i am easy to find

Well, everything has changed And now it's only you that matters I will find any way to your wild heart Jack Abbott 42 years old ER Attending Physician Eberwhite Father to Nick & Lily

[henry-eaton]

"Sorry that your adult human ex-wife is the only woman interested in speaking to me about something that isn't my zodiac sign - signs?" Henry's eyes narrowed for a moment as he thought on it, throwing the concept out into the air for, perhaps, further consideration. "Sign. Whatever. Or, they wanna know, like, the craziest thing I've seen at work. People are weirdly addicted to gory details, now. I think it's the true crime thing." With a small scrunch of his nose, Henry made his distaste known. "I get people are trying to make conversation, and it's hard for everyone and whatever, and we're all guarded and looking for love and for somene to accept our true selves, but God damn. Maybe we could all afford to be less of our true selves. And maybe that goes for me, too, honestly! Caught myself asking a woman a lot of questions about a cat I saw in the background of one of her profile photos on my last date. For what? Who was that for? I'm not gonna get a cat. Could you imagine? Jesus. I'm already enough of a red flag."

Henry sighed, exhausted from both the feat of modern dating and his tangent, and slumped back into the back of his seat a bit more, offering it more of his weight. "I just - its never...I dunno. It's never gonna be what I want it to be, I don't think. I can't decide if that's my fault or everyone else's."

[jack-abbott]

"Okay, that's fair." Jack relented with a genuine smile. He knew better than anyone the kind of friend Jules was — it was one of the many things he had adored about her for most of his life. She was a fabulous, steadfast sort of friend. A fierce loyalty. It was those characteristics that had made her such a world-class mother, too.

"I've started telling really horrendous lies to keep the conversation going. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it, until I'm in the middle of telling the most batshit story anyone's ever heard. My most recent one was saying that I was supposed to be on that Titan submersible that blew up, but I woke up late and missed the boat." Jack looked at Henry with a half-horified, half-amused expression.

Jack delivered his friend a very sympathetic look, reaching out to clap him on the shoulder in a supportive fashion. "You know, buddy, I've just decided I'm way too high maintenance. And I'm not even, well, looking for love, I guess. But I think companionship is the harder thing to find. I did it once, I guess I was lucky to have that. And if something else comes my way, it'll be rarer still."

[buckleyjules]

Dividing finances had been a point of the past and Jules preferred to keep it that way. But if it would mean that Jack having to work himself too much to support the children... That was the last thing that she wanted. They deserved the time together, not the money.

A smile was on Jules' lips when her ex promised he would take care of himself a bit more. "Thank you." They were not together anymore, but that didn't mean that she didn't want him to be well. They hadn't split in a fight, so why would she treat him badly.

The woman looked over her shoulder to the house where their daughter had disappeared and nodded. "I will tell her, but I would say to call her tomorrow anyways. I am not sure how long she's going to be stubborn like this." That was a result of her family's genes, she was sure about that.

Her gaze moved back to Jack once more. For a moment she stayed quiet before asking the question that had been bothering her for a while now. "Are you okay, Jack? Are you happy?"

[jack-abbott]

Jack loved his children more than life itself — it wasn't easy to let them down, even if he couldn't always help it. He was the kind of dad who made it to everything, big or small. He'd always found creative ways to get to games, to recitals, whatever it was that Nick or Lily found passion in. He'd had a great role model in his own father to look up to, although comparison, as he had come to realize in this conversation, was the thief of joy.

He knew, at any rate, that Jules was right. In taking care of himself, he could take better care of his kids. Maybe he hadn't caught up to their changing needs. Maybe, he supposed, he was a victim of still seeing them as little kids, and not as young adults.

"Am I — Am I happy?" Jack laughed, a hand moving to rub his chin, fingers dragging over the stubble on his jawline. "I don't know, babe. I don't know." The Freudian slip, which he let stay without correction, was evidence of his continued affection for his ex. "Some mornings, I wake up, and it takes me a few minutes to remember that I'm not here anymore. Our home. That you and I aren't..." Jack cleared his throat, his gaze dropping from hers. "I don't know. Are you? Are you happy?"

