7,568 Miles Apart

Jake. 18. Jerusalem. Poet. // Elyse. 18. OC. Artist.

[jake-elyse-blog]

May 30, 2016. The day we were united again. After a grueling 9 months of being 8000 miles or so apart with no visits, this day was one for the books. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. -e.l.m.

[jake-elyse-blog]

Our Last Goodbye

*Hey guys, I've been writing this for the past 8 and a half months or so, and I finally found the words. It's not the best, but it's from the heart.*** Our Last Goodbye ------------------- I felt the wave of your tears hit my back on a somber blue morning. August 30, the day before the inseparable became separated by miles and oceans, worlds apart. I walked from my room and stepped into yours, slipping into bed and kissing your left cheek like I always do around 7am- you always slept on your right side. \\ This morning was different as if the air fell dense and like gravity, we were bound to each other. I turned around and closed my eyes on the pillow next you yours and thought of the sleepless 9 months to come, the only great depression I ever knew of. Moments later, you turned my way, pulling yourself into my back as you buried your head in my shoulder blades. Precipitating crystal blue, like waterfalls of an unknown world, your vulnerability preached words of I'm sorry, I love you. I'm sorry, I love you. I'm sorry, I love you. I pretended to sleep to let him have his moment of grief. A death- A death of a bond that has never once been broken or maimed, shattered indefinitely like fallen legos on a ledge. An inevitable landslide- aftershocks. And piece by piece you put yourself together as I turned to hold your head in my chest as you cried and cried. I've never seen you like this before, so afraid and broken- I have never seen anything so beautiful. A love everlasting- \\ That night, we watched Chopped until your tired kaleidoscope eyes shut and you fell asleep in my arms. I stroked your beautiful caramel hair, the kind of curls you cant keep your hands out of. I realized this was our last time, our last sleep together for 9 months- how could I Sleep knowing that in six hours you will be gone? \\ But again, my insomnia ruled my mind leaving me yet again awake, yet again sleepless, yet again lonely in its truest form. As we waited until you had to leave, we laughed like we didn't know what was coming, but concealing pain with smiles and fake laughter was something we were both good at. \\ I watched you hug your family, one by one, each a stab to the heart, but I held it together. You wrapped me tightly in your arms and silence struck the hardened halls of United Air. You turned quickly and walked away, never once looking back, and I felt my heart concave, but maybe I'd be okay. \\ On the way to my new home far from the last, I sobbed. I never knew what true pain was until this day of uncontrollable outbursts of tears in public restaurants. The next three weeks were the coldest I've ever been. I felt alone, trapped, betrayed. Sobbing, screaming into my pillow from the pain these migraines were causing me, only to smile at the sound of a facetime ring and my beautiful pixalated blue eyed boy. \\ I didn't eat for months, and maybe because my dark place was starting to take over me once more. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" my mom would ask as if it were a cry for help. But starving myself was better to me than remembering his smile whenever I'd eat our favorite food. "Please eat." he'd tell me, as if I needed a reminder. \\ I couldn't go anywhere without the scent of his cologne slapping me in the face from bystanders on the sidewalk. I'd hear voices, but only his. Everything I'd do was a constant reminder of him- \\ September, October November, he was in a city where bus bombs and stabbings became the new norm, sirens and screams, "Why are you still there" "If anything happened to you, I could not be able to live here anymore, for you are my world, my sun and stars, my universe- a soulmate from the heavens, you inscribed your initials behind my eyelids. JZS. \\ Sobbing from sleep deprivation and fear of the unkown, I did not sleep for weeks. Paris, Beruit, Turkey, Jordan... the bombs were everywhere besides your town. Fear of what was to come next, you'd call me crying and jump at the sound of a car horn. But it's saturday morning, you'd say, nobody drives on saturdays. But when shabbat shalom was said through knives or car grills of Palestinians, you stopped going to your favorite market and the holy sites were forbidden because you were deemed a walking target. You hate the never ending war. \\ December January February, you moved towns, but baby please come home- you are worth so much more than this, your life is priceless. March, you begged to come home but were denied the privilege because if you told them the truth in October, you would have been here. If you told them you didn't want to go in June, you would never have been scared to fall asleep or have found solace in bomb shelters. April, the terrorism started to pick up again, the paranoia of walking to supersol with a kippa hits the streets once more, an identity you can't hide- an identity you wouldn't hide. \\ May, these days go by like snails on a spring morning, but everyday we are getting closer. Everyday marks a day less on the calendar without you. This countdown seemed endless almost 273 days ago, but now at 25 days left without seeing your face, the possibilities are endless. Because with all the threats, violence, and problems we faced together, we never once broke. If ein sof means without end, we are endless. And the love I have for you is infinite. \\ - e.l.m.

