such a lack of diplomacy

i don't want your money. i don't want your crown. see, i've come to burn your kingdom down. An AU Waver Velvet RP blog affiliated with Fates Rewritten. I track the tag iwasorderedtosurvive.

[frommemetoyou]

SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

[text] Are you lost?

[text] NO! That was a typo

[text] Did you buy it?

[text] I think I’m a mermaid

[text] I know it’s 3am, but come over and cook for me. 

[text] Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead

[text] Need to bury a body, it’s urgent.

[text] Are you sure there’s no monsters?

[text] It was an accident.

[text] lol fuk da police

[text] send me a picture and i’ll be home quicker ;)

[text] DO NOT READ THE LAST MESSAGE IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU

[text] Well maybe I broke my tongue!

[text] Please tell me you’re free today! I’ve got some big news today.

[text] Got a spare ticket, do you want to come?

[text] Do you have a spare mankini I can borrow?

[text] Is fancy dress allowed at the wedding?

[text] I was using my old baby blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants

[text] We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead… I just rolled off and tapped out. 

[text] Like alphabetically, I’d say a t?

[text] I’m sorry if throwing up in the back of your dad’s car ruined our friendship :(

[text] there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night singing karaoke and drink out of juice cartons. don’t judge me.

[text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.

[text] Do you know where I am?

[text] My wedding is in 5 hours and I have no idea where I am. Help!

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.

[text] Is “head down ass up” an appropriate way to say good morning?

[text] That is definitely not healthy, in fact I’m not sure it’s legal to send that sort of picture?

[text] There isn’t enough cookie dough ice cream at home, so I’ll be heartbroken tomorrow instead.

[text] Not sure if I took a nap or went to another dimension

[text] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! HE IS A TRIPLET, WE DONT NEED TO FIGHT OVER HIM WE CAN HAVE AN ORGY INSTEAD

[text] No no don’t leave me, who’s going to walk me home

[text] She wheeled me home in a trolley and sad she loved me, I think I win.

[text] My dick just got serenaded.

[text] I ate the whole wheel of cheese. Help.

[text] I’ve been hiding under the bed for the past 20 minutes, and now they’re getting into it and it’s a little too late for me to jump out and surprise them. So expect a live sex updates

[text] The fridge is fully stocked. I’m either hallucinating or this is a miracle

[text] I need you to help me clean the house because I have visitors in less than an hour???

[text] Your brother is at the front door- WHAT DO I SAY?!

[text] It’s all fun and games till someone says you’re so pretty they could punch you and they, you know, punch you

[text] I’m in A&E but I don’t really know why

[text] Went to bed with a 10, just about woke up with a 2 and a half

[text] I think I’m officially a homewrecker because his wife just walked in screaming and he said it’s not what it looks like. I mean what else could it look like? I wasn’t trimming his hairs with my mouth?!

[text] My night ended with me crying in a gutter, I hate you.

[text] He’s decorated the toilet with his urine. I never want to see him ever again, tell him he has 2 minutes to get out of our house.

[text] Don’t talk to me! You tried to trade me for a glass of wine and a cigarette!

[text] I promise I’ll get everyone to jelly wrestle with us xox

[text] I am armed with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Don’t test me.

[text] I think I got married last night?

[text] I think I got married on impulse last night… and after looking a second time, I don’t think i’ve made any mistakes.

[text] My mouth tastes like poor choices

[text] I didn’t let go of the mechanical bull, but they had to pull me off because… it was rough just the way I like it and I think that showed?

[text] If I say it was accidental you’ll just say I’m lying

[text] There is an alarming amount of glitter in my… everywhere

[text] You’re my hero

[text] You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me, thank you

[text] Have you ever had a good idea in your life?

[text] Are we going to end up in the hospital again?

[text] It’s not a good night if I don’t end up crying into your mother’s lap.

[text] Mark my words, your dad will be my sugar daddy, he’ll marry me and you’ll have to call me momma bear and I will interrupt your sex life with condoms and condiments.

[text] I’m may be allergic to nuts, but not his.

