Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and canât seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a couple therapy sessions wouldâve done the trick.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver. You've never been a fan but isn't it like, one of the most exclusive sports in the world?
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x reader
Chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |
Also on AO3
Chasing Firsts | MV33
First Loser (part 1)
Summary: After moths of barely managing to navigate your first year in Formula One, the media finally seem to finally learn your name. Cameras start following you everywhere, your face gets put in every cover and videos of you open every sports news program. Oh, how you wish it was because you were winning left and right, and not because you got yourself into a massive fight with the famously outspoken driver: Max Verstappen.
Pairing: Max Verstappen x reader
Word Count: 8k
Warnings: accident, anxiety, enemies to lovers
Also on AO3
First Winners (part 2)
Summary: After a challenging first season, you return to the Formula One world with renewed determination and lots to prove. You and Max have finally left your rivalry behind and the future has never looked more promising.Â
Pairing: Max Verstappen x reader
Word Count: 11k
Warnings: emotional distress, mentions of injury
Also on AO3
if i lose my mind is so coolâŠâŠ iâm so curious now i literally have no idea what to thinkâŠâŠ there are so many possibilities for what could be happening!!! itâs amazing and i love it. thank you for writing it!!
Thank you so much anon! I too love writing it for you and everyone reading it. The fic has been in the works for a long time, so I'm even happier you are enjoying it. You really made my day đ
Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and canât seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a couple therapy sessions wouldâve done the trick.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver.
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x reader
Chapter: Previous | Next | Masterlist
Word Count: 6.1 k
Also on AO3
âWhat?â his voice bounces inside the bathroom, the door swinging open to reveal a very confused Daniel with his shirt half over his head âOf course you can come to the party. You have to!â
Your gaze lowers to your hands, fingers picking at the bedding âWell, I donât know, you didnât want me going to the paddock, so I thought-â
âNo, but thatâs exactly it!â he cuts short your pondering âThereâs nowhere to go, like, itâs right here! I had to convince everyone, but itâs perfect for you. Listen, I thought about everythingâ
You wish he had not said that.
With that, the trap is uncovered right before your eyes. A brand new and improved test of your acceptance of this reality, now wrapped in a fabulous party in celebration of Danielâs win and designed for⊠you? How gullible do they think you are? Or is that exactly it?
They are creating this narrative of Daniel being your ally, the good cop who tells you upfront exactly what they have planned to fool you into cooperating. It is what they tried with Nick, Carlos, Charles,⊠and in a gentler way, with Lewis. But now, Daniel has been left as your only confidant, simply by a process of elimination. He is the only one you have been allowed to freely talk to, the only one who doesnât turn the world over at the mention of this reality.
âYou said the buildup was too much the other day, so weâve been talking and thought that if itâs just here⊠No media, no fans or anything like that. Just us. Youâd be more at easeâ Daniel explains his thought process for planning the night. No, their thought process âAnd you can come back to the room whenever you need it. The place is just by the hall, youâll seeâ
âBut itâs⊠I donât knowâ
The fight happening within you is what finally traps your questions in. They have been talking, that is your only takeaway. Why though? Why are they so eager to continue this lie? To keep you here? And why arenât you jumping at the opportunity? You need time to figure everything out, to answer all these questions before they decide this line is a lost case. This is exactly what you wanted.
âCâmon, even if itâs a hour, 30 minutes, it doesnât matter! Just a bit so you can ease slowly into it before the next race. Itâll probably be just the team anyway, you know most of themâ Daniel continues his attempt to reassure you, as if the happiness in his voice could by itself dispel your doubts âLook, Iâll be happy with just a minute even, just enough for me to show off my plus one, you know?â
You look up at that, of course. Your weak spots so easily found, they can just gnaw at them. Yet, you could swear you see a hint of a blush blooming on the Australians cheeks at his cheekiness. Although that is before he finally gets rid of the shirt that has been hanging off his arm for the entire conversation, and throws it at your face.
âEh!â
âNo, thatâs what you get for making me beg you to come!â Daniel nags as he disappears back into the bathroom. You hear the shower start, some rustling before he shouts âDonât play hard, I know you are coming. After all this time, too, you wouldnât miss itâŠâ
You would not miss it, that is the truth. It is his first win of the season, a deserved one at that, with a car which now, thanks to him, sits in the fifth position of the grid. You know it has been a horrible season for McLaren, a worse one for Daniel. The rumours about his retirement from Formula One tainting every Grand Prix weekend since the start. You had found plenty of them in your research.
And yet, when the time came to celebrate this amazing milestone, your comfort came first. It is sudden, yes, but he is warning you hours before it, asking you to go instead of imposing it. How could you miss it?
The honest truth is that you wouldnât miss it for anything⊠if any of it were to be true.
It is with an unexpected sense of heaviness that you watch Daniel come back to lean against the doorframe at your lack of reaction. The smile which had taken over his face, now a barely hidden frown.
The driver infers the answer by your silence âYou donât want to come?â
âNo, I-âŠ. Of course, I want to, but it's all soâŠâ your hand makes waves in the air, forming thoughts you cannot begin to describe with how fast they are being discarded.
This is what you wanted, for them to trust you again. You have been trying to assure them for days, months even, that you can do it. But your head wonât let you give in. This is different, this party isnât even in the paddock, where at least everybody can see you. You know theyâre all in it, but still⊠Being confined in some room with all those strangers could be your end.
âThatâs alright, I⊠No, thatâs okayâ Daniel nods absentmindedly at last. The weight of it settling in, so heavy. And with all the kindness he has always regarded you with, he also fills in your rejection: âYou donât have to go. Itâs been a hard few days, I know. I got a bit carried away with all, all of thisâ
âIâm sorry, Daniâ you finally stand up from the bed, not really knowing what to do with yourself.
âOh, no need to apologise, loveâ the driver breaks the space between you in a single stride, his arms coming to cradle your doubts.
He needed a hug, you tell yourself, or maybe he really is disheartened because his plan to trick you didnât work. Because believing he is capable of feigning such sadness about your rejection is terrifying. You feel tears stinging at the edge of your eyes at the mere thought of it. Daniel strengthens his hold on you, as if he could sense it, his skin burning against you with such resolve that it threatens to melt your own.
You quickly blink the tears away when he pulls back âLetâs look for something nice on the menu then, to celebrate. Or we can get takeout from somewhere. Iâll just⊠go shower first, alright?â
The driver closes the door to the bathroom with a smile, one which doesnât conceal his disappointment. Forced chuckles and jokes over a delicious dinner in the hotel room, over the drinks he orders while getting ready. And a lengthy goodbye at the door filled with implied re-invitations to the party, which is only cut short by his trainer Michael calling the star of the celebration to go launch it.
The man on the phone asks about you too, though you canât hear much more than your name through the speaker.
Despite the nagging, the Australian makes time to meticulously explain where the venue is located, in case you need something. Anything, he says. It is easy, the thirty-third floor, at the end of the corridor and to the left. The site is called Tembusu Ballroom. Weird name, he knows. You can ask the front desk to guide you there, they will for sure recognize you.
"I left your phone on my bedside table too. Both of them.â Daniel reminds you one last time, showing his own device as he walks backwards down the corridor. He trips into the wall, but continues his tirade as if nothing happened âYou call me, anytime, eh? If you are freaked out, if you see something weird, if thereâs even a bug looking at you the wrong way. You call meâ
âYouâll be having too much fun to noticeâ you grin, crossing your arms. You try to block your thoughts away, to be happy for him even if just for this last second.
You know it is silly for you to hope he still has a party despite your absence. It would be worthless to celebrate a win that was scripted to pull you out of your hiding, if you arenât going to see it. And yet, you find yourself wishing Daniel could celebrate the night.
The driver chuckles with a shake of his head, walking all the way back to the room with purpose âLook at me, thereâs nothing in this world that could keep me from co-â
âNo, no! Dani!â you stop him in his tracks, pushing his chest as you laugh âNo saying weird stuff now. You only drank a couple of pink cocktails, come on!â
The driver cannot hold in the smile this time, even as he tries to seriously assure you that âAnything you needâ
You do not try to refute his hypothesis today, deciding to leave the phones alone in the room instead. But yeah, his directions to the site prove to be quite useful, you think, turning left to find the sign to the so-called Tembusu Ballroom.
They did set up a party despite your refusal to come, you think, surprised. You can hear the music booming from inside and recognise a few faces from the McLaren garage hanging outside, cocktails in hand. They are dressed more elegantly than you expected, the thin two-piece sleeveless top and long pants, which felt nice in the heat of the city, now seemingly too plain for the occasion. It was one of the nicer outfits you had, hidden in the bottom of one of those suitcases you get sent for each GP. This time, it was brought to you by Daniel instead of Nick, you would question their origin more if you werenât more worried about everything else happening.
You are playing their game anyway, that is what you are doing here. Ignoring the thousands of alarms going off in your head and the inconsistencies, to take the opportunity they have provided you. Tonight, you will be the ambitious F1 driver they want you to be, and you will celebrate the win of your longtime friend Daniel Ricciardo.
The sudden burst of music brings you back to the present, the door to the site opening and closing as what you recognize are two of Danielâs mechanics walking out. Marc and⊠is that Neil? You decide that is your cue to enter, if you donât want them to recognize you.
Well, your plan does not work.
As soon as you walk in, still trying to adjust to the booming music and flashing lights surrounding you, someone taps your shoulder. Barely two steps into the room, for crying out loud.
âOh my god, I canât believe itâs you!â a man appears really close to you. Heâs young, accent thick, you donât know him.
You smile politely and nod, trying to step past him. He cuts your path.
The woman beside him turns to you as well, surprised âI looked all over the paddock for you, they said you were coming. Thought I lost my opportunity!â
Their faces a flash of every color of the rainbow as the bar lights cyclically change. You donât know her either. Didnât Daniel say it would only be people from McLaren at the party?
âHowâs your break going? Nice to skip the race with this heat, huh?â the man laughs, a hand falling on your shoulder.
âYeah, yeah, nice to meet you. I have to-â you squirm away from his touch and make another effort to get past him.
This time, it is the woman who blocks your escape, her arm coming to rest over your shoulders as she pulls you towards her. It sends a chill down your spine. It wasnât a good idea to come.
Even less so alone.
âNo, wait! Letâs take a photoâ she shouts over the music.
You shake your head, trying to pull away from her, when the sudden blaze of a flash blinds you. What? Trying to blink the black dots on your vision away, you see a man with a huge camera moving to take another photo. Where did he come from? The first man pushes himself into the photographer's view and your personal space, âIâm a huge fan!â he justifies. This is too much. Are they trying to distract you? Wasnât this a McLaren-only celebration? The flashes catch the attention of the people around you, some taking the opportunity to get their photo with you as well. Who are these people? Why are they keeping you here?
Overwhelmed by the attention, your body falls back a step. Images of your first break away to the airport flood your mind, you lost again. That is what you get for trying to defy them. You might have tried to mend your error and continue this lie, but you lost the moment you said no to Daniel.
The pounding of your heart picks up, falling like cuts into the loud music booming in your ears, the world swims in intermittent flashes of color. The edge of your vision blurs. You have to get out of here.
âOne more, one mo-!â another person demands, his hand circling your arm with an iron grip.
His touch sends a sudden jolt of electricity all the way from the centre of your chest to the tips of your fingers, an scorching fire circling your wrist where the man holds you. It knocks the wind out of youâŠ, and of him. You can see the exact second he feels it, the pulse running him over like a storm. The red lights illuminate his face at the same time it fiercely contorts in pain, his mouth opening to let out a loud whimper. It cuts the air despite the deafening music.
Everything around you seems to slow as the stranger forces his hand to let go, his perplexed gaze finding yours in the shadows. A wave of recognition crashes into you then. Itâs Chris, of course it is, one of the reporters always following you around the paddock.
No media. Daniel promised no media.
Your body takes the chance before your mind processes it, turning back into the crowd to escape the sea of eyes judging you. They wonât find the answers by dissecting you, you donât know what happened either. Though the main question is why they look so surprised. They should know.
The panic flooding your thoughts wonât find the answers for you, you have to go. Hide. Your efforts to run away from those people only sinking you deeper into the party. Into the sea of stranger and recognizable faces that try to stop your escape, even other Formula One drivers that shouldnât be here. Your teammate Mick trying to rope you into having a drink with him despite not talking to you in the entire season, and despite the tears rolling down your cheeks.
Yet, you manage to push him and all of his accomplices off of you, running instead inside the only place to hide in the dead end you walked yourself into. The bathroom.
Disoriented, you stumble into the warm lit room. The pressure in your chest threatening to cave it in. Your feet carry you to the sink in one last stride before you have to lock your hands at the edge to hold yourself. The cold marble not doing enough to calm your nerves, nor your heart. You look up into the mirror, the closed stalls behind laughing as they fulfill their mission to keep you exposed for everyone to see the mess you are. Bloodshot eyes, breath ragged, this reality falling on top of you with everything it has.
This is your punishment for not listening to them. You should have come with your caretaker when he offered it, Daniel has given you more than enough opportunities to do so. But you rejected him and now there is no fixing it. You cover your face in defeat, the tears finding solace in the palms of your hands as they continue to burn their way down your cheeks.
A metallic rattle startles you. You glance back at the stalls just as the door nearest to the exit begins to creak open, forcing you to step back until your shoulders hit the wall.
A beautiful woman in an almost as gorgeous maroon satin dress comes tumbling out of the bathroom. She laughs when you instinctively reach your hand forward to prevent her from falling, brushing her long brown hair back from her face. Although you have to actually hold her upright when she misses another step right before reaching the sink.
ââm sorryâ she mumbles, finally holding onto the white rock countertop, squeezing your hand in hers in thanks before letting go âThese shoes are killing me, I drank a bit too much tooâŠâ
The woman stops explaining herself when she takes a look at you, her face falling.
âYou crying?â
âYeah, no, Iâm-â you try to wave away her concerns, trembling voice not helping your case.
âOh, honey, donât cry!â she lurches forward, wrapping you in a tight hug. The wall behind blocking your way out. âOne can't get that pretty and cry. Absolutely not!â
A shuddered sob escapes you against your will âThanksâ
You pat her back in hopes that playing along will make her let go of you. She does not.
âPoor thing! What happened?â she tightens her arms around you, almost losing her balance in her eagerness to squeeze your sorrows away. Which is what ultimately forces her to pull away from you.
A freedom that is as short-lived as your moment of solitude, her hands reaching for you again not a second later. You lean back over the sink to avoid her claws reaching you, but it is the necklace she takes interest in instead.
âWhat can we do? Should we call your angel?â the woman chuckles, her hand shaking the pendant. Once, twice âCome, come, we need you!â
And just like that, it comes.
Not your angel, but the last piece of a puzzle you werenât even aware was being built around you. The most insignificant part of a thought managing to crush you inside the picture you were too blind to see.
âAngel callerâ you mumble, more to yourself than anything. The word tastes bitter on your tongue.
The information you so painstakingly have sought after pushing itself together in connections you swear you can physically feel. The old stories your grandmother recounted about the pendant, pure silver forged by the highest choirs in heaven, figures twisted and delicately assembled by celestial creatures, a device that could signal the Guardian Angels ofâŠ.
âYes, it's so pretty and sounds so nice as well. Iâve always loved these, my mother had a really nice one. A bit bigger than this, goldâŠâ the woman gushes, words slurred as if they werenât bursting open the doors to this reality âHers didnât have these engravings though, they look beautifulâ
Can she hear its chime? Why can you not⊠Since when can you not hear it? Again? It sounded after your run-in with your parents, when you woke up in the driverâs room. Why have you only noticed it now?
âHmmâ she tilts her head in shallow thought, her fingers delicately brushing the tears away from your cheeks âYou know what? Better get you a drink while waiting for your angel, come onâ
The woman chuckles to herself and, in a swift move, intertwines your hands together. She takes a step towards the exit, tightening her hold on you, pulling your body forward when she notices you are too deep in your head to react to it.
It was the metallic vibrations of the sphere that were supposed to warn their twin souls of the dangers and sadness they faced. The need for their presence. Their guardians promised they would always come to the aid of the beings they loved most at the pendantâs singing, even if it meant defying the consequences of the old sins the humans themselves committed.
You have spent countless afternoons hearing your grandmotherâs stories about the gift she hung up on your crib just minutes after you were born. You remember her scoldings too, anytime she noticed your angel caller was missing. Yet, it only remained on your neck as a valued memory, you never believed it was anything more than a piece of shiny metal.
But then, why has even its name been erased from your mind? Its sound kept away from you, like it had been deemed too harsh for you to hear? Its metal burning you from the inside at every turn in this reality? Just a second ago, it had lit you and that man on fire like-
Wait, was the necklace⊠protecting you?
The music pierces your ears when the woman opens the door back to the party, the warmth of the bathroom leaving as you step into the darkness. Her betrayal coming as soon as the colored lights engulf you again, when she hugs a man waiting just by the door. Her hold on your hand firm.
The dark shirt of the man wrinkles as he turns to meet her embrace. Do you know him? Itâs too dark. The action makes his hand bump into the woman's outstretched arm, your feet glued to the ground keeping your interlaced hands in the air. Does he know you? That is the important question. Well, better said: is he going to act as if he knew you?
The dark haired man lifts his head to see what he has knocked onto. No. His gaze follow the womanâs lifted arm in a slow motion which bites at your nerves. It canât be. And those green eyes you have lost yourself into more times than you dare admit, catch yours. The intensity with which he looks at you not shadowed even by the colored flashes blinding you.
Time stops then, even if only for the second it steals your breath. And your thoughts.
âOh, sorry! This is Charles, and Charles, this isâŠâ the woman apologises when she notices. Her eyebrows pulled together in surprise at the realization that, although are holding hands, âI didnât even get your name. Iâm so sorryâ
âItâs-, Itâs alright. Donât worry, we know each otherâ Charles finally peels his eyes off you, waving awkwardly between the two of you. You infer what he says more than hear him, see the surprise painted all over his face. What happened? Someone went off script? âYou know her too, the driver from Haasâ
That strange introduction seems to spark the womanâs memory âOh, seriously?â you see her mouthing up to him a moment before she throws herself forward to embrace you once more âI donât know what I was thinking, thereâs only like twenty of you, my god! Iâm sorryâ
You think, somewhere along her slurred apologies, she gives you her name as well. Probably. You donât care, really. Too stunned to retain the name of yet another unknown acquittance. What you know is that Charles has never mentioned her.
When you two separate, Charles comes to greet you. A hand to your waist, a kiss to each cheek and the light scent of his cologne choking you up. He is tense, no need to see his face away from the shadows to confirm it. The last time you met running like a million-dollar production in front of your eyes. A ghost to your own memories, incapable of stopping yourself from letting him hold you, kiss you and confess a love you wished you were allowed to return⊠And then, the world disappearing beneath your feet.
âSo, how are you? Are you feeling better?â itâs what first comes to Charlesâ mind.
That and resting an arm over the womanâs shoulders when she melts into her side. It is soft, the way the angel caller warms over your chest. You probably wouldnât have noticed if you werenât always so attentive to it, less so with the way your stomach dropped at the sight before you.
No. You canât freak out. Stop.
âGood, better⊠Yeah, Iâm much betterâ comes out of your lips, a reflex. You take a breath in, letting your gaze travel into the crowd around you to watch for any other unwanted reunions. Sure. âHave you seen Daniel?â
âI, yeah, just seen him in the bar with Landoâ Charles points to⊠somewhere, you donât look at it âBut are you sure youâre alright? Do you want to talk? Maybe we can go outside for a second and-â
âYes, yes, letâs go to the bar! Letâs celebrate!â the woman pipes up, pulling at Charlesâ arm and offering a hand to you âCome on, your angel can wait. Letâs get wasted!â
This time you deny her offer âNo, I have to⊠Yeah, Iâll see you guys laterâ
And you leave. No tears, no screaming, no nothing. The strategy works again, you applaud yourself as you are allowed to mix back into the crowd.
Can you resent it? The way you are let go so easily? That is what you wanted, they are simply playing characters feigning to care for you so they can guide you back into the path. You shouldnât be weighted down by this sinking feeling that Charles has yet again made no move to stop you, just as he did in Monza after confessing his love for you, only his eyes following you as you disappear into the lights.
Your mind has no way to win this battle, sadly.
The tears flood your eyes no sooner than you are out of their sight, the hard bite you have on your lip doing nothing to stop it. No, you canât do this. You canât let them see you like this, they will kick you out. You learned so much, you have to see what the angel caller has to do with what happened. The pain of it all mixes in with the panic, crashing into you in waves that follow the changing light of the nightclub, the same way your heart booms to the music.
âAh, look at you! You came!â a very unstable Lando surges from the sea of people, dark eyes almost hidden behind very heavy lids âFeeling better?â
No, please, not another emergency caretaker. They canât see you like this âYes⊠Yeah, Iâm alright. I have to go to-â
âCome, come, have a drink with usâ the driver shouted over the music, arm over your shoulders. Guiding you away.
Us? You lean to look past him, a very small voice saying âDaniel?â
âHuh? He had to go get Max, but come on, you can hang with the rest of us too. Just for a secondâ Lando chuckles loudly, making you both lean to the side. He looks back at you, probably to sneer at the scowl on your face, but what he finds sobers him up in a second âWait, are you crying?! I-, I didnât mean it like that, like in a bad way. I know youâre like close⊠close or something. It was a joke, just wanted to get you a drink!â
âNo, Iâm not cryingâ you swear as a new river of tears paints your cheeks. You quickly take a hold of his arm to prevent his escape and brush your tears away with the other âPlease, donât say anything! Iâm alright, please, please. I can do itâ
Lando looks taken aback by your pleading âI⊠Sure, I wonât. But are you alright? Should we go get Daniel?â
âNo! No, please, no need for that. Iâll be goodâ you streghten your hold. Is Daniel who has the last say in your persistence? âIâll go to the room, I just wanted to try coming but-â
âTo the room? Let me take you, I'll tell the restâ
âNo, no, donât worry. I can goâ you promise him âJust the room, I wonât go anywhere elseâ
âNo, Iâll go with you. Donât worry. Give me a secondâ
You finally nod to his offer, though you cannot help but bolt the moment he turns his back. They canât do this to you, you wonât let them. Slipping between the people dancing and drinking, the familiar faces and the completely unknown ones, you make a beeline for the exit. The vibrations of the speakers travelling right through you, the pendant on your chest burning. You know exactly where it is, could locate it at all times, you have been living in a constant state of alarm for too long now.
The door out swings open too easily, the white lights are too harsh, the dark walls ready to close in around you. Panic peaks within you, though nothing in the now silent room warrants it.
Breath heavy, you pull yourself forward down the corridor. Head down, eyes moist and the world pulsing to the rhythm of your heartbeat. Hoping no other mechanic/fan/driver/whomever fake fucking person who thinks they have the right to control you, recognizes you.
Maybe that is your mistake. What makes you crash face-first into someone.
âWow, wow, someoneâs had one too many daiquiris againâ the man chuckles, his arms coming to tightly embrace you as he sways you from one side to the other âI was calling your name for a while, didnât even see meâ
It takes all the self-control within you not to push the man back and punch him for coming to hug you like that. Who does he think he is? One lucky man, that is for sure, because you are not going to throw away all your efforts to remain calm.
âYou canât be leaving so early, Iâve just arrivedâ the man whines as he pulls away, his hands still on your shoulders as if he was trying to keep you steady âHad to look handsome, you know? To see youâ
âCarlosâ
His name melts on your lips. The fact that you hadn't recognized him by his voice alone filling you with shame, after the nights upon nights you have spent hearing it. Although more ashamed you are of the way your eyes move to pick apart the differences from your dream. His much shorter hair now brushed to the side, clean-shaven, dressed in a light blue button-down shirt with the first few undone to survive the heat and black pants instead of his pyjamas. His eyes more awake, but as dark and beautiful, analyzing your face in the search of those same differences.
Two weeks since he last saw you, running from the surprise meeting he organized with those people who claimed to be your parents.
âYou look pretty too, really prettyâ Carlos confesses, breaking into a big smile. His hand delicately brushes the path from your shoulder, through your neck and to your cheek. Your face intuitively leans onto it âCome, Iâll treat you to a nice iced water for now, and you can tell me just how much you missed me in the meantime. How does it sound?â
The Spanishâs joke falls into your silence, the way the driver signals to the party with a tilt of his head further cementing your position. His hand slides to take a hold of yours, fingers intertwining in a perfect fit. The comfort it brings you a taboo thought trying to infiltrate your mind. Carlos takes a step around you and then back to the party.
Yet, you donât follow. Even worse, with your entire body trembling, you try to drag yourself in the complete opposite direction. The way your hands break their connection and fall limp to your side, making your heart throb.
Carlos frowns, his body half-turned to you as his gaze travels up to your face. Mouth opening and closing, waiting for you to fill the gap. But you canât.
âAre you seriously not going to say anything?â he finally says, his voice heavy.
It burns.
âJust going to leave, is that how it is?â Carlos sums up, and the emotion there is in his tone digs into your chest.
Yet, you cannot bring yourself to answer. Too overwhelmed to even move, go, leave a conversation you cannot handle. It is too much, you are not ready. You have tried so hard to keep going, forget everything and get on with it. But you also fell so hard.
Embers crackling as if asking permission to break out.
âIâve been worried sick, you know?â Carlos confesses, his face falling to that expression which has been plaguing your dreams. It makes tears spring to your eyes âI thought everything was going great, that we were doing great. I though⊠I didnât even know youâd been feeling tired or anything like that, you didnât say anything. You looked normal, happy, didnât you? We went out with our parents and everything was great, we talked about spending that week together in Sicily and everythingâ
âWhen I saw Daniel carrying you out the track, IâŠâ the driver pauses, peeling his eyes off yours for the moment it takes him to find his words again. He clears his throat âI know you didnât want to go to the hospital, but still⊠You couldnât even answer a thing when I went to check on you in Danielâs driver room, you were out of it, completely. I had a million fights about this with Daniel and I respect it, alright? I respect your decision of not going to the doctors. I donât agree at all with it, but I respect itâ
Yellow and red shades stalk the corners of your vision, threatening to overcome you. And yet, you canât move.
âBut⊠two weeks? Two weeks without hearing a single word from you? I even had to hear about your break from Twitter, thatâs justâ Carlos laughs, humorlessly âAnd I have keep myself out of it, you know? Iâm told you need time, so I canât even see you, I canât talk to you, I canât do anything. Only stand back and smile, like Iâm not thinking of you every secondâ
The pain in his voice is clear, the days he has spent thinking about this very moment shown in the way his voice trembles, ever so slightly. Can you believe, though? Because you so badly want to. Because it is so difficult to stand here and not melt into a puddle of tears. His feelings may be fake, but yours arenât.
Carlos lets his hand fall to his sides in the silence, a frown setting in on his face when he looks back at you.
âIâm sorryâŠ. I shouldnât have said that, I-, I understand you want your space. I never wanted to put all of this on you, Iâm really sorry. Itâs been a hard few days and⊠I only wanted to, like, be able to take care of you. Be there for you, you know?â a deep sigh slips out his lips âI want to, still, if you let meâ
Your mouth opens and closes, the weight of all of it sinking your thoughts down.
Carlos tries to help break the tension with a last concession âNot a great offer after all of this, I know. You were right, as alwaysâ, he takes a step towards you with a defeated smirk.
But it burns, so fucking much.
âI left some-, something in the room. Iâll get it andâŠ, yeahâ are the only words you speak to him. Better said, the only thing you can cry to him.
The barriers are gone, shattered under the pressure.
And you leave, cannot wait for him to even acknowledge your answer. The pendant on your chest blazing with purpose as it sets your whole body alight. You run, nowhere to hide, but still you run. You canât hold yourself back any longer, you are too far gone. The flames following you, closer and closer. You call the elevator once, twice, a million times until it deems you weak enough to offer you its shield, taking you to the pushed floor in an unnervingly slow rhythm that fuels the fire in your chest.
The doors to the twenty-fourth floor sliding open to a blurred corridor, the doors running at your sides as you stumble your way into the keycard lock of your shared room. The clatter of metal welcoming you into the mercifully dark place. A reception fit for the shadow of yourself that stumbles onto it, hands holding your cries as you let yourself fall into the bed.
You wrap your fingers around the blazing angel caller, the pain not fazing you anymore. Instead, you welcome it. A dejavĂș.
And the nightmares come to embrace you. The cycle repeats again.
Author's note: I should stop with these long chapters. But I hope you enjoyed it a lot, thank you so much for reading! Any interaction is appreciated đ
Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and canât seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a couple therapy sessions wouldâve done the trick.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver.
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x reader
Chapter: Previous | Next | Masterlist
Word Count: 5.5 k
Also on AO3
News flash: you are not ready to go to Singapore.
