Not today Justin
h
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Mike Driver
$LAYYYTER
almost home
KIROKAZE
occasionally subtle

#extradirty
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

Origami Around
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

@theartofmadeline
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Jules of Nature
Misplaced Lens Cap
Peter Solarz
we're not kids anymore.
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@jacob-claymore
I’m freezing and losing my way
I don’t need another map of your head
you stayed up waitin’, anticipatin’, and pacin’ but I was, chasing paper caught up in the game
What a Wicked Game You Play || Isobel & Jacob (closed)
Pain went shooting through Isobel’s chest at Jacob’s words. So he did wish for death. Death at her hands, even. It was the most terrible thing she had ever heard. Of course, being who she was, nothing passed across her face to show it, but she still took the precaution of glancing away from Jacob. He’d always been far too good at seeing beyond the porcelain mask she wore; and none of this would be helped by her guilty conscience.
Yet even as she opened her mouth to speak, perhaps to make some sly joke in order to deflect this terrible spiral of his, Jacob beat her to it. And his question, well… it stunned her. Isobel’s gaze snapped back to stare Jacob down once more, her spine stiffening like a rod.
A lie? Surely… Surely he couldn’t think that of her. Yes, of course, Isobel knew he was well within his rights to do as much. Anyone with even a small percentage of the intelligence Jacob had could draw such conclusions. But he was not an average man. So he must know to look deeper, past the surface, past the secrets she could never reveal, all to see the truth that burned bright even within a heart as pitch-black as her own.
He caught her off-guard, then, as trapped within her own mind as Isobel was, she let down her defenses for just a moment. Just long enough for him to advance on her and cause the young woman to stumble back towards the parlor wall, her body pressed firmly against it for support. The pistol she held clattered to the floor with a solid thunk, thankfully, Isobel thought in the distant corner of her mind, without going off and shooting either of them in the foot.
Jacob’s rage and aching pain was overpowering, radiating off of him like a heat wave. It pressed upon her heart with a unbearable weight. She had never wanted this. Not for him. He didn’t deserve this.
"I never lied to you." Isobel hissed back, her own now-empty hands reaching up to gently stroke Jacob’s face as she pressed her forehead to his and took a step forward into him. "If I can promise you anything, I can promise that I have never once in my life lied to you…" She swallowed a lump in her throat, the fingers of one hand still tracing gentle designs across his cheek as the other traveled down his chest to gently grasp at his vest and pull him ever so slightly towards her.
"If you… If you can’t trust anyone, if you can’t trust me…" She whispered. "Then who can you trust?" Isobel’s gaze flickered over his face. The girl had to admit to herself that for how horrible this situation was, for how the probability of Jacob picking up her gun and shooting her point-blank was rising with each passing moment… This was perhaps one of the happiest moments of her life.
Jacob was alive. He was alive and passing well. And above all that… He was here. She had been so certain that she would never again be able to run her fingers across his rough stubbled cheeks, or hear the beating of his heart under her palm, or feel the warmth of his breath against her skin. Or even more than all the rest, seeing the constellations trapped within the confines of his eyes.
"Look at me, Jacob. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you can be so very, very sure that nothing I ever said to you was true. You with all your deductions and observations… Tell me.”
Jacob didn't know if her touch helped or hindered. His brow creased and veins softly protruded from the skin at his temple. He was straining, using every bit of self-control he'd mustered over all his years of life, to keep himself together. Especially once she mentioned trust. Wasn't that the point of all of this? How deeply he'd trusted her? He'd given her the key she'd let herself into his home with to murder him.
He'd trusted her with every fiber of his being. And it had been that trust that had nearly killed him.
But something strange began to occur to him. Maybe it was this that hurt him the most. His mind had always been so advanced, so perceptive about those around him. He'd always known that he'd never solve Isobel like he did others; he always felt as if there were some side of her that were shrouded in an impenetrable black mist that he simply couldn't see through. But the parts he'd been able to see - he understood. The parts she'd revealed to him - he'd solved.
Was it his pride that was most wounded to find that he was wrong about her? Was that why he'd come all this way? If he'd truly been wrong about her, she would have shot him the moment she saw it was him sitting in her parlor.
No. He would have died that night in London.
No. He hadn't been wrong.
She was still Isobel.
His hands were shaking now as they still rested against her face. There were a culmination of emotions running through him, and he wasn't quite sure which one he was feeling. He knew she was still waiting for him to respond; to say something in his irreverently eloquent way of explaining things beyond the most finite detail. But nothing came. He could make no sound.
He could only hope - as they stood in the grip of one another - that she could still read through his eyes as easily as she'd always been able to. To see into his heart and just... know what was in his heart of hearts. As he gazed into hers, he could see the cold hardened steel she'd put around herself. It was a sturdier version of the walls she'd had when they'd first met. She only would have re-erected these walls if she were trying to protect herself from some undeniable pain.
