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♡ — BORN TO DIE . . .

PAIRING : sheriff!rafe x farmer’sdaughter!reader SUMMARY : “feet don’t fail me now. take me to the finish line. oh, my heart it breaks every step that i take.” — secrets and sex; aka a perfect recipe for disaster. when rafe’s hand is forced to suspend one of his deputies, all is unveiled at a town hall meeting in the name of revenge. now he must make a choice, keep the career he has served for half of his life, or be with you, the only girl who has managed to give life to his once stone cold heart. WARNINGS : a lotttt of angst, age gap, brief smut in the beginning, unprotected sex, arguing, small time skip, slight manipulation, topper being the worst person ever, physical violence (it’s all justified i swear), fingering, dirty talk, pull out method, blackmail, a lot of slut shaming, mentions of excessive use of force and sexual harassment, public humiliation, mutual pining, lots of crying, mentions of abandonment, both mommy and daddy issues (sorry), use of a firearm AUTHOR’S NOTE : this took me a lot longer than i expected it to, but i hope you all enjoy reading it as much as i loved writing it. this was greatly inspired by the song ‘born to die’ by lana del rey, and i’m hoping to write more fics inspired by the album in hopes to create a series! also sorry for any mistakes if there’s any <3 WORD COUNT: 10k

“What’s wrong with you?” You turned around, glaring at Rafe who currently looked like a deer caught in headlights. Both of you were in the backseat of his cruiser, his patrol car parked just off the side of the road from city limits.

“Another sheriff just passed by.” He panted, wiping the sweat from his brow. Rolling your eyes, you sat there on all fours, waiting and hoping he’d just continue with his ministrations. “Who cares?” You moved your hips, “clearly whoever it was wasn’t concerned enough to stop.” Rafe groaned upon feeling you slide back down his length, his eyes screwing shut before he shook his head.

“Fuck— I can’t,” He apologized, “I’m sorry but I can’t.” Cursing under your breath, you moved away from him once he pulled out, a mix of frustration and anger swirling around in your chest. “You do this every fucking time.” You spat, reaching for your panties that were long forgotten on the dashboard.

Rafe huffed through his nose, his eyes traveling down your backside before he was buckling his pants. “I told the department that I had this side of town covered, it’s not my fault if someone went against my orders, alright? No one was supposed to be over here except us.” Ignoring him, you hooked your bra from the back. “Whatever you say, asshole.” Your tone had that sarcastic bite that Rafe couldn’t bear hearing.

“I’m on the clock. You shouldn’t even be mad at me for reacting like this.” He rose his voice, in which he immediately regretted as soon as he met your eyes. “You’re acting like this was all my idea!” You shouted, slipping on your dress. “Need I remind you that you’re the one who called me up tonight?” Rafe’s jaw ticked, his fingers working to get his shirt buttoned up.

“You’re the one who rung my phone, drove out to my house to pick me up, and take me allll the way out here to fuck me. ‘Cause God forbid you get caught having a little rendezvous.” You got out of the car, slamming the door shut before crossing your arms over your chest.

“Rendezvous?” Rafe shot back, “Is that what you want to call this?!” You watched as he came around the car, his muscles bulging through his shirt. “Well that’s what it feels like!” You screamed, “We meet up, we have sex, and you act like you don’t know me in public. It feels fucking great!” Rafe pinched the bridge of his nose, his chest rising and falling with each frustrated sigh.

“This isn’t a relationship, Rafe, no matter how much you insist it is. Having shitty steaks and beer at your house isn’t a date. Dropping my hand and leaving me alone in public isn’t boyfriend behavior, either. You act like being seen with me is an abomination or something— you’re the one who makes it like this!” You cried out, shielding your face from him as you felt the tears beginning to prick your eyes.

“I don’t know why I keep letting you in.” Rafe reached for your hands but you were quick to swat them away. “Don’t call me anymore.” You stormed off, your boots crunching into the small gravel as you started walking down the road. “Hey—! I’m not letting you walk home by yourself!” He shouted after you, fixing the collar of his shirt before marching towards you.

“I don’t need your permission—!” You yelped when he swept you off your feet, his strong arms securing you in place as he threw you over his shoulder, taking you back to the car. “Put me down!” You pounded on his back, kicking your feet and squirming until he dumped you into the passenger’s seat and closed the door.

Attempting to open it back up again, you laughed bitterly when the handle didn’t budge. Stupid cop cars and their child-proof locks. “Can we please talk about this—” Cutting him off, you shouted. “No!” your scream was deafening in the stuffy space of his car, “Every time we ‘talk’ about things, you still do what you do. We’re done resolving things, Rafe. Just take me home.” You settled into the leather seat, your cheeks damp with tears as rafe drove back onto the road in defeat.

God, you needed to get out of this fucking town already.

The ride back to your place was silent, except for the occasional apology Rafe tried to spew over and overs again.

“It’s just hard for me to be with someone when everyone watches my every move, okay? I have a reputation around here and if I want to keep my job then I need to keep up with it.” You knew what he was really saying, and that was the fact that your history with getting in trouble and not being a ‘good girl’ clashed with his ‘squeaky clean, nice cop’ persona.

“I’m not a good look for you, I get it.” At this, Rafe gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. “You’re the face of the county; Hell, maybe even the whole town. You have to uphold certain values, and being with someone half your age with a record doesn’t fit into that box. Explain no more.”

Rafe absolutely hated this. He hated that you were so aware of what was at stake. “You’re a grown man, Rafe. You’ve never been married, you don’t have any kids, your 401k is fucking loaded, and yet, you still feel the need to prove something to these people. Why?” You felt nothing but pure dread once your house came into view.

“You know what? Don’t even answer that, ‘cause I still won’t understand. You’ve given twenty-two years of your life to this town, and I can’t even get one night out of you,” You laughed, “what a fucking joke.” Rafe hadn’t even put the car in park when you hopped out, not daring to look back as you made your way inside, the screen door slamming shut behind you.