Not only mentally, but physically. It is in the way head is pounding hard enough to blur your vision by the time you reach the main entrance of the hotel. Or in the way your stomach twist hard enough to make you gag at the sight of that stupid green McLaren. Â
A force within you begging you to stay, to please not take this leapt of faith into the abysm. It is the wrong choice. Why would you go, of your own accord, to another race? Leave the safety of a hotel room which has somehow protected you from the rest of the world for more than a week now? Afterall, it is the first week you can confidently say you have lived through since this all started. Â
Yes, that is another fact that has been discovered for you, courtesy of Danielâs slip of the mouth about your supposed psychologist. If he is saying the truth, they have not only been making you race unconsciously, but also... go to the psychologist on your every Tuesday? For what exactly? They could have taken you while you were still awake to disperse your doubts about this reality or something, no need to extend those terrifying blackouts you had been forced to accept as normal during race weekends, to the rest of your days off. Â
Why are they doing this to you?Â
With no answers to calm your thoughts, you have now turned to keep track of your days on the notepad under your pillow. Every half an hour, every ten minutes if Daniel is not there. Another way to break your resolve to escape you suppose, if you are not allowed to trust your senses about the passage of time, you wonât trust it for anything else.Â
They have been playing with you all this time, more so that you could have imagined. But how do they do it? And why has it, per your records, stopped this week? What has changed? What are you not seeing?Â
The ever-growing questions do not leave your mind to rest, circling every second of your flight out of Monza. Thirteen hours of it. Fingers tightly wrapped around your grandmotherâs necklace, waiting for it to heat, to finally react in response to your actions. Either to engrave your chest in celebration of your escape or to burn you from inside out for your failure to do so, you do not care. But to do something. Â
Please do something.Â
And yet, despite having your undivided attention, it never does. For once, the silver pendant hanging like a million tones off your neck leaves you all alone, at the mercy of your fear.Â
Well, not completely alone. Daniel is there. In the seat right next to yours despite your efforts to get the farthest away you can from him in the tight confines of the plane. A private jet, of course, they canât have you freaking out in a commercial flight in front of everyone. Not that anyone would hear out your cries about being kidnapped, or drugged, or whatever they are doing to you. Â Â
They have made that part abundantly clear: you cannot escape. It doesnât matter what you do. They have paraded you from one country to another, in front of thousands of people, without a care. They have had you crying and kicking in the middle of a Grand Prix with little to no reaction from anyone in the stands. They have given you a phone, freedom to roam around, now to also speak aloud about your theories of what could be happening, even if only to Daniel.Â
They have shown you there is simply not a way out.Â
Nevertheless, that does not mean you can go about your day unsupervised. No other reason why a millionaire like Daniel cannot book an extra room for you to stay, forcing you to share spaces yet again. Your makeshift apartment from Monza turning into a smaller and much more modern, all white-on-black decorated suite with a massive bed. The floor-to-ceiling windows covering the entire front wall overlooks the beautiful Singaporean skyline, and also the hundreds of what you hope are fans, gathering by the entrance of the hotel. Phones raised.Â
A nice little scare tactic.Â
âIâll leave you to rest. Itâs been a long flightâ Daniel softly speaks as you reach for the curtains and pull them closed. The suitcases are still halfway through the door, though he has now laid his on the ground to retrieve a couple things he needs to take to the track.Â
The Australian leaves no question about what your plan for today is. You are not allowed outside without the man, and you know the trips with him will only ever lead you to one place: the track. And even that is taken from you today, courtesy of your barely contained breakdown on the plane, you have not been invited to the first practice at the Marina Bay Street circuit.Â
Daniel promises it is not far from the hotel anyway, one call and he will be here in a second. You donât doubt it. Â
âI wonât be out long. Piastriâs driving today, so as soon as the meetingâs over, Iâll be on my wayâ the man explains, a sigh rushing out his lips âWant me to grab some laksa from that place you liked last time? We can have a quick lunch here before second practice, sounds alright?âÂ
You can barely register half of what he says, the adrenaline from the trip here still coursing through your veins. At least, you have half a mind to figure out Piastri is supposed to be McLarenâs third driver. Or reserve. Is it the same? Â
Whatever.Â
âYeah. Sureâ you answer after a beat, hovering awkwardly by your own unopened luggage. Â
âIâll keep an eye out for Magnussen as well, donât worryâ Daniel adds as he reaches for the door âNo need to monitor the sessionâÂ
The only answer he gets from you is a half-smile and a âSee you soonâÂ
First of all, because you are not monitoring anything. You still canât comprehend how Daniel hasnât realized you couldnât care less about some cars driving in circles. And second, because you sure hope Magnussen is the name of your substitute. Â
There has been absolutely no talks about your participation in this weekendâs Grand Prix. None. Well, none twhich included you, of course. You know for a fact they have been discussing your state at length, caught a few words of Danielâs conversation over the phone just before boarding the plane. However, as curious as you are, you are not about to question it and tell on yourself. Absolutely not.Â
Maybe if you werenât holding onto the last shred of your sanity, you would think to search it on the internet. Everything about your life, present, past and even future, is written down in a million of articles, why wouldnât this piece of information be discussed somewhere in there? If you opened it, you would discover the huge array of headlines confirming your withdrawal from both this race and the next. Â
Yes, that would have been a great idea. That is, if you hadnât fallen asleep as soon as you grazed the bed. Â
You will do it later.Â
Because right now, you can only ponder about the reason why, despite how worried you have been about Daniel betraying you once again, you have continued to lay down next to him every single night. And that would of course be the nightmares.Â
That carefully curated mix of memories and unrecognizable faces, digging into your heart and pulling everything you have out with them. Your family, your friends, who are they? This places you feel so familiar in, turning into great labyrinths that only let you run free once they have completely teared you apart. Once you are broken down enough to drag your feet across that sunbathed corridor and throw yourself into the soft caresses of Carlosâ voice in that now familiar kitchen.Â
Ultimately, it is Daniel who pulls you out of this interminable cycle. The man rubs your shoulder to the sound of his own whispers, waking you up to the sweet smell of spices washing over the hotel room. A nice bowl of a creamy noodle soup seated across from you and that you are too sleepy to worry about it being tampered with. Â
Which could have very much been a possibility since the first thing you tell him after heâs done recapitulating all about how amazing their carâs been, is:Â
âI want to go to the trackâÂ
âYeah? Am I making you jealous?â Daniel chuckles before taking a big bite of tofu âDo you want to try going early tomorrow? I talked to Nick so the teamâs not crowding the garage too much. I know theyâve been worried about you...âÂ
No, absolutely not. You canât let them set you up again. Having Nick in the mix as well, who has somehow managed to get you into costume every single time, no matter how freaked out you were.Â
Which is why you press on âNowâÂ
âWhat?â the Australian almost spits his soup at your urgency âWhat do you mean now?â Â
And honestly, for all the shit you give Daniel about being the mastermind behind all your grievances, he gives in fairly easily. He picks up the phone to call his driver with only a few more convincing words about your supposed nerves, how you want to give it a try before actually having to go to the track tomorrow, or the day after.Â
âI... The buildup is... too much. I keep hearing the chants outside, and I... so many people, and I still donât know whatâs happening, and...âÂ
It doesnât matter how many times Daniel repeats that there is no obligation to go to this weekendâs Grand Prix at all. That maybe you should meet up with Lewis, or any of the others, outside of it before even thinking about going to the track. But that doesnât work for you. Not only do you need to catch them off-guard for this to be on a somehow even ground, but you also have to make them trust you again if you want to get out of this mess.Â
And if for that you have to pretend you are oh so excited to get back into that Formula One car, then so be it.Â
Though you donât expect just how many people rounds the street like hacks when you finally step out of the hotel. All the circuits you have visited were lost in the middle of some field, usually well protected by the police at all entrances. But this one? This track is built right in the heart of the city. Â
Every single street is packed. You canât help it as your vision swims through the sea of people dressed in one of the teamsâ merchandising and the cheering signs they shake every time they spot your car. A black van with tinted windows that show nothing of the interior, but that is exposed nonetheless. Nobody had this type of car if they are not celebrities.Â
âSee that bar there? The one with the arches over the door?â Daniel points outside the window, the smile stretching his lips carrying through his voice âI canât remember if it was in 2018, 2019? I donât know, just before the pandemic, when Seb and Charles got that 1-2 in here. And you got so drunk, you donât understand, I had to carry you to the taxiâÂ
Daniel narration sits on the back of your mind despite how hard you try to take it to the front. His words floating in the air like clouds of smoke that disappear between your fingers as you desperately try and fail to hold onto them. The strategy for the walks through the hotel is not working today.Â
âCharles got a bit weird about it, but well, he almost fell on his face twice trying to take you so...â the man voice dies down for a second âHey, you alright?âÂ
You squeeze Danielâs hand on your lap, trying to prove to him that you are fine, that you can do it. And it doing so, to prove it to yourself as well. Â
The pounding in your head heightens at the lost of the anchor you had on his voice, the metal burning on your chest taking its rightful place. The heat washes over you in waves, painful as nothing you have ever experienced, and picking up its battle as you near the circuit. The meters on the carâs screen counting down like it is a regressive count to the moment you will burst out in flames.Â
âYeah, Iâm... yeahâ you try to stabilize the trembling of your voice, chest rising and lowering with no real air flowing into your lungs âIâm fineâÂ
Daniel tries to catch your gaze to no avail. You canât let him, he will see right through you. Â
âDonât worry, okay?â the man settles for wrapping his other hand around yours, tight âNickâs waiting by the gates, weâll get in right awayâÂ
And you try to listen to him, to be good, and quiet, and ready to go back to that never ending stage that is being a F1 driver. When all of that fails, you try to at least be silent about the panic brimming inside you.Â
You really do.Â
Yet, it only takes one glance at the circuit's for a chill to run down your back. One that never stops. As if you had been thrown into a frozen lake, your body temperature suddenly drops into the abyss. Your muscles tense in preparation for what is to come, chest locking up against the entrance of the inexistent water. Instead, chocking you.Â
âNo, noâ you whisper as your vision darkens, that very familiar feeling overcoming you. Â
Why? You were doing so good, you are fine. You are fine! Why are they trying to black you out?Â
The world tilts on its edge.Â
A sense of frustration violently floods your heart, digging into your chest with a million unrestrained feelings which burn your skin and... No, that isnât... Is that...? The metal taste in your mouth talks for you rather than your conscience, the force pulling you down not letting you form a coherent thought. But still, you could swear that the heat is coming instead from... Â
Is that the necklace? Â
You canât ponder on it for long, as whatever it is acting up inside you, somehow awakens everything this world is seeking to forcibly shut off. The tears are a first, finally rushing down your cheeks like streams of lava. And then itâs your hands being thrown forward to stabilize you against what you hope is the carâs door. Â
âNo, no! Iâm ready! Iâm ready, I promise!âÂ
âWhat-?â you can hear Daniel now, between the bell sounds surrounding you. You can feel him tugging at your body.Â
âPlease, donât do this to me! Please, Iâll be goodâ you cry out, heat rushing through your veins.Â
âHey, heyâ a hand rises to your cheek, probably to keep you upright, but you can only squirm away âWhatâs up?! Come on, youâre alright. Youâre good, weâre right he-âÂ
The edge on his voice warns you itâs coming, and the panic heightens âPlease Dani, no!âÂ
âCome on, itâs alright! Youâre alright, youâre-â the man shushes you, and your hand tightens around his. But to no avail âNo, no, donât close your eyes!âÂ
You do...? Close your eyes? Well, you arenât sure. The darkness surrounding you does not change, though it is true that your body suddenly starts feeling lighter. Colder. The tears no longer kissing your cheeks, nor that awful pressure digging into your chest. The adrenaline has left, as has done any other thought in your head. Â
Left to float in the limbo, wrapped in freezing nothings.Â
You donât know how much time passes, or whether you know what exactly is supposed to come after this. It is also difficult what the darkness embracing you was before it drowned you. Though that is exactly why you perceive the change so fast. Â
It is imperceptible at first, a slight change in the vibration of the space around you, the particles softly caressing your skin in their excitation. Then a faraway sound, impossible to decipher either its source, nor its direction,... nor its sound. It is familiar, you know that, know the tone of it by heart. Feel the pulse traveling through you. Yes, that is...Â
And as if exasperated by your impassivity, it finally crashes. All around you.Â
Suddenly, a light flashes behind your eyes. Once. Heat pools at your chest. Twice. It burns. A force collapses against you at once, air rushing into your lungs with purpose, a current that reaches every part of your body in less than a second. Eyes pried open.Â
âOh, thatâs it, love. Iâm right hereâ you find Daniel before first, that recognizable worried expression digging into his features. Â
The man is seated half out of his seat, a hand to his ear holding the phone, the other holding you upright. The city sprints through the tinted window behind him, fast as your heart beats. Your eyes jumping between every point of your field of view.Â
âRelax, yeah? Weâre almost thereâÂ
You take a big breath in, âThe... the track?â your voice no more than a whisper.Â
Every cell in your body screams as you raise a hand to your chest, finger curling around the necklace beneath your shirt, if only to give a rest to the wounded skin underneath it. You are surprised to find it is cold to the touch.Â
âNo, no, weâll leave that for another time. Lay down for a bit more,â Danielâs smile is forced, the lines on his forehead betray him âWeâll get to the hospital in no timeâÂ
What?Â
You jolt forward in a panic, tears springing to your eyes. No. Not again. Daniel takes a fistful of your shirt in his hurry to stabilize you, a string of âHey, heyâ flying out of his lips.Â
âNo! Why?âÂ
âWhy what?âÂ
âWhat do you mean what?â you spit back, blood boiling under your skin as you point a finger to his chest âYou promised no doctors. You promised me!âÂ
It takes a second for him to react to your outburst, or at least to search the words âLetâs calm down for a second first, alright? Donât want you hurting yourself there.âÂ
âIâm completely fine. Stop this! Weâre not going nowhere!â you dismiss Daniel, turning instead to your driver in search of help âHey, weâre going back to the hotel. Turn around.âÂ
You donât know why you bother. The man upfront doesnât look at you, doesnât talk, doesnât acknowledge your words. No sign he can even hear you. And maybe, any other day, any other time you werenât trapped in an imaginary world, you would let it go and sit back. But that is not the case today.Â
Before Daniel can react, you throw yourself in between the front seats and rush to get a hold of the wheel. Your move startles both men in the car enough to let you swerve to the right, bypassing two cars who were about to take the lane. Your body falls to the side just as the rest of the things and passengers in the car, your left hip getting the brunt of the blow in the driver seat. All the vehicles around begin to loudly honk at you as the car pass forward, the men in the car shouting at you instead.Â
Though that is as much as you manage. The driver quickly swats your hands away from the wheel, yelling what must be the worst profanities he knows at you. Daniel also rushes to pull you back into the seat with a strong hold on your waist, his eyes open like saucers. Â
âWhat the hell? You want to kill us or what?â Daniel patience falters, his breath now labored. You hope he feels half the terror you have been carrying these past few months. Â
âYou expect me not to take you to the hospital right now after what just happened? You need to get checked, you fainted a second ago and now-.... What?â Danielâs reprimand is cut short by a voice on his phone, he turns to the side. A hand now wrapped around your arm in case you try anything funny. Â
âItâs nothing, donât worry. No, Iâll tell you later. You talked to Michael?... Yes, weâre on our way. Meet us by the-âÂ
Yet, his hold on you does not prevent you from snatching his phone away. You canât let them do this to you, you have worked so hard for this. Who knows what they will do to you? Â
Daniel easily gives in to your surprise attack, eyebrows pulled together as he tries to reach back for it. Although you have already shut off the call when he does so. The Australian lets out an exasperated sigh and opens his mouth to scold you, but you shut that off too.Â
âNo, come on. Listen, thereâs really no need to go. Iâm fine now, see?â you hastily explain, certainly knowing you donât look or feel anywhere close to fine âIâll be good, I promise. Iâm trying, you know I am. Please, Iâll be good.âÂ
âItâs not about being good now, loveâ Daniel clarifies as he holds your gaze, shoulders dropping âWe canât keep acting like everythingâs alright. I-... I donât know what is it, but thereâs clearly something going on. Iâm worried sick, weâre all are. Itâll be a quick look, just that, you donât have to be scaredâÂ
You have to look away them, the weight of his eyes on you too much to bear âIâll not be just a quick lookâÂ
Who is he trying to fool with that?Â
âYes, itâll beâ Daniel promises, again. Â
As if those empty words meant anything. He is lying, over and over again. Only for the sake of it, for the easiness of it. It is worse that he can see you donât believe a second of it, not anymore.Â
âIâm for real, I promise you. See the time?â the Australian points at the screen in the carâs dashboard âItâs almost an hour until practice starts, right? If theyâre not done by 2:30, weâll leave. No excuses. I have to race and Iâm not leaving your side, not once, while youâre in there. Trust me, Iâd never do that to youâ Â
You take a big breath in. He is not giving up.Â
âI trust you, but...â you start to speak, hands trembling in your lap. Â
You will have to work around it, work around all this fluttering feeling he is trying to pull from you like he didnât sell you out a few days ago. Â
âI donât trust them, Daniâ you confess, because it is not really a lie. For some reason, there is some part deep within you that trusts the Australian is trying to help you. You only hope your words sway his position as much as his do. âIf I go in there, I know they will shut everything down. Iâve been trying so hard, I know Iâm getting so close. They wouldnât do all this if I didnât know something, I just have to discover what and-âÂ
The tears stop your discourse, the exhaustion from these past weeks pouring on top of you like concrete. Daniel hold on your arm tightens at that, but only to pull you into his embrace. You want to push him away, skin crawling at the fact you are letting yourself be comforted by one of them. They are trying to shut you down again, despite everything.Â
But then, why do you find yourself wishing he would keep holding together all the broken pieces of you forever?Â
âWith all those strangers, and here too... This is crazyâ you continue between sobs, leaning your head back from where it so comfortably rested against his chest. You canât just give up. âHave you ever been to the hospital here? What if-, what if they donât let you in at all? What then? Iâm all alone in there, with all those people. Iâm...âÂ
Daniel leans his head back into the seat with a sigh, his eyes wondering out the window.Â
Is that... hesitation? A crack on this character he tries so hard to play? Â
You quickly discard the phone, reaching for his hand in an effort to pull his attention back to you. You canât let him ponder on it. Â
âI know you are worried, but I really canât do this now. Not here. I...â you try to appeal, one last time, to his real or acted feelings. You donât care. âI promise Iâll go once this ends. Itâs just a couple days more, once weâre back homeâÂ
Daniel wants to fight back, you see it in his eyes.Â
âPlease, Daniâ you add, for good measure.Â
âI,.. Well, I... Alright, I guessâÂ
Whether this has gained you some time or put an even bigger rock on your path, you donât know. Thatâs a battle future you will have to tackle, at least then youâll know exactly in which country that so-called home is. Â
For now, you will just get to the hotel and lay down to wait for Daniel. Â
Which is way better than getting into a F1 car for FP2 in the Singaporean Grand Prix, and also better than reality folding in on itself. Youâll have to pretend to be happy for it.Â
The problem is that your little freak out has completely closed the door to the track, and with that, your opportunity to prove that you are good. That you can continue living this lie. At least, until you can discover a way to get out of it. Â
But this is progress, baby steps.Â
So, the next day, and since you canât visit the paddock, you baby step yourself into watching some snippets of the third practice session online. Daniel has been gushing about how good it is looking for them in every single one of the hundred calls he gives you between session, and you discover he was not lying. And surprise, surprise, the sight of the Formula One car does... nothing to you. No freak out, no black out. Nothing.Â
This feat lets you baby step yourself into watching the broadcast for that afternoonâs qualifying. The huge TV propped on the wall looking over you as you slowly vacate from the roomâs door to finally watching it seated in bed when you are confident enough it wonât send you into overdrive. And surprise, surprise, Daniel was not kidding, second place for him comes easily.Â
You are embarrassed to say the session kept you at the foot of the bed, fists tight. You donât care about the sport, even less so about the people participating in these stupid races. These relationships have become a mere transaction to you. You donât know why you keep the program on after they announce the round of interviews.Â
Wrong choice.Â
It is the face of a tired but glowing pole winner who comes into focus first, that dimpled smile making your stomach flip. Charles Leclerc in his Ferrari red race suit and new shining gold helmet on his hand walking up to an equally tired and third place Lewis Hamilton. An interaction you donât reach the TV control quick enough to avoid seeing.Â
You should think of this as an opportunity. An excuse to message both of them and introduce the idea of meeting up after all this time, now on your terms. It is a great idea indeed, donât mind the tears stinging your eyes at the fear of merely holding the phone. They will keep coming.Â
You send a message to Lewis first, lying about how excited you are for him and wishing him the best of luck for tomorrow. Is it terrible that you are hoping for a bad enough result that will let him come visit? Daniel is not letting you step out of the hotel after yesterdayâs scene.Â
To Charles, you canât bring yourself to type in anything despite your best effort. Calling him over would make the most sense if you are trying to act as though everything is normal. You... kissed the man two weeks ago, it is only fair you shoot him a quick congrats. Whis is exactly what keeps you frozen in place in front of his chat, that and the accidental glance you get at all the texts he has sent you since that day. One from a few minutes before the qualifying session glaring at you.Â
Your heart skips a beat when the phone vibrates in your hands, the man who has taken permanent residence on your dreams shooting up from to the top of the screen. A swift look at the bubble next to Carlosâ name showing you is not far behind in terms of unread texts.Â
Did he see you online? Did Lewis tell him about your text? Did Daniel talk to him? Why do you want to open the message so badly when you know there will be only lies written all over it?Â
You donât know how long you spend staring blankly at the screen. The time frame is only marked by the moment Daniel burst into the hotel room, that characteristic huge smile of his squinting the manâs eyes as he collapses on the bed next to you.Â
The Australian is giddy with adrenaline, cannot hide it as he asks how you are feeling. How the day has been. As if he didnât know already, either from the constant calls or the surveillance they have on you. You are not stupid, you have been hearing the steps outside all day and your search for cameras in the room might have been fruitless, but you know.Â
âWell, youâre winning or what?âÂ
âWhat? No, of course notâ Daniel brushes off instantly as if you were talking nonsense âCharlesâ got to do fucking terrible for that... Lewis too, but that car of his is already awfulâÂ
You smile at him, if it is because you are glad to be talking about other peopleâs hardships other than yours or because of how nice his accent sounded at that, you wonât say. However, you will accept that the way it stretches even further is caused by the confused grin pulling at his lips.Â
âWhat?âÂ
âSo..., who knows?â you complete his words with the obvious last bit he forgot to add.Â
It steals a hopeful chuckle out of Daniel âWho knowsâÂ
Although the recognition of his possibilities to win the Grand Prix is quickly followed by a âOvertaking is going to be a pain, you were on that six-car train for half of the race last year!... But you know, weâve got some nice strategies in thereâÂ
Which is what ultimately makes the win, that and that he is an amazing driver. No need for anyone to tell you, you spend your night watching. For research purposes, of course.Â
It is part of your research to meet Daniel at the door as soon as you hear the steps nearing you shared room. You have to seem normal, interested in racing, happy for him as the good friend he always remembers is his stories. The way you melt into his embrace when he swoops you up into a hug, basking in his victory, is only that.Â
Daniel reeks of champagne, curls sticky and haphazardly hidden under a bright orange cap which get knocked out to the floor soon enough by his jumps, sways, everything he does. His body trying to burn the residual adrenaline any way it can. He cannot stay still for more than a second or keep his train of thought for enough time to say more than:Â
âAh, itâs... Finally!â the Australian pulls back from you, cheeks probably sore from how big he has been smiling since he saw the checkered flag âYou know-, this... Ah... this is-âÂ
You canât keep yourself from laughing as Daniel just comes back into the hug, hiding on your neck from all the feelings cutting his phrases short. Infecting you with a level of happiness you wish lasted. Forever. Â
âOh, almost forgot the best part!â the man finally calms down enough to string together, pulling you further into the room âI convinced them to have the party here! We have that partnership with the Hilton, so theyâre organizing it on one of the salonsâÂ
âReally? Thatâs sound amazing!â you smile, sitting back on the bed. You swear you can hear the fans celebrating outside despite how high your room is. âDonât you dare get too drunk, you hear me? I donât want you throwing out all over the bedâÂ
Danielâs eyes widen at your squirm of disgust, but you canât help it as you remember one of his anecdotes where he ended up passing out in Max Verstappenâs bathroom.Â
âExcuse me, youâre the one who got drunk on one singular beerâ Daniel retorts, making a beeline for the bathroom while he discards his things all over the room. âWeâll see whoâs carrying who tonightâÂ
âWhat?â you deadpan, does that mean...? âI can... Can I go?âÂ
Author's note: Hope you enjoyed this new chapter, we're nearing the end here you guys! This has been in my drafts for so long, same as the next chapter. Do we have any theories about what is happening? Well, see you in the next chapter! As always, any interaction is greatly appreciated đ
Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and canât seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a couple therapy sessions wouldâve done the trick.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver.
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x reader
Chapter: Previous | Next | Masterlist
Word Count: 5k
Also on AO3
âWe met in Shanghai, when I won the race back in 2018â Daniel says with a roll of his shoulders, trying to shake off the bite of the air conditioning. He glances sideways at you, a crooked grin breaking through âOh, donât look at me like that. There was a time I won too, you know?âÂ
âI wasnât surprisedâ Â
âYeah, rightâ he hums, dragging the words out.Â
The corridor stretches ahead of you, yellow and red carpet swallowing the sound of your steps. The roomâs vintage warmth bleeds into the hallway, all dark wood and softly lit artwork of differents parts of Italy. Youâd love to say you arenât hyperaware of every move, of the faint noises behind the doors, of the light fabric of your clothes sticking to your skin. But you are. Â
âYou came over to the garage with Charles to say congratsâ Daniel continues, eyes fixed straight ahead. Youâd love to say your heartbeat doesnât stutter at the sound of Charlesâ name too, but that is a lost battle âYou were hiding behind him, all shy and nervous. I think it was maybe your first year as a reserve driver, yeah? And wasnât China only the second or third race of the season at that time?âÂ
Daniel turns his head, looking at you expectantly. Waiting. Just as you are, there is nothing you can add.Â
âOh, right. Sorryâ Daniel apologizes after a moment.
It isnât the first time itâs happened, and it wonât be the last. Every so often, Daniel will turn to you to fill in the gaps in his story, or wait for your reaction to an inside joke he ends up explaining anyway. As if this was just a normal walk down memory lane, not a real one.
You try not to hold those moments against him. You canât imagine what it would be like if a friend told you they werenât who you thought they were, if they begged you to explain their own life back to them. Well. You can imagine it. It would be a nightmare.
That is, if Daniel werenât part of it. How big a part, you have yet to find out.
So you walk in silence, because you need this little arrangement of yours to work. You want answers. Daniel wants you comfortable enough to leave the room again. So he talks and talks, and you let your feet carry you down the corridor of a hotel youâre already sick of, trusting that sooner or later, Daniel will misstep.
âWell, it isnât important anyway,â the man murmurs at last, turning at the end of the corridor to head back the way you came. He takes a deeper breath.Â
âI... was still at Red Bull then, my last year there. And we used to have these massive parties, because well, we didnât win as much back thenâ Daniel remembers with a huff of a chuckle âAnd, of course, I invited you. Why wouldn't I? Charles too, yeah, but I invited youâÂ
There is a pause to his narration, more natural this time, but still enough for you to notice.Â
âAnd you didnât come, but I-â Daniel trails off, shaking his head. His eyes flick to the floor, as if the anecdote has slipped away entirely. âSorry, I forgot what I was⊠got thrown off. You always fight me on this, so⊠I donât knowâÂ
âFight you on what? Not going to the party?â you latch onto it instantly., lunging for the crack in his story like a predator catching the scent of blood.Â
âNo,â he says, brows knitting together. Looking at you like the answer should be obvious âOn inviting youâÂ
âWhy?â you press.Â
âWhy what?âÂ
âWhy would I fight you about inviting me?âÂ
ââCause youâre like that,â Daniel lets out a small chuckle, shaking his head. You donât understand what he means âYouâve always said I invited Charles, not you. Like I hauled you out the garage or something, when you were right there when I said itâÂ
The sudden passion in his voice pulls a surprised chuckle out of you.Â
âAnd youâve said so much shit over the years, I donât even remember half of it, but I know! I know I was looking at you when I said it. A hundred percentâ Daniel keeps going, seemingly fired up by your laugh and also all those discussions he has supposedly had âEven remember you saying that youâd come, but you always say that the expired champagne made me hallucinate the whole thingâÂ
âExpired champagne?â you laugh at what would have been you own joke.Â
âYeah, yeah, laugh! You are that bad!â Daniel scoffs âAnd then I went and won Monaco a month later, had to eat your wordsâ Â
The man points at you with a grin worthy of a podium, and you canât do anything but accept the indirect burn.Â
âAlright, alright, I relentâÂ
âNo, you didnât! Because then you said I never sent you the details to the party, but how was I supposed to? I didnât have your numberâ Daniel shoots back instantly âBut I told Charles and you two were attached at the hip, so I figured youâd get it. I even asked as soon as I saw him, I swear. I was smashed, but I remember thinking, where the hellâs this one?â Â
Daniel ends his animated narration on a high, the smile pulling at your lips impossible to hide. He is good at that, at making you want to forget none of that really happened.Â
âThat doesnât make sense though. If you didnât know me, why would you remember all that?â you prod, quietly slipping the blade in.Â
Because you are good at it as well, good picking every word apart. You had to be, when youâre surrounded by people so charming they make you want to believe everything they say.Â
âMmm,â Daniel exhales, tilting his head like heâs weighing something, âI might have⊠skipped over the truth a bit there.âÂ
âDani, you promised not to lieâ you snap, the edge back in your voiceÂ
âItâs not a complete lie, you know? That was the first time we met, but not the first time I saw youâ Daniel is quick to clarify, then jokes âYou probably saw me the first time in Shanghai thoughâÂ
âOh yeah, sure,â you mutter, rolling your eyes. âLike you werenât already supposed to be this ultra-famous F1 driver by then.âÂ
âSupposed?â Â
âYes, in all this...â you wave your hand vaguely in the air, trying to put name to a phenomenon you donât understand yourself âThingâÂ
âAh, okayâ Dani says slowly, like heâs only just remembered that youâre aware of the fabricated reality wrapped around the both of you. âBut I meant in person. We actually met a year before that, maybe two"Â
The driver resumes his walk as he talks, eyes fixed ahead.Â
âThey were doing this thing for younger drivers back then. Bringing them into the paddock, showing them the cars, how we worked, all thatâ Danielâs voice trails off, softening into a mumble until he falls silent. Â
âAnd..?âÂ
âAish,â he chuckles suddenly âIâm regretting bringing this one up. Donât even think I ever told you, actuallyâÂ
You perk up at it âWhat?âÂ
âJust, give me a secâ Daniel says, immediately picking up his pace, shoulders tensing like heâs trying to outrun his own mouth.Â
âNo, no, come onâ you press, lunging forward to catch the hem of his shirt before he can get too far âIâm not playing.âÂ
âHey, but-â he starts, and you tug him back, stopping him mid-step and mid-sentence alike. The fabric of his lilac shirt twisting under your fingers.Â
âNo buts!â you insist as he leans back into a wall, your walk through the corridor stopped.Â
Is he going off script? Was he even supposed to say this? Is that why he suddenly looks so embarrassed?Â
âAlright, alrightâ he gives up, looking anywhere but at your intense stare âI may have or maybe have not been... trying to impress you then. Dropping some details about the car, making a couple jokesâÂ
You tilt your head, what is so bad about that?Â
âBut you barely said a word, kept glancing away and I don't know. Took me a solid five minutes to realize you werenât listening to a thing I said,â Daniel lets out a breath that sounds half like a laugh âJust killing time, waiting for a photo with SebâÂ
âSeb?â you ask, genuinely lost. Who is he?Â
âVettelâ Daniel supplies with a roll of his eyes âYou were practically salivating over himâÂ
âVettel?â you repeat with a confused look, the name taking a second to settle.Â
Sebastian Vettel. The F1 driver for that team... yeah, the green one you never remember the name of. You think you mightâve spoken to him once, and only because he had been chatting with Charles. He never seemed too close to you.Â
âYeah, I knowâ Daniel says, clicking his tongue. âChoosing a world champion over me? Thatâs just bad taste.âÂ
That earns a laugh from you before you can stop it. The tension drains out of your grip as you let go of him, taking a step back now that itâs clear this isnât some new revelation, just a ridiculous anecdote. At least, thatâs what you tell yourself.Â
âYeah,â you echo lightly. âBad tasteâÂ
âThatâs sarcasm Iâm hearing?âÂ
âNo, of course notâ you reply, and are immediately betrayed by the smile tugging at your lips.Â
Betrayed also by the step you take back, the way you turn on your heel to escape just as he had done. But Daniel is quicker, of course he is. His big arms come around you, squeezing a new laugh out of you that he harmoniously echoes. So you let yourself be pulled into his chest, let yourself be chastised with a smile and let yourself be fooled. Â
One could say you enjoy it, and there would be a very small, dangerous part of you that wouldnât bother denying it.Â
It is such an easy position to fall into. To have someone you are sure you would have liked far too much in any other situation telling you stories from a past you would not mind having lived through. To imagine Daniel is not this awful presence controlling a fractured reality, but a cute neighbour next door. That the view from your hotel room belongs to a cheap apartment instead of a luxury suite. That these corridor walks are just hangouts. That the effort you put into choosing a nicer outfit, lower neckline, something more fitted, is because he finally asked you out on a date on the top terrace of an expensive hotel. Not because you are testing how far you can go before the world comes crumbling down.Â
Yeah. No. You should change.Â
âMorning!â Danielâs voice calls out as he steps into his room, breath still a little laboured from his early morning run. âIâll take a quick shower and be ready. Do you want to-?âÂ
The man stops dead in the doorway connecting your rooms. . One hand freezes halfway to pushing his damp curls off his forehead as his eyes straight to you.Â
âWhat the hell is that?!â Â
âThis?â you gesture vaguely at yourself, suddenly hyperaware of every inch of exposed skin. âI thought since we were going to the bar, and itâs really hot outside andâŠâÂ
Your words tangle together, nerves kicking in. You did too much. He is going to think you are weird. You are weird. What were you thinking?Â
âNo, that!â he cuts in, horror creeping into his voice as he points to the angry red mark on your chest, flushed with uneven waves forming a halo around your necklace. âWe have to get you to urgent care. That looks awful. How did you hurt yourself? Why the hell didnât you tell me?â Â
Daniel is already halfway back into his room, reaching for his car keys when you talk âWhat do you mean? Itâs much better nowâÂ
And it is. The small blisters that had made it almost impossible to wear a shirt, now only discolored marks and bumps that you can barely see now. It has faded so much since the nightmares stopped. Since you started sleeping next to him.Â
âNow?â he shoots back, spinning around. âSince when did you even have that?âÂ
You hesitate, searching your memory and coming up with nothing. It feels like it has been there forever.Â
âAlright, nope, come on,â he decides, grabbing your hand. âYouâre telling me on the way to the hospital. Thatâs insane.âÂ
âNo. Iâm not going to the hospitalâÂ
Your denial makes Daniel stop on his tracks, intertwined hands hanging in the space between you. You can almost see the wheels turning behind his dark eyes. Â
âOh⊠right,â he mutters slowly, pulling his shoulders back as if recalibrating. âOkay. Donât stress, alright? Iâll call my doctor. Or yours. Actually, better yours.âÂ
He fumbles for his phone, fingers hovering over the screen, thinking out loud as he goes. âNo, wait⊠Iâll talk to reception. Yeah. Thatâs better. Theyâll know someone nearby. Sit down for now, yeah?âÂ
âNo,â you say quickly, letting him guide you back to sit in the bed anyway. No doctors, that was your agreement. âDonât call anyone. Itâs just from the necklace.â Â
âWhat, from the necklace? Are you allergic to-â Daniel leans in closer to look, too close, and you press a hand to his shoulder to put some distance between you. âNo. Thatâs no allergy, it looks like a... burnâÂ
âDaniâÂ
âWhen did you even-?â His voice rises again, panic flaring. âWas it during the race? No, you didnât race. You were right here! What-?âÂ
âDaniel, stop!â your raised voice cuts through him instantly. âYou know itâs the necklace, you donât have to lie. Itâs fine. I know it heats upâ Â
You donât know how. Or why. Or when. But making him think you do might bring some information.Â
âWhat are you talking about?â Daniel waves it off at first, you are talking nonsense. Yet he falters when you donât give in âThatâs not...., It heats up? From what?âÂ
âI donât know. The nightmares? You tell meâÂ
The man exhales, âThat doesnât make any senseâÂ
âI knowâÂ
Daniel studies you for a long moment, brows drawn together in deep thought. And he dares to look surprised. You cannot tell whether it is because you have figured something out, because you are confronting him head on, or because the walks and stories pulled straight out of a romantic novel have not managed to make you forget what is really happening.Â
Not when you wake up every morning silently listing the names of the people you love while staring at Danielâs sleepy form beside you, checking if any of them have been erased overnight. Not when you write your memories down on scraps of paper and hide them while he is out on his morning run, just in case those are next to disappear.Â
You may enjoy being with Daniel. Enjoy, yes, weâll call it that. But youâre not letting that blind you again.Â
âThen letâs take it off, yeah?â Daniel says after a beat, reaching towards it with unsure hands âIf itâs hurting youâÂ
You shrug and tilt your head forward, baring your neck âIf you canâÂ
âWhat? Is it broken?â the man wonders as he fiddles with the clasp. You swear you hear it click open before Daniel leans back with it on his hand âNo. Seems fineâÂ
âNo. Because itâll just come backâ you accept as matter of fact something that just doesn't make sense, nothing here does âI donât know how you do itâÂ
âI didnât do anythingâ Daniel replies immediately.Â
âWell, whatever,â you shrug. Thereâs no point arguing. âYou saw it. Doesnât matter what I do with it. Throw it out the car. Down the toilet. It just comes back.âÂ
âWhat are you talking about?â Daniel waves off âThis isnât...âÂ
He stops. The realization that the same necklace you once showed him spiraling down the toilet is now sitting in his hand seems groundbreaking. Keyword: seems. Was it mandatory to be both a brilliant actor and an F1 driver to be part of whatever this is? Maybe they sprinkled a few psychological manipulation classes there. Being easy on the eyes probably helped too.Â
But for what? Thatâs the question that keeps circling, unanswered. Thereâs probably nothing waiting for you in the real world but an expired box of cereal. So whatâs the endgame here? This path only leads to you being erased completely, replaced with a version of yourself thatâs richer, loved, successful. An Formula One driver with friends and family and such an amazing future already laid out. Â
What are you not seeing? There has to be more. A reason why Daniel quietly hides the necklace after that. Why it doesnât reappear around your neck despite the days passing. Why he never brings the conversation up again and shuts it down the moment you try. Why his training and meetings come to a halt, even with only a week left before the next Grand Prix.Â
At least it leaves more time for you to go on longer walks, for your chest finally healing, and for you to gather information you wonât find written anywhere. Daniel will misstep at some point, say something he shouldnât, contradict himself.Â
Things are finally changing. You have acquired so much freedom in so little time. You can go back.Â
Yes, you will... you will go back.Â
âAnd we just kept running into them everywhere, got the same guide for the Botanic Garden in Rio and everythingâ Daniel says as he pushes open the stairwell door, the elevator still feeling like a step beyond what you were allowed to reach. It could trap you if the world started slipping away âWe booked a private tour, but the company messed the timing, and the girls were nice enough, so we just did it togetherâÂ
âBut the photo looks like itâs on a beach or something,â you cut in, quick as always to pick at the seams. Since he had uncovered the truth about the picture for you, you had studied it enough to memorise every detail. Â
It definitely wasnât taken in some park.Â
That photo was the whole reason you agreed to eat at the restaurant today. His bribe. You had managed to visit it once since this whole experiment started, lured out by a slice of cake youâd been eyeing on the menu. Besides, having every meal delivered to the room was starting to feel less like caution and more like confinement.Â
It had been a big step, even if you hadnât made it past the menu before you freaked out. Still, you canât stop moving. You canât escape whatever this is by turning your room into a cell. Daniel had found a little loophole anyway, a small terrace off the side of the garden that wasnât really part of the restaurant, but had been turned into one today just for you.Â
You will miss being rich and famous enough to just do these kinds of things.Â
âYeah, yeah, because we didnât take the photo that day,â Daniel specifies with a shake of his head âPretty sure it was in Copacabana. Near that big rock... thing. Iâm not even going try butchering the name after the amount of shit you gave me about the Costa Verde coastâÂ
He laughs, hand settling at the small of your back as he guides you around a cluster of people forming in the hotel hall. Your body unconsciously leaning into him.Â
âBut Costa already means coastâÂ
âSee?â he nods âStill got it.âÂ
âSo is this just to laugh at me,â you retort, a smirk playing on your lips âor are you actually going to tell me what these girls have to do with the photo?âÂ
Oh.Â
The words slowly die on your lips, coming out as more of a reflex than a complete thought. Your gaze snaps to him, and suddenly everything Daniel just said, every careful step youâve taken down here, crashes into nothing. What is he doing here?Â
The man leans back in his chair at the far end of the cobblestone garden, a drink left untouched on the lone table beside him. Heâs dressed casually in a crisp white short-sleeved shirt and dark green cargo pants, braids falling loose over his shoulders. One leg crossed over the other, his fingers write something on his phone. Completely at ease.Â
âWell, it was them that took it!â Daniel answers a question you have now more than forgotten. Oblivious that you are only moving because his hand is guiding you fordward âWe were taking photos of each other on this bar we met at again, and when it was our turn, they started chanting âkiss, kiss!ââÂ
Lewisâs gaze lifts from his screen, meeting yours over the rim of his sunglasses. His lips curve into a soft smile.Â
âWhat is he doing here?â you blurt out, panic snapping tight as you freeze mid-step.Â
Danielâs hand on the small of your back makes him stop at your side, turning him just enough to face you.Â
âWhat?â he asks, brows furrowed.Â
For a split second, you almost convince yourself itâs a coincidence. That Lewis just happened to stay back in Monza, just happened to be at the same hotel. That somehow Daniel and him hadnât crossed paths in over a week. That the man youâve been leaning into hasnât just led you straight into the lionâs den.Â
Then Daniel follows your gaze, and his expression doesnât change. At all.Â
âOkay, IâŠâ He hesitates, and it feels like rocks stacking up over your head, ready to collapse. âIâm sorry I didnât warn you. I was worried you wouldnât even try to come. Youâve been doing so well with the walks.âÂ
âDaniel, I donât care,â you snap, redirecting the conversation âWhat is he doing here?âÂ
Is this a fucking intervention?Â
âAlright, alright,â he says quickly, nerves finally breaking through as he glances between Lewis and you. Unfortunately, you canât tear your eyes away from the Mercedes driver, waiting for him to pounce âYou know how rough itâs been lately. This isnât- Iâm just really worried, yeah?âÂ
You go to stop his rambling, but Daniel doesnât let you this time. Â
âI know you donât believe me, I know. And I get that. I try, I really do try,â Daniel almost trip over his own words in his effort to explain himself, he knows well enough you wonât put up with much but is apparently too nervous to just let it out. âAnd I talked to Nick, your parents, your psychologist-âÂ
But thatâs your limit, the lies.Â
âI donât have a psychologist.âÂ
He falters for half a second. Â
âWell, the one from Haas or whatever,â Daniel amends, like that fixes anything. âWith everything going on and missing your Tuesday appointment, Nick talked to her. She said you were a bit off last week too, so-âÂ
The rambling is deliberate. You know that. A distraction. Youâve never spoken to that psychologist. Never had a Tuesday appointment. Not last week, not ever in this reality. What did you even do last Tuesday? Well, you donât remember. So, what does that woman know about- Wait, what?
