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Peter Solarz
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Love Begins
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@jaeinxmi-blog
are you happy with your life?
"i think so," again, he's smiling. he always seems to be, and if he's not then he's probably in tears. "things have been looking up lately! i have a job, a place to stay while i get back on my feet, and i've made some good friends. things were rough for a while, but i think i'll be alright."
what is your genuine opinion on each of your parents?
"i love them, obviously," there's not a hint of sarcasm or malice in his voice, his eyes wide and shiny in such genuine praise that no room is left for doubt. "my mother... well, she did her best. i know that things happened, and that she really took it hard. my dad did a great job of taking care of us both." the boy pauses and looks down for a moment, as if trying to collect his thoughts. "i guess i have more of a traditional relationship with my father because of it, but i don't begrudge either of them for how things worked out. i know they love me, even if mom struggled to show it after.. whatever happened."
again, he takes another quiet moment, as if deciding if he really wants to say something.
"i miss them. i sort of wish they hadn't moved away. i get it, i do, but... canada is so far."
what’s our policy?
mixspencer:
“what’s a six letter word for code of conduct?” he mumbles to himself in english, poised over the pos desk in the back of the restaurant, elbows resting on its surface, phone in hand, out in the open as black and white squares stare back at his thoughtful scowl. he has all the air of a casual visitor and none of the urgency of an employee, in spite of the apron tied snug around his waist and the name tag on his chest and the electronic clock ticking away more won into his account via direct deposit.
“huh?” jaein almost sounds like he’s on the verge of tears to ears otherwise distracted from work duties by a single crossword clue. spencer tears his eyes away from his screen and glances at jaein, follows his gaze to the freshly seated table of men across the room.
“oh that,” he responds casually, as if the gun on the table is some more harmless health code violation, like an untrained puppy or bare feet at the table (there is a moment, an easily missed split second, somewhere in the passing of his gaze from the table back to his phone that indicates a blip of uncharacteristic apprehension, but it is gone quicker than it was conceived, leaving his normal carefree glint in its wake), “yeah they do that.”
unlike jaein, spencer is not whispering; he’s (mostly) desensitized to the sight of firearms accessorizing light beers and late night chicken wings, and he knows, all too well, that their manager, lurking somewhere in the shadows of a break room, would be quick and eager to remedy any misbehaving clientele.
what’s our policy?
“…policy” first in korean, and then, once more, in english, “…policy…
“shit, you’re right! thanks, mate.” he types it in triumphantly, satisfied by the quiet bing of a correct answer that leaks from his phone’s speaker.
“oh, you mean, like, literally ‘what is our policy’,” he looks up at jaein and smiles a smile that would be reassuring and not mischievous at all if it were on the face of literally anyone else, “The policy’s No Funny Business, unless you want to end up on next week’s specials menu.”
they do that. they just do that. jaein can only go back and forth between staring at spencer and staring at the gun, his mouth agape and shock painting his every feature. they just do that? what sort of business.. actually, scratch that, even jaein is wise enough to know that he's probably better off not questioning the nature of a business that allows open carry in a nation where no one's even really allowed a gun in the first place.
"you're playing a crossword puzzle?" the horror in jaein's voice only has a little bit to do with the fact that they're on the job and spencer absolutely shouldn't be on his phone at all. how can spencer be so casual, so cool with this whole situation? does it just come with time and exposure to the crow's nest's atmosphere, or was he always just lacking a proper sense of self preservation? jaein's one to talk though; even with his apprehension, he says nothing. not even once does he think that he should quit and run away. he needs this job too badly after all.
jaein sighs miserably. "well at least you're winning your crossword." there's a note of irritation in his voice, mild fear making him just the slightest bit snappish. it's not in jaein's typical nature to be mean, but something tells him that's better than being visibly scared right now.
