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@ixtabsuho
Disharmony | Joonmyun & Jaejoong
Actually, yes, Jaejoong thought he was going to agree to that arrangement. It was a hope that explained the disappointed look ghosting over his face when his proposal was brushed off without further consideration, prompting the hunter to let out an exaggerated sigh. Homework. He wanted to say that he wasn’t ten anymore and drowning in unfinished assignments until he remembered his current living conditions and the fact that this was exactly what he got caught up in again, so that in the end he simply gave a noncommittal shrug. Homework was still boring. Studying the teacher without even trying to hide it, on the other hand, seemed like a much more productive way to pass time.
"What are you?" He asked after a few moments ticked by in silence, and while Jaejoong could handle silence if necessary, right now he still wanted to see how much he could annoy the other before getting him to snap. "You look human, but there aren’t many of us here, even less in a teacher position.” As always, he left out the fact that he was only half human and preferred to keep the veela blood in him a secret, yet doubted that Joonmyun would have enough interest to ask and notice the white lie. “You haven’t worked as a teacher before or else you’d know what to do with me,” the hunter continued, analyzing the small bits and pieces he’d gathered from their short conversation so far, while an amused smile spread over his lips. “Then again, at least you’re not the type of teacher to get other ideas of what to do with me either; makes you better than quite a few of them already.” On the negative side, the inability to flirt and smoothtalk the other made it considerably harder for him to get his way, but Jaejoong had always been persistent.
"How did you get your knowledge of anatomy?" The hunter thus continued, eyes flickering across the room as he spoke. "Studies? Practice?" Considering what kind of school this was, he wouldn’t be surprised to hear that the headmaster hired teachers who had no academic experience on a subject whatsoever, but the thought did not disturb him unless it either got personal or someone involved his job.
Of course, Joonmyun was glad that at least there was a moment of the other listening...more or less. But as the Ixtab was making a red slash next to one of the answers, the very brief moment of peace was shattered again. "I'm one of the Ixtab," he informed him, not seeing all that much harm in answering that. Unless, perhaps, the other was an alien hunter, but he'd deal with that if he came to it. When Jaejoong began speaking about what type of teacher he was, a soft snort left him and he leaned back once again in his chair.
"You should really be doing your work," he reminded him. "But I appreciate the acknowledgement. Too many of the teachers here are inappropriate idiots, honestly," a slight shrug left him, unconcerned if Jaejoong wanted to speak about this to others anyway, as it wasn't as though he hid his opinions on his colleagues very well. And he didn't care to. "How long have you been here?" he asked, though he knew he shouldn't give into his little tactics. But one harmless question couldn't hurt.
Another soft sigh at the question, "Various ways. I studied, I've worked in medical and science fields, I've dissected," he hummed softly. "I'd ask what you are and why you care, but I really don't know that I should encourage you not actually serving your detention." The Ixtab knew that if he was in the other's position, he would be tempted to do something similar. Of course, truthfully, he was always respectful, but he was used to others not following the same code as he did. "Homework," he waved in the general direction of the other's things, trying to persuade him to do as he was bid instead of continuing to talk to him.
❂ | Space; the final frontier | Joonmyun & Zitao
Zitao sat down again, on former assignments it had been not more than normal to stand up for superiors. Showing respect to those above you, especially a captain of all things, was a second nature to the Ixtab. With the red blush still over his face he sat down again, realizing that he had used the wrong name. “Captain Joonmyun.. I apologize..” he mumbled, realizing he had already fucked up and cursing himself in his head. He nodded at what the captain said “I know sir, I will try to work together with them too.” Even if he had no desire to work together with the others, if the captain desired him to do so, he would try. Try and succeed like everything in his life he was sure he could complete this task as well with hard work and stubborn determination. “I will try to socialize with other members of my age.” He promised with a short nod, eyes flickering over to the group and he already dreaded it.
At the mention that Captain joonmyun was glad he applied little stars started to shine in the alien’s eyes, overjoyed he looked up and gazed into the other’s eyes directly. “Thank you Captain, I am overjoyed that I got the opportunity to serve under your command, on this ship. I have heard much about both you and the ship.” he smiled and his age showed in the way his excitement got the best of his expression. Being chosen here had been the best thing, literally, in his life and to hear that the Captain didn’t regret chosing him (yet) was making him feel beyond happy. Oh, what he wouldn’t give to proof the Captain that he was and would be the best possible choice that he could have made. All his years of hard work, studying till deep into the night or to the early mornings had payed off. ‘
"You do?" Zitao asked with large eyes, relaxing a little as he continued to speak with the male. "Can you not see them?" He wondered out loud, if you manned such a big ship there must have been a way that the captain could work things out to see his friends? "Ah- if you don’t mind me asking Captain.. But where did you meet them? At the institute?" he referred to the school where he went himself to learn about technology and space. There were many institutions ofcourse and Zitao didn’t know where Joonmyun had studied. He tried to imagine the captain as a student, which was an odd thought and he didn’t think he was able to actually visualize it. Instead he just smiled and looked down at his food again.
