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forgot I had this blog for a minute, ngl. not that this didn't also happen while I was actually still working there. anyways I have access to a blender now, which is nice. I have not used it.

#jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #blender

one time "oops, I did it again" by britney spears was playing and some old guy came up to order and went "if she has to say she's not that innocent maybe she's really not innocent" or smth. we were all like "hahaha yeah what do you want to order" but like excuse me what the heck did you think she was trying to say. have you ever heard this song in your life before and do you have any media literacy. sir this is a jamba juice

#jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #employee #work #customer service #music

one time I was working on a really slow day and this lady and her like 12-year-old daughter came up to get a smoothie for the daughter and were like. ordering from me at the register. and they wanted to know what boosts we had (daily vitamin, whey protein, soy protein) and she was like "oh well my daughter can't have soy so not that one" and her daughter was like "??? yes I can too have soy" and her mom was like "no you can't honey because all the soy is bad" or smth idek but I was like "oh I'm from Soy City™️ and idk anything about this. what's up with soy" (because I didn't think I agreed with whatever she was thinking and kinda wanted to push back a little) and she was like "oh my husband is from Soy City™️ too! and he says there's nothing wrong with normal soy, it's just the genetically modified stuff that's bad" and I went "oh that's interesting and I have never heard of it before in my life" and then she ordered a smoothie and we made it and they left and then I turned to the one other person working and said "that lady and her husband have never been alive to see soy that wasn't genetically modified"

#so that was my encounter with someone irl who believes the soyboy stuff. i do not if that was unclear #also a really good customer service interaction tbh #jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #employee #food #work #smoothie #drink #protein #soy #soy protein #customer service #customer #gmos #genetically modified food

changing in the walk-in fridge 👎 but at least they've fixed the lights so they're not constantly flickering (truly terrible)

#no idea what to tag this #what do i tag a post about changing my shirt in a refrigerator #fridge #jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #employee #walk-in fridge

red 40 crime scene inside of this cup (may have mixed a little pb moo'd with my cherry sprite)

#jamba #jamba juice #food #pb mood #pb moo'd #peanut butter moo'd #drink #smoothie #red 40

ur account is one of the few things preventing me from quitting my jamba job. ik others are going through the same struggle. (my coworkers don’t count they aren’t real)

rip I'm quitting soon... also I never post?? I post like once every other month? I'm glad you like my posts tho

#anon ask

bought bananas for the first time in a while and I keep accidentally peeling them all the way down right from the start (undesirable) because most of the bananas I've peeled in the past few years have been at the jamba juice bowl station, pre-slicing

#most of the bananas in my entire life probably honestly #jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #employee #food #work #fruit #banana #smoothie bowl

worked one single two-hour shift today during lunch and an hour into the shift I learned that I had been assigned to fill fruit. besties, it is not unusual for this task to take two full hours. that's my whole shift. why did they assign this to me. and during LUNCH no less. anyways I did finish it in an hour and ten minutes but that's only cuz we were out of a couple things. and I did stay late.

#jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #employee #work #food #fruit #food service

once again I think there is smoothie in my eyebrow

#jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #employee #cw food #work #smoothie #eyebrow

someone ordered a peanut butter banana protein smoothie (whey) and added chocolate powder, blue spirulina, daily vitamin, and a kale boost. honestly tastes the same, but it's kind of a pretty color.

#jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #employee #cw food #smoothie #jamba smoothie

just went to the bathroom and discovered I have been at work for like two hours with my fly fully zipped up but the button at the top not buttoned

#thank you old navy for making jeans that did not pants me when i did a forgor #jeans

m0uthbr3ather

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

skwinky

I always need this on my blog.

xopachi

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.

tootsiebb

Yes

kamari3

Happy Ten Years to the Bad Burrito Post

deadaaabattery

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

#I've been mentioned #i will not make you a burrito at jamba juice #actually i take that back we do have burritos at jamba juice #breakfast ones i think #idk they're sausage egg or smth #i don't like sausage so I've never tried one #but anyways. we don't put those in blenders #jamba juice mention

memorycycle

man what time is it im about to just clock out and go home rn lol *checks my phone* *the clock is scrolling thru time at like 999x speed* *i look around and everythings turning to sand and dust*

#i signed up to work 10 straight hours today for some reason #save me #work #employee

sometimes I crave the sourdough pretzels

#this is significant because they are not very good #they don't taste like sourdough pretzels #they taste like sourdough flavored pretzels #jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #cw food #bread

lady came in and was being very picky about her order. did the whole thing about how our juice is full of preservatives and is shelf-stable (highly untrue) and asked like five times if our fruit was real. like idk what do you think I'm putting in it

#also she said they did something for her at other locations #but at the same time apparently assumed that if we didn't do that one thing we must not have real fruit ??????#jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #employee #cw food #customer service

jamba-employee

making a playlist of mostly house music for work i want this jamba juice to feel like a party and i don't mean that in the 'fun work environment' way (that's good too tho). calling it "fruit rave"

jamba-employee

forgot I made this post. I have played it multiple times and it was a hit with at least two people.

#jamba #jamba juice #jamba employee #employee #playlist #music #fruit #house music

i have no problems with kale in smoothies actually i just don't really get why you would want a smoothie with kale as one of the top 2 most noticeable flavors

#smoothies #kale

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