[atlasonstandby]

@141-point-12

happy early birthday

[256x224-deactivated20240130]

This randomly landed on our porch last night after a storm

[squeakitties]

this is an omen

[venuskissed-deactivated20170930]

u kno when you’re crying and u catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and you’re like??? if this was a movie this scene would have won me an oscar

[delmondo]

pocky be like “share happiness!” and i eat it alone like a woodchipper

[b0navid3]

Someone said 2012 walked so that 2020 could fly lmao

[pancakeke]

hate when people think I know stuff. I dont know anything, I just use Google. I Google simple words because they look like they're spelled wrong and I cant be sure. I Google how to boil eggs every time I do it. this is who I am.

[alexander]

subway employees when i tell them i want a sub:

[metrogoon]

If you’d rather go to a club than a museum, you deserve to be unhappy.

[wontonsoupinthemorning-deactiva]

museum? what the fuck is in a museum? they got bitches in museums? alive bitches?

[mosticonicposts]

certified iconic post

[illkim]

*waits for 911 to call me first so i don’t sound thirsty*

[starsinursa]

me, as a kid: i can’t wait til i’m an adult so i can stay up late EVERY NIGHT

me, as an adult, crawling into bed at 6:30 pm: oh thank god

[swurp]

wizards have incredibly strong legs from going up and down the wizard tower all day and night. you're gonna wish you got fireblasted if a wizard ever kicks you. if a wizard ever kicks you in the chest you're gonna be a head and legs for the rest of your life.

[touchedbythehandofgod1987-deact]

rmao (run my ass over)

[dogalmighty]

the only difference between me and a medieval peasant is that I can make a Spotify playlist to express my feelings

[arcadeigannon]

kids, when you’re choosing your college schedule, you’ll hear a voice saying “just take the 8AM class. it won’t be that bad. you’ve done it for this long” that’s the devil talking

[i-did-a-move]

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[sketchingdeer]

!!!!!

[yellew]

*falls behind in life* haha the lag

[valtsv]

yes honey your evil laugh is utterly diabolical and will definitely strike terror into the hearts of all your enemies now will you please come to bed