Zitao chuckled at the question, shoulders shaking as the sound escaped him and then he shook his head. “I did not, but I didn’t really mind.” he admitted to the captain. “I just wanted to get started, you see my best friend-” He halted and then cleared his throat “The guy that lived next to where I lived, I met him at a young age and he is a few years older than me? He is really good at all that biomechanical stuff, always top of the class but he is a real difficult guy to socialize with. A little like me, only I’m not really that outgoing and he is just a big angry black hole. Anyway-” Zitao grinned as he spoke of Jamie. “He worked so hard and got good grades and while my caretakers are fine people, Jamjam really stimulated me to study too. To reach beyond what was normal for people my age to reach. I wanted him to be proud of me above all.” Zitao smiled and then eyed the captain “So I got here, and I messaged him as soon as I got the message. Now I won’t really get praise from him…” his eyes wandered off to the window, stars slowly passing by as they went. “But I know he is proud of me. And when I see him again I can tell him in person.” The young alien eyed the captain again with a lot of adoration and promise. “But now I have someone else to make proud of me too, I promise I will make you proud too, Captain!”
Joonmyun wanted to assure the younger again that he didn't need to apologize, but in a way he also liked the display that at least he was respecting him. "I hope you stay this excited about being on the ship," he said with a slight smile, amused at the way that the other was this mix of shy excitement and nervousness at saying something wrong. But it seemed at least that as they continued to speak together, the other was becoming more comfortable and more talkative freely.
At the questions about his past, a quiet hum left the captain and he took another sip of his coffee. Most of the time he didn't speak much about his past at all, not wanting to discuss that he really didn't get close to people and had simply abandon them all in favor of work. But here he was asking him rather bluntly after his little lie. "Well...I would be able to, sure, but I'm often just too busy and too tired to actually keep up with people," he admitted with a slight shrug. "But don't worry, you will surely be able to keep up with your friends," he added in case that's what he was worried about. "I met them...various places, I suppose. Some at the institute, yes, some of them from the different positions I've held over the years. When you're as old as I, you have a wide variety of people to choose from," he said with a quiet laugh.
As he listened to the other speak of his friend that helped him, a nostalgic feeling washed over him. Of a time when things were more simple and the only focus was on what you wanted to do with your life, and the push to get there, when friends were the important factor in your decisions. It was cute, in its way, and he didn't have the heart to tell him that none of those things would matter soon enough. "Jamjam? I do hope that's a nickname," he snorted quietly. "So what does your friend actually do then? Is he on a ship as well?" Seeing as this person seemed rather important to the other, he decided to ask and see what would be said. A smile graced his features at the promise to make him proud, "I'm sure you will, Zitao," he assured him, and glanced toward the clock, knowing that he'd need to leave him soon, but he had a few minutes at least.
Get With It || Suho & Siyoon
Si Yoon glanced down at his diagram, nodding his head in agreement with the faculty member. “N-Ne…” The wind blew slightly, causing his hazel eyes to widen slightly before bending over to pick up his papers to prevent them from blowing in the wind. That was all he needed - wrinkled and dirty papers and books. Oh, would that be hell if that should happen. Picking each paper up with delicate fingers, he placed them inside one of the books for safe keeping before glancing up at the Ixtab.
"My n-name? It’s S-Si Yoon. Y-Yoon Si Yoon, s-sir." He bowed his head after his introduction before carefully grabbing the ends of his life-size diagram and rolling it up. A small smile formed on his lips, using a rubber-band that he had worn on his wrist to hold together his diagram to keep it from unraveling. "I d-didn’t have any homework to d-do. It has b-b-been awhile s-since I read up on anatomy. I l-like to r-read and st-study… and it was s-so nice out…"
He stopped himself from his stuttering ramblings, actually starting to annoy himself with his voice as he mentally cursed at himself. He had secretly hoped that he would have cured himself of his social disability long ago, but of course with his lack of social skills, back bone, and well to be honest, friends, his stuttering and social awkwardness continued. Putting some books and his pencils into messenger bag, he once again looked up at the teacher, this time attempting at eye contact. “I-I’m s-sorry, b-but I don’t know your n-name.”
The student was certainly an odd one, and his stuttering was getting on the teacher's nerves. But he knew he couldn't be too terribly harsh with him since he seemed almost too pathetic to even do so. "Are you nervous or do you always stutter this much?" he asked, though he attempted to punctuate it with a slight smile to hopefully not offend him too much.
He watched him as he picked up his things, bending down to grab a stray pen that rolled his way and offered it to the younger. "Si Yoon, nice to meet you," he returned to the introduction that was painful at best, and waved a dismissive hand at the apology for not knowing his name. "You shouldn't be expected to know me. I'm Professor Kim, or just Joonmyun if you prefer," he said, not particularly worried about whether his students addressed him with respect or not. It wasn't as though he cared about them, after all.
"Most students won't do their homework no matter what and here you are willing to do so. I like that. You really need to...gain a little bit of a backbone though," he offered the advice though clearly none had been asked of him. But that didn't mean he wouldn't speak his mind anyway.