Pain. Or regret. Or loss.
And it was in that moment that he knew that there were no more words to be said between them. Not right now at least. And so, he said nothing.
Instead...
He leaned in and pressed his lips hard against hers, pouring every ounce of pain and misery and longing out of his body.
Because with Isobel, there was one thing that was true about him that had never been true before or since.
With Isobel, he was truly a fool.
There's a hole in my soul, I can't fill it I can't fill it. There's a hole in my soul. Can you fill it? Can you fill it?
When the one that you love is revealed to have a dark heart, it is… well, it’s excruciating. I speak from experience. ↳2.05 - Ancient History
Even we with power have weakness.
"I speak from experience."
Take me to church. I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life.
What a Wicked Game You Play || Isobel & Jacob (closed)
"And who said I was the one who wished you dead?!" Isobel snapped quickly, feeling the sting of his accusations hitting her deep. Not that he was speaking untruths. She certainly wasn’t the Isobel he once knew. She was worse. Colder inside, more cruel. And yet it still remained that this ghost could tame her. Perhaps because he had been her conscience ever since she had left London, the memories of his warm breath whispering in her ear.
"I would never… want to kill you. Not in a million years.” She said with a sigh, taking a moment to assess whether or not Jacob looked as if he’d take a step closer. His scent still gave off the tang of anger, but if Isobel knew anything, she knew the look in Jacob’s eyes. He was trying to puzzle her out. It was almost a relief to know that at least was one thing that even death could not take from him.
She lowered her gun a fraction of an inch, her hands still at the ready if he chose to advance on her yet again, but still tilted the gun in a show of a wary attempt at diffusing the situation. “You get like this… Jacob, you get like this, you look at a thing too hard, you try and puzzle it all away, and in doing so you see things that aren’t there.” Isobel stared back at him, her ice blue eyes staring into the brown of his own.
"You accuse me of unhappiness at seeing you alive. You accuse me of… of purposefully wishing you ill, of picking you out at random for some imagined slight against me to destroy." Her voice was calculated, constant, her words lilting in her brogue, some attempt at soothing Jacob’s racing, enraged mind. "And yet, you give no quarter to any other rationale. You say you gave no thought to taking a killer into your bed. What makes you think I did so with murder on my mind?"
Isobel shifted her weight once more, rocking back from the balls of her feet to rest heavily on her heels. Jacob was the most perceptive man she’d ever met. It was one of the many things about him that fascinated her, in fact. He’d certainly see how she was using body language to try and show how she would open herself up to him—a sort of non-verbal white flag, if you will.
They had always been able to carry on multiple conversations simultaneously this way. Even when they’d argue, they’d been able to use small shifts of their weight, twitches of their hands or fingers, tilts of their head to speak soft words of adoration to each other. Isobel had been told once that it was a thing of beauty to behold. And she had always been more than eager to agree.
"You don’t make an easy target by seducing them. There’s a closeness created there. Too much of a risk of damaging yourself in the process. No… You know me, Jacob. You know I don’t take such risks. Neither am I so vain or easily stirred to anger than some small slight would rake a sort of desperate bloodlust within me.” Isobel tilted her head slightly to the side, cocking a brow as if to ask if he returned the promise of truce before continuing. “No, as I said before, if I was the one who wished you dead, you would have been buried underground a long time ago. I do not make mistakes.”
Yet the unspoken truth lay between them: She had indeed attempted to kill him. Whether it was fate or her own doing that had kept him from falling off the brink was anyone’s guess. Even if Isobel did not wish to admit it, the fact that Jacob was alive became living proof of so very many mistakes the girl had made.
"So then let me pose to you a few questions of my own, if I may interrupt your puzzling… What is your motive for coming here, Jacob? What use is it for your to come and find me? Are you looking for absolution? Or perhaps vengeance? You certainly could make a case for such heavy-handed dealings, if that’s what you’re after.” She shrugged a shoulder and laughed coldly, more derision to herself than aimed towards Jacob. “Or are you sincerely seeking the death I so apparently deprived of you? I didn’t think of you as someone so ready for the grave when there are still people to solve… Including myself, as I do believe I am still your most difficult puzzle of all.”
Jacob hadn't forgotten. It was their most subtle dance. They had been so in tune with one another for so long. At crime scenes, they'd been able to carry on full conversations just with the slightest twitches in their bodies; never uttering one word. He might have almost died, but not one inch of his intellect or perception had gone with the blood he'd lost. But her movements now... They weren't welcome. They only served to further complicate this puzzle that was their shattered relationship. It seemed every time he clicked one piece of the puzzle into place, ten more pieces fell into his lap.
