I want to get better

I didn't know I was broken until I wanted to change.

[iwannagettbetter]

One day I hope you die.

Im not a good enough person

To want you to succeed.

I dont want you to accomplish your goals,

All the things we talked about.

I want you to fail,

And wonder if it would have been better

Had you been better.

One day I hope you wake up

And youre sad  because of what you did

And how you failed because of it.

I want our only contact

To be to tell me how shitty your lifes been.

And I suppose a better person

Would want you to be happy,

But I never pretended I was good.

Thats why you didnt feel bad doing what you did,

But one day I hope you die

And I hope youre alone when it happens,

Like I was,

Like I have been since.

[iwannagettbetter]

How do you be angry?

How do you bare your teeth and not smile?

How do you know it is rightfully yours,

When the good say no,

But the dark in you pleads for it.

For revenge, for memorial.

It wants to be remembered,

It wants to carve its name in their skin with its teeth,

But you hold my hand and say it is bellow me.

How little you know of the dirt above me,

The worms around me.

I was born in a coffin,

The only thing beneath me is hell.

[iwannagettbetter]

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[iwannagettbetter]

It is my body to give,

It was my body he took

I will decide when i give again

[iwannagettbetter]

If i bleed,

It will be from a war that wages deep.

If i bleed,

It will not be from your hands.

If i bleed,

You will be the last to know.

[iwannagettbetter]

I cry crystals and pearls,

I bleed gold and mend with steel.

I am beautiful falling apart,

And have been since i was born.

My mother collected the gems from my eyes,

And told me to make constellations.

If i were to paint my beautiful spirailing pieces black and blue,

Would they finally understand

I am not a beautiful product,

But an attestment of pain?

[iwannagettbetter]

I will never be touched by ungrateful hands again

I will burn them off before they have the chance.

I will claw and kick and fight away hands,

Who did not earn their place upon my body.

I am gold, i am silk, i am satin,

I do not ruin with a touch,

But i will ruin you with one.

[iwannagettbetter]

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[iwannagettbetter]

I said goodbye

To a part of myself last night

I locked her away

And wished her goodnight

I waited until she fell asleep

And shut the door forever

She did everything,

She used every drop of strength

She saved my life,

And now its my turn

To do something with that life

I said hello

To my new self this morning

With tears and greetings,

I welcomed this new chapter

And prepared myself

For a whats after the prequel

[iwannagettbetter]

How does it feel?

To be wanted

To be loved

To be everything someone needs

How does it feel?

To feel safe

To feel beautiful

To feel powerful

I've never felt that way,

And I'm afraid I never will.

[iwannagettbetter]

Dear mom,

Why wasnt I enough? Enough for yoy to change, enough for you to love me? I wasn't enough for you, pr for anyone since. They either hate me or replace me. And the question is, is it really all my fault? I mean, my own mother called me a monster. Some part of me believed it.

I miss feeling whole. I miss not feeling like all I had is the surety that people are bad. I suppose in the end, it all comes back to my inability to accept any explanation you give me on why you did it. Am I really so bad that you had to rid the world of your daughter? Would you have killed me if you felt you could get away with it? How badly did you hate your own flesh and blood?

I dont remember what it means to exist. I've forgotten while forcing myself to seem human. I am not human. I am some sort of amalgamation of everything you called me. My skin is made of your hand prints. I cannot escape the monster you made me.

[iwannagettbetter]

I was born to tear holes in the solar system, to rage war and turn cities to dust. I am a woman; you should fear me. I am the final draft of mankind, the furthest from the apes. Still, I am animalistic. I will tear out your throat with my heels and make it look like an accident. My ancestors sent men to war at the mention of their names, led nations into their golden years, and even communed with their gods.

They say it's a man's world, but I've never seen anything but a woman running it.

[iwannagettbetter]

Loving someone is like smoking cigarettes. They make you feel happy and calm at first, but then you begin to smell and taste like them. And when you have to quit them, after the lung cancer sets in, you have to find a whole new way to be happy a new way to stay calm. If you're lucky, you'll never have to quit, and sometimes that hurts even worse.

[iwannagettbetter]

It is hard for a taker to understand what it is like to be a giver. They understand the euphoria of giving, but they do not understand how tiring being a giver is. Givers give until they have nothing, takers give when they have extra. Do not expect a taker to know when too much is too much.

[iwannagettbetter]

"Some people turn sad awfully young. No

special reason, it seems, but they seem

almost to be born that way. They bruise

easier, tire faster, cry quicker, remember

longer and, as I say, get sadder younger

than anyone else in the world. I know, for

I'm one of them."

-Ray Bradbury, Dandelion Wine

[iwannagettbetter]

My love for you is like pomegranate seeds,

Like the ones Hades gave his wife.

I eat them everyday one at a time,

In hopes that if I eat enough,

You'll live a year for every seed.

[iwannagettbetter]