Disharmony | Joonmyun & Jaejoong
There was silence on Jaejoong’s part; only his brow arched up as he watched the other man skim over the paper and then blatantly confess that he had no idea how to do this. Crazy time, he scoffed in his mind. Just for you most likely. This teacher seemed to underestimate him or to just not care at all, if he admitted weakness this easily, but that would make it easier for Jaejoong to live through this afternoon — and who was he to complain about that. His other brow followed the first one in a delicate but also amused tug upwards while he moved to sit down; almost every noise from the hallway being drowned out now that he had closed the door to Joonmyun’s office behind him.
"Grade tests? Professor," he half-purred the last word in a mockingly concerned tone. "I’m pretty sure you’re the one who would get in trouble if you let a student do your work.” And it was all Jaejoong could do to suppress a chuckle that threatened to ebb into his voice. Was he even serious? Controlling the hunter had never been easy; it required just the right amount of authority and respect to get him to follow someone else’s lead, but this right here quickly headed into a direction where Jaejoong was beginning to think he would be out of this room again within the next five minutes. And now that he was aware of the other’s (alarmingly obvious) lack of knowledge on how to treat a simple detention issue, he was going to turn this to his advantage without hesitation. Swiss Cheese was nothing against the holes in this guy’s defenses right now.
A tilt of his head indicated too much innocence and thus turned his expression into a confident and not-so-subtle hint of how Jaejoong would spread the word that ‘Professor Kim Joonmyun makes students grade his tests for him’ if he actually went through with this, but just to drive the threat home for real, his chin tilted up a moment later (him sitting down was probably the only condition in which the other could feel tall around someone for once, or so he assumed) and he blinked slowly. “I mean— I could pretty much just write whatever on this and give you the doubled amount of work later.” Jaejoong shrugged. He wasn’t going to give any hints towards how detention was supposed to work, or could work at least, but a thoughtful hum escaped his throat a moment later anyway. “Or,” he then started again, “we could, of course, forget about this paper right here; you let me go have a free afternoon and I won’t tell anyone about our mutually convenient arrangement.” The smile he offered the teacher seemed especially radiant then, a result of the subtle layer of magic he’d woven around himself in the past few moments to make his argument very inviting — provided that the other wasn’t immune against veela charms.
Joonmyun stifled a groan at the fact that this student was clearly going to be much more of a pain than he was worth. He didn't even know why he'd been chosen to monitor his detention, or whatever it was, considering he knew nothing about it and didn't even have him in a class. But he knew it wasn't worth complaining about now, and not aloud. The threat was clear, but the Ixtab had never dealt well with being threatened, and so a simple polite smile graced his lips. "Ah, well I suppose that's true, but aren't I supposed to make you do something?" he frowned again, knowing he looked completely clueless.
In a way, that had always been a part of his defense, he could look incredibly innocent and harmless in a given moment though he was anything but. In this case, however, there was a bit of truth under it as well. "Do you really think I'm going to agree to that arrangement?" he asked rhetorically, tsking softly under his breath at the other's words. He felt a strange sensation of almost wanting to give in, but shook it off, assuming that it was due to him just being out of his element.
"How about you just sit there and be quiet," he lifted a brow. "I might not know much about detention, but I won't let you worm your way out of this, now shut up." He probably wasn't supposed to tell students to shut up, but he really didn't care, what's the worst they would do anyway? "You don't have to grade tests, just keep quiet. Don't you have homework to do?" he asked after a moment, though it crossed his mind that perhaps students in detention were supposed to just sit there. But it wouldn't sit well with him if they had to just spend the next hour or so staring at each other awkwardly.
never too late | joonmyun&jamie
The seconds of anxious waiting and not wanting to feel anxious at the same time were the worst. Jamie saw the small twitch of the other’s lips, of course he did, and it sent an equally small surge of hope through his head — as if the elder’s actions were the catalyst and the balance to measure his own responses; a puppet on strings, he may have called it as well, but didn’t like the undertone of helplessness and dependence that suggested. He’d never liked to be dependent on anybody. If Joonmyun rejected him, a possibility he had to acknowledge, the Ixtab liked to think that he would be able to shrug it off without any further thought. They survived the past twenty years without each other, it wasn’t necessary to bring back old feelings just for the sake of making things even more awkward between them .. but that way of thinking didn’t explain why Jamie’s first response to the elder’s words was to feel relieved.
Warm lips pressed into his own, closing the distance first this time, and the younger couldn’t help the small sigh he exhaled against Joonmyun’s mouth and which ebbed away into a light breathy laugh while he kissed him back; trying to balance the other’s reluctance by being more insistent, more demanding. He felt giddy with a lingering sense of irritation still attached to it and that was both strange and very nice right now. “What did I say?” He spoke up quietly, barely pulling back and somewhere between having been pulled closer and realising what the other Ixtab had said, Jamie’s hands reached forward; one resting lightly on the elder’s thigh for balance while the other one lifted to cup his face. “Some things always stay the same.” And he was smug, yes; smug and grateful and relieved and upset, that too, but the opportunity to quote something he’d said earlier in their conversation already, now with a different meaning attached to it, was irresistible.
It felt good to know that Joonmyun still couldn’t hate him. The limits and boundaries for the blond had always been special and he used to shamelessly take advantage of it, which was clearly something that distance and years passing by between them could not change either. He pressed closer now, growing more eager and more daring as he invited Joonmyun to kiss him properly and the temptation to just slide onto his lap was there, but this time the younger didn’t take it. This, right here, was good enough for now.
