Adelheid’s nook

somewhere for me to be safe

[iveadelheidenough]

at what point in the academic year do i just give up

[100493503004422]

me: [facedown on the floor] listen everything is totally fine

[depsidase]

[anarchistmemedistro]

[clown-guitar]

[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere

[autistobrat]

this too shall pass but the fuck was that for

[twentythousandvolts]

early stages of friendship are Soooo embarrassing like yea sorry....... it's me again............ i enjoy talking to you and spending time with you....... you can shoot me point blank if you want i dont mind

[ancestral-reflections]

“i asked chatgpt” well i asked Mary, Mother of God and she said to do better

[youinapastlife]

tired of pretending to be chill. i am insane.

[catilinas]

you should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. what do you mean i have to do it again

[decayalectical-deactivated20230]

how do you become so well read?

by reading

[souljoy]

im like if my mom & dad Unfortunately had a baby

[ozisarabbit]

don’t talk to me or my seventy two fabricated realities ever again

[heiibo]

cutest adorable horangi and kkachi

[nyancrimew]

im doomed by the narrative but the narrative is a bunch of conscious choices i've made in the past

[iveadelheidenough]

I wish more people I knew spoke about or even just knew about the difficulty of reconciling your image and understanding of yourself with progressive disability.

I grew up dancing and horse riding, did ballet and musical theatre for 15 years, rode horses for 7, went on long and frequent walks. I loved being outside, moving my body deliberately and freely, in a trained and precise and rewarding way. I adored dance, I was en pointe, I was dancing four to five days a week. I loved horses and caring for them, being outside with them, riding and jumping and learning with them. I loved the forests and fields and walks in the fresh air, hearing and seeing animals.

Now I don’t. I can’t dance, I can’t ride, I can barely walk 15 minutes on flat land. My body doesn’t move the way it used to. It can’t. I use crutches and canes and borrow my friends’ wheelchairs when I need and can.

And trying to re-learn, to re-understand, to reconcile how my body works. That it can’t do the things I loved. That the things that were so dear to me very well may have made it worse. I will never dance like I used to, never walk as far or as many places as I could before, will never have the riding skill I did or the ability to do it for as long. My body is failing me and it’s failing so suddenly.

One day I was dancing and it feels as though I blinked and now I can barely use stairs.

How do I reconcile that? How do I mourn the talents and hobbies and loves I had? How am I meant to be understood in this grief?

[iveadelheidenough]

how many drafts will i write before i go crazy challenge