How to deal with immature behavior, when she's back in pull-ups full-time:
She's having a lot of daytime accidents, and you have no choice but to put her back in pull-ups, 24/7. Poor thing! That's a lot to adjust to at her age. You'd think she'd want to prove she's still a big girl, but sometimes, being in pull-ups can make her get fussy, act out, or be uncooperative. Here are some common, immature behaviors to watch out for, and how to deal with them!
She complains about being in pull-ups: Every girl experiences this sometimes. You're about to leave for the museum, and suddenly your babygirl starts squirming and whining: "Dadddddyyyy, I don't want to wear pull-ups today!" It happens to every little girl.
Just gently sit her down and reminder her: it's Daddy's decision, Daddy's responsible for helping her stay dry, and it's "just in case" she has an accident. Remind her how upset she gets when she has an accident and wets her pants. You might ask her what's worse: having an accident in your pull-up, or wetting your pants? Hopefully, she'll get the picture, and you don't have to bring up any of her more... memorable accidents of late. If she doesn't, that's okay. That's why you put away all her panties a few weeks ago, right?
She isn't changing her wet pull-ups, and keeps leaking: You might think your babygirl is mature enough that she can be allowed to change herself when she's wet. But that's a lot of responsibility for one girl, and frankly, she just might not be ready for that yet. Pull-ups only hold one accident, so if she's not careful, or forgets to change, she'll leak.
I think that it's perfectly sensible to tell her– at least for now– that Daddy is going to be changing her. Or, at the very least, when Daddy says it's time to change, she needs to change. It's hard enough to be trying to get to the potty all the time! You're just looking out for her, and helping make sure the car seat doesn't get any more stains on it than it does already.
She's not telling you when she had an accident: This is very common for lots of little girls. She might have tried to hold it a little too long, or waited to get up off the couch, until it was too late. But... what now? If she tells you about her accident, that makes her look like a baby, and she desperately wants to appear mature. Plus, Daddy's gonna find out anyway... what's the big deal?
Turns out, for Daddy, it *is* a big deal. Her pull-ups are only meant for one accident. If she has another accident, she could leak all over the couch! If you start noticing this behavior, you have to sit her down and give her a talk. "Honey, if you don't tell me when you have an accident, I'm going to have to start checking you myself, even when we're in public. You're not going to like that very much. Can you be a big girl, and tell me instead?" Her beet-red face should tell you that she understands perfectly.
She isn't covering up her pull-ups: it's inevitable. A little waistband riding up on her summertime shorts, a brief moment where her skirt gets stuck flipped up after she stands up. Those things will just happen from time to time. That's why you're there to remind her to pull her shirt down, or pull her jeans up for her. But some girls just don't have the awareness that they're showing off their pull-ups to everyone. Too much of that, and everyone will make fun of her.
I suggest dressing her in ways that can adequately cover her pull-ups, so she isn't the subject of unnecessary teasing. Snap-up onesies, leotards, or overalls all do great work for keeping her friends or family from seeing. Tell her that it's not her fault– you just need to help her keep her special underwear a secret.
She starts taking her pull-ups off: This is a problem, and it should not be tolerated. If you catch your babygirl with her pull-ups off, she needs to be marched straight to her room to be changed, and probably punished. You need to make sure she knows that this is very bad behavior, and she will be punished if she continues to do it. Remind her that you're just trying to make sure she's safe and protected from her accidents. Her pleas of "I don't need them..." and "I'm not a baby..." should be treated gently, but you should let her know that this behavior will not be allowed, going forward.
If it continues, over and over, there are some steps you can take. I discovered that some make onesies that zip up in the back, in a way that makes it hard to remove without supervision (ask me how I know...). That way, she can't take her pull-ups off. A little extreme, but for some little girls, you just have to do it for a while, until she's ready to be mature and stay in her pull-ups.
She acts out when you check her in public: You need to remain calm, be firm with her, and tell her that she needs to act like a big girl, not a baby. She might not understand that acting out like this makes her look immature. She may mistakenly believe that squirming away or avoiding you will make her feel more mature. You need to remind her that she is going to be checked in public, whether she likes it or not. Especially if she can't be honest with you when she's wet. If she continues to fuss, or whine, there's little to be done other than take her by the hand and march her straight to the family changing room. It's not a bad idea to emphasize that, if she is going to make a fuss every time you check her, diapers might be more appropriate...
She starts using her pull-ups like diapers: It can happen– she gets a little complacent, or lazy. Whereas before, she was running to the potty at every little tingly feeling, now she doesn't even get up, or halfheartedly walks toward the bathroom before stopping in her tracks, eyes glazed over, and wetting herself. You'll notice this is happening when she never seems to be dry whenever you check her. You need to figure out whether she's just being lazy, or her bladder control really is getting worse. Either way, you need to let her know that this behavior can't continue– she can't keep leaking in her pull-ups– and that she needs to try as hard as she can to stay dry.