His lips pursed ever so slightly before relaxing, his brows crinkled only momentarily. She'd obviously been much better at reading him than he'd ever been at reading her. This frustrated him. Her laughter frustrated him. Her words pushed every single fragile button. He'd never viewed himself as vulnerable, especially never fragile. But here he stood, barely holding himself together.
His grey-blue eyes gazed at her in complete silence. There were so many things he could have said; so many paths he could have taken. "As I walked here," he said, deciding to go with the truth, "I feared death, it's true. But as I stand here, realizing how futile this mission of mine was, I've never wished for death more." His fingers all stretched down towards the ground before curling back into the fist they'd previously been in.
That could laugh she'd let out only moments ago rung in his ears and stirred his blood. There was one thing he wanted. His eyes broke from hers and turned down to the floor as he felt his anger building again. "Was it all a lie?" he asked her, his voice barely above a whisper. When she didn't answer, his eyes snapped up and he crossed the room towards her rather quickly until his hands gripped her face, "Was it all a lie!?"
What a Wicked Game You Play || Isobel & Jacob (closed)
It’d been a while since Isobel had done a perimeter sweep of Oxford. She liked to keep herself apprised of any changes in the town. Didn’t matter that she’d only been in town a few months at most. A good hunter knew to stay wise to the lay of the land. Even if that just meant noticing that Mrs. Jones had planted new rosebushes, thereby making one rouse of escape a bit more difficult to traverse.
Plus, Isobel was loathe to admit it, but taking a long, looping walk about town was—soothing. She wasn’t much of one to linger too much within her own mind, of course. It was a terrible place. She wouldn’t suggest anyone spend much time there. Especially not when it was already so well occupied by the one ghost she still had yet to shake.
The girl let out a sigh as she rounded the corner of her block and shoved her hands deep into the brown military-style jacket that had become one of her trademarks. Jacob had said it suited her once…
"Och, Leave it." Isobel muttered. What had she just been saying to herself but a moment ago? Leave the dead to the dead. What good was she doing, hoarding a dead man in the corners of her mind?
It wouldn’t bring him back.
As Isobel walked up the steps to her front door, the girl froze in place. It couldn’t be—It wasn’t possible. And yet, here she stood, awash in the scent of the one person whose smell she could never forget: Jacob Claymore. It—It was almost as if someone had bottled him and maliciously sprayed his scent all over her front door. It was practically painted on, and spilling out of the crevices.
With a practiced hand, Isobel slipped her revolver out from the inside pocket of her jacket, hiding the gun from the view of prying eyes along the street as she screwed on the silencer. She casually unlocked the door with her free hand, only the stiffness of her spine giving away that Isobel was on high alert. And even then, you had to be very practiced at observation to even begin to think anything was amiss with the young woman.
The moment the door closed behind her, though, Isobel was on high alert. She lifted the gun to eye level, finger ready on the trigger to fire two quick shots to the head. It was the most effective and cleanly way to dispatch someone. After all, Isobel had only just rented this place a month ago, she really didn’t feel like paying someone off to clean up a bunch of blood without asking questions.
The scent of Jacob crashing over her like a wave over and over again was of no help either. It made her arm less steady, her usually silent steps faltering every so often. Seemed as if even now, Isobel couldn’t quite give up the ghost of the one person who had ever really understood her, even without really knowing her.
But as she rounded the corner to her living room—where the scent was strongest, of course, and also where Izzie could feel body heat emanating from, making it the most obvious place her intruder was lurking—she could never have prepared herself for seeing a dead man walking.
"J-Jacob." Isobel breathed, pupils dilating and lips quivering ever so slightly as she took in the sight of the man she had left for dead over a year ago. He was talking, yes, but she was reeling inside. Perhaps her face showed no emotion, no change, because that was what she had been trained to do. Show nothing. Emote nothing. Feel nothing.
But how could she not when the man she loved more than all the money in the world—whom she had all but watched bleed to death with her knife in his back—was standing right in front of her?
This must be a trick. Some strange trick of the mind, playing with her fears of what she really was meant to be doing in this small town so far from home. Fears that she would make the same mistake again, get herself attached to someone here and be forced to kill them too. Jacob was a ghost. He was always a ghost. He’d visited her in her dreams before, much like this. Screaming and cursing her, demanding answers. So why… why could she smell him this time?
And yet when he advanced towards her, she still took a step back, flinching ever so slightly as he raised his voice. As she always did in her dreams. Because she couldn’t kill him. No matter what he ordered her to do. She couldn’t go through with it. Not again.
"Yee’re alive." She said finally after he was quite finished. Though it was said quite matter-of-factly, there was something of a question there. She’d had waking dreams of him before. He was her ghost, after all. Maybe he had followed her across the waters to haunt her here as well. Wouldn’t put it past him.