[winterlightsky]

I guess I'm thinking that I can do this now. That maybe it's not about the person who's the best student. That maybe it's about the person who cares the most.

FELICITY (1998-2002) | 4x05, "Boooz"

[henry-eaton]

Henry had always admired Jack, and he'd been disappointed to learn that things with Jules hadn't worked out; he had long thought Jack invincible, somehow able to juggle everything. He longed to have that same sense of security with his life, the great love - and the older he got, and the more shifts he took at work to drown out the reality of his pathetic life, the more he was beginning to fear that might have been slipping from his ever-tenuous grasp. He gave a tip of his frappucino cup to Jack as a small toast, "To Lily and Nick."

Nodding sagely in agreement, Henry took a sip, then swallowed quickly to tack on, "The predictability of it is, ultimately, what would be our downfall. On every show, the second the leads get together, the writers have to make it difficult. God forbid you leave me mid-season to move to Seattle and I have to raise our twins alone, or something. Or Chicago. I don't - I'm gonna be honest, I didn't really pay attention to either show very well. I think I might have ADHD, but I'm old and I know I'd be insufferable on stimulants, so - this is what you get forever, baby."

[jack-abbott]

Jack happily cheersed to that, a confident smile on his lips as he did. His children were truly the great blessing in his life. He and Jules had married straight out of undergrad, and it felt like not long after had started their little family, Jack in the thralls of med school when Nick came along. And he was the perfect baby, enough to trick them into thinking a second before he'd even finished his intern year was a good idea. He'd learned more about himself being a father than he had a physician, and to the two children who would eternally rule his heart, he owed the world.

"Aw, babe." Jack reached over and patted Henry on the back as he gave him a sympathetic eye. "I'd never leave you mid-season. And hey, you never know. They could bring in a romantic foil to try and fool you away from me, and it might work. I actually have a great attention span and I've been getting a lot of Tiktok edits of um... Teddy Altman maybe exploring her bisexuality. You could do that to me too, but with a real human woman. One day, you know. When you talk to one that isn't my ex-wife." Jack shot Henry a knowing wink. He actually really enjoyed that Henry and Jules were friends through it all. It meant that, in the absence of Jack, they really had formed a bond. It reassured Jack, of, if anything, that Henry was a true friend, not just a 'work' friend.

[henry-eaton]

"I have such a moral opposition to vaping. Huffing from something that looks like a fucking magic marker - ridiculous. I'd say it should only be for children, but it largely is, by this point," Henry clamored on, indignant, but largely carried off on his own tangent - when he realized, he took a sip, as if to recalibrate, and refocused, speaking again around the frozen coffee in his mouth. "You're well within your rights to be disillusioned about the entire thing. I don't think either of us are going to meet our soulmates doing this shit."

Henry shook his head. "Madge and I could never go there." He said this gravely, as if it were dire for Jack to understand the intensity of their bond. "...Just like you and I. Romance complicates things. What you and I - and Madge and I - have is something much more pure. Much more real." He gave Jack a look, evaluating him as his eyes scanned over his physique while Henry himself absentmindedly scratched at the aforementioned beard. "I think you're still plenty handsome, though, for the record. And I could shave this off. But you - you've got some years left in you. Like a beloved horse with a twinkle still left in its eye."

[jack-abbott]

Jack looked to Henry with a sympathetic smile. He didn't know if he believed in soulmates — maybe he did, once upon a time. While he never measured other women against her, he'd not felt a spark since Jules. "Well, I don't think that Nancy Meyers plays a real life matchmaker, so I'm not holding out on any success in dating here. At the least, it's not going to be some... Second chapter, or whatever. I have the great loves of my life. They're my kids." He knew it was cliche, but it was true. Jack almost entirely lacked the drive to find something 'real'. He had his kids, and if anything, they needed his extra time. Dating could be put on the back burner forevermore, as far as he was concerned.

Jack took a sip of his coffee, winking at Henry over the brim of his cup. "You're not the first to tell me I have a twinkle in my eyes. But I have to agree... For all the ways we work, we can't throw romance into the mix. This is why we're a dynamic duo. It's also too predictable. We're not on Grey's Anatomy, here. I pride us for living more of an ER storyline. I'm like the Mark Greene to your Doug Ross. Or, better yet, I'm the Carol Hathaway to your Doug Ross. I mean, minus the becoming pregnant with your twin daughters. But I think that's the more realistic dynamic."