You donât... remember? Last Tuesday?Â
âWe just thought it might help to talk to some friends and familyâ Daniel continues, voice softer now âAnd Lewis stayed around, just in case.âÂ
Your gut twists at his words, and itâs proven right when Lewis stands, as if on cue. The man walks towards you two.Â
âNo. Stop it!â you point at him as you take a step back yourself.Â
Danielâs attention snaps to Lewis at your shout. Yet, instead of backing you up, his hand slides from your back to take hold of your arm. Not tight. Not rough. Just enough to halt your escape.Â
âDaniâ his name leaves you on a breath at the action, disbelief cutting deeper than anger. Tears sting at your eyes. You thought things were getting better, you thought...Â
Your gaze flicks from his hand to his face, then to Lewis as he approaches. This is it. Theyâre done waiting. Done pretending. You feel it starting, the heat where Danielâs fingers rest, the rush of blood pounding too fast, too loud. The familiar haze creeping in as everything threatens to collapse.Â
âHey. Alright. Iâm stopping here,â Lewis slows down, palms raised âIâm not coming any closer.âÂ
You donât look at him. Canât look at him, and not just because the tears are completely blurring your vision.Â
âEasy. Please donât cry,â he adds softly âDonât cry, my dearâÂ
You are trembling now, have been probably for a while now. The pressure around your head building and building, threatening to crack it.Â
âDanielâs just worried,â Lewis continues, hesitant, but clearly not enough for the state of nerves his mere presence has put you in âWe all are. Thatâs all this is.âÂ
We. The word twists in your chest. Who exactly is we? Thatâs what you want to ask. Thatâs what matters, not these fake stories you are just starting to grow envious of. But you canât look away from Daniel. You donât dare. As if turning your eyes from him might be the thing that tips everything over.Â
Looking at Lewis, talking to him, simply being here... The fact that nothing happened with Daniel is not a clear pass. You can clearly remember the last time you tried to be honest with Lewis.Â
At your lack of response, Lewis tries again âWhy donât we sit down for a moment? And talkâÂ
âItâll be good. Itâs nice outside, weâll have that dessert you wantedâ Daniel offers, probably feeling the weight of your gaze on him. Like your decision depends on his view on the matter, and not on the hold he has on you âAnd Lewis can tell you a couple funny stories as well, see if anything rings a bell?â Â
Lewis shakes his head gently. Â
âNo, no. No pressure today,â he cuts in, briefly glancing at Daniel âWe can leave that for another time, I think thatâll be better. This place is lovely, though. We can just sit. See how you feelâÂ
The British man reads the situation far better than Daniel, despite having spent much less time with you. Though you canât give him much credit for it. Youâre frozen in place, panic bubbling under your chest. Not a word has left your lips, but your heart is answering for you, hammering in your ears. Harder. Louder. Â
Itâs coming.Â
âCome on, letâs-âÂ
You donât let Lewis finish. You wonât let them do it.Â
The second Danielâs fingers loosen around your wrist, youâre gone. You donât run. You donât scream. You donât cry the tears that have been pooling in your eyes while they discussed what to do with your life. You simply turn and walk away, like nothing has happened.Â
Because maybe, just maybe, if you leave quietly like you once did with Daniel, the world wonât collapse on top of you. You have to gamble on it. There is no other option. Theyâve already tried to pull the ground out from under you. You just pray no one follows. Pray no one pushes you back into that darkness again.Â
And somehow, no one does.Â
You walk alone through the hotel halls, up the stairs, your card shaking slightly as you press it to the reader. The door opens and lets you in. Back into the safety of your room. Back into the comfort of your jail.Â
It should feel like a win, if only because you made it back and can still think clearly enough to register it. Yet, the happiness only lasts a second. Relief falls upon you as hard as the doubts do. What if it wasnât a trap but a test? What if they wanted to see whether you could keep going along with it, despite knowing the truth? What if Daniel was giving you one last chance?Â
You can almost feel it. The reaction of the world all around you to your failure. Itâs in the seconds stretching like hours, in the quiet outside the room, in the way Daniel slips into bed that night without a word. And despite how much his betrayal hurts, only one thought sticks.Â
You fucked it up.Â
The proof of it waiting for you the next morning. You find your grandmotherâs necklace resting against your chest, heavy and cold. Strapping you down to this reality once again. They donât trust you anymore.Â
And that thought is enough to set you into motion. You canât sit back with it wallowing in self-pity. Because if you do, they will act first. You have seen how quickly things can shift, how easily control can be taken away. So you get to work.Â
The moment Daniel leaves for his morning run, you close every open tab about Formula One youâd been using to fact-check his stories and open the messaging app instead. Why you do that instead of taking one of your phones from Danielâs room is a mix of fear that heâll catch you and a strange certainty that touching it will pull you right back into all of this.Â
But you have to make up for yesterday. Fast. Before they decide youâve crossed a line that canât be uncrossed. You need them to trust you again. Thatâs what the walks were really about. You see it now, a little too late.Â
Even though it is your hand clicking into the page, you arenât prepared for it when the chat log instantly opens. It is flooded with unread messages. This isnât even your Haas work phone, itâs supposed to be your personal one, and yet itâs filled to the brim with them. Names you donât recognize mixed with others you canât bear reading.Â
You donât scroll. You donât linger. You only look for Lewis. Youâll apologize. Thatâs it. Maybe ask if you can meet another time. The next Grand Prix is so close. Three days until the first practice.Â
And though Lewis isnât the first chat to appear, nor the one with the most messages, you find that he did write you right after the Monza GP ended.Â
Hey, just wanted to check in. Iâll be staying back in Monza for a few days, in case you need anything. Hope youâre doing okay. Iâm always here if you want to talk.Â
Your fingers hover over the screen, uncertain whether mentioning what happened would make things better or worse. In the end, you donât overthink it. You just type.Â
Sorry about yesterdayÂ
If youâre still around, maybe we can try againÂ
I understand if you donât want toÂ
You send them fast, before you can change your mind. His response takes hours to arrive though, and when you finally open it, your heart sinks.Â
Thereâs nothing to worry about. I canât imagine how difficult this must be for you. I would love to meet again. I had to take an early flight to Singapore, but we can talk on the phone whenever you want, and I can be back as soon as the race is over. Text me when youâre ready. It doesnât matter if itâs in Monza or back home, Iâll go.Â
If you were stupid, maybe you would have taken that offer. Sat still until Lewis could fly back. Watched Daniel leave with promises to return in the first flight after the Grand Prix, as if with him wouldnât leave the little freedom youâve gained. Waited for Nick or your fake parents to arrive like Daniel wanted, for them to finally take you.Â
But youâre not ready to give up. You wonât sit around and let them decide when to drop you like a lost cause. You have to continue.Â
So when you finally bring it up to Daniel that Thursday, just hours before his flight while heâs finishing up his suitcase, he looks genuinely surprised. After all, itâs also the first time youâve spoken since what happened with Lewis.Â
âI want to goâÂ
He pauses, brow furrowing. âGo where?âÂ
âTo SingaporeâÂ
âWhat?â Daniel lifts his head at that, some socks hanging uselessly from his hand. âI donât think thatâs-âÂ
âNo, no. Listen, itâll be good. You said it, I need to get out more, see people and be normal againâ you nod as you speak, the words rehearsed but tangled, like youâre trying to sell the idea to yourself as much as to him âIâve done well on our walks, you know I have. And-, and I even went down to the restaurant on my own this morning. Got some cake to make up for⊠the other dayâÂ
Itâs a lie, clearly, slipped in as a last resort. The only thing you have eaten since then were a couple biscuits you hid in your room. Anything Daniel brought back, youâd thrown away, too afraid of what might be mixed into it.Â
âThatâs good,â Daniel smiles, but his tone is tentative. He busies himself folding a shirt before continuing âIâm really glad youâre feeling better about it. Maybe we can arrange for some friends to come visit, yeah? But Singaporeâs a lot. If it werenât for the race, I wouldnât even be going myself. And it was only two days ago you got overwhelmed just seeing Lewis. Youâre not ready to be right in the middle of all thatâÂ
âThatâs not fair!â you quip, voice getting a tone higher than expected âItâs not the same. I got no warning at all. I thought we were just going out for a walk, not- not having my⊠my things read out to me."
âYour what?âÂ
âItâs a saying. In Spanish. Donât-, don't know it in English. Doesnât matterâ you trip over your words in your effort to not let the topic slip. You sit on the edge of the bed between you, forcing his attention back to you. âWhat matters is that things have to get back to normal. I have to get back to the track. Back to everything.âÂ
âHang on, hang on,â Daniel stops you, eyes widening. âYouâre telling me you want to race? Thereâs no way in hell youâre-âÂ
âNo, not racing!â you clarify instantly, hands lifting in surrender. Getting back into that car is not an option. Good luck to the reserve driver because⊠well, he isnât real, but thatâs beside the point. âI mean being there. The paddock. Seeing the guys again. Being there with you.âÂ
The driver looks at you for a long moment. You can see it, the way his expression softens, how badly he wants to believe you. But it still doesnât tip him over.Â
âStill, I donât knowâ Daniel mumbles. He picks up his toiletry bag and pushes it to the corner of the suitcase âIâd have to talk to your parents, your psychologist too,... I mean, just flyingâs a lot, you know, and-âÂ
âI canât stay here either, Daniâ you interrupt, quieter now âYou know thatâÂ
Because thatâs what this is, isnât it? He leaves, and everything resets. You didnât want to say it out loud, worried it would be your dom, but it feels like the only option you have left.Â
You meet his dark eyes, willing him to trust you one more time.Â
âIâm ready,â you insist, steadying yourself âI promiseâ
Author's note: Hello everyone! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'd been missing Daniel so much and got so excited about the Red Bull video, so I had to get to writing hahahha Thanks a lot for reading!!
Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and canât seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a couple therapy sessions wouldâve done the trick.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver.
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x reader
Chapter: Previous | Next | Masterlist
Word Count: 5.8k
Also on AO3
The laugh blooms from your chest unrestrained, mixing into the others already filling the room. It feels like it belongs here. Like it has always belonged here. Both hands come up to your face, uselessly trying to muffle the sound as it spills through your fingers anyway, your cheeks aching from smiling too much, your stomach tight with it.
âEstoy llorando, ÂĄestoy llorando! (Iâm crying, Iâm crying!)â you protest between breaths as small tears start prickling at your eyes, the words dissolving into giggles.
The room answers immediately, hands pushing you around in mockery, your misery only feeding the laughs. You give up trying to resist and let yourself fall into the person sitting beside you, laughter still shaking you.
His arms come around you with easy familiarity, a practiced shield against the teasing that you welcome without thinking. You melt into it, cheek pressing against his chest as the noise slowly gives way to another anecdote.
Voices overlap like threads weaving together into a familiar sound you know by heart. The chuckles breaking in small bursts, followed by groans as old memories are dragged back into the light.
âÂżVes que te tienes que quedar? (See? You have to stay)â his voice vibrates against your face where it rests on his chest âAquĂ no te falta de nada (You have everything here)â
âNada (Everything)â you accept with a soft exhale.
Thatâs the simple truth, even though the thought tightens something in your chest.
âSi yo no me quiero ir (I donât want to leave),â you sigh, turning to look at him âPero es que- (but itâs just that-)â
The words die in your throat, your mind stutters. There is nothing there.
Well, there is. That little tilt of his head, the familiar angle of his jaw, his dark hair perfectly falling over his⊠face? Your brain reaches for recognition, fills in the gaps on instinct.
But there are no eyes to meet yours. No mouth midâsentence. No expression waiting to soften or harden. Instead, itâs just a smooth, stretched expanse of skin where a face should be. It shifts slightly, grotesquely, as if trying to remember how itâs meant to move.
The voice comes anyway, booming from nowhere, as if the room itself has decided to answer you in his place.
You whip your head to the side, heart slamming against your ribs, desperate to see if anyone else is seeing the same as you. To confirm this is just a trick of the light, your vision gone bad, proof that youâre still sane.
And yet, what looks back arenât your friends. Only faceless people turned in your direction, bodies angled toward you as if attentive. The room is suddenly too still, the laughter gone so completely itâs as if it never existed.
Your body reacts before your mind catches up, panic flooding your limbs in a violent rush. You jerk away, scrambling out of your seat to put distance between you and that⊠that monster.
Theyâre everywhere. Follow you as you step backward, their voices overlapping, familiar tones cradling you into a corner. Trapping you in.
âTranquila (Easy)â
âOye, mĂrame (Hey, look at me)â
Fingers curl around your arm. Sudden. Sharp. Painful. Heat lances through you all at once, blistering every inch of skin it touches. You gasp, the sound strangled somewhere between shock and terror, muscles locking.
You squeeze your eyes shut on instinct, a useless attempt to make it stopâŠ
Though the motion only opens them into the darkness.
You snap upright with a violent inhale, one hand flying out wildly, grasping at air, at fabric, anything. Your heart slams against your ribs, pulse roaring in your ears. Your gaze jumps from one point to another, shapes beginning to emerge with painful unwillingness.
The outline of a room. A bed beneath you. Sheets tangled around your legs, half-kicked away. Your hands shake as you press them into the mattress, grounding yourself.
It was a dream. Youâre alright. Just⊠a nightmare.
You drag in a deep breath, then another. The burning sensation on your arm now a ghost of pain that makes you shiver.
The room is quiet, save for muted sounds filtering in. Metal clinking softly, something sizzling, the low hum of movement. Time to wake up.
Your body feels heavy as you push yourself out of bed and pad into the hallway. Still half-asleep, bare feet brushing against the warm wood. You scrub at your eyes with the heel of your hand, trying to chase away the lingering fog. The high chair by the counter feels inevitable. You slump into it, cheek pressing against the cool surface as your mind still chases the sleep you wonât give it.
Instead, your gaze settles on the broad expanse of his back as he stands at the stove, bare shoulders shifting lazily with each practiced movement. Your eyes trace the moles scattered across his skin like constellations, mapping them without meaning to.
âOkay, listenâ he claims your attention as he turns with a stacked plate âBest pancakes youâre ever gonna haveâ
And just like that, the spell snaps.
âWhat-â your head lifts sharply, voice coming out thin âWhat are you doing here?â
âWho let you in?â you push back from the counter, heart racing âYou canât be here. Youâre not- this isnât-â
Carlos steps closer, concern softening his expression âHey, heyâ
Completely ignoring your words.
âGet away from me!â you shout, backing up as he reaches out.
His hand lands on your skin with hesitation, you can clearly recognize it flickering through his eyes. But the touch itself burns, blazing a path all the way to the center of your chest.
A scream rips out of you.
Youâre yanked backward, weightless for a split second before something slams you down again, a crushing force pinning your shoulders down. The air rushes into your lungs. Your body bucks instinctively, muscles screaming as you fight the heaving pressure holding you in place.
âItâs me, itâs okayâ the voice says quickly âItâs me!â
Your eyes fly open to darkness, a black shape looming over you. You blink hard, vision swimming with terror clawing at your chest. The light from behind it unsurely drawing the silhouette, the planes of its face,âŠ
Daniel.
âNo, get out!â you scream, panic reigniting with twice the force âGet away from me!â
You twist violently, slipping out of his grip and rolling off the bed, hitting the floor hard before scrambling backward. You donât stop until your spine hits the wall, hands raised defensively in front of you, knees pulled tight to your chest.
âYouâre not real!â you scream, over and over, the words tearing your throat raw.
Daniel steps back immediately, hands lifting in surrender, his figure wavering through your tears. You scrub at your face aggressively, forcing your eyes clear. You canât let him out of your sight.
Sleepy eyes wide with worry. Dark curls sticking out at odd angles. The black fabric of his pajamas rising and falling unevenly with his breath. He watches you in silence.
The room is dim, the only light spilling in from the hallway through the half-open door. The seconds drag, the initial adrenaline that flooded your veins now falling from its peak, leaving an exhausted puppet in its stead.
âI brought you some water,â the man says softly, nodding toward the bedside table where a tall glass sits âYou were screaming and I⊠I didnât know what to doâ
Silence falls. Well, it would be silence if not for the sobs still slipping through your lips.
Daniel exhales, running a hand through his hair, eyes never leaving you âWe canât keep doing this,â he says quietly, shaking his head âYou canât keep doing this. Youâre not okayâ
A sob tears out of your throat. You fold in on yourself as the necklace chimes softly once, then again, metal tapping against your chest as your hand flies to your racing heart. You curl tighter, the other arm wrapping around your knees. Tears flood your vision, blurring the image of Daniel standing at the end of the bed, worried beyond comprehension.
Again.
Itâs the exhaustion the only thing that has changed in these past few days, deepened the dark circles under your eyes. The nightmares following you where the headlines about your nervous breakdown canât, yet the constant threat of this reality warping is always there.
At least you didnât run the Italian Grand Prix. A small victory, if it can even be called that.
Youâd locked yourself inside your driverâs room instead, collapsed in a corner with tear-stained cheeks. Nick convincing words reaching you even through the locked door, followed by your mother's broken pleas to please open the door. Your own personal living hell in which Daniel had left you alone despite everything.
âPlease, donât do this to me again. I canât do it anymore. Itâs killing me.â
You canât go back to racing. You canât let them knock you out again.
âI know, I knowâ heâd murmured, over and over. His free hand had cradled your cheek, trying and failing to wipe away the tears as they kept coming.
Of course he knew, he knows everything. Controls everything.
Thatâs why you were awake when he came back later, soaked in sweat after the two-hour Grand Prix. Why he managed to get you back to the hotel in that green McLaren again with barely any resistance from your parents. Why you stayed close to him after, like a shadow afraid of being left behind.
Daniel has changed the entire dynamic. The fans left the entrance, Nick and your parents left you ârelaxâ, itâs all in pause. Only until the next GP that is, everyone has made that clear. Two weeks. Time is ticking.
You hear Danielâs steps more than you see him circle around the bed. He sits down near you like he has every night since, leaving just enough space to not send panic spiraling through you again.
And you hate how grounding that gesture alone feels.
âDo you at least want to talk about it?â Daniel asks after a beat of silence, his head leaning back against the wall.
âI donât knowâ
Should you? Is it even a secret? Do they know what you dream? Does it get to that point? Then again, creating copies of your parents seems far more extreme than peeking into your nightmares.
âThatâs alright,â he murmurs, crossing his arms as his legs stretch out in front of him âI didnât dream of anything tonight⊠well, I donât dream much at allâ He yawns softly âI think itâs because Iâm such a light sleeper. Kinda annoying most of the time, but⊠comes in handy, yeah?â
You can hear the grin in his voice, the exhaustion too.
You donât think youâve let him sleep more than a few minutes at a time since he moved next door. Youâd argued against it, argued against everything, really. No, you canât leave Monza. No, you canât change hotels. No, you canât look at any of your phones. Anything could trigger it, make reality fold in on itself again.
Or maybe Daniel controls that too. At the very least, he seems to have stopped it.
âI donât-, donât dream much either, I, I-â you speak between sobs, choking on your own spit, trying to steer your thoughts away from the theories. Your head hurts âI just⊠miss them so muchâ
The sentence barely survives the wave of tears that follows it. Daniel shifts closer, an arm coming around you, pulling you gently into his side as he lets you cry it out.
âI couldnât even see them,â you whisper, words shaking âNone of them. They looked like monsters, Daniel. And he was the worst of all, C-, mmm, Ci-, no, Ca-â
Your eyebrows knit together, frustration surging as the name dissolves on your tongue. How could you forget it? Your best friend from Spain. You spent the entire day together back then, did your practices at the same company and ended up sharing an apartment the weeks prior to all of this.
It wasnât even a nightmare, just like the others you had suffered through, but memories twisted into something much darker. You remember that day perfectly. It was his birthday, so all of you gathered at his house. You went there with⊠her, yes. Then met the others⊠You know the others, of course.
âWhat theâŠ?â the words slip out, small and terrified.
The realization hits like a cold slap. You canât remember any of their names.
âSâall goodâ Daniel shushes you as a new wave of tears crashes over you âYouâre alright. Donât worry about itâ
But how can you not? It is instinctive, the way your mind lunges for the memory again right away. And yet, when you do, itâs the image of Carlos that bursts forward instead. Clear. Too clear. The change of his face, his hand reaching for yours.
The place comes with it. That kitchenâŠ, wasnât it just like the one in his house in Mallorca? That room you woke up to as well, itâs the guest room you used. The blackberry pancakes heâd gone on about for weeks, the ones he never actually got to cook for you.
Why can you see it so vividly? Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, smell the sugar melting into the fruit, feel him so close, so real, like⊠a memory instead of just a dream.
It is with the effort to remember your friendsâ names and of pushing down the feelings bubbling just beneath the surface, that your body finally gives in. Exhaustion wins. Maybe the steady rise and fall of Danielâs chest beneath your cheek plays a part in it as well. Whatever the reason, sleep holds you through the rest of the night uninterrupted for the first time in a long while.
Well, through the night and then some.
When you wake again, itâs with a long, content sigh. Your eyes flutter open, then close again as you bask in the unfamiliar sensation of being well rested. You smile faintly, and go to turn, stretch your muscles, and⊠you donât move.
You try again, frowning. The blankets must have tangled around you. You begrudgingly open your eyes, the golden sunrays a bother as your vision clears.
Just in time to find a sleepy Daniel.
You suck in a sharp breath, your half-awake brain scrambling not to move, not to wake the person youâre very much half draped over. Itâs a futile effort. Danielâs hand tightens where it rests on your shoulder, his hold pulling you even closer.
âGâ morningâ he mumbles, voice thick with sleep.
What the hell is he doing here? Youâd expect this from Carlos. Maybe Charles. But when did Daniel get comfortable enough to climb into bed with you? To hold you like this? And why, after everything thatâs happened, arenât you immediately shoving him away?
âMorningâ you manage, stupidly echoing him.
Your skin prickles when his thumb starts tracing slow, absentminded lines along your arm. A strange warmth spreads through your chest, blooming upward until you have to bury your face back into his chest to hide it. Wrong move.
The driver takes your movement as a hug that he immediately returns, turning fully toward you, both arms coming around like itâs the most natural thing in the world. Your breath stutters.
âSorry I went to sleep hereâ he sighs against the top of your head, loosening his hold slightly. And you almost feel proud of him for a second. Alright, it was an accident. Until he adds âYou wouldnât let go of meâ
The blush hits in full force as his amused eyes meet yours âYouâre lyingâ
âNo, Iâm notâ he grins, eyes crinkling into tiny crescents âDidnât even notice when I got you to bed, did you?â
You just stare at him, refusing to answer. Absolutely not.
âI was so tired, I fell asleep right hereâ he explains, though he is clearly enjoying the outcome âYou were so cute. Had a proper fistful of my shirt, like a babyâ
âNo, I did not!â
âYes, you didâ he retorts, a smirk pulling at his lips âAll âno, Dani, stayyyââ
Your eyes widen and you sit up âI did not say that.â
The man chuckles, holding up his hands in surrender âAlright, alright. You didnât say that one, but I just could hear itâ
âOh, shut upâ
His characteristic laugh booms across the room as you escape it. Thereâs really nowhere to hide in this two-bedroom room you created.
Not that you want to either.
Whether itâs because you think he stopped the blackouts, because he somehow chased away the nightmares too, or a secret third option youâre deliberately refusing to acknowledge right now, you donât know.
You do think about it when the second night without real rest follows. And then the third.
You wake up screaming, again and again. Nightmares plagued with blank faces acting out your memories, your loved ones now nameless figures that simply stare at you. And now thereâs something new threaded through all of them: that first awakening in Carlosâ house.
And you fall for it every single time, for the warm sunrays, the gentle sizzle of the pan, the sugary aroma, for the way Carlosâ lips curl up into a smile behind the stacked plate of pancakes⊠right until his expression twists into raw terror and the dream turns on you.
Danielâs face shifts into something heavier instead, his concern deepening with each passing day. You donât quite understand why it seems to affect him so much. He knows exactly what is happening, the truth of it all. So, why does it hurt so much to see?
He isnât even real, for fuckâs sake.
So, between the cracks opening in your own sanity and the quiet guilt, you decide not to sleep at all. Stay awake for hours on end, laptop on your lap as you search for answers to impossible questions and try to desperately pull pieces of your past back into focus. The real one.
Itâs what you do all day, locked away in the hotel room as Daniel comes and goes. He is giving you a bit of space himself, since you insisted you couldnât leave. You thought he couldnât either, not without turning reality to mush. Yet, he proves you wrong one awful morning. Daniel returns from his quick morning run to find you a trembling, tear-streaked mess, waiting for him or for whatever you fear will come to end your misery. And at least he finds you.
Now heâs free to follow his Formula One driver routines. Youâve abandoned your own. Gym sessions. Diets. Team meetings. Your phone thrown away in Danielâs room, as far as heâll allow.
In case of emergency, he says.
The days stretch away. Longer than when you were waiting to meet Carlos after your kiss, which hurts to even think about now. The search doesnât help. What are you even supposed to look for? Reality shifts? Dimensional overlap? Half the results lead you to sketchy forums or psychiatristsâ websites.
Youâve still not ruled out the possibility that your mind is coming up with all this information either. So, one could say you stare at your thoughts for hours on end, days on end. The letters on the screen twisting and mixing, maybe because your eyes are too tired to read or because your brain is bored of them. But finally, because you are slowly, inexorably, fallingâŠ
FallingâŠ
ââŠreful, theyâre hot!â
Your hand freezes over the plate, gaze coming up to reveal his dark eyes locked on yours, a soft smile pulling at the corner of his lips. Sunlight dances across his longer hair and sunkissed skin, and somehow, impossibly, he looks even more beautiful than ever before.
Itâs only a second, a flash of him, but it drags every feeling youâve pushed down back into your chest. All the longing, all the warmth, everything you have tried to bury in just hours, days since. Though with them all, comes clarity.
A faint tink sounds. Barely there. Almost imagined.
âGet away from me!â you stumble back, heart hammering in your chest
âOye, mĂrame (Hey, look at me)â Carlos worries, taking a step forward âÂżEstĂĄs bien? (Are you alright?)â
It rings again, higher, longer, like metal struck too hard.
âÂĄNo me toques! (Don't touch me!)â you shriek, try to back away from him. But your body feels so heavy, so slow
âVen, no pasa nada (Come, itâs ok)â Carlos says softly. He hesitates before reaching for you, like heâs afraid youâll shatter if he moves too fast âEstĂĄs bien (Youâre alright)â
The ringing swells, overlapping with itself now, buzzing behind your eyes. You raise your hands in a useless attempt to shield yourself, heart hammering, but itâs inevitable.
Carlos' fingers curls around your wrist. Blazing.
The noise detonates then. Not one chime, but many. It fills everything, leaves no space to breathe, no room to think. The pain of his searing touch fading to a distant echo, swallowed whole as the sound rips you apart.
You wake in a sudden jolt, the sound of your own voice tearing through the night before you even register it.
Footsteps rush in almost immediately, the door swinging open. Daniel appears in the doorway, hair sticking up in every direction, eyes wide and glassy with sleep and panic already written across his face.
âHey, hey, itâs alrightâ he starts, moving fast toward you âYouâre okay, it was just a dreamâ
âGet out!â you scramble backward, spine hitting the headboard hard enough to knock the air from your lungs âGet away from me!â
Your chest heaves, breath coming sharp and broken, tears spilling over before you can stop them. Whatever reassurance he was about to give dies on his tongue. He slows instantly, hands lifting in surrender.
âAlright, alrightâ the man coaxes gently, voice low âIâm here. Youâre safe, it was a nightmare, yeah? Just a bad oneâ
But the tears wonât stop, the fear clawing its way up your throat. Seeing that, he closes the distance anyway, reaching for the lamp at your side and turning it on. Warm light fills the room, pushing the shadows back. He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls you into him before you can protest.
Youâre rigid at first, every muscle locked, heart slamming so hard you swear it might give you away. Then you break. You melt into him, body folding forward as if itâs been waiting for permission.
Suddenly, he jumps back.
âAh!â Daniel lets out, hand flying to his chest âWhat the hell was that?â
âWhatâŠ?â you whisper, eyes stinging, already aching at the lack of contact
âI donât knowâ he mutters, frowning as he looks down at himself, then around the bed âThought I burnt myself or somethingâ
He shouldnât be surprised. You can feel the burning now, the metal of the necklace searing where it rests on your chest. Itâs been like that for days now, flaring every time you wake from a nightmare. It has become so constant you barely register it anymore.
He surely knows that, why is he even asking?
âOh,â Daniel speaks, nodding toward your side âDid you fall asleep on the laptop?â
He reaches over to close it, sliding the laptop onto the bedside table. If he sees the very sketchy forum open on the screen right next to a word document, he doesnât comment on it.
âI couldnât sleep,â you say quietly. Itâs an excuse. And itâs the truth.
âYeah,â Daniel scrunches his nose, tired smile tugging at his lips âI know. Maybe, maybe some sleeping pills could help? I some-â
You shake your head before he can finish âNo, please, noâ
The reaction is instant, violent. Tears prickle at the edge of your eyes again at the mere suggestion. Is he tired of waiting it out? Are you stalling whatever plans they have for you? Are the pills just an easy way to knock out? For you to think you did this to yourself? Couldnât resist?
But you are so, so tired.
âHey, heyâ Daniel says immediately, regret flooding his face. He leans in and pulls you back into his arms. âItâs okay. Iâm sorry. I shouldnât have said thatâ
You donât sob this time. You donât have the energy. Just silent tears slipping down your cheeks as the driver holds you close, nearly tipping you over with him because of how youâre both sitting.
âBut you should try get a bit more sleepâ he murmurs after a moment, pulling back just enough to look at you. His thumb brushes away the last lone tear ââS still early.â
Your fingers catch his hand before he can move away completely. You donât look at him when you speak, embarrassment burning under your skin.
âCan⊠can you stay, Dani?â your voice is barely there, wouldnât have heard it if he wasnât already paying attention âPlease?â
The word feels like a surrender. After everything, you hate how much you need it.
For a split second Daniel looks taken aback, but it doesnât take long for that smirk of his to slip into place.
âSee?â he taunts, standing up âKnew exactly how thatâd soundâ
Before you can protest, or rethink it, Danielâs already moving. Your gaze follows him as he crosses the room quietly to switch off his light, then circles the bed and slips under the covers on the far side. Youâre left to click off your own lamp, the soft glow dying as you turn onto your side.
In the dark, his hand finds you. He draws you back against him with an unthinking ease, an arm settling around your waist, pulling you into the solid warmth of his chest. The familiarity of it steals your breath. Itâs too natural, too familiar. Memories you never lived coming to haunt you. And yet you donât push them away, donât push him.
âCan I ask you⊠why you donât wanna go to the doctor? Or take any pills?â Daniel murmurs suddenly. His voice is low, careful. You only hear it because youâve been tracking every shift in his breathing.
