tr!aimros are at it again guys… so here’s yet another analysis about yet another argument. yay… (please read the whole thing, i like all of it but I feel like it gets better the more I wrote, I got into the aimros zone, I guess)
I don’t know how to start this so I’m just gonna jump right into it, their argument about tr!ros not really listening to tr!aimsey is so interesting because ros is misunderstanding what aimsey’s means by listening, ros assumes they mean not literally listening or not listening to anything they say, when they don’t mean that, yes, ros, and everyone else, do listen and they do take some of the stuff they say in, they don’t take the rest of that information in, the actual important information in, and ros is sadly the one who does this most, because ros is the one they try to talk to the most and try to get through to the most, so she ends up the one not really listening and dismissing it most.
Then later, ros brings it back up to clown as well as saying to him that aimsey has just been keeping her company while he’s been gone, which she definitely didn’t mean to sound like that, but it’s clear that that’s how it came across to aimsey and you can’t really blame them, since the way it was worded along with aimsey’s current mindset towards how they’re thought of by others, that something meant completely harmlessly and kindly can be misinterpreted like that through the lens aimsey is seeing it from. And when aimsey even starts to mention it, ros instantly gets defensive and raises her voice to do so, she is always so quick to defend herself, because to her, she’s not doing anything wrong, that she can’t actually consider her actions having mistakes or consequences, her first thought isn’t to try to comfort aimsey and reassure them that’s not what they meant, she just instantly goes “aimsey no” because one of ros’s main problems is that she can’t see her faults, she’s trying to do good, so why would anyone get upset, it just constantly happens where she can’t see why aimsey is upset at her actions and words, because she didn’t mean it that way and to her, she’s just doing a good thing, so why would anyone be upset by it, and she shows that in the way she first responds to those criticisms, which is to deny them, not reassurance or to explain, just to deny, because she doesn’t want anyone taking her the wrong way even though that she’s failing to see they maybe it’s not her actions being taken the wrong way but just her actions themselves being wrong.
Ros also says, to explain her getting loud, that aimsey makes her angry, which is because she is always defending herself to aimsey, due to their criticisms of ros and her thoughts and plans, but ros doesn’t process the criticisms, so just looks back on her getting defensive as her getting upset and angry because of aimsey, because her mind refuses to acknowledge the flaws in her ideas and any criticism of those flaws.
And to bring up to clown how aimsey said she doesn’t listen to them is similar to how she brought up her fight with aimsey to bad and pili, these are things that are between aimsey and ros and are personal things and problems and shouldn’t be said to other people constantly, like in bad & pili’s case as it literally being the reason they fought in the first place and directly said by aimsey to ros how they don’t want anyone to know what happened, and this time with clown, it being brought up almost in a dismissive way, as basically saying to clown “aimsey said I don’t listen to them, can you believe that” which is still coming from that misunderstanding about what was meant by listening, but even if ros was right about how it was meant, it still shouldn’t be said to other people, especially after already making it clear last time with saying to bad & pili.
And after that, aimsey walks away and lets ros and clown continue talking, which of course ros doesn’t do and instantly comes to talk to aimsey, because ros genuinely wants to and is trying to fix this but she just can’t, and she can’t see that she can’t and won’t be able to until she addresses her very flawed world view and ideals. And then the first thing she says is saying sorry for if she said the wrong thing, which you can see she’s trying to apologise and doesn’t want aimsey to be upset but again she has no idea what she’s done wrong, because she can’t say, she doesn’t start off with anything she’s actually done wrong, she just said “if I said the wrong thing” which not only is not actually addressing anything but it’s not even admitting that she did say the wrong things, she’s saying IF she said the wrong thing, even in the actual apology itself, she still can’t see any of what she did wrong. And when they start talking and aimsey is clearly very frustrated, because they’ve had this conversation so SO many times now, and asks what was it she’s apologising for and ros, again with no realisation for her mistakes, asks did she make it weird, which she very obviously did, and she keeps apologising for it. Which aimsey then brings up how she is always apologising but she never knows what for and never learns from it, so the apologies are becoming meaningless, since ros takes nothing from them, both about what she is even apologising for and what she should learn from the apology. Because how many times has ros repeatedly apologised only to continue those bad ideas and flawed views the literal second she walks away. It’s the same thing with them over and over and over, ros does something, aimsey tries to talk to ros about it and how to better go about it without doing or resorting to the things she’s doing and ros defends herself but eventually apologises for those things, only to leave and do those exact things again, not learning or realising at all, destined to repeat again and again until ros eventually, inevitably, goes too far and dies.
