Hit the F'it Button!

My name is Erica. I go through things, why not randomly share my perspective on life and blog about it! It is what it is!!!

[itsericamichelle]

I've been trying to pinpoint my current emotion making me pull away from people and i honestly think I'm just sad.

[itsericamichelle]

Weight loss update just pics for now because I'm not in a write and bare your soul kinda mood. Discharge day post surgery pics taken October 2023. Sweaty post workout pics taken March 2024.

[itsericamichelle]

I've been struggling with my weight all my adult life. It became more difficult after the 3rd child was born. I've gone through the normal ways of getting the weight off gym, trainers, change of diet, weight loss pills/shots/programs, etc... all the things and all the ways but still i yoyo'd.

There was a time when i decided that i would always be heavy and i decided that i was okay with that. Once i began to travel internationally and love it my weight was again an issue because for me traveling uncomfortably takes away from the benefit and enjoyment.

In order to live my life peacefully i require hobbies i love and activities i immensely enjoy and I have to be 100% comfortable and my size/health made that impossible.

October 19, 2023 at 262.4 lbs i underwent gastric bypass surgery. I will continue my weight loss journey and living my best next chapter actively and comfortably!

[itsericamichelle]

Don't have nothin better to do than smother me. #peanutbutter #doglife #needy #sweet https://www.instagram.com/p/CmacfoJrdNywiBDxIw7OslaTeDn0AFkbk4QwFo0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[itsericamichelle]

So many things happening, where to begin? First attack of the exes I've had 3 exes in the past month attempt to come back (didn't happen). An uncle died, an uncle dying (less than 4 months to live). A close friend diagnosed with bone cancer. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to handle all of this but I'm trudging through as usual.

I traveled back home to spend time with my sick family and friends and it's been trying. I'm physically tired, emotionally exhausted, and mentally spent with a week left in this trip.

I just want to crawl up in a quiet corner with a good book and shut down. Reading uninterrupted for hours on end would be my salvation right now. I don't want to deal with any of this. I've had so many conversations about death that my joy has been drained. I'm fully aware this is my fault but i can't show the emotion people need to see to leave me alone for a while and process. If you're stoic and visibly unemotional the belief is that you're not really affected. I can do funny or serious but not emotional so I'm labeled strong and am relied upon to have the hard conversations all the time.

I'm tired!

[itsericamichelle]

Team outing. When you like your colleagues!#worklifebalance #teamouting (at Downtown Nashville) https://www.instagram.com/p/ChI7e21rj79t3pOVbGzqOqnUGlwVpLrT42BqIQ0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[itsericamichelle]

Kinda day! #nitropepsi #coffee #vanilladraftcola #draftcola (at Downtown Nashville) https://www.instagram.com/p/ChIKyYNLb--IANiHFTukd-si90Wjs1nsoh1-KE0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[itsericamichelle]

Been busy baking for my beans. The non messy cake is what my grandson requested for his birthday but the messy cookies & cream cake is what he got. He loved it and it tasted great and at the end of the day that's all that really matters. I had fun with this one!

[itsericamichelle]

Lately I've been super stressed where my bp is high and migraines are recurring. Gardening tends to be the only thing that helps (I started a couple of years ago and really enjoyed it. I neglected my small garden because work and family took priority and not me). So my gardening box for my grandkids has turned into so much more. Now every morning i come out to tend my garden, automagically the headaches and overwhelming stress fade away.

My next step is figuring out how? With my savings depleted and credit not like it used to be due to financially helping family during this pandemic, do i make my love of gardening into a profitable self sustaining farm so i can quit my job and enjoy the rest of my life?

I found my passion so late in life.

If you read this and you have advice on how to make it happen I'm open to listening!!!

[itsericamichelle]

I have started and stopped my weight loss journey too many times to count and i always promise myself that i will document it. But i never do because of shame, insecurities, laziness... This time i think I'm ready so I'm going to start and i will document the wins and the fails, the starts and the stops.

Maybe this time i will be more successfully holding myself accountable and saying fuggit to all the rest!

[itsericamichelle]

Went to the store for food and this was thrown in... #summertime #grands #beans #bluebell #kids https://www.instagram.com/p/CfAwwkLOSL3Pcb4gEh2CJZLC2OY9lNI4XyIkg80/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[itsericamichelle]

Family https://www.instagram.com/p/Ced7WMELUnmm2meeJMmSc1qOTbu3Xxt1GexDXo0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[itsericamichelle]

#karma https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc1fnQtA7zTeWZXaOuNaiYc0rAG-WPq2Fq8S9A0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[itsericamichelle]

#reparations #black365 (at Worldwide) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ccq8OxIgSacCkFzIJ-pIXvUHyRKyyh_HexxMus0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[itsericamichelle]

#dap #black365 #blackbrilliance #blackexcellence #blvcklyst (at Worldwide) https://www.instagram.com/p/CcJRonigXx8oS-1v_kN3gxLMh3Sh5C5yE5FxAM0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[itsericamichelle]

#locsoflove (at Nashville, Tennessee) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cb5vbhZr8T3TVtZn1fVsUzGr1PJhobhhdKHhhE0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[itsericamichelle]