[text] She high fived me out of pity

[text] You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask

[text] You just walked in, rated their performance, dragged in three other people to clap for them, then walked back out.

[text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…

[text] I am a responsible adult. I tied up my hair before I puked

[text] I am a responsible adult, I brought home a lost kitten and let it shit in your room

[text] I accidentally talked myself into a threesome, when did I become so smooth?

[text] It may or may not have been your sister…

[text] It may or may not have been your brother…

[text] If you’re not coming over with food, don’t come over at all

[text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…

[text] IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS

[text] Buy me a helicopter, I will give you the last slice of pizza. pls. this is important. okay maybe the crust?

[text] Let’s never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.

[text] I tried to put lipstick on my eyeballs, help.

[text] I told her my cum counts as protein shake and she sent a text to my gran saying I ate her cat.

[text] If you don’t fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we’re alone in your room, I’m returning you to the boyfriend store

[text] I accidentally sexted your mum, I’m sorry xox

[text] There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro

[text] I feel like you’re pretending I didn’t bail you out of jail last night for trying to staple a cushion to the top of their car so you had a “comfy place to sit”

[text] You climbed the fence and then started crying because you were scared of hamsters, I really don’t know what you took, but you need a babysitter.

[text]  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.

[frommemetoyou]

Send my muse one of the following texts to see how they react:

[iwasorderedtosurvive-blog]

[text] I need you so bad right now

[text] They know.

[text] I know everything.

[text] OH FUCK OH FUCK

[text] ARE YOU TRYING TO SEXT ME?

[text] Make sure you’re alone- I don’t want anyone else seeing what I’m about to sent you.

[text] I accidentally sent it to the wrong person, help?!

[text] We need to talk

[text] I don’t want to talk about it

[text] The bed is definitely broken beyond repair…

[text] Delete my number

[text] Either way I’m going to make you scream my name by the end of the night

[text] Come over in the next 5 minutes, or not at all

[text] Stop ignoring me and pick up your phone

[text] I th  unk drink? Help me can home?!!!!! :xx)

[text] You free tomorrow?

[text] You left your shirt and I’ve been wearing it all day, so now it’s mine

[text] I don’t think you understand just how big is dick is!!!

[text] Thanks to you, the new neighbours now know my name xxx

[text] If I said that I was wearing nothing but an apron and was armed with strawberries and whipped cream, how quickly would you come into the kitchen?

[text] What’s the dress code?

[text] Black, red w/ lace or  sheer white????

[text] I know you said not to clean your room, but it was filthy- also for future reference, hide that in your sock draw and not under your pillow next him.

[text] YOU SAID THE BITES WEREN’T EVEN THAT VISIBLE?!?! MY BOSS HAS JUST GIVEN ME A SCARF TO COVER UP MY NECK FOR BEING “INAPPROPRIATE”

[text] I hear a celebration is in order?!

[goldenhammerhandyman-blog]

" stop being so -" finish it in my ask.

[gimmememesnowx]

Send me a ╰☆╮ and...

[iwasorderedtosurvive-blog]

1st Person gets: A gentle hug

2nd Person gets: A chaste kiss

3rd Person gets: A romantic kiss

4th Person gets: A night out

5th Person gets: to see my muse naked

6th Person gets: A heartfelt confession

7th Person gets: To see my muse cry

8th Person gets: Married to my muse for a week

9th Person gets: Chained to my muse for three days

10th Person gets: to kill my muse

[stufffortheask]

Send me a 'shh' for my muses reaction to yours sliding their hand up my muses leg.

[vigilance-and-glory-blog]

Attack my askbox (RP character version!)

♔: Ten facts that people might not realize or know about your character

☢: Ten headcanons that pertain to your character

❆: Ten OOC facts about the Writer

♕: Ten different quirks the character has

❀: Ten favorite quotes by the character

☎: Ten different people you’d like your character to interact with (canon or panfandom) ▦: Ten different scenarios you’d like your character to participate in

✦: Ten different things that remind the writer of the character

❖: Ten things that the character likes

✘: Ten different things the character disapproves of

Put one of these things in my askbox, and I will answer!