You donât answer right away.
The driver waits a beat, then lowers his voice even more, leaning in slightly behind you âAh, you fell asleep?â
âNo, I-â you have to cough, clearing your throat, buying yourself time âIâm awakeâ
Why is he asking that? He knowsâŠ, is this some kind of trap?
Daniel notices the hesitation on your tone and adds quietly âYou donât have to answerâ
You almost let him have it, almost let this fragile peace stand untouched. This strange week where you have been freed from your fake F1 obligations, where this world hasnât demanded anything from you. Only tortured you in your dreams.
But you canât. You have been searching for information for days without luck. And now the one person you suspect might actually know something is here, holding you, asking. How could you not take the chance?
âIâm scared,â you whisper.
Daniel reacts immediately. His arm tightens around you as surprise cuts cleanly through his voice âWhat? Of what?â
âI donât knowâ you admit, because thatâs the worst part. You really donât.
What is supposed to happen to you now?
If they call a doctor. If they give you pills. If whoever has the power to intervene, decides to end this limbo. What happens then? A complete reset? Because you know whatâs happening, well, not really, but youâve clearly broken the script. Your little rebellion has had an impact.
You told Daniel he wasnât real, and yet the world didnât collapse. The man didnât have a normal reaction to it, didnât have a reaction at all really. After all, it wasnât as much of a breaking truth as it was for you.
The Australian presses a small kiss into your hair on cue, pulling you closer as if the conversation is already over. As if affection alone can smooth this away.
âWhy are you lying?â when the words slip out of your lips, you donât identify them as yours, do not identify the courage the darkness and the late hours of the night have given you.
Maybe the insomnia too.
âIâm not lyingâ itâs the second it takes for Daniel to deny it that determines he is in fact lying.
âYes, you areâ
âWhy would I ever lie to you?â the man tightens his hold on you like heâs afraid youâll pull away, voice careful âAbout what?â
âEverythingâ you break. The word splinters as it leaves you. âIâm not⊠a professional driver, Dani. I donât even like Formula One. This is all so stu-â
âHeyâ he cuts in gently, trying to slow you down. âItâs alright. Letâs rest, yeah? Letâs not-â
âNo, itâs not alright!â you interrupt, sharper now, the fear finally finding its voice âI donât even know how I met you, or when. I donât know what happened on that holiday in Brazil, or before that, or afterâ
Your chest tightens.
âI donât know you, Danielâ you finally say, because itâs impossible to not state the obvious. But that doesnât make it hurt any less.
Daniel pulls you closer, his hand sliding up and down your arm as silent sobs rake your body, deliberately, like he can smooth the truth back into place if he tries hard enough. Like comfort might undo damage.
âWhy are you doing this to me?â you whisper at last
He doesnât answer. Instead, the silence stretches, thick and heavy. Endless. And this time, itâs the tears that finally put you to sleep.
Author's note: Hope you loved my christmas present for you all! Thank you so much for reading. As you know any kind of nteraction is appreciated đ
Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and canât seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a couple therapy sessions wouldâve done the trick.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver. You've never been a fan but isn't it like one of the most exclusive sports?
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x reader
Chapter: Previous | Next | Masterlist
Word Count: 3,8k
Also on AO3
Everything hums a little off-key. The warm sunlight pressing on your skin. The low rumble of traffic. The rough fabric of your bag against your palm. Each detail brushes past without ever settling. One moment youâre leaving Daniel in the hotel room, the next youâre inside the airport, as if your legs decided hours ago what you were too confused to admit.
Your body is trying to take you to the only place it still recognizes: home.
It did so without hesitating, without weighing the logic, without even stopping to consider whether such a place exists. Here, in this reality, this illusion.
You may have worn your countryâs flag stitched into your race suit all this time, but now even that feels accidental. A misplaced detail rather than a truth. Articles and photos all over the internet tell a life that isnât yours: your first kart at five, your first national race at seven, your first international win at thirteen. Lies. Lies. Lies.
So, what exactly are you trying to return to? A house? Some belongings that are no longer yours? Your family? When your parents are right here, those carbon copies of the people you loved, now spewing the same lies drowning you in this world.
No, the sad truth is much worse. You have nowhere else to go. No plan left. No backup exit.
It feels pathetic to cling to the idea of a home, yet you do.
The woman at the airline counter smiles with polite impatience as you practically beg for a flight. Any time. The earliest possible. You hear yourself saying it, listen to the thin line of words slipping off your lips, but they feel distant. As if youâre watching it happen rather than living it.
There is a flight in a couple of hours. Expensive, but you have enough cash. You feel the smallest breath of relief, itâs happening. You are out of here. You hand over your passport and start fishing for the money you threw in the bag.
The agent tries the passport once. Twice. A third time. She frowns, apologizes, tries entering the information manually.
âItâs not readingâ she says, frowning at the scanner.
âWhat?â you lean close âI used it like two day ago to get hereâ
And to the handful of other countries you have been made to visit.
She shakes her head âThe system⊠it isnât accepting it.â
âIt has to. It works. Itâs realâ you insist, screaming at yourself while that other copy of you calmly ask her to: âJust try again. Pleaseâ
She does try, but without luck. The worker at the next counter comes to help, then another. Italian words you donât understand flow like darts. The chip does not respond, the number does not exist in their registry, the system rejects the entire document. The more they fail, the harder panic squeezes your chest.
Frustration spills out before you can hold it back. Raw.
Not shouting, you are not shouting, you are just so overwhelmed, so angry, so done. With everything. The heat of it prickles along your skin.
People stare as security is called, whisper as they gather your things. Your passport, your money, your bag, and nearly you as well. And yet, once they lead you outside, the anger collapses withing you.
You sink onto the concrete floor, elbows on your knees, face buried in your hands. What are you going to do now? You cannot rent a car. The train ride is too long, too monitored. No border will let you pass without a passport.
Every route is blocked. You were foolish to think you could slip through the cracks, keep walking without ever looking back. They let you run free for a while, stretch your legs, but the collar has tightened.
âExcuse me, did you drop this?â
You turn, expecting keys or a wallet you can shrug off. Instead, your breath gets caught in your throat. A necklace dangles in between the manâs fingers. The same one you watched spiral down the toilet bowl and vanish in the rushing water a few hours ago. The same one you threw off a moving car onto the highway. And yet it is here, sunlight striking the metal until it throws back a light you canât look at. It pulses in the glare, an almost deliberate sting.
A taunt. A cruel joke.
The man presses it into your hand with a friendly smile, before his eyes lock onto yours with a frown âWait⊠arenât you that F1 driver? My brother loves you. Paolo, vieni qui!â
His shout cuts through the air like a crack of thunder. Heads whip around immediately at the noise. People glance at you, then look again, recognition sparking across their faces.
Someone calls your name. A public announcement of your presence. Another person steps closer with the eager, breathless look of a fan who thinks this moment only belongs to them. Then another. And another. As if the scene inside the airport had not been enough of a show.
Phones rise in a wave. Whispers sharpen. You push yourself to your feet, fingers fumbling for your bag, but you already know it is useless.
In seconds the small crowd swells, hands reaching, shadows closing in. A tightening circle of bodies forms around you, blocking every direction, moving closer for photos, for autographs, for proof that they stood close enough to touch you.
You are nobody, canât none of them understand that?
The pressure squeezes the air out of your ribs, memories of Monaco flooding you. Only now there is no Charles with a steady hand at your lower back, murmuring reassurances as the police pushes the people away, anchoring you against this farce. No, this time it is someone yanking your shirt to line you up for a selfie, shouting filling your ears and you are completely alone in a sea of strangers. Again.
The necklace burns against your palm, heating your skin until it feels like blisters should be forming beneath it. You curl your fingers around it anyway, welcoming the pain, wishing it were enough to knock you out. Itâs too much. You canât handle this anymore. Thereâs no end in sight. Theyâll keep playing with you until⊠untilâŠ
Suddenly, a familiar face breaks through the mass.
Nick.
The man moves through the crowd with ease, slipping between people and their thrown arms. He reaches for you as many others do, but he somehow manages to land a hand on your shoulder and turn you around, shielding you from the fans.
âBack up, please. Give her some spaceâ he says firmly, guiding you away. Then, quieter, he addresses you, like you are prey ready to bolt âLetâs get out. Come on, this way.â
And just like that, you stop fighting. Something inside you sinks, a small surrendering collapse. Your body follows his lead without resistance, there is no use in it.
The airport security finally drifts in behind you, breaking apart the circle of people who had closed in around. You walk between them, hardly registering when you climb into a car. The door slams closed, cutting out the noise, only your pulse continues racing in your ears.
Nick watches you closely, settling in the seat next to you âAre you okay? Did you get hurt?â
The question lands somewhere beyond your reach. You stare ahead without answering, the pendant still burning in your hand. It feels heavier with every passing second.
âHow did you find me?â you know it is a silly question, it doesnât matter.
âDaniel told me you werenât feeling alrightâ he replies. His voice is steady. Too steady. Like he rehearsed this. Then, he adds âAnd people started posting that you were here. Didnât take longâ
Of course. Itâs not like they are keeping tabs on you. Not like Daniel let you slip away just long enough to pretend you had freedom before yanking it back. Not like they all know perfectly well you canât escape. They have brought you back under control so easily.
The world turns into a blur again. You move only because hands guide you, because doors open, because youâre too exhausted to resist the steady push. Invisible strings tugging you along each step. Back to the track. Through the paddock. Past the cameras.
Your life continues without you inside it. The script plays on.
Itâs only when Nick angles you toward the Haas garage that something cuts through the haze. Lewis walks from the opposite direction, moving through the paddock with the usual storm of attention that follows him everywhere. Cameras, fans, journalists, staff and his name being shouted preceding him like a soundtrack.
The sight makes something inside you give way, folding under the memory of the last time you saw him. His driver room. Your tears. Voice cracking under truths that sounded like evidence and insanity at the same time. His hand on yours while reality tore itself apart.
You told him everything that morning. Every terrifying, impossible truth. Waiting. Waiting for him to tell you that it was real. He listened, patiently, through all your tears. And that was all he did. That, and ignore you.
His eyes meet yours, and his face lights up in a way that steals the air in your lungs. The driver changes direction instantly, slipping through the crowd as it parts for him on command.
Time holds. You brace for something. Recognition of what happened, a sign, a whisper that he believes the cracks in reality you showed him. That he remembers you. The real you.
Lewis reaches for your hand without hesitation. Warm fingers close around yours and your heart spikes, hopeful and terrified in the same breath.
He gives your hand a soft squeeze, smiles that perfect grin, and says, âGood luck out there today!â
Then he lets go and continues down the lane, swallowed back into the mass of cameras and voices.
Not a flicker of acknowledgement. Not a word of comfort. Not a warning. Nothing. The world closes over the moment as if it never existed. The necklace on your chest grows warm again, mockingly.
You barely notice the race suit being placed in your arms. The medic exam flies over you. Your parents appear in the garage, hugging you and kissing your cheeks. Wishing you the best as if their affection wasnât making your stomach twist.
You swallow down the nausea because there is no room for it. Everything is happening too fast to fight. You are too tired to fight.
By the time you climb into the cockpit of the car, your mind feels detached from your body. The pit crew tighten the belts across your shoulders, check the clasp of the neck support on your helmet, tap the side of the halo with encouragement like you are a child being sent to school for the first time. You lower your visor, listen to the engine rumble to life behind you.
The crew step back in a practiced sweep. The man at the front raises his hand, eyes darting to his right, then his left, checking traffic. He steps back once slowly and then gives the signal.
Here it is again.
You release the clutch and the car begins to roll, nose inching forward. The steering wheel lights flash briefly as systems run their checks. You fix your eyes on the bright rectangle of daylight ahead, the exit of the garage.
Your heartbeat picks up, pounding against the inside of your suit. You know this moment better than your own reflection. The break. The blackout. The switch that brings you out and then back to the garage.
The car creeps closer. The front wing grazes the inner edge of the door. Breath caught, you wait for the sensation, that instant of nothingness swallowing the world whole.
And yet, nothing comes.
No flicker. No disorienting lurch. The world stays still.
The car keeps moving.
You follow the white line into the fast lane, the limiter gently tugging at the engine. This canât be happening. The pit wall crew wave goodbye, offer thumbs up, unaware that something impossible is unfolding inside the car. No. This canât be. You ease out of the garage completely. A cold pulse runs up your spine.
Nothing.
You turn the wheel. The pit lane bends gently to the left. People lean over the barriers, cheering, phones out. You glide past them, exposed and awake, and the rows of spectators on the stands come into view like a wave of color.
Your stomach clenches. Every muscle in your body tightens.
This has never happened. You have never crossed that door and stayed conscious. You have never moved into the lane still entirely here, fully awake, no blackout to pull you back from what comes next. The realization crawls through you like ice.
You ease onto the track as the limiter releases, the engine surging into a deeper growl. The car pushes forward toward the first corner, impatient. A beast being let free.
The car reacts to every twitch of your hands, every unsteady breath. Youâre barely accelerating, just warming the tires, and still it feels impossible to control. You miss the apex in the first corner. You run wide in the next.
One thought keeps pushing through everything else.
You are going to die.
The engine roars to keep your attention louder than it ever sounded from the safety of the garage. The corners yank at you. The narrow view closes in. The camera of the halo looks down at you so harshly.
By the time you pull onto the grid, you are shaking like a leaf trapped in the storm of your own thoughts. You unclasp the harness with frantic fingers as the steering wheel is pulled away. You climb out too fast, adrenaline spilling, and you throw your helmet and the HANS device into the cockpit with a force that will be analyzed by the TV commentators for days.
But you donât care. You need to get out. Now.
Your eyes sweep the space for an exit. The pit lane is only a few steps away. If you move quickly enough and blend in with the crowd, maybe no one will notice. Maybe you can slip out. Itâs now or never.
You barely manage to take two steps before a Haas crew member appears at your side with a parasol, redirecting you with gentle firmness back toward your team. Another man approaches immediately, rattling off strategy notes and start procedures, swiftly cornering you.
You canât hear him. Donât want to hear him. Canât keep your mind still.
More cars roll onto the grid, engines rumbling louder and louder, until they feel lodged inside your skull. You donât even know todayâs qualifying results. What are you? You seem to be so in the middle, they are going to run you over. Youâre going to crash. Youâre going to-
âHey⊠need to talk to you for a sec. Donât get madâ
Your breath catches at the sound of his voice.
You turn to see Daniel standing there, orange race suit tied on his hips and curls tucked beneath the matching cap, looking exactly as he did on your first race. The same words. The same tone. Except now you both know why you wouldnât want to talk to him. Why you should be furious, terrified.
His eyebrows are drawn tight, worry etched across his face. He motions for the men around you to give you both space. They hesitate, confused, but step back anyway.
Why hesitate? Daniel is no different from them. They all know.
âWhat was all that back at the hotel?â
You can only stare at him, confused. Is he acknowledging it? Actively trying to talk about it?
âLook, Iâm not upsetâ he continues when you donât make a move, voice lowering as he looks away âI know itâs a lot right nowâ
You canât even form a coherent thought, mind racing. Yes, the world might not have collapsed around him like it did with Lewis or Charles, but you said it. You told him the truth, that this thing isnât real and so much more. And now heâs come to talk about it.
Finally, after two months, someone does.
âI just want to know if youâre alrightâ he finishes âThatâs allâ
Maybe the bar is so low you donât expect anything anymore. Not comfort. Not understanding. Not even honesty from the people that insist on treating you like an old friend, like a⊠partner. Or maybe the Australian just so happens to stand in front of you at the exact moment the pressure in your chest snaps.
âDaniel, Iâm going to kill myselfâ the words spill before you can stop them âIâm going straight into the wall. I canât do thisâ
Daniel grabs your shoulders instantly. His hands are firm, but you swear you feel them tremble.
âDonât say thatâ he snaps, voice rougher than youâve ever heard it âShut up, donât ever say that again. Why would you ever say that just before a race, I-â
The force of it shatters you. Tears rush down your face, and youâre shaking, terrified not just of the race but of his reaction. Heâs never spoken to you like this. But you canât stop.
âI canât do this anymoreâ the words fall out between sobs âI canât, this is not me, I canât do itâ
âCalm down, itâs⊠IâŠâ the driver starts and ends the thought into nothing âCome, letâs justâŠâ
He pulls you away from the car, searching for privacy where none exists. You are standing in the middle of a Grand Prix. The grandstands are full. Everything is too loud, too bright, too real.
Daniel positions himself between you and the stands, trying to block the view. He cups your face gently, his thumbs brushing your tears away as you cling to his hands like theyâre the only solid thing left in the universe.
People around begin to stare, the currents of people around slowing down, some even stopping altogether. Daniel doesn't care. He pulls you into him, holding you tight while your sobs shake both of you.
âI know how important this race is for you,â Daniel murmurs against your hair âI knowâ
You cry harder. Heâs lying, again. This stupid race is not important. None of this is. Youâve let yourself believe you were past their tricks, that you had escaped whatever script they had.
âBut itâs not worth this,â he says, his hold tightening. âI promise you. Itâs not. Youâre not okay right now, loveâ
Love, he called you love.
âIâm sorry. Maybe you wonât understand or agree with this, but we have to call this offâ Daniel pulls back enough to see your face. His expression torn between concern and decision âIâll get the medicsâ
Is this the moment they make you blackout? Is this the point where everything you fought for collapses again, and you wake up in a different scene with no memory of how you got there? Are these sweet words all you get before reality dissolves into nothing?
âNo. Please, noâ the panic surges so fast it burns. You canât do this again.
âYou canât race like this. Not in this state. You canâtâ his voice is gentler now, his hold on you tightening, as if you could escape this âIâm not letting you.â
âBut no doctor. Pleaseâ your words break into a plea for something so small, so stupid.
âIâŠâ the driver hesitates, studying your face âAlright. Letâs just get you inside, for now, okay?â
He slides an arm around you and begins guiding you away. Cameras swing toward you both immediately, the murmurs follow. The Haas crew take a moment to notice, confusion tightening their faces as they hurry over. One of them asks if you need anything, if something is wrong. Daniel doesnât let go of you when he answers.
You are not racing.
They exchange looks, startled, but they move. A couple of mechanics fan out in front of you, forming an improvised barrier to block the nearest cameras. Another walks behind you, shielding you as best he can from the long lenses tracking every step. Daniel stops by the barrier, helps you jump through the gap in the wire fence, following close behind.
A marshal tries to intercept you, probably to ask where youâre going, how long youâll be, whether you need a doctor. Daniel arm comes around your shoulders again the moment he steps down.
âWeâre heading inâ he says already walking forward, tone clipped but controlled, and the marshal steps aside instantly.
Later, youâll think about his words. About how he isnât even on your team, isnât wearing your colors, isnât your engineer or your strategist. Yet somehow one sentence from him dissolves protocol. No questions. No resistance. Just obedience. Who exactly is Daniel?
For now, you canât process any of it.
The grid noise melts into a single vibrating hum as you step into the pit lane. The teams lean out from their pit walls to stare, garage doors fill with silhouettes watching you pass, fans pressed against the high glass of the paddock club seem to follow your movement like a ripple.
You feel faint, though whether from sobbing or fear or the sensation that reality is slipping again, you donât know.
âEasyâ he murmurs, a hand firm on your back.
You drag air into your lungs, but it refuses to settle. Everything around you tilts, sounds smearing into each other. The world feels thin again, like it might flicker out if you blink too hard.
Steps rush towards you as soon as you put foot in your garage, frantic voices overlapping.
âAre you alright?â âWhat happened?â âTalk to usâ âHey, look at meâ
You flinch. Itâs Nick, your parents, some crew. You hug closer into Daniel, hiding in the space his body shields, fingers curling against his black fireproof shirt. For a moment he freezes, startled by your refusal to even look at your parents, at Nick, but then he shifts. Itâs subtle, but manages to insert himself in between you and the others.
âJust a minute, itâs the nervesâ he excuses you, tone calm and collected despite the scene.
Your motherâs hands hover uselessly in the air. Nick shuts his mouth mid-question. Your father looks like heâs biting down an argument. But they hesitate, and Daniel stands his ground enough for them to actually step back.
You keep your head down, breathing ragged. The world is still spinning. And even without looking, you can feel the cameras gathering at the edges of the garage, the whispers,⊠The story beginning to bloom like wildfire before youâve even made it inside.
The footage of you shaking on the grid. The shots of Daniel guiding you off the track. The sighting of you at the airport. Itâs clear: you have gone crazy. They donât use that word, of course, is better to say unstable or that you cracked under the pressure.
They say everything, but the truth. You were awake. You crossed the threshold conscious for the first time. You drove.
Something changed.
And that terrifies you more than any headline ever could.
Next
Author's note: Thanks a lot for reading! Interactions are greatly appreciated đ
Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and canât seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a couple therapy sessions wouldâve done the trick.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver. You've never been a fan but isn't it like one of the most exclusive sports?
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x reader
Chapter: Previous | Next | Masterlist
Word Count: 6,2k
Also on AO3
Lights flicker behind your eyelids, its rhythm slow but constant. You try to open your eyes, but something resists. Itâs not your muscles, not really, but the light itself sealing them shut. Images begin to leak through the darkness: walls melting into new patterns, faces forming from shadow, and a pulse of static growing so strong it threatens to deafen you. Â
You try to move away, escape the incessant attack to your senses, brain sending a thousand signals of panic as you start to gain consciousness. Yet, it reaches nowhere. What is this? What happened to you? Are you... dead?Â
The thought lands with a cold finality inside you. Dead. Because those are your memories dancing before you, spinning like scraps of film caught in a projectorâs dying light. Each fragment flickers too fast to catch, yet every image stings with recognition. The screams of the rubber against the asphalt. The smell of burnt fuel. A yellow and red screen rushing closer and closer, impossibly fast until-
Your eyes slam open.Â
Air tears into your lungs with a gasp, body lurching forward as your hands fly to your neck. Your nails dig into your skin, oxygen not coming in fast enough. Panic settles in. Your eyes fly through the room, surroundings coming into focus all at once while your heart hammers against your ribs.
The sterile light of the room makes you frown, the white walls casting it harshly back at you, intensifying a headache that threatens to drag you back into unconsciousness. The room is small, scarcely furnished. Only a table with two chairs pushed to one corner and a small white cooler near it, only identifiable by the white noise it produces. And you are sitting well above the grey ground, in a black and not at all plush... wait, is this a stretcher?Â
You almost tumble the whole structure to the ground in your attempt to confirm your suspicions. The metallic sounds of its parts tightening on their screws snapping you upright, recognition finally pushing the gears on your head into motion. This is your driver's room.Â
A recognition which seems to push the world into action.Â
âFeeling better after the nap?â Nick saunters into the room with a chuckle. The way he smiles, so casual, makes your stomach twist.Â
âWhat⊠what happened?â your voice sounds fragile, even to you. Â
Nick tilts his head, almost disappointed âNothing much. They ran all the tests and everything seemed fine. Just had to change the nose of the car, which is a miracle if you ask meâÂ
You stare at him, trying to ground yourself on your own, though he barely gives you another glance before turning to unpack his backpack. You now notice one of your purses sitting on a chair nearby, a couple of plastic bags piled behind it. How did that end up here? How did you end up here?Â
âOh, and they want you to do a quick reflex test with the doctors, just in caseâ Nick remembers, busying himself with some papers over the table âWeâll do it just before the ceremony, so we know for sure youâre good to goâÂ
Your mind is in shambles, memories flashing by in fragments: your parents, Charles, the hotel, your escape. Yes, you were going to leave. Until Charles caught you red-handed in the elevator. Then you went to his room, made peace, and kissed. Heat rushes to your cheeks at the memory, the soft touch of his hand on your cheek, the feel of his lips...Â
âActually, I should message the doctor now,â Nick mutters somewhere through the fog, tapping something on his phone. âJust so theyâre ready when we head down, you know they get all pissyâÂ
The thought shatters, a soundless snapping inside your skull. Static fills your ears in its stead, tires screeching, smoke that burns your throat and the now clear image of a barrier rushing towards you. Â
You flinch so hard it hurts, the sudden movement making the pendant on your chest whine with a fragile chime. A sound so familiar it aches, yet it feels like hearing it for the first time. Both the sharp motion, and the sound of it, jerks Nick to attention.Â
âHey! Whoa, easyâ his arm moves to catch you, but you shift back before he can, your right leg sliding off the stretcher to steady yourself. The movement is small enough to keep him at a distance. If he notices your refusal to let him touch you, he doesnât comment on it, only gives you a laugh âShouldâve let you sleep longer, huh? You were out, didnât even blinkâÂ
Though his words barely make it through the haze. Your mind is reeling, fingers instinctively running to meet the pendant. The tiny bell inside trembles again at the contact, a clear note that hangs in the air. It seems to echo through you rather than around you, reverberating down into your memories. Â
Itâs been so long since you last heard it. That sweet chime that has followed you ever since your grandmother clasped it around your neck as a child. Your teachers used to scold you for the noise, but it was never really your fault. The necklace chimed at the slightest motion, whispering as you talked, walked and even when you slept.Â
âThereâs still some time before lunch,â Nick continues on rambling as he walks back to retrieve his phone from over the table âMaybe itâs better if we hang in here, so you can relax. I can go bring some foodâÂ
The truth doesnât announce itself, it falls on you. The night you last heard it coming fresh to your mind, when you stumbled home in tears and let the weight of another unbearable day drown you. Was it something your boss said? Homesickness catching up to you? You canât quite remember. But you remember this: it was the real world. Â
âYour parents left some snacks, but I saw these mini pizzas by the Alfa Romeo motorhome,â Nick offers, practically salivating at the thought âand the tiramisĂč stand by the Mercedesâ looks amazing. At least theyâve got the theme down this week. They've got their priorities straight, I guessâÂ
It was before you woke up as a Formula 1 driver. Before you found it in one of the suitcases sent to Charlesâ home during your vacation in Monaco. Before it stopped being just a cherished gift and became something else entirely. A reminder. The last piece of the real world. A promise that you will make it out of here.Â
âAlso, Steven wanted to go over todayâs strategy one last time, but we can push that to-âÂ
âStop with that already!â the words slice out of you, sharper than intended, but thatâs something you wonât apologize for. He doesnât deserve it, nobody here does. Not with what they have been doing to you âI donât care, Nick, I donât fucking care!âÂ
Youâve been fooled again. Of course you have. For the millionth time. Even this piece of metal, the one thing you thought belonged to you? A lie. Another one.Â
Nickâs smile drops, confusion tightening his face. âOh, sorry, I didnât mean to-â he manages, taking a half step back, but youâre already speaking over him.Â
âItâs crazy, seriously. Why even ask?â you let out in a tired sigh, because that is all you feel. Exhaustion. Of hearing him, of pretending, of everything around you really âYouâre going to drag me to every single thing anyway. And if I donât? Well, youâll just take me out. Itâs that easy, isnât it?â Â
Two times. Â
Two times someone has swooped in and stopped your escape before you even had a chance to try. First Lewis, when you were made to meet those people trying to impersonate your parents and decided to flee the paddock. Then Charles, casually waiting in the elevator and shutting down your second attempt before it had even begun. And Nick⊠Nick is always there. Guiding you. Watching you. Herding you like youâre something fragile and stupid, shoving you from one race to the next. And his role as your trainer? Perfect cover. Â
And when none of that works, something switches. Game over.Â
You donât understand how they do it, but the pattern is impossible to ignore now. When Nick canât hover at your side, Lewis appears to help you calm down. At least the summer break should have given you some space to figure things out on your own. Yet, instead, Charles had pulled you straight into Monaco for what you now know was meant to be a romantic getaway. It worked, sure, but your point still stands. Step after step, every door closes before you can even reach it.Â
They know. They all know. Â
Theyâve managed to wrap you in this world so seamlessly, letting you think they were fooled by your half-hearted answers, by the gaps in your knowledge no real driver would ever have. Not even when you spelled it out for him, admitted plainly that you werenât an F1 driver, did Lewis react. Not a flinch. Nothing. Well, yes, something did happen: you blacked out. Just like moments ago, when you slipped out of Charlesâ room and dared to call this place what it is, a farce. The second the truth left your mouth, the world around you collapsed on cue. Gone.Â
âWait, what are you talking about?â Nickâs brows knit together, like youâre the one not making sense.Â
âWhat am I-?!â you stare at him, disbelief breaking over you like a wave. How he can ask that with a straight face is beyond you. âNick, come on. Thatâs the only thing youâve ever done since I got here! Drag me from the hotel to the track and back again. And God forbid I ask you a single question about whatâs happeningâÂ
Your voice hangs in the air, trembling with months of swallowed panic, and Nick just⊠blinks. Like heâs hearing you speak for the first time. Like none of this is familiar to him at all.Â
âI- I donâtâŠâ he shakes his head slowly, baffled, the words slipping out with no real meaning âI donât understand, what questions?âÂ
âOh, I donât know,â you say with exaggerated surprise at his sudden burst of amnesia âMaybe that little one about what the hell happened in Austria, huh? Ring any bells in there?âÂ
âHey, hey. Stop. Where is all of this even coming from?â Nick stammers, scrambling for calm. âYou know what the doctors said. You fainted from exhaustion. We can get a second opinion, do a full check-up. Iâll go with you, okay? But right now, we need to focus. Itâs less than three hours until the race.âÂ
âSee? There it is again!â you celebrate with a tight smile, pointing at how effortlessly the excuse rolls off his tongue, even as a spike of panic claws at your throat. Three hours?Â
Three hours until the race?Â
What day is it?Â
It canât be. You met Carlos on Friday, woke up in the hotel maybe Saturday, and then⊠nothing. No practice. No qualifying. How the hell is it race day already?Â
You force yourself to push through, to keep your focus before he can steer you off track âAnd the necklace bringing you bad memories, or whatever you said, what? Thatâs exhaustion too?âÂ
âWhat...?â Nickâs confusion only deepens. He hesitates, stammering âWell, yes? Kind of? Not literally because of exhaustion, but-âÂ
You stand abruptly, cutting him off before he can continue spewing lies. Youâre furious, boiling. This constant loop of lies doesnât suffice anymore. You are not crazy, theyâre clearly hiding something. Why dodge every question and lie about a simple strand of chain if not?Â
Itâs just so suspicious, does he not see that? Even more so when they donât seem to know what the pendant means to you. If they did, they wouldnât have shoved it into the bottom of a suitcase like it was junk. And now that youâre sure, absolutely sure, you were wearing it the night you fell asleep and woke up here, thereâs only one question left: why take the time to hide it?Â
âYou are a liarâ you spit, plain and simple. You are done playing dumb.Â
âHow am I lying?â Nick shoots back, the politeness he always treats you with slipping just a little âYou were wearing it when you fainted, thatâs why! It was just a passing comment. I didnât know youâd hold onto it so badly. If I knew, I would have never said it.âÂ
âHow do you know? You werenât thereâ your response comes instantly. Because he wasnât there. Youâve spent countless nights reliving that day, replaying every second. You know he wasnât there. At least⊠you think you do.Â
The certainty falters the moment the words leave your mouth. You reach for the memory, trying to steady it, but it slips and shifts beneath your grasp. Itâs the image of Daniel that rises out of the haze first, his bright race suit, his messy curls, the warmth of his hand in your cheek, his eyes locked on yours with a kind of fear that sent a shock through you that you still havenât shaken.Â
But the longer you hold onto it, the more the edges of the memory start to frail. Daniel fades back into the blur, swallowed by everything else. Other voices crowd in, hands pulling at you, flashes of color and faces that smear together when you try to focus. The fear is still sharp, the panic carved into you, but everything else melts away like it was never there. Â
You shake your head, trying to force it back. What is this? Did you miss something?Â
âWhat do you mean? Of course I was, I got you to the hospitalâ the man stops for a second, and for some reason he seems genuinely surprised âYou donât remember anything?âÂ
You try to answer, throat tightening. Of course you remember, donât you? It hasnât even been that long. A week... a month... two? Has it really been two months? No, that canât be right.Â
But when you try to speak up, only one word comes out: âNoâÂ
âOh⊠IâŠâ Nick falters âSince you were slipping in and out of consciousness but answering a lot of questions, I thought you at least knewâŠâ Nickâs voice trails off, as if expecting you to nod along, but all you can do is stare at him. Brows pulled tight.Â
No. That didnât happen. Heâs lying. Â
You fainted, yes, crushed under panic and surrounded by strangers. But you did not wake up in a hospital. You didnât wake up anywhere else. Not until the hotel room. You know that. Youâre sure you know that. And yet the thought lingers, gnawing at the edges of your mind. A thin, uneasy voice inside you whispering that something isnât right.Â
âWell, it all happened so fast,â Nick says, letting out a breath. âOne minute you were fine, we actually talked for a bit when you got out of the car. But then they gave us the final results and Daniel came over to celebrate andâŠâ he stops, swallows âI donât know, you just lost itâ Â
âYou were thrashing around, screaming. You wouldnât let anyone touch you. It took five of us just to get you into the ambulance!â his expression tightens, like heâs watching it unfold again before his eyes âAnd then, the second you were inside, you just⊠stopped. You started talking, making sense, like nothing had happened. They didnât give you any meds, nothing, the doctors didnât even get a chance to.âÂ
You wait for him, expectant, as if the wrong move could break the whole moment apart. You remember none of that.Â
âIf I am being honest, that freaked me out even more.â Nick continues, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes drift to a point on the wall, like heâs trying to make sense of it himself âOf course, the medics wanted to keep you overnight and all. But you know how it is. The team started pushing for a release, the race was the next day and they got a warning that youâd not be allowed to race if it was past a certain time. I kept getting calls. Non-stop" Â
Nick prefaces the already known end of the story with a sigh âSo, about an hour later the doctors signed you off. Because, well, you were awake and alright, I guessâÂ
âThen, why did you get into a fight with Daniel?â the question slips before you can stop it, disbelief edging in your voice. If what heâs saying is true, they both agreed that you werenât fit to drive. So, thereâs nothing to fight about. Is one of them lying?Â
Nick shifts, circles the table, and takes a seat. For a moment it feels like heâs waiting for you to follow his lead, but you stay standing. You arenât giving him that.Â
âBecause of the diet program for Monza,â he says, rubbing a hand over his face âLook, I get it. You wanted to be in the best shape possible, for Ferrari to notice you again, and you really didnât want Daniel getting all overprotective about it. So, I was okay with taking the heat, let him get mad at me instead. But the second you went down, I knew something was off. I thinkâŠÂ maybe we pushed too hard.âÂ
Monza. The name of todayâs Grand Prix and the one thatâs followed you like a shadow ever since you got here. It had slipped into conversations long before you even knew what it was. One of your first days, Charles had offered to help you practice your Italian for it. Later, Carlos teased you about it in Mallorca. And now Nick claims this entire diet was in preparation for Monza. For Ferrari, specifically.Â
But why would you want to be in Ferrariâs good graces? They arenât your team. For all the things that happened during this weekend, from your parentâs visit to yesterdayâs accident, none of it had to do with the Italian team. So why does everyone keep acting like Monza is supposed to mean something? And more importantly⊠what exactly was supposed to happen here?Â
âIâm glad weâve got a better meal plan nowâ Nick gives you a small, tired smile. Telling the story seems to have drained him more than it relieved him.Â
Although if heâs hoping for sympathy, he isnât getting it âAnd what does all that have to do with the necklace?âÂ
Â
Your hand drifts protectively to the pendant before you can stop yourself. Even after everything, the instinct is there.Â
âRight. Sorry. I got sidetracked with⊠all of this.â Nick drags a hand through his hair. âWe really do need to tell the doctors you donât remember any of that day. Itâs weird. Or maybe it isnât. Honestly, I donât even know anymore.â Â
âAnyway. The necklace. I was just surprised when the hospital gave it back. Youâve always been so careful about taking off your earrings and stuff for the races. Never had to remind you, not onceâ He lets out a long breath, eyes fixed on the floor like heâs hoping itâll lend him answers âAnd when the nurses came to tell me it had left this huge mark on you, I felt horrible. Iâd never even seen that necklace before, and IâŠÂ I donât know. Iâm sorry, I shouldâve noticedâ Â
âWhat mark?âÂ
âThe burn, well they said it was a burnâ he doubts, pointing at the base of his throat âRight here. It was huge, bright red. The doctor thought maybe the car overheated and you went into shock or something, but the engineers saw nothing on the data. The kind of heat it would have needed to cause such a wound, the car would have fire before any of thatâÂ
You swallow hard. You have never seen any mark like that on your chest.Â
The necklace warms in your hand, gentle at first, but then a sharp pulse of heat shoots through the metal. You flinch instinctively, your fingers jerking open. It slips from your grasp, clattering softly against your chest. When you look at your fingers, the pads are flushed red, the sting blooming across your skin in tiny pulses of pain.Â
Your thoughts tumble over each other. How did that happen? Itâs just a necklace, why...? And then another thought hits you, this isnât the first time. That warmth you always brushed off as your imagination, as some comforting little sign from your grandmotherâŠÂ It wasnât in your head, was it?Â
A pulse of panic cuts through the haze. You curl your hand into a fist, hiding the angry red mark before Nick can see.Â
A knock rattles the door âYou ready?âÂ
Danielâs voice slides through the crack before his head pokes in. A bright and easy smile tugging at his lips, oblivious.Â
Why is he here? Have you gone too far? Know too much? Are they going to-?Â
âOh, Daniel!â Nick stammers, caught off guard âUmm⊠sorry, we thought itâd be better to stay in for lunch and, uh, get some restâÂ
His rambling is the clue you needed. Daniel isnât here to corner you, heâs come for that pre-race lunch tradition he mentioned in Belgium. You can keep going. Theyâve let you keep going and pretend everything is normal. And now that youâve gathered this much information, you need to move. Fast. Who knows if youâll remember any of this when they make you fade again?Â
âNo, itâs alright, Iâll go. Just give me a secondâ you mutter, stumbling toward your bag in the corner.Â
Nickâs eyebrows shoot up like heâs been slapped, he didnât expect you to be so calm after that conversation. The trainer gets on his feet in the next heartbeat rattled. He scrambles after you, scooping up his keys and phone, tossing a flimsy excuse about needing fresh air. Enough fresh air for him to follow you like a shadow to the parking lot.Â
You barely register Daniel unlocking the car until youâre staring at it. A sky-blue McLaren, low and sharp, sun flashing off every curve like it wants to blind you. Â
âIâll driveâ you say, already reaching for the driverâs door. This is your chance. Youâve never driven anything like it, but compared to an F1 car, itâs almost cute.Â
Daniel blinks, amusement flickering across his face like heâs not sure if youâre joking.Â
âSureâ he accepts, finally.Â
The Australian even holds the door open for you, closing it gently once youâre inside. The gesture is soft, polite, and completely at odds with the storm building in your chest while he crosses to the passenger side. Your hands are trembling against the wheel. Should you speed off now? Leave him standing there? Would it be too suspicious? Would they take you out for it? Â
You have no answer for those questions when you hear the door open. Nor when Daniel is already seated beside you. Â
âAlright, so thereâs this little Italian place,â Daniel starts, leaning over the middle as he taps away at the GPS âFamily-run, best risotto in Monza. And the Torta Paradiso? Unreal. Youâre gonna love it. Itâs just up the main roa-âÂ
Yet, you never let him finish.Â
The McLaren roars to life as you reverse out the parking spot. The sound filling your chest, deep and alive. Daniel glances at you, still smiling, thinking your awkward start is nerves, maybe inexperience.Â
âEasy, easy,â he chuckles as the car now jerks forward âItâs touchy, yeah? Bit of a kick to it, donât worry-âÂ
But you arenât worried. You arenât even listening.Â
Your foot presses down harder, and the car surges forward. Tires shrieking.  People turn, startled by the noise cutting through their chatter. But you donât care. The only thing that matters is the gap ahead, the road, the exit.Â
âHey, whoa, slow down,â Daniel laughs, silently apologizing to the people around in your stead âYouâre all right, yeah? Thereâs a turn up ahead-âÂ
The rumble crawls up through the seat, through your ribs, until your whole body hums with it. The world snaps into a tunnel of sound and sunlight. Danielâs half-formed directions vanish in the scream of the engine.Â
âHey! What the hell are you doing?!â Daniel shouts now, grabbing for the dashboard, the laughter gone from his voice. The GPS speaks and recalculates as you make a right turn âWhere are you going?âÂ
You donât answer. You canât. You need to control yourself, not the panic now, but the anger. Because you canât risk saying it. Not that word. The one that breaks things, the one that might make it all vanish again.Â
âIâm outâ you mutter, barely audible over the roar.Â
The necklace burns against your skin like a reminder. Yet, this time you donât let it fool you. You clutch it with all your force, the chain biting into your fingers. Itâs the last thing that still feels real, the last thread tying you down. You hesitate for one heartbeat, then rip it free. It glints once in the sunlight, a spark of silver that you can dare look at, before you throw it out the open window.Â
Freedom tastes sharp.Â
Maybe youâve run this route a hundred times in your head, an escape plan rehearsed in the dark. Hidden even from yourself. Because five minutes, maybe less, you are into the hotel's entrance. Danielâs voice trailing behind you, rising with panic at every turn. Yet, he could never begin to understand what is breaking loose inside you. Â
You donât even park right. The car is abandoned in the middle of the entrance, engine still humming as you throw open the door and bolt. You cross the hall in a single stride, and even that is not enough seeing as Daniel still manages to slip into the elevator right beside you.Â
You donât say a word. Just step back out before the doors close and head for the stairs. Heart pounding. Each step a demand to keep moving, keep thinking. And yet, when you reach your floor, heâs there, waiting. It infurates you.
