ian frustrates me in that scene when he goes to give mickey the promise ring. Ian is allowed to be insecure obviously and i feel for him as I am the same as him (mental illness wise) but the one time Mickey asked for Ian to be the one to reassure him for once, as Mickey is the one that needs it this time, Ian made it about himself and his own feelings. yet again. Ian is my love but he can be such a classic middle child sometimes and you can tell as at times he can be incredibly self centred, as he often makes everything about himself (which is so very classical middle child syndrome). i know ian needs to be comfortable with marriage and his insecurities are valid but in that moment he was at a risk of losing mickey and he needed to be the one to prove how much he loves mickey. it wasn’t the time to talk about his own doubt yet as we see mickey is too much of an open wound in that scene and that needed soothing first. before ian rubbed salt in it.
hello :)
Was there anyone who didn't find Ian frustrating in that scene? 😂
In his relationship with Mickey, Ian often says and does things that unintentionally hurt Mickey. Put nicely, it's because he feels comfortable with Mickey, but put badly, it means he takes Mickey a bit for granted. Because in their relationship, Mickey has yielded for Ian much more often. Mickey came out for Ian, embraced him through all the trouble he caused due to his bipolar disorder, went to see him the moment he escaped prison even though Ian hadn't visited him once, and even though Ian abandoned Mickey at the Mexican border, Mickey returned to prison just to protect Ian. Ian actually knows that Mickey loves him that much. He is probably the only person in Ian's life who looks only at Ian, and their history is already 10 years long now. The pride and happiness coming from this, interlocked with the "Middle Child Syndrome" you mentioned, often translates into "comfort" and sometimes "rudeness" toward Mickey. Oh, and he is a Gallagher, too, right? Gallaghers basically have this... double-standard tendency as a passive trait. Yeah, lol.
I think the S10 parole hearing episode is like a prelude or foreshadowing to the marriage episode. Actually, their relationship has been imbalanced since S4. It was a relationship where Mickey entirely gave in. And Mickey knows that too. In the parole episode, even after hearing Ian say, "I never asked you to come to prison," Mickey just lets him leave. To that extent, Mickey always prioritized Ian in these situations. That episode reminded the viewers of that once again.
But not marriage. Even if Mickey prioritizes Ian's heart over everything else in this world, marriage is the one exception. That's why Mickey never even uttered the word "marriage" even when he believed Ian had committed murder. He absolutely did not want to use marriage as a tool, and above all, he must have been incredibly terrified of being hurt by Ian like that again. Especially when it comes to marriage. Ah, on the contrary. Come to think of it now, the reason why Ian could boldly choose marriage as a means was probably because it didn't even cross his mind that Mickey would hurt him over this. He was absolutely certain that Mickey would accept the marriage.
But Ian reproduced exactly what Mickey feared. Although it was revealed that Ian chose marriage to protect Mickey, Mickey still tried to proceed with the marriage. Because in the first proposal, Ian told him, "We fucking love each other, I love you, and I trust you." Ian was the one who started all of this, and with a pen in hand in front of the caseworker, the only way to fix this was to sign the marriage certificate. But Ian didn't sign it. Coming out for him but Ian cheating (even if it was due to bipolar disorder), ignoring Mickey while he was locked up in prison, going all the way to the border together but ultimately not going with him, leaving first on parole even though Mickey turned himself in for him... and proposing but not signing the marriage certificate! Mickey was inevitably hurt again in the place where he least wanted to be hurt, and surprisingly, Ian doesn't take that fact "very seriously." In a way, it's his defense mechanism. He always rationalizes that there is a reason for everything he does that hurts Mickey. It's a Gallagher trait, too.
But he shouldn't have done that with marriage. Even with grand reasons like Frank, Monica, bipolar, blah blah blah, everyone except Ian knew that he shouldn't do that when it comes to marriage. Otherwise, "all" of the Gallagher siblings + Tami wouldn't have unprecedentedly taken Mickey's side. Ian... at least when Lip takes Mickey's side, you need to look back and see if you made a huge mistake...