[pure-narcissism-deactivated2017]

On our Anniversary

My Dearest Elyse,

It has been one year. 12 months, 52 weeks, 366 days (it was a leap year). I can honestly say that this past year has been the best one of my life. But it has also been 1 year, 5 months, and 8 days, because our story doesn’t start in April.

It starts with a class I didn’t even know I was taking until the last week of junior year, a class that I came three days late for. Before this class I didn’t know I could write, let alone write well. But I stayed in the class, because I liked the teacher and maybe, just maybe, there was a little spark of talent for this whole writing thing.

It also helped that there was a pretty girl who sat on the other side of the room, in the first seat of the row closest to the door. We’d make eye contact while people were reading, and after I read she would avoid my eye. She made the first move, messaging me in late September. Just a simple “hey.” It took me until November 2nd to respond. But onNovember 2nd, I responded and then we hung out together, just as friends. We went to look at books, to look at music, to eat grilled cheeses, and to just talk. It was perfect, like I had found someone who I shared passions with, but was different enough from that it stayed refreshing. And we became friends, this girl and I.

We continued to hang out, until that fateful day in late December when we went on a hike. The grass was as green as it would get that year, and the day was beautiful. So were you, but I didn’t say so because we were just friends. And I wanted to hold your hand, maybe because you were leading me somewhere and maybe because i thought that being just friends wasn’t enough. Some time later we made it back, and i got to hold your hand - kind of. You held one of my fingers and I held on of yours because in holding that one finger, we made a promise. And I will continue to keep that promise.

Winter in California is not such a big deal, and many times it is over before it begins. So as spring came and flowers blossomed, so too did we - growing and blooming into something new, something unforeseen. And I will always remember nights spent staring at the moon, and staring at you, if not for the conversation then for how it made me feel. And I continued to write. It doesn’t surprise me that my writing got softer between November and April, your presence in my life transformed me.

And so we come to April. It’s not that I don’t remember what happened in between December and April, it’s that I want to make sure that I am true to the story - our story.  It was April, and it was almost showtime. I love being on stage, I love performing. The show needed to go on and even if that meant you and I (with a few others) needed to work all night, we did. So we worked, and being together made the work go by so much faster. Without you, the show could not have happened. A year ago today, it did happen. And afterwards, I called you my girlfriend, and we got hash browns from IHOP.

There is a entire year left until I can catch up with myself. A year of laughter and tears, of highs and lows. It hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been perfect. It’s been hard, for both of us.

We have grown together. We have spent more of the past year apart than we were together. This has made us stronger. We’re still together. We still think of each other. Despite the distance, we still love each other. And that is what matters.

Happy anniversary my love, my treasure and know that I will be back soon, because I have a lighthouse guiding me home.

Ein Sof,

Jake

[jake-elyse-blog]

On our Anniversary

My Dearest Elyse,

It has been one year. 12 months, 52 weeks, 366 days (it was a leap year). I can honestly say that this past year has been the best one of my life. But it has also been 1 year, 5 months, and 8 days, because our story doesn't start in April.

