Life, Living, Love, Parenting

Things that relate to living a loving life to its fullest, as a parent and otherwise....

[jamesmergy]

10 parenting must-haves...

What are 10 things that parents must have?  Just one guys opinion over here from this little corner of the world.  Ready?

10)  A plan.  Parents, talk about your plan on how to parent together.  Be specific, talk about how you plan to handle this or that scenario.

9) Agreement.  Know ahead of time how you will react to certain situations.  If you do this, you wont actually react, you will respond ;)

8) A budget.  Parents need a shared and common understanding of the $.  Parents should pool their resources together.  The budget gets created each month. Have a planning conversation each month.

7) Commitment.  Be there for each other.  Through good and bad times, be there.  Your top commitments are  to each other, not yourselves.

6) Mentors.  Good people in your life who help you.  People who model what you are trying to model.  Close fiends who will speak honestly to you, even when it hurts.

5) A sense of humor.  Life is fun, at least some times.  Laughter.  What is better?  Laugh when you can, together is even better.  This is a good model for your kids.  When they see you laughing, its contagious.

4) Patience.  This could be number one.  For those times when you feel your head nearing explosion point.  When you are ready to unleash the beast, be patient.  Calm, peace.  Gentleness.  Sounds like the fruits of the spirit.

3) A backbone.  Sometimes, you have to stand your ground and follow through.  Your kids need you to demonstrate this so they can do the same with your grand kids.  

2) A partnership. Unity.  Be united, stand together, mom and dad.  Don’t let little schnookums divide and conquer.  What is yours is hers or his.  Decisions are made together, not in a silo.  

1) Love.  The king!  Love rules over all things.  Love overcomes bitterness hatred and jealousy.  Love is the firmament that holds everything in place.  Love each other and those kids, nothing matters more.

[jamesmergy]

Parents - something to strive for...

Oh yes.  Lots of ways to complete this thought. 

One for today.

My mom was up for a visit recently.  She was at our house for about 3 weeks, long enough for her to make a couple observations.  I heard her talking to my sister on the phone, she said something like this “Eunice, all of Jimmy and Joni’s kids are responsible for themselves.  They all go to work, school, get them selves up and moving, do you think we can get the girls to that point?”  The girls are my sister Eunice’s two young teenage daughters.

I liked how that sounded.  I appreciated the words from my mother.  I’m not sure they were intended for me as a *kindness - but rather just an outcome from listening to my mother chatting with my sister.

Parents - something to strive for, raise your kids to be adults.  That’s it.  Raise them up to be upstanding citizens.  If you start something, finish it.  If you say you will do something, then do it.  If something requires getting up at 6 am  , 3 mornings a week then get up at 6 am.  Be responsible.  Be a good steward of your responsibility.

I heard someone say, “Your kids are on-loan to you until they turn 18.” Translate. You are raising future adults.  Your kids are adults in training. 

Funny thought right? Funny and informative.

As your kids age and make more of their own decisions, you change from coordinator to guidance counselor to consultant.  Along the way, you help them to see the right and responsible thing to do.  When they hit 18, they are making all of their decisions within a framework of responsibility.

Any more than that, and ill be lecturing ;)

One day, your little boys will look like these fellas ;)

Or like these fellas.

Those are my boys with my girl - enjoying a little Pontillos.

[jamesmergy]

My Wife - the centerpiece...

She is simply the centerpiece of my universe, world and home.  I have said similar things before, but sometimes, I just observe things better than other times.  Let me explain.

A wise older man, married 60 years, was asked this question by a young man.  “Sir”, the young man asked,  “what is the most important thing you could teach me?”.  The man replied “listen to your wife”.

My wife is the center of our family.   Her selflessness is a key to that.  She is a mother, and as such, has a real, different connection to my kids than I do.  I have tried to drawn this picture in my minds eye of my wife at the center, kind of leaning back, her long blondish hair ;), streaming behind her.  Her hands are extended, her eyes closed, there is a light shining behind her or maybe eveb through her.  Connecting to her in every direction are cords or branches or something.  At the end of each are my kids.  Each of them with a deep connection to their mother.   My wife has a contented look about her as do her children.  I am going to try to get my future daughter in law to draw this image that I am trying to describe here.  

Image here - If I could ever get it out of my head and onto paper!  Joanna!?

My wife the counselor.  

