jaesonv

[jaesonv]

To fall in love with a poet

To fall in love with a poet—

That has been told thousands of times

But for a poet to fall in love

They hardly say about that

Cuz it's not as beautiful as

One may think, in their dreams

It's painful, soul wrenching,

And all we do is write—

About our pain

And you, being the med

We crave, not beautifully

But eagerly, for u to free us from this pain

And misery

The world around doesn't become glamorous

It just gives us hopes to live again

To come out in the sun once again

All because of you

And like all poets

We'd die before experiencing this love from you

While for you it may be a teenage crush

For us it's a phenomenon, that turns our world

Upside down

And we'd never dare to love anyone else

The way we loved you...

To fall in love for a poet

Is miserably gorgeous

As it rests with our souls in silence

While we burn every night in the agony of separation

~

[jaesonv]

Smile :)

You've lost it—

Your smile.

It's been a while since i saw one

Where did you hide it?

Or did you mailed it to somebody

Just like you mailed me your heart

With a note reading:

"It's forever yours to keep"

Where has it gone?

Are you in search of another?

Your eyes shoot lonely glares now

Lips tensed, you curve them a little

To put on a fake smile

So that i don't worry

How can i not?

I look in your eyes and find them looking away

Where?

Are you searching for your smile too?

Would you let me see if you find it soon?

Don't you worry

I'll find it and return it

To it's righteous owner

Your eyes won't drip loneliness then

Once again we can look in each other's eyes

And I'd see happiness

With the smile u so long cherished

I'll take a pic amidst the sunset

You'll smile in it

You'll be happy

Not seeing behind the lens

As the sun sets, so does one's heart

Our eyes will be wet again

One's from pleasure, whilst one's from pain

For then you shall smile again

~

[jaesonv]

Lily of Death

Streetlights capped with the mist

Foggy roads concealing headlights

The city bathing in fresh rain of autumn

Night sky setting sepia landscapes

Skyscrapers scrapped by raindrops

Lights from buildings and houses so yellow

Making patterns in the darkness

With an umbrella black, she stood in the middle of the street

Silent nights, busy mind

Her eyes covered with puddle of water

She stands looking at the dark and divine city

A hole in her heart, she carries it everywhere

Searching for peace. Searching for her.

She found her in an instant, so did she lose her

She came dressed as a friend

A thief, she left as

"She called me Lily..."

"Why?"

"Because it sounds good!....Lily of Death"

she muttered under breath

As she closed her eyes and took a step to her right

Busy night, a silent mind

Like a garden without gardner

Black umbrella flies alone in the breeze of the night

Her petals slowly dyed red

With a note in her hand

And a thought in her heart

She rested her search finally

I was her Lily

She was my death—

~

[jaesonv]

In the lively night

Among the everyday hustle

I walk

Breathless

Lifeless

Losing my track

Losing my pace

With already lost ways

Legs giving up

The heat bothers me again

My body boiling

In cold nights of December

My lungs not letting any of these

Corrupted air in me

Protecting me-

These luminous lights scares me

Hurts my eyes

Like a dagger

Let me love my darkness

Under a starless sky

I look up at the moon

"Should i give in?"

"Take the easy way out?"

How would a heartless man die-

When he never ever lived in the first place

Coming to a halt

Taking a deep breath

I close my eyes

Safe from the daggers

I stand still

As i lost all my energy

Your voice echoes in my ears

I smile

I felt joy again

Heard your melody once again

Just to be pierced

By a high pitched horn

And screeching tires

And it all became silent again

Oh it feels so good now

Let me sleep again

I'm in love again

With this peace—

~

[jaesonv]

Je suis malàde—

I don't dream anymore

I don't even have a history anymore

I'm ugly without you

I'm dirty without you

I'm incomplete now

Like an orphan

In a dormitory

I don't feel like living my life anymore

My life stops when you're leaving

I don't have a life anymore

And even my bed

Turns into a station platform

When you're leaving I'm sick

Completely sick

Like when all close ones left

Leaving me alone

With my despair

I'm sick

You come

Nobody knows when

You leave

Nobody knows where

It's been too long

Since you don't care

Like to a rock

Like to a sin

I'm clinging on to you

I'm tired

I'm exhausted

Of pretending to be happy

When they are here

I drink every night

All the whiskies

For me

Taste the same

All the boats

Carry your flag

I don't know where to go anymore

You're everywhere

Making me sick

I pour my blood into your body

Now I'm like a dying bird

When you're sleeping

I die every night

Longing to fly

But I'm sick

You've deprived me of all my songs

You've drained me of all my words

Yet I believe I had one last breath to take

Before your skin

This love is killing me

And if it goes on

I'll die alone

With myself

Near my piano

Like a stupid kid

Listening to my fingers play the same tune

My heart completely sick

Surrounded by barricades

Did you hear?