âHow do you know my room?âÂ
âWhat? I was here yesterdayâÂ
âWhateverâ your voice comes out flat. Youâre done arguing, too far gone to care if he follows.Â
At least the keycard is in the purse you grabbed from the garage. That wouldâve been embarrassing. Who knows, maybe Daniel also has the spare? How convenient would it have been?Â
You shove the door closed behind you, almost. But the driver slips inside anyway, words spilling over each other âAre you okay? What are you doing?âÂ
Thankfully, those are easier to shut out. Your eyes sweep across the room instead. Tidy. Too tidy. Things folded, put away, nothing out of place. Not how you left it yesterday.Â
You move toward the dresser, the spot where your emergency bag should be... empty. Not even a hint of it. The space feels hollow without it, and a cold buzz starts climbing your spine. You took it yesterday, you know it for a fact, everything you had prepare for your escape was there. Panic scratches at your ribs. The bagâs gone. Your passport, the cash, all of it. You force yourself to breathe, to think. You strip off the Haas shirt, the fabric suddenly suffocating. Even looking at it makes your stomach turn. You will be too recognizable with it on. Â
âWow!â Danielâs voice breaks through the static, turning around as he covers his eyes âIâm right here, you know?âÂ
You toss it aside and dig through your suitcase for something, anything else.Â
âThen leave!âÂ
âYouâre not okay right now,â he fights, his tone soft. Fake âIâm not leaving you aloneâÂ
You donât care. You grab the first random shirt you can find and pull it over your head. Then freeze. Beneath it, glinting in the dim light, lies the necklace. Your grandmotherâs. The same one you hurled out the car window at 180 kilometers per hour, mid-highway, screaming at yourself to let go.Â
It shouldnât be here. It canât be here. Your hands shake as you stare at it, every rational thought evaporating. Your chest tightens.Â
Daniel takes a cautious step forward when you start to hyperventilate, voice soft, reaching a hand out to calm you âHey⊠itâs okayâÂ
âDonât touch me. Donât fucking touch me!â you scream, backing up, trembling. âYou know whatâs happening! Thatâs why youâre here! And this, this thingâ You snatch the necklace off the suitcase with shaking fingers, unable to even name it, the sight of it like a punch to the gut.Â
A wild impulse takes over you, and before you know it, you are storming to the bathroom and the necklace is spinning down the toilet. You would love to say it relieves you to get that thing out of your sight, but the tremors raking up your body would call you a liar.Â
Do you think that will stop it? No, you donât even know why you did it. But do you know what exactly you are trying to stop? Also no.Â
Daniel stays at the doorway, expression torn between fear and confusion. You stride toward him, pointing a finger, every step measured, a storm barely contained. He stumbles back as you near him, collapsing onto the edge of the bed that was on his path, knees buckling under the weight of your fury.Â
âYouâre all feeding me lies!â you roar, voice raw and shaking âI believed you! I thought you were good people! Thought you cared about me!âÂ
âWhat are you talking about?â the Australian manages, voice low, urgent âOf course I care about youâÂ
His tone, his face, the way he looks at you like heâs scared youâll shatter. It all digs under your skin. Itâs the same expression he once wore in the garage, the same softness he carried when you fell unconscious right into his arms. Daniel has done this to you.
âI wouldnât be here if I didnâtâÂ
And you are so, so tired of falling for it.Â
Your phone vibrates again, demanding your attention. It has been buzzing for minutes, maybe more. Yet, it only registers in your mushed brain when the sound grates against your nerves. You yank it out of your pocket.Â
âYes, you would! Youâve fooled me enough times, Danielâ you hiss, throwing the phone at his lap âAll those photos, text messages, everything. I donât know how you did it, but I donât care anymoreâÂ
You are done.Â
Maybe if you say it enough times, youâll believe it yourself. Youâre so stupid.Â
You want to scream, to throw something, to tear the room apart. But instead, you turn away. You canât give them what they want. Itâs happening again. Another attempt to stop you from leaving. He was the first person you saw when this reality, or whatever this thing is. Even Nick said it: the moment Daniel appeared, you started to lose control. Â
He canât keep playing with you. You know too much.Â
âWhat messages? What photos?âÂ
âStop acting stupid, Daniel,â you snap, ripping through the suitcase. You start rebuilding your escape bag, hands shaking so badly you can barely grip the zippers. Half the money you had hidden is gone. Of course âI donât believe you. Not one wordâÂ
âIâm not lying,â Daniel insists behind you. He picks the phone up when the screen lights with another incoming call. He declines it quickly, thumb hesitating as he scans your notifications.Â
Your passport isnât in the purse you grabbed from the garage. Not in the suitcase. Not on the bedside table. Your gaze sweep the room again, frustration tightening your jaw. Where else could they have put it? Â
The answer hits you before you can even think. You fling the TV cabinet open, eyes locking onto the small safe hidden inside. Before you can think, your fingers tap in a code you didnât even know you knew. The lock clicks open, and the sound alone makes your skin crawl.Â
âWhat do you want me to see? Thereâs nothing hereâ Daniel mumbles, frown deepening. But then you hear it. A familiar sequence of soft vibrations.Â
Your lock code being typed.Â
Your stomach plummets. Even after everything, it still manages to hurt. Because of course he knows it. He was the one who set it in the first place. And somehow, you still have to swallow the sting of realizing, again, that heâs been lying to you.Â
âYouâve got a thousand missed calls from Nick. Charles texted you, your mother too, Lewis, of course... Andâ Danielâs thumb hovers over the notifications, his voice thinning as he scrolls. Then it falters altogether, softening into more of a thought than speech âOh, you still have that photo of us as your backgroundâÂ
The words slam into you. Your hands still.Â
âWhat did you just say?âÂ
âWhat? That Lewisâ texted? I didnât open it, Iâm just-âÂ
âNoâÂ
You cross the room in three strides, heat rising beneath your skin, and snatch the phone from his hands. The screen lights up âyouâre too concentrated to notice, but yes, heâs unlocked itâ, and there it is: the photo.Â
The same photo youâd always assumed was some stock image of a random couple. A man with his arm around a womanâs waist, both of them turned away, watching the sunrise. Just a pair of silhouettes against the setting sun. But now... Now that side profile, those unruly curls, the smile you can see even from behind. Â
âWhoâs this?â you ask, voice tight.Â
âWhat? Itâs us? Back in Brazil, in that off-week we went to...â Daniel blinks, confusion shifting to worry âDo you not⊠remember that? Are you okay? Whatâs happening? Is this supposed to be a joke?â Â
Brazil. Of course. How could you have possibly forgotten a trip that never existed? Another fabricated memory slotted into place with its own photo you donât remember ever taking. The world rearranging itself around you to keep the illusion airtight. It shouldnât surprise you.Â
âThis is crazyâ You shake your head, a humorless chuckle slipping out âWhat was I supposed to be in this reality? Some kind of fucking whore? Did I kiss you too? Is that it?âÂ
ââTooâ?â Daniel repeats, something sharp flickering behind his eyes. Hurt? Fear? You canât tell âI... No, look, whatever. Listen, If youâre joking, you need to stop. Seriously. Iâm getting worriedâÂ
âA joke?â the word detonates inside you. âYou think this is a joke?âÂ
The last of your control snaps like overstretched elastic.Â
âYouâve been playing with me for months! All of you!â your voice cracks âAnd for what? Why?! Tell me! I donât even know why Iâm doing this. What am I worried about? Why am I scared? None of this is real! Youâre not-âÂ
The rest dies in your throat. The words collapse inward, strangled before they ever leave your mouth. Tears hit your cheeks in hot streaks, appearing faster than you can register them.Â
And you brace for it, for the blackout, for the familiar feeling of the world tearing itself apart. You wait for the floor to slip away, the air to suck out of the room, the scene to fold and reset. Like it has happened before. You crossed the line, pushed too hard.Â
But that is all you do, wait and expect. Because when the tears fall and clear your vision, you are still standing.Â
Why? The question gnaws at the back of your mind. Strong and steady. Why?Â
You never made it this far with Lewis, a word and the universe promptly folded in on itself. But here you are, with Daniel Ricciardo looking at you like you will break away if he breathes too harshly, the lights still on.
Why? Is the trigger not a word? Not a thought? Not speaking aloud? Â
Or is it him? Is Daniel the variable that keeps you from being erased?Â
He rises slowly from the bed, careful like he is approaching an animal caught in a trap. He leaves the phone where it landed and takes a hesitant step toward you, hands lifted in a soft gesture.Â
âHey,â he says quietly, voice tempered to your shaking edges. âJust⊠breathe, okay?âÂ
You donât look at him. You canât. You donât want the softness in his eyes, the concern that feels like a trapdoor waiting to spring shut. His steadiness feels too much like a lure.Â
âDonât you dareâ you whisper. No, you warn.Â
You snatch your bag and sling it over your shoulder. Thereâs no dramatic exit, no last plea. You turn, knuckles white on the strap, and walk out before he can close the distance.Â
The door clicks behind you like a verdict. You can go.Â
Next
Author's note: A bit of a random update, but that's how we do it now I suppose hahhahaha. Thanks so much for reading! Interactions are greatly appreciated. Also, if you want to be added to the taglist, just send me a message đ
Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and canât seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a couple therapy sessions wouldâve done the trick.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver. You've never been a fan but isn't it like one of the most exclusive sports?
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x reader
Chapter: Previous | Next | Masterlist
Word Count: 4,2k
Also on AO3
You wake up to filtered sunlight creeping through the edges of drawn curtains, golden ribbons drawing strange shapes across the roomâs furniture. A faint hum from outside the window travels through the air, the distant traffic, or maybe the wind. The atmosphere is warm, maybe overly so.Â
You sit up slowly, still caught in the haze between sleep and awareness. Your limbs are heavy. Stiff. And you stretch lazily, arms raised over your head, twisting just enough to feel the pleasant pull along your back. Your throat feels dry, your mouth slightly sticky.Â
Still half-asleep, you pad across the room toward the mini fridge. It hums quietly as you open it, cool air brushing your skin. You grab a bottle of water, the cold plastic sweats in your hand as you unscrew the cap and take a long drink. It helps, slightly. The cool liquid settles into your stomach like something foreign.Â
Your eyes drift down to the bottle in your hand. You frown. Your fingers tighten instinctively around it as the plastic complains, and flashes flicker behind your eyes. Not memories, more like static. Sparks that threaten to ignite but never catch.Â
Weird.Â
You try to brush it off and walk back to the bed. The soft sheets welcome your weight as you sit on the edge and reach for your phone in the nightstand. 8:36. It is still early, but you are surprised Nick hasnât already come to wake you up for the morning run and-Â
The screen suddenly changes, lights up with the soft hum of a song bathing the room. Â
DAD.Â
Your whole body goes still, lighting travelling all the way from the tips of your fingers to your chest. The flashes sparks, the flame ignites: what happened yesterday? Carlos. Your parents. You remember running. Voices shouting. Lewis. Words getting stuck in your throat. And then... nothing. Â
What?Â
Your mind feels woozy, like thereâs a wall of cotton that you try to push harder and harder but doesnât budge. You canât remember anything after that. Not what happened with Lewis, not what happened with your parents and certainly not how you got back to the hotel. Your hand reaches on its own your grandmother's necklace, what happened yesterday? What was all that?Â
Your eyes stay locked on the screen. The name âDADâ stares back at you, glowing gently. Just a few weeks ago, the sight of this exact incoming call had filled you with such unrestricted joy. Back then, discovering this phone tucked away among your things during your vacation in Monaco had felt like a miracle, a promise of finally hearing your familyâs voices after so long. But now, it twists your chest with a pain too complex for words.Â
The ringing abruptly stops. The missed call notification popping up, followed by a flood of others. Instagram, Gmail, calendar... but one stands out. From Carlos: 23 photos sent. Almost on automatic, your thumb hovers over it for a moment before you tap. Â
Before you opens a nightmare. Photo after photo of you, your parents and his family. Touring the garage, walking the track, at a restaurant,... Youâre laughing. Radiant. Present. Itâs not just one or two snapshots, itâs an entire day. The date is yesterday. Youâre wearing exactly the same clothes youâd so meticulously prepared for your first meeting with Carlos after the kiss, itâs... Â
But it canât be. That isnât real. That isnât you. What is all this? You didnât do any of this, you were with Lewis, talking in the Mercedes garage, and you were trying to make him understand that you were an impostor and then... everything is blank. What the hell happened yesterday? How did you get here?Â
A knock at the door cuts through your spiraling thoughts. You flinch. The sound yanking you all the way back to where it all started. That first morning. And with it all the emotions you felt, the unshakable feeling that something is deeply, irreversibly wrong fills you.Â
But this time, itâs not Nick calling your name. Itâs your father. âÂĄBuenos dĂas! Somos nosotros, Âżte has despertado ya? (Good morning! Itâs us, did you wake up already?)âÂ
Tears spill down your cheeks. Whatâs happening?Â
You turn on instinct, barely thinking, legs moving before your mind catches up. Once again. You run to the bathroom, slamming the door behind you, locking it with trembling hands. Your foot presses against the base of the door, unconsciously repeating the same desperate actions from that first day, the same mistake. You got yourself trapped again. No exit. A sob breaks out your lips and you press a hand to your mouth, swallowing your cries. Â
You canât let them hear you. Please.Â
But no one tries the lock. Thereâs no mechanical click this time. No intrusion. Just footsteps, soft and retreating, fading down the hall.Â
And youâre left there, shaking, surrounded by the same unanswered questions, only now theyâre louder, sharper, closing in. Â
You wait.Â
And wait.Â
Until you are sure theyâre gone, and then a bit more. You rise on shaky legs, slowly, not a sound coming out of you, and inch toward the roomâs door. You carefully rest your ear against it. Nothing. You turn the knob and open it, just enough to peek out. Empty.Â
You donât waste another second. You throw on some clothes, whateverâs closest but wonât make you stand out like the pajamas youâre wearing. You shove what little cash youâve managed to hoard in these months into your pocket and pull on your shoes without tying them properly. The laces flap uselessly as you move.Â
Youâre leaving. No plan. No backup. Just the one raw instinct echoing in your head: get out.Â
You open the roomâs door cautiously again, eyes sweeping the hallway. The corridor is clear. You step out and walk fast ânot quite running, but close. Heart pounding against your ribcage as you reach the elevator. You press the button with a trembling hand and glance over your shoulder, paranoid, waiting for someone to turn the corner and stop you.Â
The elevator dings.Â
The doors slide open.Â
Charles.Â
He looks just as startled as you. âOh. Helloâ he greets, but thereâs a pause in his voice. A hesitation.Â
âHiâ you mutter, short and flat. Make a split-second decision to continue with your way, thereâs no use in turning around and looking for the stairs, heâs already seen you.Â
You donât meet his eyes. Just step in and press the button for the lobby with a shaking hand. You turn your back to him like a barrier, as if sheer willpower could end the conversation. You keep your eyes on the metal doors. On the glowing screen above them. Anything but him.Â
Is Charles part of this? Did they âwhoever brought you here in the first placeâ send him? Does he already know your plan to escape? Â
The numbers tick downward. 3⊠2âŠÂ
âAre you okay?â the man's voice breaks the silence, âYou look... kind of pale.âÂ
You donât answer. You donât blink.Â
1... Â
The second the elevator reaches the lobby, you hear it: the voices of Carlosâs parents chatting away. The doors open, unyielding and you see them, standing just a few steps away from the elevators, by reception.Â
Your breath catches in your throat, panic flares like a match, âFuck, fuck, fuckâÂ
You act on reflex, throwing yourself back into the elevator, trying to hide from their view. Quick. But in your frantic motion, you crash into Charles, pushing him backward.Â
âHey!â he complains, stumbling back a step âWhat are you doing?âÂ
You donât answer. Your pulse is roaring now, a frantic rhythm in your skull. They canât see you. And you hammer the âclose doorâ button, over and over. Â
Charles stares at you, confused, as your mind scrambles, flailing for an excuse, any excuse, and the words come out before you can even think twice about them: âLet's go to your room!âÂ
âWhat?â His voice cracks. His green eyes widen, startled.Â
âYeah,â you say, forcing a grin that feels foreign on your face. âLetâs just... have breakfast there. Did you eat already? You didnât, right? Letâs get room service. Talk there. Come on, it'll be fun!âÂ
Youâre cringing inside, every word like nails on glass, brittle and wrong. But you canât turn back. You canât go back to your room, not with your parents lurking in the hallway, not with the risk of Carlos appearing at any moment. If Charles is here as well as Carlosâ parents, he canât be far.Â
Charles doesnât look entirely convinced, but after a beat, he nods and reaches behind you to press the button for his floor. Neither of you speak during the ride up. You stand beside him, arms folded, breathing shallow, your thoughts racing. He doesnât pry anymore, maybe because he bought your poorly stitched-together excuse, or maybe because he already suspects what youâre trying to do.Â
His room is at the end of the hallway. A swipe of the keycard, a soft beep, and the quiet click of the door unlocking. The driver leads you in.Â
Inside, everything is as expected. The bed is perfectly made, the luggage zipped shut and tucked neatly in the corner, a small row of watch boxes lined up with deliberate care on the TV stand. Itâs tidy in a way that mirrors his apartment in Monaco, in a way that feels distinctly Charles.Â
You stand near the edge of the bed, awkward and small, watching as Charles picks up the phone and dials room service. The man switches to a quick, casual Italian, rattling off a breakfast order. You hadnât given much input, barely managed to glance at the menu, but he still chose something he knows youâd like. A reminder of Monacoâs breakfasts, or the ridiculous amount of information theyâve got on you. Thankfully nothing about that extreme diet Daniel talked about seen to have ever stuck with the Monegasque.Â
You watch him closely, almost paranoid. You donât understand all the words, but enough to check for any hint that he might mention you. That might seem like heâs asking for security to come kidnap you and put you to sleep. Â
Just in case.Â
Your eyes wander over his figure, a hand nervously playing with your necklace and its warmth. Your gaze travels all the way from his now longer hair to that deep red Ferrari shirt with his number displayed in the back, to those loose jeans he insists on wearing. His lucky pants, you grin to yourself. He was probably on his way to the paddock when you hijacked his morning. Charles has always liked getting there early for the track walk, before the fans and journalists swarm the paddock and donât let him breathe in between photos. Especially here in Monza, where you now know Ferrari wonât waste a minute of his time.Â
You've thrusted yourself in the routine he so carefully keeps in race weekends, in such an important GP at that, and yet he hasnât said a single word about it. Even after so many things were left unsaid between you after he had laid his feeling for you so clearly over the table and you had not managed to say more than an âI had fun tooâ. Â
None of you had brought it up since, not before you got into your respective flights out of Mallorca, not in the days that followed and not in Spa. Though the distance had been there, unspoken, lingering just beneath the surface of every casual interaction.Â
Charles pulls you out of your thoughts âThey said itâll just be a few minutesâ, a small, almost hesitant smile, pulling at his lips.Â
You nod but donât say anything. Â
The driver shrugs his shoulders. He then lights up like he remembered something and crosses the room toward his suitcase. Unzipping it, digging through a stack of folded clothes. You follow every movement like he might suddenly pull out something dangerous. Your nerves havenât settled, still wired from the adrenaline. You donât even realize youâre holding your breath until he pulls something out and stands. And itâs not deadly, but ridiculous.Â
Charles looks up, offering a small smile as he walks over and gently places it in your hands âYou left them at my apartment.âÂ
Your socks. Bright, mismatched stripes, difficult to mistake. You stare at them like heâs holding a bomb.Â
Your lips part âIâve been looking everywhere for these.âÂ
âYeah, I know.â he chuckles softly âYou were obsessed! Wore them all the time even though it was, like, thirty degrees.âÂ
âOh, shut up. You wouldnât let me lower the AC, I was freezing!âÂ
Charles laughs again âa real, easy laughâ, like nothing happened. Like youâre back in his apartment, visiting his hometown and having the time of your life in a vacation he had so eagerly planned.Â
Your thoughts slip out of your lips, sudden and quiet âIâm sorry, CharlesâÂ
The driverâs laughter fades, his brows twitching in confusion âWhat? For what?âÂ
Yet, you can almost see the moment it clicks. The way his eyes linger on yours just a second too long, the way his expression softens as everything unspoken between you hums softly in the space.Â
His shoulders soften and he looks away, running a hand through his wavy hair. âItâs okay... Iâm sorry too. That wasnât the time. You were already dealing with so much, with all the rumors, papparazzis, all of it. I shouldnât have-â he trails off, then exhales. âYeah, it just wasnât the moment.âÂ
You nod, and a silence follows. Not uncomfortable, but heavy.Â
âI had a great time in Mallorca,â you murmur, holding the socks close to you, like they hold those precious memories in them âAnd in Monaco, tooâÂ
âYou donât have to say that, it's alrightâ he shakes his head, trying to wave off the weight of your words like theyâre a kindness you donât owe him, that you donât have to fake to spare his feelings. Because such simple words hold something deeper, and you both know it.Â
But your hand moves without thinking, catching his wrist mid-gesture, like it might still his thoughts âNo, wait, Charles. I really mean it.â Â
You hold his gaze, steady this time. You feel like you owe as much.Â
âI was freaked out about being followed, not about⊠what people were saying about usâ you force the words out slowly, honestly. Because that has never really faced you, it's all in your head âIâll admit, I wasnât sure what I was getting into when you invited me over to Monaco. But once I was there⊠I loved it. I loved our time together. Walking around and pretending that we were normalâ you chuckle, because that word resounds way deeper withing you than he could have expected when he pronounced it in Mallorca âAnd just... being with you. I really did.âÂ
He doesnât speak right away, slowly relaxes instead, like a weight has been taken off his shoulders. Shifting a little closer, just a breath, now holding the hand that had stopped his thoughts. Â
It forces you to notice how close you really are, how much you narrowed the space between you when you caught his wrist, how little space there is.Â
Your heart is pounding, a desperate, frantic rhythm thudding against your ribs like itâs trying to warn you. You canât be here, what are you doing? Youâve let it happen again, let the curtain drop just enough for the fantasy to wrap around you. You donât know what this reality even is, whether anything Charles is feeling is truly yours. Â
Well, you do know that: it isnât. Of course, he doesnât know you, not the real you.Â
And heâs also not real, you know that..., right?Â
But then your gaze lock with his, those warm, sunlit eyes youâve lost yourself into more times than youâd ever admit. The noise in your head begins to dull, trapped behind a cotton-like wall that turns the thoughts into a cacophony. A faint warmth that starts blooming at the base of your throat, spreading slowly, steadily, quieting the panic that had taken hold of your heart. The thuds against your grandmotherâs pendant slowing down. And somehow, Charlesâ presence begins to fill the space that fear leaves behind with a sense of safety, steadiness.Â
And then he leans in.Â
Itâs slow, hesitant, like heâs asking a question without speaking. Like heâs waiting to be told no. But your body moves without thinking. You meet him halfway, and his lips brush against yours, soft and uncertain. Then firmer. The warmth spreads through your chest, so real and consuming you could swear itâs lighting you from the inside out. Hanging in a suspended moment, where only Charles and you exist.Â
His hand finds your waist like it remembers the shape of you, the other brushing at your neck, gentle, careful, like youâre something heâs afraid to lose. And you let yourself fall, let the thoughts fly. Vanished beneath the way Charles touch feels on your skin.Â
When you finally pull apart, youâre breathless, dazed, your forehead resting against his. A smile flickers at the corners of his mouth, those precious dimples at each side of it deepening. Â
âI really like you,â Charles confesses softly, like heâs been holding the words in for too long.Â
You want to say it back, but the feelings are too big, too much. Youâre caught in it, breathless, like your heartâs moving faster than your words ever could.Â
âIâm sorry for dumping it all on youâ Charles breathes, not worried about your lack of words because he can read your worries better than you ever could. Or maybe, itâs all in your head. âI know how overwhelmed you were after the kiss in Australia, I should have waited for you to be ready.âÂ
The words hit you like a blow to the stomach, stealing your breath. Australia?Â
You lift your eyes to his, searching them. Hoping, desperately, that maybe he misspoke. That maybe it was just a slip. A wrong word. A different memory. But the way he looks at you, like he remembers that kiss just as vividly as this one, tells you he means it. Â
And it guts you.Â
Australia. Youâve never even been there. Not with him. Not ever.Â
Did a race happen there before you woke up in this place? Was there trip you never took? You don't know, and, to be honest, it doesnât matter, because the reminder is sharp and unforgiving.Â
This isnât real.Â
Charles isnât real.Â
You fold into him, pressing your face to his chest like itâll stop the shaking. Again, you let yourself be fooled again. Tears fall quietly, almost gently this time, like youâre past the point of resisting them. He holds you tighter, not knowing âof course, not knowingâ whatâs really breaking you open inside.Â
âI know itâs a lot,â the Monegasque murmurs, rubbing slow circles on your back. âI know you said it wasnât the right time⊠with both of us in F1, and the press, and competing... but I donât care anymore. I told you, I love being with you. I love youâÂ
You flinch at his words, another hit. The words that you wish were yours, feelings that were yours. But they never were. Not a chance.Â
âI know we said weâd talk it out during summer break,â Charles continues, hoping to calm you, to reason with you âbut the timing was never right. And I tried to give you space in Monaco, I really did, but then Mallorca happened, and it all got so complicated. You were so upset about the paparazzis, the comments online and-â he hesitates, just briefly, âand there was also Carlos...âÂ
Oh, Carlos.Â
You gasp like youâve been stabbed. The sob that follows piercing right through you. Charles hugs you tighter, like he can hold of the pieces of you together, fix it. And you canât help but to fall limp into it. Â
He doesnât even now about yours and Carlosâ kiss, about how you got yet again fooled by this illusion. You want to laugh, seriously, you want to-Â
âItâs okay, really, whatever you chooseâ the man whispers, trying to soothe something he canât even begin understanding. âNone of that matters right now. I just want you to be okay, for us to be okay. I donât want it to be weird between us. I know how much this race means to you, everyone in Ferrari is going to be so impressed by you... Even if your Italian is a bit rusty right nowâ Charles smiles, you can hear it in his voice. But why would you even care about those people in Ferrari, in or outside this reality? âYouâve worked so hard to get to this level in your career and how much itâs taken. So, honestly, I just want you... to be happy.âÂ
But thatâs it, that is exactly it. This career. This sport. This identity. The years of history you were never a part of, between you and Charles, between this whole world and you. For fuckâs sake, youâve never even liked this fucking sport. And yet youâve spent days twisting yourself into knots trying to make sense of it. Trying to keep up. Trying to understand this people, to understand them and those versions of you they remember so clearly, with love in their eyes and shared memories on their lips.Â
And the worst part is: these men have made it so easy to believe. That you belonged. That you fit. In the sport, in the team, in this life, in their arms,...Â
But you donât.Â
You take a step back from his embrace, the weight of everything crashing around you. Thankfully Charles puts no resistance, but he can barely conceal his sadness.Â
âIâm sorryâ you whisper looking down. Itâs all you can give him. Again.Â
And you run. Â
You donât wait for a response. You donât want to see the look on his face when he realizes youâre breaking apart. Â
You just run.Â
The hallway rushes up to meet you like a tunnel collapsing. Through the corridor, past the elevator, down the stairs. The walls blur at the edges of your vision. Your legs burn. Youâre not even sure where youâre going, just that it has to be far. Far from all of this.Â
You push through the hall, through the people, through the looks. You hear voices calling you, filled with worry and closing in, but it only renews your resolve.Â
âItâs not real, youâre not fucking real!â you scream at the top of your lungs, running like your life depends on it. Because it does.Â
The necklace sears against your chest, red-hot, pulsing like itâs alive. Not warmth now, molten and wild, like itâs trying to brand you from the inside out. Your heart pounds in your ears. Your breath tears out in ragged gasps. Something is wrong. So wrong.Â
When there are only a couple steps to the huge glass door that leads to the outside, your stride breaks. Your foot doesnât hit the floor in the next step, it keeps going. Down, through the ground like itâs made of smoke. A gasp rips from your throat. You lurch forward, throwing your arms out to catch yourself, but thereâs nothing to catch. Only-Â
A flash.Â
Then another.Â
A distant sound reaches your ears. Low at first, then growing. A deep mechanical whine, vibrating through your ribs, rising in pitch like a wire tightening in your skull. The pressure builds. Your ears ring. Your lungs seize.Â
Suddenly, you feel something clamp around your head, tight and inescapable. Your neck strains. Your arms wonât move, thrown fordward and still trying to catch your fall. Your back is locked, chest strapped down like you're being crushed into place. Panic wells inside you like a tidal wave.Â
Your eyes snap open.Â
You're moving. Fast.Â
Speed pulses all around you. The sound from before isnât abstract anymore, itâs the engine, your whole body hums with its vibration. Your vision is narrow, tunnel-like, everything outside the cockpit a blur of asphalt, paint, and barriers.Â
You're in a car. A Formula One.Â
You see the track through the halo, a turn, then another. Your hands locked on the wheel. You can feel the stiff resistance of it, the feedback of the tires through the chassis, the g-force pressing your body into the seat. So foreign and familiar at the same time. Youâve never been conscious here, never experienced anything past the garage door. Â
Whatâs happening? How did you get here?Â
And you scream, loud and horrified, tears catching in the padding of the helmet. But itâs all lost beneath the roar of the engine, the wind, the world unraveling around you.Â
Your vision narrows. Your heart pounds.Â
You try to think. You try to fight it, whatever it is. You push both mentally and physically against your own muscles, anything to get out. Your body straining against invisible walls.Â
And suddenly, something gives. A door that unlocks.Â
You jerk the wheel violently to the side. The car lunges left, off the racing line. Youâre headed for the gravel. The tires scream. The world tilts. You brace.Â
And you feel every single pebble of the runoff, their impacts against your helmet and hands, every violent bounce as the car leaves the track. Then the slow vision of the barrier rushing toward you, yellow and red, and unrelenting.Â
Impact.Â
Next
Author's note: As promised, here's another chapter! Things are starting to get a bit more mysterious, how are you all feeling about it? I'd love to hear your theories hahaha. Thanks so much for reading! Interactions are greatly appreciated. Also, if you want to be added to the taglist, just send me a message đ
Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and canât seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a couple therapy sessions wouldâve done the trick.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver. You've never been a fan but isn't it like one of the most exclusive sports?
