almost home
occasionally subtle
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
ellievsbear
YOU ARE THE REASON
Product Placement
Peter Solarz
if i look back, i am lost
NASA
#extradirty
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Janaina Medeiros
DEAR READER
Keni
pixel skylines
trying on a metaphor
i don't do bad sauce passes
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@itsblossomsdiary
The first time I have encountered anxiety attack.
I thought the short of breath is caused by the covid-19 symptoms. My hands and feet became cold and there's this feeling of my throat that there's someone choking me to the point that I couldn't swallow my own saliva. Tightness on my chest is severe. I don't move because every move I made trigger my breath and I cannot inhale properly.
lessons i've learned in year 2021
The lessons that I will be putting below are not chronologically in order. Happy reflecting!
Before starting the lessons I've learned and experiences in my life, I want to emphasize that this year 2021 taught me a lot of things and it is the year of questions in a bad and a good way. Those questions I have in my mind eventually help me to know who I am. The year 2021 is the year that I've discovered and deeply know myself more and tailored my beliefs and values on what would I be in the future.
Despite the struggles and challenges I've encountered this year, I am still grateful. It might sound insensitive for those people who suffered and find this year cruel but actually, I also suffered.
So here are the lessons I've learned in year 2021.
1. Stop seeking validation and pleasing other people even our friends and family but I will only seek it from God.
- Seeking validation from other people is unnecessary and exhausting, they didn't even care what's going in our minds and they are care also about themselves. They also don't have the energy to remember all our embarrassing moments nor to us literally. I think if we will not stop or reduce this kind of thinking it will empty us it will drain us and even dictate who we are. It's so delicate to let people decide on who we are.
- I know we love our friends and family and how they also want good for us. But, somehow the best thing that they have in their mind for us is not really the best thing for us. I appreciate that I am surrounded by genuine and good people in my life. I love them and I'm thankful to God that I've met them. We could ask for their opinions and insights but at the end of the day do not let them decide on how we will run our lives. I've learned this quote that we should not hold accountable other people just because we've followed their suggestions to us.
Do not make decisions if you will blame it on someone.
2. Do not be afraid to be rejected and reject someone or something.
- Rejection is a part of life. We cannot avoid it from happening to us. It is normal, it is not just being accepted lightly in this world. When we say rejection we always associate it with negative quotes.
Being rejected is saddening and sometimes maddening but maybe it is the way to teach us to be patient or to redirect our lives or to even modify something in our lives, you'll know it tho. You know I think when you will be able to make yourself experience several rejections it makes us mentally and emotionally strong. It trains and challenges us. We non-obviously benefit from it and it unconsciously gives the courage and handles rejections appropriately.
Rejection is notably based on how we look at it but I choose to look at it like that.
Moreover, rejecting someone or something is also difficult because we don't want to make people feel bad or miss opportunities by not accepting them. But I've realized that rejecting is also a kind of boundary that we've imposed on ourselves. Directly saying NO to others and saying YES to ourselves is one of the things that we are saying to ourselves that we love them. We want to protect our energy, our mental state, and even heartaches.
In this area, I'm still having a hard time doing it, especially with my friends. I still have these flaws where I will say I will try to attend or do this but deep inside someday I just want to rest. I just don't want to give 50% attention to them cause I don't have much energy.
Therefore, I'm very blessed to have a best friend, friends, and family where someday I could say to them that I don't have the energy or in the mood to go out or do some things. On the other hand, I ask them if are they also in the mood to do this or that.
i'm losing my mindddd
As part of my personality whenever I feel something especially if it's bad, new, or unidentified, I always want to construct a solution for it immediately.
Badly, I also have this unhealthy behavior where I am not used to feeling the pain or whatever emotion I have at that moment. I'm always suppressing those emotions and end up having not enough in-depth assessment. Instead of just letting myself feel those emotions, I'm like "Oh alright I feel sad so what's wrong, and what do I need to do?" response.
So, as a person who always neglects her emotions and always wants to fix problems immediately. This is the proposal on how to process my thoughts to cope with or resolve them.
