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shit umby has said pt. 2

“ i feel like my life revolves around ‘ should i make bacon ‘ “

“ YOU GUYS ARE SO STUPID “

“ i proceeded to eat an entire bag of chips right after “

“ I live alone now “

“ theres someone outside yelling, ‘ its lit! ‘ what the fuck is going on “

“ ugly ass potato w giant trees for legs “

“ needless to say I now know where to get chocolate “

“ nah ill just die in the rubble if anything “

“ im gonna fuckin call him / her “ * waits a second * ” omfg he / she didn't pick up. rude as fuck “

“ wait WHAT THE FUCK. IS THIS A GIANT CUBE OF MOCHI? “

“ stop touching your face “

“ asshole confirmed “

“ do i even have good qualities “

“ i only take selfies to show off my lion hair “

“ i feel like you’re lying or something “

* makes monotonous buzzing noises *

“ i am no longer petting the dog so i guess im just sitting here blankly lmao “

* fucking flEXES MY MUSCLES * “ GONNA TAKE ALL YER GYMS “

“ [ insert name ] is the type of person that would quietly whisper ‘ eat shit ’ when a person tripped “

“ once i get enough candy i will “

“ that's traumatic as fuck “

“ concept: food is a drug “

“ i kinda just want to lie here and degrade “

“ the children are too pure save them “

“ my eyes are big, wanna see ? “

“ why is this one wifi network called The Porn Pathway “

“ i regret ? having eyes “

“ waIT DICKS “

“ WAIT I GOT IT I'M GOING TO DO THE CHEESIEST THNIG “

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shit umby has said pt. 1

“ delete me “

“ I CANT GET MY POINT ACROSS “

“ wow that was a bad accusation “

“ use the fruit machine “

“ throw a dart and see who it lands on“

“ i need.... personal experience “

“ hey can you do me a flavor. “

“ i dragged him / her to hell  “

“ I think I'm fine “

“ whats an emotion “

“ i have a quick, dumb question “

“ im a fucking dumpster “

“ that's a Lie “

“ im so tired help “

“ oh my god how am i even supposed to get myself known “

“ do i look like i hate myself “

“ i feel like im faking “

“ i just need really dumb shit to say “

“ I'm gonna end up cooking 5 strips of bacon and I'm not even upset “

“ i'm honestly gay for balls on belts “

“ and he hates chicken so he died hungry “

“ yeah man eat your chicken “

“ I HAVE A CONCEPT BUT NO TALENT “

“ im in thE ZONE “

“ that involves......... a lot of things. like putting pants on. “

“ i need to watch the movies n shit “

“ wouldn't it have been better to land like a pancake or something “

*tips hat and spits into a can* “ what the fuck did I just say “

“ like it obviously doesn't kill a man bc I ate some a week or two ago or something “

“ what the fuck is a lightbulb ”

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