It starts with a class I didn't even know I was taking until the last week of junior year, a class that I came three days late for. Before this class I didn't know I could write, let alone write well. But I stayed in the class, because I liked the teacher and maybe, just maybe, there was a little spark of talent for this whole writing thing.

It also helped that there was a pretty girl who sat on the other side of the room, in the first seat of the row closest to the door. We'd make eye contact while people were reading, and after I read she would avoid my eye. She made the first move, messaging me in late September. Just a simple "hey." It took me until November 2nd to respond. But onNovember 2nd, I responded and then we hung out together, just as friends. We went to look at books, to look at music, to eat grilled cheeses, and to just talk. It was perfect, like I had found someone who I shared passions with, but was different enough from that it stayed refreshing. And we became friends, this girl and I.

We continued to hang out, until that fateful day in late December when we went on a hike. The grass was as green as it would get that year, and the day was beautiful. So were you, but I didn't say so because we were just friends. And I wanted to hold your hand, maybe because you were leading me somewhere and maybe because i thought that being just friends wasn't enough. Some time later we made it back, and i got to hold your hand - kind of. You held one of my fingers and I held on of yours because in holding that one finger, we made a promise. And I will continue to keep that promise.

Winter in California is not such a big deal, and many times it is over before it begins. So as spring came and flowers blossomed, so too did we - growing and blooming into something new, something unforeseen. And I will always remember nights spent staring at the moon, and staring at you, if not for the conversation then for how it made me feel. And I continued to write. It doesn't surprise me that my writing got softer between November and April, your presence in my life transformed me.

And so we come to April. It's not that I don't remember what happened in between December and April, it's that I want to make sure that I am true to the story - our story.  It was April, and it was almost showtime. I love being on stage, I love performing. The show needed to go on and even if that meant you and I (with a few others) needed to work all night, we did. So we worked, and being together made the work go by so much faster. Without you, the show could not have happened. A year ago today, it did happen. And afterwards, I called you my girlfriend, and we got hash browns from IHOP.

There is a entire year left until I can catch up with myself. A year of laughter and tears, of highs and lows. It hasn't been easy. It hasn't been perfect. It's been hard, for both of us.

We have grown together. We have spent more of the past year apart than we were together. This has made us stronger. We're still together. We still think of each other. Despite the distance, we still love each other. And that is what matters.

Happy anniversary my love, my treasure and know that I will be back soon, because I have a lighthouse guiding me home.

Ein Sof,

Jake

[lead--existence-blog]

This boy spoils me even though he is all the way in Israel. I love him more and more each day and I can’t wait until he comes back home. Just 3 more months to go.

[jake-elyse-blog]

An LA Love Story

You and I. We shine brighter than the stars you see in magazines, with purse puppies and reality TV shows We shine like the stars that I can never find behind the light polluted haze. I would kiss you like each Pacific wave that gently smooches the sweet Cali coast. When I'm with you tremors fill my soul, like Northridge in '94. I can't explain what it is that I love the most. Is it your Art Deco eyes or hair that gleams like the sun off of the Griffith Observatory dome? Maybe it's your smile, the one that draws me in, and I'm lost in it like I wandered into a neighborhood that I don't know. You're the hope on my horizon, because right now I'm stuck on the 405 in the Sepulveda Pass trying to get home. I'm waiting for that moment between Skirball and Ventura when the Valley lights up and it's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen next to you. Our relationship is shaped as much by the freeways as we're shaped by each other. I can't drive anywhere anymore because I miss you next to me. Meeting you was like the day after rain when the smog is cleared away and I could finally see clearly. I love you more than a Dodgers fan hates the Giants, more than a health nut loves SoulCycle, more than the hipster crowd frequents the Melrose bar scene. My city is gritty and dirty and glamorous and fabulous. And I love every inch of it, from the cracks in the pavement to millionaire mansions. I want to caress you like I'm driving down PCH, barely touching the wheel but never letting it go. You and I are both too far from this city that has made us what we are. We're products of Tinseltown, babies fed on dreams and wishes instead of milk. You're my fairy tale, my silver screen heroine. I can't wait to show our kids the way things have changed, the ways we've changed, what we've done because I know it all leads back to you. We may be young my dear, but in the City of Angels, I found someone to help me soar on broken wings. And I'm flying home to you. So will you meet me on the roof of the Capital Records building so I can carry you away?