I died.

This is the one song i always go back to. It hurts in a way that nothing else can. I'd highly recommend anyone who hasn't heard this, to watch Lara perform it live. To hear the pain in her voice and madness in her eyes, it seeps in my heart, somewhere deep where no one can find it, nor steal it.

[jaesonv]

Yellow is a soul so soothing and true, someone so close to me that their slightest of sighs make me wanna change the world for them. You’re as blissful, as charming as the Morningstar. You’re a sin so delicious that I wanna commit with every breath; with every breath you feel closer.

You’re the lyrics to one of the most beautiful songs, you exist in the gaps of the song, where the singer takes pauses to breathe, and I breathe you.

Not everything can be put in peachy words and expect people to be in awe with it. Some things can only be admired by eyes, and oh the way I see you, I admire you, perhaps you’re the truest of the feelings, truest of the words.

”Think not of this as mere words,

For ‘tis my heart and mind I lay bare for you

For I be your admirer amidst the coldplay

And you,

To be my forever muse—”

You’re my Yellow, you’re my Golden.

[jaesonv]

I have to limit myself to the happiness you cause

I have to be careful, put my feelings on pause

Because with you I know this is real

The laughs, the smiles, the joy I feel

I'm trying my best to keep to myself

Just one glance in your eyes,

And I melt

But babe I'm not scared

My heart in which I know

You would take care

I just don't want to fall again

And watch it break

I can't let this end

You're not my lover

But just a friend

~

[jaesonv]

As long as I remember, I've always been wrong

Everyone always saying I have to be strong

Everything inside myself tells me to give in,

Trying not to look where I've already been

This feeling is so numb that you just can't shake

You really start to wonder how long it'll take

The worst part is when you think you're fine

But you know that it's only a matter of time

No one can tell you the cause of the pain

You're like water flowing down the drain

Somewhere in the world, there is another voice

Who feels that they also don't have a choice

Tending to feel more intensely at night

That's when I take out my pen to write

The wind against my window and rain from the sky

Sometimes I feel so alone, I want to lay here and cry

I don't know why....

Pretending to be brave will have a due date

The rhythm continues at a constant rate

A small glimmer of hope comes my way because of you

Telling me I'm meant for bigger things; that is what I'll do

One day I'll look back at it all and not hurt anymore

I'll remember the pain but not feel so sore

But I won't give into the pressure of this

It's my old life that I'm seeming to miss

I won't fall victim to this crime

I'm strong enough to finish my climb

Many situations I do regret but cannot fix

Times I struck together like newly laid bricks

Despite all of the things I have done wrong

I still find reason to become I'm strong

I'll let you in on something I will NOT do

I won't give up

Because of you...

~

[jaesonv]

How I'd like to

Catch your nightmares

With my bare hands

How I'd love to

Take away your insecurities

And replace them

With the wonderful thoughts

I have about you

How I desire to

Rip out your frustrations

And make u smile endlessly

Maybe then you'll see

How beautiful u really are—

~

[jaesonv]

How do I tell her...

That I love her so much?

That something inside me aches

When she's not herself

And far away from these arms

To wrap around her

Tell her that it's all okay...

That my eyes go numb

When I hear her muffled voice

Cracking in middle to take a breath

Just to shed more tears

How do I tell her...

That it's not her, or anyone's fault?

That it's life...and it's meant to be hard

Harsh lives where we find our happiness

In small unexpected things

How do I tell her...

That I see the good warm place

In her stone-cold attire

And I don't have any expectations

Because I know how they feel like a burden

And no one can live up to them

How do I tell her...

That it's gonna work out

That it's not that bad

And it's all right

Because we got each other—

~

[jaesonv]

ACROSTIC—

I'm sick and tired of these voices

Calling out my name. It's scary

Another night, I stare at the empty

Nowhere in my room

Thinking to end it all

Thinking to take a blade

And let it run around my wrists

Kill these voices that love me so much

End this misery once and for all

I can't. How can I?

Thinking about her, i wish to see

Another shitty day

Neglecting the other stuffs just for her

Yearning to touch her

Maybe she could cure me

Or maybe she'll become another reason

Rigged in my heart, is her

Eternal love that makes the voices fade.