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x reader
Chapter: Previous | Next | Masterlist
Word Count: 3,7k
Also on AO3
There are not that many photos of Carlos on the phone.Â
Most of the ones that do exist are from race weekends. Group shots in full gear with the other drivers, a few selfies at media events or driver briefings, and the occasional candid in the garage. Itâs not unusual. You could easily count the twenty drivers of the grid just by flicking through your gallery. Even Mick shows up in a couple, despite barely having exchanged more than a few words with you since all of this⊠began.Â
Of just you and Carlos, thereâs only one. Â
The photo is recent. Dated a few months before you ever found this second phone. Itâs a candid shot. Carlos is in his black fireproofs, leaning back in a chair, mouth open mid-laugh. His eyes arenât on the camera. Theyâre on you, whoâs sitting to his left, hunched forward, gaze fixed on a half-open bag of cookies as you bite into the one already in your hand.Â
They are red velvet cookies, of course.Â
The exact kind Charles brought you your first day in the paddock. The same ones he and Carlos teased you about endlessly, swearing you nearly bit off their fingers when they reached for the last one. The same ones Carlos once promised to have the Ferrari chef bake in bulk if you forgave him and stopped ignoring him âeven though, at the time, you didnât have the faintest idea who he was.Â
One of the most important photos you could have found. Because it did happen. At least, for Carlos and Charles, it did. Itâs not an elaborate trick meant to manipulate you. They didnât fabricate the past. They remember it. And itâs such a meaningless story, not some amazing championship in categories you could not name plastered on the press for everyone to see. No, itâs just you loving some cookies in the privacy of the garage. The three of you, because you are so sure itâs Charles taking that damn photo.Â
It proves that this is genuine, that their relationship with you isnât some plot âat least, that itâs what you try to tell yourself. Thatâs why itâs so hard to look at the gallery. To look at any of it. Youâve taught yourself to scroll fast, eyes unfocused, breath held. Because every photo you pass shows the same thing: you, smiling, laughing, relaxed... Like you belong here. Like this life was always yours.Â
But no matter how much you want to believe that, itâs not. It never was.Â
Your life is back in Spain. In long commutes and unpaid internships. In microwave dinners eaten alone, and quiet Sundays spent missing your parents. Â
Not this. Not lavish hotels. Not Monaco sunsets. And certainly not weekends on the Formula 1 circuit, surrounded by drivers who already know your name, who remember a version of you that youâve never met.Â
Still, sometimes, just for a second, you let yourself believe. That this world is real. That these people, even if mistaken, genuinely care. That the absence of Carlos in your gallery doesnât mean heâs lying, just means that unlike Daniel and Charles who you seem to have met much earlier and plague the entire phone, you may have gotten closer to Spaniard later on. Â
And yet, when you have finally managed to convince yourself of their good intentions and to lower your guard, Carlos goes and opens his big mouth.Â
"You have no idea how long Iâve wanted to do that."Â
Heâd said it in Belgium, whispered it low, just for you the night of his win, like it had been on the tip of his tongue for years. The kiss may have left you dizzy, but his words? They stayed.Â
Because yes, you can believe itâs an exaggeration, that it is a fixed expression and that Carlos could without doubt achieve that level of closeness with you in the time passed between that photo and the moment you woke up. But that would at least guarantee some sort of evidence to back that affection. Messages deeper than casual teasing. A couple more photos after. Anything that screamed Iâve been in love with you for years, for fuckâs sake. Â
And even if âyouâre grasping at straws at this pointâ, Carlos just preferred flirting with you in person and completely despised talking on the phone, how come thereâs not even a whisper in the press about you two being a thing? Because judging by how little the driver cares about who sees his displays of affection, not about the cameras recording, not about the fans chanting his name and certainly not about Charles standing right there, how isnât there a hundred rumors and articles about you? Not until you gained conscience.Â
It is, at the very least, suspicious.Â
Thatâs why, when Carlos suddenly bursts into your driverâs room and pulls you into a breathtaking kiss, so desperate and full of all the nights and days heâs been aching to see you, your body instantly stiffens.Â
Carlos pulls back slowly, that familiar lazy smile spreading across his face, the one that always made your stomach twist even before you knew why âIâve missed you so much,â he murmurs.Â
And God, you want to say it back. You really do.Â
Never had a single week between races dragged on like this one. Carlos had been completely consumed by Ferrariâs schedule: events, media, sponsorship obligations in the lead-up to Monza. No matter how many times you tried to meet up, something always got in the way. And with every missed moment, the doubts crept in deeper.Â
âI thought you had meetingsâ you say cautiously, head tilting back slightly to meet his gaze.Â
Carlos just shrugs, unfazed. âI cancelled themâÂ
âYou⊠cancelled Ferrari meetings?â you repeat, narrowing your eyes.Â
âYes, of course. I couldnât wait to see youâ he nods without hesitation, before leaning in to press a quick kiss to your lips. Though he is quick to catch the look of disbelief of your face and lets out a soft laugh âDonât look at me like that! Canât I be romantic?âÂ
You shake your head slowly, though a reluctant smile pulls at the corner of your mouth âYeah, sure. Now what happened?âÂ
Carlos grins, a little sheepish. âOkay, fine. They gave us some free time before practice. But just a bitâ Â
You squint at him âWhat do you mean a bit? Practice doesnât start for another two hours.âÂ
âNot nearly enoughâ he reaffirms, tightening his hold on you. His gaze dips to your lips, slow and deliberate, and you feel the heat rise to your cheeks. Your mouth opens, then closes, words failing you before they even form. Carlos chuckles lowly âYou think too much...âÂ
âAnd you donât think enough, thatâs clear!â you spurt back, smacking his chest and looking away from him. Canât afford letting him see how flustered he got you with just a couple words. Itâll get to his head more than it already has âI have a recording right now, anyway. Nick is coming to get me in-âÂ
âDonât worry,â Carlos interrupts, waving the concern off as he threads his fingers with yours âI already told him Iâve got something for you.âÂ
You eye him warily, âWhat something?âÂ
Carlos doesnât answer. Instead tugs your hand and starts walking out into the garage and then across the paddock. You drag your feet, half-resistant, half-curious. Heâs buzzing with something, a kind of restrained excitement, and it raises a hundred warning signs in your mind. This canât be good. Still, you follow him reluctantly, gaze flicking around nervously, until the two of you reach the Ferrari motorhome.Â
You slow. Then stop.Â
Just past the glass doors, beside the team restaurant, stand two figures so familiar your brain short-circuits at the sight of them. Two people you have missed dearly since you entered this reality. Your parents.Â
You donât move. Canât move. For one disorienting moment, your entire world narrows to that one image. They are standing right there, alive, present, real. Â
Your mother is the first to spot you. She doesnât hesitate. She gasps, and then sheâs running, and you meet her halfway, colliding like two magnets that had been forced apart for far too long. A sob breaks loose from your chest the moment you hit her arms. You bury your face in her shoulder, clinging with everything you have, the strength of your grip saying everything your words canât. You shake in her hold as she cradles you tightly, rocking you like she used to when you were small, and you fall apart in it.Â
Your father reaches you a heartbeat later, his arms wrapping around both of you in a hold that is steady and grounding and impossibly warm. Youâre engulfed.Â
The emotion overwhelms you, pouring out from every corner youâve spent weeks sealing shut. You gasp for air, hands gripping their clothes like they might vanish, as tears stream down your cheeks and stain your mother clothes.Â
Your mother pulls back just enough to cup your cheeks, brushing away your tears with both hands, smiling through her own. You grab her wrists instinctively, needing to keep her close, to anchor you. Your father smooths a hand through your hair, gentle, steady. Â
âVenga, respira, respira (Come on, breathe, breathe)â he whispers, like he used to when you cried over scraped knees and broken toys.
The sound of his voice breaks something open inside you. You sob harder, breath stuttering as your chest caves with relief and grief all at once. Your mother presses a kiss to your forehead, chuckling softly through her own tears. And for a second, just a second, the world feels like itâs finally clicking back into place.Â
But then your mother turns.Â
âSorry,â she apologizes, breathless from the emotion as she dabs her tears away, and jokes âSomething got in my eyeâÂ
It takes you a second to realize sheâs not talking to you.Â
Your gaze lifts, follows the tilt of her head to... Carlosâ parents, standing just a few meters away. You hadnât even noticed them. They laugh softly, stepping in without hesitation, as though the moment belongs to them too. As though this is all perfectly natural.Â
Something cracks.Â
They donât know him. Or them. They donât know anything. Â
Your stomach twists violently, and, in a second, the illusion that had so briefly warmed your heart, begins to splinter. These arenât your parents. You knew that, of course you did. But seeing them here, in person, hearing their voices, feeling their arms around you, it had made you forget about it. Just for a second. You wanted to forget. Â
You missed them so much. Â
And now⊠now theyâre laughing. Chatting easily with Carlosâs parents, smiling like old friends at a family reunion. Like theyâve always belonged here. In this world.Â
Carlosâs parents turn to greet you, warm smiles and gentle voices. His mother mentions the treats theyâd sent weeks back. "We brought a whole suitcase just for youâ your father adds with a laugh, nudging you lightly.Â
Crack.Â
You nod. Smile. Say thank you. But you canât breathe.Â
Canât even look at them. Because the longer you stand there, the more wrong it all feels. Their gestures, their expressions... everything is almost right. Almost perfect. But not quite. Your motherâs smile is too easy. Your fatherâs laugh doesnât ring the same way. They are strangers wearing the faces of people you love.Â
And the ache in your chest, the one youâve been carrying since Monaco, swells until it consumes you. You hadnât even managed to get through another phone call after that first day. That first devastating realization that they remembered a life youâd never lived. A life that never existed.Â
âCongrats on the win last week, Carlos!â your father reminds, his voice light and genuinely happy about the Spaniard's achievement âLetâs hope for another one this weekendâÂ
Crack.Â
Carlos smiles, modest as ever âWeâve made a few changes to the setup and brought some upgrades, so weâll see how it goesâÂ
âMaybe we can have a shared podium this week, hmm?â your mother chimes in with a grin, slipping an arm around your shoulders. âItâs your lucky track, after all! Got your Formula 2 championship right here. Remember those videos of dad jumping all over the garage?âÂ
And that simple phrase, an encouragement that you would have been thankful for in any other situation, is what shatters you.Â
Because, no, this isnât your lucky track. No, you donât remember no video. And no, you donât want a shared podium. Because youâve never raced in Formula 2, 1 or whatever fucking category they want to come up with. Hell, you donât even like driving. And you canât get in your head how this person who looks exactly like your mother, can stand here and hug you while she talks about some cherished memory that never happened. Thatâs enough.Â
You donât even know how you manage to smile through it. How you nod and offer some hollow platitude about hoping for the same. But somehow, you do. Just enough to look normal. Just enough to murmur something vague about a last-minute meeting and walk away before anyone can stop you.Â
From Carlos. From his parents. From your parent, well, those people. From all of it.Â
You walk fast. Purposeful. Like if you donât put distance between yourself and that room right now, youâll fall apart right there in front of everyone. Your feel your grandmotherâs necklace pressing into your chest, the metal warm against your skin, burning with the strength you lack. Pushing you forward like a lifeline. The only piece of reality you have.Â
What are they? Why are they keeping you here? What even is here?Â
Youâre breathing too fast. Or not at all. Your thoughts are spiraling, stacking on top of each other with no end in sight. You feel like youâre sinking into a place you were never meant to be, like the world is made of sand and youâre slipping straight through it.Â
And thatâs when the thought crystallizes. Clear and cold.Â
You have to leave.Â
You donât know how. You donât know where to go. But staying is no longer an option. This isnât your life, and the longer you pretend it is, the more reality slips through your fingers.Â
So you move.Â
You push past the mechanics, past a journalist calling out your name, past a fan waving a flag and screaming like they know you. The paddock is still relatively quiet, youâll take the parking exit, and youâll walk through the highway if you have to. Head down, tunnel vision on survival.Â
And then- crash. You round a corner too fast and slam straight into someone.Â
âWhoa!â the voice is surprised, concerned. Familiar âHey. You alright?âÂ
You blink, disoriented, and look up.Â
Lewis.Â
âOh, hi!â he steadies you with a hand at your elbow, smile wide as he lets go of his coach and a Mercedes engineer mid-conversation. The driver is still in his street clothes, some nice sunglasses and a sleeveless blue two-piece set with long trousers, braids in a bun âPerfect timing. I was just talking about youâÂ
He trails off, his expression faltering as he studies your face, âWait... why are you crying?âÂ
âIâm notâ you say automatically, stepping sideways, trying to slip past him and keep going.Â
Lewis tilts his head, calm. He doesnât really block you, only keeping his hand on your arm. But he watches you closely. âBut you are.âÂ
âIâm notâ you insist, but thinner now, looking behind him to the entrance of the paddock and then to him. You are so close. Just a few more steps. Your necklace is burning.Â
The driver says nothing, doesnât rush you. Just keeps looking at you, not with suspicion, just as a calm and steady presence. Waiting for you to decide what you want to share or not. Because Lewis has never pushed you to pretend you are someone you arenât. Never talked like he already knew you. He let you be you. And now he is seeing the whole facade cracking.Â
And maybe thatâs what does it.Â
The tears come fast, furiously streaming down your cheeks as your chest heaves with a gasp. You cover your face, try to pull yourself together, but itâs like a dam has burst inside you. Weeks of holding it in, of pretending, of smiling through things that didnât make sense. It all crashes down at once.Â
Lewis glances around instinctively. You can see the shift in his posture, the way he scans for cameras, phones, anything that might turn your breakdown into a headline. And then, without a word, he steps in, slips an arm gently around your back and starts guiding you towards the nearest entrance, right into the Mercedes garage.Â
You donât resist. You canât.Â
The man keeps you close, moving quickly but discreetly, waving off a staff member who tries to ask something. He leads you through a quieter corridor and into a smaller room, his driverâs room. The door shuts behind you with a soft click.Â
Silence.Â
You're shaking. Shoulders hunched, breath coming too fast, too shallow. Your fingers curl into your palms, nails carving painful crescents into skin. But itâs not enough to distract you from the burn seeping from inside out.Â
âI canât do this, Lewisâ you whisper, barely more than a breath.Â
He doesnât respond right away. Instead crosses the room, grabs a cold bottle of water, and places it into your hands. Maybe itâs to calm you down or to stop you from clawing at yourself, sadly it doesnât achieve none of them.Â
âItâs too muchâ you choke out, your voice cracking âThese people... they keep talking like theyâve known me for years, you know? Always saying I did this thing or the other. No, I fucking didnât! I donât even know them, theyâre not... well, not them!âÂ
Your hands tighten around the water bottle, plastic creaking under your grip. Tears streaming down your cheeks again.Â
âWhat am I supposed to do?â you cry out, voice rising. âHow do I fix this? I thought it would pass, I really did. I thought if I just... waited it out, played along, it would snap back. But itâs been weeks. I donât even know how the timeâs gone by so fastâŠâÂ
Lewis watches you carefully, never once looking away, though his expression is unreadable. Then, slowly, he gives the faintest nod, like something just clicked. He walks over and sinks onto the couch beside you.Â
âHey, listen, I get it. I really do. This whole circus⊠itâs a lotâ he begins gently, slowly, like you are some lost puppy that might run any second âOne day they throw you into this massive thing, and suddenly everyone acts like they know everything about you.âÂ
You blink at him. Is he...? Does he know something?Â
âBut trust me, youâre exceeding expectations, dearâ Lewis categorically affirms, brows furrowed like he canât quite believe you would doubt yourself âDidnât you hit a full season a couple of races ago? Youâre still a rookie. And yet look at you, half the grid hasnât achieved what you already haveâÂ
And just like that, your heart plummets again. Â
You shake your head, fresh tears slipping down you cheeks âNo, thatâs not...âÂ
âYou donât have the best car,â he cuts in, oblivious âThatâs the truth. Itâs breaking down every other weekend, and thereâs only so much a driver can do. But still, P10 in Austria? That was incredible.âÂ
You close your eyes.Â
âI mean it,â Lewis says, putting a hand over yours where they rest gripping the bottle âYou should be proud. Iâm proud of you. And yeah, thereâll be tough days, but look, weâre all in the same boat, okay? Youâre not alone in this. And Iâm always here, if you ever need to talk. You just say the word.âÂ
But it doesnât land the way he wants it to. Â
Not when he brings up the Austrian Grand Prix, where it all started. It feels like a knife twisting through you. And the fact that Lewis mentions it like such a crowning moment, hurts so deeply. No, Lewis doesnât know more than the rest, he would have not said that if he did. He is not like that.Â
But again, what do you know about him?Â
âNo,â you cut in, waving off his theory and letting go of the water bottle. Fed up âNo, Lewis, you donât understand. Itâs not racing, Iâm not burning out. Thereâs nothing to burn out in the first place!âÂ
âI know,â Lewis says quickly, nodding, trying to soothe you âItâs all of it. Traveling, the media, the team... Believe me, Iâve gone through it, all of us have.âÂ
âNo, you havenât, Lewis! None of you have!â you snap, louder than you meant to, your voice breaking as panic wells up in your chest âBecause itâs not real. None of this is. Youâre not real!â Â
The words tear out of you, desperate and shaking. Your hand flies to the only anchor to reality you have left: the pendant resting against your chest. You grab it, clutch it like a lifeline, fingers locking tight around the metal.Â
It blazes.Â
A shock of heat pulses into your skin like an electric current. You jolt, breath catching in your throat, fingers tightening.
Lewis eyes widen, alarmed âWhat? Are you okay?â He moves toward you, but still he doesnât respond to what you just said. Doesnât flinch at being called unreal. Doesnât deny it, doesnât question it.Â
But you donât let go. You canât. Not of the necklace, and not of this moment. The first, maybe only chance youâve had to say it all, to finally break through the lie.Â
âNo. You need to listen,â you gasp, your vision blurring at the edges âThis... this isnât real. Iâm not a driver. I never was. Iâm not the person you think I am, youâre not- This whole world isnât-âÂ
The words start to disintegrate in your tongue, letter by letter floating off into nothingness. The heat rises, climbing your throat and spreading through your chest like fire racing through dry leaves. Every heartbeat pounds against the pendant hanging from your neck, metal scorching your skin. You double over, breath ragged.Â
Lewis moves fast, dropping to his knees in front of you âHey, hey! Look at me,â he says firmly, trying to ground you, voice low and urgent. âYouâre okay. Just breathe. Iâll get someone-âÂ
But you canât.Â
The pain spikes, sharp, blinding, like the world itself is tearing open inside your chest. And then...,
Nothing.Â
Everything collapses.Â
Author's note: It's been way too long again hahahhahaha Thanks for everyone that's still here, putting up with me and my slow writing. Hope you liked it, I'll probably post the next chapter next week so this time you won't have to wait for long. As always, any kind of interaction is greatly apreciatted, thanks a lot for reading!
hi there!! is the if i lose my mind series still ongoing?đ€đŒ
Hey love! Yes, it's still ongoing, I just took a really long break hahahhaha But now I'm back! I already have a chapter prepared for this weekend and next, they just need to be proofread.
I read first losers and first winners and loved it!!!! the journey was so satisfying and although it feels very much like a rounded story because you are an amazing writer, would you ever consider doing a check in with them?? there's so much to the story you could expand on and i'd love to read a million more parts of them!
sending you much love <3 thanks for your wonderful writing x
Thank you so much!!! đđ That's so nice of you, I'm really happy you enjoyed them đ„ș Honestly, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't already writing bits for a third part. I left a lot of things out and I keep going back to them. So yeah, there will probably be one more part of Chasing First. It'll take some time though, I'm such a slow writer and on top of that I'm busy af right now .
But anyway, thanks a lot for sending this message and for appreciating the fics! Hope you can wait for a bit. Much love đđ
Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and canât seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a couple problem-solving courses wouldâve done the trick.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver. You've never been a fan but isn't it like, one of the most exclusive sports?
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x reader
Chapter: Previous | Next
Word Count: 5,4k
Also on AO3
The sun bears down with an almost tangible weight, each ray a fiery tendril pressing against your skin. What began as a blissful oasisâa magnificent sunbed that cradled you in its warm embrace after your swim in the icy water, rocking you to the rhythm of the lapping wavesâhas betrayed you. The once-soft fabric and plush cushions have gradually transformed into a stifling grill beneath your back. Sweat beads at your temples, and the tingling heat along your shoulders hints at a sunburn brewing just beneath the surfaceÂ
With a sigh, you sit up, the teak deck creaking softly beneath you. The Mediterranean stretches endlessly in every direction, a tranquil expanse of sapphire shimmering under the sunâs golden touch. You slip into your sandals, the straps warm against your skin, and head toward the shaded back deck. If you're honest, when Carlos first mentioned his latest "shiny acquisition," youâd pictured a sleek little boat, perfect for a casual day on the water. Nothing could have prepared you for the sprawling luxury of the yacht anchored at the port outside his beach house this morning.Â
Just another reminder that you and Carlos aren't âweren't?â exactly in the same tax bracket.Â
The shaded area greets you with a rush of cooler air and the sight of Carlos lounging on a plush sofa, still in his swim trunks. His tanned skin glistens with the remnants of saltwater from your earlier swim, his eyes glued to his phone, a half-played chess game abandoned beside him.Â
You shake your head, smirking. He and Charles had been bickering all morning over chess strategies like two old men in a park. Theyâd finally decided to settle it with one last match, and youâd used the chance to escape and catch some sun. Clearly, theyâd taken their sweet time.Â
Carlos notices your footsteps before you even reach him. His face lights up with that familiar grin, and as you approach, he puts his phone down and extends a hand toward you. His fingers slip around yours effortlessly, his thumb grazing your knuckles in a warm, unhurried motion. Itâs oddly comforting, a habit of his thatâs grown on you.Â
âDid you lose?â you ask, arching a brow at the abandoned game.Â
âNever,â he replies, the arrogance in his tone undercut by the grin tugging at his lips.Â
âWhereâs Charles?âÂ
âTalking on the phone. His mummy called,â Carlos quips, his tone teasing.Â
You roll your eyes, leaning in to flick his forehead with your intertwined hands. âDonât act like you werenât calling your mum this morning all like, âMami, que nos vamos con el barco, (Mummy, weâre taking the boat)ââ you mimic, your voice climbing to a falsetto.Â
Carlos laughs, the sound rich and unrestrained, though he tries to protest, âI donât talk like that!âÂ
âQue sĂ, mamĂĄ, que tenemos cuidado (Yes mom, weâll be careful)â you continue, doubling down on your impersonation, complete with dramatic hand gestures. âYa me he puesto crema, ÂĄno traigas mĂĄs mamĂĄ! (Iâve alredy put oon sunscreen, donât bring more!)âÂ
His jaw drops at your performance, mock outrage lighting up his expression. âStop making fun of me!â he exclaims, though his laughter betrays him. His free hand darts out to tickle your side, a sudden and ruthless retaliation.Â
âHey, stop it!â you yelp, struggling to squirm away, but Carlos is far stronger. His previous grip on your hand prevents any real escape, and with his other hand, he mercilessly tickles you until your resistance falters. You trip in your attempt to escape, tumbling onto him.Â
âÂĄQue me tiras! (Youâre going to make me fall!)â you gasp, half-laughing, half-protesting as you land awkwardly against him.Â
âThatâs the plan,â he says smugly, locking his arms around you in a triumphant hugÂ
âCarlos, Iâm all sticky with suncream and sweating!âÂ
âI donât care!â he replies, his voice sing-song as he pulls you closer.Â
Despite yourself, you canât help but laugh, the absurdity of the situation deflating your protests. The driverâs hold on you is inescapable, his strength far outmatching yours. His next words come as a triumphant whisper against your ear âPor lo menos he conseguido oĂrte hablar en español (At least I got you to talk in Spanish)âÂ
âHuh?â You pull back slightly, blinking at him. He has a point âyou donât think youâve ever had a proper conversation with him in Spanish. Itâs not a conscious decision, you are always surrounded by non-Spanish speakers, and when he does approach you alone, he usually defaults to English. Â
Itâs oddly endearing how pleased he seems with himself though.Â
âSure, sure,â you reply, skeptical. You donât really know what he is talking about, when did you ask him to practice your English?Â
âĂ meglio in italiano?â he switches languages, his grin widening.Â
âWhat did you say?â you ask, narrowing your eyes at him.Â
âCâmon, Charles told me you wanted to practice your Italian before Monza. You can practice with me too.âÂ
Oh, Charles did mention something like that one of the first times you met him, even talked to you in Italian a couple times. You could never really follow the conversations, only understanding half of what he said because of your Spanish, so he didnât push any further.Â
âI donât know Italian,â you deflect, shaking your head.Â
âTwo years in the Ferrari academy, and you didnât pick up anything?â Carlos teases, his disbelief evident in his tone. His grin is wide, mischievous, and altogether too charming. You try to shrug it off, but his raised eyebrow signals heâs not letting you off the hook âThatâs where you met Charles, right?âÂ
You blink. New information. You really should speak Spanish with him more often if this is the kind of intel youâll get.Â
âI guess,â you say nonchalantly, feigning indifference. Inside, though, youâre already planning to search about it the moment you get back.Â
Carlos narrows his eyes, suspicious of your evasiveness. âI guess?â His voice rises in mock exasperation, and then, before you can brace yourself, his hands attack your sides again in a relentless tickling assault.Â
âOkay, okay, stop!â you gasp, laughter bubbling uncontrollably from your chest as you twist and squirm, your hands blindly grappling for his wrists. His grip falters just enough for you to catch one hand, then the other, but the struggle only lands you in an even more precarious position: half-seated on top of him. âFine! Yes, I knew him from there, before he was in Sauber. Happy now?âÂ
Guess playing those guess the driver based on their teams challenges from tiktok had to come in handy at some point. You got addicted at those.Â
Carlos leans back slightly, utterly unfazed, not putting resistance against your hold. âSee? That wasnât so hard,â he teases, his voice as warm and smooth as the sunlit waves lapping against the boat, cradling you from side to side.Â
One of his hands settles casually on your hip when you let go, the other remaining loosely trapped in your grip. Â
âWhatever,â you mutter, but your tone lacks conviction. You let out a soft huff of air, trying and failing to suppress the smallest of smiles when he throws you a wink, boyish and entirely too charming. Â
You still canât understand how he always manages to turn your interactions into moments like this â moments so tender and charged that they feel almost deliberate, yet completely unspoken. The way your eyes linger on each other, the way youâre so close, sometimes even holding one another. How easily youâve slipped into this dynamic with the Ferrari driver.Â
Why doesnât this closeness feel strange? Youâve known him for such a short time, and yet it feels natural, like youâve always been this way. The gentle way your fingers trace patterns along his, the soothing circles his hand draws on your side, a gesture so unconscious it sends a quiet shiver up your spine.Â
âItâs just Carlosâ you tell yourself, as if thatâs enough. Carlos, with his disarming warmth, his easy-going nature and unguarded affection. He seems so comfortable with this closeness, so unafraid to seek it out with you â itâs simply who he is. With you. Â
And somehow, without a second thought, you let yourself sink into it. Â
âWhat are you thinking?â he murmurs, his voice soft enough to blend with the gentle crash of waves. His gaze is unwavering, those warm brown eyes studying your face with an intensity that makes your breath hitch.Â
The wind tousles his hair, leaving it a mess of dark strands framing his face. His bracelet catches the light as your fingers toy absently with the cord, the handmade piece adorned with his initials and the tiny Ferrari badge drawn on little white cubes. Itâs a fan gift, of all things, but its presence now, between your hands, feels...Â
A pang shoots through your chest, the ache of it almost too much.Â
Itâs not... real. None of this is real.Â
âNothing, IâmâŠâ you smile, the tremble on your lips so easily noticeable and so difficult to hide. âItâs just..., you know, this, and Iâm...â you bite down on your tongue, physically restraining the words from escaping.Â
Forcing yourself to just shut up. Â
You take a breath in, trying to push down the thoughts that so easily started poisoning the moment. Your eyebrows draw together and you keep your eyes down, letting go of the cord of his bracelet like itâs burning.Â
Itâs fake. Everything.Â
Iâm scared, you want to say, Iâm so fucking scared of this âof all of it. Thirty-six days of living this surreal, impossible life, of being thrust into a world of fast cars, flashing cameras, and unimaginable luxury. Of private boats and breathtaking views, of thinking how nice you fit into the arms of this amazing man. And the quiet horror of realizing how easily you could lose yourself in it. Â
âCarlos,â you begin, the words spilling out before you can stop them. But what are you supposed to say? That this isnât real? The boat, this life, him? You glance at his expectant face, the furrowed brows, the quiet weight in his gaze. Heâll think youâve lost it, that youâre going crazy under the weight of it all. âI donât know how to say this, but Iâm⊠youâreâ none of this isââ Â
The sudden creak of the driving cabin door cuts through your faltering confession, and your head jerks up to see Charles stepping out, his phone clutched in one hand. He doesnât notice you at first, his thumb furiously swiping at the screen. Â
He stops just short of the two of you, his gaze flicking up to you, then Carlos, and finally settling back on you. Something lingers in that glance, his green eyes catching the fading sunlight in a way that makes your stomach tighten.Â
âThink we should head back,â Charles mutters, his voice clipped, as though reluctant to interrupt. âSome weirdoâs been taking photos.âÂ
Guess Charles wasnât talking to his mum after all. Instead, it was someone from the Ferrari media team, calling to warn him about the photos of you that had been slowly making their way onto social media since this morning. They had just received a fresh batch of unseen ones just a couple minutes ago: a series of candid shots of the three of you, lounging on the boat, laughing, completely at ease, unaware of the long lenses pointed at you from the distance.Â
Both teams scramble to get the photos pulled, sending messages, making calls, trying to keep the damage contained. But it doesnât take long for them to see the light. And, as expected, the reactions are far from kind.Â
_______Â
âYou should stop looking at thatâ Charles advices, his voice even softer than usual as he sets the pile of plates and cutlery down onto the table on the back patio.Â
The faint scent of saltwater from the sea mixes with the cool evening air, and the setting sun casts a warm golden glow on everything around you. He moves with practiced ease, placing everything in its place.Â
You pull your legs from the chair and sit up, stretching as you glance back into the house. Phone left over the table, still displaying the article you found about your âescapadeâ. You hadnât realized how much time had passed. Inside, the lights are all on, and the shadows of indistinguishable figures move about the kitchen, the soft clatter of utensils filtering through the open window.Â
âAre they already making dinner? Sorry, you need help?âÂ
The Monegasque stops you with a swift gesture of his hand, starting to place everything on the table by himself. His hair is damp and unruly from his recent shower, the blue shirt he's wearing showing traces of the droplets that must have been falling just minutes ago. He looks so effortlessly nice.Â
âDonât worry, Carlosâ mom warned us not to bother youâÂ
âIs that so?â you chuckle softly, a hint of relief creeping in. But you donât stop yourself from reaching for the forks and knives, setting them in their places on the table âseven seats in total. Carlosâ sister and her husband are joining you tonight. "You shouldâve told me anyway..."Â
"I donât think sheâd let you help even if you wanted to. She even sent the cook home for the night" he calms you, finishing his task and resting his arms on the backrest of the seat opposite to you Â
âWhat is she making?âÂ
Charles hesitates, his gaze darting back to the kitchen before turning to you again. His mouth opens and closes with stray syllables that donât really make any dish you have ever heard before. âSome kind of fish, I think? Theyâve said the name a couple times but I didn't get itâ he shrugs lightly, but thereâs a gentle smile on his lips. "It smells good though. Thatâs all I can say"Â
âIt does smell niceâ you give him, a grin of your own pulling at your lips. You sit down again as ordered, taking your still light up phone from the table and turning off the screen.Â
She should respect herself is the last thing you manage to read on it, one of the nicest comment of the hundreds hanging on the comment section of the page. You sigh. The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks a few meters away filling in the silence that falls right after.Â
âTry not to worry about it too much, okay?â he almost whispers, his hand moves through his hair, shaking it out of place âI know itâs hard, but... some people are just assholes, no use in reading the shit they put out thereâÂ
A sigh slips from your lips as you lean your elbows over the glass table and glance away, the weight of your thoughts pressing on your chest. "A lot has come up about Monaco too..."Â
While you can hardly stomach the repulsive comments surrounding the supposed relationship between you Charles, or Carlos, or both of them? Some even asking themselves how your closeness with Lewis might fit into the mix. The constant invasion of privacy, the sense that youâre being watched every second of every day, has been weighting on you lately.Â
They know where you've been. Where you ate. What you wore. They even managed to snap a picture of that tiny clay hedgehog Charles bought you back at the artisan market âa detail so small, yet so personal, and now itâs making the rounds in social media. Itâs all out there now, for anyone to dissect, to judge, to speculate.Â
One thing is people knowing your hotel back in the middle of a Grand Prix, and another thing entirely is being followed back to Charlesâ building entrance. Thereâs even photos of you carrying the suitcase inside the Sainzâs villa just couple days ago.Â
The thought of going back to Monaco after this trip to Mallorca feels suffocating. Youâre not sure if you can face it. Not after everything. You feel so exposed, like thereâs nowhere safe anymore.Â
Charlesâs voice cuts through your spiraling thoughts. "No, I donât even look at those things anymore," he confesses, the finality in his voice talking of a decision he took long ago. The driver has spent years on the spotlight, for good a not so much "Look, I know we talked about this before, but I really donât care what anyone says."Â
His words linger in the quite night, his eyes never leaving yours. "I enjoy this. Being here, with you. Spending more time together outside of racing and being normal, you know?" His smile softens, but there's something deeper in his expression, something you canât quite put your finger on. "And I loved showing you around Monaco, having you at home. So really, why would I care about what some loser has to say about it? This... this is just me and you. Us."Â
Oh, thatâs... Â
What?Â
A rush of warmth blooms across your cheeks, spreading like wildfire through your chest, leaving you breathless for a moment. Your heart flutters, faster than it should, thatâs so nice, so comforting in a way you didnât expect. And the way heâs looking at you, the intensity in his gaze expressing a million things more than he can manage to put into words. Â
But where is all this coming from? Heâs never said anything remotely close to this before. Sure, heâs talked about how great it was spending time with you, how much fun the last few days were, but this?Â
âI...â you stammer, the word barely a whisper as your mind struggles to catch up. You look up at him, heart racing and nerves threatening to unravel you entirely. What are you even supposed to say? His words, his tone, the way his eyes seem to search yours with such quiet urgency. It all feels so much deeper than just this conversation âI had a lot of fun too, Charlesâ Â
As soon as the words slip from your lips, you realize with a sinking feeling that youâve said the wrong thing. The change in the air is almost tangible, as if the moment itself has shifted, taking on a new weight you canât shake off. Charlesâs smile is still there, but itâs different now. Itâs more distant, reserved.Â
You open your mouth instinctively, your mind scrambling for something to say, something to undo the sudden tension. But the words donât come. Theyâre caught somewhere, stuck behind the pressure building inside you.Â
But nothing comes. The words stay lodged in your throat, swallowed by hesitation, and all you can do is watch as he turns and walks away.Â
âToma, dale a la crĂa mĂĄs jamĂłn, hombre (Here, give the girl some more jamĂłn, boy)â Carlos Senior voice breaks through the chatter, abrupt yet kindly, leaning over the table to take one of the dishes of cut meat scattered around the table and giving it to his son.Â
You try to wave it off, an awkward smile tugging at your lips. âOh, no, no, por favor,â you stammer, already chewing on a bite of the rich, salty meat. But before you can protest further, Carlos takes the plate from his fatherâs hand and places it in front of you. A bit of heat rises to your cheeks, âSorry, itâs been a while since I last got to eat it and-âÂ
âNo, love, eat some more! Thereâs cheese here as well, do you want some?â Reyes, Carlosâ mother, swiftly diverts the talk, not waiting for an answer before picking another one of the dishes and sending it down the table towards you. Â
âTendrĂamos pedir mĂĄs y asĂ se llevan los chicos (We should buy some more, so the kids can take them home)â she suggests to her husband, taking her glass in one hand and turning to the other guest at the table âCharles, do you like it too? And the cheese? Weâll prepare some for you to take backâÂ
You laugh under your breath, trying not to look overwhelmed. The plates seem to multiply around you, the family circling you both in a flurry of food. You catch Charlesâ eye across the table, his dimples flashing in an innocent smile. Heâs probably not understanding half of the conversation, the rapid-fire Spanish swirling around him too much to keep up with. Â
