the melodies of my existence

she/her | sideblog: @rosesandsilhouettes

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

Talking to the moon

Stargazing.

Talking to the moon.

That was all I had,

When you left

The stars reminded me

That this darkness

Was my cue to shine

And the moon;

It told me

That it’s with me

In this loneliness

It told me

It’s okay

To have dark days

It told me a secret;

That you

Were talking to it too

~@iveneverbeentonirvana

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

Slipping out of reality

I’m slipping out of reality:

Slowly but surely.

Like when a storm’s about to come;

The clouds gather first,

Slowly creep towards the area,

Covering the sky,

Blocking the light,

And then:

The storm hits,

With full force.

That’s exactly, how

The darkness

Is creeping in my brain

About to take away

My sanity,

Leaving me

With nothing

But self destruction.

~@iveneverbeentonirvana

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

Letting go

Never comes

Easy to me,

I hold on to

The littlest

Of things

I'm a hoarder;

Of dead memories,

Of broken hopes,

Of ruined bonds

I'm a graveyard

Of dreams,

In a boulevard

Of expectations

~ @iveneverbeentonirvana // "letting go"

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

My anxiety doesn't let me eat

Instead, it eats every last shred of comfort I have,

Every last hope of safety that's in my bones,

Leaving me empty, hollow, vacant

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

I found love in the strangest of places / in an abandoned alleyway / in between words that kept me awake / in roses pressed in my mother's old diary / in nights spent talking absolute nonsense /

[p.s would any of you want to add something to this?]

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

It's like everything I want is running away from me/I chase something and it turns to dust/I think about pink and it turns purple/My once blossoming dreams are starting to rust/I reach for something, it suddenly disappears/Every day is another battle/Do I hope or is it just for fools?/Life is a race and I can't run/To tell you the truth, I dont want to run

@iveneverbeentonirvana

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

Do you ever reread a book after a long time and feel sickeningly nostalgic and homesick?

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

Sometimes i feel like my life is a simulation and there's a glitch everytime I feel an emotion; soul-crushing sadness, happiness that makes me want to fly, anger that turns me into a monster, compassion that makes my heart ache for everyone, love that makes me want to scream or become mist.

Because most of the time, I'm numb, apathetic; processing certain things like they're supposed to be taken in, while unable to make sense of others, like I'm not programmed to do so. And when I feel something, anything, I don't know what to do anymore.

~@iveneverbeentonirvana // glitch in the simulation

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

There's a knot inside my chest that never loosens. I can't decide if it's grief or guilt. I want to scream; I want to never speak again. How do you mend an organ that wants to destroy itself? I can't remember the sound of laugher or what happiness tastes like. There's darkness inside me no light can reach. Everything I want to forget, keeps invading my dreams. Hope sounds like a foolish thing now; so familiar yet so unfamiliar.

-tell me does it get better or do you just get used to it? // @iveneverbeentonirvana

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

Some nights I feel so many things at once to the point where I feel like my heart won't be able to keep up, that it'll collapse any second and I lay there praying to the lord to take my heart away.

Other nights I feel so empty, I forget how to breath and nothing around me feels familiar and my heart feels like a void, a black hole and I pray to the lord to make me feel something, anything.

And I still don't know how I survive those nights but somehow, I always do. Somehow, I always wake up to the rays of sun falling on me through the window. And I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

@iveneverbeentonirvana

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

Do you ever reread a book after a long time and feel sickeningly nostalgic and homesick?

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

I wake up

Every morning

Feeling the baggage

Of my past

And the emptiness

In my heart

I eat

But i don't eat

I talk to people

But I don't talk to people

It's like

I'm awake

But not really awake

I'm here

But I'm nowhere

-where is my salvation?// @iveneverbeentonirvana

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

It's like a compulsion.

I can't stop.

I can't stop.

I can't stop.

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

Water comes in most of my nightmares/Will it engulf me in its blue vastness?/Will it feed me to a monster?/Will it suffocate me till I can't breathe anymore?/I never learned how to swim/So will I ever be able to float?/Without any threat?

~@iveneverbeentonirvana

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

I found love in the strangest of places / in an abandoned alleyway / in between words that kept me awake / in roses pressed in my mother's old diary / in nights spent talking absolute nonsense /

[p.s would any of you want to add something to this?]

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

Tumblr is like a second home for me.

[iveneverbeentonirvana]

I found love in the strangest of places / in an abandoned alleyway / in between words that kept me awake / in roses pressed in my mother's old diary / in nights spent talking absolute nonsense /

[p.s would any of you want to add something to this?]