City of Angels

Castiel. Angel of the Lord. Warrior. Watcher of humanity. rp purposes only |18+ material may occur | Disclaimer and more info about verses and rules in the about, please go read that.

[itsthefallenone]

So I know I promised I would be back soon...

But life has kept me incredibly busy.

However! I am willing to ease into the rp’ing again through dm’s. If you want you can message me or like this post.

I’ll probably message some of you as well, especially the people I used to thread with all the time.

Just so you know.

[itsthefallenone]

I miss you :(

I'll be back soon. I promise.

[itsthefallenone]

“You don’t have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom. And i still believe that’s something worth fighting for.”

“You know I chose freedom, brother... and look where it got me. Though, I wouldn’t want to exchange it for anything. Making my own destiny is the best thing I’ve ever learned to do.”

[itsthefallenone]

deanwinchesterobeys:

“Nobody should’ve have to live like this though.” He said after a moment of silence; because there it was: his general dissatisfaction towards their life. Hunting, being on the road and eating crappy food - that was all fine, he didn’t knew differently. But dying over and over again, knowing the next call from your brother could never come, saving and causing pain from the world.. It left traces on him. Sometimes he wondered how any of them still had a soul, how they still qualified to carry one.

It’d been a bitter answer, a pointless one too. As much as he wanted a break, wanted out of this horrible routine and just.. live, he knew it wasn’t possible and by now, Dean might not even be able to live normally anymore. This life had shaped him, but probably all of them. “The feeling is mutual, Castiel. I wouldn’t hesitate if I’d to choose.” Whether Dean knew what Cas felt behind those words or not, he agreed to them; felt the same bound towards the angel. It’d always been there, the ‘profound bound’ as Castiel had called it once. Over the years he’d come to regret that there hadn’t been more normal moments between them to actually build a friendship up - not that there wasn’t one; hell, it was strong - just.. he’d have liked to show all the human things to the other, make him understand and feel certain things. What did that say about them?

He was aware that nobody around him would agree with him, they were all happy that he was human again and he throughoughly understood them. “It’s not even about that. It’s the freedom. No duties, no limits. Just.. being. Doing what feels good. Living. Pure and raw. Kind of like in purgatory but without the hopeless fear. We both know I won’t go back to either of those but the urge is there. Perhaps immature to just wanting to flee, Castiel, but it’s there. Even if just for a moment of peace.”

“It’s not immature...” the angel replied quietly. He knew exactly how the hunter felt, because what the other described was what Castiel wanted as well. They both had the weight of the world on their shoulders, they have both destroyed so many things but they also did many good things. The guilt sometimes ate Castiel alive and he was sure it was the same for Dean. In fact, he never thought he deserved to be saved.

The angel kept quiet again for a while, just looking at Dean, his own mind going a thousand miles an hour to keep his thoughts from getting distracted by the hunter’s face.

“How about we get out for a while then? I’m sure Sam can handle stuff for the moment.” it’s been awfully quiet lately “and we can do whatever we want to.” The words flew out of Castiel’s mouth on impulse. He hadn’t even thought about whether this idea would work or not or if Dean even wanted something like this, but it was the closest they would get to getting some freedom. Just hitting the road with no destination, no obligations. The world could be theirs for just that small moment.

[ilmonstrodifirenze-deactivated2]

Angelo e Demone

[itsthefallenone]

ilmonstrodifirenze:

Hannibal simulated resignation, while curiosity bubbled inside his mind like boiling water. There was something quite unusual about Castiel, a palpable sense of power and otherworldly energy radiating from his body, an aura of potency that filled the air around them like a suffocating blanket.

He ignored the other’s remark concerning the food, already bored of that part of their conversation like a cat who has had its fill of fidgeting with an uninteresting ball of yarn, only to focus upon his guest’s increasing discomfort. It appeared as if both of them sensed that there was something more than met the eye with the other, which pleased Hannibal to some extent: He hasn’t had someone to play with for quite some time and Castiel seemed a promising opponent enough in a contest of minds.

