Jade

[jadeveil]

Hey, you can call me Jade. This is primarily a blog for venting, ranting, and random talk. The blog is a home to a jirai.

I'm 22 and use she/angel/venom + other neos.

Warnings for my blog include sh, passive sui ideation, od mentions, ed and calorie counting, derealization episodes, homicidal ideation, depersonalization episodes, paranoia, hallucination talk, religious trauma, mentions of cannibalism / self-cannibalism and other things I need to remember!

I do not and will not post in tags, I don't like posting in tags anymore as it isn't my thing.

If you randomly find me and want to get to know me, you can! Asks or messages are fine as long as it isn't flirting or sexual as I am married. I love answering questions no matter how weird, though!

Please read this post! Any followers MUST block me.

DNI racists, homophobes, transphobes, maga / ice / trump supporters, friends of despairmikans and sourcandieez, pro contact paras, harmful radqueers, endogenic & proendo / nontraumagen "systems", f/o doubles (making a list with my straw page), "dx abuse" believers

I'll also just block people I don't like.

Userboxes from jiraisupportgroup!

[jadeveil]

I hate being hungry but I also hate not really feeling like having a chance to eat. I know that with the trip everyone went on, the money for food would have been tight regardless... but I also had to make my single meal each day last so this bitch could have each meal she wanted. A meal the first day and then dessert with coffee, two meals the next day with dessert (I only had one meal), and then two today (I had a few chips from a bag because there isn't anything left).

I'm just so tired. Majority of what offered more calories was back to back nutritional shakes while I kept a meal from 2pm yesterday all the way to 1am this morning. It just sucks. And I don't want her to get bitched at but I regret there not being more. I'm starving and there isn't much of anything in the house, I don't want rice or cereal, and I hate pancakes.

I was requested to eat two meals per day at the least. But I haven't had anything today and made excuses because it'll be my ass on the line. I'm so hungry all the time but I always ignore it because I don't see a point. I'll just chew the inside of my mouth until I have nothing left. Feel like the blame is on me, though. Even staying cheap for myself, I avoided everything just because someone else eats all the time. Like I'm happy that she eats, but it's also at my expense as well.

Finally at the point where eating anything hurts so whatever. If it keeps making me sick, there really isn't a point to eating at all.

[nuclear-atm0sph3ar]

heres ur chance to like a a posts bc the pride flag thing is satisfying

[jadeveil]

Chronic boredom sucks because nothing is interesting to me right now and I want to eat in my boredom but I don't have the money for what I want to eat.

[jadeveil]

Being dead serious about blocking anyone that interacts with sourcandiezz. Like genuinely. I am not going to be around people that interact with someone that sends me threats and stalks me.

[jadeveil]

Marry me?/nf

We're already married! I will marry you again and again, though!!!

[emartery]

hey do you wanna play this game with me its called staying together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and

[grotesquex]

hi haha are you thinking about me hahahahah am i on your mind hahahaha please tell me i’m on your mikdbhahahaha ( nonchalant )

[jadeveil]

You know it's bad when even water burns your stomach...

[jadeveil]

Need to have a day where people let me go without eating and not having to promise them that I'll eat or forcing me to. I cannot go another day of this. I'm literally about to force myself to throw up if this happens again. I'm fucking sick of it. If i eat and then promptly die, I'm slitting my own throat or not eating for a full week.

[jadeveil]

A little after I got my new phone, Tumblr did the horrific thing of updating and now I can only post and maybe like one or two posts before it ruins my entire phone by lagging it out. Like can I not have my joy and whimsy back? Why is it that Tumblr has to be the worst app in existence right now just because of stupid updates? I want to doomscroll and vent about my days and headaches but no!

[jadeveil]

Hate having a headache like this because my eye hurts and my jaw hurts. I don't mean to keep it locked but my head hurts so much that it stays that way against my will. I can't even listen to music like I wanted to from it and everything is boring. I feel so sick...

[jadeveil]

I am going to burn the world down.

[jadeveil]

I am going to flip my shit if it's not because of the third goddamn nosebleed within a week and it's because of grass pollen. I haven't been keeping up with it but my jaw hurts, too. I hate this.

[jadeveil]

Such a bad headache. I hate my life.

[jadeveil]

What do you mean it hasn't been twenty minutes but three hours of me struggling to sleep? It was just one in the morning... I hate checking the time for things and realizing that I've been trying to not get sick again for 3 hours...

[jadeveil]

I have such a problem with eating actual food and then tearing into my own flesh. Like I'm hungry but I can never be full without feeling sick so I eat little food and then massacre myself by eating my own skin. It sucks but I've done it for years to the point it's just accepted. I spent all day yesterday chewing my flesh before managing a snack.