[jake-elyse-blog]

i almost failed biology

human beings are interesting. we come into this world half baked. unlike horses, who can stand up and run moments after birth, humans come into this world demanding care and attention and love. and thats what sets us apart. We need one another. every human is looking for someone to provide that kind of care and attention and love. without that, life is worthless. i guess there are herds and flocks and packs. groups of similar individuals combined for the same purpose - be it grazing or hunting or safety. and its beautiful. bc if animals can look out for each other, shouldn't humans do the same. but those aren't families. family is something else. family is something that is half baked as well. because families demand care and attention and love from all of its members. without that, i cant call it family. you're my family. you're what gets me through tough times. you support me, hold me up even when my legs are failing. and i do the same for you. we need each other, not because we're codependent, but because thats how we get through life. otters hold each others' paws while they sleep so that they dont float away from each other. and i'm clinging on to you because i never want to float away. i love us, as a unit. - j.z.s.

[lovemakesyouwonder]

[deceptivelips]

(18+)

[jake-elyse-blog]

your favorite broken record...

it’s hard being so far away. 

always catching you as my light melds with your darkness,

or vice versa.

it’s been too long…

3 months since i held your hands in mine.

3 months since our lips last touched and i promised that i would be back.

and i’m coming back, slowly crawling through the pits for a glimpse of the other side.

i know i say sorry too much.

i say it over and over again and each time it’s worth a little less.

you’re perfect at this - i’m not. 

i’m trying, i swear. 

please don’t give up on me.

you’re constantly in my mind.

those tendrils, drifting across the expanse, are reminders of what i have in you.

and i collect each one, keeping them all in that hollow space between my lungs.  

i do need you.

like when i cried over a whiff of your perfume and tears stained the letter that arrived for me.

i love you.

with each day that passes, i know that i love you more and that we’ll be okay.

yes, we’re changing.

yes, this is undeniably hard.

but i know us. i know who we are and what we’ve come from.

we can make it.

i have faith.

because in 6 months we will transcend the screen, moving past that which separates us.

and i cannot fucking wait.

- j.z.s.

[jake-elyse-blog]

Long Distance is really hard. There are days you’ll sit in bed and breakdown because the thought of not seeing him for 9 months haunts you, and there are days you’ll remember of how happy you used to be. You will have days where everything is perfect besides the lingering feeling that something is missing and days where all you want to do is spend every cent of your savings for a plane ticket to just say hello. There will be days when you cry with each other and days where you laugh. There will be days when he cries and you just sit there, tortured by the sight when you realise just how helpless you are. There will be days when you give up on everything, besides him because he will always be there, and you know deep inside that he’s never going to leave. Because the day will come when he returns. There will be a day when you move in together. There will be a day when he asks you to marry him, and there will be a day when you are finally one. There will be a forever. There will be a future. There will be an always. - e.l.m.

[thatlongdistanceshit]

[thebeckdelacruz]

Your simple “I miss you” message means everything to me.

