jade, lately

some thoughts, some coffee, some quiet. documenting the days i don’t understand yet. if you’re here, stay a while — love, jade

[jadeaftercoffee]

i existed in the spaces left over.

[sugar-petals]

modern media in a nutshell

[jadeaftercoffee]

Sometimes wounds reopen and memories resurface, but is it nostalgia or bitterness?

[jadeaftercoffee]

wrote a poem, ‘the jester’s last trick’ inspired by that viral illustration on TikTok made by @karolineprihodko 👀🩷

[jadeaftercoffee]

To the eldest daughter in everyone’s lives, for you:

[jadeaftercoffee]

how cruel is it to die by the hands of the people you loved… multiple times?

[jadeaftercoffee]

the kind of love i prayed for. the kind of love i received. 💗

[jadeaftercoffee]

i spent years trying to love the hurt away.

[jadeaftercoffee]

thirty feels less like an ending and more like finally coming home to myself.

i spent so many years surviving things i never spoke about out loud, carrying grief in quiet places, loving people harder than i ever loved myself, waiting for life to begin while watching it pass me by. but somewhere along the way, the hurting softened. the ache stopped feeling permanent. and for the first time in a long time, i can finally say i am at peace.

so this is what turning thirty means to me:

not losing my youth,

but finding myself.

i am no longer begging to be chosen, understood, or enough for people who could not hold me gently. i am no longer shrinking to fit into places that only loved me conditionally. i have made peace with the versions of me that only knew how to survive.

and now, i want more.

more laughter.

more softness.

more love that does not leave scars.

more mornings that feel light.

more life.

maybe my story did not begin the way i hoped it would. maybe it took me thirty years to become someone i could finally recognize in the mirror. but i think there is something beautiful about arriving late and still arriving whole.

life begins for me now.

and this time, i will live it unapologetically.

[jadeaftercoffee]

the golden days of victories and fame have put my name out there, where people hung on to every word I wrote. I was the poet. I was the writer. until i chose to put down the pen to bring my ghosts to rest.

it took me time to find myself, and now i’m slowly refilling my ink.

[jadeaftercoffee]

why does living have to be an everyday battle?

[jadeaftercoffee]

SessKag Fanfic Revival?

i do miss writing Somewhere in Time...

[jadeaftercoffee]

with you, i have learned the shape of calm.

[jadeaftercoffee]

to you, the eldest daughter:

[jadeaftercoffee]

we often lose ourselves wanting to do "more". that's how we lose our spark, because we forget that taking care of ourselves should always come first before everything else.

[jadeaftercoffee]

happy May 1st.

may you find your place in this vast field of flowers and bloom beautifully. 🥀

[paper-wounds]