Joonmyun had always felt a different way about Jamie than he did anyone else, he couldn't ever seem to say no to him and he did things he would have, at any other time or with any other person, found ridiculous. And he hated that truly nothing had changed, that he was still so unable to refuse him even after the years of anger and measures of being unsure about everything to do with Jamie. In the moment before Jamie pulled back again just a bit, he felt weak for the first time in a long while, and he felt both a flush of anger and the clutch of nostalgia at the sensation.
The feeling was even more settled when Jamie returned to the fact that things never changed, and the elder Ixtab snorted quietly. "Don't be so arrogant, some things do change," he said, though didn't elaborate on what it was that had changed. Because realistically, everything had, but when he kissed him, it didn't seem like they had. The hands that touched him sent a slight tingle through his body, having subconsciously missed that for so long. He'd been with people, of course, but it felt so much different than what he had with the younger.
When Jamie pressed in again, this time Joonmyun stopped holding him like a frail doll he might break, instead wrapping his arm around his waist to pull him in fully, almost pulling him onto his lap but just shy of that. Tilting his head a little more, he pulled Jamie into a real kiss this time, his mouth forming with the other's in a comfortable motion that was familiar and also seemingly new. The kisses were soft, but more persistent than previously, simply wanting to savor the reminder of Jamie's lips in the moment, and continued to draw him in so that the other couldn't break away from him again
never too late | joonmyun&jamie
Being around Joonmyun meant to be on his guard — emotionally at least, because there had been enough times where the other had provided a sense of physical safety and comfort just by reminding Jamie that he was close. And he’d experienced first-hand what happened to people who allowed their feelings for the other Ixtab to take over their judgement, up to the point where he chose, for several reasons, not to follow down the same path. Telling this to Joonmyun seemed out of the question right then however. The blond purposely never offered a clear explanation for their break, for withdrawing into a safe distance that had only been disrupted by perhaps one formal birthday card per year if anything; yet he could understand the elder’s confusion.
"Seeing how good we are at stepping around issues, yeah, maybe I thought that," he offered instead, shrugging. Sometimes I hate you, sometimes I miss you, or maybe I just miss what I remember you as. It was rare for Joonmyun to even address his feelings, much less with so much honesty. “But I mainly came back because you called me.” And then there was a clear pause, blue eyes lifting to look back at the man sitting next to him and Jamie wondered if he knew what he kept himself from saying out loud. For some reason he always felt like a school boy about to get scolded for being ‘too sentimental’ when he admitted any form of sympathy between them, most of which had gone by unspoken in all those years because neither of them was the type to be very in touch with their emotional side. It had been bound to create problems in the long run, but they had been blind to that as well as to many other things.
And so, instead of admitting that he’d missed the other too, Jamie went for the second-best confession he could make; the only comfort he had to offer for the mistakes from the past, really. “I wouldn’t cut you off like that again if I had to make that decision a second time.” His voice remained quiet as well, gaze dipping down to Joonmyun’s lips for the fraction of a second before he looked back into his eyes. The urge to kiss him had not been this strong in the whole time they were reunited at the academy and as someone who lived most of his life on impulse and spontaneous whims, it was no surprise the blond decided to throw all caution to the wind with this one, too. He leaned over without touching Joonmyun aside from the brush of his lips against the elder’s, careful but not shy. It felt different and yet like no time had passed at all between them; both like kissing a stranger for the first time and like welcoming back someone he missed for too long. “Do you hate me right now as well?” He spoke up in a low voice without drawing back more than necessary, eyes still fixed on the other’s mouth rather than meeting his gaze this time. If Joonmyun decided to push him away, he would find out soon enough.
Jamie saying that he returned because Joonmyun called him made the older Ixtab want to almost laugh, though it would have been humorless if he had. And yet he simply remained expressionless, unless one was paying close enough attention to notice the twitch in his right eyebrow that showed his displeasure. There was plenty that was never explicitly said between the two of them, everything hidden in subtle gestures because neither wanted to admit to feeling anything. They were too similar, this much Joonmyun knew only too well, and thus why he knew in a way that things would always be somewhat tense between them.
When Jamie mentioned he wouldn't do the same given the chance, Suho shook his head once. "Saying you'd do something differently now, in hindsight, doesn't exactly change anything," he shrugged, still feeling rather more upset at the situation than he had ever given words to. As it was his tone was still controlled, both wanting Jamie to know his irritation and not wanting to appear weak because of it. However, the elder was caught off-guard when Jamie leaned forward and kissed him. He froze for a moment, fleeting thoughts running through the back of his mind that he shouldn't have missed the feeling of Jamie's lips against his and the underlying feeling of anger that still persisted.