With my second son, who is currently in process of transferring from Nazareth college to Oswego St. College and changing his major from Social Work to Public Justice - Dillon wants to be a probation officer...my wife simply listens, assures , directs, validates and eventually helps Dillon see what he should do.  She does not tell him what to do, she listens and helps him arrive at his options himself.  She asks questions and clarifies and sometimes informs, but always helps Dillon reach his own conclusions.  It is pretty neat to sit back and watch or to listen to Joni tell me about the happenings with Dillon.

My wife Joni and her dad “big Pappy” - looking very happy I might add....

My wife Joni - next to Derek, with Mom and David, our daughter Samantha and her fiance David and my youngest Joe.  Everyone around this table has a connection to my wife, even the newest member seems to have a real connection.

My wife the counselor.  

My daughter Samantha is getting married - that’s her above with her boy to the right, sitting..  My wife is great at helping Samantha keep a focus on what is real and imaginary when it comes to things like stress, drama and other types of things that come along with wedding planning.  No kidding.  I listen and hear her talking my daughter *down from places of high emotion.  Now Samantha is better, she has matured a lot over the past few years as it applies to dealing with emotion and drama, but it is still there and weddings are a real potential for emotion.  Think, cost, families, who to invite, what to wear, what not to do or say, how to keep all the key stakeholders happy....a tall order to be sure.  My wife just listens and suggests things, sometimes she counters my daughter with realism which if not immediately effective, it eventually takes its effect - calming and re-assuring.

My wife also gives council to my oldest and youngest sons. 

 They ask her things like “what about this or that or the other thing?”  “This is what I am planning on doing or going and with who”  “What shall I do about this situation or the other?”  Again, my wife simply listens, clarifies, directs and leads the boys to their own conclusions.  She does not decide for them.  She helps them see the picture more completely.  Sometimes she has them make a list, pro’s and con’s, or a chart to help with time management.  Its just fun to watch. Dillon? Derek?

Its a little like this, a little tongue in check - but only a little.  My kids ask me stuff like, “did you finish the milk?”  “what time is the game on?” or “did you throw away the .....”

Its all good.  Not pity party at all!  My wife is the glue of my household and life and deserves to be recognized as such.

the end.

[jamesmergy]

Camping out on the Appalation trail

Here it is folks. Hiking on the AT.

Take two.  We tried in August, but the 90 degree heat and humidity changed our plans.  On Friday - Sat - Sun 11/4-6.  My brave wife and I, our son Dillon and his girl Maddie and my daughter Samantha and her fiance David all went hiking two nights on the AT.  Additionally, my wifes mom and stepdad, Carol and David, meet us for part of the hike too!  We actually stayed at the KOA in Harpers Ferry the first night, then on the AT the second night.  We had about 25-30 lbs of stuff that we were caring, sleeping bag and mat, food and water for a day and our tents.  Let me just say it was a blast!  I love the exercise, the outdoors, the company, setting up camp, living close to the land, if only for a couple days.  Its must have been how our ancestors felt.  Sleeping under that stars or at least in a shelter in the outdoor under the stars.  We had pizza and beer on Friday night at the KOA, my daughter and son in law slept in hammocks, tree to tree - no real cover like a tent, a little brave, my wife thought.  It was a little chilly too.  I think it was 35 degrees on Sat. am.  Burrrrr, but invigorating.  A lot better than 90 plus humidity.   A lot better!

We hiked down a trail along the beautiful Potomac river until we header up a mountain for about 4 miles.

getting ready for the trip to the AT

Sun over the mountain on the AT

The winding AT...after crossing the railroad bridge and up the mountain... near Harpers Ferry

Beautiful view in historic cemetery near Harpers Ferry WV.

And finally, this maple caught in full fall transition - with the sun shining on it.  What a beauty!

I know too that my wife loved it.  My daughters fiance David loves it and my son Dillon really liked it.  Its a good bet that we will be doing a little more thru hiking on the AT, before we get too old.  When is that anyway?

Note to anyone who reads this.... take the time and go camping, or hiking.  anything with your family in the outdoors, away from all the technology and interruption of every day life.  Put down the phone and the rest of it and get out into the camp grounds and onto the trails - make some memories!!!!

[jamesmergy]

A snow day! - what we did, oh boy!

A snow day!  Checking my email at 5:30 am on a snowy windy morning... wait for it, ..... yes!

My wife and I both work in education.  A perk!  

