Everything seemed to go twirl and twirl around him, go in circles with bright colors and louder sounds. He could hear his heart beating in his head, pounding against his skull as he walked towards his dorm. His knees wobbled and he supported himself on the wall as he tried to reach his dorm. No matter how much he walked, the hallway always seem to become longer and longer, making his dorm appear to be a lot farther away than it actually was. With his other hand, he clutched the bottle of Vodka that he had been drinking. It was a school but he could care less about it in that moment. The part of him that was concerned about things like school, grades, dancing suddenly stopped working in his head. Finally, after struggling to get to his dorm, he opened the door and went inside, leaning against the door after he closed it.
Despite the silence and darkness there, he could still hear the sounds and see the colors, he could feel the pain in his head getting stronger as if a knife was been penetrated through his skull and into his brain. Everything hurt. He shut his eyes, strongly for he didn't want to feel that pain anymore and slid down until he was sitting on the floor in the darkness. Lucas had never felt like that before in his life, nor had he ever been so drunk and high. He had done expecting to just forget about everything and ignore the pain that was crushing him, destroying him from the inside out. Unfortunately though, that wasn't happening. Instead, he felt it even more now.It was physical pain now for it seemed as if his head was going to break into millions of pieces and there was suddenly a stinging pain in his hand but he had no idea why that was there.
Very slowly, he opened his eyes and stared into the dark nothingness of his dorm and leaned his head against the wall. He shouldn't have done it, he knew he shouldn't have done it. Yet, he didn't regret it. He didn't regret kissing her, or touching her, he didn't even regret sleeping with her. Ever since that first time that he kissed her, Lucas had felt all sorts of feelings for her and the more he got to know her, the more he felt attracted to her, the more he wanted to be with her. The one thing he regretted though, was cheating on Natalie. He knew Natalie didn't deserve it. Well, she didn't know and he wasn't going to tell her. It didn't matter that he was hurting more than ever, he could hide it whenever Natalie was around. He could pretend, after-all, he was rather good at that.
He hated hurting Chelsey though. He hated the conditions under which he told her how he felt about her. He hated that he was too late. In that moment, painful tears ran down his face, burning their path down his cheek. But as that happened, along with the pain came the anger. He didn't know why he was angry but he was. The stinging pain in his hand was making him even angrier so he looked down at it and was surprised to see that he had a chunk of glass in it. Frowning, he looked around and noticed that the reason for that was that he hadn't realized that he dropped the bottle and it broke. Well, even if the pain was annoying and made him want to break things, he had to admit that the pain was bearable, a lot more bearable than the pain he had been feeling. That was the kind of pain he never wanted to feel again.
So Lucas took off the plaid shirt he was wearing over another white one and pressed it against his hand. He could handle that, it was easy. He could even do that a thousand other times and he wouldn't care. It went away, Lucas was convinced that such pain was going to go away and leave him, eventually. But the one he was feeling was unbearable, it was everywhere. It wasn't only in his chest, it was in his limbs, in his head, in his hands, everywhere. That, along with the sounds and colors in his head were messing with his life a lot more than he thought they would. So with a an angry groan that sounded louder than he had expected, he banged his head against the wall several times before letting it fall on his hands.
Now he was empty, empty and hurting, full of vodka, blood and tears. He had never expected to feel like that but he did. There was nothing left of him there, everything inside was in pieces and his head was about to do the same for the pain was just growing. He didn't care though. Dying actually felt like such a relief but he considered himself a coward. But maybe he really was, for not telling her, for cheating on Natalie, for being a selfish bastard when he knew that keeping her there was going to hurt her. Maybe, after-all, Oliver had been right. Maybe he should just let them be, let him love her. At least he wouldn't hurt her, at least with him she was not going to feel the pain that he was feeling. Maybe he could go to pretending like nothing happen and go back to Natalie.