The threat of putting her "back in diapers" should be enough to really drive the point home for her. If she was just lazy or unmotivated, that alone should be enough to get her to try hard again. And, if she really is losing control, then... maybe diapers aren't such a bad idea after all. If– after all the encouragement, threats, ultimatums– her accidents just get worse, it might be time to give diapers a try. Sure, she's not going to be using the potty anymore, but at least she won't be so embarrassed every time she leaks onto her pants, right? And, as her caregiver, diapers are a lot easier for you to manage her toileting needs. No more pulling her shoes off just to change her pull-up, or after every accident. Because she can stay in them for longer, you can just change her diaper when it's more convenient for you.
Pull-ups really are meant for responsible, mostly-potty-trained girls. Perhaps she just needs to be back in diapers, and you can wait until she's mature enough to start potty training her again. Whenever that is. We'll see, sweetie pie, we'll see...
How to Untrain your Girlfriend Back to Diapers - A Realistic Guide
She secretly told you she wants to be treated like a baby, and wear diapers. Too late! No takebacks. Looks like we have to train you to be a helpless, accident-prone baby who's dependent on Daddy now. This is what you wanted, isn't it?
So many "unpotty training guides" online are pure fantasy. I want to offer a different perspective that focuses on realism, from my experience.
- The goal is less control: Can adults really, really ever lose all of their bladder control, after they've been potty trained? Does it even matter? Let's skip the debate over whether you can actually, fully, 100% untrain anyone. We're just trying to get your girlfriend to get worse at getting to the potty on time, have a harder time holding it, leak more in the day, wet the bed at night. Just like when she was a little girl. And that, my friends, is 100% possible for any girl.
As adults, we usually are trained to have rock solid bladder control. But as hard-earned as that control is, once it starts slipping, it generally keeps going in that direction. You just need to slowly, slowly erode her control, until wearing her protection seems like a more and more sensible option.
- The Tipping Point: Here's the secret of diapering someone. You don't need to get them to fully, completely be helplessly wetting themselves all the time. You just need her to start having enough accidents, enough leaks, enough rushes to the potty, that pull-ups and diapers start to make more sense.
Once she wears pull-ups, she'll just start subconsciously relying on them a teeny, tiny bit more. Why? Conditioning. If she wets them, even a few times, she'll realize that she's a little more safe, it was no big deal, it helped her not have to rush to the potty. The scales are slowly, slowly tipping. Will she rush to the potty as fast next time? Not if she knows, subconsciously, that she's protected. That means more accidents, more wet pull-ups, more leaks, and bam: more reasons to put her back in diapers.
- The Spiral: It goes like this: your girlfriend starts wetting the bed occasionally. So, you put her in pull-ups, to keep the bed dry. Then, almost like magic, over the next few months, her bedwetting becomes more and more frequent, until she's wet practically every night. Her pull-ups are soaked whenever she wakes up, and she's not getting out of them any time soon.
What happened? The Spiral. The pull-ups helped her subconsciously relax at night, not having to worry whether she would wet her bed or not. They also keep her from getting up to use the bathroom at night, since she's cozy and secure from accidents anyway. So, she subconsciously starts letting go, and her bedwetting gets more frequent. Soon, you have a total baby on your hands!
This is the First Law of Diapering: the longer you're put in diapers by someone, the more likely you are to regress to needing them. Just the dynamics of diapers themselves make it likely you start to rely on them. It can take months, or years, or longer... but it happens!
This is especially true for tape-on diapers. Now, she can't take them off as easily. If she's in them at night, she's going to use them, whether she wets in her sleep or while awake, so she's always waking up wet. In the daytime, because they hold multiple accidents, she slowly becomes less and less aware of how many accidents she's having. Because she's always at least a little leaky and wet down there, she subconsciously relaxes, and she feels like she has to pee more often. When she's in public, she'll be a little embarrassed and won't want to draw attention to them, so she's less likely to want to take them off in the public restrooms and use the toilet. It's easier if she just uses her diapers and hope nobody notices that she's peeing. What's more, by putting her back in diapers, the unspoken understanding is that she's not expected to make it to the potty anymore. That would do a number on any babygirl's control...
- Excuses to diaper her: Once her bladder control is in question, there can be a lot of opportunities to put her in diapers. Long car rides, shows, vacations (with infrequent access to bathrooms), etc. Get creative! Maybe it gets harder and harder for her to make it on a trip without using the bathroom. So, you suggest she be diapered for a particularly long car ride. Sure, it's embarrassing for her, but she makes it through the trip, and she doesn't have to worry about stopping anymore. Isn't that great? Now, it's just a few more times before it becomes normalized. A few more trips like that, and she'll start asking for diapers herself. She can't go on any trip in the car without at least some protection, of course. As her bladder conditions itself to get more active in the car, she'll feel anxious if she's *not* diapered on car rides. Mission accomplished! She's getting closer and closer to conditioning herself to wear diapers.
- Bedwetters are just different: Babygirls who wet the bed, or used to wet the bed when they were younger, are much easier to regress. That's the the Second Law of Diapering: bedwetters usually regress in their potty training faster. I don't know why! It's just true. Something about your night-time control being worse has some effect on your daytime control. Maybe it's all the memories of soaked sheets and embarrassing mornings. Whatever it is, it's a fact.
