It's Because You're On Top Of That Phone

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Final Thoughts

Wow...was not expecting to actually enjoy any of that.

This is a really stupid gag manga born of the noughties and it shows a lot, with the casual sexualization of minors and the "straights are at it again" method of pairing up every opposite-sex pairing regardless of chemistry but holy shit, it saves itself from being pure trash by being actually funny and by being surprisingly heartfelt. I didn't expect to be letting Eko off for so much. I didn't expect to be invested in Shizuka's character arc (if it seemed cut short, that's because the manga itself was cut off after a year of serialization). I didn't expect Kawasumi to be my favorite character. This dated, idiotic gag manga is probably the best thing I've read in months and, if you can tolerate a lot of crap to find gems underneath, I would recommend it to you as casual reading material.

Final Score: 7.5/10

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 61: Extra

Kawasumi is good at everything: academics, athletics and attendance. Everything except...

Can't a bitch try to look good every once in a while?

Shizuka invites her out for the weekend regardless.

Eko gets a cell phone charm for herself and Hiroshi, giving one to him to put on. Hiroshi says it's a bit much for him but seeing how cute she is in it, he wants to try it on himself. Too bad Eko leaves to show the ramen shop guy. Then she comes back with a bunch of charms given to her by people she ran into. Hiroshi follows her out and is about to go back home with her before Kawasumi spots them both. She's out shopping with Shizuka and, spotting Eko, she asks her for a favor...

Shopping with Shizuka, Kawasumi is disappointed that her vice president only wants to see her in guy clothing.

That's why she brought Eko. She tells Eko to pick an outfit that she would like to see her in. When Shizuka asks why, Kawasumi lies that she wants to show Eko how to look stylish. Eko picks a nice dress for Kawasumi to wear and Kawasumi is grateful...because if Eko likes it, then there's a good chance Hiroshi would like it too. However, Shizuka catches on to the real reason why she brought Eko, forcing Kawasumi to frantically deny it. Shizuka laughs it off, saying there's no way that Kawasumi could be in love with Hiroshi...and besides, she doesn't even look good in that dress.

Kawasumi says she hates Shizuka and tells her to go away, causing the latter to fold and immediately apologize. However, Kawasumi also hates herself for being so reliant on others' opinions. But she won't lose to Eko!

The girls leave the shop with Eko saying goodbye and Shizuka...buying a goddamn samurai outfit for Kawasumi, saying she looks good in that too.

End of series.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 60: Forever

Shotaro, Sato and Ayane (who was rescued, apparently) are called forward by Nano. They let her know that Hiroshi has left home and is headed for school. She calls to Kawasumi...

Hiroshi, in a creepily good mood, calls out to Yoshitaka. Yoshitaka reveals Hiroshi has been skipping student council meetings and Hiroshi says it's because he's been studying...but Yoshitaka says it's because he doesn't want Shizuka to throw chalk at him. Yoshitaka wants her to throw chalk him...but apparently, she and Ryu are dating now.

However, Shizuka denies this, saying she has already decided to always follow Kawasumi to the end. When Ryu shows up, she tells him this to his face. He tells her to keep her mouth shut if she's not going to present any new information. They about to box...but then their babies cry, forcing them to calm them down. Yoshitaka pulls a rapey Lupin and jumps out of his clothes to get Shizuka...only for Taeko to use a tank to punch him away. She then drags him off, leaving the others to wonder what their relationship is.

Anyway, Kawasumi gives Hiroshi a big bento for lunch. He thanks her and asks about her wounds. She says she's healing nicely as she mentally notes how he has been smiling more and more lately, despite the trauma of the incident. Hiroshi then apologetically points out a light scar on Kawasumi's cheek, but she brushes it off, saying it's the student council president's job to protect students. Then, she timidly says if no one wants her, he'll be responsible for her. He asks what that means. She knocks him out cold before leaving.

Nano calls him stupid and the ninjas show up, Hiroshi asking them how they're doing. Sato is happy to have his sister back...but he still feels lonely.

Because Eko is gone.