Rafe was pissed at himself for the rest of his shift, your words ringing out in his head for what seemed like hours. Truth is, Rafe could retire right now and give you both a comfortable life. Why wouldn’t he do it though? He doesn’t even know the answer. His job became his life shortly after he started serving, and he didn’t have the time to get into a relationship, let alone have the time to get to know someone enough to tell if he liked them or not, he never thought of a future where he was anywhere but here so that pretty much closed off his horizons, and it wasn’t until you came into the picture that he started feeling like just maybe there was something more to life than work and Sunday night football.

He was already too dedicated, already in too deep to just give it all up. You were still so young, he wasn’t sure if he was capable of making you happy enough to stay. Shit, he wasn’t even making you happy now. What he did know, though, was that what you wanted more than anything was to get out of town to start new somewhere else and that just wasn’t negotiable for him. Even when his job as the town’s sheriff is long gone, he already made his life here— why would he leave?

3 months later . . .

“Can I get a few beers for me and my buddies?” You froze when you heard the familiar voice, your eyes shooting up to meet none other than deputy Topper Thornton.

Averting your gaze to follow the direction he was motioning towards, you felt your stomach flip at the sight of Rafe out of his uniform.

You hadn’t seen him at all since he took you home that one night and you refused to answer any of his calls. You hardly left your house after that incident; which means you weren’t going around making any kind of trouble— especially now since you were so busy with your new bartending job.

Rafe stood tall over everyone else in his group, his broad shoulders filling out his button down quite nicely.

“What kind?” You tilted your head at the man in front of you, that stupid, cocky smirk adorning his lips as he answered. “Three Budweisers and a Corona for your boyfriend over there.” Scoffing at his words, you swallowed down the urge to say ‘He’s not my fucking boyfriend.’ Before you settled for an awkward clearing of your throat.

“That’ll be ten dollars.” You reached back for the cooler that sat on the counter, your skin crawling with unease once you looked back at Topper and saw him eyeing you in your work clothes. Spandex shorts and a cropped baby tee was hardly anything, but for the tips that you went home with every night? You couldn’t bring yourself to care.

Holding out the ten dollar bill, Topper leaned in once you went for the money in his hand.

“Think’ if I make this a hundred, I could get you in the back of my patrol car next?”

It was as if the world slowed down, any and all surrounding chatter falling deaf on your ears.

On cue, you glanced at Rafe only to see that he was already looking at you, a hint of warning fixed in his gaze as he stood there tensely.

Smiling sweetly, you grabbed the bill from Topper with one hand and reached for a half empty bottle of Vodka under the counter with the other before swinging it over his head with a loud crash!

Immediately, everyone ran over to where Topper collided with the cement flooring, his body lying limp as he fell unconscious. “What’s your fuckin’ problem?!” Kelce slammed his hand down on the counter, the sound not even making you flinch as the bar spun into chaos.

You panicked once you realized that what you did could indeed earn you a spot in a holding cell overnight.

So much for having a good streak going..

“Fuck, I gotta go.” You panted, flashing an apologetic look towards your co-worker.

Running to the dressing room, you were quick to grab your purse and take off out the back door, your heart beating in your ears as you held onto the cowboy hat on your head. Your boots kicked up nothing but dirt and rocks as you booked it down the road to your house, the path pitch black as the moon hid behind the trees.

Cursing to yourself, you had to come to a stop once you felt your lungs fighting to get a full intake of air, your muscles burning with tension as you panted.

You weren’t even nearly as ready to run again when you heard a ‘Hey!’ Echoing out in the distance. Narrowing your eyes, you felt your knees buckle when Rafe’s face stared back at you.

Deciding to meet him in the middle, you ran towards him, your palm colliding with his cheek when you reached him.

“What the fuck did you tell them about me?!” You were livid all overs again, your chin wobbling as Rafe adjusted the hat on his head. “What are you talking about?” He said incredulously, his brow arched in irritation. “Topper!” You screamed, “he just said he’d give me a hundred bucks if he could get me in the backseat of his car next— why does he think he could get me to do something with him at all, Rafe? What the fuck are you telling your department?” Rafe shook his head, his nostrils flaring as he looked wildly in the direction of the bar.

“Did you just—” He seethed, “did you just say that Topper offered you money for sex?” You watched as he rolled his sleeves up, his jaw clenching as his nostrils flared.

“Don’t act like you’re the mad one now, how else would he know about me and you?” You shoved him, “you draw the line at being seen with me in public but not when it comes to having your way with me, right? God, you’re such a fucking coward.” Rafe couldn’t believe his ears right now. He didn’t know what was crazier; The fact that you thought he told all of his colleagues about your private moments together, or the fact that being intimate with you was all that mattered to him.

“I didn’t say shit to anyone, I swear it.” Not knowing what to believe anymore, you scanned over his features, feeling nothing but pain tug at your heartstrings.

You still missed him after three months of no contact.

“Let me take you home,” He stepped closer, his thumb finding your chin, “I promise you, I’d never speak about you in any kind of sexual manner to anyone, baby. Topper is a dickhead, you know that.” Ignoring the small flutter in your chest at the pet name, you stepped around him despite still wanting to feel his hands on your body.

“Don’t call me that.” Was all you were able to say before you were being tugged back by your elbow. “I don’t want to continue on like this,” Rafe pleaded, “you don’t understand what it felt like seeing you behind that bar counter tonight. I miss you. Please— let me take you home.” He asked you once again, your resolve slowly starting to crumble.

The hold Rafe had on you was just downright awful.

Meeting his eyes, you made your decision as soon as you saw the way he was looking at you; Nothing but need and hot burning desire lighting up behind his irises. It already irritated you that Rafe looked so fucking good tonight— fresh haircut and shave, cowboy hat and neatly pressed dress shirt, jeans that fit him just right with his sheriff buckle glinting underneath the dim light.. everything about him was just straight magnetic and you were drawn to it.

