On Strength and Body Image
First off, complimenting women on aspects of their physical appearance is dicey territory. Avoid it if possible. Secondly, the following advice applies only to me, probably not everyone. And only to me in this particular era of my existence.
All that said, if you would like to compliment me, personally, right now…
Don’t say that I’m “thin.” Or that I’m “so skinny,” or “no wider than a jug of coconut water” (yep I’ve heard that one). “Thin” is not a compliment for me, at least not right now, and the teasing way that it’s usually spoken seems to hint more at unhealthy comparison than healthy praise.
Instead, if you want to compliment me… Tell me I’m strong. Ask what’s the draw weight of my recurve bow. Challenge me to an arm wrestling match (either arm!), or help me hoist my 40-lb kid onto my shoulders. Cheer me on as I train for my latest life goal: to pull off one pull-up from a dead hang.
For me, “thin” is sort of passive, a product of healthy eating habits and metabolism, neither of which require much active dedication on my part. (For the moment… I have done the dieting thing in the past.) But “strong” is something I’m daily working hard to be. “Strong” recognizes the hours of effort each week with resistance bands and body-weight exercises in my living room. “Strong” compliments my dedication, my persistence, my goal-setting and goal-achieving.
So tell me I’m strong. That takes you out of the body image comparison game, and puts you instead on my cheering squad. It’s a lot grittier and sweatier on the squad—but for me, for right now, it’s a better place to be.