Hiroshi then says that they can't be down in the dumps. They gotta be happy and have big smiles!

Because that's what Eko would have wanted.

Back home, Hiroshi says he lied to the president: not only did not forget to make a bento, he made another one out of habit. He's still wearing a piece of her around his neck...

He's alone...and, if he knew she would leave, he would have talked and played with her more.

He falls asleep...and wakes up the next day to find a large box inside his house. He recognizes it and opens it...to find a sheet of paper inside telling him to take care of the contents. Behind him looms Eko with another cinder block...

She's back. And then she hits him.

End of story.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 59: Sorry, Thank You

Oh, and Kawasumi tells Hiroshi she loves him.

When the dust clears after the shot, it's revealed Nano tried to cover Kawasumi with her body. All three of them are bloodied messes. 080 picks up Nano to move her aside and aims to fire at Hiroshi...but Eko rocket punches her from a prone position. Kicking Kawasumi off, she ignores the attack and prepares to shoot Hiroshi again, firing only for Eko to block the shot with her body on top of Hiroshi's. Annoyed, she keeps firing while Hiroshi tells Eko to run. Eko gets up...and shouts loud enough to force 080 back, tackling her when she's stunned. 080 asks what Eko can do to her when she's all scratched up. Eko begins to glow...and Hiroshi panics, thinking she's going to self-destruct. Eko turns to him, saying that since the day he took her out of the cardboard box, she's sorry that he has to listen to her tone-deaf singing, pay expensive bills just to keep her, said the sushi he brought for them was sour and turned his hair white, that she hit him with a tennis ball and racquet, that she ate his half of the ice cream (he didn't know that...)...she knows she usually gives him nothing but problems but when she's with him, she's really happy. She thanks him for saving her from sorrow and, indeed, explodes as Hiroshi protests, telling her he wants to be with her forever.

End of chapter.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 58: Something Even The Newest Model Doesn't Know

So I might have misspoke last entry. 080 is Eko's successor, not the older model. She opens fire on Hiroshi and Eko pushes him out of the way. She prepares to fire again but Kawasumi gets in the way. 080 doesn't want to shoot her but says she will mow her down if she doesn't move. Kawasumi says she doesn't know what Hiroshi's grandfather said but she will not let a student council member get hurt. 080 shrugs and prepares to fire...but Nano flies her out of the way. Nano calls Kawasumi cool as 080 fires at them in the air, missing every shot...until she doesn't, shooting through Nano's wings.

Nano says she's fine and that she can still fly while 080 prepares the killshot, saying that she can't understand the concept of self-sacrifice (but she can kill on behalf of someone so easily...?). Kawasumi calls her out on her bullshit as she hits her with a dropping elbow, saying she can't be a new model if she can't understand why someone would risk their lives for the person they care most about. Downed, 080 is still confused: why are they resisting? Don't they know she could kill them all? Kawasumi says she wants to protect her most beloved person, Hiroshi. 080 laughs, saying she'll just kill him then, preparing to fire again. In response, Kawasumi turns around and covers Hiroshi with her body, telling him that she'll protect him this time as an explosion overtakes them both.

End of chapter.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 57: Successor And Successing Phone

Hiroshi is still being kidnapped and Eko is hanging onto the roof of the car...and Kawasumi is holding onto Eko's leg, hitching a ride as Nano flies after them and everybody else (sans Yoshitaka) shares Taeko's scooter. Ryu and Shizuka ask why the enemy would kidnap Hiroshi, Ryu inferring it has something to do with what Hiroshi said about cell phones. Nano confirms it, saying cell phones take human form to protect people who will be in danger in the future if they are picked by them. Then why are Ryu and Shizuka's phones babies? Is that the best way to protect them? They table the matter as Ryu opinies that, since they used a tranquilizer on Yoshitaka, their goal is to take Hiroshi alive...or kill him when they get him alone.

Hiroshi, in the car, asks why he's being kidnapped. The person up front says he has an important matter for him, calling him "Master Hiroshi". They say he is not a common citizen but the grandson of Genjuurou Chanomizu, the current CEO of the Daidouji Corporation that controls the economy of Japan. So he has the right of inheritance...

