Paring: Melissa schemmenti x fem y/n
Summary: y/n and Melissa were kinda work friends but also not? She does bully y/n a good amount! But they do like each other in a way. One day y/n brings a Walmart chicken Alfredo thing that you can warm up in the microwave. (If you know what I mean then you know that shit is nasty!). Melissa saw it, and forced y/n to learn how to cook actual Italian food. With the two besties of course!
Characters: Melissa, Barbara, Janine, Jacob
Warnings: use of y/n, pure fluff! Bullying- but it’s from Melissa so it’s ok, Janine & Jacob just being them,
Today, Y/N walked into school looking way too cheerful, enough for Melissa and Barbara to notice right away. Melissa leaned against a desk, arms crossed, giving Y/N a skeptical once-over.
“Hey, what’s got you all giddy today, kid?” The sarcasm was obvious, but Y/N didn’t care.
“I got one of my favorite foods for lunch today!” she announced proudly.
Melissa scoffed. “That’s it? Jeez, kid, had me thinkin’ you scored a date or somethin’.”
Y/N rolled her eyes. “For your information, I could easily pull more than one date.”
Melissa smirked, poking Y/N’s forehead. “Oh yeah? What, you bag another grandma, ya little grandma eater?”
Y/N’s face turned bright red as she swatted at Melissa’s arm. “Oh, fuck you!”
Barbara let out a long, tired sigh. “Melissa, dear, would you please stop teasing Y/N?”
Melissa just grinned while Barbara tried (and failed) to suppress a laugh. Y/N huffed and walked away, making Barbara chuckle as she watched her go.
“Now, Melissa, that was quite rude… Keep that up, and she just might run off with your mother if you’re not careful.” She covered her mouth, chuckling, while Melissa grinned and elbowed her playfully.
“Hey, at least she’s got high standards.”
While at lunch, Y/N stood by the cupboards, waiting for her chicken alfredo to finish heating up in the microwave. As the timer ticked down, Melissa and Barbara walked into the lounge, heading straight for their usual table.
Melissa barely sat down before noticing Y/N and raising a suspicious eyebrow.
“Hey, kid. What’re you nukin’ in the microwave?”
Y/N turned to her with a smirk. “Well, since you asked so nicely~”
The microwave beeped, and Y/N opened the door, pulling out her meal with a proud grin. “Chicken alfredo—my favorite!”
Melissa took one look at it and recoiled in horror. “What the hell is that? That ain’t Italian food… looks like it crawled straight outta hell.”
Y/N pouted as she took a seat beside Melissa and Barbara. “Well, I got it from Walmart…” She rubbed the back of her neck with an awkward chuckle. “I can’t cook, so this is the next best thing.”
Melissa stared at the plastic container like it had personally offended her entire lineage. “You oughta march yourself right back to where ya came from!”
Y/N tilted her head in confusion. “Britain?”
Melissa blinked, then shook her head. “No! Hell! You need to go back to hell! ’Cause there’s no way I’m lettin’ you eat that disgrace of Italian food in front of me, kid.”
Y/N shrugged and took a big bite. “Oops~”
Melissa turned away, pretending to gag. Barbara chuckled, already knowing where this was headed.
Without warning, Melissa snatched the bowl from Y/N’s hands.
“Hey!” Y/N jumped up, trying to grab it back, but Melissa stood up, holding it just out of reach.
“This smells—and probably tastes—like ass! No way am I subjectin’ myself to that kinda torture.”
“You’re being dramatic!” Y/N huffed, still trying to reach for it.
Melissa didn’t argue. Instead, she marched over to the trash can and dumped the entire meal.
Y/N gasped, looking between Melissa and the camera crew in shock. “What the fu—”
Before she could finish, Melissa shoved a spoonful of actual Italian food into her mouth.
Y/N’s eyes widened as she chewed, letting out an involuntary moan. “Oh my God… this is amazing! What is it?”
Melissa smirked. “It’s called Penne alla Vodka, and it’s homemade—none of that store-bought garbage.”
Y/N’s eyes sparkled. “Can I have some more?!”
Melissa scoffed. “How ‘bout I do ya one better? Why don’t you come to my house, and I’ll teach ya how to actually cook, kid?”
Y/N was about to answer when Janine suddenly chimed in.
“Melissa, can we help you? I really wanna learn how to cook like you!”
Then Jacob jumped in too. “Oh! Me too! I really wanna learn so I can make something for my boyfriend! He would love it if I brought home some leftovers like that! He’d probably go on a whole tangent about the cultural significance of a homemade meal—honestly, I’d eat it up.”
Melissa shot them both a glare. “No—”
“Of course! It would be so fun if we could all hang out!” Y/N beamed at them.
Melissa groaned, looking over at Barbara for backup.
Barbara just sighed, shaking her head. She knew exactly what had happened. Melissa had set this whole thing up just to get some one-on-one time with Y/N.
And it had completely backfired.
Soft knocks echoed from the door, and Melissa instantly knew it was Y/N. With a sigh, she walked over and pulled it open—only to freeze in place.
Y/N stood there, grinning, dressed in a white apron with “Kiss the Chef” plastered across the chest. Her hair was tucked under a black hairnet, and she looked way too excited.
“I’m here!” Y/N announced cheerfully.
