Jabbering

Are you sure you're real?

[jabbrwonky]

i was trying a design for one of my demon bug creatures and whilist it does invoke the "Bug except it's not actually a bug but a demon taking the shape of a bug" i still thought it ended up looking too edgy and scrapped the design. It's supposed to be a roach, by the way. Back to the drawing board! At least, for my first time drawing a bug up close, it did turn out pretty nice. If you'll excuse the deliberately unrealistic parts. I'm pretty sure bugs don't look like skulls, heh.

[jabbrwonky]

Now we're getting somewhere!

[jabbrwonky]

i was trying a design for one of my demon bug creatures and whilist it does invoke the "Bug except it's not actually a bug but a demon taking the shape of a bug" i still thought it ended up looking too edgy and scrapped the design. It's supposed to be a roach, by the way. Back to the drawing board! At least, for my first time drawing a bug up close, it did turn out pretty nice. If you'll excuse the deliberately unrealistic parts. I'm pretty sure bugs don't look like skulls, heh.

[jabbrwonky]

Y'know, actually, i don't wanna just be doomposting constantly and be hyper negative and depressing to listen to. So i'll say something nice! Why not. Variety, y'know! I really wanna get into baking. I think it's just a really nice hobby, and perhaps job. I've baked a few cakes, but they're very simple and use pre-made mixes. I wanna make my own soon. I wanna make bread, too. I'd like to perfect it and make my own specialties, at some point. The current goal is Nettle Bread, cuz that sounds really funny. Ironically, i don't really like sweets.... Chocolate cake is justice, though! Real respect for bakers out there! Y'all awesome. Wish this amateur luck! And maybe tips? I mean yeah i could just google it but it's not the same. Better to hear it from folk!

[jabbrwonky]

Been getting the hang of it more! Baked a bit and now i think i'm starting to remember how it goes without blanking or needing to check the book. I'll keep practicing. I wanna make Egg Pudding after cakes next. Perhaps cookies too?

[jabbrwonky]

Just got told to kill myself for the first time in this site, what a milestone! 🎉 🎉 I'm sure there will be more to follow. Worry not guys, gals and other pals! I'm quite used to this level of foulness and it affects me not. If anything, it's fun! It reminds me that despite aspiring to be terrible, there will always be people that despite claiming goodness manage to be even worse than me who actively fancies infamy. And to think, that happened in an interaction where i tried to be particularly polite... Ironic. 'Course, the person in question would argue otherwise if they saw this, but i think they're already done with me. Truthfully, it would be more healthy if they took a break. Evidently, they need it. Seemed pretty mad! This will be a good reminder to break up the usual negative thoughts with something of whimsy. Not that i needed one, but hey. More's better, surely.

[jabbrwonky]

I wonder how often i get into arguments compared to the layman. I admit to be a pretty outspoken and confrontational person even if the topic is touchy, so it's very common for me to get into one. Not that i mind or feel shame in it, i for one largely enjoy arguments and find the chance to polish my rhetoric fun. Though i additionally admit that it's hard not to cultivate a giant ego after you talk someone's fingers off until they simply stop replying for the millionth time. Especially when most of them love to just personally attack you and refuse to adress your points properly, or only partially and conveniently leaving out the strongest ones. No, seriously, the average user is really, REALLY bad at arguing. Once you argue enough you eventually notice patterns and can pretty much profile someone and how they'll argue within like 2 comments. It's actually so predictable that very often and with much accuracy, i can say an argument and then before the other person even reads it and replies, i've already prepared a counterargument for their yet-to-exist reply because i could accurately judge what their options were and predict what kind of retort they'd muster. I find amusement in imagining that somewhere out there, there's a dude who takes double digit minutes simply to read and formulate a half-baked easily refutable reply that i'll just immediately tear apart within 3 minutes of posting. See, this is what happens when you watch subway surfers gameplay instead of reading. "Holy yap, cornball" can only get you so far.

[jabbrwonky]

I've only started using Tumblr recently and i've already gotten some truly outstanding interactions, speaking of.