Once she wets the bed for the first time, you're suddenly a *lot* closer. Now, it's sensible to put the bedwetter back in pull-ups, right? Of course. The beginning of the spiral.
- Diapers are a relief: At some point, your girlfriend is going to be having enough accidents that the pull-ups start to get... questionable. When was the last time she kept one dry, anyway? Maybe she had an embarrassing leak while out in public, and they're just not cutting it.
This is where diapers seem more and more attractive. They promise to hold all her accidents. She's less likely to be stressed that she'll leak. She is going to need your help changing them, but at least she doesn't have to be responsible anymore. What a relief!
You can usually tell she's at this point when you detect a change in mood in her, after she's diapered after a long day of leaks. She's just more relaxed now, when she's protected. She's more confident, bubbly, talkative, and oh so cute. Other than an embarrassing diaper change or two on her bed, what's not to love about her new, more babyish life?
Now, the rest is just sensible. Obviously, she's to be diapered around the house and in public from now on, with maybe a few exceptions for pull-ups around family, or while exercising, or with certain clothing choices. She's diapered every night, too. It's a Christmas miracle! The rest takes care of itself.
I hope this guide leads to more leaks, more embarrassing mornings, more questionable control, more "having the talk" about putting her in diapers again, and more helpless, dependent little babygirls.
Just a few ideas of teases, jokes, taunts, and exciting promises to your little one to make them as blushy, little, and regressive as possible.
"I love you, too... but I still think you need to stay little a bit longer. Don't worry, I'll take care of you, little one!"
"Aww, you LOVE being mine, don't you? Come on, you can tell me."
"Who's my good little baby, huh? Is it you? Who's my blushing baby, hmm?" (Extra points if you peel their hands back when they cover their face)
"Well, I think my little angel might need a diaper bag, hmm? Are you big enough to hold it, or should i?"
"That's ok baby, I know you can't handle all those big adult things. That's why I made you my little baby again, isn't it, huh?"
"I love you, but I don't think you're ready to be big quite yet.. maybe if you're very, very good I can give you a shot at pullups... but not quite yet!"
"Does somebody need a trip over my lap? Somebody just needs a spanking to know how to be good for me?"
"Awww, you don't like being babied? But you seem VERY excited down here..."
"Hey hey hey, hands off unless you need mittens! Maybe you need those hands protected..."
"What, do you get EMBARRASSED thinking people can see you be my cute baby? Huh? Well... good. I love when my sweetie is nice and blushy!"
"I just love how cute you look when you're feeling nice and snuggly"
"We should get dinner somewhere nice. Do you need extra layers, or do you think you can hold your potty like a big girl/ big boy?"
"Now honey: I know you want to be big, but I'm just not sure yet. Don't you just love your stuffies, and being a good little one? Hmm? Exactly! No more of that silly 'big boy/girl' talk"
"Awww, i just love seeing you so cute and baby brained!"
"Well SOMEBODY needs an early bedtime... and I don't think it's the (big girl/big boy), or the (mommy/daddy), do you?"
"I just love how SWEET you are when you're all little and needy for me. I might have to keep you this way..."
"I just love it when you get all cute and blushy for me baby. Come on... show me those cute blushy cheeks! There they are!!"
"Awww, you LOVE it when I talk all cute and condescending, don't you little cutie?"
"Please, now, come along or do I need to show all these nice people what it looks like when you get a spanking, huh?"
"Good baby: I love finding you already nice and little for me!"
"Awww, is somebody blushing? Come on, you don't need to hide from me!"
"Oh silly, nobody cares that you're a crinkle pants, and I'm sure nobody will notice anyhow!"
"Don't you want to be my good baby? Hmm? Or do you need a STRICTER caregiver, huh?"
"Are you wet again already? Really? Did somebody go potty in their diapee, huh?"
"Well who could have known: a Wet diapee? I guess I was right to keep you nicely padded, wasn't I sweetheart?"
"Nobody will care, baby: you just let me worry about that, no reason for babies to worry!"
"Seems like SOMEONE really enjoys being my helpless little crinklebutt, huh?"
"Aww, don't hide that face! I need to see you being all flustered and cute!"
"Nope nope nope! We can't possibly leave until you've used the potty, and shown me your nicely wanted hands, little one!"
I'll add more as they jump to mind, but feel free to add your own and your favorites!
And as always, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay kinky!!
You could definitely take away the stuffies and the blankies and the sippies and the pacifier;
You could edit right out of my wardrobe the little dresses and jammies and onesies and ruffley pants, too.
You can take away all the legos and the playpen and the coloring books and cartoons;
You could put me into regular underwear and scold me to make me feel really stupid for making some sweet fun out of an uncooperative bladder that is embarrassing and that makes me feel like less of a woman…
You can strip away every single thing I’ve embraced that makes me feel cheeky and happy and light - you can accuse me of “distracting myself” and you can lay all of the blame at my sore, tired, little feet.