Your mind drifts briefly to Nick, he's definitely not going to be happy about this. From the delicate codfish Reyes had spent hours preparing, to the fragrant cake Carlos' sister brought over, youâve already eaten more than you intended. This time youâre truly not sure if youâll fit on the car. Â
Well, the trainer had actually seemed quite willing to ease up on the strictness of the diet when you brought up your conversation with Daniel a few weeks ago. He even programmed a new plan just a couple of days later. For some reason and despite their differences, Nick was oddly pleased that Daniel had discussed the topic with you, even admitted he wasnât really comfortable with such a rigid calorie count either. Â
So then, why was it programmed in the first place?Â
âWhere are you taking them tomorrow?â Carlos' sister leans forward, finishing her piece of cheese as she watches the scene unfold around them, her eyes scanning the quiet evening.Â
âWe were going to Palma, to see the market, but now that they know weâre all here...â her brother reclines lazily on the chair, a sigh flowing out his lips âI donât know, maybe take a trip to Menorca?âÂ
Carlos glances over at you and Charles, his eyes scanning for a response. You nod encouragingly, the idea appealing. It'll throw the paparazzies off for a while, the island not that far from you, but enough to be off the radar for a bit.Â
His father also supports the idea, instantly taking out his phone to show Carlos a restaurant they visited a few years back as a suggestion for lunch âYour mother loved this one, it had a terrace over the sea and all. And there was this plate of roasted lamb...âÂ
Carlos and his sister both chuckle at the enthusiasm in the manâs voice, exchanging a look with their mother. Itâs probably not the first time theyâve heard this story, and judging by the way their father dives into every single detail of it âeven in Englishâ, the last time wonât be anytime soon either.Â
The conversation drifts to other places worth visiting before they leave the island. The family has had this house for years, and while they know Mallorca like the back of their hands, theyâve explored the other islands multiple times as well.Â
After a while, Carlosâ hand fall onto your knee to gain your attention âLike the plan?âÂ
âMenorca? Yeah, at least for tomorrowâ you whisper back, your eyes meeting his. Theyâre the ones who know how to navigate the chaos of fame, so you better follow along with their advice.Â
The Ferrari driver nods, his hand giving your knee a reassuring squeeze before leaving it to rest there, calm and steady. The warmth of his touch lingers as the evening stretches on. Yeah, heâs getting too smooth at it, you think âbut you donât mind.Â
_____Â
Turns out the Sainz family has an excellent taste, from the restaurants they recommend to the activities Carlos is roped into taking you on. Menorca, it turns out, is even more enchanting than the glossy postcards or travel blogs ever hinted at, with its tranquil waters and the shimmering sun. You spend most of the trip in a blissful haze, thankfully managing to avoid too many encounters with paparazzi or curious fans.Â
That conversation with Charles from the first evening? Itâs not mentioned again, by either of you. The air between you settling back into that familiarity slowly but surely. Still, it lingers in the back of your mind, and you make a mental note to talk things through with him once youâre away from all of this.Â
The days on the islands vanish like grains of sand through your fingers, blurring into an endless string of sunsets and laughter. You try to memorize every detail âthe way the sunlight catches on Carlosâ grin, the sound of Charlesâ rare and genuine laugh, the warm feeling being with them bring you. But no matter how tightly you cling, the end still comes.Â
Your escapade to the Balearic Islands has come to an end, and now youâre heading to Monaco for the last couple of days youâll get to spend with Charles.Â
When the time to finally part ways at the airport comes, Carlos holds you tightly. His hug is firm, his arms wrapping around you as if they alone could keep you from leaving. He sways you gently from side to side, reluctant to let go.Â
âSo, youâre coming back every break, arenât you?â his words, though light, strike a chord deep in your chest.Â
You want to respond, to reassure him, but the truth lodges in your throat. Because this, whatever it is, probably wonât happen ever again. You wonât get to spend your holidays with the two drivers, wonât be able to talk to them again, to see them, to hug them. This dream, or whatever this temporarily insanity of yours is, will come to an end at some point. Right?Â
But even as you nod and give him a wry smile, the question haunts you: do you want it to end?Â
The thought keeps circling your mind over the following days and weeks, as you try to convince yourself of the only sane solution. You have to go back, to your apartment, to your work, to your life âHow? Youâll have to figure that one out too. Nevertheless, this feeling reaches its breaking two weeks later, at the afterparty of the Belgian Grand Prix, cradled in his arms once again, this time under the crisp chill of his victory night as you lose yourself in his eyes.Â
Do you really want this to end?Â
âThanks again for coming,â Carlos murmurs, looking down at you in a hug that you both refuse parting from. âI know youâve been a little anxious about parties and going out latelyâÂ
You lean back slightly to look at him, the warmth of his presence anchoring you âI couldnât miss it.âÂ
âWho knows when Iâll win again, right?â he teases, a sly smile playing on his lips.Â
âOh, shut it!â you laugh, swatting his chest. The sound of your voice bounces off the quiet entrance, and for a moment, the world narrows to just the two of you.Â
âWhat? Youâre the one who said it first!âÂ
âMe?! When?â your incredulous glare only makes his grin wider âItâs you who heard that, always thinking the worst of meâÂ
âIf that helps you sleep at nightâ Â
You push at him in mock indignation, stepping back from the hug to create some distance, but your heel catches on the uneven ground. The world tilts alarmingly, but before gravity can do its worst, his hands are thereâfirm and steadyâgripping your waist and pulling you back upright in one seamless motion âNope, weâre not having none of that tonightâÂ
âWhat? canât a woman fall down with dignity now?â you spurt back, regaining your footing. Your feet hurt with these heels, you thought rich people parties were supposed to be more of sitting down fun, some wine and expensive food. Instead got that undanceable musicÂ
âWith dignity?â he chuckles, low and warm, letting you adjust yourself but keeping his hold on you. You donât know if it's in fear youâll fall again or simply a need to keep you close âSomeone just had a little too many daquirisâÂ
You look at him then, big eyes on display and your lower lip pushed out, like a child caught red-handed and whine âThey were so good, Carlos, so sweet!âÂ
âI knew youâd like then,â Carlosâ smirk softens, glad you enjoyed the drink he recommended âWhen I tried the cherry one, I immediately thought of you.âÂ
âOh, thatâs why it tasted like a lollypop!â The revelation feels groundbreaking in your slightly woozy state. His sweets words somehow flying pass you. You point at him accusingly then, wobbling a bit in your heels. âBut donât change the topic, Iâm not drunk no more, I swear!âÂ
âNo? Youâre not?âÂ
âPerfectly fine now. Just the heels, I promiseâ you nod, you havenât drink that much and he know it. He is just teasing âIâm, like, tipsy. Fun tipsy.âÂ
âFun tipsy, you say?â Carlos repeats in a chuckle, voice almost a whisper, and his gaze lingers. The noise of the party behind you fades to a distant hum. He looks at you, really looks at you, and something in his expression makes your chest tighten and your stomach flip in equal measure.Â
You donât notice when his hands begin to slide, one moving up from your waist to rest just below your neck. His thumb brushes along your jawline, tentative but deliberate. The gentle warmth of his palm against your cheek is intoxicating, and before you know it, youâre leaning into the touch, your body betraying you.Â
âThen...â the manâs eyes glimmer, catching the golden glow of the patio lights. His voice is laced with hesitance, searching yours for a question he suddenly feels too shy to ask âWould it be okay if I kissed you?âÂ
The question lingers between you, heavy with meaning. For a moment, all you can do is nod, barely aware of the small, trembling movement. The distance between you vanishes as he leans in, his hand cradling your cheek with a gentleness that makes your breath hitch.Â
When Carlosâ lips finally meet yours, itâs like the world stops spinning. The first touch is soft, testing, as though heâs afraid to break the moment. You respond almost instinctively, leaning into him, and thatâs all the encouragement he needs. The kiss deepens, his lips pressing against yours with a growing confidence.Â
His other hand finds its way back to your waist, anchoring you to him, steady and unyielding. Your hand clutching his shirt while the other drifts up to his shoulder. The warmth of him seeps into your fingertips, your skin, until you feel like you might melt into him entirely.Â
Your heart pounds wildly in your chest, the sound almost deafening in your ears. His fingers graze along your jawline, tracing a path as if trying to memorize every inch of you in this fleeting moment. Youâre hyper-aware of everything âhis touch, the way his breath mingles with yours, the slight tug of his lips as he smiles into the kiss.Â
When he pulls away, itâs agonizingly slow, his lips lingering against yours as if reluctant to part. His forehead comes to rest lightly against yours.Â
 âThat was really niceâ Carlos murmurs, his voice hushed, almost reverent.Â
âYeah, it wasâ you agree, your voice barely a whisper. You lean back, looking up at him with a smile that betrays the fluttering in your chest and canât help but chuckle âA bit unexpected maybe, butââÂ
"Unexpected?" he asks with a relaxed laugh, his fingers drawing invisible circles on your waist, his touch light but steady. "You canât even imagine how long Iâve wanted to do that."Â
Before you can respond, he leans in for a quick, soft kiss, his lips brushing yours one last time, lingering just long enough to leave you wanting more.Â
âLike two hours?â you guess, playfully, as you play with the buttons of his dark shirt, and he shakes his head in denialÂ
The sound of a car approaching cuts through the momentâthe unmistakable hum of your Uber arriving. Carlos glances over his shoulder at the car, then back at you, his expression softening âGuess itâs time for you to go, Iâll tell you about it another dayâÂ
The Ferrari driver pulls back and reaches for your hand, guiding you down the stairs and toward the car. You pause at the door, feeling a little reluctant to part ways, but before you can say anything, Carlos steps close again. His hand slides to your waist, pulling you in for a brief but sweet kiss, one that leaves you with a small smile on your lips.Â
"Send me a message when you get there, alright?" he murmurs, his lips still close to yours.Â
"Yeah, I will," you reply, a little breathless, before stepping back and getting into the car.Â
"Goodnight, Carlos"Â
âBuenas noches, cieloâÂ
Author's note: Thank you all so much for reading, any kind of interaction is greatly appreciated! I know it's been way too long
Mateeeee, when will u update, like, is there a specific time? Or a day? I can't wait, hope you're doing well!
Hiii hon! â€ïž I'm doing well, just overwhelmed with my masters, so sorry it's taking so long to update. Hope you're doing great as well!
You didn't specify the fic so I'll use your ask as a kinda update for everyone.
If it's about First Winners, that's kinda the end of Chasing Firsts. There might be a third part at some point, but that's for the long run.
And if you're talking about If I lose my mind, it'll probably be updated around Christmas.
I'll be in a hiatus for a while since I don't really have time for writing right now. I'm really sorry to everyone that's enjoying the stories (btw thanks a lot for reading đ„ș), but it'll take a bit for them to be completed. Love you all some much, hope you have an amazing time while I'm away!
Summary: After a challenging first season, you return to the Formula One world with renewed determination and lots to prove. You and Max have finally left your rivalry behind and the future has never looked more promising.Â
Pairing: Max Verstappen x reader
Note: this is the second and last part of a collection called Chasing Firsts, being First Loser the part 1 of it. It can be read as a standalone but you'll understand things better if you have read part 1.
Word Count: 11k
Warnings: emotional distress, mentions of injury
Also on AO3
âSorry!â you shout, breathless, as you sprint across the track, heart racing with effort and pure excitement.Â
It is one of those nice sunny days, where the sky is clear but the air remains refreshingly cool, just right for the snug embrace of the race suit. Ahead of you, the drivers are already standing on position, their brightly colored team gear popping against the backdrop of the asphalt. Â
Formula 1 Gulf Air Bahrain Grad Prix 2022.Â
Just reading the huge sign placed in front of the group makes your skin tingle, the thrill of the season ahead and the weight of what had come before thrumming in your heart. Â
âLook who finally decided to show up!â Landoâs voice rings out, dripping with playful mockery, his face lighting up with exaggerated shock.Â
The teasing begins immediately as you half-run to your place, playful cheering and clapping for your âlong-awaitedâ arrival. Your eyes find Max across the group âhis signature grin spreads wide, eyes sparkling with amusement. You wave off their jokes with a smile of your own, shaking your head and quickly unknotting the sleeves of the suit from your hips. Not even five minutes have passed.Â
"I had to take shots for the opening titles and all that stuff!â you explain, slightly out of breath as you slide into your spot.Â
Your position is on the left side, wedged between Yuki Tsunoda and the McLarens. Behind you, the Alpine drivers stand a step higher, getting settled in for the photo. Daniel is quick to throw an arm around your shoulders, shaking you from side to side with an exaggerated cheer while you try to fix yourself.Â
âWelcome back! We missed youâÂ
You look up at him, your lower lip pushed out in a joking warning âDonât say that! Iâll cry!âÂ
Daniel just grins. âOops. My bad,â he laughs, releasing you and falling back into position.
The photographers quickly signal they are ready.Â
You also draw a smile for the cameras, despite the emotions that start bubbling inside of you. The uncertainty, the fear that your racing career was over and you wouldnât get into a Formula One car ever again. You werenât even lined up for a reserve driver role, left scrambling after Hass had terminated your contract late in the off-season. Every seat was covered.
And yet, her you were again, this time wearing AlphaTauriâs colors.Â
The world seems to blur around you, your eyes stinging as you try and fail to blink back the tears welling up. You turn around, pressing your hands over your face in a desperate attempt to pull yourself together. You can hear the confused murmurs around you, drivers shifting slightly as they notice the photographers stopping their work.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â someone asks, but before you could respond, Alex Albonâs voice rings out above the chatter, announcing to everyone within earshot, âAw, sheâs crying!âÂ
That was it âevery driver and staff surrounding you turned into a mix of soft chuckles and sympathetic coos. You feel a hand gently land on your head from the spot behind yours, Fernando, offering a quiet, steady reassurance. Daniel also shifts beside you, using his body to shield you from the cameras as he begins to draw comforting circles on your back. You let out a shaky breath.Â
Some things never change, you think. At least, this time, theyâre happy tears.Â
A couple days later, you find yourself standing among the drivers in a more composed manner. The pre-race buzz growing loud around you.
Max comes to stand beside you, flashing a grin and checking âHow are you feeling?âÂ
You cross your arms in front of you, glancing at the grandstands and staff rushing around. Everything had to be perfect for the first race of the season.Â
âHonestly? Weird,â you admit, scrunching your nose âItâs just... I donât knowâÂ
Carlos, catching the tail end of your confession, chimes in âYouâve already been through the hard part,â he casually shrugs âNowâs just like last yearâÂ
You grimace, changing the weight from one leg to the other. The problem is that this could not be a repeat of last year, and yesterdayâs qualy was clearly not helping that resolution. Sixteenth, for godness sake.Â
âYeah, but with the new team...â  Â
âAh, donât worry!â Lando chimes in, flashing you a cheeky smirk âNo one will even notice the change, just a different shade of blue.âÂ
He wasnât wrong. In your almost identical white race suit, only the blue details and deep red logo of Hass had been swapped for the completely dark blue parts of the AlphaTauri emblem. They could have easily photoshopped you into the start of the seasonâs group photos.Â
You are fast to quip back âSays the guy whoâs been a walking papaya for three seasons straight!â, nodding at his McLaren gear.Â
âExcuse me, itâs four seasons,â Lando corrects, mock-offended as he dramatically clutches his chest. âHave some respect!âÂ
Carlos snickers, nudging you with his elbow. âYeah, look at him, heâs a senior nowâÂ
âWhateverâ you shake your head, waving a hand in the air to dismiss their corrections. âBut yeah, I was hoping for a darker color or something. They had some nice blue ones back when you were in itâ you add, glancing up at Max.Â
The Dutch, who had been quietly hearing the conversation, raises his eyebrows slightly. His eyes shifting between you and Carlos, his old teammate, trying to recall those days in Toro Rosso.Â
You, on the other hand, remembered it vividly. That lanky teenager with rosy cheeks and a wide grin, who shyly laughed off the harsh questioning from the media and was still learning how to handle the spotlight that never seemed to leave him. Max Verstappen, then the youngest driver in Formula 1 history, had merely been a young boy thrust into the cutthroat world of racing, where every mistake felt magnified and the pressure was unyielding. Â
And now, here he was, standing tall and confident next to you on his eighth season. He had transformed into a fierce competitor, coming off a runner-up finish in the previous World Championship and now fiercely hungry for his first title.Â
Max sure had grown a lot.Â
Just a few minutes later, a staff member gently interrupts your conversation, guiding your group toward the red carpet as the national anthem prepares to play. The Red Bull driver helps you weave through the crowd all the way to the front, and finds a spot right next to you as they finalize preparing the ceremony. The atmosphere around you hums with excitement, fans' cheers growing louder as everyone settles into place for the race presentation. Â
It doesnât take long for someone to notice that Max has given up his prime position at the center, as the race pole winner, for a place next to you. But by then, heâs already achieved his goal: calming your nerves with a few light-hearted quips, leaving you smiling even as heâs more or less escorted back to his position.Â
Still, after the ceremony comes to an end, the Dutch manages to find his way back to you. Just to wish you good luck one last time. Max tries to do so seamlessly, thrusting himself into the sea of people and matching your pace as you walk back to your car âdespite his own resting in the front row. The Red Bull mechanics waving their arms and making signs behind him, their expressions a mix of frustration and amusement, likely thinking he has forgotten his starting spot.Â
âBe careful, though, no ending up in the curb today,â he calls out, a playful grin lighting up his face when you near the crowd of white and blue AlphaTauri personnel âYouâre not a rookie anymore!âÂ
Your eyes widen when his words sink in, instantly transporting to last year events and how mad you had been at him. Those interviews and press conferences where you had been at each other neck, especially at the one Max references. Â
He had pushed you to the edge âboth metaphorically and on the trackâ, so calling him a rookie was the softest thing he was going to get from you.Â
Max lets out a hearty laugh at your reaction, taking a couple steps back in his carâs direction. You roll your eyes, shooting him a playful middle finger which is thankfully hidden by the crowd of people still swarming the grid. No need to give the media something to buzz about before the race had even begun. Â
In a twist of irony, despite Maxâs playful warnings, itâs him who ends up in the curb in the season opener. Well, not exactly like that, a fuel system failure forces him to retire just a few laps from the end. But naturally, when he wanders into the AlphaTauri garage afterward to congratulate you on your impressive debut, you canât resist the jab.Â
Max sighs dramatically, shaking his head. "Yeah, yeah, I deserved that." But his smile is genuine, a glint of pride in his eyes as he pats your back. "Nice job out there."Â
It feels good. Really good.Â
Qualifying may have been rough, and your aggressive overtakes mightâve drawn some criticism, but that day, you managed to score your first points for AlphaTauri and secure your highest finish yet. Eighth place. Not bad, not bad at all.Â
You know you canât promise this kind of result in every race, but it still feels like a statement. A message to all those who had questioned the teamâs decision to sign you, who flooded the internet with doubts about your abilities. They chalked up your signing to desperation, to picking the only driver left on the market. Â
Now, with a hard-earned finish in the books, you feel a sense of vindication. You have proved you belong here.Â
Honestly, part of you understands their doubts. Not a single rumor had circulated about you being an option for AlphaTauriâor any other teamâafter a long break and the presentation of the new cars for the season. It had seemed clear: you had lost your opportunity in the F1 world, like many others. Once you stepped out, it felt like there was no coming back.Â
Yet, just two weeks before the start of the season, you were walking into AlphaTauri headquarters to finalize your contract. Â
From that moment, everything became a blurâpapers to sign, photos to take, and a whirlwind of patience required to navigate your new life. Patience with your new team, with the bosses, and as always, with the media.Â
In the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix, the car starts having issues as soon as qualifying starts. The steering is a mess, failing to respond to every single one of your manoeuvres, and the engine loses power lap after lap. The result: the withdrawal of your car just before the end of Q2.Â
Itâs fine, you tell yourself, repeating it like a mantra. Youâll make do with what you have. Youâll forget everything when the lights go out. Even relaying a more polished version of it to the reporters.Â
It is March anyway, more specifically Drive to Survive new seasonâs release week, so they donât care that much about your Qualy. Their focus lies elsewhere: namely, your huge rivalry with Max Verstappen, the centerpiece of Netflixâs media campaign.Â
A rivalry that does not exist anymore.Â
âI mean, I understand the interest,â you accept, taking a sip from your newly acquired Red Bull can-shaped bottle to organize your thoughts. âMax was having an amazing sea-âÂ
Your sentence is abruptly cut off by a hand falling on your shoulder, giving it an encouraging squeeze. You turn back in surprise to see Max himself making his way past, his PR minder close behind.Â
âSorry, sorry,â he shyly smiles, noticing he has distracted you from the questionÂ
You wave it off âItâs alrightâ, looking back to the cameraÂ
âWe were actually talking about you,â the reporter interjects, seizing the chance to bring the two of you into the spotlight, already moving his microphone towards Max.Â
Max raises an eyebrow, a mix of confusion and caution on his face. You can sense the tension; itâs no secret that you have not been nice to each other in past interviews. Glad it is not like that today. Â
âAbout Netflix and all thatâ you finish for the reporter, noticing he wasnât going toÂ
âOh, right, did you see the posters by the entrance?â Max suddenly remembers, a clever shift in the conversation. Like you, he must have been receiving this type of questions all weekend. âThey look straight out of a movie! The one where you are jumping out of the car is the be...âÂ
âOf me?â you cut in, pointing to yourself in disbelief.Â
âYeah, it's you! From back in Austria, I thinkâ Max confirms with a nod, taking a step toward his waiting interviewer. Thatâs when the crash went down âTheyâre just by the gate, next to the security. You should check them out.âÂ
And just like that, Max has deftly diverted the spotlight and got you both off the hook from what could have been an incredibly uncomfortable interview. Sometimes, his media training does work wonders.Â
Later, he even sends you a photo of the poster, and you have to admit it: you look amazing in them.Â
Sunday morning dawns, and your sixteenth position on the grid is turned into a disappointing nineteenth due to necessary changes in your car's components. Last place. You donât know if itâs a blessing or a curse that you hardly get to feel the weight of starting at the back, since the steering wheel starts throwing every known error at you the moment you drive out of the pit lane for the formation lap. The radio crackles to life in the middle of your panic, informing you that the car is also smoking.Â
Just like that, your car is deemed unsafe to drive, and you are left to spend your second race seated in the AlphaTauri garage watching Yuki, your teammate, raise to P7.Â
This time, itâs you who walk over to the Red Bull garage after the race, hoping to congratulate Max on his amazing race and to escape the celebratory cheers in your own. The moment is far more fleeting than when he had come to see you in Bahrain. Max all smiles and adrenaline, skin glistening with champagne as he pulls you into a brief half-hug in the crowd of mechanics, before heâs whisked away to a meeting room for a post-race debrief.Â
Heâs the winner, after all, and the season seems to look better for him with each passing race.Â
Meanwhile, for you, things only going downhill from there on. Youâre doing terrible in qualifying, and fixing it in the race turns into an almost impossible mission as the rest of the cars swarm past, easily overtaking you even in the slowest sectors.Â
Those words of encouragement from Bahrain morph into doubtful glances once again. It doesnât matter that you beat your own record with a seventh-place finish in Imola or that you manage to get within the points in Spain after a grueling race. The media decides to deem that performance âinconsistentâ instead, and it stings.Â
Then comes the Canadian Grand Prix, a moment that seals your fate. You had climbed the grid from seventeenth place with sheer determination and some questionable overtakes, you were pushing it to the limit and the strategy was looking so promising. Lap 58 and you had managed to reach P9. Â
But as you exit the pits on your final set of tyres, everything comes crashing down.Â
âThere we have it. Comes out of the pits on cold tires and goes straight on into the barrierâ the sportscaster's frustration is almost palpable as they show the footage of your onboard camera âSuch a shameâÂ
The clip replays in your head and the TV on a constant loop. The way you accelerated and simply lost control, as if it were your first time in a Formula One car. Do you even know how to drive? âitâs basically what Esteban Ocon had screamed over the radio during your battle in the opening laps, and at this point, youâre starting to believe it yourself.Â
Your phone buzzes over the hotel bed, pulling you out of the haze. Itâs Max.Â
Didnât see you back at the garage. Hope youâre alright.Â
You leave the message sitting there, unread, unsure of what to say. Itâs the first time youâve skipped seeing him after the podium, breaking what had quietly become a tradition between the two of you since the Abu Dhabi GP. Max comes to your garage when you secure a decent finish, and more often than not, you head over to Red Bull to celebrate his wins. But yesterday, you couldnât face it.Â
A few minutes later, another buzz.Â
Got a plane back to Monaco with a few of the guys. Youâre welcome to join. Â
Thought it might be better than flying alone.Â
You hesitate, the idea of being around the other drivers feels exhausting right now.Â
It alright, Max. I already got the flight back.Â
ThanksÂ
His response is instant.Â
If you change your mind, weâre leaving in a couple hours. Just let me know.Â
After the summer break, you return to the paddock with a new mindset. You have made a decision to not to care anymore. Not about the whispers, the criticism, or the endless pressure to prove yourself. Last year, you achieved a dream you had been chasing since you were a childâyour first season in Formula One. And yet, instead of soaking in the accomplishment, you had spent every race weekend consumed by the opinions of others.Â
You are not going to make the same mistake this year. If thereâs one thing youâve learned from your time in Formula 1, itâs those opportunities like this, to redeem yourself, donât come twice. So, you are decided to block out the noise. If people want to talk, let them. You have a job to do: racing.Â
But life has a way of throwing curveballs.Â
Itâs Qualifying day at the Belgium Grand Prix, and the paddock is alive with the usual pre-session buzz. The weather, typical for Spa, is unpredictable âdark clouds loom over the track, threatening to turn the session into a chaotic lottery as the track slickens.Â
Unfortunately, you have found yourself being kicked out in Q1. You were pushing, clocking good lap times, but the worry about your wheels slipping on the wet asphalt held you back from going full throttle. As the session concludes, you canât shake off the disappointment.Â
You discuss possible questions with your PR minder while waiting for your turn in the media pen. Your gaze drifts occasionally to the large screen nearby, watching the remaining drivers test the limits of their cars in the second session.Â
Suddenly, your stomach drops, and your heart races as you see a car spin out of control on the screen. It takes a moment for your brain to register the scene; itâs Sergio Perez. The monitor shows him losing grip during a fast lap, the car sliding wildly before crashing into the barriers. A collective gasp fills the media pen, and your breath catches in your throat.Â
A couple of hours later, Red Bull officially announces what everyone feared:Â
âFollowing a severe accident during Qualifying today, Sergio Perez has sustained a wrist injury that will prevent him from competing in the Belgian Grand Prix. He is currently receiving medical attention, and we wish him a swift recovery.âÂ
The weight of the news hangs heavily in the air, and as fans and media begin speculating who will fill Checo's seat for the race, whispers circulate around the paddock. Some believe Yuki, with his existing experience in the Red Bull family, will be the front-runner for the seat. Others argue that Liam, fresh off impressive performances in F2, might be a bold choice but also an intelligent one.Â
It is safe to say that, when your name is announced in the following statement, nobody is expecting it.Â
Your new photo, clad in the Red Bull race suit, plasters itself across every headline, every social media feed. The press loses its collective mind.Â
From the back of the grid to Red Bullâs frontlines: A risk too far?Â
The mistake that could cost Red bull the constructorsâ titleÂ
An erratic driver in a top-tier car. Will she crumble under pressure?Â
Inconsistent and unreliable. The weakest link signed for Red Bullâs title chase?Â
Every headline, every article paints the same pictureâRed Bull taking a reckless chance with you, questioning your consistency and readiness for the top-tier spotlight. Itâs as though no one remembers the flashes of brilliance youâve shown, only the times youâve faltered.Â
You canât help but notice the lukewarm response from Christian Horner when he arrives to the paddock on race day. Â
"Weâre giving her the opportunity, and sheâll have to show if her performance is up to our expectations." declares the Red Bull principal. Itâs not exactly a ringing endorsement. More like a public trial, and youâre the one on the stand.Â
But Max? Max defends you, openly and unapologetically.Â
âEveryoneâs being so quick to judge, but no one gets on this level by accidentâ he is asked about innumerable times that morning pre-race, and his response is always firm. Leaving no room for doubts âSheâs more than capable.âÂ
Itâs a bold statement, one that earns Max a few raised eyebrows and more than enough jokes about needing to be saved from his PR team. But he doesnât care. He stands by you, and for the first time in weeks, you feel like youâve got someone in your corner.Â
The pre-race ceremony feels like a fever dream. Drivers and team members pass by, offering fist bumps, handshakes, and quick words of encouragement. This time you are ushered to the front line for the race presentation, to stand next to Max Verstappen because that is your place right now. As his teammate.Â
"You do look better in blue, Iâll give you that" he whispers with a teasing grin, giving you a playful nudgeÂ
âTold youâ you smile up at him, genuine happiness pulling at your lips "Guess Iâve got to prove I can drive just as well in it too."Â
"You will" Max responds, his tone suddenly serious, but thereâs no pressure behind it âjust belief. Â
When the lights go out, the roar of the engines swallows your every thought. Youâre starting P13 as a result of Checoâs accident, but as the race unfolds, you move higher and higher in the grid. By lap 30, you're in 8th, and thereâs no stopping you now. The Red Bull feels like a beast under your hands and youâre squeezing every bit of power out of it, pulling off daring overtakes with a confidence you didnât know you still had.Â
Each overtake, each maneuver, pulls you higher up the grid. By the time the final laps roll around, you have somehow managed to slip into P3, a podium spot within your grasp. This is surreal. Â
Still, Carlos Sainzâs Ferrari is looming large in your mirrors. Heâs fast, too fast, and heâs on fresher tires âhe is not the one who had to fight half of the grid to get into this position. You know it's only a matter of time before he makes his move, but you defend like your life depends on it.Â
The Ferrari dives down the inside after the straight, and you can't hold him back any longer. He slips past, his car a red blur as he takes P3. The podium slips through your fingers, but you hold on to P4, pushing the car to its limits until the checkered flag waves.Â
In the media pen afterward, the energy is electric. You raise with confidence as the reporters wave his congratulations and questions. They press you for details, dissecting every turn, every near-miss. One reporter brings up the moment mid-race where you almost went off-track, and you grin, leaning into the microphone.Â
âOh, yeah, look...â you sigh, laughter bubbling up inside you âMax told me to try his settings this weekend and, wowâÂ
The interviewer chuckles at your reaction, but he really doesnât know the half of it. It's unlike anything youâve driven before, a razor-sharp font end and a rear looser than you've ever seen. The result of it is an extremely sensitive car, unpredictable, always on the edge of losing control. Â
âItâs hard to get used to, but you know... you don't argue with someone who's going to be the world champion."Â
A new announcement comes like a wave crashing over the F1 world a few days later: Sergio Perez will be sidelined for up to five races due to his wrist injuries. The rehabilitation will be long and difficult, but the doctors are optimistic about his full recovery. The news spread like a wildfire, the weight of expectation settling heavily on your shoulders. Youâve had your fair share of ups and downs this season, but stepping in for Checo? That was definitely not on your bingo card.Â
Arriving at Zandvoort later that week is a surreal experience. This time, youâre not just las minute filling in, you step into the paddock as a âsomewhatâ confirmed Red Bull driver for the start of a race weekend. Â
Youâre dressed head-to-toe in the signature blue and red, the bold bull logo stamped on your chest for all to see. It feels like a second skin, but at the same time, heavier than you expected. Honestly, the simple attire by itself draws a lot of attention, more than you wanted âthough, sorry to disappoint, youâre clearly not Max Verstappen. Â
At least, when you finally step into the Red Bull garage, the cameras and the blatant stares donât follow. Your eyes shift through the garage as you try to gather your bearings, taking a deep breath, but someone quickly catches your eye. Â
Victoria.Â
The sight of her sent a wave of warmth crashing over you, and you rush forward, surprising her with a hug that she instantly reciprocates. It has been so long since you last saw her, only got meet her a few times during your seasons in F3 and F2 when you came to the Netherlands.Â
âOh, look at you!â Victoria whispers, her voice thick with emotion as she buries her head into your shoulder. âIâm so proud of you, really proud. This is hugeâÂ
âI know, itâs not in the best conditions but-â you lament, voice lightly tremblingÂ
âDonât say thatâ she pulls away to look you in the eyes, still firmly holding your hands in hers, and you feel like a small teary child again. âYou deserve it, this opportunity. Nobody gave this to you, youâve worked for itâÂ
âI wish you were here,â you confess, letting go of her right hand to wipe the stray tear rolling down your cheek. Victoria squeezes your hand, probably a bit overwhelmed as well, so you decide to lighten the mood a little âYour brotherâs too goodâÂ
âAre you saying I wasnât?!â Victoria shots back in faux indignation, giving you a playful light push.Â
âBut youâd at least let me pass.âÂ
âYeah, I would have,â she states, confidently, her smile brightening the moment âIâm glad you two fixed things.âÂ
The mention of last yearâs chaos weighs heavy in the air, you take a deep breath, âSorry for not coming to see you last year. That was... a hard weekend.âÂ
The 2021 Netherlands Grand Prix was a weekend you'd rather forget. Youâd felt exposed, vulnerable, and, honestly, betrayed by Max. Even though you were never more than acquaintances during your karting days, and the fact you had clashed so badly during that season that season, you thought him, more than anyone, could understand what being crossed by the media was like. Â
At that point especially, when, after weeks of leading drama-filled headlines, that video of you completely broken after your crash with him had flooded every social media platform. He should have known better than to approach you in such a delicate moment.Â
But, anyway, all of that was now forgotten.Â
âI know,â Victoriaâs expression softens at the memory. Her eyes reflected the same pain you felt, and the understanding between you two was palpable âMax wanted mom and I to check on you since the team was dragging him everywhere, but well, he got to you first.âÂ
That surprises you. You had guessed Max caught wind of the release of the video before approaching you after the race, but you supposed he just wanted to save his ass in what looked like an awful-looking media scandal. Never to check how you were feeling.Â
Someone media team swoops in just as you and Victoria are settling down, pulling you away for promo videos and media duties. You nod, giving your friend a parting smile, and follow them toward the motorhome where the familiar sight of cameras, mics, and branded backdrops wait for you. The Netflix crew is also buzzing around like bees, documenting your every step just in case you trip.Â
Max is already there, leaning casually against the wall with his arms crossed, wearing that signature smirk. Â
âTook your time,â he says, raising an eyebrow as you approach. You roll your eyes but canât help the small smile tugging at your lips. Â
"Blame your sister," you say, nodding toward the garage where you last left Victoria. âSheâs distracting.âÂ
Max chuckles, pushing himself off the wall and coming closer as the crew sets up for the first video. âTold her to hang around for a bit, hope recording doesnât take too long.â Â
You are guided to stand by a table with portable cooking stoves, different ingredients and cooking utensils perfectly laid out for you to use. The arrangement seems to spark a realization in the Dutchâs mind. Â
âOh, I almost forgot it. My mother wanted to invite you over to the house for lunch, or dinner, or whenever you want really...â Max trails off, scratching the back of his neck âIâll just go pick you up at the hotelâÂ
You blink in surprise. Lunch with Maxâs family? Itâs been years since you and his sister were close enough to even consider something like that. The thought makes you feel warm, almost nostalgic for a time when things were simpler. Â
âIâd love to, butââ you gesture around, the motorsport chaos swirling around you both, âIâve got a lot to catch up on, car stuff, strategy... I want to focus.âÂ
âThatâs okayâ Max nods in understanding, and you notice thereâs an ease to your interactions now that wasnât there before. âBut donât be too hard on yourself, alright?âÂ
From them on, the weekend unfolds with lots of promo recording, meetings with the engineers and adapting to the team.Â
Qualifying is... bad? Honestly, it is the first time ever in your career you have entered Q3, which, for you is huge milestone, but the high expectations put on you make it seem like an even bigger failure.