(via thebeckdelacruz)

[jake-elyse-blog]

My Darling Windsong

It’s late, yet here I am, sleepless and unamused by fairytales and odes to sleep as music boxes sing their sweet songs- a lyric-less lullaby to sooth my weary emerald eyes. And it’s late and the stars perfectly shimmer in the moonlight that shines through my window, to hit my eye line. I toss and turn, avoiding light in the shadows of grey pillowy sheets, but the moon reminds me of your gravitational pull, so I give in. I reflect on the past that has now turned into my future. We’re a paused film, at the beginning of a climax. I say that because our story is still there, although it may not be written in indefinite stone, I chisel away at the thoughts I may have at an hour like this. Contemplation, my worst enemy, the “should I stay, or should I go” loops in my mind and then I see it- a baby crystal blue. Iridescent cool tone hues to calm my senses. And I’m stagnant like the waves that cease on the lakeshore of a bleak winter’s morning. Eyes so calming to tell me to stay, to believe in myself for once because this time, luck was strong enough to drag me from the storm. I’m lucky to have found you so young. My darling wind song, I hear you in the pacific coast breeze on park benches that dot the golden shores. I feel your touch in the air that flies through my hair, and the mist that arises from the high tides of Laguna. But you’re not forgotten. Although 7,568 miles away, you reside here, circulating through my everyday thoughts, lurking in daydreams and in pieces of art in galleries of pretentious beach residents. I see your soul and how beautiful it is, painting colors unknown to the human eye, but seen in the mind as an imaginative shade of purity. You’re not perfect, but like a diamond, you’re a piece of charcoal, unheated and unpressed. Your inner self can’t shine through because you must please those who only see you from the outside. But you’re a treasure unmarked by the big red X. I dug you out from the depths and made you see the light for the first time. And we crawled out of the abyss together- old souls ready to conquer the world unknown, turning a blind eye on false accusations of self doubt, because my darling wind song, we’ve made it- the world is ours once again.

-e.l.m.

[prometyda]

[jake-elyse-blog]

a lonely tree on the shores of eternity

i'm not good at goodbye.

besides big goodbyes like airport hugs and midnight kisses,

i suck at saying "be right back" or "i'm busy now."

i think it's because i never want  to feel set aside.

and in doing that i just set you aside.

you're there, but i'll ignore you.

i hope you know that its not malicious.

i dont mean to hurt and wound with each silence, to attack with each pause in conversation.

i really do love you.

i love every word that comes out of your mouth or appears on my screen.

every thought and idea - every sentence and phrase - syllable and letter.

i cherish them all like tiny seashells found on the beach.

if i press them close, i just faintly hear you whispering from 7000 miles away.

i'm still not used to you not being here.

before, i could sit in silence with you forever.

matching each other's breathing - feeling your skin beneath my fingertips.

there was nothing that needed to be said because we could feel it.

and now i'm too far away for that to be the case.

everything needs to be expressed.

feelings become words and that touch must be transferred through the phone.

we can't speak telepathically anymore.

theres no formula for success when it comes to distance.

it's survival of the fittest.

and elyse, you and i are the fittest pair that i have ever seen.

we're young but old,

seriously fun,

similarly different.

we need each other like the way humans need trees.

i breath in, you breath out - and vice versa.

more than anything - i need you.

I wouldn't stay sane or safe without you.

you're my lighthouse - a guiding beacon showing me the way home.

you're my strength - knowing i have to get out of bed even though i dont want to.

when i see eternity - a bundle of time and space looping around itself and crisscrossed in myriad ways like the 405/101 interchange - all i want is you in the passenger seat, shouting directions over a stereo turned too loud and loving me even when i take a wrong turn and lead us astray.

i won't lose you.

just as i would never change my skew ears so my glasses sit straight, i would never give up on us.

so much of my identity is wrapped up in who i am with you.

to strip that layer would be like eating my ice cream that ended up on the floor - i could do it, but why would i want to?

i'm better with you - happier too.

and i hope you know that i couldn't have a more perfect life.

i love you - forever.

- j.z.s.

[ermelina]

[sugacrush101-blog]

Intimacy is not about who you touch and kiss at 4pm when you are happy, it is about someone who you think when you feel broken, who touch your heart when you feel angry and who kiss your heart when you feel empty. It is not about physical contacts, it is about how mind and hearts connect.

Us (via sugacrush101)