he hadn’t already been thinking that, that he would then start to. And she has no idea how things went from light and teasing to her experiencing mental turmoil over his lack of self-esteem. She just hated that he didn’t seem to be able to see all the great things about himself, she hated that she didn’t know what to do or how to help him with that.

     “ We don’t have to do any dumb parties if you         aren’t comfortable with them, hell we don’t         have to do either. ”

[itsbcllshit]

‘ just for the record, the weather today is bitter with occasional bits of jealous rage. ’

❛ book sentences ❜ post: meme.

     “ Guess I’ll be staying indoors then. ”

[itsbcllshit]

❝ I was going to say dartgun me but sure, shoot me in the head. ❞ (steve)

memes i didn’t reblog but am answering anyway.

     “ Oh stop being dramatic, you’re the one         who startled me. Let’s just focus on the         fact I didn’t actually pull the trigger. ”

[starsmarked]

littlelovelymemes:

✰   —  —  —  BOOK SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  it is only once in awhile that you see someone whose electricity and presence matches your at that moment.  ’ ‘  we could have been happy. i know that, and it is perhaps the hardest thing to know.  ’ ‘  i mean, i hope you’re happy, but the sky is still the sky without you and i’m not surprised by that anymore.  ’ ‘  that didn’t happen, of course. things never happened the way i imagined them.  ’ ‘  we need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.  ’ ‘  i still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.  ’ ‘  i used to think i was tough, but then i realized i wasn’t. i was fragile and i wore thick fucking armor. and i hurt people so they couldn’t hurt me. and i thought that was what being tough was, but it isn’t.  ’ ‘  perhaps one did not want to be loved as much as to be understood.  ’ ‘  i tried so hard to be everything you wanted, i forgot who i was.  ’ ‘  is anyone anywhere happy?  ’ ‘  we didn’t talk about anything heavy or light.  ’ ‘  we were just there together and that was enough.  ’ ‘  i looked and looked at you and i knew, as clearly as i know that i will die, that i loved you more than anything i had ever seen or imagined on earth.  ’ ‘  you think ‘okay, i get it, i’m prepared for the worst,’ but you hold out that small hope, see, and that’s what fucks you up. that’s what kills you.  ’ ‘  i belong to moments. not to people.  ’ ‘  loving you was the easiest thing i ever did, even when it was hard, it was easy. loving you was like breathing.  ’ ‘  the you who you are tonight is the same you i was in love with yesterday. the same you i’ll be in love with tomorrow.  ’ ‘  i’ve seen a lot of beautiful things with a heavy heart.  ’ ‘  but the heart has its own memory and i have forgotten nothing.  ’ ‘  after awhile you could get used to anything.  ’ ‘  i crave a dangerous kind of love – one that breaks hearts and bed springs.  ’ ‘  just because you love someone, that doesn’t mean your lives will fit together.  ’ ‘  there is so much stubborn hope in the human heart.  ’ ‘  be patient with me. my heart is heavy.  ’ ‘  my heart talks about nothing but you.  ’ ‘  i want you by my side so that i never feel alone again.  ’ ‘  i think too much. i don’t feel enough.  ’ ‘  i might confess that it’s you i love.  ’ ‘  maybe some things aren’t supposed to last. maybe they mean more that way.  ’ ‘  i was supposed to be having the time of my life.  ’ ‘  i hope i’ll always believe in love even if love shames me and tries to destroy me. i’ll hope i’ll want to start again.  ’ ‘  what does it mean to mourn what never happened?  ’ ‘  i’m awfully difficult but i do know when i love someone and i’ve loved you ever since i can remember.  ’ ‘  the sad truth is that the truth is sad and that what you want does not matter.  ’ ‘  you can’t leave yet. i’m not finished falling in love with you.  ’ ‘  i’m not sorry for who i had to become in order to survive.  ’ ‘  i didn’t necessarily feel like dying, but i’d been feeling a lot like not being alive.  ’ ‘  with me, you’re number one and there isn’t even a number two.  ’ ‘  you shouldn’t miss people who don’t miss you, right?  ’ ‘  i tried so hard to be everything you wanted, i forgot who i was.  ’ ‘  do you know how hard it is to say nothing? when every atom of you strains to do the opposite?  ’ ‘  our only kiss was like an accident – a beautiful gasoline rainbow.  ’ ‘  that’s what’s so damn difficult about making the decision to leave. whether it’s the right or wrong call, it hurts just the same.  ’ ‘  everybody should have to love, and it should last as long as your life does.  ’ ‘  loving you was the easiest thing i ever did. even when it was hard, it was easy. loving you was like breathing.  ’ ‘  i love you. i don’t always understand you, but i love you.  ’ ‘  how do you go back to being strangers with someone who has seen your soul?  ’ ‘  break my heart. break it a thousand times if you like. it was only ever yours to break anyway.  ’ ‘  just so you know, i fucking loved you. i fucking loved the daylights out of you.  ’ ‘  i hope you find someone you can’t live without. i really do. and i hope you never have to know what it’s like to try and live without them.  ’ ‘  i think we almost loved each other, but the only thing i was sure about is that almost wasn’t good enough.  ’ ‘  of course i miss you. one minute you were here and now you’re gone. even if i didn’t love you, i’d miss you. and i loved the fuck out of you.  ’ ‘  people don’t always get what they deserve in this world.  ’ ‘  what if you find your soulmate at the wrong time?  ’ ‘  you drink a little too much and try a little too hard and you go home to a cold bed and think, ‘that was fine.’ and your life is a long line of fine.  ’ ‘  i was so fucking soft for you and you ruined me.  ’ ‘  time will pass; these moods will pass; and i will, eventually, be myself again.  ’ ‘  and i’m over it, i’m over it, i promise i’m over it. but it still hurts sometimes.  ’ ‘  ‘almost’ is the worst way to love someone.  ’ ‘  i don’t know what i think. all i know is that most of the time i would rather be with you than anyone else i know.  ’ ‘  you are pretty much the only thing that makes me get up in the morning.  ’ ‘  what did my fingers do before i held you? what did my heart do with its love?  ’ ‘  it has been a beautiful fight. still is.  ’ ‘  stop insisting on clearing your head – clear your fucking heart instead.  ’ ‘  too often, the only escape is sleep.  ’ ‘  it’s necessary for me sometimes just to be alone and quiet and doing nothing.  ’ ‘  you have a place in my heart no one else ever could have.  ’ ‘  i do love you – i can’t change that.  ’ ‘  come and kiss me and let’s forget.  ’ ‘  i don’t ask you to love me always like this, but i ask you to remember.  ’ ‘  somewhere inside of me there will always be the person i am tonight.  ’ ‘  i used to build dreams about you.  ’ ‘  i love you so much, much, much that it just hurts every minute i’m with you.  ’ ‘  sometimes people just want to be happy, even if it’s not real.  ’ ‘  every nerve in my body could be damaged or numb and i’d still be able to feel you.  ’ ‘  i may be in pain, but i am not weak.  ’ ‘  you look like a dream i’ve never had before.  ’ ‘  you can live a good life without ever knowing real love.  ’ ‘  you are as real as anyone, and your doubts make you more real, not less.  ’ ‘  the one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.  ’ ‘  the only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.  ’ ‘  it’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. we have no scar to show for happiness.  ’ ‘  just for the record, the weather today is calm and sunny, but the air is full of bullshit.  ’ ‘  just for the record, the weather today is partly suspicious with chances of betrayal.  ’ ‘  just for the record, the weather today is bitter with occasional bits of jealous rage.  ’ ‘  the weather today is partly angry, leading to resignation and ultimatums.  ’ ‘  for the record, knowing when people are only pretending to like you isn’t such a great skill to have.  ’