Outside the car, Eko and Kawasumi are yelling for the driver to stop. So the driver does...sending them flying off the roof.

Hiroshi exits the car, not believing what he just heard. The person up front exits telling him all of it is true, saying that while he has the bloodline, his grandfather is planning on working to his death so he doesn't need a successor. Taking out a gun (!), the person says he could be a threat to his grandfather's status in the future, so he needs to die then and there.

Eko rocket punches them, Hiroshi (rather ungratefully) complaining about her shooting at the person who just said that they were going to kill him. But the smoke clears...and the gunman is uninjured. Her name is 080...the old model to the 090 (Eko's model).

End of chapter.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 56: Yesterday's Secret

Hiroshi asks Nano to elaborate on her whole "Cell Phones need to mature into adults before they are sold" thing. Nano answers that, in her opinion, cell phones need to be adults to choose a proper master for themselves. Shizuka points out they're the ones who chose the cell phones but Nano says it's the other way around.

So cell phones apparently have these tiny spirits who put themselves in a phone when they choose the person they want to go home with. That's all phones; even Yoshitaka's. He reacts as expected when he's told his phone is a cute girl:

Ryu then asks why she and Eko have a human form then. Nano is about to tell them...but Yoshitaka passes out from seemingly nothing. Ryu, however, recognizes it as a tranquilizer...which is followed by someone driving up in a limo, grabbing Hiroshi and going back in the car. Eko rocket punches the car and hangs on for dear life as she latches onto the roof...

End of chapter.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 55: Cell Phone Baby, Cell Phone Adult

It's not hard for everyone to jump to conclusions. They all assume Ryu and Shizuka did the nasty and somehow had babies since the last time they saw them (seriously, does sex ed not exist at this grade level in Japan?). After stopping Ryu from talking and making everything worse, Shizuka explains they bumped into each other on the way to the shrine and decided to come together because they were too polite to let themselves go first. Yoshitaka ain't hearing it though, attacking Ryu for "benefiting too much".

Taeko shoots him away with her tank.

Kawasumi approaches Shizuka, asking why she didn't go to her first. She wonders if it's because she's become less reliable since she got her phone. Shizuka can't tell her that it's because of the vandalism that made her too ashamed to face her. Yoshitaka says it's because Kawasumi is too horny for Hiroshi to focus so Kawasumi hits him with the donation box as she explains that, having Nano, Shizuka can come to her with any questions. However, Nano asks if the two babies are really cell phones...

Hiroshi says they were sent to their houses in cardboard boxes and can be used to make calls so they're phones (weird schema in that boy's worldview) but Ryu and Shizuka can't find receivers and control functions on their babies. Naturally, the boxes didn't come with instruction manuals which is different from when Kawasumi got Nano. Hiroshi says there's a simple explanation for this: they're Cell Phone Babies!

Because cell phones are always improving and cell phone adults exist and Hiroshi's friends try to take him to the hospital. Shizuka asks if she has to raise the baby phone. Now they think the disease is spreading.

Shizuka tries to give it to Hiroshi to raise but it begins to cry so she takes it back for the time being. However, Nano says cell phones have to wait until they're adults to be sold. When Hiroshi asks her to explain, Nano is confused why Eko didn't explain it already. So the chapter ends with her beginning to tell everybody.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 54: A Chaotic New Year!

At Hatsumode (when Japanese people go to the shrine for New Years...think church at Easter or Christmas in America for the westerns), Eko mercilessly kills her piggy bank in order to offer to the shrine and ring the bell. Nano throws them money and...Eko catches it to ring the bell some more.

Hiroshi sees Kawasumi by just herself (and Nano) because her siblings couldn't wake up in time. This is apparently their first time seeing each other despite coming every year and Hiroshi asks Kawasumi what she's going to wish for. That's the thing though: moths ate holes in Kawasumi's kimono sleeves and she forgot to sew them back up so she dropped her wallet. She asks Hiroshi for his help finding it...and he already has it, causing her to snatch it away while thanking him. See, she has a picture of him in her wallet and now she thinks he saw it. He did...but he thinks she has the picture for a different reason and he accidentally photobombed it. She thanks God he's so stupid...