“Why?” You whispered, “So we could sleep together and go back to being strangers?” Rafe shook his head, his hands cupping your face as he guided you to look back up at him. “You have my fucking word that’s not going to happen,” He leaned in, the familiar scent of his aftershave making you dizzy, “i’m going to deal with Topper tomorrow, I promise you he’s not going to get away with what he did.”

And just like that, you two found yourselves stumbling into his place, your hands ravaging his shirt as he groped you over the globes of your ass.

“I hate this outfit,” Rafe said through gritted teeth, “you look too fucking good in it.” He nipped at the sensitive spot on your neck, a sharp gasp sounding from your lips as he pinned you against the living room wall.

Separating your thighs with a knee, Rafe worked quickly to get you out of your clothes, his hands feeling like fire against your skin. You couldn’t help but palm him over his jeans, his bulge making your cunt throb with need.

You were so sure that if Rafe were to feel you through your panties right now he’d go crazy with the mess you already had sitting between your legs.

Leaving you in nothing but your push-up bra and boots, you didn’t have enough time to register what was happening before he spun you around and pulled you by the ends of your hair.

Grounding his hips into your backside, you moaned when the heavy weight of his cock rested between your cheeks, his breath tickling the side of your face as he spoke lowly into your ear. “Three fucking months,” He grunted, “for three fucking months I’ve thought about the next time I’d get to have you again.” Rough palm snaking around your waist, Rafe dipped his fingers below the waistband of your panties, a groan rumbling from his chest once he felt how soaked you were.

“I never stopped thinking of you, missing you,” You mewled when he used his index and middle finger to separate your folds, “..loving you.” Just then, Rafe stroked your clit, your mouth falling open as a cry rang out against the old wood of his living room.

“Fuck—!” You screamed, your eyes screwing shut as he rubbed you dumb. Rafe knew your body like the back of his hand, ‘knew what made your knees grow weak and your head pound in sheer, hot pleasure.

“Oh, I hate you,” You whined, your nails digging into the skin of his arm, “fuck you for making me come back here.” Rafe snickered, the tip of his nose running down the curve of your neck just before he nipped the flesh there, the action making stars appear in your vision.

Continuing his ministrations on your sensitive bundle of nerves, you really lost it when he entered a digit without warning.

Rendering yourself speechless, the only sounds coming out of your mouth were drunken babbles, your body giving up in its entirety as you surrendered to Rafe’s touch.

The slick sounds coming from your cunt turned Rafe on beyond belief— he needed to be inside of you now. If it wasn’t for Rafe holding you securely, you would’ve been on the floor by now, your legs feeling like jelly as he finger fucked you into oblivion.

“Ray—” you choked, the familar burning sensation spreading out through your core, “I’m cumming!” Wrapping a hand around your throat, Rafe squeezed as you convulsed, your orgasm knocking you off your feet with its intensity pulsing through your veins. Rafe didn’t slow down or become more gentler when you began weeping in his arms, your eyes rolling so far back into your head, all you could do was collapse at his complete and utter mercy.

Still trembling in the aftershocks of your orgasm, Rafe picked you up bridal style and started the way towards his room, your boot clad feet dangling off of his arm before he laid you down on the cold sheets of his bed. “Take off my shoes..” You whispered weakly, your bare chest rising and falling with each breath.

“They’re staying on, honey.” Your eyebrows knitted in confusion, all protests vanishing from your tongue once you looked down and saw him shirtless, his cock standing angry against his happy trail. Eyes flickering up to meet his own, you swallowed thickly as the bed dipped from under you, his hands guiding your legs over his shoulders before caging you in between his arms.

The tips of your noses were touching now, his lips ghosting over yours as he lined himself up with your entrance. Knowing what was to come, you waited with a bated breath, your mouth falling open with a squeal when he thrusted, his length filling you to the hilt in one go. You felt delirious already with him sitting hot and heavy inside of you, your lashes wet with tears as they streamed down the sides of your face.

“I’m sorry,” Rafe gasped ever so slightly when you clenched around him, his hips driving out before he slid back in, “you don’t deserve half the shit I put you through.” You hated him for saying words that drove right through your chest when he felt this good. “S-stop talking—” You shuddered, “you’re going to let me down again, I know it.” You couldn’t explain it, but something about this time around just felt final; like this was the end.

Rafe shook his head, connecting your lips in a kiss to shut you up. Wiping at your cheeks, Rafe guided you through both the pleasure and the pain his thrusts delivered, your nails raking down his flesh as he got closer to spilling into you. Filling your ears with everything he knew you loved to hear, you clung to him when his pubic bone began slamming against your clit, your cries echoing in his ears.

“Shit—” Rafe groaned, “I fucking love you.” Your body screamed at you to say it back, those four simple words; ‘I love you, too!’ but to no avail, you buried your face in his chest until you came with a broken sob. Rafe held you in place, ignoring your uncomfortable squirming from overstimulation setting in when his hips stuttered, his muscles growing taut as his high washed over him.

Despite you two being far past the point of using protection or taking any kind of precautions, you still pushed against his lower abdomen, prompting him to pull out and finish on your tummy instead.

Rafe, being far too absorbed in his own self pleasure, didn’t question anything as thick ropes of cum spurted across your skin, his fingers lacing with your own. Cheeks hot and damp, you breathed heavily against his flesh until he collapsed, his hand coming up to tuck away any stray hairs behind your ear.

You gazed up at the ceiling, feeling more disconnected than ever before.

Normally, you’d be the one all over Rafe— smothering him in kisses and wrapping his arms around your waist before laying your head on his chest in order to listen to his heart beat behind his ribs, but now? You couldn’t even spare him a glance as he panted beside you with low lidded eyes, his attention centered on the perfect curve of your lips.