"you're not serious." spencer jokes a lot, but jaein has seen the gun strapped to the wall, and he doesn't doubt jihoon's ability with it for a moment. "this is one of your jokes, right? no one actually eats people here... right?"
there's a desperate note to his tone. he should know better to believe spencer, but there's the nagging doubt. he doesn't know what goes into their ground beef patties, he never until now considered that it may not be entirely beef. jaein looks horrified and vaguely sick at the mere consideration. "spencer, i'm serious. i know it's fun to mess with the new guy but this place is.. weird and i can't tell what's a joke and what's not."
it's almost embarrassing, but it's true.
"can you breathe now?"
“oh, that? i was a little dramatic, wasn’t i..” jaein smiles apologetically. he hopes that no one was too worried about him; he’s been hanging in there just fine. “i can breathe. i could always breathe, it just got difficult sometimes. like when you cry, and your nose gets all stuffed up. it’s alright though, it always passes eventually.”
What question would you most like to know the answer to?
“oh.. i don’t know.” he shrugs as if dismissively, though really he’s just considering the question further. “just one question? that’s all i’ve got?” he can’t waste such an opportunity, if he ever really did get an answer.
a couple questions come to mind. did she ever really love me? will he hate me forever? am i ever going to be anything more than what i am right now? will it all really be okay? jaein doesn’t know which one to pick, or which one he doesn’t dread the truth to just as much as he might anticipate it eagerly.
“i guess.. i’d ask if i’m cursed when it comes to women,” he laughs, though it’s only to soften the blow. even his own mother only looked at him with vacant eyes, though that probably hurt less than the hateful eyes his ex gave him at their last good bye.
This is a honesty ‘hour’ for everyone that actually extends to two weeks! You’ll be able to reblog this meme for fourteen days starting today, but feel free to continue answering memes after that if need be. Go wild with them and have a good time!
Keep in mind that you can ask questions that might be difficult for a character! Or even ask questions that you nor your muse would normally ask. Remember, they have to answer them! It’s just up to you to decide whether it affects them in canon-verse (none of the answers are public knowledge unless you want them to be).
Remember to reblog this if you’re interested in receiving a meme, and to send some to everyone that reblogs it, too! You’re welcome to skip over this if you’d like to; it’s by no means mandatory to reblog and participate. Most importantly, though, have fun!!
19
19. would you rather live without tv or music?
“i could live without tv pretty easily. i don’t really watch much of it right now.” if jaein tried to name his favorite show, he’d be stuck. when was the last time he’s sat down just to enjoy a good binge marathon? he can’t recall; life has thrown too many twists and turns at him lately and rolling with the punches has taken up a lot of leisure time. “i listen to music all the time, though. when i’m doing homework, walking home, on the bus... it’d be a really dull world for me without music! so i’ll have to say i’d rather live without tv.”
16 & 17.
16. what part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
answered !
17. who are you most comfortable around?
“bomin,” it’s the obvious answer; bomin is the person that jaein has cried in front of the most. sure, he’s comfortable with most of the people he hangs out with, but if he had to pick a best friend right now, it would always be him. bomin is the one that jaein goes to in tears, the one he goes to with good news, and the first person he called when he hit rock bottom entirely. “he’s my closest friend right now and he’s always helping me out. i don’t know if i can ever pay him back for everything he’s done for me, but i hope he knows how much i appreciate him.”
15
15. favorite part of your daily routine?
“is it weird if i say going to work?” the boy almost looks sheepish with his answer, as if expecting backlash for such a ridiculous statement. “honestly though, i really enjoy working at the crow’s nest. i’ve made friends with a lot of the staff! and jihoon is a really nice boss too.” he pauses, as if suddenly remembering something. “i mean, i guess it’s dangerous there, but i haven’t seen anything too bad yet. some of the customers intimidate me but no one else seems scared, so it can’t be that bad, right?”
have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
28. have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
“recently? not that i can think of.” jaein squints, trying to remember some embarrassing moment or deep, dark secret. when nothing comes to mind, he can only try to defend himself. “i mean, i live on my friend’s couch.. which is also my boss’s couch.. i don’t think there’s a lot of room for privacy in this situation.. but it’s okay! i don’t really have anything to hide anyways!”