Joonmyun hadn't returned the kiss when Jamie pulled away again, the question coming to him and causing a slight twitch to the side of his mouth. "I want to hate you," he said, though his voice was much quieter than it had been, "But I don't think I can." Though a part of him wanted revenge and to push him away like he felt Jamie had pushed him, he found his hand going to the other's waist to pull him in closer, and this time he pressed his mouth against Jamie's. His actions were still slightly unsure, his mouth hesitant and his hand touching the younger as though he were fragile.
never too late | joonmyun&jamie
Colleagues and friends. Jamie wasn’t sure if he wanted to scoff or nod and ended up settling into the safe middle ground of doing neither. While not per se wrong, what Joonmyun did right now breached the whole act of ‘lying by omission’ and it was perhaps the most cowardly and most upsetting way of stepping around the truth. Except that, in this case, the ground surrounding said truth was littered with landmines and made the younger Ixtab very sure that it was just a matter of time before they’d set one of them off. “Well, you’re already doing a bad job at treating me like a student if that was your plan,” he couldn’t help but point out in a dry tone and with a nod towards the wine in front of them, a laugh playing around his lips but it lacked all genuine humor.
"And I don’t know either." While Jamie continued, he propped up his arms on his knees; hands pressing together until his fingertips rested right below his chin and held his head up that way. That position made it easier to stare across the room all nonchalantly instead of looking back at Joonmyun when he added another question. "What do you want to be?” It was a loaded question in every aspect and as soon as the words left his lips, the Ixtab already stepped down from any hopes or expectations of getting a solid answer. Decades of silence and an even longer amount of time spent within comfortably blurred boundaries were not so easily broken or swayed.
"That I’m shutting down," he really tried not to echo that phrase back at Joonmyun mockingly and he really failed at doing so, “probably seems that way because I’m not sure what to expect from you this time.” Jamie had been the one to cut most ties between them last time, he was well aware of that. Jamie had been the one to bring this distance between them and yes, now Jamie was the one expecting someone else to make the first step back — mainly, because he wanted to know if the other would still be willing to do so before those hopes could get shot down as well.
Their whole conversation was littered with the same message that it all seemed to boil down to: they were both too afraid to talk about what they were explicitly, or what they had been, and both of them were expecting something from one another that they probably wouldn’t get. At least that’s how he assumed it was, and a soft sigh left him at the other’s words. The problem was, he didn’t know what he wanted them to be. A part of him wanted them to just go back to what they had been, a part of him wanted them to not be anything, and mostly that just left him more confused than he’d been in a very long while. “I don’t know what I want to be,” he admitted, a rare moment of admitting completely that he didn’t have the answers. Most of the time he tried to command some form of always knowing, but he simply didn’t this time. “I don’t know what to expect from you either,” he said with a shrug at the other’s words that followed. “I don’t want us to have this…sense of discomfort around one another, but I don’t know how to bridge that. Sometimes I hate you, sometimes I miss you, or maybe I just miss what I remember you as,” he finally uttered, though his voice was soft and his gaze cast down into his wine glass. “You left, and you were the one who didn’t want to be around me any more even though you never even said why. So why did you come back? What made you decide you suddenly wanted to be around me again after these decades of barely speaking? Did you think we were going to just be fine again, or that we‘d just ignore what had happened like we always seem to step around everything else?” this time his voice had a slightly more clipped edge to it, but he was still calm. He was always calm.
Ⓢ.Ⓞ.Ⓢ || Joonmyun & Zitao
"We weren’t fine together, that is a fucking lie." Zitao spat. "I didn’t run away to join your enemies. I ran away and then I tried to contact new allies. I never ran towards them, I just ran away from the torture and the filthy ixtab ways.” He trembled, he knew he was too weak for this but seemingly the anger made the adrenaline in his body fuel him. “We weren’t fine, I wasn’t fine.” He added softly.
Yet the final blow came in the next sentence and Zitao stared at the other. “You knew.” He whispered in a pained way. “You-” At a loss for words he looked at the ground, at the ruffled bedsheets and then back at the other. “Who you fuck is god damn business because I was your second in command and Captains aren’t allowed sexual relationships. No matter what I was feeling. You were a bad leader.” He added in spite. “I was the one running most things.” Zitao opened the door and leaned against it. Glaring at the ixtab.
"I might return t the Ixtab one day." he whispered. "But I will never return to you. And if you think I am weak, you should look in the fucking mirror. What are you even doing here.” Tears streamed down his face now, unashamed he let them. “Next time I’m dying.” He added “You better fuck off and let me die. Because I would not want to be saved by you.”
And with that he slammed the door close.
Joonmyun wasn't surprised, to say the least, when Zitao got increasingly more angry with him. He had preyed on the most sensitive areas of the other, he'd wanted him to get angry, wanted to hurt him. If for nothing else because it was easier to possibly not care about someone if they hated him as much as he wanted to hate them. "I never neglected my duties, Zitao, and you know that. You can't make me feel bad about this because I don't feel bad about it, and I never will. You didn't run anything other than your assigned jobs," he dismissed the accusation. While Joonmyun had surely done a few questionable things in his time, he knew he had never neglected his job.
As he listened to Zitao speak of never returning to him, there was a clenching in his stomach that he would later deny. Something he didn't want to be feeling, a certain guilt that hadn't been associated with his person in too many years. But he simply let him go, and he wouldn't chase after him, and he didn't plan on righting things anytime soon. Too much had happened, and he didn't know how to be around Zitao or Jamie, if the truth was told. Perhaps he was weak, a fallen captain who couldn't even regain shreds of control after so many years.