Unfortunately, all the money in the wallet has already been stolen so Nano has to use her secret stash of coins for their wishes. Kawasumi wishes for her family's prosperity, happiness and wealth...and that she and Hiroshi can get some panties.

She overheard Yoshitaka and he messed her thoughts up. Then he squeals that Kawasumi was looking for Hiroshi to the latter's face, getting him knocked out by the president. Then Eko points out a tank to Hiroshi, driven by Taeko to toss in donations.

It shoots coins at Yoshitaka. Then Ryu and Shizuka show up with their children. Ryu says they were an accident. Shizuka hits him.

End of chapter.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 53: It's Not A New Model...It's A Baby Model

Ryu recognizes the large box...but he doesn't want to get his hopes up. Maybe his neighbor ordered a new microwave and their packages got mixed up? Or his grandma sent him a big box of tangerines? Then a hand pops out. And a baby falls out.

The baby begins to cry and Ryu tries to soothe her. He tries to think of what Hiroshi would do...while Shizuka also gets a baby. Given her thought process, she doesn't seem to even know where babies come from...despite being in middle school. Shizuka tries to leave it outside...only to bring it back in when it occurs to her that she just tried to abandon a fucking baby. She wants to call Kawasumi to ask for advice but she decides against it, not wanting to rely on her. Her baby asks her to make a call on it, calling her Mama and freaking her out.

She takes the baby out on a walk...and runs into Ryu with his baby.

Then Shizuka's baby calls Ryu "Papa" and Ryu's baby calls Shizuka "Mama".

Eko is still beating Hiroshi's ass at video games. End of chapter.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 52: Pushing It To The Other Person

Eko is kicking Hiroshi's ass at video games. Eko wants to play again but Hiroshi needs to go shopping with Ryu tomorrow. So he loses again and keeps going all night.

The next day, he's too tired to show up. Turns out Ryu was looking for a cell phone of his own so he has to shop by himself. He reaches for one and brushes hands with Shizuka, who was reaching for the same phone. She wanted a phone so she wants the limited edition one he was reaching for, which she gets when she reminds him he's still holding her hand. Ryu says he'll let her have it because he still owes her for the glasses. Shizuka then hands it back, saying she owes him a favor. Then he hands it back. Then she hands it back. Then he hands it back...

Then they break it.

The guy who sees it is disturbingly understanding and says he'll send it in for repairs. That's when Ryu gets an idea: he asks him to take the parts from the broken phone, make two phones and give it to each of them. Because apparently you can just do that.

That night, he has a dream where he drops his phone into a fountain and a Fairy!Eko pops out with a gold one and a silver one. He asks for a normal one...and a giant Cell Phone!Eko falls on top of him. He wakes up and realizes his phone is coming today. The chapter ends with him and Shizuka getting big boxes.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 51: The World's First! A Cell Phone That Changes Personality

Reading a magazine, Eko sees an article about changing oneself to get the attention of someone you like. Thinking about Hiroshi, she wonders what would happen if she changed her hairstyle. Hiroshi comes home later and walks in on Eko in a maid costume with dyed hair.

He barely recognizes her before he realizes she used bleach to make her hair lighter. Eko cuddles up to him, trying to spoil him with offers of showers, food or a massage. Hiroshi is so freaked out by the change in her personality that he thinks that the bleach fried her brain. Especially when she sees a cockroach and cowers instead of using her rocket punch.

This Eko is an awesome maid, an awesome chef and...a shitty cell phone since she doesn't even know what a cell phone is. Hiroshi worries to himself as he takes a bath...then Eko comes in, offering to wash his back.

Hiroshi's actually pretty chill and calmly says that, while she had her faults, the old Eko is who he wants back and asks if she can change back. He even asks for her tone-deaf singing, offering her a microphone. Eko takes the microphone...and rocket punches him through the wall, saying she isn't tone deaf.

