It was moments like this that Ela had been basking in. The two of them, cuddled on the couch - for as much time as Mitch could spare amongst his crazy schedule. Still, she didn’t much. She didn’t need constant entertainment or wild adventures, not like she once did living amidst the trees in the wild. No, simply wrapped in his arms with the heat on bust and a thousand blankets over top of her was as close to paradise as she could get at this point. It was exactly what she was expecting when Mitch had showered and made his way back to her as she scrolled through one of the million streaming services available. She began to get comfortable, leaving her thin frame against him as she made some offhand comment about how there were too many options to choose from. The moment Mitchell gently took the remote from her, however, a confused expression washed over her features and she found herself leaning up into forward posture so she could see what was up.
Then he spoke. And she knew. And a boulder size lumped formed in her chest as her gaze fell. She had been avoiding this conversation for months, doing a damn good job of changing the subject and keeping things light. Avoidance had been her foolproof way to come and honestly? Part of her had hoped, maybe Mitch would just refuse to comply with his fathers demands. At this moment? It didn’t seem like the case. He wanted an answer. Yes or no.
She stood up, unwrapping herself from blankets, suddenly feeling frustrated. Then overwhelmed. Then sad. Then overwhelmed again. All in a 10 second time frame. Maybe she should just say, screw it - she could commit to all this couldn’t she? She was strong. She was brave. She survived worse than a demanding position of power and a cruel possible father-in-law. She could bare it. And perhaps that was true. Perhaps that would have been her rationing, if Mitchell had decided one day that Ela was his one and only and this marriage had been an idea forged from his own love for her. Reckless, fast paced love affairs ran in her family after all. That, she could rationalize.
But the legality of it all? The cold contractual obligation and the fact that Mitch’s question felt more like a business proposal than anything else left her feeling uneasy. It was laced with responsibility. Mitch had already show he would sacrifice his own happiness out of duty, but could she?
“I don’t —” crossing her arms over herself as if to protect herself from this topic, she shook her head. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” She could immediately feel herself getting emotional, now. Because she was being cornered. He was on a time limit, and so was she consequently. Slowly coming back to him, a shaky hand took his. It was becoming more and more obvious by the gloss forming under her eyes that her answer wasn’t one that would be celebrated. “Mitch, I love you.” she confessed for the very first time as the tears that had pooled behind her eyes fell just as fast as they came. She had for a while now, whether she acknowledged it or not. She had been crazy about him since that first day he had taken a seat across from her in the coffee shop. When they were just two college students worried about parties and deadlines. And because she loved him, she had to be honest with him.
So, she was practically begging him now. Don’t make put this on me. Don’t make this my decision. Don’t make me say it. “ I don’t want to lose you.”
He could see the second his words registered within her, and it was fucking heartbreaking to see the way her face fell. The clear tug and pull going on within her. He assumed it was similar to the one going on within him. Gods he wanted to be with Ela. He loved her, he had been aware of it for some time. He just... he couldn’t say it, not with their future so unclear. But the fact of the matter was, he wouldn’t be upset if she decided to say yes. To agree to an engagement and rule by his side. He knew it was fast, much faster then both would’ve liked, but fuck they fought for this relationship. For each other. How could they just forget it? But he also knew just how incredibly selfish all of that was. To just expect Ela to agree to being Queen and throw away any plans or expectations she had set for herself. To devote her life to the crown. It wasn’t something he’d wish on anyone, especially not the women he loved. So he had refused to push. To prod. He didn’t want her to feel forced into a decision. But the time to decide was coming to an end and they needed to figure this out. He wouldn’t be upset, if she chose to say no. But he’d be so fucking happy if she said yes.
“Hey, hey.” He murmured, following her as she stood and quickly taking her hands in his own. “Ela I don’t want you to say anything you don’t want to say. I want you to do what you want, and what’s best for you. I’m sure that’s not easy to hear, but I understand this is a huge decision. I know how scary it all is. And I promise you, if you don’t want it, I get it. I want you with me, but please, please don’t feel forced to say yes. Be selfish.” Because he couldn’t, and it would kill him to know later down the line, if she decided to agree, she’d one day regret it. He couldn’t live with that.
He wrapped his arms around her tightly. Her statement held weight to it, and deep down he knew what this mean. This wasn’t the words of a girl who was going to accept his proposal. This was the words of a girl who didn’t want to, but didn’t want to lose him as well. She was saying no, even if she had yet to actually say it. “You won’t lose me, Ela. I’m always going to be here.” Even if we’re not together. He didn’t need the speak the words for them to be known.
He wanted nothing more then to tell her he loved her back. But that was unfair to both of them. To make such a declaration when they didn’t have a future. It was cruel. “I just need to know what you want. And if you don’t want this, it’s fine.” He’d be fine, eventually.
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