[jabbrwonky]

I wonder how often i get into arguments compared to the layman. I admit to be a pretty outspoken and confrontational person even if the topic is touchy, so it's very common for me to get into one. Not that i mind or feel shame in it, i for one largely enjoy arguments and find the chance to polish my rhetoric fun. Though i additionally admit that it's hard not to cultivate a giant ego after you talk someone's fingers off until they simply stop replying for the millionth time. Especially when most of them love to just personally attack you and refuse to adress your points properly, or only partially and conveniently leaving out the strongest ones. No, seriously, the average user is really, REALLY bad at arguing. Once you argue enough you eventually notice patterns and can pretty much profile someone and how they'll argue within like 2 comments. It's actually so predictable that very often and with much accuracy, i can say an argument and then before the other person even reads it and replies, i've already prepared a counterargument for their yet-to-exist reply because i could accurately judge what their options were and predict what kind of retort they'd muster. I find amusement in imagining that somewhere out there, there's a dude who takes double digit minutes simply to read and formulate a half-baked easily refutable reply that i'll just immediately tear apart within 3 minutes of posting. See, this is what happens when you watch subway surfers gameplay instead of reading. "Holy yap, cornball" can only get you so far.

[jabbrwonky]

Did some drawing practice. Specifically, i was trying to draw some of the character's heads whilist not doing the whole outline but rather focusing on their key features so i can better understand the vibe of how their faces are structured. Did it cuz i realized i unintentionally ended up giving them all pretty unique facial features from eachother, including the eyes, most notably. For anyone that cares, their names are from left to right: Jabbr - That's me! Or, well, my in-universe representative. He's a jester. Likes to talk alot, but has a complex about being ignored... Has a radio show where he discusses about many things, and is quite concerned with it's reach and influence. Has what can only be described as an unhealthy obssession with bugs. Keeps having strange flashbacks of things that didn't actually happen, and is a bit unhinged from it. Vivian - The nurturing, motherly type, with a brain as big as her stomach. in the magical manor they all live in, she manages the Collectorium, a museum-library hybrid full of cool stuff. Very particular about her personal space; No matter how huggable she is, don't hug her! Taiga - Wood Ranger that's seen alot of crazy stuff. She, of course, likes nature alot and doesn't take kindly to those that disrespect it. Is a pretty big fan of old tech, like archaic game consoles and whatnot. A "little" paranoid, but we'll forgive her since everything DID use to be out for her hide... Triajette - Aspiring engineer. Knows alot more than you'd think an amateur would, and then some. Knows the world is cruel and that morality is a construct, but still willingly chooses to be a good person anyway. Pretty stand up gal, though she can be rather naugthy when she gets comfortable with someone. All in good fun, though! Besides them, there's also Francis, a rugged sailor fox man who loves nothing more than a nice bit of the herb to put on his smoking pipe and BEANS!!, as well as a yet to be nammed rabbit guy who's totes radical, wears sunglasses indoors unironically and who's all about arcades and havin' a grand ole time. I'm still prototyping their designs though. Don't worry, the "Manor" i've referenced has many, many guests. These will just be the main ones.

[jabbrwonky]

Did some random sketches about the Monster Versions of three of my characters! Still making up the designs as usual, but the overall themes are pretty much decided. Their normal non-monster title names are Jabbr (duh), Vivian and Taiga by the way. I've yet to post about their normal versions so i might as well at least namedrop. There's lore to why they have monster versions too, of course. Maybe i'll post about the universe sometime soon.

[jabbrwonky]

I think i'm getting the hang of making cakes now! Well, the basics anyway. I still need to make my own mix from scratch. At least, i can recite the process in my head properly and perform it without forgetting what i'm supposed to do. I should still make it a few more times to properly ingrain it before i do more I wanna learn to make Egg Pudding next! That stuff's the best! Really, i couldn't think of a more palatable dessert. Feels like heaven in my tongue. You bet once i learn how to make that i'm making it at least every other week.

[jabbrwonky]

The real horror of tumblr so far is wanting to say something positive so you're not another doomer blog constantly being negative and depressing but then struggling to because you've only negative things to say Well. I guess at least i'm not self destructive! Not physically, anyway. That wouldn't really help. I've already personally talked to some who are and there is little as hopeless as trying to help someone who doesn't want help. Though i guess in some ways i'm much the same... Next time you see someone lookin' absolutely miserable? Talk to them for me. It's worth it, getting experience with these things. It helps you grow stronger mentally and emotionally. And, hell, if you can't stomach it? Point me their way, i'll do it. No, really. Someone has to. And if i don't, who will?