And there will still be a little girl inside of me that will cry out for love and affection. She will never go away, she will never disappear; she will always claw her way back out to the surface and demand to be loved and regarded.
And I think I’m just tired of constantly squashing her down and shutting her up.
She’s me.
And I don’t want to hide away, or be ashamed, ever again.
Managing and enforcing when your partner is or isn’t meant to be in diapers can be hard work. 24/7 keeps things simple with diapers always expected.
Constant control & presence
Your partner will always be reminded of their diapered status and your control over them. The diaper is a reassuring presence in their daily life and will act as a security blanket for them.
No more nasty public restrooms
24/7 diapers mean your partner doesn’t have to visit nasty and dirty restrooms when out of the house.
Prevents bing / purge, self-loathing & obsession
ABDL partners will often struggle with dangerous highs and lows of DD / Diaper interest. Moving them to 24/7 can massively help this by completely removing the gaps in wearing and giving them a more balanced life.
Normalises DD in your relationship
With diapers now being their default underwear you help normalise DD as an accepted part of your relationship. This can be especially helpful if your partner suffers from self-acceptance issues around their DD / Diaper interest.
Prevents cheating
A partner in 24/7 diapers is extremely unlikely to cheat on you. If they’re ABDL they’ll likely also be extremely grateful for being kept in diapers. You definitely shouldn't do it for this reason alone though.
The shared secret is fun
Knowing your boyfriend/girlfriend is wearing a thick diaper under their clothes when out in public is a fun secret to hold. Enjoy the subtle teasing and hints you can drop when out and about.
Add a caregiver aspect to your relationship
Although 24/7 DD shouldn’t completely change your previous “adult” relationship, it provides a way for you to add a strong aspect of caring for them into your relationship.
The bond formed by this during checks, changes and daily diapered life can significantly strengthen your relationship and the connection between you.
No more sharing a toilet
The toilet now becomes your domain, no need to wait to get into the bathroom or clear up after them. Especially with boyfriends in 24/7 diapers you’ll notice a much cleaner toilet and bathroom.
They’ll be less stressed and happier
Almost all partners report that 24/7 DD has helped improve their partners mental wellbeing. 24/7 to reduce stress from daily life is one of the most common reasons couple implement it. Often 24/7 for a few weeks or months is enough to reset your partner’s mental state.
Use it to introduce additional DD elements
Once your partner is in 24/7 diapers you can slowly add any additional elements you wish. Sissification, chastity and bondage are all common additions.
Enjoy their humiliation
Get a kick out of the humiliation elements of making your partner spend every hour in diapers. Teasing them about being a baby, being smelly or that people might notice can be fun! Watching them fill their diaper or them asking for a change will make you feel more powerful in the relationship.
Not being woken up in the night
Your diaper wearing partner now has no reason to leave the bed and wake you up in the night to go to the toilet.
It’s cute
Dress your partner is cute baby style clothes and enjoy seeing them waddling around your house in a diaper.
The bedtime ritual: One of the more tender moments in a DDLG relationship. For @daddyslittlesnugglebunny2 - it's a bubble bath followed by a fresh diaper along with her favorite PJs. We then cuddle up in bed with her stuffies , a sippy and a bedtime story. Daddy pro tip: make sure to do all the silly voices for each character while you read aloud to her.
Sometimes I’ll be tired (or let’s be honest too tipsy lol) after being out and my daddy will carry me from the car up to our apartment and he will do this when I fall asleep on the couch too and it makes me feel so small and loved 🥰 I just thought I’d share to give an example of a good relationship out there
Thanks for sharing a very sweet moment with us all here anon. Being carried is big little girl stuff.
On days that I'm feeling particularly strong, I'll air lift my little one to bed as well. On days that I'm not feeling particularly strong, I fill her water bottle and put it on the side of her bed. I fish her meds out of wherever they are, and put them next to her water. I find her vape, and add it to the collection. Finally, I peel back her corner of the covers so she can just roll in bed, when she finally makes it. That's how you do it if you don't have the size/strength requirements to carry your little one in your dynamic. There's always a workaround to showing your girl that you care and they matter.
I wonder why I have this kink, actually I don't know if kink is the right word here, but I have a thing for traditional men as my partner that always pick a good old fashioned spanking OTK as punishment for being bratty, misbehaving. Which reminds of a dad punishing her daughter and it's not like a kink but more a necessity. I don't want to enjoy the spanking I want it to make me tear up and feel smoll next to my big authoritive man 🥺 I wonder why I'm like this since I have good parents that love me and I had a good childhood from what I can remember.
ps: I love your blog 💋
The confusion you feel is not uncommon, I think many reading this blog will share it. In my conversations over the years, the question I've probably heard most often must be: "Why Am I This Way?"
Our erotic fantasies can seem very weird, even illogical, quite out of keeping with the public face we show to the world. But they only feel disconnected from us if we think of them as a reflection of ourselves “but sexier” - as if we’ve slipped on an alluring new outfit or libido-enhancing costume.
The key to deciphering our kinks is to see them not as sexed-up versions of our public selves, but as a manifestation of completely separate, intensely private persona, one we only reveal to those with whom we trust enough to be intimate.