So anyway, Ian takes Debbie's advice, buys a ring, and goes to propose... but he still doesn't want to do it, so he needed someone to stop him. He asked Lip to do that. But even Lip says, "I think you should marry him. someday." I think both Debbie, who doesn't know their relationship that deeply, and Lip, who knows almost all of their history, recognized that they had reached the stage to get married. But Lip, for his brother's sake anyway, advises him that if he doesn't want to do it, he should at least know exactly why he doesn't want to. Setting aside whether Lip's advice was appropriate, Ian got the excuse to rationalize not getting married just as he wanted, and in the end? He gives Mickey a "promise ring." (lol)
Remember how Mickey was a bit excited for a moment when he first received the ring... fuck... putting everything else aside, I really wonder if Ian honestly thought things would work out well in that kind of way. He probably knew himself that he shouldn't do this, but for now, he missed Mickey, and spun a wishful thinking loop like, "If he knows my heart, won't Mickey come back to me? Like he always did?" while painfully walking over on crutches, right? Because up until now, Mickey always had...?
So Ian... at first, rather than explaining why he doesn't want to get married, rambles on and on about how much he loves Mickey and makes promises of devotion... but when Mickey doesn't buy it, Ian starts to get really anxious. He must have been terrified and panicked internally because Mickey's expression didn't change for the better at all. His eyes even well up a bit, right? Like, "Huh? This isn't it? Why is Mickey's reaction weird?"... Surprisingly, he starts to feel that sense of being completely fucked after handing over the promise ring... And when Mickey says things like, "You don't love me enough," or "This (what Byron and I have) is true love," Ian gets worked up and finally starts spitting out the raw truth buried deep in his heart, which he didn't really want to bring up, completely unfiltered.
"How can you be so sure you love me? Every single day I don't even know who I am. Why are you trying to waste your life like this? Are you crazy? You've never even been with anyone else but me. How can you be so sure?"
... But actually, these unfiltered, harsh words were the ultimate confession that showed he loved Mickey much more than the promises of love(...) he spouted right before. In fact, hearing this calmed Mickey's anger down a lot. Mickey genuinely thought Ian was skeptical about marriage because he didn't love him that much, but hearing his real feelings allowed Mickey to be certain that Ian loves him, and realized that Ian doesn't want to get married precisely because of that.
Ian didn't want to burden Mickey with someone like him forever, and while Ian felt with absolute certainty that no one else could ever compare to Mickey, Mickey hadn't even experienced a relationship to compare him to, right? So how can you be sure this is "real" love? There's no way! <- I think his anxiety spiked to this point. Normally, he wouldn't have thought to this extent. It's just that right there, Mickey had physically left him, and at least out loud, said he found "another love," so his anxiety spiked drastically. He knows his love for Byron is fake. But what if "this kind of thing" actually happens for real? Then what? It's something like that. Isn't it interesting? The fact that the feeling of not wanting to be a burden to Mickey, the thought of not being able to be sure whether Mickey's feelings toward him are real or what, and the fear of "What if Mickey really gives his heart to someone else?" all coexist.
So actually, I'm quite curious about the topic of the "private conversation" Ian wanted to have the next morning when he brought over a piece of clothing. What was Ian planning to say? That he was foolish yesterday? Please just come back? Let's think seriously about marriage? Or more foolish words again?
Well, anyway... Mickey rejects him in that situation, humiliates Ian in front of Byron again, and Ian's "hating to lose" moment kicks in so he lies through his teeth again... but yeah, Ian knew he was completely fucked. On his way back home after telling Mickey he got a new boyfriend, he must have felt nothing but despair, looking back at everything he did and thinking, "Wow, I really was a dumbass."
So at the very, very end, Ian finally decides to give it all back. Honestly, even without the fight (?) with Byron, I think Ian had already made up his mind to propose to Mickey that day. Just like Mickey had always done for him, this time it's his turn to soothe Mickey's anxiety and show him certainty. It's his turn to protect Mickey so he won't have to listen to insults from other people or get beaten up. It's finally Ian's turn to step up... He showed this only at the very, very end. That's why I think having Ian—not Mickey—lead the marriage conversation and propose was an incredible choice. And through this ordeal, their relationship finally regained its balance once again.