The punch knocks Hiroshi into the bleach and, the next day, Hiroshi looks like a delinquent.

End of chapter.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 50: Everyone's White Christmas

Eko sleeps on top of Hiroshi's futon, eventually rolling up into a cover sushi with him.

She actually ends up taking them both outside, causing Hiroshi to wake up in shock in the middle of the street, Eko mocking him for his "poor sleeping habits".

At the Kawasumi house, Kawasumi has her siblings and Nano run around outside to get warm because they have no electricity or gas (Are their parents dead or...?). Eventually, they go back inside and get under the covers together for heat. The "covers" are actually a shitty sweater she was planning to give to Hiroshi as a present...but Kawasumi sees this as a greater need. Doesn't help when her little sister calls it "rags" though...

Yoshitaka is waiting at the park for Taeko, per their agreement. He calls himself an idiot for thinking she'd really come...only for a person in a mascot dog outfit to hand him a balloon. He asks if the mascot is alone too. The mascot nods. He then asks if he really has no luck with women. The mascot nods again. Yoshitaka responds appropriately:

To "punish" the mascot, Yoshitaka orders them to help him with his confessions. He confesses his love to the mascot...who hits him back. Yoshitaka is confused...only for the mascot to lift their head to reveal Taeko. Who uppercuts him.

Next, Shizuka bumps her head into Ryu's, who has just gotten new glasses. She gives him her old ones that work for some reason, her even commenting that they must have similar prescriptions. Also, her eyes are threes.

Next, breaking open her piggy bank, Eko is depressed that she has no money to buy Hiroshi anything with. Hiroshi comes in with some cake but Eko boots him out for coming in too suddenly. She doesn't know what to do...until she looks out the window.

The next day, Hiroshi wakes up to find it's colder than usual. Then he looks out the window to find a giant snowman with his features on it. Eko made it for him, telling him happy new year...on Christmas.

End of chapter.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 49: Don't Think, Feeeeeeeel

Ryu pulls Shizuka away and Masamune complains as he recognizes him. He asks if he and Shizuka are friends, siblings, a couple or if he's just some snot who thinks he can walk up and lecture anybody. Ryu then slaps Shizuka and then begins to walk away. Masamune calls him on hitting a woman and then says he was the one who gave her the smoke so he should be attacked too. Ryu stops...and keeps his back to him. Not really keen on being ignored, Masamune kicks at him and Ryu blocks him with two fingers.

Masamune somehow isn't surprised by that and walks off, telling Ryu that they need to do something more fun next time. Shizuka, shockingly okay with being slapped, notices a cut on Ryu's cheek from the kick but Ryu that doesn't matter; her heart is going to be hurt if she carries on like this. Ryu quotes Bruce Lee, saying "Don't think, feel.". Shizuka says she's become dirty and cries into his shirt.

Ryu throws away the cigarettes, saying she's not dirty. He tells her that what happened today will be their secret. The chapter ends with her asking why his eyes are threes when his glasses are off.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 48: Are There Cell Phone Delinquents Too?

In a flashback, Kawasumi gives Shizuka a ribbon to tie back her long hair with. She was going to cut her hair short but...eh, whatever.

Snap to the present and Shizuka wants to leave the student council. She fucked up too much and doesn't think she deserves her position. But, before she gets on the train, she finds out she lost her pass. She doesn't want to pay the expensive fare so, when an attendant asks her, she says she got on at the previous station. Her lie gets through and she ends up paying 160 yen (roughly $1.60). She did it as easily as she breathed. She skipped the fare, she bullied her president...she is officially a bad person. So, the only logical next step is to be even more filthy. She has to start smoking.

She buys a pack, takes out a cigarette, tries to light it...and drops it into the puddle at her feet. She's relieved...but a delinquent-looking kid, Masamune, comes up to offer her another one. She says underage smoking is a crime but he says it's a shame because she's so cute, she can pull it off. She's more mature than other girls so she should get a head start on growing up and smoke up.

