jacob.greb

characters in this fictional world. boy loves boy. ❤️ boy loves girl. ❤️ all about mental illness. love. life. friendship. self. (jacobgreb.com)

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dating 101

Exit my sanity. Exit my reality. Hi, my name is Matthew. Matty for short. I’m in my twenties, single, and I hate dating. The following will

Dating 101: a novella

[jacobgreb]

Story Teller and His Senseless Bits

story teller, vol. 1

• a collection of short stories and flash fiction. an attempt to look at life from a different perspective. we are writers. we are meek stor

[an-empty-table]

🔒 happily ever after

[jacobgreb]

who can forget malec? miss this show. miss them.

[jacobgreb]

Storyteller vol. 3: Midnight Haze Another set of short story collection debuts March 15, 2023. Writing for Therapy. Writing as Therapy. Unconventional. Experimental. Caught in a moment.

https://jacobgreb.com/portfolio/story-teller-volume-3/

#writingtherapy

[hillergoodspeed]

[jacobgreb]

real time with jacob

real time with jacob

Last Entry Here it is, my last entry. These random notes have run longer than planned. The initial purpose of these was to help me gather the shreds of my broken mind and to some degree patch them back together. The notes were to be a familiar company that took a ride with me through therapy. But, it’s time to move on and focus on spilling personal chaos into tales and fables. Goodbye for…

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real time with jacob

real time with jacob

My Apology Why do I apologize so much, especially for my behaviour, my thoughts? Guilt. Shame. Fear of rejection. I figure when I apologize, it softens the blow, reveals my humanity, and dissects my damage. Guilt and anger are my primary drivers. Let me clarify. I don’t feel guilty and angry all the time. But they are emotions that tend to creep in when I feel the most vulnerable when my…

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real time with jacob

real time with jacob

After the Thoughts It’s been a week and my engagement with the thoughts of death has pretty much stayed the same. My captivity. However, instead of burying them and keeping them on lockdown, I spill them out. I open up and talk, although frightening, it makes me feel in control. These are thoughts that I need to work through instead of giving into them. I try to get through the day instead of…

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[jacobgreb]

real time with jacob

real time with jacob

In Need of a Reboot Feeling suicidal lately, which is never a good sign. I get these moments of simply feeling down, depressed, and thoughts of death begin to swirl in my mind. It’s consistent with brief moments of rest. And even when I’m not preoccupied with thoughts of death, they seem to linger in the back of my head. Yes, I’ve told my wife about it and it’s another round of worry. This is…

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real time with jacob

real time with jacob

Rollercoaster After rereading some of my entries, I write myself as being on a rollercoaster. One moment, I’m stable, collected, sensible, and happy to a point. The other moment, I am self-loathing, confused, and dismal. Truth is, that’s pretty much my life. The randomness. The inconsistency. It is, however, not as bad as it sounds. At least not as of lately. The extremes are gone. I don’t want…

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real time with jacob

real time with jacob

Hair Dilemma I started to hate my hair today. It got long over the few months and I simply started to despise it. I was almost on the verge to shave it all off. I cried for an hour hating myself. Would that be an indication of my meltdown? My breakdown? I  settled on a trim. I sprinted out of the bathroom with wet hair and scissors in hand and took the first slice without regret in front of a…

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real time with jacob

real time with jacob

Stress in the Pit of my Stomach The physical symptoms of stress can cause havoc and it happens more often than not. The digestion of stress occurs in my gut and it doesn’t feel good. It’s a locking mechanism that my stomach completely halts the process of moving the food through. It’s like everything I ingested just simply stays idling and rotting. At times, we forget how powerful our thoughts…

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[jacobgreb]

real time with jacob

real time with jacob

Communication Part 2 or I Lost Count Telling your spouse that you want to hurt yourself or end your life is shitty. It’s scary. It’s a vulnerability that you don’t want to share. It’s the truth you don’t want to admit. There are most of the time a lot of tears involved, mostly on my part because of the guilt, shame, the feeling of failure. For every win, there is a smile. But for every loss in…

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real time with jacob

real time with jacob

The Trouble With Language A lump, a blimp, a blip, all sound the same to me today. Not just sound, possess the same meaning. Possess as in, take possession of, seize, have full control and power over it. In the remote everything appears to be in unison merging into one undeviating straight line. Like the sound of buzzing, “beeeeeeeeeeeeeee…” Hopefully, when I close my eyes this will all pass but…

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[jacobgreb]

https://simonjacob.home.blog/portfolio/lovers-tiff/

[jacobgreb]

https://simonjacob.home.blog/portfolio/lovers-tiff/