If we want to understand our sexual needs, we need to look from a different perspective. We need to see them as attempts to master, or even triumph over, difficult incidents or circumstances from our early lives when our sexual imagination was developing.
Our fantasies allow us to eroticise emotional and even physical pain. Anxiety is intense emotional energy, and it makes for a potent fuel. Even if we grew up in a loving environment, the world we grow into can be a scary place.
At its most fundamental, sex is far more than the pleasant transient rush we get from physical stimulation. Sex is an expression of the basic need to be touched, to feel desired, and be understood. It is the universal human protocol for connecting, delivered by words and caresses, slaps and tickles, deep thrusts and furtive glances, and anything else we can imagine.
Sex takes us outside our everyday ordinary existence, we can use its power to create a triumphant redemptive moment – either in the company of lovers or in the privacy of our own imaginations. Sex creates a momentary utopia, like stepping through a magic portal into a private little sanctum governed by the rules of our own desires. A sanctuary where we can truly inhabit the present moment, when the pains of the past are corrected, and the future is a warm horizon of glowing possibilities.
For someone who lives a hectic life, or one burdened with responsibilities, their idea of sanctuary might be an erotic world where they didn’t have to be in charge, where they could pass the poisoned chalice of authority to an individual they respect, and whose dominant nature arouses them. Freed of the arduous burden of adulting, they can revel in the liberating open spaces of insignificance.
In this erotic sanctum, the pains of the past can not hurt them. All those late nights striving to succeed, the sacrifices they’ve made and the regrets accumulated, in their fantasies none of that matters, they no longer have to be the sensible one.
For someone who’s lived a life where every moment is haunted by dozens of painful emotional choices, it can be a blessed relief to suddenly be in a contrived fantasy world where they have absolutely no choices at all. For those who've spent a lifetime obeying every rule, it can be thrilling to feel the giddy dizziness of guilt and shame.
Perhaps you grew up without ever experiencing strong visceral emotions. Or you experienced too much, and now yearn for the meditative tranquillity of submission. Our sexuality represents the gaps in ourselves we yearn to fill. Being spanked to tears permits you to experience that intensity safely, in an intimate, almost ritualised setting.
Now authority and consequences give your life structure. You enjoy feeling small, but knowing you're also safe. You enjoy the catharsis of crying, but knowing that everything's going to be OK. Each is a perfectly reasonable desire to possess.
By consenting to a spanking, you willingly swap comfort for soreness. In the strange looking-glass world of erotic fantasies, subservience is freedom, and obedience is control.
That's why I believe our sexual fantasies can't be properly understood as “ourselves - but sexier”. Fantasies may unnerve us as they seem so unfamiliar and peculiar, but we should see them instead as projections of our deepest needs. They are alternative realities where pains can become pleasures, and the demons of our past can become our guiding angels.
Lina glanced up as the thirty-something man settled onto the bench beside her. He was tall, almost lanky, with the vibe of a college professor or perhaps a mildly hip accountant: green sweater vest with an anti-Pebble Mine pin on the left breast, neatly trimmed beard with a few flecks of gray, chestnut hair just this side of untamed. He rested a leather messenger bag on the bench between them. English lit essays waiting to be graded, Lina guessed. Or maybe sheet music?
She pointed. “That’s my boy over there. Teddy.”
“In the green jumper?”
Lina shook her head. “No. Teddy’s the one, uh…pushing the dump truck in the sandbox.”
Teddy was pushing more than just a toy dump truck. His bottom hovered an inch above the mounded sand. One hand rested on the yellow and black truck while the other was braced on the ground. He stared into space, lips pursed, his face red as an heirloom tomato.
“Ah,” the man said. “The squat. I know that position well.”
Lina sighed. “Indeed.”
“Let me guess: you changed his diaper, what, an hour ago?”
“I wish. Twenty minutes, tops. Right before we left home. And it was a messy one.” She shook her head. “How many times can one boy fill his pants in a day?”
The man smiled and extended a hand. His grip was firm but gentle. “Matt.”
“Lina.”
“Nice to meet you, Lina.” He pointed. “That’s my girl over there. Ellie. Cute as a button, but she might give your little guy a run for his money in the stinky diaper department. I swear we can’t get through a week without a total blowout. On Tuesday, it was in the checkout line at Kroger.”
Lina winced. “Yikes.”
“That’s what the cashier said.” Matt shrugged. “Comes with the territory, right?”
“I guess it does. Seems like just yesterday I put Teddy back in diapers full-time. Those first few months were rough. He’d rip them off whenever I wasn’t home and use the toilet. Then he’d lie about it. As if I couldn’t see the fluff and beads all over the bathroom floor.”
“Not anymore, huh?”
She chuckled. “These days, I’m not even sure he knows he’s peed until I grab him for a change.”
“Ellie was enamored with the idea of being my little forever-princess. She liked the cute stuff, at least. The clothes and the dolls. Pacifiers and storytime. And she loved not having to go to work anymore. The diapers were another story. But she’s adjusted.”