You hoped with the lights off he wouldn’t be able to see the look of regret etched deeply into your features, your brows furrowed in both worry and sadness. You should not be here right now. Not naked, not with him, not here at his place at all.

Flashbacks of you two arguing replayed in your head, his words sticking to your brain like glue. It wasn’t long after your post orgasm bliss cleared away that you became hyper aware of your current position. Feet absolutely aching from keeping those damned boots on, skin slick with sweat, hair messy and tangled, makeup ruined.. it was safe to say you felt like shit.

“Stay here tonight.” The sound of Rafe’s voice brought you out of your trance-like state, your head moving in his direction. “What?” You let him trace a finger underneath your jaw as he spoke. “I want you to stay here with me,” Rafe repeated, “I go to work in the morning but you can leave whenever you want.”

The more you let Rafe have his way, the more you felt like you were getting sucked into something that would only result in you being hurt.

“Actually, I think I should go.” You blinked, propping yourself up on your elbows. If Rafe didn’t notice you feeling conflicted earlier, he was definitely noticing now. “Did I do something?” He turned, “What’s going on?” You sighed, shaking your head before sitting up. “I always end up in the same place with you. Three months of no contact for what? For me to give in to you with little to no effort on your end?” Now it was Rafe’s turn to be irritated. “Hey— don’t be mad at me because you made the decision to come here. It takes two people to do what we just did.”

Scoffing, you cursed under your breath when you looked around and realized your clothes were long forgotten about in the living room. “I don’t have it in me to argue with you right now,” You swallowed the lump in your throat, “I need to get home.” Rafe watched you stand up on shaky legs, the words he wanted to say just sitting on the tip of his tongue.

“Stay.” He said once again, “I want to talk to you about something.” You’d be lying if you said that you weren’t intrigued by what he had to say. Staring at him for a moment, you crossed your arms over your chest. “Shoot.”

“There’s a town hall meeting tomorrow night,” He started, “I’m supposed to give a speech and present some stuff that I received from the director and it’s gonna be a whole thing—” You stopped him before he could start rambling, “So?” Rafe cleared his throat, his hands growing clammy as he took a breath. “I want you to go with me.” He finally spit out, his eyes meeting your own.

Studying him, you watched as Rafe pulled on some briefs. “What do you mean ‘Go with you’? Like you want us to walk in together?” You couldn’t help the confusion that laced your tone. “No— well, yes, but not just that. I want you to be by my side the entire time. Be there with me.”

You stared at him, not completely catching onto what he was implying. “You’re okay with people seeing us together?”

At this, Rafe approached you gently, his thumb sweeping over your bottom lip. “I have to bite the bullet already, sweetheart,” He spoke, “you’re my lady.” You blinked, allowing him to peck your temple. There was a nagging voice in the back of your head telling you not to give in, to let Rafe reap what he sowed three months ago, but still, you let yourself be embraced by him when you nodded in agreement. “Come on, let’s get cleaned up.” Was the last words of his you registered before he got you in the tub.

Waking up the next morning, Rafe admired you while you slept, his fingers tracing along your flesh as you stirred softly under his sheets.

After he was dressed up and ready to go to work, he kissed the tip of your nose, physically having to rip his eyes off of your naked form before heading out to the station. Dreading the events that would surely be unfolding today, Rafe swallowed thickly as he watched Topper and Kelce walk into the office, the inevitable weighing heavy over him. Getting down from his truck, Rafe gripped the coffee tumbler in his hand and figured he’d just get the hard part of his day over with already.

“Mornin’, Cameron.” Kelce nodded towards Rafe, the action drawing Topper’s attention as he turned. Rafe refrained from cursing under his breath upon seeing the bruise that adorned Topper’s face, a dark shade of purple coloring his eye. To say you did a number on him would be an understatement, you absolutely wrecked Topper’s shit.

“Rafe, just the man I wanted to see!” Topper jogged over to the doorway of Rafe’s office, “I wanna press charges on that little bitch from last night.” Rafe cleared his throat, his jaw clenching at the misuse of your name. “Close the door behind you.” Rafe bit out, motioning towards the chair in front of his desk. Doing as he said, Topper plopped down in the seat. “Looks like she got you pretty good.” Rafe remarked, a deep sigh sounding from his lips. Topper snorted. “Yeah, well she’s been a problem for years. ‘Stupid girl thinks she can do whatever the hell she wants.” Nodding in understanding, Rafe clasped his hands together before further explaining himself. “I took a statement from that so called ‘stupid girl’ last night, and she told me you provoked her, ‘said you asked her a really invasive and quite offensive question.” Topper scoffed, his hands coming up defensively. “I didn’t provoke her! She hit me with a fucking glass bottle— look at my face! She’s clearly the one in the wrong here.”

Rafe pinched the bridge of his nose as Topper’s voice grew louder. “Whatever she said I did aside, she still assaulted an officer! That’s a felony and I want her to suffer the consequences.” Now it was Rafe’s turn to laugh, the man in front of him looking at him incredulously.

“Listen, that’s not going to happen. She isn’t the first girl that reported sexual misconduct against you, and for the record, you were off the clock when this took place, so no, she didn’t assault you in your uniform,” Rafe started, “I have a stack of papers that are fucking knee high, filled with reports of you using excessive force, being suggestive towards female inmates, and plently of other shit that I’m sure the director would like to see for himself.”

Topper stared at Rafe, stunned. “Your days of getting away with things are over, Thornton. I’m your boss before I’m your friend, and I’m done with the bullshit.” Topper shook his head, his knee bouncing wildly as anger began boiling to the surface.

“Why now, Rafe? If you knew about all of my reports, why are you barely doing something about it now?” Rafe ignored the uncomfortable feeling in his gut, both him and Topper finally sharing a look. Eyes catching on to the hickey peeking out of Rafe’s collar, everything started to click in Topper’s head. “Holy shit,” He smiled, leaning back in his seat, “you’re fucking her.” Rafe’s fists balled up at his sides as Topper sat in amusement.