[guardianofthelibrary]

Word association game: send my muse a word and they will respond with the first word that comes to their mind.

[iwasorderedtosurvive-blog]

"Is— is it meant to be bleeding, that much?"

"How am I supposed to know? I’m not a doctor. Now get out before you bleed to death in my house! And go see a real doctor!"

[iwasorderedtosurvive-blog]

[text]: answwer me honestly. am i hot?

[text]: No. Now please. Stop texting me.

[iwasorderedtosurvive-blog]

"Never again."

"Never again are we talking about that incident. Never again are we even thinking about that incident.”

[frwmemes-blog]

Try to annoy my character in 10 words or less!

[rpmememaker]

Send my muse one of the following to see how they react:

[ credit to talk-to-tennant ]

"Is— is it meant to be bleeding, that much?"

"Help me."

"Don’t touch me!"

"You’re a monster."

"Why are we in a graveyard?"

"How long’s it been?"

"Do you even know what you’ve done?"

"Tell me you’re sorry."

"Do it for me."

"They’re fast, faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and whatever you do… don’t blink."

"Good luck."

"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry."

"Hurts, doesn’t it?"

"Oh, yeah. It does suck when someone says one thing and does the other, doesn’t it?"

"I’m scared."

"I need a doctor."

"Can I help?"

"Excuse you."

"What’ve you done?"

"What’re you doing?"

"How old are you?"

"That’s not how you use it…"

[grumblygardensarchive]

Guess How Much I Love You! A Meme.

Send me a ♥ if your character has romantic feelings for mine. Send me a ღ if your character has unrequited feelings for mine. Send me a ♠ if your character couldn’t live without mine. Send me a ☮ if your character thinks of mine as a friend. Send me a ✰ if your character thinks of mine as their best friend. Send me a ☼ if your character wants to snuggle with mine. Send me a ⌛ if your character wants to kiss mine. Send me a ➳ if your character has thought dirty thoughts about mine. Send me a ✖ if your character has thought dirty thoughts about mine and thoroughly enjoyed them. Send me a ϟ if your character hates mine. Send me a ☠ if your characters wants to push mine off a cliff.

[frwmemes-blog]

Tell my muse a bad (or good) joke!

[rpmememaker]

Text my muse one of the following...

[Text]: There’s blood. There’s a lot of blood.

[Text]: I’m going to need a ride home. Don’t ask why.

[Text]: Mission failed.

[Text]: I may have accidentally handcuffed myself to the stairs.

[Text]: When you get home, remember this. It wasn’t me.

[Text]: I hear the voices when I’m dreaming.

[Text]: Are you naked?

[Text]: Come over to my place and play strip poker.

[Text]: I HAVE DONE SOMETHING TERRIBLE

[Text]: What do you prefer, chocolate syrup or whip cream?

[Text]: Answer me honestly. Am I hot?

[Text]: Do you wanna have a sleepover?

[Text]: Truth or dare?

[Text]: That’s illegal.

[Text]: I’ve always wanted to hear you beg. How about tonight?

[Text]: LUCK. I MEANT LUCK. LUCK AUTOCORRECT.

[rpmememaker]

Random Sentences (Angsty ones)

"How do you really feel about me?"

"Can’t you pretend to love me this once?"

"Would you care if I was gone?"

"Don’t you know the hell I go through to keep you safe?"

"I can’t take this any longer. Help me."

"Deep down, you’re scared. Aren’t you?"

"You’ll stay alone if you push others away."

"How many lives have you taken with your own hands?"

"Just for today. Please."

"You’re the only one who’s never called me that…"

"We can make it work! Let’s run away together, you and me!"

"I… have loved you this whole time."

"Treat me as you see fit. I’ll still protect you. It’s my role after all."

"Maybe it’s too much for me to expect kindness."

"You give me meaning, even if you take it away."

"Please… hold me. Don’t say anything, just… hold me."

[cittamemes]

Send "Smooch!" for a reaction to my muse suddenly being kissed by yours.