“ Creatures?” he asked innocently, head cocking to one side to emphasize his intrigue 

There was something in Castiel’s tone that hinted at more than your usual pack of wolves or the occasional rabid coyote that needed to be put down for the safety of the citizens. Which in itself sounded like awful news to Hannibal’s ears. From what he could gather with the little information he had been given, the man before him was either a modern bounty hunter or a private detective. And in both cases, it meant that the good doctor was either in danger of being exposed or simply faced with another predator. And neither of those theories sat well with his self preservation instinct and carefully cultivated ego. He was not in the mood of changing locations just yet and it was a well knows fact that he wasn’t fond of intruders on his hunting ground.

“ What kind of creatures are we discussing here, Mr Castiel? “ he inquired almost sweetly, hand clutching the butter knife in his hand “ Humanoid creatures?” this time, his hollow voice rang ominously in the room, without him having raised his tone even one bit.

Shit.... The angel thought to himself. Why did he always have to be so eager to talk? Maybe he should learn to think about the words he would use when speaking to somebody. “oh well, you know... Animals and such.” he tried to get himself out of it but somehow knew the other wouldn’t have any of it.

Castiel had already used his senses to scan the man in front of him and had concluded he was, in fact, fully human. But he couldn’t help but to notice how the other got so nervous over this. He squinted his eyes lightly before offering Hannibal a gentle smile and getting up from his seat and already taking a few steps towards the door. “Thank you for being so kind but I have other things to do, so if you don’t mind I really would like to call my friend now.” he had no idea how long it would take Dean to get there. Maybe he was just better off taking a bus.

His bright blue eyes shifted quickly around the room again, like he was looking to find something, though he didn’t know what he was looking for. Maybe a quick way out? Or a sign the other was a witch? He just knew he wanted to get away from this place as fast as he could.

[itsthefallenone]

I’ve had a rough week, filled with anxiety, a massive panic attack and sleepless nights. I’ll try to get to replies as quick as I can. Thank you all for being so patient <3

[itsthefallenone]

deanwinchesterobeys:

Dean turned his head back to Cas when he heard his voice; suddenly being hyper-aware of the touch on his shoulder and pressed his lips tightly together. There was so much honest care in those blue eyes, never pity but just worry. Something that was endlessly valuable to him. When he saw the other like this, his own chest clenched because he was the reason for the angel being this worried. The hunter wanted to give somethign back, anything, to make him feel better too. To somehow express how much it meant - he didn’t know how though.

“Cas, I…” he sighed as well, frustrated by his own incompetence to articulate what he felt. “I appreciate what you do for me, for us, I hope you know that.” It was nothing comparing to the warm feeling in his chest but the closest he found to describe it. “You say I’m not broken, and it means a lot that you actually think that but.. there are pieces of me gone lost on the path. Holes in my chest that won’t be filled again. I can deal with violence, angst and the risk to die every day, that’s okay. But seeing their faces.. the look in their eyes when they took their last breath because I couldn’t save them.. John, Bobby, Charlie.. and so many more. I don’t know how to deal with it, how to shake it off. I wouldn’t deserve to but it feels like.. like I cannot breathe properly anymore with these empty spaces in my chest..” A naive attempt to make the other understand and more honest words than he’d probably spoken in the last thirty years to anyone.

“There’s no good anymore. Yes, of course it’s worth because we save others and we fight the bad, but.. what are one or two people more or less? There’s nothing to see forward to. Being a demon… It was dangerous because it showed me that there is another way to live, a possibility to get out of this. How bad am I for wanting it back?” his voice was low and he desperately wanted something to cling to but there was nothing. He knew many of these topics were neve talked about, it hurt all parties involved..