"And even if yah are, I don’t quite see why ye’d ask me to kill yah again, seeing as I apparently did such a shoddy job the last time. What makes ye think this time will be any better?" She kept the gun trained on him, though, instinct and training still running the show as her emotions roiled just under the stony surface of her skin, leaving Isobel at their mercy.
"Besides, why would ye ask me to anyway… When ye know damn well I would have done so five minutes ago if I really meant ta do so." Isobel said very quietly, re-wrapping her hands around the gun as she swallowed a lump in her throat and stared right back.
Jacob had noticed every single move she'd made. It was so... Out of character. To see her jump back, to see her wince; but it was the quiver of her lip and the need to tighten her grip on her gun. Those were the things that caused him the most inner turmoil. "Well, you obviously aren't the Isobel that I remember," he said, arms hanging at his side. "The Isobel I knew never would have hesitated to kill someone she wanted dead."
Jacob's lower jaw moved back and forth for a moment before he shook his head a little, "You had to have had a reason to want me dead. Whatever the reason was, it must make you rather unhappy to find that I'm alive. My body has only barely healed from the knife you left in my back. Funny thing about having a mind like mine; able to memorize and retain so many things. I wake up many nights feeling as if the knife was never removed."
His blue eyes stared at her, completely emotionless. He was handling this as if it were his job; as if it were a puzzle he had to solve. Like it was his own demise he were trying to predict. "Perhaps that was your motive. Perhaps I offended you in some way I was unaware of and you devised the best way to torture me. To make sure that I would feel the - literal - stab of betrayal in my back for the rest of my life."
A short laugh then escaped him, "I must applaud you. You did quite well. I haven't yet figured out how you knew exactly what to do to insert yourself into my life. Though perhaps I just didn't give enough thought to the fact that I'd taken a professional killer into my bed. How foolish of me to think that you would never turn these skills upon me. When really, I was your easiest target, was I not?"
What a wicked game you play, you make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do, make me dream of you. What a wicked thing to say, never felt that way. What a wicked thing to do, make me dream of you. My world was on fire, and no one could save me but you. It's strange what desire will make foolish people do. I never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you. I never dreamed that I'd miss somebody like you.
What a Wicked Game You Play || Isobel & Jacob (closed)
Jacob had been in Oxford for nearly two days already. He'd made it his goal after speaking with his last contact outside the airport to head here and confront her directly. But as soon as he arrived in his hotel room in Oxford, everything suddenly became very real. He'd spent his entire two days in Oxford wide awake in his hotel room either staring at a wall, a picture, or pacing the floor. He'd stopped as soon as he noticed the slightest pattern in the carpet. Wouldn't do well for him to look like he'd been having a moral dilemma if he were to die today.
Perhaps that was why he hadn't gone yet. He was afraid of the fact that she'd tried to kill him once, so why wouldn't she try again? And this time, she would likely succeed. He wasn't a fool. He'd seen Isobel in action; he knew exactly how lethal she could be. How he'd managed to survive the first time was simply an act of God. He doubted he would be so lucky a second time.
But then, he was going to have to face her at some point. He'd come this far, he couldn't turn back now. So, if he was going to die, why put off the inevitable?
So, after a quick shower to make sure and keep himself awake, he pulled on his usual uniform of jeans, converse, a t-shirt and a light jacket and headed out into the late September evening.
He didn't know if he would find her in her home or not. He rather hoped he wouldn't. And he ended up lucking out. She was gone; but he didn't know for how long. Pulling the proper tools from his back pocket, he made easy work of picking her locks and let himself into the house, locking the doors behind him. His rather sensitive (for a human) nose could smell her practically everywhere. It surprised him how much it made him ache. But he pushed it aside. He had a job to do.
So, he went to the living room, took a place on the couch, and he waited.
And waited.
It was nearly two hours later, well after the sun had set, that Isobel returned home. He listened to her cautious steps. She was - as always - aware that someone was about. When she turned the corner and came into view, brandishing a gun aimed at his head, he couldn't help but find it rather ironic.
"Well, I suppose that would be a better method, make sure you really killed me this time," Jacob said before standing. "It would be more ironic if the gun were aimed at my heart, but I wager you're already quite happy with the damage you've done there. And well, the back certainly didn't work for you last time. So, let's have it." He said, motioning her on, "You want to kill me, yes? Though that's not really a question, I already know the answer. For the longest, I wanted to know the why. But, alas, that feeling has left."
Silence passed between them for a long moment and he took a step forward, his voice raising a bit, "Come now, Isobel. Do what you failed to do in London. Finish me off!"
He had never craved death like he did in that moment. Walking here, he hadn't wanted to die. But in this moment, he would much rather die than look into the eyes of the woman he once loved for one second longer.
"I could have sworn I was wearing a shirt at some point."