To give you an idea of who I am and where are these problems coming from hahaha I'm a working student and breadwinner.
This blog might relate also to breadwinners out there.
Okay, as a breadwinner and working student, obviously I have so much on my plate. It's inevitable that I'll have to compromise something, and that something might somehow cause of our deprivation or trauma in the future (let's talk about it in another blog).
What is my thought process whenever I feel overwhelmed or have an unidentified feeling that is new to me and I don't know how to handle it?
First is to take a deep breath and go through it. No matter how painful, sad, maddening, or strong emotions you are experiencing please please endure them. You can't get away with that. There might be a quick fix but it doesn't help in the long run, it actually might destroy you more.
Endure them because it's one of the most healthy options to rise up from the fall of your emotions. Cry it out, shout, and express it. Experience every emotion. It's valid because those emotions make us human and experience life.
As an avoidant, at first, it is very very hard for me. Until now, I'm working on it.
Secondly, it's assessment time! You've kinda had enough of those feelings.
Everything that we do has its own reasons
We are not aware yet
what is the best way to revenge if you're being cheated on...
he's my first boyfriend and i gave everything to him... most women are like that when they love someone. i'll not go into details about what exactly he did to me but we all know what's the feeling being cheated on.
so, here are my personal strategies on how to move on if you're being cheated on + chaotic ending of a relationship. --- this will serve as a reminder for me as well since my heartbreak is still fresh hehe
don't stalk him on social medias
lessen using social media for now...
delete all the pics and vids of you together
endure the pain, hatred, madness, unforgiveness, bitterness, and grieving, please process it and feel it even if it's super destroying
cope with a sober mind
don't sabotage yourself and think that if you'll get another guy, it will make him jealous, it will just lessen his remorse towards what he did to you
compose yourself, maintain your poise and sanity on social medias, and don't post anything that will make you look like affected, have a facade that you're just chill and he's not worth it even though deep inside we're really really having a hard time
don't post too much for now on social media, he'll be curious to you more, keep the mystery of what you're doing.
go to people who will help you and correct your thoughts when you're being emotional
go back to your hobbies or create new hobbies
don't isolate, whoever isolates himself will seek his own desire. there are so many temptations and distractions around us that we can immediately achieve nowadays, be careful, please.
read booooksssss, find a work, be a content creator, plan your glow-up journey, enroll yourself in what skills you want to learn
seek God in this suffering and pray ceaselessly.
the pain that you're feeling right now cannot compare to the joy that's coming!!! <333
brb, i will fix and organize this draft laterrrr :)))
it seems that i always write here on my tumblr whenever i'm on the verge of liking someone HAHAHA kinda funny!!
i think my EXPECTATIONS hinder me from fully appreciating and loving his efforts.
for ladies out there who have very high standards and first time to try to open their hearts to someone;
it's great that we have high standards and we are firm with them. but let us not be confused about our standards to expectations.
those expectations might ruin the genuine feelings and moments that we are supposed to enjoy.
some of my habits to stay healthy (body and mind) 🧘♀️🌿✨
have a set routine for every day (as i love it i always stick to it and i'm used to it)
exercise 5 days a week
rest from exercise 2 days
stretch before and after exercise
do at least 5 minutes of yoga every day (simple but effective exercises)
keeping track of my exercise (i like to be organized)
go for a run or walk in the evening, after lunch
incorporate to my diet foods such as: salmon, avocado, chia seeds (which i usually take every day) quinoa
always carry a bottle of water with me
drink a cup of tea a day (red, green, matcha, black, white, among my favorites) after meals
keep a record of my days, emotions, and feelings, in a diary (written and virtual)
meditate when I wake up and before going to bed
always keep my environment tidy as i like it
light incense (helps me to relax)
a lukewarm shower before going to sleep (helps me with the stress of the day or to feel better)
listening to positive affirmations and writing them down (i write down 5 for the morning and 5 for the evening)
spending time outdoors looking for new things to do
listen to or watch videos of people who inspire me and help me to keep improving my life
in the next post, i will share with you other habits that helped me to transform myself and change my negative ideas to much more positive ones 🤍
I can't describe the feelings that I have right now as I back read all of my "relationship" posts here. I'm just so happy because I am able to overcome those feelings and I'm happy being with myself. Sometimes, we just need to release those thoughts that we have so it will help us moved on and even not to make a first move in this confusing signals.
