You smile at your husband James from across your kitchen table. The light shines onto the $10,000 Property Brothers-designed linoleum island at the center of your kitchen.
“James,” you say, “I can’t believe you scored us tickets to BLACKPINK’s Coachella performance. I can’t wait for Lisa’s bangs to snatch my wig!”
He chuckles, reaching over to gently hold your hand. “Anything for my princess.”
You blush, your cheeks a dead ringer for Super Orgasm by NARS.
“James, you know how it makes me feel when you call me Princess,” you mutter under your breath.
James gets a text: “Your Uber Black to Coachella Valley is here!”
James’ ass cheeks bounce in the thong he’s wearing and you think to yourself, “this is gonna be a good day”.
You climb into the 2018 Toyota Corrolla and politely greet your driver, recognizing her as Australian hip-hop has-been Iggy Azalea. Iggy pulls of into the sunset, her subpar song Sally Walker blasting on the radio.
After checking into your $300,000 Airbnb, you finally make your way to the BLACKPINK concert, shaking as you realize you’re about to see your favorite queen Jennie perform live.
As you walk up to the stage, James stops you.
“Y/n, I have a surprise for you. I bought you tickets to meet BLACKPINK at their meet and greet.”
You make your way backstage, and there she is: Jenni. In the back of your mind, you get the sudden urge to dump James so you two can go solo, but you decide against it and make your way to Jennie. Just as you’re about to speak to her, you black out and wake up six hours later in James’ arms, having missed BLACKPINK’s performance.
“y/n, can you hear me?”
“Yeah, what happened?”
James sighs. “You were so excited to meet Jennie that you passed out and missed the entire BLACKPINK performance.”
As you start to feel sad that you missed the performance of your favorite queens on the planet, James whispers in your ear.
“Don’t worry, y/n...I’ll make you whistle like a missile...bom bom.”
