OLD WHITE MEN LOVE IT WHEN YOU SLUT-SHAME
Slut-shaming: In which a woman is labeled a “slut” or “whore” for enjoying sex (or even just looking like they might) and is subsequently punished socially.
Interestingly, only girls and women are called to task for their sexuality; boys and men are congratulated for the exact same behavior. This is the essence of the sexual double standard: boys will be boys, and girls will be sluts.
Unless, of course, you’re not a slut, in which case you are some variation of the following: a frigid bitch, a cock-tease, a boring prude, or matronly purveyor of the Friend Zone.
Basically, if you’re a woman, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you refrain from any expression of sexiness, you may be written off as irrelevant and unfeminine, but if you follow the male-written guidelines, you run the risk of being judged, shamed and policed. It’s super awesome.
You might think: But Izzy, given this set of circumstances, isn’t it preferable for a girl or woman to abstain from sexual expression? To that I say nay. Putting aside the inherent sexism of this assertion, it shouldn’t make any difference whether a girl or woman is sexually active, or even utters any expression of sexuality. The problem is in the way in which society interprets this perceived behavior. Because here’s the thing: slut-shaming is not really about women’s sexuality. It is grounded in the belief that men have the right to assert themselves, and women do not.
It’s not a new phenomenon – just ask Monica Lewinsky – but in the social-media age, it’s becoming more toxic than ever. One scroll through my Instagram feed on any given day proves this. Hordes of (usually male) users comment on young girls’ selfies and bikini shots, dubbing them whores and sluts just for showing a little flesh or wearing red lipstick (this normally follows failed attempts to hit on these girls, may I add – it’s amazing how much slut-shaming is derived from rejection-induced bitterness). Don’t these girls know nobody will ever respect them now?
As an aside, I actually really admire people who slut-shame on the internet. Usually when someone has a low IQ they try to hide it, but these guys just throw it right out there in the public domain.
Never mind that these same dudes then go and spend five dollars a week on top-shelf glamor magazines with oiled-up naked models splashed on the front cover. You can buy tits, but you can’t have tits. That would be absurd!!
In fact, I think in the manual they hand out to girls at birth, the chapter on sexuality should start with the disclaimer: “Unless an old white man can profit from your sexuality, you better hide it, because if it can’t be exploited, it will be punished.”
Our sexuality is a commodity, and thus the principles of supply and demand can be applied. If we’re sexy but untouchable, we’re in short supply. Demand goes up. And because demand goes up, the aforementioned old white man can charge more money for it. But if we give it away freely? If we actually have sex – and have the audacity to enjoy it? Supply is booming. Profit margins die. Old white men can’t make as much money, so they get out their sticks and beat us into slut-shamed submission. And the rest of society buys into it.
When you’re a young girl, your developing sexuality is a loaded weapon. You should polish it to a shine for the sake of the male gaze, but you shouldn’t seek any enjoyment from it yourself. Play with power, as long as you never claim it. Enact desire, as long as you don’t follow through.
From The Exact Opposite of Okay by Laura Steven. Text copyright © 2018 Laura Steven
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