Max is second, at least, which can make for an easy race win despite the poor help his teammate can guarantee him.Â
Race day also brings a whole new set of challenges. The weather at Zandvoort is temperamental, shifting between light rain and slick track conditions, and making tire strategy crucial. The pit calls come fast and frantic, and in the heat of the moment, you make a mistake. You swing in for the tire change and, surprise, the mechanics donât try to even touch your car, but instead they start standing up and getting out of your way.Â
It takes you half a second to understand what is happening, but when you see the white overalls, you immediately push the gas pedal. Youâve stopped in Haasâ garage. Â
The mechanics from both teams wave frantically, guiding you to the correct pit box, but not without some laughter. Â
âSorry, too many changes in one yearâ you mutter into the radio, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks beneath the helmet
Your race engineer is quick to reassure you "No problem," though you can still hear the suppressed laughter in his voice. Â
Cameras catch the Red Bull and Haas crews chuckling after your departure, and even the commentators can't hold back their amusement.
You get driver of the day too, for some reason.Â
Later that night, just as you finally collapse onto your hotel bed, exhausted, Max sends you the clip of your pit stop mishap with a string of laughing emojis. You sigh, a tired smile tugging at your lips. Youâll have to get used to these post-race celebrations âMax is on the way to sweep every single trophy this season. Â
Another win at his home race, he couldnât wipe the grin off his face all night. For you, a consolatory P5. You will do better next time.Â
AssholeÂ
Go to sleepÂ
Before you can even roll over, the Red Bull driver is already writing back. You pull the covers over yourself and turn off the lights, waiting for his reply to light up your screen.Â
Canât
Iâm drunk stillÂ
Did you get to the hotel alright?Â
You can almost hear the slur in his words, even through the letters. It takes a second for you to reply.Â
Yeah, just got hereÂ
Iâm so tired, seriously, am not fit to party every weekÂ
You have to stop winning so muchÂ
Thereâs a long pause, the kind that makes you think heâs finally drifted off. But then your phone buzzes again.Â
OkayÂ
I wonât win next weekÂ
PromiseÂ
A smile tugs at your lips at Maxâs messages, warmth spreading through your chest at the silly prospect, and you tap out a quick reply.Â
Like you can help yourselfÂ
Good night, Max. Get some sleep.Â
You fall asleep before you can see his good night message, the events of the day finally taking a toll on you.Â
In Italy, everything feels different. Max and you fall into an unspoken rhythm thanks to the convenience of being in the same hotel. Every morning now begins with a knock at your door, the familiar sight of Max waiting to walk with you to breakfast, and then sharing a car to the track. This continues at the paddock as well, though Grand Prixâs weekends are always a chaos. You suffer through meetings, recordings and PR obligations side by side, exchanging glances when things drag on too long or when something utterly pointless is said. And sometimes, if you are lucky and the schedules align, you can even get to spend some low time relaxing back at the motorhome. Not because you are obligated, but because you want toÂ
It is a welcome change. You have never been this close to a teammate in your time as a professional and Max Verstappen, contrary to all your previous thoughts about him, seems like the perfect person to have that experience with.Â
On Saturday, the meeting with the engineers stretches long into the evening. Despite the success of qualifying âbetter than expected, even, youâve secured a solid P4, just a couple sports behind Max's P2â, the debrief is exhaustive. The engineers dive deep into every tiny detail: tire degradation, fuel consumption rates, weather forecasts, braking zones, and a million other things youâre digest in time for tomorrow. Your brain is buzzing by the time it finally wraps up.Â
The hotelâs restaurant has already closed by the time you roll into the lobby, and you both groan in unison as the realization hits âthereâs no food in sight. The trainers, ever vigilant, push you both into the elevator, their meal-prep containers left earlier in your rooms supposedly your savior for the night. You know what's waiting for you though, and it's not appealing.Â
âI canât eat another freaking rice bowl,â you whisper once the trainers step out on one of the lower floors, the mere thought of it making your stomach turn.Â
Max chuckles beside you, rubbing his stomach in agreement. âI think Iâd rather starve.âÂ
The two of you stand in comfortable silence for a moment, digesting the reality awaiting you. The floors of the elevator flash by on the display, climbing higher and higher toward your rooms.Â
âI mean...â Max starts, crossing his arms and leaning against the elevator wall with a mischievous glint in his eye. âI did see an open pizza place down the street when we were driving byâÂ
âBut tomorrowâs race day...â you mumble, trying to reason with yourself as much as him.Â
âYeah...â Max nods, giving you space to mull it over.Â
The elevator dings and opens on your floor, and Max straightens, preparing to walk out and head toward the sad prepped meal waiting in his room. But just as heâs about to take a step, you reach out and grab the fabric of his shirt, halting him. You press the button to close the doors again, making a quick decision.Â
âOkay, but youâre not ordering!â you say, a grin starting to creep onto your face.Â
Max bursts into laughter, leaning back against the railing again. âAlright, alright.âÂ
You wrap your arms around yourself, glancing at the two of you in the mirror. Both of you are still fully decked out in Red Bull merch from head to toe âMax even has his cap with his number 33 embroidered on it. This has to be the stupidest idea ever.Â
âThe fucking Max Verstappen ordering pizza at 1 a.m. on the night before a Grand Prix,â you shake your head, already imagining the headlines. âAs soon as they see you, theyâre gonna freak oââÂ
âLike youâre any better!â Max interrupts, a teasing grin on his face.Â
Luckily, you manage to get through the pizza run with only a couple of selfies snapped by the restaurant owner and a few late-night customers. Once the pizza box is securely in hand, you both make a quick dash back to the safety of the hotel. Itâs too late to hide your little escapade from the trainers âthe notifications on your phone are already rolling in. But with the scent of freshly baked pizza wafting up to your room, you decide not to care. The film Max picked playing as a mere background as the two of you scarf down the greasy treat.Â
The next day, the Italian Grand Prix dawns with bright sunshine and adrenaline coursing through your veins. Each lap feels like a heartbeat quickening, anticipation pulsing through you as you steadily climb through the positions. Your focus is razor-sharp, each corner, each straight, a delicate balance of precision and control. Max is just ahead, having commanded the race since the second lap, and after battling off the Ferraris and Mercedes, youâve finally latched onto his tail. P2.Â
You push hard, feeling the car respond beneath you with perfect precision, each movement sharp and purposeful. Youâve fought off them off, but theyâre still close, their pace threatening to catch up any second. You need to widen the gap, and you try to close in on Max to let him know exactly that.Â
But something feels off. Max doesnât pull away, sometimes to the point you could easily overtake him. Â
What is happening? Itâs not like heâs letting you pass, he is perfectly blocking the path, but why does he seems to already be at his limit?Â
âNews on Plan X?â you ask over the radio, using Max's code name for some privacy. Better not to raise any alarms if they decide to put it up on TV.Â
âNo changesâ Â
You furrow your brows at the quick response of the race engineer. That canât be. You could âeasilyâ overtake him. Your pace keeps decreasing with every lap spent behind Max, the difference even making it difficult for you to maintain a comfortable gap between the two.Â
Maybe they donât want to tell you thereâs a problem? Or donât see it? Is it his tires? Did he get any damage? It doesn't make sense, why are you faster?Â
Despite the way your instincts scream for answers, you decide itâs better to keep quiet. A double podium is on the line, you canât be fighting Max. Of course you want to win, to show your worth, but you also have to be a team player and these points are extremely important for Red Bull and, of course, for his championship.Â
The familiar silver and blue machine looms closer in your rearview mirror in the middle of your internal battle. Lewis Hamilton is relentless, shortening the gap between you with pure experience and determination. Â
You push down on the throttle, focusing on the track ahead, trying to distance yourself from him as best as you can while protecting Max. You change your line, block him at every turn, do everything to keep him at bay.Â
But with just three laps to go, despite your best efforts, Lewis finds his moment. He slips past with surgical precision, and the sting is immediate. Frustration surging straight from your heart. Could you have passed Max? Could you have won this race? Yes, says a voice in your head, you could have.Â
But itâs too late to act on it, you have betrayed your instincts and now you can only watch Hamilton as he pulls away.
P3.Â
As you cross the checkered flag, though, all the frustration takes a backseat in your mind. Finally, you have made it. Youâve secured a podium, your first one ever. Â
The moment you park the car in front of the sign with a number 3 and pull yourself out, a tidal wave of emotion crashes into you. The cheers of the crowd, the roar from the team. You canât even keep yourself upright. Your legs feel weak, your heart thudding wildly in your chest. Â
You lean into the car, burying your head in your hands, your helmet still on as tears flow freely, the overwhelming joy and relief of this moment too much to hold in.Â
Before you can fully grasp the moment, you feel strong arms wrap around you, pulling you upright. Max is there, his face alight with pride and joy. He helps you remove your helmet, the tears still rolling down your cheeks, and pulls you into a tight hug. His laughter bubbling through the noise.Â
"You didnât want to win, huh?" Max yells over the cheers, a wide grin on his face. "No more parties, you said? You were tired!"Â
His joy is contagious, and for a moment, you forget the exhaustion, laughing through your tears.
When he finally breaks away from the hug, itâs only to help you step onto the nose of your car. You try to protest âitâs his victory, after all, not yoursâ but Max doesnât give you the chance. He lets go of your hand and steps back toward the barriers, your helmet still in his hold as he cheers for you alongside the team. Leaving you to bask in your moment.Â
Your dream come true.Â
The celebration is everything you had imagined and more. The deafening roar of the crowd, the weight of the trophy in your hands, and the surge of pride coursing through your veins feel surreal. Itâs all too much and yet exactly what youâve dreamed of. The champagne flies in all directions, and Max and Lewis make sure to drench you in it until you're soaked to the bone.
By the time you make it to the post-race conference, your skin has become a sticky mess, and your hair âwell, that's a lost cause.Â
âAn incredible race today!â the presenter congratulates you at the start of your round of questions, âItâs been a long journey to get here, hasnât it? Weâve been waiting for youâÂ
 âI know!â you laugh, nerves still fluttering, but adrenaline keeping you afloat. âFinally got a race with nice weather. Iâve always hated the slicks, if you hadnât noticed.âÂ
âThat's not true! Youâve always been good on rainy days,â Max interjects from his relaxed spot on the sofa, picking the mic unprompted for the first timeÂ
âWhat are you talking about? I almost ended up on the gravel in Spa last year,â you throw him a sideways glance, incredulous âTwo times!âÂ
âNo, I meant, like, back in karting,â Â
âAh, seriously?â you sigh, exasperated but amused, finally catching onto where heâs going with this. Max lets out a low chuckle, and you turn to Lewis and the interviewer âYou know why heâs saying that? Itâs because when that inchident thing with him and Charles happened, I was third all through it.âÂ
You can almost see the journalists in the room perking up, pens poised with renewed energy. Youâve never really talked about this before âthere was no need, especially since the main character on it hadnât mentioned you eitherâ, so this was probably news to everyone. Â
Honestly, you werenât sure Max even remembered you being there.Â
âAnd you know,â you continue, getting into the swing of things, âthose two were driving like we were playing Mario Kart or something. Max pushed Charles out to seventh. Charles came back up and almost crashed into me. That was a disaster!âÂ
The interviewer grins, playing along with the banter. âDid you also end up in a puddle?âÂ
âI actually won when they got disqualified,â you reveal, shaking your head as you look back at Max. His fond smile swiftly drawing one on your lips.Â
The fact that both of you are starting at the front of the grid, while the Ferraris languish in fifth and sixth, only heightens the expectations. It feels like everythingâs falling into place. Maybe, just maybe, tonight will be the night Max brings home the title heâs fought so hard for.Â
The Singapore Grand Prix looms large, buzzing through the paddock with one question on everyoneâs mind: will Max bring home the championship today? Five races before the end of the season? Itâs a delicate balance. For Max to seal the deal, he not only needs to win but also relies on Charles to have a disaster of a race âpreferably a low grid finish or, better yet, a DNF.
It's unlikely, Singapore is not usually the scenery for those surprises, but you're allowed to dream.
âHow am I going to sleep tonight?â you murmur as you pull the room key from your bag. Youâre restless, still wound up from the qualifying session. âIâm all like, I donât know. I feel like I could run a marathon right nowâÂ
âNot going to follow you on that one,â Max chuckles, low and tired, stretching out his arms as he follows you out the elevator âSorryâÂ
The hotel corridor is quiet, your footsteps muffled by the plush carpet as you make your way to your room. You look around. Itâs a nice hotel this one, with a good gym and a big room. Such a shame the weekend has been so chaotic.Â
âMust be nice being so relaxedâ Â
âWell, wasted all my nerves in qualy,â he replies, shaking his head with a grin. The soaked track, the stifling humidityâit had all made qualifying feel like a war zone. Max had been knocked off pole a few times. Twice by you. âIâll have to keep an eye on you, canât have you stealing the championshipâÂ
You pause, halfway through opening your door, and turn to look at him, incredulous. âYou asshole, Iâm like 200 points behind you!âÂ
âYeah, sure, sureâ the Dutchman concedes sarcastically. âJust know Iâll be watching youâÂ
Rolling your eyes, you lean against your door, pushing it open with your back. The door swings inward, but instead of stepping inside, you instinctively reach out, arms open. Of course, the goodnight hug âa routine that feels oddly familiar now. You can't quite remember when it started, when Max began waiting for you at the paddock or leaving you at your door every night. But as his arms wrap around you and you're pulled into his warmth, you realize you donât really care.Â
âYouâll do great tomorrowâÂ
âYou too,â you whisper back into his shoulder, and a tiny smile draws in your lips just thinking about your next words âMister World ChampionâÂ
âDonât say that yet, you'll jinx itâ Max susses you, jokingly, pulling back slightly but still holding onto you. Your arms rest comfortably over his shoulders.Â
You chuckle, looking at him straight in the eyes. âI told you, Max, thereâs no way to jinx it. If itâs not tomorrow, itâll be the day after. I just know that one day youâre going to win so much that youâllââÂ
âThat Iâll get tired of itâ Max finishes, in a whisper. The memory of the night you told him that, after his loss in last yearsâ championship, fresh in his head. âAnd you know what? That's the exact same thing that'll happen to you. Just look how great youâve done this year, with onlyââÂ
âNo, stop it... You don't have to say it backâ you interrupt him, grateful for his encouragement but also realistic. Just a few races are left for you to enjoy being in a title winning team, or simply on a team. Your one-year contract, once again, ticking by in front of your eyes.Â
âI donât have to say it, youâll see itâ he assures you, his confidence radiating in every word. âBut you wonât get tired, youâll want win after win, after winâÂ
You both laugh at that, maybe because it's the truth or because you are both basking in the promise of such futures. Of such fantasies.Â
Silence falls between you, the air grows thick with unspoken words. You gaze into each other's eyes, those familiar galaxies pulling you closer. Why does he have to have such pretty eyes?
And before you know it, you both lean in, the world around you fading away as your lips meet for the first time. Soft, tentative, but with so much want.Â
Max pulls back just a fraction, looking a little breathless, but then he gently nudges you toward your room, his body still hovering close to yours as he keeps the door open.
âThe security cameras...â he chuckles when you glance up at him, clearing the confusion swirling in your eyes.Â
You canât help but smile, the giddiness of the moment washing over you. Unable to resist, you bring him close again, your hand finding its way to his cheek as you lean in, capturing his lips with yours once more.Â
Sometimes, Maxâs media training really does work wonders.Â
When you and Max arrive at the paddock the next afternoon, you feel like you are floating in a bubble of excitement. The usual chaos of race day is buzzing around youâengines roaring, engineers shouting, and the media snapping photosâbut all of that seems distant. You exchange glances filled with unspoken affection, a spark of joy igniting between you at every second you get to spend together. It doesnât matter if itâs during the endless driversâ meeting or the PR duties, itâs nice being nice to him.Â
The media, ever-watchful and ever-mistaken, reads the chemistry as confidence, speculating about the brilliant strategy from Red Bull that has practically secured Maxâs first championship. And yes, thereâs truth to that, but the reality is that Max is simply too happy about finally kissing you.Â
The Dutchman makes a small detour to your driverâs room a couple minutes before you have to head to the track, a mischievous grin spreading across his face when he finds you alone. Without a word, he pulls you in for a quick, sweet kiss, the kind that leaves your heart racing and your cheeks flushed.Â
âWhat was that?â you laugh, your hands playfully resting on his chest as you look up at him, curiosity dancing in your eyes. âDo you do that with Checo too, huh? For good luck?âÂ
âNo, just you,â he replies, his tone light and teasing. Then, he leans down again, his hand caressing your face as he pecks your lips. Â
Yet, just as the kiss deepens, a knock on the door and a voice calls out. The race start.
The race is a delicate balancing act from the moment the lights go out. Max launches into the lead, commanding the front of the grid with the ease of a seasoned champion, while you follow close behind. Every lap is executed with seamless coordination between the two of you, the Red Bulls in perfect sync, widening the gap from the rest of the field. The strategy is clearâavoid the battles, manage the tires, and let the Ferraris and everyone else fight among themselves. Both of you know whatâs at stake: the championship.Â
Your engineer's voice crackles through the radio at intervals, feeding you updates on tire wear, fuel management, and gaps. You can see Max upfront doing the same, his moves calculated and fast. There is no room for errors.Â
The laps tick down, the race dragging into what feels like an endless cycle of corners and straights. But everything changes when you hear the voice of your race engineer again, this time with a note of concern.Â
âCarlos closing in behind. In DRS range.âÂ
Your heart skips a beat, though you keep your hands steady on the wheel. Itâs clear heâs not going to let you both just cruise to victory.Â
Max is still ahead, but you know he's starting to struggle. Heâs been pushing, maybe too hard, and the tire degradation is catching up to him. You can see it in the way his car shifts through the corners, just a little slower, a little more unstable. Heâs giving it everything, but the gap with the Ferrari is closing, and fast.Â
You know the moment is coming. The moment youâll have to make a decision, if they donât make it for you. In the pitwall they seem to have reach the same conclusion, relaying both Max and Carlos gap to you every few seconds.
Carlos makes a try to overtake you, once, twice, without success. You are blocking him perfectly, but canât do so for much longer while you have Max at an arm's length.Â
Your race engineer comes through the radio, again, the tension in his voice this time unmistakable âYou can pushâ.Â
Permission.Â
Your heart sinks. The conversation from yesterday replaying in your mind.Â
As the next lap approaches, you take a deep breath and swing out of the slipstream, pulling alongside Max. Thereâs a brief, silent moment of understanding between you. Itâs not a fight, just necessity. And with a heavy heart, you make the overtake cleanly, taking the lead.Â
You glance in your mirrors again, catching sight of Max falling back. The tires are gone, and the Ferraris are right there to capitalize. Within a lap, Carlos gets by, then Charles. Max is slipping, and you can feel the weight of it settle in your chest.Â
Later in the day, the headlines say you have fed the Lion to the vultures. You knew Max was a hard time and, despite it, you just let go of him. Like deadweight.Â
Thereâs a brief second of silence on the radio before your engineer confirms, âGood job. Keep pushing.âÂ
Now itâs just you, leading the race, with Carlos right on your tail.
The roar of the Ferrari engine fills the space behind you, the threat of him overtaking growing with every lap. You push harder, your tires squealing as you take the corners, doing everything you can to hold onto the lead. But the Ferrari is relentless, inching closer, until finally, in a desperate late-braking move, Carlos gets past you. Almost crashing into your car.Â
The disappointment hits you instantly, but you canât dwell on it. Youâre still in second, still in the running, but the possibility of Max winning the championship slipping away gnaws at you.Â
Lap after lap, you fight to stay close to Carlos, but the gap widens. Max is slipping further back, and by the time the checkered flag waves, heâs dropped to sixth. You cross the line in P2.
After the podium ceremony, youâre guided back to the garage, drenched in champagne but weighed down by disappointment. The team welcomes you back with smiles, their congratulations sincere, but you can see it in their faces âthe unspoken acknowledgment of what just unfolded on track. The championship remains in a limbo.Â
You change into a clean race suit, steeling yourself for the media. The cooldown room had already been hard enough with all those cameras in your face, capturing your every twitch, and youâre not sure how much more you can hold together.Â
You donât really think about it as you make your way to the opposite part of the garage and knock on his door, a hand pressed to your chest.
There's no response. Maybe Max hasnât made it back to the garage.Â
Still, you decide open, just in case.Â
Your eyes widen when you see him, not sure if you are ready to face him. But your heart wills you to take a step inside. Max is sitting in the corner, slumped on the sofa with his head in his hands. The sight hits you hard. Memories from last season, of you sitting in his same exact position, flooding your mind.Â
Without a word, you reach into your suit and pull out the handful of candies you grabbed earlier. Itâs not much, feels silly to do even, but right now it's the only thing you can offer. You place it gently on the table in front of him, just as he had once done for you. Â
Max looks up, his eyes tired but warm. A tight-lipped smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, but it doesnât quite reach his eyes. Â
You try to reciprocate it, yet only a grimace comes out. Â
The engineers and mechanics start calling for you to head to the debrief from outside, and you look at the door and back to Max. You want to give him the same space he gave you, to be as understanding as he had been last year, but you feel rooted to the spot.Â
Max finally speaks, his voice is soft âCongrats on P2.âÂ
âThe first loserâ you correct, with a shrug of your shoulders, a tight smile on your lips. The old joke weighting in your heart.
And Max smiles, for real this time.Â
Thatâs when it all hits you. The weight of the race, the decisions, the pressure âit all crashes down at once. Tears start welling up in your eyes, spilling over before you can stop them. Â
âIâm sorry,â you choke out, your voice breaking. âIâm really sorry Max, I donât want to go back to fighting againâÂ
Max is on his feet in an instant, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into a warm, firm embrace. âItâs alright,â he murmurs, his voice soft in your ear. âItâs not your fault. You did what you had to do. Donât cry, Iâm not mad.âÂ
âBut, I shouldnâtâ, Iââ Â
Max just holds you tighter, sussing your cries, one hand gently stroking your hair as you cry into his chest. Your hands clutch at his fireproof shirt, desperate, like he might slip away if you let go.Â
âAnd I didnât even have nice candies for you! I-â you sob, pulling away from his chest long enough to gesture to the table, your voice catching in your throat. âJust the ones for the throat. This is so bad, Iâm so sorryâÂ
Max eyes widen with surprise as he takes in your teary outburst, a chuckle slipping out of his lips, but thereâs no teasing in it âjust something tender and understanding. Â
âDonât laugh!â you protest, fresh tears brimming in your eyes.Â
âIâm sorry, Iâm sorryâ the driver helplessly smiles, pulling you back against his chest and letting you cry. After a moment, he adds quietly, âIf it means anything, I bought the candies like way before I gave them to you. In a nice store I found"Â
You pull away, confused, your brows furrowing.Â
âWhat?â Max questions with a sheepish smile âYou thought I had a nice bag with your favorite candies just laying around in my room?âÂ
You lower your eyes as you mutter âThought it was from a fan or somethingâ, a pout forming in your lipsÂ
âNo, no... â he shakes his head, rubbing slow circles into your back. âI bought them back in France, after the fight in the parade. I felt really bad about everything that happenedâÂ
Your eyes widen. France? That was weeks before you patched things up last year. Had he been carrying those candies from race to race, just waiting for a chance to fix things between you two?Â
More tears well up, the flood of emotions overwhelming you. âMax, no! Thatâs even worse!âÂ
After a season filled with battles and close calls, Max finally clinches the championship at the Suzuka Grand Prix. Despite your best efforts to keep calm, your excitement betrays you the moment set your eyes on him. Surrounded by the team, the photographers and the fans, basking in the glory of his first title. Â
Without much thinking, you run straight to Max, throwing your arms around him in an embrace thatâs far too enthusiastic to go unnoticed. Max pulls you in without hesitation when he sees you, laughing as you both collapse into each other, overcome with relief, pride, and sheer happiness.Â
The sportscasters on live TV are quick to catch it, chuckling at the scene.Â
âOh, are those..?â one of them wonders, amused.Â
âYeah, they are!â another commentator jumps in, clearly enjoying the moment âDo these two have something to tell us?â Â
That nightâs celebration is truly unforgettable, a whirlwind of champagne, cheers, and heartfelt toasts. The team is overflowing with joy, reveling in the culmination of their hard work, eight years of relentless effort finally paying off in the most spectacular fashion. Laughter rings out as stories are shared, memories of the long nights and tireless preparations flooding back to everyone in the room.Â
Max at the center of it all, his dream come true. His first World Championship. One of many.Â
And although the saying states that misfortunes never come single, it is fortunes that do it this time. A couple weeks later, as you savor every moment left in the Red Bull garage ânestled in your incredible world championship-winning car and with a schedule that perfectly aligns with Maxâs before Checo returnsâ, you find yourself at the top of the grid.Â
Your first win.Â
Itâs exhilarating, the trophy gleaming in your hands as you stand on the top step of the podium, the crowd erupting in cheers below. You can hardly believe it, especially after the uncertainty of whether you would even participate in this season. But here you are, excelling everyone expectations and proving that you deserve to be here. You belong here.Â
However, as sweet as the victory is, thereâs an inevitable bittersweetness when you slip back into the Alpha Tauri race suit. Hanging low on the grid again despite the high expectations everyone has thrown onto you. This is your true seat after all, but the contrast still feels shattering, like waking up from a dream you didnât want to end.Â
Guess you will have to remind yourself of your Wolrd Champion boyfriendâs words: âIt will comeâ. Because one day your name will be etched on that trophy right alongside his. Max is sure of it.Â
The end of the season arrives just a month later, and both Red Bull and AlphaTauri teams gather for their final celebration. A constructors and driverâs championship in their pocket.
Itâs a glamorous night, everyone dressed to the nines. Max looks dashing in his tailored black suit, and you in a long dress that makes you nervous just to walk in. The evening is full of happiness and memories, a fitting end to a thrilling year. Â
After a long round of applause for Max and his championship win, Christian Horner takes the microphone, a grin spreading across his face as he addresses the crowd.Â
âActually, can our newly confirmed driver for Alfa Tauri come up to the stage for a second, please?â he announces, and the room erupts into applause. Your heart skips a beat. Â
No one really knew about your contract extension âtwo more years in the AlphaTauri seat, with the possibility of a return to Red Bull on the horizonâ, so the announcement makes your future with the team feel all the more tangible.Â
You leave your seat to walk towards the stage, confusion written all over your face. You clearly werenât expecting a live announcement, less so bringing you up on the stage for it.
Max leaves the spotlight for a second to come to meet you at the top of the stairs, lending a helping hand.Â
âCan you explain to me what am I doing going up on stage with the world champion?â you whisper. You grip his arm, grateful for the support as you follow him to the center.Â
âWell, bringing the rising star, what else?â Max states like itâs obvious, a smirk tugging at his lips. And then he canât help but whisper âYou look beautifulâÂ
Standing on stage, you feel the nerves tighten in your chest, the weight of all eyes on you suddenly overwhelming as Christian thanks you for your efforts this season. But the team principalâs voice breaks through the buzzing in your ears.Â
âIâll be honest, kid,â he starts, turning toward you with a playful glint in his eye. âIf I knew you were this good, I wouldâve saved myself a lot of calls from Max.âÂ
Laughter erupts from the crowd, and you canât help but smile, shaking your head at Max, who just smirks and shrugs innocently. You didnât know the Dutchman had had such a hand in bringing you into the team.Â
Christian raises his glass, his expression shifting into something more serious. âLadies and gentlemen, I want a round of applause for both of them âour two first-time winners. For many more victories and better ones, if that is even possibleâÂ
Max steps forward, taking your hand and lifting it alongside his, both of you standing together, as winner, first winners. The room erupts in cheers and clapping, the weight of the season finally settling in. You exchange a glance with Max, and in that moment, you both know that this is just the beginning of an incredible adventure together.Â
Author's note: First of all, thank you all so much for reading! I can't thank you enough for the comments and support you gave to First Loser.
I hope you enjoy this ending a lot too. I hadn't even thought of writing a second part but now that I see it, I'll have to give agree with you: it needed a part 2. So thanks for the encouragement! hahaha
(Also thank you to the person who say they wanted to see a reunion with Victoria, I loved writing it)