“You know what, I’ll give it to you. She’s a pretty little thing, ‘wild one, too,” Topper laughed, “now that I’m thinking about it, it makes so much more sense,” He nodded, leaning forward so his elbows rested on Rafe’s desk, “what’s the appeal? I mean obviously we all know she’s hot, but why go through all this trouble for her? ‘She make you feel young again? Have a sex drive like a—” Rafe slammed his hands down on the hardwood desk, stopping Topper before he could say something that would have him leaving out of the station in an ambulance.

“Watch it, Thornton.” Rafe spoke low. Topper jolted back at the sound, his jaw clenching as Rafe began filling out discharge papers.

“You firing me?” Topper narrowed his eyes, “Over some whore you fuck in the back of your cruiser?” At this, Rafe froze.

“What did you just say?” Topper tongued his cheek, that cocky smirk making its way to his face again. “You heard me. See— at first, I just shrugged it off, ‘figured it wasn’t any of my business, but now? Now that you think this girl loves you or something and you’re trying to prove something to her at my expense, it has everything to do with me.” Rafe’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He said through gritted teeth.

“A few months ago we were all on night shift. You took the outskirts of town and the rest of us took our own little sides for patrol watch until a call came through that was meant for you to tend to since it was in your jurisdiction, and well.. you never responded,” Topper explained, “so I took it upon myself to go since I was closest to the area, and I remember I kept calling for you on the radio and you never answered. So naturally, I called Steve and asked him if you were showing up on the network; Only to see if maybe you were dealing with wherever the call was coming from, or if God forbid you were in some kind of trouble and needed backup, but Steve said you were inactive on the radio radar— meaning, you manually turned yours off.” Topper hummed.

“I thought; ‘Hmm, that’s weird, that’s not like Rafe— the head, the captain, to turn off his radio. He knows how serious it could be if something happened on his watch due to negligence’. Anyways, I’m going down the road that leads to out of town, and right before I hit the city limits sign, I passed a patrol car that was parked off the side of the road in some tall grass, and you wanna know what I saw?” Topper got up, now pacing back and forth, “Your girl’s face pressed up against the glass.” Rafe closed his eyes, his hands coming up to hold his head. “So if you wanna talk about sexual misconduct, we could go there, ‘cause unlike me, you were on the clock, motherfucker.”

Rafe let out a string of curses, his face turning red as he stared at nothing, the reality of yours and his situation hitting him like a truck. He could be fired and replaced in the next forty-eight hours for something like this, especially since everything is on record.

The room was silent for what felt like forever, the tension thick enough that both Topper and Rafe could feel it against their skin. Just when Rafe managed to get you back, something comes up where he feels like he has to choose between you and his job.. again. If he lets Topper go, he knows that his termination has legitimate reason behind it, considering he’s been digging his own grave for years now, but the threat of being reported to his higher up worried him.

Rafe sat in thought, his mind turning gears as he tried to think of something to ‘resolve’ all of this. No matter what he did, he was damned anyways. “Don’t think just cause you have that one incident over me that I’m gonna play by your rules, cause you still have consequences of your own that you gotta face, and you’re gonna do exactly that.” Rafe finally spoke up.

“Starting now you’re on administrative leave until further notice. I need your badge with your gun and your holster.” Pursing his lips, Topper cursed, his jaw clenching as he ran his hands down his face. “You can’t be serious,” He leaned down, meeting Rafe at eye level, “I’ll keep my mouth shut, alright? I need my job, Rafe.”

“You’ll still be getting your regular check, ‘Top, you just can’t be on duty until I get you authorized to come back.” Rafe replied, standing up from his chair before opening the door to his office. “I’ll give you a call as soon I find out more details.” Topper watched as Rafe stared at him coldly, one hand on the door and the other resting on the buckle of his belt. “You’re gonna regret this.” Topper bumped his shoulder into Rafe’s on his way out, the entire office watching in silence as Topper left the station. Without a word, Rafe slammed the door shut and released a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

He was so fucked.

Rafe had to talk you out of ditching the town hall meeting an approximate four times before you two were getting off his truck together, a few people already throwing daggers at you as Rafe took your hand in his own. “Just ignore everyone,” He whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to the cown of your head, “we’ll be out of here as soon as it’s over.” Rafe reassured you.

If the hostility from everyone around you wasn’t enough, you felt your cheeks heat upon seeing the disappointed gazes from other sheriffs at Rafe’s department as you two approached.

“Go ahead and take a seat here in the front row, I have to go backstage to meet with the director so we can go over a few things.” You nodded, watching Rafe from your chair as he made his way out of your sight.

Looking around, the small cafeteria slowly started to fill up with each passing minute. You recognized nearly everybody that walked in, including Topper and his wife. You rolled your eyes when he sent a wink your way, a wave of disgust and annoyance washing over you before you turned around in your seat. Thankfully, the meeting started almost immediately, the mayor himself greeting everyone at the podium on stage.

“Good evening citizens and residents of our lovely town, I’ll go ahead and give everyone the chance to take their seats before we start.” He smiled, eyes dancing around the room. “We actually don’t have a lot to go over for this meeting, but I’m appreciative of everyone who made it a priority to be here tonight, nonetheless.” The mayor flipped a page from a packet he was reading from, the cafeteria finally growing silent as he went over all the topics of discussion for today.

“This evening we’ll be revealing some new projects, going over some concerns our parents had involving clubs at our schools, and lastly— presenting tonight, our very own town-elected Sheriff, Rafe Cameron, will be going over a special presentation on behalf of the department’s director.”

You stayed quiet the entire time, your eyelids fluttering in and out of sleep as the meeting dragged on. It wasn’t until you heard the roar and cheers of the crowd clapping as Rafe made his way out from behind the curtain that you sat up straight, your own hands coming together as you joined in on cheering for him. You watched with a small smile on your face as he took the spot behind the podium. You could tell Rafe was fighting the urge to beam in the spotlight, his lips pursed together as he gave everyone a curt nod.