With a sigh, he stood from his desk and began stripping the bed of the blood-stained linens, knowing they needed to be cleaned before anything else. If there was this much chaos, he would find the order within it, and of course, ignore the feeling of wanting to go to Zitao.
Ⓢ.Ⓞ.Ⓢ || Joonmyun & Zitao
Weak. And there it was. One word that made Zitao freeze, the floor seeming a warmer surface than the cold that spread through his body at that moment. His captain called him weak. The alien moved slowly, the metallic hand lifting him up without trouble as the other parts of his body refused to work along. “Weak.” He repeated as his eyes found those of the captain again in an unbelieving anger. “Weak.” Looking around he nodded to himself as he made himself sit up and grunt. “Weak.” he said a third and last time before he pulled himself on his trembling legs, hands around the bedpost.
"I didn’t expect you-" He said softly "To become like this, Joonmyun." He managed to get one foot in front of the other as he stammered towards the door. "I didn’t leave you and Jamjam because I wanted to. I left you because I didn’t want to be a bother, I wanted to protect you from my own view on life." He added. "I tried to explain but you never understood, and I guess you never will." Heartbreak flashed through his eyes. "You fucked Jamie." He blurted out. "You fucked Jamie and you broke the rules and I never did. I was not weak you were weak.”
The alien rested against the wall as tears welled up in his eyes. Angry tears of betrayal. “While I did my job, you were fucking Jamie and you didn’t even bat an eye at me.” He shook his head. “I am many things, I might be a coward, I am not as smart as Jamie and I can’t fly a ship or even bake a steak.” he wheezed “But I am not weak.”
Joonmyun hadn't expected that the simple word would draw such a reaction out of the other, and a brow lifted as he turned to look at him. In a strange way, though, it was relieving to finally see Zitao become angry this way, instead of just hurt like he had been for so long. "You left because you couldn't handle it. I'd never considered you a bother, you were my second in command, Zitao, would I allow that to someone I didn't respect or to someone who was a bother? I didn't care that you didn't agree with us, it was about the fact that during a time when we were all so vulnerable, you ran away. We would have been fine together, and figured things out, but instead you ran away to join our enemies."
The words that came about Jamie, however, brought a frown to his expression. "Who I fuck is none of your business, Zitao. I don't know what that even has to do with this conversation. Are you still hurt because I fucked Jamie while you had that sad little puppy crush on us both? Is that the real issue here?" he finally asked, his tone far more weary than it had been a moment before. He'd never fully acknowledged that he had been aware of Zitao's feelings, but here it was.
"You are weak, you sit here and play the victim all the time because 'we don't understand' that you can't handle useless humans dying. Because we don't exactly want to associate with you after you were the one that left us, even if with your own martyred reasons."
Ⓢ.Ⓞ.Ⓢ || Joonmyun & Zitao
"Perhaps." Zitao said, wondering whether he wanted to keep them inside of him or not. And wondering is Joonmyun would try to get them out of his system now that he was reminded of their existence. Zitao glared at the other as he reprimanded him, his pride welling up what was quite the achievement with how weak he felt. "What is it then?" he blurted out. "Saving me once for good old times?" His eyes were filled with both hurt and anger. "I don’t understand. Jamie wanted me dead so why not you?" He had not forgotten meeting Em, meeting Em and hearing she had heard of him from Jamie. Meeting Em and being spared by her rather than her brother.
"I’ll walk myself then. I don’t want you to bother more with me than you already did." Zitao muttered, sitting up and swinging his legs off the bed as he groaned. He was angry, hurt, confused, happy and then more angry and sad. What Joonmyun did wasn’t making sense to him and to be near the otherw was a challenge on his own. Zitao didn’t like how Suho snorted, as if it had been one of Jamie’s and his quarrels back on the ship rather than an actual fight on earth after over 50 years of hatred. "You changed." Zitao noted as the captain returned. Watching the other as he almost ordered him, Zitao, stubborn as he was refused and tried to stand up on his own. "In his leg, no vital parts were harmed." he muttered as he trembled on his legs and then stumbled over, hitting the ground and whining.
Ashamed he rested his head against the cold floor and refused to look up. “Can’t you just leave me here for a few hours so I can leave myself after I got strong enough?” He asked softly. “I don’t want you to help me. I don’t want you to help me and then never speak to me again. I can’t deal with losing you and Jamjam again. Please just leave me”
Joonmyun suppressed a sigh at the other's questions of why he didn't want him dead. He didn't want to say it, wasn't going to say it. Not like this, at least, with Zitao's defenses up so high and them both feeling mildly irritated at this point. "I don't know, I just didn't want you to die like that, is that so hard to believe? Jamie and I are two different people, and whether or not he wants you dead is between you and he. But I never wanted that. I wish you wouldn't have left, I wish you would learn to not be so weak, but I don't want you dead," he finally offered, a slight hiss in his voice.
The Ixtab shook his head at the other's attempt at getting up, wanting to remind him that he should have just taken the offer. "Of course I've changes, what do you expect? You've changed as well," he shook his head, leaving him where he was since it seemed as though Zitao didn't want any help from him. Perhaps he was aware that he was a bit embittered over this situation as well, but it wasn't going to change any time soon.