Ellie rode one of the swings, pumping her legs slightly out of sync, blonde pigtails flipping back and forth. She kicked her white velcro sneakers out when she was partway through each arc, and then pulled them back in a half-second too late.
“She’s adorable.”
“She’s a handful, but I love her to bits.”
They sat silently, watching their partners play in the warm afternoon sun.
Ellie slid off the swing and walked over to the sandbox. She observed Teddy for a moment, then plopped down in the sand next to him and picked up a plastic shovel. She scooped a shovelful of sand and emptied it into the back of Teddy’s dump truck. He smiled at her. She smiled back.
“Looks like Ellie might have made friends with your little guy,” Matt said.
“Wouldn’t that be nice. I’ve been looking for a playmate for Teddy. We’ve been to a couple of get-togethers at the Bigs-N-Littles group on Market and Stuyvesant.”
Matt nodded. “We went once, too. Not really our vibe.”
“Ours either. We met a boy and his mommy. They seemed nice. Until the biting.”
“The biting?”
“No clue how it got started. Teddy still won’t talk about it. They were playing in the other room, then the next thing I knew, Teddy was screaming, blood running down his arm. I couldn’t believe it. They’re not actual toddlers, you know? And the worst part was, his mommy laughed it off, like it was no big deal.”
“Baby boys will be baby boys?” Matt asked.
“Pretty much. Teddy had the brat’s teeth marks on his wrist for two weeks.”
“Some people,” Matt said, shaking his head.
“You’d think with lifestyles like ours, there’d be some common values, right? Things all of us mommies and daddies just agree on without even having to talk about it.”
“Like no biting.”
“Like no biting. Seems like a low bar when you say it out loud, doesn’t it? The vanilla world doesn’t get us. But sometimes, I don’t think I understand a lot of our people either.”
“I know what you mean.”
They sat in silence, watching the two big babies play in the sand.
Ellie wrinkled her nose and said something to Teddy that Lina couldn’t hear, but didn’t need to in order to guess the meaning. A moment later, she stood up and stomped over to the park bench. “He’s stinky!”
Matt chuckled. “You sure that’s not you, darlin’?” He reached up and gave the sandy seat of her pink overalls a squeeze.
She twisted away from him and glanced at Lina. “I use da potty.”
“Sweetheart,” Matt said, “we’ve talked about this. Diapers are your potty. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Certainly not in front of Teddy’s mommy.”
Teddy ambled over slowly. He stood a few feet back from the bench, eyeing the group suspiciously. Even the brisk, early-fall breeze and the scent of grilled onions and peppers drifting over from the hot dog stand across the square couldn’t cover the earthy stink of his freshly-loaded diaper.
“Teddy, please come here,” Lina said, beckoning him closer with her finger.
He shook his head, his long, brown hair flopping around. “I’m playin.’”
“Teddy. Don’t make me ask you again.”
He walked over with that awkward, bow-legged stance that Lina teasingly referred to as his ‘stinkypants shuffle.’ He scowled at her the whole way, as if his full diaper and subsequent embarrassment were her fault. At this distance, with his butt at eye level, the smell was overpowering. She glanced at Matt, wondering if she should apologize for the stench, then decided he must be used to these kinds of odors.
“Smells like someone has stinky britches,” she said to Teddy. “Is that you, Sweet Pea?”
Lina reached up and patted the sizeable lump in the back of his denim shorts. “Looks like someone left Mommy a big ol’ present in his diapie. Why don’t we go take care of that before you start leaking in your pants. Say goodbye to your little friend.”
Lina pulled his diaper bag onto the bench. Public bathroom changes were never fun, but at least Lil’ Park had a family restroom.
“We should probably get going soon, too,” Matt said to Ellie.
“No! I wanna keep playin’ wif Teddy,” Ellie said. “We’re making a princess castle.”
Matt and Lina exchanged a look. Matt shrugged.
“You don’t care that Teddy is poopy?” Lina asked Ellie.
“I’m not poopy!” Teddy snapped. “I said it’s just toots.”
“It’s okay, Teddy.” Ellie smiled at him reassuringly. “Sometimes I make stinky britches too.”
Teddy’s cheeks blossomed into a vibrant shade of red, but he smiled hesitantly.
“I suppose you can play for a few more minutes if it’s okay with Ellie’s daddy,” Lina said. “Matt?”
Matt glanced at his watch. “Ballet doesn’t start until 6:00, so we can hang out a little longer if you two are having fun.”
Ellie nodded her head vigorously.
“Alright,” Lina said. “Run along, then. Oh, and Teddy?”
He stopped and turned around.
“No backtalk when I have to change those smelly buns of yours, alright?”
“Okay!” he shouted over his shoulder as the two ran off toward the sandbox.
“Thanks for being flexible,” Lina said to Matt. “It’s nice to see him making friends. Especially ones that don’t care when he smells like that.”
Matt smiled. It was a nice smile, Lina decided. Warm. Genuine. “Ellie doesn’t usually just click with people like this, either. Not everyone likes playing in the sandbox as much as she does.”