~

[angstyshitgalore]

what is love?

at the age of nineteen, i am yet to love someone who loves me back. and somehow, that feels embarrassing, though i know deep down that most people find partners due to chance, not due to effort. i've seen different kinds of love - but i want the kind of love which makes you feel lighter, not heavier; and it doesn't burn you up to keep loving them. i wish the way i loved didn't burn me up and make me cry tears of pain; it doesn't seem fair that people are in healthy, committed, loving relationships but i'm choking on heavy feelings that may not even be returned.

it feels unfair that no one that i've loved has loved me back. it feels unfair that it costs me energy, it costs me time, it costs me sanity to keep pouring and pouring into someone who doesn't even care about me that way. people say stop, reduce contact, as if i could ever forget. as if i could ever forget the fingerprints you left on my heart. as if i could ever forget the closeness born out of care and pain. as if i could ever forget how you pushed me to do the right thing. and i'm embarrassed. i'm embarrassed i let you see me at such a low point in my life. i'm embarrassed that you somehow put what puzzle pieces i gave you and formed a shrewd idea of what the context was.

what is love? i'm not sure myself, and i'm not even sure if i love you. all i know is i care for you more than i should, and i can't stop caring about you. because the truth is, so many people have taken advantage of me when i was vulnerable. it's easy to say the wrong thing. but even though you were stressed, you pushed me to do the right thing. you didn't make it about you and somehow saw me clearer than some of my closest friends. and that's more terrifying than being misread. how did you know my soft spots even though i never showed you? how did you know when to be gentle, gentler than a lot of people? god, i can't forget you. because in a world than romanticizes the harsh, you were gentle. gentler than you usually are. and that's why i can't just stop having feelings for you. i miss you so much and i don't know what to do.

[jaesonv]

Game over—

All we need to hear is a beautiful lie

An untrue melody that fiddles with the heart

Giving the defeated soul, a hint of hope

To win again

In the unfair game called Life

Where no one's a winner, and no one's a loser

All we are, are mere players

Playing to live,

Cheating on death

Running from something

Running for something

Trying to escape the harsh truth

Disguising ourselves in superficial joy

Hiding from our inner regrets

With a broken heart

And a fucked up mind

We play in hope

Sometimes a lie can heal wounds faster than love

It's a cafe—

We expect love from strangers

Serving our coldness to the close ones

It's like a subway—

We board the train of delusions

Leaving the reality behind

Being hard on ourselves

Trying to be someone we're not

"Oh he just wants attention"

But we change for the sake of others

To see that faint smile

Struggling to find a reason to live

A reason to love

But who am I to judge

Who am I to say

I'm also a player

You can never see both sides of a coin

I'll just flip mine

Accepting the fate

Playing by rules

Win

Lose

Who cares

I'm running the track

Even if it isn't the one I was meant to run

I feel like I'm flying

And I wanna take u with me

Just grab on

Let's fly

Let's win together

Let's lose together

At the end,

It's that smile I breathe for

Let it be the one I'd run for

So tell me...

Will you be with me,

When the Game's over?

~

[jaesonv]

Let's do every little things we can except fall in love, Deal?

Let's stay awake till 4am and blabber about random things, and not fall in love

Let's go for long walks with no destination, and not fall in love

Let's sing our favourite songs together and pretend to have our own concerts, and not fall in love

Let's go to all the restaurants and eat like we haven't eaten in a long time, and not fall in love

Let's hold hands and let our fingers play, and not fall in love

Let's do everything we dream of inspired from all those books and movies, and not fall in love

Because I've heard, that love ruins everything

So let's do every little things we can except fall in love, Deal?

~

[jaesonv]

These butterflies-

They keep flying in me

They live in me now

They come back when she comes

They won't leave

Even if she does-

These butterflies

Are the only closest thing to me rn

But why doesn't she gets it

It's call cuz of her

"Wut do u want then?"

Ppl ask

With actually no interest whatsoever

I just say...

"Let them be free"

Someone take these petty things

These butterflies

Flying in my stomach

And let em reach out

Fly to her

Let her know

They're now no more there—

~

[jaesonv]

The rainbow after a storm

The flowers blooming

The wet grass with a hint of dew

Burst into color that day

When i saw you gazing at the crimson sky

And fell in love

Every dream we painted on

That blank film roll of our mind

Will stay forever etched

In my memories

It was you, my special one

Who opened my eyes

When we hold hands

The stars in the night sky above us

Will show us

There can be light in darkness

So stop hiding your sorrow

Behind that dazzling smile

And let me meet you

Touch you

Let those stars shine brightly on you

The hopes and fears we cling to

Let them be the guiding lights

That leads us into a whole new world

Where we'd be together

Forever—

~

[jaesonv]

In the dark of the bluest night

I stood by your shadow and abode

Winds and walls all heard us

I took your palm , cold with desire

Touched my lips , like a reverie

It wasn't a kiss , it wasn't a touch

It was a promise of forlorn ages.

~