"Fine, stay as long as you need. But when you leave, don't let anyone see you," he said dismissively, "If you'd prefer it this way, however, then fine, I will leave you alone. If you can't just trust that I wanted to help you..." he waved the issue away, going back over to his desk to continue working silently.
Ⓢ.Ⓞ.Ⓢ || Joonmyun & Zitao
His whole body was hurting, and now his heart and mind was too. Being so close to Joonmyun was torture in it’s own sweet way and the alien shivered involuntary every time the other alien spoke. The soft voice making him want more and at the same time wish he had hearing damage. “I’ll be fine.” Zitao lied, not willing to show more weakness in front of his Captain. He grunted a little “Enough medicine.” He added stubbornly as he wondered how far it was from this dorm to his own dormitory.
When captain said that Zitao had not disappointed him he looked up in hope before he realized that the other was speaking about this situation, not the other one and he nodded slowly. “I didn’t think those were still working..” He mumbled, remembering getting the implants and feeling deeply honored to share such a bond with his captain. “I’m sorry for disturbing you, captain.” He added softly, feeling more guilty than anything else. He knew that Joonmyun and Jamie preferred not to be close to him, preferred not to even see him, and here he was bleeding on captain’s sheets and making his day worse.
"I put down my command, switched alliances.." Zitao mumbled, unsure what Joonmyun meant with one of them and he frowned. Even if he craved the other to accept him again, to respect him once more, this was… odd. Zitao eyed him suspicious "Last time we spoke, you weren’t so… forgiving." He whispered as he leaned away a little. "You seemed like you would have let me die without a thought back then." He muttered and grabbed his wound as he winced and wondered whether he could get Sungyeol to play nurse for him in the upcoming days. "Captain…" He whispered as he eyed the male. "Don’t give me this false kindness if you are just going to ignore me again when I stopped bleeding." Zitao murmured and tried to get up, nearly falling off the bed and then looking around.
"Do you have a phone? Someone.. I need to call, bring me to my dorm." he felt uncomfortable, suspicious and confused. His heart was swelling with love for his captain yet his mind told him this was bullshit. "I need to call Sung… he will pick me up.." He mumbled and then eyed the captain. "I shot Jamie last time I saw him." He didn’t exactly know why he mentioned it, perhaps to see how the captain would react? Or maybe because he felt dizzy as fuck.
"I didn't know they were still in effect either, but maybe since we haven't been in the same vicinity for so long they were just dormant," he shrugged a little, still a bit more disturbed by the whole thing than he was willing to let on. As it was, he wanted a reason for why he seemed to care, but there wasn't any. Not any that he could articulate at least. It wasn't as though he had forgiven him, of course, he still held the same amount of resentment he always had. But it was almost as though he'd simply realized that even if he felt betrayed by him, and was still angry at him, it didn't mean that he simply stopped caring what happened to him.
Though of course, that realization didn't make anything easier since that was verging on too much emotion for his liking. But all those years together meant more than could be cast away, apparently. Which was ironic since he'd been with some of his wives for a good many years and he didn't even bother to worry about them, but that was a different story, he supposed. When Zitao began calling his kindness false, however, he resisted the urge to snap at him. "It isn't false kindness, if I wanted some harm to come to you, I would have left you or killed you myself," he reminded him.
However, when he began asking for someone else, Joonmyun's jaw clenched ever so slightly. "No, I'm not going to have a student come to this dorm and see this predicament. I'll help you to your room, then you can call whoever you like, alright?" his tone had gone slightly more stand-offish than it had been a mere moment before. "Let me get dressed and I'll help you," he mumbled, though the words about shooting Jamie brought a snort from him. "You two," he simply said with a shake of his head, almost affectionate again for their bickering, before leaving the other alone as he slipped on more fitting clothes to go out of the room in. It didn't take him but a few moments to return, going to the bed expectantly. "Here, let me help you up," he said, though it was more of an order than an offer. "Where did you shoot him, anyway?"
never too late | joonmyun&jamie
They must have looked so different from a stranger’s point of view. Like a visual representation of just how far they had actually drifted apart and it was a bittersweet irony to realize that sometimes time didn’t mend any wounds but only made them deeper, made the gaps between them wider. He was glad when Joonmyun drew his hand back but felt frustrated about it at the same time, so that the other’s words only earned him a quiet scoff from the blond. “Mh, I wouldn’t say that. You can speak for yourself, but look at me, I think I did pretty good,” he still responded with irony and humor in his voice, even if it was just there to mask feelings which neither of them wanted to show.
Even after all these years, he could see past Joonmyun’s facade too easily and the only reason why he didn’t do so right now was because he was afraid of what he might find there. “Emilia has been fine,” it followed then, accompanied by a shrug. “If you don’t mind, I really don’t want to talk about her though.” Anything else he could have said was drowned as he lifted the wine glass to his lips again and emptied it, faster than it was good perhaps, but those were none of his concerns right now. Instead, what followed was silence. A long silence, the kind that stretched out without hinting at what was going to happen next, until Jamie turned his head to look back at the other Ixtab; delicate glass still held between his fingers. And this time he made no attempt to hide the way he studied him: starting at Joonmyun’s eyes, his gaze skimmed over the contours of his face like his touch had done once; lingered on the places where the mask on his face used to crack a little, depending on which emotions the other wanted to conceal, as if Jamie tried to gauge what was going on inside of him after all.