Actually, I just follow the instructions that helps me to be distant by him and it worked. It takes a lot of gut and patience to yourself in order for you to move on. But, trust the process. It really takes time. You cannot suppress it, just endure it. It's normal that we're feeling those heartaches. At the end of the day we are all human.
Our emotions make us human.
PS:
I'm very much thankful to tumblr that it helps me to carefree express all of my thoughts and even if it's too detailed.
i began to like someone but i think that it's really not the right time. and, yes i understand it, Lord. i could actually peacefully accept that situation.
i became so happy for the time i'm being with him virtually.
it's so weird cuz even i know i might say goodbye to him there's this feeling of genuine acceptance in my heart. maybe it's only the time that's not right for now. maybe we will meet in the future again.
it doesn't even make me feel the need to force me to pursue to have a relationship with him because i know you know what is ahead Lord. you know what's best for me.
sometimes, when we are so eager to get the attention of our crushes, we tend to do the things that we aren't doing before.
like, we could actually be a sad girl or sad boy just to make an indirect first move. It is just to signal that person or say things that we actually couldn't say to them directly. It is so complex even more when you guys don't have a clear definition of what's going on between you two, somehow that sounds M.U. (mutual understanding)
and most of the time, that is actually hurtful. we are unconsciously seeking their attention and trying to please them.
when you are infatuated with someone even the inane actions they do, you would try to create meaning on it and you even enjoy it. unfortunately, we think that those actions were related to us or it's for us.
it's like we give them extra attention on everything they are doing and that is where misinterpretations fall.
therefore, even a person shows us very obvious actions yet doesn't even have the gut to clarify their intentions to it on us, still, we should not frustrate and confuse ourselves from thinking and analyzing those actions until it was stated to.
that's why, if you are a friend with him, you should still treat him as a friend as you treat your guy friends also.
we, ladies, shouldn't be bothered by those confusing signals and when a boy does that to us, hopefully, our feelings to him will not justify those mixed signals.
when you start developing deeper feelings for him and even keep on thinking about his actions, we should distract ourselves.
to begin with, try to distance yourself from him and avoid talking often.
next, avoid talking to him like something is going on between you two. just communicate or talk to him on how you talk to your guy friends only.
then, do activities that will keep you from thinking about him such as reading books preferably non-fiction, watching movies and videos that will entertain you, going with your friends and do not talk about him, go for shopping or treating yourself, yoga and exercises and so many more.
it's kinda hard but we will go through it!!!
and i'm highly suspicious that everyone sees you wants you...
Mixed signals is all you give me. You act jealous when I talk to other people, then when I try to get close again, you pull away.
You confuse me, yet I continue to want you.
I just wish you would talk to me. Communication is all I ask for. Tell me everything about how you really feel about me, so my head can be clear.
beautiful distraction
immerse by those unwanted thoughts. it made me paralyzed and want to do nothing for a day. while being alone or taking a shower, i just suddenly cry because of those unending thoughts. it's happening to me for almost two months and it's so draining and exhausting. my emotions becoming more and more intense.
one day, i discovered a platform where people are also looking for a company, distraction for their thoughts, and craving social interactions met. i've met many great and kind people. i even make friends. they gave me the company that i am not expecting to have virtually. whenever i'm with them i feel kind, calm, and genuine.
we even called our friendship as "asianist group" lol
i thought i'm not the kind of person where can have friends online because of my busy and inconsistent commitments with people.
i know soon, we will become busy and live our own lives and can't even meet in discord. i think it's inevitable but for the time being, i want to genuinely cherish the times when i'm with them.
changes
sometimes whatever hard work you try to control your day to be disciplined or stick to your routine, there will be days that are different from the day you expect to be, and it's very much okay! we are not here in this world to experience the same thing over and over. the changes, variety, and unexpected thing is part of life.