“Thank you for being here tonight, it really is much appreciated, especially now as the department comes to deliver some news regarding patrolling areas and such..” You listened and watched the way he talked and answered questions, took in how he interacted with the crowd and for the first time, you felt like you could slightly understand why he took his job so seriously.

Once he was done with the presentation and started taking questions for concerns other than the ones he was already talking about, a plethora of people rose their hands in response. From noise complaints to people squatting in old barns, you heard just about everything under the sun until Topper’s voice cut in.

“Sorry for interrupting here, and quite frankly, sorry in advance for the lewdness of my question; but how should we go about reporting inappropriate behavior involving sheriffs and citizens while on the clock?”

The entire room grew cold as soon as Topper finished his question, both you and Rafe locking eyes for a split second before he cleared his throat. Your stomach flipped as gasps and hushed whispers began to spread across the crowd. “I’m sorry, I don’t think that’s appropriate at this time—” Rafe started, his voice growing a bit louder as the volume in the room began climbing, “But it’s a serious point of discussion, is it not?” Topper remarked, “What are we fellow sheriffs supposed to do when we have concerns of bigotry going on in our department?” You watched as the gears turned in Rafe’s head, his cheeks flushing ever so slightly as him and Topper stared dead in each other’s eyes.

“Fill out a report and turn it in to me.” Rafe said flatly, his hand gripping the side of the podium. At this, Topper hummed, his gaze moving to where you were sitting in the front row. “As sheriffs, we take oaths, Rafe. We serve justice where it need be, ‘doesn’t matter how petty a crime is; a crime is a crime. What we don’t do is cherry pick cases and let people go just because you’ve been intimate with them one or two times, but hey, who’s counting?” He laughed. The crowd then shot their heads in Rafe’s direction, a series of shouts and yells echoing in the cafeteria.

“Is this true?!” Someone cried, “Do we have sheriffs doing such things in our jurisdiction?”

Just as Rafe attempted to calm the crowd down, Topper spoke once again. “We do! There— sitting in the front row is one of the girls that can attest to this.” Your eyes widened when a multitude of people turned their burning gaze to where you sat, your heart dropping to your stomach once you saw the realization grace their faces.

Your chest rose and fell as it got harder to breathe, your eyes watering as people shouted at you all at once. Rafe was quick to jump down from the stage and wave his hands in the air in order to catch everyone’s attention.

It wasn’t until the director shouted over the microphone that the room fell silent again, your hands trembling as you moved your hair out of your face.

“Do you hear yourselves?!” Rafe yelled, “Yelling at this young woman over allegations that aren’t true! If she got out of staying in a cell it’s because the crimes against her didn’t warrant her to have to do so. What someone decides to do in their private life isn’t any of your business. My private life doesn’t concern you.” Topper scoffed, his wife trying her best to tug him back down into his seat.

“You were still patrolling when you engaged in sexual acts with the girl! You’re old enough to be her father, you should be ashamed of yourself!” To say you were mortified would be an understatement, you wished God would just strike you down right now and end all of this.

Rafe let out a breath, flickering his attention between Topper and the board who lined up the stage. “Don’t stand there and act all high and mighty, Thornton, you preyed on this girl. You singled her out of a group of people before you first dragged her into the station. She had cuts and bruises on her arms and legs because of you. Don’t forget the lewd comments you made about her to her face, or at the bar where she gave you the hit you were asking for. I’ll admit, I’ve been reckless and did things on the job I wasn’t supposed to, but I’ve never cherry picked cases the way you’re claiming. I serve justice, and I’ve been doing it for the last two decades now, so don’t you ever question my authority or integrity again.” Topper’s wife sat there too stunned to do anything, her hands falling from his arm.

“So the claim is true then? You’ve had an inappropriate relationship with someone while you were on the job?” The director questioned. Rafe looked down at you, his stomach twisting in knots when you glanced up and he saw your face. You didn’t deserve any of this.

“My personal relationships have nothing to do with my job, any and all questions you have pertaining to this situation will only be answered in private—” Before Rafe could get his words across, the director cut him off. “Denounce your relationship with this woman or resign.” You glared at the man standing at the podium, your head growing heavy as more and more time passed without Rafe saying a word.

“This isn’t ethical, nor professional—” Rafe was interrupted once again.

“You see, with the claim that you’ve let this woman walk free after breaking the law because of your relations to her, you’re inclined to let me and the people who have time and time again elected you as their town’s appointed sheriff know that you have not broken your oath and have indeed served fair justice. If it was anyone else without a record, we wouldn’t be here doing this right now, so once again; denounce having relations with this woman or resign.” Rafe held his breath. He could feel you looking at him, silently shaking him to say something. There was no way out of this for him, ‘no way for him to have the only two things he’s ever wanted in his life.

His career, or you. Those were his only options.

“I can’t resign.”

You felt like you could die right now. “You can’t, or you won’t?” You spoke up, standing from your seat. Rafe looked out unto the crowd, his eyes scanning over everyone’s faces before he met your defeated stare.

“I won’t.” He whispered, attempting to reach for you before you backed away and ran out of the room, your heart breaking in two as you sobbed on your way out. If it wasn’t enough for Topper to pretty much expose you in front of the whole town, Rafe essentially said everything that happened between you two was fake.. in front of the whole town. You were embarrassed, hurt, angry, disgusted, all at once you just wanted to disappear.

You ran home and didn’t stop crying until you fell asleep in your bed, your tear stained cheeks pressing against the wet puddle in your pillow.

You stayed like this for days. Wake up, shower, bed rot, cry for hours, repeat. Your job at the bar was long gone and you didn’t dare show your face anywhere after everything that happened, surely people would be gossiping about this last town hall meeting for the next century to come.