“Which is crazy, because sand castles are frickin’ awesome. Though mine were always for dragons and their heaps of treasure. No knights or princesses allowed.”
“Want to build one now?” Matt asked.
“A sand castle? Seriously?”
“Yeah, why not?” Matt’s sea-green eyes lingered on hers. “I bet it’s like riding a bike.”
“You might be able to talk me into it. But only if I get the shovel. You can have the dump truck, I suppose.”
“Deal,” Matt said. “But it’ll be a knight’s castle, no princesses and definitely no dragons.”
“Hhhhhmm. Maybe one big castle with two separate wings? One for the elegant, shimmering dragons and another for the boring old knights and their rusty armor.”
Matt rubbed his beard thoughtfully. “A compromise, eh?”
Lina shrugged. “Stranger things have happened than knights and dragons getting along.”
An angry shout erupted from the sandbox, drawing her attention. Teddy stuck out his lip and kicked the dump truck away with his foot. Ellie looked at him in surprise, then down at the castle, which had collapsed into a pile of sand and a solitary, leaning turret.
Lina sighed. “Here we go. Tantrum incoming.”
Ellie stood up and yanked on Teddy’s arm. He looked as if he was going to resist, then shrugged and stood up, arms crossed in a childish pout. Ellie whispered something in his ear and then charged headlong towards the swing set. She dropped onto her belly on a swing, soaring with her hands extended forward like Superman. Teddy’s eyes grew wide, and a grin spread across his face. He ran after her and flopped down onto the swing next to hers. His legs flew too high and he nearly flopped forward off the swing, faceplanting in the sand. Then he corrected his balance and stretched out flat as she had, bellowing with laughter.
“Or maybe not,” Lina said. “Huh.”
Typically, this sort of thing would send Teddy into a spiral of pouting and fussing. Sometimes even name-calling. Once, during an epic fit at her mother’s house over Moose Tracks ice cream, Lina had nearly called the whole thing off. Told him they should return to how things were before. When he’d wipe his own ass and bring home a paycheck every two weeks. When a bad day meant an evening at Tio’s with Jeff and Luke. She’d loathed those evenings at the time. He’d stumble home reeking of stale sweat and tequila, expecting sex because it ‘helped him clear his head.’ She’d tolerate a few minutes of awkward groping and half-hearted thrusting followed by a couple of tepid spurts. Only the ear-splitting snoring that followed truly evoked a response from her body. But then that would be that. She’d put on her headphones, pour a steaming mug of yerba mate and forget all about Ted and his pissy attitude. The next day, all would be forgotten.
That’s not how things were with Teddy. When Teddy was angry, or sad, or his tummy hurt, it was her problem until it was resolved. And on that particular day at her mother’s, it meant he was hucking Hot Wheels at the living room wall, screaming for more ice cream, while she gulped a glass of wine in the kitchen and tried to collect her thoughts.
Then, in the middle of his epic ice cream shit-fit, he’d kicked the couch leg. At least, that’s what she pieced together later. He kicked it hard enough she heard the crack from the kitchen. He started crying. Wailing, really. A gasping, red-in-the-face howl that set off car alarms and made dogs bark three blocks away. When she rushed into the room, he’d looked up at her, eyes full of tears. All anger vanished. He needed her. Needed her comfort. Her support. Her love. All her doubts and second-guessing melted away. She wrapped him in her arms, and all was forgotten. Or nearly forgotten: she’d still spanked his bottom bright red when they returned home, but he’d known he deserved it and kept his complaints to a couple of yelps during the paddling and a lingering sniffle afterward.
“I’m not sure what Ellie just did, but it seems like it worked,” Lina said. “Maybe she could teach me a thing or two about managing my boy’s moods.”
“You know, her ballet lessons have been a huge help,” Matt said. “It’s a mommy-and-me class with a bunch of other littles. Miss Kara stresses empathy and understanding. Turns out a lot of littles give up on manners along with their potty training. I’ve seen a big change in her behavior since we started going.”
“Sounds fantastic.” Lina stared straight ahead and tried to keep her voice casual. “Does Ellie’s mommy enjoy the class too?”
“No mommy,” Matt replied, his tone even. “It’s just me and the punkin’ these days.”
Lina felt a surge of excitement at that answer, followed by an equally strong pang of guilt. Better than anyone, she knew how lonely this life could be.
“Well. I’m sure you look stunning in a floofy tutu,” she said.
“I do, in fact.”
Lina turned toward him. “No way.”
He was either telling the truth, or he had a killer poker face. Lina found herself hoping it was the former. The image of this handsome, confident man dancing around in a pink, glittery tutu made her smile.
“What? You don’t think I can pull it off?” he asked.
“Oh, I’m sure you could, I just don’t think you do. I might need to ask Ellie to confirm.”
“Go for it.”
“I will,” she said. “You’re gonna be so embarrassed when she tells me what a big, fat liar her daddy is.”
“Or…” Matt said.
“Or?”
“You don’t have to take my word for it. See for yourself.”
“Nice try, but last I checked, those are Dockers you’re wearing, and I don’t think you’ve got a tutu hidden underneath them either.”