[jabbrwonky]

[jabbrwonky]

The real horror of tumblr so far is wanting to say something positive so you're not another doomer blog constantly being negative and depressing but then struggling to because you've only negative things to say Well. I guess at least i'm not self destructive! Not physically, anyway. That wouldn't really help. I've already personally talked to some who are and there is little as hopeless as trying to help someone who doesn't want help. Though i guess in some ways i'm much the same... Next time you see someone lookin' absolutely miserable? Talk to them for me. It's worth it, getting experience with these things. It helps you grow stronger mentally and emotionally. And, hell, if you can't stomach it? Point me their way, i'll do it. No, really. Someone has to. And if i don't, who will?

[jabbrwonky]

Sketching a bit. Not sure what i'm drawing but it scares me I've reworked this damn asshole jester's design like 50 times and i'm never satisfied, i swear. At least i get overall better at general arting as i go, every iteration. A design element that i really wanna do is make it so that his spine is a centipede; Like, when you look at his back you can just see the outline of a centipede under the cloth of his clothes, going along where his spine is, with it looking like it's grasping him tightly with its legs. You think "Oh his spine just looks like that" until you see the legs twitch... Did i mention it's inside his head too? Those aren't "his" eyes.

[jabbrwonky]

Y'know, actually, i don't wanna just be doomposting constantly and be hyper negative and depressing to listen to. So i'll say something nice! Why not. Variety, y'know! I really wanna get into baking. I think it's just a really nice hobby, and perhaps job. I've baked a few cakes, but they're very simple and use pre-made mixes. I wanna make my own soon. I wanna make bread, too. I'd like to perfect it and make my own specialties, at some point. The current goal is Nettle Bread, cuz that sounds really funny. Ironically, i don't really like sweets.... Chocolate cake is justice, though! Real respect for bakers out there! Y'all awesome. Wish this amateur luck! And maybe tips? I mean yeah i could just google it but it's not the same. Better to hear it from folk!

[jabbrwonky]

You know how the Church used to have everyone in their grasp, opressing and punishing everyone who didn't adhere to their laws even if the person didn't do anything except think differently and/or critique the Church's ideals?

Thinking about how common morality does the same thing nowadays but nobody notices and even if they did they'd look the other way.

Even if you do no actual crimes or hurt anyone, your mere thought crime of critiquing morality and/or not believing it has any grander significance is already enough for most people to throw you under the bus and indirectly kill you.

And the "indirectly" part is not for a lack of want, cuz leave it to someone who preaches good virtue to be paradoxically eager to hurt or kill someone condemned as evil and thus deemed a socially valid target to harass. They'd stone you to death if they could.

With "good" folk like these, it's looking pretty tempting to be "evil". At least i wouldn't lie and make up justifications when i hurt someone that way.

[jabbrwonky]

Y'know, another thing that is quite upsetting. Why does everyone just... never have anything to say? I'll speak, i'll listen, i'll engage, and yet receive nothing back. Feels like the world's empty, y'know. It makes me very sad. I wish people replied more. I'm out here putting my heart into all this and most can't even be bothered to say something back. And even when they do, it's something of little substance compared to what i said.... What a pity. At this point, so used am i to talking to the wall, that i gave it a name. I call it Micah. We are very well acquainted.

[jabbrwonky]

You know what i'm really godamn tired of? People acting like someone being upset is funny, or "corny". So terminal is the irony poisoning of the internet that people have convinced themselves that someone suffering, pouring their heart out and agonizing over their life's torments in a comment section is a "haha get ragebaited lmao" funny moment.

You think not caring is cool? You think it's funny to mock others for caring when you would not? NOT CARING ABOUT ANYTHING IS NOT A GOOD THING. MAYBE IF MORE PEOPLE ACTUALLY CARED INSTEAD OF MAKING WORTHLESS OPTIMISTIC LIP SERVICE ALL THE TIME NOBODY WOULD BE AGONIZING IN THE FIRST PLACE.

And these mongrels will utter shit like "get help" or "seek therapy" when you get mad about things and rant your biggest frustrations.

Funny everyone wants you to "get help" yet nobody wants to be the one that helps by fucking LISTENING and taking things seriously for once. YOU get help. YOU'RE insane!

So mad right now. Speaking of ""help""... if anyone wants talk about their problems, to rant, and to be heard and taken seriously... I'm right here and offering to listen and to talk about your problems too. Nobody listens to me, so i know how it feels...