[itsbcllshit]

littlcsorrow:

❛ hey —— everything is going to be okay…we’re gonna get out of this place and away from these MONSTERS. we’re gonna go back home, okay? ❜  slender fingers grip onto the knife in her hand as she’ll move closer to her friend, reaching out and gently placing her hand on her shoulder. ❛ we need to keep moving…before they come. ❜ with that, she’s back on her feet and holding out her hand for nancy to take. 

@itsbcllshit

The situation, like most aspects of her life lately, wasn’t ideal. Nancy Wheeler was a lot of things but most of all these days she was just TIRED. Tired of the always present weight on her mind and body, tired of the guilt and the constant life-threatening danger. But she was also furious - goddamn wrathful in her need to do whatever she could to bring this to an end and those behind it down, and if that meant kicking and clawing her way through this hell, well she’d do that too.  At least she wasn’t alone, at least she had a friend with her; a physical reminder that she had reasons to keep going.

     “ I know. Today isn’t the day either of us die.         We need to get somewhere safe, we can’t         just keep running away and hoping for the         best. We need a plan of action to take them         out. ”

[itsbcllshit]

im trying a new icon style and god i hope they look okay bc they are kind of a bitch to make, still getting used to a new routine.

[itsbcllshit]

astrepur:

        He sincerely hopes that his face isn’t a dead giveaway to how stupid he feels right now. He can feel the warmth creeping up, but exhales slowly. “ All of – ” he starts to repeat, mouth hanging open and brows raised as he looks at her, dumbfounded. He dug himself into this hole. Jonathan laughs, easing up slightly and licking his lips. “ Alright well – Wild Wheeler, the rules master. How about this one? School dances only, no… dumb parties. That gives me at least… three months to make sure I don’t step on your feet. ”

The awkwardness on his part is understandable after all she thinks it may have been a bit forward of her to offer all of her future dances to him. But after what they’ve been through she doesn’t see the point in holding her tongue or second-guessing herself, not with him, not anymore. But she has to admit it’s kind of cute, in an ‘ i hope i’m not secretly making him uncomfortable ’ way. Nancy just barely suppresses a cringe at that name coming back to haunt her so soon,

     “ Oh, are you trying to start negotiations with         the rules master? So you’d rather show off         your dance skills in front of an entire grade         of presumably mostly sober kids instead of at         a party where no one would even remember         seeing it happen? You’re asking for a lot, since          I happen to like dancing at dumb parties. ”