Shizuka's still unsure so he says to just smoke one. If she does, he'll teach her more stuff. She reluctantly takes it, mentally saying goodbye to the council as he lights it...and Ryu stops him, grabbing his hand.

End of chapter.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 47: Cell Phones Grades, First Report!

School's over for now and the winter holidays are starting. Report cards are being passed out and Hiroshi's is...apparently bad (not sure how he gets to be on the student council with shitty grades but whatever). He's grateful he doesn't live with his parents...then Eko asks for them and hits him over the head with them. Then he has to take a picture to show his sister...but not before he fudges a few though.

Eko gets her report card and Hiroshi asks for it, excited to scold her like she scolded him...only to freak out when the supercomputer he lives with somehow got better grades than him.

Next up, Yoshitaka is asked to compare results with his classmates. He's unenthused...but he dares anyone that if they come up short to him, they have to spend Christmas Eve with him. Everyone is freaked out...but only Taeko loses to him (He had a higher grade in physical education than her...with a five.).

Yoshitaka's friends and classmates are in awe of his phys. ed grade...despite Kawasumi telling them a 5 (50%) is average. Then she sees Hiroshi's terrible grades and sees her chance: she approaches him, says his grades are not befitting a council member (SEE?) and offers to tutor him. He asks if they can start tomorrow...which happens to be Christmas Eve. She has the appropriate reaction (If I didn't bring this up before, Christmas is seen as a romantic holiday in Japan, reserved mostly for couples)

Then some students come up to Kawasumi to ask her if she has any plans for Christmas. She thinks she has to work everyday, in stupid costumes no less...but if Hiroshi sees her...she says out loud that she'll be quite happy.

Ryu finishes all of his winter homework. His eyes are threes now.

A teacher hands out coupons for the Anpanman movie. Taeko wants them.

Kawasumi's siblings show her their report cards. Nano does too and makes hers into a paper fan. The inside says she jokes too much during class. This worries Kawasumi...

Next, they hang up notes for Santa on the tree. Shinobu asks Santa for a bra, freaking out her older sister.

Sato delivers Hiroshi's report card to his older sister. Instead, she keeps Sato as a cell phone charm, despite his protests. Meanwhile, Hiroshi and Eko wonder what's taking him so long...

Hiroshi is still looking for Shizuka, who's still hiding from him...

End of chapter.

[itsbecauseyoureontopofthatphone]

Chapter 46: Destiny, Message Ninja

At school, Hiroshi is searching for President Kawasumi and when he finds her, asks for where Shizuka is. He needs to talk to her about the course of events for graduation. Kawasumi hasn't seen her either so Hiroshi suggests sending a message to her cell phone. Cue Eko and Nano, the first summoning Sato and the latter summoning Kotaro. The two ninjas decide to have a race to see who delivers the message first...

In the ninja village, a ninja named Danzou is woken up by his little sister. His mom calls him out for oversleeping, saying he needs to grow up to be a responsible ninja like his father. As the mom prepares breakfast, Danzou and his sister goes outside to play, both of them wanting the village to remain peaceful for years to come.

You know what's coming. The village is on flames in the next panel with Danzou's mom and his little sister missing. In the present, Sato and Kotaro stare each other down...then the school splits in half for a second before repairing, confusing Hiroshi and Kawasumi.

So the race is on. While racing, Sato asks Kotaro why he's serving Nano. Kotaro says that ninjas have no choice over their picks in masters and that he still moonlights as an assassin. Sato steps in front of him, telling him to draw his sword. Kotaro tells him not to be in rush to fight, asking if he checked to make sure if the entire village was really massacred. He tosses him a cell picture that contains him an image of Ayane, all grown up. Kotaro does stuff besides assassinations too, saying he has a job to rescue the princess in that photo. Kotaro says that this mission is more difficult than he anticipated though and that he's willing to accept Sato's help, saying that he thinks Sato is interested in the girl in the photo. He doesn't care either way, as long as he gets paid. Sato agrees, just this once...to save his little sister, even if he's just running into Kotaro's trap...

The chapter ends with them receiving candy from Eko and Nano.