Your phone never rang, not that you expected it to anyways. You stared out your window and thought about Rafe. You thought about the way his hands felt against your skin, thought about his eyes when you gazed into them after he put you through his mattress, you thought about his smile, his smell, everything about him.

It was all too painful for you to handle, the sheer betrayal of it all. Your days were measured by the amount of time you and Rafe didn’t have contact with one another. You went on like this until you felt like you were on the brink of cabin fever. Deciding to go downstairs, you froze in the hallway when you didn’t hear the familiar chatter coming from the TV in the living room.

When did that TV even turn off?

Walking over to your father’s room, you knocked lightly, a small ‘Dad? It’s me.’ leaving your lips. No answer. Eyebrows knitting in confusion, you made your way to the kitchen and looked out the window. His truck wasn’t out front either. Finally, you looked at the table and there, in scribbled handwriting, was a letter with your name on it.

By the time you’re reading this I’ll be well on my way up North to reside with my brothers— your uncles, for good. They all share a ranch and there’s a lot of work that needs to be done, unlike this hell hole we call home. Anyways, Dave came by and gave me a full rundown of what happened at the town hall meeting and it about ripped me to shreds if you want to believe that or not. I don’t know what to say when it comes to topics such as those discussed at the meeting, but I will start by apologizing to you. Life hasn’t been fair to you and I’ve been the main contributor to that. I should’ve raised you better. I should’ve supported you emotionally when your mother left but I let you fall, and for that I’m sorry. I figured the best thing I could do for you now is equip you with the tools and encourage you to leave, too. I printed out all of the documents you’ll need to sell the house, along with some other papers you may need to auction off the farm equipment for some extra cash in the safe that’s in the back of my closet. My shotgun and some of your mother’s old jewelry is in there too. Keep it. It’s yours. No matter how much I wish I could’ve been the father you needed, I know the damage has already been done. I need you to know that I do love you, and despite things not working out with me and your mom, you were made out of love. You were wanted and I’m deeply sorry if you ever felt otherwise. I’m not sure what you’ll end up doing or where the wind will take you, but come visit your old man sometime when you feel like it, the address where i’ll be at is stuck on the fridge. P.S. — I went down to the sheriff’s office before I left and gave that sorry excuse of a man what he deserved.

You sobbed, sliding down the doorway until your butt met the old, rickety floor. Everything you ever wanted to hear from your father was written in this letter, and while you were grateful for that, he was still an asshole for not being able to face you and tell you.

You wept, thinking of the times where your mother and father were together. You’d do anything to go back there and start over, stop your mom from skipping town and leaving both you and your father. In the end it was no use, though. You had no clue where she was now. Not back then, not ever. She made sure you’d never find her.

Once the tears cleared away, and your anger subsided, you felt a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time.

Your father had just given you an out, one where you’re set with money and can go down any path you wanted. No limitations, just complete free will. Wiping your face with your shirt, you got up and ran to his safe to get the papers needed to sell the house. You weren’t going to waste anymore time living in this town.

You got ready, grabbed what you needed from your father’s safe and went into town with one job and one job only; sell everything.

By the time you got home from handling what you needed to, you were drained, but when you opened your purse and saw the $500,000.00 check with your name on it, you smiled.

That was only the first check to come though, you still had four more waiting for you once you requested them through a bank from wherever you decided to go— all that money, and it was still excluding the actual house and profits from the estate sale that was supposed to happen three days from now.

It turns out the land your father built his house on was in high demand from the city themselves. Apparently it’s a perfect spot for a truck stop and motel, or so that’s what the bank told you.

You went to sleep feeling bittersweet, whereas Rafe on the other hand, hadn’t been getting much sleep at all. Your face haunted him, your expression before you left forever ingrained in his brain. Work hadn’t been the same since the town hall meeting, the whole office now being on edge.

He was miserable to say the least, but he knew he had no right to feel that way; especially since it was him who hurt you. His pillows still smelt like your shampoo and perfume, but it was fading as more time went on. Rafe spent his days doing everything he did before you came into his life; work, eat, drink, watch the sports channel, and the cycle continued.

There was no laughter, no kisses when he woke up in the morning or before bed, no nothing. He flipped through polaroids of you two. Back then, he hated taking pictures despite you cussing him out and telling him you were gonna take them anyways, and now he couldn’t be more grateful that you did.

On his off day, he stayed in bed, the sun setting as the orange rays filtered through his window, the light illuminating only your side of his bed. He stroked the sheets where you once laid, the image of you smiling sweetly at him with messy hair flashing behind his closed irises. You’ll always be the prettiest thing he ever laid eyes on.

The days came and went, the newspapers outside in his driveway piling up as he didn’t care enough to bring them in— until one evening when one of the covers caught his eye.

ESTATE SALE : FIRST COME FIRST SERVE! Come by the Y/L/N farm to collect items at an unbeatable price. EVERYTHING MUST GO! The home is officially off the market and is set to be demolished where a motel and truck stop will soon reside, DON’T MISS OUT!

Cursing under his breath, Rafe sat in his truck reading the cover over and overs again. You sold the house. You’ll be leaving or gone if he hasn’t missed you already. Looking at the publication date, Rafe punched the steering wheel when he saw it was passed out a few days ago.

He had just got out of work, the sky already black with the night when he sped down to your house. He panicked upon seeing the house sitting eerily quiet by itself, not a single light on inside or outside on the porch. Your father’s truck was gone too, surely the house was empty by now.

Trudging up the wooden steps, Rafe sighed as he opened the screen door, the door knob turning loosely as it wasn’t locked. Stepping inside, he shook his head as he looked around with his flashlight, the place empty with no furniture in sight.

Rafe should’ve known you’d leave, after all, why would you stay when he wasn’t an incentive anymore? What he didn’t know, though, was that you were standing in your bedroom, your father’s shotgun pointed towards the door as the heavy footsteps of a man inched closer and closer to your room.