“You can’t save everyone, Dean...” the angel said in a futile attempt tomake it sound like he was trying to comfort his friend. “I know. I’ve killed my own brothers and I’ve let them fall from Heaven... We’ve both done some terrible things to the people we love, but you can’t forget that they forgive you.” Castiel didn’t look away from the hunter. “Charlie, Bobby, Kevin... they all hgave their life because they cared about you, because they loved you... I mean, Sam’s died for you a few times as well and I wouldn’t even hesitate to give my life for you as well.”

And there it was. Castiel had never actually spoken the words and it was almost as equal as saying I love you unconditionally which wasn’t a lie, to be completely fair. Seeing and hearnig how Dean beat himself up and made himself feel guilty angered the angel in some way, but he understood because that’s what he did for himself as well.

The feeling of wanting to give Dean hope soon turned into feeling like he got stabbed with his angel blade in his chest. He remembered the time Dean was a demon so well and he could still recall how it made him feel when he looked at the hunter’s face back then. How Dean’s face which he had grown so fond of had turned into something dark and twisted, something he never associated with the elder Winchester. He remembered the feeling of joy when he got his Dean back and now he heard how he wanted it back.

“Dean...” Castiel said, his voice sounded a lot shakier than I had anticipated, starting at the other in disbelief. “I can understand that being a demon took away most human emtions, but...” he couldn’t even finish the sentence.

[stardustcas]

6x21; 9x10; 11x10

[temistiel]

stophurtingcas2k15: Week Two |  Favourite Outfit or Physical Feature

[itsthefallenone]

deanwinchesterobeys:

Those were words he’d heard before; Sam occasionally spoke them to him as well. Sometimes one of them needed reassurement in that what they did was worth it, everyone had their doubts from time to time. They didn’t felt soothing to him, rather they were there to put him back on his feet, to function. Which he would eventually, always had and always will. Still. “Yeah, I know.” he said quietly, not wanting to seem ungrateful, knew that Cas was meaning well.

It didn’t look like victory to him that he was still standing here; he’d lost almost every single person he loved on the way and even though they’d saved the world, both of them had caused the end of it repeadly as well. It wasn’t an even bill. “I know, I’m supposedly strong, and of course I’ll keep doing what we do. I’d never leave you two hanging, I just…” It felt pointless to go on about it, to describe it even more dramatic to make Castiel understand. Maybe it was better if nobody knew.

“It’s not important. There are just bad days like today.” Dean replied as easily as he could, silent about the fact there hadn’t been any good days anymore. That drinking seemed like the only good thing. That the urge to run off with Crowley was growing each day. That being a demon was the best thing in his fucking life. That he didn’t deserve to sit here next to Castiel, not after what he’d done. “It’ll be okay tomorrow,” smiled slightly, eyeing into his cup but the coffee was empty already.

Castiel just knew that what he was saying wasn’t making Dean feel any better, even though the word she spoke were sincere. He used to always know what made the other feel better, but lately, the angel hardly managed to read the hunter very well. “Ofcourse it’s important, Dean.” Castiel said, his voice even more serious now. He knew how Dean had the urge to bottle everything up until it explodes and he does things he might regret later on.

It seemed to be a collective bad day at the bunker today. The angel still had his hand on Dean’s shoulder when he locked eyes with him, but before he could say anything, Dean had looked down at his empty cup of coffee.

A sigh escaped Castiel’s lips. He didn’t like knowing he wasn’t able to cheer the hunter up, and he hated the fact that he wouldn’t open up to him more. “Dean... I’ve learned from my time as a human that it’s not easy. You feel stuff a lot different than angels do. Even though I won’t fully understand it, I know how it feels now and I also know what it does to you.”

The angel didn’t know if anything he was sayign was making sense and if it even helped, but he couldn’t just let the man he cared so much for beat himself up like that.

“Do you want to go do something fun?” he suddenly suggested, hoping it would somehow take their minds off things.”

