Everyone has a plot and a story to his or her life, as twisted or complex as they may seem. We all wish to tell it with clarity, or to clearly show how unclear it all is. Not all share the talent of the ability to do so, and I cannot vouch for my own in the matter; however, my aim is to convince you, whomever you may be, that I can do such a thing.
My story is very narrow, and my perceptions are 100% mine and at most 75% the same with any other individual. I was born in 1993. I have faced the 'end of the world' multiple times - Y2K, the Mayan's 2012, and who knows what else. I live in a time where the end is always upon us, the end could happen anytime. Nuclear weapons all around, not the talk of the time, but definitely a thought that lingers on my mind. In elementary school, people fell from towers on 9/11/2001; in middle school, textbooks taught me the names Fat Man and Little Boy; in high school, thoughts lingered on Columbine, on VTech, and in college came Aurora and CT school shootings. Every day, the world ends for someone, and in this day, no one denies it. Death is a thing, life is a thing, and it's wrong to say life and death, like life always comes before death, like that's the order of things and how it really is. Ends and beginnings happen all the time, but time is always going. Or time doesn't go. Time is, all at once. Chronology loses its meaning; it loses its importance. Death isn't an end, the end of the world isn't the end of history, and birth is no beginning. I am in a time when the end is always, but everyone continues anyway. The end isn't a thing anymore - there are only frays and incompleteness and ellipses.
I was valedictorian in high school. It's not important to name where, because when you tell people these sort of things, they don't care where from. They care only that I have that title, though its worth does vary, but only those that carry it know so. Sophomore year in college was my first non-4.0 semester, which was one of the greatest moments of relief so far. When you fall down a little, the pressure is dropped to be at the top. And that's when you can really flourish. I'm mixed race, Filipino and German, though I lack any tie to my roots - besides the food my mom cooks. Americanized to the core, my world view is limited and ever so slowly expanding, through books and television. What publishers and producers permit me to read and watch, I learn. I'm also gay. It's important to something. Having to declare my sexuality, to see myself differently, to recognize that I'm different, to recognize the 'norm' that I'm differing from, I learned more about myself, about my nature and my capacity to love. And how to treat love when I have it. And to know when I don't have it. Four plus years of being out and I am still learning myself as I try to dissociate the connection between love and sex. They aren't the same thing, but people treat sex as a knot in the string, a declaration of this love thing. It just can't be true for everyone. At least, it's not true for me.
Politics are not my thing. I think my lack of interest comes from my inability to effectually change everything for the better, since I do not have knowledge on the issues, on the different sides, not do I have the motivation to spend time knowing it all. ... For a moment, I read a text message and sent a reply, and in doing so, lost my train of thought. This is the beginning of a beginning, but the beginning of nothing too. I am the continuation of what has gone on for so long, and this beginning is just part of my lifeline, and it begins nothing. It merely marks an event which I think doesn't mean it began anything. At some time, we will continue this specific continuation. Till then, on we go.
