rustysilver:
“I’m not saying it was your fault!” Rusty said, his voice wavering as he shrunk under the intensity of Jackson’s glare. The guilt was overwhelming and he briefly wondered how anybody managed to cope without a little something to take the edge off. It was unbearable. Tears began to blur his vision and he blinked them away, feeling them run down his cheeks despite his efforts to stop them. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I was scared.” He swallowed thickly, frowning to himself. “But I did care about you Jackson, I do care about you. I’ve spent the past two weeks wondering what we might have been if it weren’t for…” He felt another spark of anger at the sarcasm, his mood swings giving him the vaguely uncomfortable sense of whiplash. “I do know how it feels!” He said, an edge to his voice. “Jackson, I’m always hurting.” And then he was kissing him. He couldn’t remember stepping forward, he couldn’t remember pulling Jackson towards him, he couldn’t even remember leaning in to capture his lips. But suddenly his mind was filled with something other than rage and pain and guilt. Passion, the need to get closer to the boy before him, the need to show him how sorry he was through actions rather than words. He stepped backwards, pulling Jackson with him until his back hit the brick wall, tugging at his jacket, urging him to press his body against his.
Jack refused to listen to the words that Rusty spoke, he couldn’t listen to the words. He didn’t believe him anyway. Jack was still angry, and damn he could hold a grudge if he wanted to. He couldn’t help rolling his eyes when Rusty started talking about how he knew how it felt to be hurt, sure. If he had known how it felt, why would he want someone else to feel that? Jack was coming to the conclusion that Rusty was a selfish person -- but he couldn’t help feeling drawn to him. Maybe it was because of how much of a shitty person he was himself.
The next thing he knew Rusty had him against the wall, kissing him. It was passionate -- but Jack couldn’t shake the feeling that it was completely false. All of it, it was a diversion of his attention to make him forget how annoyed he was at Jack. That’s all he could hear in his mind -- but his body reacted differently. His hand made it’s way to the small of Rusty’s back pulling him closer to him, he kissed him differently.
After about a minute of them making out, Jack pushed Rusty away. Jack was shaking his head. He was right. “maybe if things had have been different, Rusty. Who knows?” he added, clearing his throat and sorting out his clothes after Rusty had messed them up slightly. “But things aren’t different -- and this is wrong. I know that I deserve to be treated better than this. I deserve more, whatever that is.”













