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@izzyoneill-blog
an aesthetic I made for The Exact Opposite of Okay by @lauramsteven xx
Bitches bite back. And men hate that. Society hates that.
Laura Steven, The Exact Opposite of Okay (via thatblondewoman)
What do I want to be now? Bold. Fierce. Honest. A fighter. A revolutionary. A bitch. Because the way the world treats teenage girls—as sluts, as objects, as bitches—is not okay. It’s the exact opposite of okay. ( The Exact Opposite of Okay by Laura Steven )
bitches bite back / the exact opposite of okay
I get why he's lashing out. As a privileged white dude, he's used to being able to buy whatever he wants. He lives in a country where even the presidency can be bought. But he can't buy my love. And that frustrates the hell out of him.
Laura Steven, The Exact Opposite of Okay
THE FRIEND ZONE IS AS REAL AS NARNIA
The Friend Zone: An imaginary area filled with self-professed Nice Guys who’ve been sexually rejected by women they’ve been Nice to. See also: A convenient social construct designed to comfort men who cannot cope with rejection. See also: A manipulative tool used by Nice Guys to make a woman feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with them.
The Nice Guy Phenomenon: In which self-entitled men believe that if they spend enough time with a woman and aren’t explicitly terrible to them, it’s unfair when the woman doesn’t then suck their penis and/or fall in love with them.
Poor Nice Guys. It must be so difficult, putting all of that effort into pretending to be a decent human being without being rewarded with sex or love afterward. They listen to our problems, buy us gifts, shower us with compliments, talk to us about all the other horrible guys we’re dating, and yet! And yet we still don’t tear our clothes off and fall into their arms. We keep going for those other dudes, the ones with charisma and personality. The ones we’re attracted to, the ones who make us laugh, the ones who make us feel good. It is just so unreasonable and infuriating. They must really regret falling for such a Bitch.
To that I say: cry me a river. You should be nice because it’s the right thing to do. If you’re nice because you want something in return, you’re probably not that nice at all.
I mean, maybe we can blame Hollywood. The invariable message of most romantic comedies is that men can be as lazy or slutty or awkward or obnoxious as they like, but as long as they’re relatively nice and keep trying, they’ll get the girl in the end. The below-average and perilously flawed man always ends up with the beautiful girl if he puts in a little effort and isn’t an outright dickhead to her. The bar is so low that Nice Guys who watch it must see it and think, huh. I can do that. And if I do, I’ll get any woman I want. Who is she to say no? Who is she to have a choice?
But I’ve got a news flash for you, Nice Guys: the world doesn’t work that way. Sure, it’d be great if you could get anything you wanted – a job, a promotion, a mortgage – by being a semi-decent person and trying quite hard, but that’s not reality. Just ask the millions of disadvantaged people around the world who face discrimination based on their gender, race, sexuality, class and disabilities every day.
That’s probably why the Nice Guys are so angry. In a system that inherently favors them, it’s the first time they aren’t automatically getting what they want just because they want it. Their privilege
is no longer doing the heavy lifting, and they’re mad about it.
This entitlement has to stop. The world owes you nothing. Girls owe you nothing.
We do like good guys. You just aren’t one of them.
From The Exact Opposite of Okay by Laura Steven. Text copyright © 2018 Laura Steven
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OLD WHITE MEN LOVE IT WHEN YOU SLUT-SHAME
Slut-shaming: In which a woman is labeled a “slut” or “whore” for enjoying sex (or even just looking like they might) and is subsequently punished socially.
Interestingly, only girls and women are called to task for their sexuality; boys and men are congratulated for the exact same behavior. This is the essence of the sexual double standard: boys will be boys, and girls will be sluts.
Unless, of course, you’re not a slut, in which case you are some variation of the following: a frigid bitch, a cock-tease, a boring prude, or matronly purveyor of the Friend Zone.
Basically, if you’re a woman, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you refrain from any expression of sexiness, you may be written off as irrelevant and unfeminine, but if you follow the male-written guidelines, you run the risk of being judged, shamed and policed. It’s super awesome.
You might think: But Izzy, given this set of circumstances, isn’t it preferable for a girl or woman to abstain from sexual expression? To that I say nay. Putting aside the inherent sexism of this assertion, it shouldn’t make any difference whether a girl or woman is sexually active, or even utters any expression of sexuality. The problem is in the way in which society interprets this perceived behavior. Because here’s the thing: slut-shaming is not really about women’s sexuality. It is grounded in the belief that men have the right to assert themselves, and women do not.
It’s not a new phenomenon – just ask Monica Lewinsky – but in the social-media age, it’s becoming more toxic than ever. One scroll through my Instagram feed on any given day proves this. Hordes of (usually male) users comment on young girls’ selfies and bikini shots, dubbing them whores and sluts just for showing a little flesh or wearing red lipstick (this normally follows failed attempts to hit on these girls, may I add – it’s amazing how much slut-shaming is derived from rejection-induced bitterness). Don’t these girls know nobody will ever respect them now?
As an aside, I actually really admire people who slut-shame on the internet. Usually when someone has a low IQ they try to hide it, but these guys just throw it right out there in the public domain.
Never mind that these same dudes then go and spend five dollars a week on top-shelf glamor magazines with oiled-up naked models splashed on the front cover. You can buy tits, but you can’t have tits. That would be absurd!!
In fact, I think in the manual they hand out to girls at birth, the chapter on sexuality should start with the disclaimer: “Unless an old white man can profit from your sexuality, you better hide it, because if it can’t be exploited, it will be punished.”
Our sexuality is a commodity, and thus the principles of supply and demand can be applied. If we’re sexy but untouchable, we’re in short supply. Demand goes up. And because demand goes up, the aforementioned old white man can charge more money for it. But if we give it away freely? If we actually have sex – and have the audacity to enjoy it? Supply is booming. Profit margins die. Old white men can’t make as much money, so they get out their sticks and beat us into slut-shamed submission. And the rest of society buys into it.
When you’re a young girl, your developing sexuality is a loaded weapon. You should polish it to a shine for the sake of the male gaze, but you shouldn’t seek any enjoyment from it yourself. Play with power, as long as you never claim it. Enact desire, as long as you don’t follow through.
I call bullshit.
From The Exact Opposite of Okay by Laura Steven. Text copyright © 2018 Laura Steven
FURTHER RESOURCES
While I, Izzy O’Neill, the incredible narcissist that I am, would like to believe I can help everyone in the entire world, the simple fact of the matter is that I’m not a licensed therapist. [I know this may be a shock to many, but it’s true.]
So if you’ve been affected by any of the issues explored in The Exact Opposite Of Okay, please don’t hesitate to reach out to one of the following organizations. They’re much better equipped to offer the help and support you need.
Bullying UK
Offers information and advice on bullying – including cyberbullying and bullying at school.
Kidscape
Provides advice and information on preventing bullying and keeping children safe.
eCRIME Action
An online directory providing helplines, guidance, advice, and practical information about cyber crime.
Cyberbullying Taskforce – Royal Foundation
Provides an online code of conduct to empower all young people to take a stand against bullying.
Internet Matters
A not-for-profit organisation offering a range of advice to help parents keep children as safe as possible online.
Revenge Porn Helpline
The UK’s only dedicated service supporting adults offers practical assistance and confidential advice.
Victim Support
Offer confidential support to people affected by different types of crime including cyber crime and revenge porn.
Papyrus UK
Confidential help and advice for young people struggling with suicidal thoughts.