20. describe your dream girl/guy?
20. describe your dream girl/guy?
“i think these questions are kinda dangerous, yknow?” he presses his lips together, trying to find just the right way to put this before he speaks the words out loud. “like... if i made a list of all the qualities i want in a significant other, and if i really stuck to that list, i’d be forcing myself out of a lot of opportunities. like if i hold out for my perfect soulmate that fits every qualification, i don’t think i’d ever find them. i mean, i do have some things that are really important to me in a relationship, but i don’t want to get too specific with them. someone i can be comfortable with is the most important thing, i guess. if we can laugh a lot together that’d be nice too. but really, i want to keep my mind open to anyone.”
43
43. have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
the young man’s face drops, some light in his eyes fading, and his whole demeanor seems to sag in on itself. like was an understatement, he loved her. part of him likely loves her still, even with what she did to him. jaein knows, he knows, that she wasn’t good, she was cruel and controlling, but she was his, and he hers, and he thought that they’d be together until their dying breaths. “my ex.” he says simply. he doesn’t want to go any deeper than that.
33, 39
33. craving something? what?
“uhh..” yes, all the time. ever since he was young, since she stopped living and started simply existing. “my mom’s cooking. she lives in canada now with my dad, for her health. i think she’s getting better.” he’s not sure. their calls are short, tired, and hard to come by when they’re living on opposite ends of the world. jaein hopes she’s better though. his dad hasn’t said anything about her getting any worse, at least.
39. do you regret anything from your past?
guilt colors the boy’s face pale, only the slightest flush across his cheeks. “yes,” he says slowly, sadly. while he would like to say that he’d never regret a person, he regrets how he acted under the influence of a certain person. his ex, gaeul, and her horrible vice-like grip on his life. “i.. hurt a really good friend when he needed me the most. my girlfriend at the time.. she didn’t like him.. so i stopped being friends with him for her. that has to be the worst thing i’ve ever done. i haven’t seen him since, but i’d like to try to make amends with him someday.”
what part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
16. what part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
he’s never thought about it before, not really. jaein isn’t the type to complain; he’s happy with his face, his legs, even his stomach. individually he thinks about each part of his body, his associations with that, before he finally comes to an answer. maybe it’s odd, but he still feels her there in a way that makes his skin crawl. that feeling was once pleasurable, now it’s growing more and more unbearable. when he closes his eyes he can still feel her lips on him, her hands on him, caressing, reminding him that she’s there. she’ll always be there. “my neck.” he says finally, touching it as if to drive the ghosts of the past away. “weird, right? but that’s all i can think of right now.”
7 | "does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?"
7. does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
“not much.” he shrugs simply, the answer falling a little lacklusterly from his lips. he had been much more innocent, much more shy once. but she hadn’t been; she was wild, exciting, and taught him a vocabulary beyond words while they had been together. as much as he knows he shouldn’t, he misses her still. “my ex was a lot bolder than i was when we first met. i think she broke me of my habit of shyness. so i guess i don’t talk about it a lot, but i’m not gonna get blushy and stuttery if someone says ‘boobies’ or something.”
26
26. have you ever been high?TW: recreational drug use
he glances around nervously, as if he’ll get in trouble for so much as thinking about it. jaein has always been a good kid, always followed the rules, but he hasn’t always had the best influences. one very important influence was somewhat worse than the others. she was the one who blew smoke into his lips, who laughed and teased him until he joined her up in the clouds. it hadn’t been pleasant, being so removed from himself. “once. it was just marijuana.” he finally admits in a hushed voice. the laws on drug use are quite strict and a good boy has a fear of being caught. “it wasn’t fun. i don’t think i’d ever do it again.”
what is he so cute for? 🙈