[katteens]

― Maya Angelou

[itsthefallenone]

deanwinchesterobeys:

Usually this was the other he was looking for; an easy yes to doing what he liked but for some reason it was rather unsettling right now. With honest confusion written on his face his gaze was stuck another few seconds on Cas’ face. Why again did the air feel to thick? Letting go of the remote, he swallowed thickly and eventually turned his head back into the general direction of the TV. Couldn’t stare at the other forever, even if a few years back, Castiel seemed to do that to him just fine. Still, this was an angel sitting next to him without knowledge of social rules, couldn’t exactly say the same about himself.

Just when his mind was loosing itself to pointless thoughts again, his friend’s voice cut through it, sharply, directly approaching the topic. There his chance was then, and even though he already felt guilty for even considering talking about himself rather than what was going on with Cas, he took a deep breath. “It’s…” he broke the sentences off, because where was he supposed to start? It always felt so ridiculous when he thought about speaking the things out that were in him. Unconsciously his hand clenched around his own knee as his eyes wandered around nervously.

“I think.. I think something is broken in me, Cas. Something that cannot be fixed. I feel like that for a long time, but..” another gulp. “pretending it’s not only makes it worse and.. I don’t know where to go. My skin is crawling, and I’m afraid what will happen when I cannot hold back anymore.. I think about leaving to.. to not do something to you two.” his eyes were back on the angel, intently.

Castiel didn’t look away from Dean, as if he was afraid something bad would happen if he let him out of his sight. He knew the other was feeling bad, but he never dared to dream it was this bad. Hearing the words come out of the hunter’s mouth made the angel’s heart hurt. He blamed himself for not being there more for his friend, for not taking the time to figure out how he was really feeling because he was too busy blaming himself for everything bad happening in the world.

“Dean...” he spoke in his deep voice, his brow furrowed lightly, staying silent for a few moments to find the right words.. “You’re not broken, Dean. I know that you don’t think you deserve to be saved or to be happy. But you’ve come so far, faced all these things and you’re still standing.” Castiel layed his hand on the hunter’s shoulder, right where the angel’s handprint was when he pulled the other out of hell. “I’ve been on this earth for a couple of years now and you’re the strongest human I’ve ever encountered. I even dare to say you’re stronger than some angels.” and with some angels he obviously meant himself.

The angel didn’t know if his words would make Dean feel better, but he couldn’t just be silent. He wanted the hunter to know he was important to him. Just the very thought of losing Dean made Castiel want to drive his own angel blade through his chest. “plus, you help a lot of people as well...” he added.

[nadiea]

[trexdita--a-blog]

absenceofbreath:

—the king’s men, nora sakavic

[itsthefallenone]

a-murder-of-muses:

She nodded lightly, not allowing herself to be afraid, though inside she was trembling. She’d seen what angels could do, and the fact she’d just challenged one was probably a mistake. 

“His name is Jhoan. He told me he was the only angel he knew of to have been human,” she explained. “It’s a long story…. but he’s helping me find the demon that killed my family.”

@itsthefallenone

“well, he’s a liar.” Castiel immediatly said. “I’ve been human for serveral weeks when Metatron stole my Grace.” The look in his eyes was hard, yet soft at the same time. There was nothing more that the angel wanted than being reunited with his siblings. To have things back to the way they were a long time ago. But due to his own actions and mistakes, Castiel knew that would never happen.

“How’d you meet him...?”

[rp-memes-n-things]

Supernatural Sentence Starters

“I wish i couldn’t feel a damn thing.” “Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.” “I think i’m adorable” “I lost my shoe” “I’m sorry i haven’t hung up the “Hang in there” kitty poster yet, ____” “Please accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity” “Kids ain’t supposed to be grateful! They’re suppose to eat your food, break your heart!” “And you’re… well, i’m sure you have a wonderful personality, dear.” “Dude, you fugly.” “I found a liquor store, and i drank it.” “You fudgin’ touch me again i’ll fudgin’ kill you!” “I’m not going to die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.” “You better take care of that car or i swear i’ll haunt your ass!” “No one in the history of torture’s been tortured with the torture like the torture you’ll be tortured with.” “Not you, or me. ____ of course is an abomination. We’ll just have to find someone else.” “Dude. You’re not gonna poke her with a stick!” “___, we’ve talked about this. Personal space?” “We’re all going to hell. Might as well enjoy the ride.” “I’m the oldest which means i’m always right.” “You don’t have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom. And i still believe that’s something worth fighting for.” “Hey, assbutt!” “I swear the next person who ask’s me if i’m okay, i’m going to start throwing punches.” “Well boohoo, I’m sorry your feelings are hurt, Princess.” “__, you’re my brother, and i love you, but you’re a great big bag of dicks.” “Let me tell you, whoever said ___ was the dysfunctional one has never seen you with a sharp object in your hands.” “I hope your apple pie is freakin’ worth it!”