Frame a wall, talk to yer boys, get in a workout, make some cookies, take the dogs out, shovel the driveway, take the 4 wheeler for a spin, pick up a new vehicle play some zombies and replace a sink faucet.

I know, I know, who cares!  Not many, but a few.  So let me unpack the day a little more.

I do appreciate a good snow day.  And we got a lot of snow, probably about 12 inches, it came all night and into the next day, along with lots of wind and drifting.  It really was a no brainer for the districts to call a “weather” day.

A couple pics to capture the outdoor fun.

Nice hangover huh?  Lots of wind blowing that snow around and drifting.  Our dogs appreciated the day.  Outside chasing the  4 wheeler around.  We have changes on the wheels, so no problem with the snow.  That thing dominated!  We actually tried shoveling from it, but that was a bad idea.  So, we created paths and moved the snow around, lots of fun!

My wife and traded in her car, a mustang convertible for a Jeep Wrangler, 4 door style.  The mustang was my girls dream care, she drove it for 4 years, not bad.  Time to move on into something a little bigger, safer and practical - and something that my wife likes, of course.  Enter sandman!  or at least Jeep man.  After 3 trips to different dealers and jeeps, we choose one and drove it home yesterday, in the snow.  Good timing!  

my girl and her Jeep!

How about a little lift and cardio?  We did 40 minute workout in our man cave, where we have smith machine, dumb bells and an elliptical.  10 min, switch, cardio to weights and back again.  Good stuff, be in it for the long haul, starring exercise!

How about talking with your boys, ages 18, 19 about their good friend who is getting married and having a bachelor party?  And what that is about.  Its a change to say things like “I don’t agree with this or that” but also a realistic change to says things like “I know you guys are going to be drinking.... so take care of each other, help each other and no one drives”.  Encourage them to make smart choices.  We are even going to let them take the Jeep up north to the party.  They are staying over night, back in the am.  Its a better car to drive up north and it shows a little trust.  My wife is a smart girl.

And finally, we have been talking about adding a partial wall near our bedroom, creating a real “master suite”.  This is a selling point but also gives us a little more privacy back, since we lost when we took down a room in our living room a few months back.  A visual of what I built yesterday, boys, you can hire me if you wish ;).

I framed it in carefully.  We will be adding a slide door with tinted glass - to allow a little light and class.  I will try to remember to update this post with a completed picture in the future.

And finally, a nice tuck in with my girl, juicy.

[jamesmergy]

What to keep from your phone?

I know, and odd title.  Today I was pulled into my google cloud /  drive for a work related function.  In doing so I was faced yet again with the issue of my phone running out of space and what to do about it.

Its just not that simple.  To put a parenting and family twist on it, its real hard deciding what not to keep.  Keeping in mind the sage principle that more is not always more.  I mean you cant keep everything, you should not keep everything, simply too much to keep.  So, what do you get rid of?  What is your filter?  Criteria?  Measure of worth?

Hmmm, let me say that pictures of my wife and kids top the list.  My dogs rank, social events, trips.  My kids are out of high school now, no more sporting event pics.  The rest?  Look at them again, one last time, smile and let them go.  Flushhhhhhhh....swirl swirl swirl.  Ditto with the videos.  What to keep?  A few, with the additional rule of if its over 60 seconds, shoot, 45 seconds even 30, dump it.

My phone is old.  It has 8GB of storage.  I could upgrade my phone and probably double my storage and not have a space problem.  But, that is really only kicking the can down the road.

Make your decision and move the keepers to your google cloud or some other cloud storage service.  In google case, their product is currently called drive.  Use your google drive service - free storage - currently 15 GB, free - as long as you have created a google email.

Cool.  Copy your stuff there.  Make some folders and move the files to your cloud then delete them from your phone.  If you create a folder on your computer, copy the keepers to it and upload the folder to the cloud, even better - you can do bunches at a time that way.

Now, when I want to add older pics to my blog post, I can browse to my drive space, rather than my phone.  Here goes, something from my google drive space...

Fish sticks sam and dillon, alaska cruze

derek in alaska...

sammy and luna at the manassas civil ware battlefield. (aka - bull run)

Joe at the end of volleyball career ...

I actually has to download images from my cloud to my local hard drive and then browse to it from here.  In other words, I was not able to, could not figure out how to or if I could, browse directly in my cloud space from this blog.  When you attempt a file insert in this software - the software browses the local system, the local hard drive and any other drives you may have mapped in your windows environment, BUT, you cannot browse to your cloud space, since its well, in the cloud and not on your local drive.  This may be something I am missing now or something that will come in future Windows software versions.  