Then after that, aimsey brings back up what ros said to clown about just hanging out with aimsey while he was gone, and ros defends herself because that’s not what she meant and starts to explain herself and genuinely does explain and apologise, very well, and you can clearly see that ros knows how it was taken the wrong way and explains and reassures them on how they meant it, a true genuine apology, which is what she should’ve done when it actually happened, instead of just instantly defending herself without trying to explain or reassure aimsey and just told them they were wrong, but then aimsey also brings up how this just shows more of ros’s priority to the kingdom and how she will always put the kingdom first no matter what, which ros then again tries to defend herself but it instantly gets shut down, because she herself have admitted and shown, time and time again, how no matter how much she talks and goes through with aimsey, the kingdom will always come first for her, to a detrimental extent. She deeply cares about aimsey and she will always try to put aimsey first, more than anything, but then when it actually comes down to it, she chooses the kingdom every time, she wants so badly to prioritise aimsey, she says it over and over and tries to show it over and over but it just can’t happen for her, the kingdom is such an important thing to her that she can’t let go and loosen that hold it has on her, even if she needs to just a bit to learn and grow, which is another reason she’s constantly making the same mistakes, because she wants more than anything to keep her relationships with the people around her and never wants to lose any of that, which adds to her need to protect everyone and please everyone, despite being told not to and how it is hurting her relationship with the people around her and more importantly, hurting herself.
That’s the most heartbreaking thing about ros’s descent into violence and her need for respect, that she is such a kindhearted person, and that kindheartedness is still always front and centre but it’s still being corrupted by these ideas she has, and the reason she’s doing this, for herself and her friends, is so important to her, that she can’t listen when the people around her, the person most important to her, is telling her not to do this, and to give up on this needless quest for respect and protection, because she needs to do this for them, she knows and can see that these people can protect themselves but she still won’t stop because she views her own value from her value to other people, so she’ll stop at nothing to try help, whether she really should be or actually is or not.
Now the not listening comment comes back up, and ros starts to explain why she disagrees, because she talks to aimsey everyday and takes her advice and does what aimsey says, like she’s starting sleeping more since they told her to because of her constantly getting attack by phantoms for not doing it. And how she’s started sticking up for herself more because of her talks with aimsey and she says how she does take their advice and even if they don’t take all of it, they said they don’t have to take all their advice. Which is true but missing the huge point that there’s a difference between not taking all their advice and only taking the advice that doesn’t go against her own view that aimsey is constantly trying to talk her down from, most of the advice and talks aimsey says to ros is about ros’s view and ideas on respect and violence so for ros to only really listen and take in the one or two pieces of advice they say that doesn’t affect that idea is missing the point. Like yes, you don’t have to take all the advice but the ones she is taking are the wrong ones, ros does sleep more because of aimsey’s suggestion and talks with her about it, but her sleeping really doesn’t matter that much, yes, they want her to do that and they’re happy she is, but it is so much more important to them that ros stops this doomed crusade to be feared and to protect others at her own peril. So for ros to only listen to the small pieces of advice that don’t change much either way over the many, many things they’ve said to her about her stopping trying to be more violent and trying to give better solutions to ros about these problems, is obviously going to be taken and viewed by aimsey as ros not really listening, but ros can’t see that because she is technically following what aimsey has said but she can’t see that some things they’ve say have a lot more weight and meaning than others so it can’t all be viewed the same way.
Ros then mentions how she feels like aimsey is angry at her and the way she talks about it shows this is something she genuinely believes and thinks is justified against her, even if she can’t see herself why, and aimsey starts explaining that they’re not really angry, more just doesn’t understand, because they can see what a genuinely good person ros is, and how much she is genuinely trying to do good but just keeps falling down the same path, making the same mistakes, having talked to aimsey so many times about this and clearly trying to do better and fix things but just can’t, and just keeps getting herself hurt and killed by making the same mistakes over and over, aimsey just doesn’t understand what she’s doing, what her actual plan is, how many times she has said to them that all she wants to do is be there for the people she cares about and to make her friends happy, only to then turn around and go completely against that by doing something that not only has clearly been said to be something her friends don’t want her to do but also that ends up just getting herself hurt, which is clearly not what the people who care about her want. To which ros says that the reason she doesn’t explain to aimsey what she actually wants or is doing is because she herself doesn’t know what she wants or is doing half the time, and ros just doesn’t realise that if she isn’t sure what she actually wants or is doing then she shouldn’t commit to doing something that hurts everyone around her, and always leads to getting herself killed, she should stop and figure out what she wants and what she actually wants to do, instead of just staying on this path that clearly isn’t working for anyone, including herself, and she wants so deeply to not let anyone down but doesn’t realise that keeping doing this and keeping making these mistakes is always gonna let her loved ones down, because they can see how much this is hurting her, so why can’t she see it.
And aimsey counters ros’s repeated statement of wanting to make them happy by asking what has she actually done lately to make them happy, and ros names giving the flowers, building the teal titans hq, helping with the gravel and armour trims, which are all very nice things she has done, definitely, but the fact she doesn’t mention the constant quest she has for violence and trying to gain respect, or doesn’t mention anything from her talks with bad or pili, because she knows that’s not what aimsey wants, she’s clearly been told that time and time again, and yet that is still the main thing she has been doing, and still doing that even after aimsey and tried to get through to her over and over, that they don’t want this, is obviously gonna make them upset, even if she still does other things to make them happy, like the flowers or the base, because those things are nice, but they don’t erase the genuine sadness and worry they have from ros staying going down this path, with seemingly no signs of stopping.