[reclusiveq]

awesome fanart by Wuyemantou

[ilmonstrodifirenze-deactivated2]

Angelo e Demone

[itsthefallenone]

ilmonstrodifirenze:

The discourtesy of Castiel’s answer to his gesture of sharing his food with the other prompted Hannibal’s lips to thin imperceptibly for the slightest moment, before his mien adopted a pensive expression. His guest seemed to have an almost child like quality to his speech, very honest and very blunt and even his suspicious glare was somewhat naive and straightforward. However what was even more surprising was that Castiel didn’t seem to suffer from any sort of mental disorder usually associated with this kind of peculiar behavior. Rather, he truly resembled a curious newborn still discovering the world. The tentative way in which Castiel sipped from the cup of coffee as if searching for a trace of poison didn’t escape Hannibal either, and it betrayed a sort of rudimentary intelligence triggered by the potent instinct of self preservation.

All in all, Castiel was an interesting individual and the air of exotic fascination he exuded was the only saving factor from Hannibal’s murderous inclinations.

“ No, no, no Mr. Castiel…” he chided, as if he were speaking to a child “ You are my guest and I am your host, which means that the food I offer you should be seen as a token of friendship. I share with you my bread and salt, so to speak. You should not give it away so thoughtlessly. It is quite rude to.”

After taking a sip from his own coffee, Hanibal then proceeded to cut a piece of sausage with an elegant movement of his wrist before puncturing it with the fork and tucking it in his mouth. Eyes fluttering shut in delight at the perfectly balanced spiciness of the dish, he reflected on the nature of his perfectly selected meat:  Mrs Clark, a waitress who had been discourteous enough to roll her eyes at him, had a bitter quality of the flesh that complimented perfectly the sweetness of the fried eggs and brioche.

“ Tell me,  Mr. Castiel, what do you do for a living.” the genuine interest in the other’s occupation prompted Hannibal to lean slightly forward on his chair. “ I believe it fair that you should share this information with me since I have done so only a few moments ago.”

The angel kept a tight grip onto the cup of coffee in his hands, as if it was something that grounded him. He still wondered how he ended up in this most uncomfortable situation and if he should do anything about it. He could always walk home... even though it would take him a couple of days. Maybe take a bus? If only he still had his wings. His eyes shifted over the table and he finally got a good look at the man sitting in front of him. He gave off a weird vibe and Castiel made sure he had his angel blade close in case he would need it.

The shade of blue from his eyes slowly changed along with the lighting as the sun climbed higher in the sky. He didn’t look away from the man. “No, really. It would be wasted, you see... I don’t eat.” he explained without giving away too much detail about his nature and hoped the man - Hannibal wouldn’t question it too much. The smell of the food alone gave him a sense of disgust, which was strange since he never had that before. It also didn’t smell like any of the food he encountered in diners along the road.

Castiel shifted uncomfortably in his chair, soaking up his surroundings and letting his senses scan the house, mapping out every window and door. Just in case.

“I euhm... I’m work with hunters.” it wasn’t a lie “I help them find creatures who harm people and we get rid of them. We move from town to town, helping the people there.” it was only a very brief description of what he did, but the angel figured he shouldn’t tell the whole story to a mere stranger he’d probably would never encounter again.