Before Melissa could even process it, Janine and Jacob popped out from nowhere.
“Oh! Uh, hi! Yep, we’re here too! Just, you know, also existing in this space!” Janine yelped.
“Affirmative!” Jacob chimed in. “Present and accounted for! Part of the group! Not to be overlooked!”
Melissa scowled, then scoffed. “Oh, great. I gotta teach a bunch of jabronis how to cook. This is gonna be a disaster.”
With a dramatic sigh, she stepped aside, letting them in. As Y/N walked past, Melissa reached out and smacked the hairnet off her head.
“Hey!” Y/N protested, glaring at her.
Melissa just rolled her eyes, stuffing the net into her pocket. “Oh, no, no, no. You are not wearing that in my house. I got standards.”
Y/N huffed and, in retaliation, accidentally stepped on Melissa’s foot. Without missing a beat, Melissa grabbed the front of Y/N’s shirt and yanked her straight into the kitchen.
Janine and Jacob exchanged a wide-eyed glance.
“Oh!” Janine whispered excitedly. “Did Melissa just completely ignore Y/N’s kicking? Like… not even a single cuss word in Italian? Not even a little one?”
Jacob smirked. “Gasp—” he actually said the word gasp. “I think she did… which is honestly impressive. But, uh, should we maybe—just hypothetically—try to get them together? You know, as a fun little social experiment?”
Their grins grew in unison.
“Yes, yes! A hundred times yes!” Janine practically vibrated with excitement. “This is exactly the kind of thing I was born to do!”
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Melissa scowled at whatever scheme those two were undoubtedly cooking up. This was gonna be a long night.
The kitchen was bustling with activity as Y/N, Melissa, Jacob, and—of course—Janine worked together to make Chicken Alfredo.
Jacob was mincing the garlic with intense focus (a very tiny type of cut, to be exact), while Janine handled boiling the noodles like it was the most important task in the world. Melissa was in charge of the sauce, stirring with practiced ease, and Y/N was busy chopping up the chicken—if you could call it that.
Y/N had one eye squeezed shut and her tongue slightly sticking out in concentration, making her look like a cartoon character. Melissa glanced over mid-stir, catching sight of the ridiculous expression. With a scoff and a smirk, she put the spoon down and walked over, standing directly behind Y/N.
“The hell kinda cutting is that?” Melissa huffed, watching Y/N struggle with the knife. “Even my sister could do better—and she once brought a disgrace of a dish to my grandma’s funeral. Absolute embarrassment.”
Before Y/N could protest, Melissa reached out, wrapping her hands over Y/N’s to guide the knife properly. The movement was natural, but suddenly, Y/N could feel Melissa’s breath near her neck, her firm grip steadying her hands. Her face warmed slightly, but she focused on the chicken, ignoring the fact that Melissa’s arms were practically around her.
Across the kitchen, Jacob and Janine stared, their eyes comically wide—like something straight out of an anime.
But before the moment could linger, Y/N abruptly elbowed Melissa in the stomach.
Melissa reeled back with a grunt, clutching her abdomen. “God damn, kid! If you didn’t want me touchin’ you, you coulda just said so! No need to get all punchy about it!”
Y/N turned around, biting her lip, looking somewhat guilty—but also thoroughly amused.
“I’m… pfft—” She tried to hold it in but ultimately burst into laughter.
Melissa rolled her eyes but couldn’t help smirking. “Yeah… sure. You’re real sorry.”
The rest of the night was nothing short of amazing. They talked, they laughed, and they just enjoyed each other’s company. It was a fun, easygoing evening—except for one tiny, glaring problem.
Janine and Jacob were beyond frustrated with Melissa. She kept getting chance after chance to just man up and kiss Y/N—so many chances! And yet, every single time, she let them slip right through her fingers. They even tried to help, nudging her along, dropping hints so obvious a brick wall would’ve caught on. But nothing.
By the end of the night, they just couldn’t take it anymore.
They were in the middle of a game when Jacob suddenly shot to his feet, exhaling the most dramatic sigh.
“I can’t do this anymore! Melissa, I know you like Y/N! You’re practically over the moon for her! And you, Y/N—I swear, some days I genuinely wonder how you manage to keep your emotions in check! At this point, you’re both just acting like a couple, but without all the kissing! And honestly? It’s driving me insane! So, please, for the sake of my sanity—fix it. Right now. Just kiss already!”
Y/N and Melissa sat there, eyes wide, faces burning red.
“E-excuse me?…” Y/N stuttered, blinking rapidly.
Melissa crossed her arms, furrowing her brows in pure denial. “W-what the hell are you talkin’ about, Jacob?”
Janine groaned, throwing her hands in the air. “Ugh! I swear, you guys!”
And before either of them could react, she shoved Y/N straight into Melissa.
Y/N’s eyes went comically wide at first, but then Melissa’s hands instinctively found her hips, steadying her. The shock faded, and Y/N’s eyes fluttered shut as Melissa—ever the overachiever—deepened the kiss without hesitation.
Janine and Jacob exchanged the most victorious grins.
After all that hard work—finally.
This is a little shorter than usual! So my apologies. Also school and shit has been getting to me so I haven’t been able to write as more! It’s quite sad to be honest! Hopefully I can get my brain juices working again soon!
