Vriska Serket

i'm Vriska Serket 10 sweeps old (21 years) she/it/they

[j8let]

Intro post

Hi! My name is Vriska, and I prefer to 8e referred to this way. This is my 8log where I guess I usually post my thoughts.

I am aroace, transfem and en8y. My pronouns are she/her, they/them and it/its. You 8etter don't he/him me!!!!!!!!

I am Vriska Serket (from homestuck), 8ut unsure which timeline I'm from or where the 8ranch starts. I am not human, so don't refer to me as one. Dou8les are fine. In fact, please interact! I want to meet sourcem8s!!!!!!!!

My main interests as of writing this are: homestuck (o8viously), utdr, minecraft, celeste, hollow knight, silksong, outer wilds, t8oi, and pro8a8ly some other ones that I don't remem8er rn.

Tags I use for posts: [not done yet]

DNI: the 8asic dni, transpho8es, homopho8es, racists, rightwingers, antikin,

This is not an RP 8log!!!!!!!!

[j8let]

I went out today to upd8 some legal documents. It was the first time in a while I was this close to city centre, and although it wasn't as 8usy as in a large city, it was still overwhelming. I almost had a panic/anxiety attack. It was,, stressful. I remem8er wishing that Terezi was here and that she would help me. I'm not sure how she would have helped though.

[j8let]

8eing fictionkin is 8asically just some dum8 reverse isekai sort of thing.

[j8let]

Every day I get deadnamed and misgendered so much, just 8y my own family.

[agreyink-blot]

i need to lock in on gesture practice 🤔🤔

everyone say grey lock tf in

[vriskaswansong]

gay lock tf in

[j8let]

Need to lock in, gayly.

[j8let]

Mind controlling yall to t8ke care of yourselves! (Please do that.)

[vriskautism-neurodiserket]

canoncall.

im 18 and would prefer that people in that same age range of like 18-20 interact, especially if you are going to dm me.

im vriska, looking for wendie/tavros, june, and any of the omegadelta kids. i was hell tier, i ended up taking to omega kids to go play s8ur8 n was stuck with the omegadeltas as they played s8ur8. june you transitioned 8ut i did not end up seeing that, you just came 8ack n were a girl. also me n june did a retcon after harry anderson died. so if you remem8er that.

you do not have to 8e a sourcem8 to interct i am fine with anyone interacting in that case that was my friend. so any 8eta troll, any alpha or 8eta kid. dou8les are also okay if you are chill i am chill 8ut you 8etter 8e chill

[daylights-rain]

if you are seeing this post, its too late.

your mutual has already added you to their hoard.

[jingerpi]

I never really wanted to get into this on here but I want to talk about it now so nobody can stop me.

honestly one of the worst things is that I knew. a lot of people talk about not knowing they were trans until xyz event where they realized and went through whatever hardships and then transitioned. people talk about repression and discovery and all these things. and those are all powerful and important experiences I don't see myself as above them in any way. but I knew.

I was never an egg, I was never in denial. when I was 3 years old I dreamed I was a princess. I know this because my family retells it as a funny story. I tried to wear my sister's clothes regularly, I asked people why there wasn't a word for the reverse of a tomboy, I put on makeup, I used she/her pronouns online since I first learned to read and write.

I don't bring this up to do this "I've always been a woman deep down, so you should listen to me as super valid Mr psychologist gatekeeper". my point is that it didn't matter.

I knew, and it didn't matter. it wasn't an issue of having to figure out who I was and then realizing that. it's that who I am was intentionally killed and locked away at every turn. it's not that I didn't realize I was a girl, it's that I wasn't allowed to be one. I was hurt and punished and sent to conversion therapy repeatedly. I can't "go back in time and tell my younger self to save her years of struggle". it wouldn't matter. it wouldn't change anything at all. the issue wasn't a lack of information. it's a lack of power. kids and trans kids especially are subject to so much abuse and we have no power to do anything about it. it is such a great tragedy beyond words. knowing what you want to do and wear and say and be, that you want this name and these pronouns and that cute dress, and being powerless to do anything about it anyway. forced to wear clothes picked out for you by a guardian, only able to use pre-approved nicknames online. only allowed to engage in these specific hobbies and have these specific friends. all of whom treat you like garbage. but it doesn't matter. it doesn't even matter if you know it's unjust, there's no way to do anything about it. it is perhaps the most powerless position anyone can be in. there is no level of knowledge or personal strength that will get you out of it. you just have to shut off until enough time passes for the law to deem you as worthy of being a person.

I think that's a big part of why I'm like this now, once you see that powerlessness, when you experience the depths of hopelessness and disenfranchisement, you can never unsee it. it does something to you

[jingerpi]

it's easier to think that I did something wrong. that if I were smarter or stronger or cleverer I could've figured it out. and that when I did get out of that place, that it was due to my strength. but the reality is it wasn't. none of it was my fault, and that's almost harder to handle. there's no amount of trial or belief or hope or self knowledge that can magically warp the world to be kind to you. when I got away it's because I was a legal adult. that's it, that's all that changed. the only thing holding me back that entire time

[cosmikazie]

hey remember when people said we gotta keep talking about this and then two days passed and it just went quiet. anyways

[cosmikazie]

due to recent (and frankly ongoing as far as this website is concerned) events

[j8let]

For the month-ish I felt Vriska, I actually wanted stuff, had desires, opinions. It felt good. It was intoxic8ing. The first time in a loooooooong time I felt any of that.

[j8let]

Ugh I h88888888 this human 8ody, it's soooooooo 8ad and uncomforta8le. Why am I even in a human 8ody in the first place?

[cherryconfession]

33PY...

[j8let]

Need to get you a comfy scalem8 pile to sleep on. A mighty (eepy) dragon on her hoard.

[j8let]

I 8 some curly fries today.

[j8let]

Is it weird/8ad of me to miss Terezi, 8ut also follow and interact with and talk to some Terezis?

[rosey-thorns]

no its normal my darling terezi cherryconfession misses vriska despite dating two being headmates with one and friends with a million more

[j8let]

Thanks for the reassurance. ::::) 8ut still, for some reason I get nervous when talking to Terezis, more than I do when talking to others, and I'm not sure why that is.

[j8let]

Is it weird/8ad of me to miss Terezi, 8ut also follow and interact with and talk to some Terezis?

[extasis-things]

i'm losing myself