Blue eyes kept flickering down to his lips as well, repeatedly, as if he just couldn’t resist the reflex, and although it seemed as if he wanted to speak up several times, just for the fraction of a second, it stayed silent. The metaphorical calm before the storm. “Are we going to keep skirting around the real issues here? Things I know you might want to ask me?” When Jamie finally spoke, his voice was equally controlled; the distinctive rough edge to it whenever he spoke quietly, but laced with no judgement or obvious emotion. He was throwing the confrontation out there like a bait Joonmyun only needed to take, except that he was no hunter looking to harm him in the process. All the younger wanted was to get rid of the awkward feeling between them, for now.
It was strange, before when they had first come to the academy, they had been fine, and the distance between them had been seemingly gone. Of course, it was very obvious that it had simply been an illusion more than anything, and the strange silence that had encompassed them for too long had driven the wedge deeper than they had at first acknowledged. But sitting there, alone and in the silence of the room made it abundantly clear. "Sure," he agreed to dismiss the topic of Em with a shrug, allowing the silence to stretch between them. Another sip of wine, and he could feel the younger's eyes upon him.
He glanced toward Jamie, his expression as carefully blank as it almost always was. It was a tactic of having been without emotion for all too long, because showing any semblance of feeling was weakness. When Jamie finally spoke, he offered a quiet hum. So there it was. He knew it was coming, there was something between them that clearly needed passing, though Joonmyun wasn't fully sure how to approach it. Or even what, exactly, he wanted to say. "Hm. What is it that you perceive to be the 'real issues?'" he questioned, though he knew that question could potentially be confrontational itself. But it was a genuine question, in ways.
"I don't know, I suppose I'm just unsure how to act around you without you getting so incredibly defensive or shutting down. It's been a long time, and of course things have changed. I just don't know what we're supposed to be to one another," he added, though paused for a brief moment. "Because at this academy, you're a student and I'm supposed to regard you as such, but formerly we were colleagues and friends," he added. Of course, there was also more to it than that, but that was a whole different area he didn't exactly want to go into at this very moment.
businessmyeon
❂ | Space; the final frontier | Joonmyun & Zitao
All Zitao could do was nod and agree with Captain joonmyun, after all what was there to do differently? He agreed wholeheartedly to everything Joonmyun said anyway. He thanked the captain with his whole being when the man said that if Zitao had concerns he could come to the captain himself. The honor was too big for the poor alien yet he just smiled, nodded and agreed before going to his station.
As the lunch time had started Zitao was just glad he survived his day without making anything explode or spit as he talked to a high ranked officer or something like that. A deep, dark blush spread over Zitao’s cheeks as the captain spoke to him, he looked up and smiled awkwardly. “A-ah.. Captain Suho-” he stood up immediately and only sat down again when Suho sat down as well, swallowing he nodded. “Yes captain, I’m sorry captain but-” he hesitated as he looked at the other new crew members. “I do not go very well with others my age captain, never have.” He admitted with a small smile and prodded his food with the fork. “I am used to being alone captain, thank you for the concern.” He nodded and took a bite, too nervous to chew properly he nearly choked on the food.
"A-ah" He laughed a little. "I’m.. okay. it is weird such a large ship, but I am really excited about the weapons on board, and the technology…" His face lit up as he spoke about weapons. "I love the new class weapons the ship carries, that is why I applied for this ship in particular.. among.. other reasons, captain." he cleared his throat. "I do miss my caretakers and my best friend though. But that is normal I think for a first timer, right?"
Joonmyun didn't expect the other to stand when he approached, though he did like that at least it showed he had good manners, something the Ixtab valued incredibly highly. Of course, he also noticed the blush, but simply assumed it was because he was embarrassed to be caught off-guard. He knew the other would learn, and he would get more comfortable with everything, and he hoped that mean the blushing wouldn't continue. Not that he minded, necessarily, but he didn't want Zitao to feel embarrassed all the time at least.
A slight smile ghosted his face at the nickname "Suho" being used, the nickname having been bestowed on him in a few joking ships past, and it seemed as though it had spread here to the new members as well. How cute. "Ah, I see. Well it's important to be able to function both alone and in groups," he nodded, taking a sip of his coffee, glancing up with a slightly concerned expression, brow furrowed slightly, when the younger almost choked. "But I'm sure you'll get more comfortable as you spend more time with them," he finished the thought after he knew the other wasn't going to fall over and die or something. Not that he'd let that happen, but nonetheless.
He listened to the excitement, and nerves, that were laced in Zitao's voice. "Well, I'm certainly glad you did apply here," he gave a nod, wondering briefly what the other reasons were, but didn't bother to ask before Zitao mentioned missing people. "Of course that's normal. Sometimes I still miss friends," he added, though it wasn't really all that true. He just wanted him to not feel so out of place. The clock behind Zitao's head informed him that they had a few more minutes. Not too long, of course, he always had to cut short his break times since there was always too much to do. "What kind of life did you lead down there? With as much work as you did to get here, I can't imagine you had much free time," he questioned, obviously indicating their home planet, before the other had signed on as a soldier.
