I'm just another human on the other side of the world with my own struggles with disability and mental health, both internal and external.
Focus on the good memories of your brother. Write them down if you can, and ask others to do the same. Every person has thousands of facets, and everyone who knew him has the chance to be a mirror to show his light from another angle.
Grieve, but don't let the grief damage you. Self care is important now more than ever. If you don't have someone to handle meals for you do a big meal prep day so you have easy calories when you need them.
Avoid doomscrolling, petty parasocial drama, and hate bait algorithms, if you're not directly interacting with friends or doing a comforting activity, put the phone away. Read a book you've been putting off, or one that you loved but haven't touched in years. Draw a still life or a landscape, compose a poem or a song. At the very least, spend half an hour a day outside or by a window for that vitamin D.
Every human has experienced tragedy, most multiple times. But we have defeated many tragedies, and many more are slowly being hunted all the way back to the roots. Big tragedies have been leashed or eliminated, Smallpox, leprosy, diabetes, the black plague, even many forms of cancer. Even the small tragedies of a developmental or mental disorder, that more often hurt a life through the social impact, are being solved one life and lesson at a time. Do what you can to prevent that tragedy in the future, but remember that it's a long campaign against an enemy that does not tire, you are not alone. A donation in his name, some time volunteering, preparing aid packages or protest signs, they are all effective ways to add your snowflakes to the pile that will eventually be an avalanche of change.
Avoid those people who are eager to blame him or use tragedy to recruit people to their cause. Arguing with them won't change their minds and just ruin your own mental health. Even if you are religious, choose secular, evidence based councilling services first.
Avoid alcohol, non prescribed drugs, and a disordered diet as much as you can, they might be tempting, but at best they just delay the grief process and at worst can become an unhealthy coping mechanism.
Thank you so so much for this. I've kind of been feeling lost as to what to do with myself. It means so much that you did this for me. I'm following you now 💚