[buckleyjules]

Jules knew that she didn't have any right to tell Jack off about it all. It was clear that he knew he had screwed up. But all she could think about was the girl who had marched into the house because of her father. She softly bit her lip to stop herself from saying something more.

"Last time I checked Jack, I still have a store of my own and I am able to support the children as well, partly." She would never make as much as he did but she could help. They were lucky that Nick was close to making it to college with a scholarship, because that meant that the burden on Jack would lower as well. "Is that something we can talk about?"

Jules nodded to agree upon the plan for next Monday. That would work. And he was right; the car Nick owned was coming with him to California. A full on road trip to the other side of the country was the plan with his friends who had gotten into universities in that part of the country as well.

As soon as the word perfect fell from Jack's lips, Jules started shaking her head. She moved off the porch so she could get closer to him. Talking softer so not everyone would have to hear their conversation. "I'm far from perfect Jack, you and I both know that. They just miss you because you are not around every day anymore. And getting into more and more work isn't going to help either with that." She paused for a second, tilting her head slightly as she watched the man in front of her. "Just promise me that you will make some time for yourself. You deserve it, with or without the children around."

[jack-abbott]

Jack felt an instant and fair amount of shame at Jules' rebuttal, to which he shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I shouldn't have even taken it there. That's your money, to live your life with. I don't have any qualms about how we decided finances." To Jack, the time Jules had given to raising their family was priceless, he couldn't imagine opening up the conversation about shared finances. It still felt like a reasonable expectation that Jack maintain the lifestyle everyone had been used to living, in the house they'd been living in, until Lily was in college, at a minimum. He still loved this house, memorized every inch of it, had entrenched memories filling every room of it.

"Okay." He murmured, acquiescing. "I will try to make things a little more manageable. For everyone." Jack couldn't argue with Jules, because ultimately, he knew she was right. And because, quite frankly, he never wanted to be parked in the driveway having this kind of conversation ever again.

"Would you ask Lily to call me later, when she's cooled off? I have a feeling she's got my texts on do not disturb, so..." Jack smiled meekly, another soft sigh slipping through his nostrils. "I'd like to apologize her when she's in a more... receptive mood."

[buckleyjules]

Jules raised her eyebrows at the joke her ex-husband was attempting. Because attempting was definitely the keyword in that sentence. She didn't find anything about this situation funny.

The woman knew that his job was important. She knew that he lived for it and that it was needed too. If Jack had good days at work, it meant that many people could be saved and she was still proud as hell regarding that. Because it had taken a lot of work to get to the place where they were now.

But all of that moved to the background slightly when he forgot the most important thing in his life; his children.

"I know schedules are tough, Jack. I know that you have your work. But I thought we promised that the children would never be the victim of those schedules that we have to align." Nick and Lily would always come first, no matter how hectic their family situation or working lives were.

Jules leaned against the railing of the porch, looking at the man who had been hers for so many times. It wasn't that she didn't love him anymore. She still loved him. But it just didn't work any more with the both of them. They both agreed on that.

"Working over sixty hours a week is not a good thing, Jack. You need more time for yourself. And for the children. When are you rescheduling this?" The best answer she was hoping to get now, was a simple tomorrow but Jules had a feeling that was not going to happen.

[jack-abbott]

Jack shook his head, soft sigh shooting out of his nose as he did so. "Save the brow-beating, Jules. Honestly. Do you really think I'm particularly proud of the fact I let her down? Do you think I enjoy being looked down at by you? I didn't ask for it, and I don't need it." He could feel the insecurity rising in his chest, the fear that he wasn't meeting the mark, a sensation that had only been introduced into his nervous system following their divorce. Before it, he'd never questioned himself or his contributions to the family. Now, he doubted himself constantly.

