dump of thoughts

emo talkz

[ittypittylitty]

I just feel that people with mental health issues don't really get anyone romantically,they just try to love themselves for the rest of their lives.

[ittypittylitty]

An Epilogue to Us.

It's been a year since I met you.And 9 months since you went to That city. And today you are not here in my city. You are someplace else with your new friends and new life.

I met our mutuals today and GOD did I miss you so much. I don't know but I am right now romanticizing you. I felt so much seen when you were around. You knew when I was zoning out and you knew when I felt excluded. You may not be the guy for me but you were such a good friend. I just missed you so much.

I also know that so much time has passed you would have found your tribe. You would have lost majority of attachment with me. And thats the sad part of it.

I now feel excluded in all of my friendships. That's the saddest part about it. I lost connection with so many people but loosing the connection with you is the most painful one. K is also no longer present. I just feel so lost? Idk N this may sound silly but I thought I found my potential home in you. Even as a friend. I really felt seen,heard amd respected so much. I wish you never went there. Ik it's for your betterment you went there but sometimes I think you being here would have so much more sense.

Well this is what life is. I lost you. Forever. And I can't do anything about it.

[ittypittylitty]

It's my 1 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Wow amazing.

[ittypittylitty]

Hello. This is basically my notes app but make it social version so yeah bear with me while I may post the most depressing stuff(it's a possibility).

Growing up I was somewhat a very sad person. The one who always had internal monologues of self criticism, d*ath and a lot of anxiety. I was a straight A student by the way. Which honestly kind of sucked. I used to think(still think) that in order to get love from others I need to perform well in school. I did. I also used to think and was actually told by my close family members that in order to get friends you should be good in studies. And to make matters worse my father had some career problems due to which me and my family had to move a lot in my initial years of childhood. So guess who was the new kid in class who was borderline bullied and was an outcast for the most time in the schools. In such situations I would definitely cry myself to sleep as I missed my old friends and found solace in books,art and music. But that was also pretty restricted as I had to study a lot to be on top of my class(to get friends remember? )

After school I was advised to take up a good degree for college and so for the most part my high school sucked coz I had to work hard 3 times more than what I used to do to get the desired college. But I guess this is all a part of life I guess.

Skipping the college part coz it was covid anyway so more mental health issues guys. Took up the most academically challenging course of this world and oh lord did I suffer. I was terrible. I was sad depressed anxious everything. I failed thrice. Gave my best in my third attempt. Miserably failed. Had the breakdown of my life. Decided to leave it. Well it's been bad. I have been crying constantly. I loved the course structure and even got attached to it,but it wasn't serving me anyway so what's the point of it?

So yeah for me I have always been a sad person. So the phrase "it gets better" somewhat doesn't work for me anymore. Life is hard I get it. But it's been like that for me forever. I am more s*icidal these days. Thinking that what's point of this anyway? It's a bad black void in my head. It's heavy. I am lost. Maybe I am a ghost now just existing for the mere reason of existing. There's love too. I am so much aware about people caring. But for me personally what's the point anyway? I think I will always be a sad person. Maybe life is all about sadness. Maybe there's peace in the afterlife. Maybe the knife looks sweeter,the fan more welcoming and the terrace railing calling in for a loving hug. I hope the suffering ends. This headache..it's ends.

[ittypittylitty]

there are these days when i feel liberated in love and then there are these days where i suffer in love and i don't know which is real and which is not.

[ittypittylitty]

When Kaifi Khalil said "tere aane ki khusboo,tere jaane ka manzar, tujhe milna padega vo zamana hua" and "hai Tamanna humein tumhe dulhan banaye,tere haathon mai mehndi apni naam ki sajaye" and "hai Tamanna humein tumhe apna banaye" all i ever wanted was someone to sing these lines to me and istg i will be theirs forever and ever.

[sansilogy]

boys with soft & fluffy hair and softness in their hearts. you're my favorite.

[noodle-manchurian-deactivated20]

she was mai tera part of kalank but he was love storiyan in kesariya

[reshmizulfein-deactivated202212]

my friends are going out abroad for college, to live their lives the european/american way and sometimes i want to go too, but, no. i want to live my life like my grandmother did, i want to wear suits and saarees and jhumkas and bindis only to go out on a crowded street to have samosas. i want to go to gurudwaras, mandirs, masjids, churches. i want to be able to speak my first language without hesitation and i want to be able to listen to baaraats on roads and jagratas at 4 am. i want to be woken up by the cry of the kabaadi wala in the morning. i dont want to go to the grocery store, instead want the sabji vala to come with his thela. i want to be able to go to purani dilli just so i can admire the old houses and jama masjid and laal qila. i want to visit monuments so that i can marvel at the architecture which was made so long ago but feels so familiar. i want to have chai at the tapri. i want to travel in rickshaws and dance at bollywood bangers playing on loudspeakers. i want to fall in love with a boy in a kurta. i want him to fall in love with me while i sway my georgette dupatta. i want to talk to all the dada jis reading newspapers in the morning. i want to spread achaar on my terrace. i want to do all of that. i want to live life the indian way. because that's where home is.

[disgusted-with-myself]

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk through my garden forever.”

— Alfred Lord Tennyson  (via wordsnquotes)

[pmxg12]

“You talk to someone everyday and can’t imagine your life without them, then suddenly you don’t talk anymore and all you have left is your memories…”

— (via allofme-or-noneofme)

[pmxg12]

“Let’s ignore each other, and try to pretend the other doesn’t exist. But deep down, lets know it wasn’t supposed to end like this.”

— (via kushandwizdom)

[quotationsworld]

He’s forbidden fruit, and I’m Eve standing in front of the apple.

— Jessica Clare

[howifeltabouthim]

“To be together, we would have to live somewhere in the middle, and no middle exists between the fantasy and the real.”

— Soman Chainani, from Beasts and Beauty

[sweet-child-of-night]

if the story is over, why am I still writing pages?

[sweet-child-of-night]

You’re everything I want, but I can’t deal with all your lovers

[februarytales]

It's a shell.

We're long gone.

Forever has an end.

And time is no more.

Just a small speck of sky.

A large drop of ocean.

Secrets ageless with history.

Promises that speak of betrayal.

Old paintings hung, forgotten.

Letters cramped under the bed.

A flower that wilts on the sill.

A song that died on the lips.

Fading colours behind the mirror.

Longings in the wind, whispered in desperation.

It's an end, like all good things must face.

Atleast we tried.

But what a tragic attempt that was.

For eternities to come,

they'll talk about the lovers

who almost had it.

But almost is never enough.

And so they'll say,

to be young and in love is a beautiful thing.

And we'll watch,

in pity from the shadows.