And aimsey tries asking what it is ros actually wants, what she is actually doing all this for, because she’s given so many different answers that it’s not even clear what all this is for anymore, is it to gain fear? to gain respect? to stand up for herself? to stand up for the kingdom? to get others to stop? to make her friends happy? to protect her friends? What is any of this even for anymore, and ros… doesn’t know, she says it changes from day to day, which, like she says, is fair, but if she’s gonna keep risking her life, keep losing her life, for this goal, and now for the goal to not even really be there or matter and to change day to day, what is this even for anymore, she’s losing herself, her morals, her life. And for what? She doesn’t know. She’s doing all this, hurting herself, hurting the people she cares about, just because, mainly, she’s already started doing it and the longer she does it, the more she’ll be committed to doing it but also the more it’ll lose all meaning of what this is even for, she’s in a cycle that can only end in pain and heartbreak, that already has ended in pain and heartbreak, many times over, and yet here she is, still going along this path, still repeating this cycle. She can tell herself she’s doing this for her friends, to make them happy, to protect them, but none of that changes that fact that her friends, that aimsey, wants her happy, with them, not dead on a battlefield because of a need to protect them, to see her dying over and over, to see her dead over and over. And for them to think, she’s telling herself she’s doing this for them, to protect them, and they’ll think, maybe if they could just get through to her, if they could just get her to see, maybe this would stop, maybe she would be okay again, maybe she would be content again. No one who loves her, ever wants this to happen to her, and yet it does keep happening, over and over, and they want more than anything for this to stop, for her to stop, and they’ll keep thinking, why won’t she stop, aren’t I enough for her, will I ever be enough for her, or will this always end up back on that battlefield, back with her dead, back with her trying and trying and trying to fix something that doesn’t need fixing, to keep dying and dying and dying for a mission that shouldn’t even exist, why can’t they be enough for her, why can’t she see that she has always been enough for them, they don’t want her on this crusade for them, they just want her. They just want her here and they want her safe, and if they have to fight a million fights for that, then so be it, but they don’t want her trying to fight those fights for them, trying to cause those fights for them, they just want her alive, and why is it that so hard. They’re here, they’re always here, so why can’t she just talk to them before giving her life for a meaningless goal in their name.
And now all the old wounds come back, their constant back and forths, ros’s betrayal of trust to bad and pili, her doing it again with clown before, but none of it stays, because aimsey don’t want for it to stay, they don’t want all this coming back up, they just want ros to figure out what she wants, what her real priorities are, they can’t keep hurting themselves trying to help ros figure something out that she is seemingly so desperate to not figure out, they can’t keep doing this, so now they just need to tell ros and put their faith in her to figure this out herself. Because they can’t keep doing this, they can’t keep seeing ros thinking she needs to die to help others, ros has become so desperate to protect others, to die for others, so desperate to become a martyr that all she is now is a sacrifice, a meaningless sacrifice that changes nothing and will just happen again, because it keeps happening again.
Ros tries to get aimsey to see it from her point of view and mentions how they jumped in to protect her against pangi the other week, without seeing that what she’s doing isn’t jumping in to protect them, she’s throwing herself at them for the idea of protecting them, there is no actual protecting happening, because there is no actual harm happening, just someone desperate for a mission, desperate for a purpose, that she’s throwing herself over and over to her death with the idea that she’s protecting people when she’s just hurting them, because they don’t want to see her hurt, especially not for them. They don’t want her to want to die to protect them, they want her to want to live for them, to keep living for them, because what’s the point of sacrificing yourself for someone if they don’t even have you with them anymore.
Aimsey is someone so intrinsically linked with death with both their constant experience with it yet still complete denial of it and their longing for it after so long, so not only for them to gain a connection as deep as they have with ros, which they don’t like making because it always ends the same way, with them outlasting them and eventually losing them, seeing them die, over and over, but also to see that happening to ros now, to see her keep dying over and over, but this time not because of aimsey’s curse, aimsey’s destiny to always see their loved ones die before them, but because of her own need to protect people, to protect them. Why does death taunt them like this, is making them keep dying over and over without the actual relief of death not enough for them, is making them come back with the scars, with the pain, with the reminders of how much they’ve been through, how much they’re still cursed to go through not enough, must death also taunt them by having the person they care about so deeply get herself killed, over and over, in their name, while they’re cursed to remain, always remain, knowing no matter how much they wish they could switch places with them, how much they wish they could let ros live while they die instead, they can’t, they’re stuck here, not dying but not really alive either, just here, watching while the people they love die, watching ros be so desperate to protect them that she’s dying for them, getting herself killed for nothing, while all they can do is watch, because no matter how much they try to talk to her, to help her, or how much they want to die in her place, to let her live instead, they can’t, they never can. Knowing they’ll eventually lose her isn’t enough for death, death needs more, wants more, so they’re making it happen now, right in front of them, for no reason, while they’re cursed to remain.
Sooooo… aimros, am I right? This took so long, and it’s the longest one I’ve done by far, I hope you liked it and I hope my ramblings made sense!! They’re both such good characters and so fun to analyse and write about!!