"How do you expect me to support two households? How do you expect me to support two tuitions to Huron Academy? I have to work. Sometimes I have to cover other peoples shifts. Why? So I can get them to cover mine so I don't miss out on something else for the kids. I show up for them the best I can." Jack caught himself, the tone of voice, the mounting frustration, and as he paused to gather himself, his gaze lifted up to the house behind Jules, the one they had built together.

"I can pick her up from school next Monday and take her out driving then." Jack's left hand raised to rub his temple, shifting after a moment to rub behind his ear as he thought about next steps. "Why don't you meet us after, and we can take a swing by the used car lot. I've got my eye on a couple that might work for her. It's not like her and Nick can share a car come next fall."

Jack's gaze fell to his feet, knowing he needed to say more, but struggling to summon the words. "You're —" He let out another sigh. "You're not wrong. I know that you're not wrong. It's just difficult for me to hear it from you. To them... you're perfect. And I can't ever measure up to you."

[addisonallens]

location: Public Espresso

what: closed stater for @jack-abbott

This wasn't Addison, she didn't do this. She didn't go on a blind date. She had only ever been with her ex husband who was now estranged. Though a friend set them up her and this Jack Abbott guy she had no idea about. In all honesty Addison was terrified. This wasn't going to go well the brunette just knew it. Addison wanted to scream at her friend for not making this in a setting where there was alcohol. Who does blind dates anymore anyway? Her stomach was tied into knots and while she took forever to get ready Addison finally found herself at the location their mutual friend picked out for them. Public Espresso and so Addison ordered herself a coffee but she barely touched it as she was too nervous. Sitting at the table Addison almost felt like ditching but the women couldn't do that to a person it was a humiliating situation, swallowing a lump that formed in her throat Addie made herself a mental note to curse her friend out the next time she saw her. Letting out a shaky breath Addison looked up and realized he was here. Fuck Nicole was right he was good looking. Sitting there trying not to stare, Addison checked her phone. She finally looked up again and nodded her head forming a soft smile on her face "You must be Jack." Her voice was shaky and Addison hoped to God he didn't hear it. Why the hell she was so nervous was beyond her. "I'm Addison."

[jack-abbott]

Jack wasn't a dating aficionado by any measure — he'd met his ex-wife in college, and until two years ago, their life together was all he'd known. He felt a odd sense of pressure to move on, but found that compared against the woman he had loved for more than half of his life, few measured up. And, to his detriment, perhaps Jack's standards were just too high, he never gave anybody a real shot. So, when he'd been offered yet another blind date, Jack accepted against his better judgement. So as he wandered into the coffee shop, he vowed this was the last 'set-up' he'd accept. He stood in the entry, looking around for a moment until... There she was. He'd already ordered his coffee and collected it, knowing better than to let that drag out a date if it was already bound for disaster. Jack approached, nodding in acknowledgement when she identified him. "Addison, hi." He greeted warmly. "Nice to meet you." Jack settled into the chair opposite her, setting his coffee down on the table. He never knew where to start, what to ask first, what topics to broach and which to steer away from. "Thanks for being alright with the coffee shop. I'm on call, so... Have to stay sharp."

[buckleyjules]

When Jules had heard the car pull up front, she had opened up the front door. She had not expected her daughter to march into the house without saying one word. A look of surprise was edged on her face as her gaze followed her daughter. Once Lily had disapppeared from her sight, she turned back to her ex-husband for an explanation of why their daughter was not pleased at all.

She walked further onto the front porch to be able to talk with him and a sigh escaped her when he told her that he had forgotten the driving lessons. "Jack, really?" Ever since the last visit to her father, Lily had been excited about it all. And coming closer to this date, she even got more and more excited. Jules could definitely understand why her daughter was not amused at all.

"It was all she could talk about for days. She has told all of her friends. It is such a little thing to do for your daughter, how can you forget that?"

[jack-abbott]

Jack ran a hand through his hair, grimace meeting his lips as Jules chastised him. "She's young, she'll get over it." He tried to joke, knowing that, inevitably, it was his screw up. And while Jack didn't often mess up when it came to his kids, he knew that lately, he'd not been all that impressive in the dad department. "Oh, come on, h—" Honey. The word had nearly passed his lips before he caught himself, quickly course correcting. "I didn't realize, okay? I worked a twelve hour shift, I'm over sixty hours for the week. It slipped my mind. All I can do is apologize and reschedule with her."