He shook his head. “No hidden tutu. Join us at ballet tonight. Miss Kara takes walk-ins. First class is always free.”
Did he just ask her out? On a date? Couldn’t be. They’d just met. And most of their conversation had centered around dirty diapers and sand castles. “Thanks for the invite, but we need to get home and make dinner. Teddy skipped his nap today, so it’ll be an early bedtime.”
“Ah,” Matt said.
Was that disappointment in his voice? He didn’t employ any of the polite little lies you tell someone to let them off the hook easily. He just let the awkwardness hang in the air.
Lina turned her attention back to Ellie and Teddy. Ellie had abandoned her Superman routine and was straddling one of the swings, rocking back and forth and shouting ‘giddyup!’ at the top of her lungs. One hand clutched the chain, the other whipped through the air. Teddy watched for a second, then started to climb onto the swing with her.
“Wait!” Lina shouted.
Too late. Teddy awkwardly lowered himself onto the swing with his new buddy, no doubt spreading and squishing the mess in his pants into something truly unholy.
“And there’s your blowout for the week,” Matt said.
Lina sighed. “No kidding. Looks like we’ll need to build in tubby time, too.”
If Ellie minded the smell, or the extremely cramped quarters, it didn’t show. She threw her head back and laughed as they started to swing back and forth together. Teddy grinned and shouted ‘giddyup!’ whenever she did.
“Sometimes I’m envious,” Matt said. “The way she can just be in the moment. Not a care in the world. Not worrying about emails or bills or whether she looks silly.”
“I know what you mean,” Lina said. “Then again, I’m not sure I could give up espresso. Or true crime podcasts. Or Chilean Merlots.”
“Or the toilet, for that matter,” Matt added with a chuckle.
“There’s that,” Lina said, laughing along with him.
Still, the joy on Teddy’s face made her wonder. He looked content. More than content, really—joyful. Rapturous, even. Almost like he was having a…
Lina leaned forward for a closer look. “Uh, Matt.”
“What’s the matter?” Matt asked. He looked where Lina was pointing. “Oh. Huh.”
The swing hung in place, Ellie and Teddy’s equestrian escapades forgotten. The two stared into each other’s eyes, all their attention on grinding their two diaper bulges against one another.
“I am so sorry,” Lina said. “I let Teddy out of his chastity cage today so he could air out a bit. Honestly, it’s been so long since he’s been unlocked—or even asked about being unlocked—I thought maybe he’d just…I dunno, forgotten about all of that stuff?”
“It’s alright. I’m sure Ellie instigated it. I’ve walked in on her having lots of vigorous one-on-one time with her dolphin stuffy lately.”
Lina started to stand up. “We should break this up before—”
“Before what?” Matt asked.
She looked away. “Before they, you know…”
Matt shrugged. “Looks like they are both having a good time, doesn’t it?”
Lina considered that for a moment. She settled back onto the bench. “I suppose so. After so many bubble baths and diaper changes, I guess I kind of forget about the grownup inside him, you know? I don’t see that side much anymore. I miss it sometimes, I think.”
“I know what you mean.”
The two had picked up the pace of their diaper humping.
“I don’t imagine we’ll have to wait too long,” Lina said. “Teddy was always more of a sprinter than a marathon kinda guy.”
Matt laughed.
Lina giggled. “Sorry. You probably didn’t need to hear that.”
“It’s okay. But looking at Ellie’s face, I’m going to have to disagree. I bet she’ll beat him there by a mile.”
“No frickin’ way.”
Matt raised an eyebrow.
Lina felt that familiar flush of embarrassment. Were they actually betting on whether her boy would spurt in his diaper first? She decided to ignore that anxious, uptight voice in her head. If Teddy could live his life in the moment, following his instincts, why couldn’t she? At least once in a while. “Okay, you’re on. If I’m right, you have to change a positively toxic diaper.”
“You think he’ll let me change him?”
“You think I’ll give the little stinker a choice?”
“Fair point.”
“And if Ellie beats my boy there…” Lina struggled to think of a fair wager.
“You’ll buy me a cup of coffee after ballet.”
“Excuse me?”
“If my girl gets there first, you two join us for ballet class, and then we get coffee afterward.”
Lina’s heart skipped a beat. “We have to get home. Teddy needs his dinner and his tub.”
“Then come to my place instead.”
“Your place?”
“I have all of the essentials: chicken nuggets, bubble bath, and an unopened bag of Ethiopian beans that’ll knock your socks off.”
Lina tried not to let the excitement show on her face. “I don’t know. It’ll be late. Besides, I thought I was supposed to pay for the coffee?”
“The kiddos can play after their bath. Ellie has blocks and trains and a dollhouse and all kinds of fun stuff. We can sip some coffee on the balcony. Or Merlot, if that’s how the spirit moves.”
Ellie looked at the two on the swing, lost in their own, sensual little world. They both looked happy. Present in the moment. Connected. Maybe she could have something like that too. Even if just for an evening.
She turned back toward Matt. “You know, I think I’d like that.”
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