You were woken out of sleep when you heard the sound of the floor creaking upstairs. Obviously thinking it might be an intruder, you shot out of bed and loaded the gun, your hands shaking as you held up the heavy metal.

Spotting the gleam of a flashlight underneath the crack of your door, you winced, a scream leaving your lips once it opened, your finger pulling the trigger before you could even see the face of whoever it was that stepped foot in your bedroom. “Jesus!” Rafe shouted, his eyes wide as he dropped to the floor, just barely missing the round you fired.

“What the fuck!” You cried, squinting your eyes to see Rafe getting up. “What are you doing here?!” You were still pointing the gun at him when he held his hands up defensively. “It’s just me, sweetheart, please, put the gun down—” You shouted over him, “I’m not your ‘sweetheart’! I could blow your head off of your fucking shoulders right now!” Rafe nodded, swallowing thickly as he kept his hands in sight.

“I’m sorry—! Fuck, I’m sorry.” Rafe apologized, stepping away from you so you could lower the gun. Seeing him triggered you in ways you didn’t even know existed. You wanted to kill him, kiss him, hold him, push him away, you couldn’t decide.

“Why are you here?” You rasped out, your voice sounding weak as you dropped the gun with a thunk! “I saw the article in the paper,” Rafe breathed out, “looks’ like it was a success.” Eyes moving past you, Rafe took note of the open suitcase by your window, your boots standing tall next to your case with the rest of your clothes. “Where are you going?” He asked, the question itself making you clench your jaw. “None of your business.” You bit out, taking a seat at the edge of your bed.

“But how? Your dad isn’t even here—” You snapped upon hearing his concern, “I’m gonna hitch a ride, why the fuck do you care?! You didn’t defend me! You didn’t fight for me! You didn’t even leave me with any dignity! I hate you.” Your voice broke, the sound tearing Rafe apart.

It was obvious that he hurt you beyond repair, your eyes void of any feelings you once had for him. “I can’t build a life here, Rafe. I have no friends— they all bailed on me once it came out I was fucking a cop. I have no family, my dad left, my job at the bar is done for, there’s nothing for me here.”

“That’s not true—”

“It’s very true.” You glared at him. “I’m leaving this place first thing in the morning, and I’m not looking back. There’s nothing that you could say or do to change my mind, either. You’ll always choose your job over me, I should’ve realized that before forgiving you last time. Just go already.” You looked up, noticing the bruise that graced his jaw.

“My’ dad do that?” You pointed at his cheek. Rafe rubbed the greenish blue mark and nodded. “Yeah, he stormed into my office and gave me the punch of my life. I see where you get your mean right hook from.” You refrained from laughing, your fists balling up in your lap. “Good. If he didn’t do it, I was going to.” Rafe believed you wholeheartedly, the corner of his lips lifting in amusement.

“It’s getting late, and I have somewhere to be in the morning.” You cleared your throat. “You need to leave.” Rafe swallowed the lump in his throat, his chest growing tighter by the second. “Y/n—” You stopped him, “Don’t say my name.” Rafe stood there, fighting with himself. He knew this was it.

Both of you sat in silence until he left without a word, your shoulders falling in defeat. Despite feeling a hundred times worse than before, you didn’t have it in you to cry anymore. For the rest of the night, you finished packing and only took things that would fit in your suitcase.

Reaching into your father’s safe, you grabbed your mother’s jewelry and the only pictures you had of her. Inspecting the rings and bracelets and necklaces, you slipped on every single piece and admired her photos— one sticking out to you in particular.

There, sitting in the middle of your father’s strawberry patch, your mom carried her protruding belly, her dress flowing with the wind as her hair blew wildly in her face. She was smiling from ear to ear, her eyes beaming with joy as she looked down at her pregnant stomach. She was happy. Flipping the photo over, the words ‘My two beautiful girls!’ were written messily in sharpie. Your father had written that down.

You placed that one in your suitcase and kept looking through the small stack.

Another photo, this time it was you and your father. You were one, and so so so tiny. Your father carried you tightly against his chest, his birthday cake with the numbers ‘22’ sitting in front of you two as your mother stood off to the side, the look of pure adoration etched onto her pretty features. Your parents were so young when they had you, you couldn’t imagine being their age and having a baby now.

It was morning by the time you had decided to just keep all the pictures, your suitcase weighing heavy in your hand as you began your walk down the dirt road towards outer city limits where the main highway was.

You were scared, unsure and clueless about where you’ll go and what you’ll do, but you knew leaving the only place you’ve ever known was necessary.

Placing your suitcase by your feet, you stuck your thumb out and stood at the side of the highway despite there being not too many people driving around this time. Surely there was enough for at least one person willing to take you somewhere. It all but took five minutes before a beat up truck pulled off to the side, a man with long hair and a goatee getting out of the vehicle.

“Where are you headed off to?” He grabbed your suitcase, tossing it in the backseat. “Anywhere, I don’t care. You?” You shaded your face from the sun to get a good look at the man towering over you.

“North Carolina. My uncle died, ‘passed down his pawn shop to me. It’s on an island, you coming with?” Tapping your boot on the pavement, you nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.” The man smiled, revealing a singular golden tooth before opening the passenger door for you.

Hoisting yourself up into his truck, you looked across the highway to where the gas station sat, your eyes falling on Rafe as he leaned against his car with his arms crossed over his chest. He waved at you, tipping his cowboy hat before getting back into his patrol car.

Waving back, you averted your attention to the man who slid into the driver’s seat. “You sure you wanna do this? I’m not kidnapping you or anythin’?” You laughed, shaking your head. “No, I promise you’re not kidnapping me.”

“Alright, if you say so.”

The radio played in the background as he drove down the highway, your eyes finding the messy ponytail on the back of his head. “Hey, I didn’t get your name.” You relaxed, resting your head on the seat.

“Barry.”

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