This was the part that Jack loathed — they were still a team, but no longer a united front. "I'm trying my best, Jules. You and I both know the schedules are harder than ever." To Jack, Jules had always been SuperMom, it was one of things he'd always loved most about her. Their early family like had been chaotic, and fun, and exhausting, and through it all, Jules had been their constant — his constant. Jules had been and always would be the True North for their family unit. So when he screwed up, it was all the more worse when having to come face-to-face with the parent who could do not wrong.

He knew that in the wake of their divorce, Jules had covered for him plenty, excusing and explaining away Jack pouring himself more and more into his career. His job had been an easy crutch in the two years since their split, and unfortunately, Jack's eagerness to have no time to himself sometimes conflicted with his kids schedules. Jack let out another soft sigh, arms folding over his chest. "Lil already beat me up plenty. I don't need it from you, too."

[henry-eaton]

Henry's brows raised in secondhand abject horror, a smirk playing on his lips. "A cigarette in a restaurant? That's a very nineties move," he remarked, his tongue finding the straw to his frappucino deftly. He took a sip, listening to Jack's lament, and grinned while he waited for his mouth to be empty. "Lily's probably on the mark with that," he mused. "Sometimes the aura of misery radiates."

Pondering their predicament for a moment, Henry took another sip, watching as Jack's order was filled and the other man swiftly grabbed it. They ambled over toward a table, seemingly always gravitating toward the same one each time they were here, and, as they settled, Henry continued, "I've kind of just assumed I was just going to die alone for a while, so, to be honest, the dating app stuff is just a some sort of psych experiment I'm performing on myself. How long will I last? Who's to say?" He crossed his awkwardly lanky legs, ankle over knee, and continued, "But there's no feasible reason this shouldn't be working for you. I'm fine face-wise, but I'm sort of annoying, as we both know. You've got a lot more going on for you. Namely, someone married you by choice."

[jack-abbott]

"I was almost impressed — and then horrified in equal measure. I was completely stunned. I didn't know people casually smoked cigarettes like that anymore. Aren't most people just vaping nowadays?" Jack looked to Henry to advise on the matter, as if Jack didn't also exist in the real world. "I don't even have time to date, frankly. With Nick off to college next year... I don't know. I feel like I should, and then every occasion I make the time, it's so regrettable I can't believe I chose to do it in the first place." Jack hadn't been fanatical about his divorce — it made sense, it was the right thing to do, and the kids were old enough to understand, but... Jack had liked being a husband, had liked having a wife. It felt so juvenile to be back on the dating scene again.

"You? Die alone? Do you not see how the entire nursing staff follows you around like a lovesick puppy? I know Madge might be sixty-eight and mean as hell, but she never takes care of my charts the way she does for you. I think you're missing out on your next chapter there with her. She's experienced, no-nonsense. Hey, I'm actually kind of liking the sound of this for you." Jack grinned as he ribbed his friend. "You forget that someone married me by choice twenty years ago. I was more energetic, younger, better looking, I think probably way more eager to please, too. And you... You're not, annoying, necessarily... You're just an acquired taste. If I swung that way, I'd just say we could end our mutual suffering here and now. But I think what makes our friendship work would doom our romantic life. And, you know... I don't know if I can kiss with your whole beard thing."

[jack-abbott]

@henry-eaton Location: Public Espresso, Northside

Jack lingered patiently as he waited for his order to be completed, always opting for the same: a flat white. As he lingered by the pick-up counter, he looked over at his 'date' for the outing — one of the few friendships he maintained so consistently (and really, mostly due to the fact that they worked together). "Had another truly disastrous blind date last night. I was fifteen minutes late, she had bad veneers, and also tried to light a cigarette inside the restaurant." Jack's tone carried a beleaguered amusement. "I don't know, man. I can't take much more of this. The last one used an all natural deodorant. She didn't even tell me that, I could just tell. Well, smell. Last week Lily called me a depressing bachelor. Maybe I should just lean into it."

[annarbor-hq]

“Dreams are the touchstones of our characters.”

jack abbott

Age: 42 Gender & Pronouns: Cis Male, He/Him Occupation: ER attending physician Neighborhood: Eberwhite

biography

Jack Abbott was, to quote Carrie Bradshaw: warm, masculine, and classic American. He’d been raised in a typical nuclear family, mother, father, older sister and he. There were no great dramas in his life, he was a gifted athlete and scholar, a thoughtful son and good brother, a generous friend and generally magnanimous person. He loved the great outdoors, was a bona fide Boy Scout, and felt, in his greater youth, that the world truly was his oyster. 

When it came time for college, he’d made the easy choice of the University of Michigan - he’d be a third generation for the family, and join his sister on campus. College, Jack assumed, would be the best four years of his life. A period of immense freedom, followed by adulthood, which, Jack surmised, would be a far more serious endeavor altogether. Because, while Jack was an easy-going guy, he had goals, dreams, and a vision for the future. Medical school. And those four years at UMich were some of the greatest of his life, if only because of Jules. His dream girl. Loving Jules was easy, and all of dreams, his vision for the future, seemed to slowly take shape around her. 

As graduation drew closer, and medical school applications stacked up, Jack was more keenly focused on ring shopping, and getting her father’s permission to propose. The happiest days of his life, Jack had realized, were still very much in front of him. It didn’t feel all that long after graduation that they’d married and moved into their first apartment, Jack consumed by medical school studying, and somewhere, in the beginning of it all, Nick was born. Maybe Jack had been a weird kid, but he’d always wanted to be a father, his entire life. Holding his baby boy for the first time was the culmination of one of his many dreams, and, quickly, those dreams blossomed from dreams for himself to dreams for his child. Not long after Nick followed Lily, and the craziness of babies and toddlers and med school never seemed to get the better of Jack — somehow, miraculously, he balanced it all. 

But, somewhere through the years of raising children, of his first internship, of (thankfully) matching at a hospital in Detroit, he’d lost sight of Jules. They’d never stopped being a team, never stopped loving one another, but the in love-ness had dissipated. It was like trying to sculpt fog, making sense of how they’d drifted apart, but still had so much affection for one another. Jack could only blame himself, even if he couldn’t make sense of it. The split was amicable, the kids were old enough that they seemed to understand, and believed their parents when they said that the important things wouldn’t change.

The ‘bachelor pad’ apartment he’d moved into lacked the warmth and liveliness of their family home, which encouraged Jack to focus more on work. When he didn’t have the kids, or the kids didn’t have a game or event, Jack was reliably in the ER, avoiding, at all stakes, an empty apartment.

JACK ABBOTT has the face claim of SCOTT SPEEDMAN and is written by DARBY.

[jack-abbott]

@buckleyjules Location: The Abbott Family Home Jules Home, Eberwhite

Jack had always loved his family life. He never dreaded coming home, never avoided the difficult moments or awkward conversations, never thought for a moment that the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. He loved being a husband and father, he enjoyed being depended upon, and, when the kids were little, the eagerness and joy in their faces when he came home after a long shift. No — Jack loved his family. And while that family was different in how it worked in recent history, he and Jules easily coexisted, and coparenting was easy. On the things that mattered most they’d always agreed and had the same point of view, so it was only natural that their co-parenting journey had been seamless.

Still, it was difficult that the kids’ considered home a different place from where he rested his head at night. It would always be 'dad’s apartment', and the dichotomy could not be undone. That was what happened when a marriage ended, time marched on, and this was reality now.

Jack watched as Lily marched inside, not looking back, an easy sense that she wasn't particularly pleased with her father. It didn't seem like he could get anything right, and while he knew some of that was because she was a sixteen year old, it didn't mean there wasn't validity in her frustration with him. He knew better than to chase after her then and there, but, as he was about to climb back into his car, there was Jules. "Hey," He greeted his ex with warmth, always. "She'll be fine." Jack gestured towards the front door Lily had disappeared behind. "I guess I promised to give her some driving lessons this weekend, I forgot, and... Well, I picked up a shift for a colleague, so we have to reschedule."

[eleanoroliphant]

Scott Speedman photographed in Cannes by François Berthier