One final note.  After I finished moving my keepers to my cloud and removing them from my phone, I only gained about 1.5 GB.  That’s something, but I remember a while back having about 60-70 % of my storage capacity on my phone free.  Powers of induction and reasoning suggest that its the apps and upgrades to your phone OS that are eating up your space.  That sucks.  What could be worse than loosing storage capacity on your phone NOT to your stuff but to system - software stuff.  The software and all it feature bloat gets pushed to my phone - lots of trips to the app store for upgrades to apps....ugh!

The end.

[jamesmergy]

Notes are nice - what are you sowing?

We got a thank you card from a friend of our son recently.  No big deal, it is protocol to write them after all.  

This particular note was a little special because the person who wrote it has been coming to our house for many years.  He has spent a lot of time around my wife Joni and I, our boys, daughter, friends.   

He has had lots of opportunities to inform his heart and brain around what its like hanging out at our house.  

Micheal is kinda the quiet observant type, thoughtful, well spoken, driven, responsible.  Trust me, I have seen him getting up early in the am to go to work at the golf course.  Micheal is what you would call “an all around fine young man”.  

This is the card Micheal wrote.

I especially like the part where he said 

  “you have taught me so much about love, life and relationships.”

 - that sounds a little like the name of this blog.

I appreciate very much that Micheal took the time to write this note and that he mentioned the things that he did about our house.  My wife Joni and I are firm believes in cultivating these type of virtues in our home, so it matters a lot when someone acknowledges them.  

People will live what you sow in your home.  Day to day, week to week, year to year, it matters, a lot!  People do notice, and appreciate the good things that are cultivated in their lives while living in yours.

This is Joe, Pic and Muskey...

[jamesmergy]

Woops, calm down daddy O

It was my wife's 50th birthday.  A big deal.  She did not want much, but still, a big deal.  Throughout the week, I encouraged my boys to write their mom a nice note.  Something from the heart that shows they really care.  Joni knows this, but it is still very nice when your kid takes time to put words to paper. 

Birthday evening arrived, and none of my boys had yet to write their note.  I reminded them again, emphasizing how nice it would be and how much their mother would appreciate the gesture.  I was specific and asked them to put the notes on the table around the wildflowers that I had gathered and placed in a glass jar.  

And then I went to bed. 

Upon awakening in the am, I walked out into the dining room and looked at the table...... wildflowers with no notes.  My blood pressure started rising immediately. My semi sleepy brain and body were waking quickly as a course of anger, and disappointment swirled through my veins.  I thought “what the %$##, how could they not leave a note for their mother...she does so much for them and they are selfish little .......”  and that’s when it happened.

I walked into the kitchen and there were the notes, sitting around another bouquet of flowers that had been picked earlier in the week.  My anger quickly dissipated and was replaced by gratitude and a little guilt.  If that was not enough, they also decorated the kitchen.  Balloons, happy birthday signs and cray paper streams.  

I was humbled by their thoughtfulness.

[jamesmergy]

I think I’m funny...

A man approaches a bridge when a knight steps in his way echoing “none shall pass!”  The man tries to step aside and the knight repeats “none shall pass!”

man: “what must I do to pass good sir knight?”

knight : “prove a sound retirement plan!”

man :

“um, well, ok.  My wife and I are retiring in a couple more years.  We both will have pensions that will pay us annually a combined 45,000.  As well, each of us have been contributing to a 403 B fund, that will have a combined value of 200,000. We will use that to pay our selves monthly.  Additionally, we have a health insurance benefit that will cover 80% of our health care cost.  And, we have another fund, a Health Reimbursement account worth about 25,000, that will cover the other 20 % over a 10 year per period.  Other assets include our house, that will be assessed at 165,000 and will be 90% mortgage free, with no other credit card, auto or home equity loans.”

knight: “Oh, right then, move along…”

man: “oh, right then, cherry oh”

knight: “wait, what is your favorite color?”...

[jamesmergy]

The King and Queen

I was driving to work today, beautiful sunrise, quiet country rounds on a Friday.  A good day to be sure.  A day that I am grateful for the commute to work.  As I pondered the paradox of life the people you love and their attitudes toward life.  A little vague, I know, but necessary to keep the focus where I would like it to stay.  The focus is on the King and Queen.  Dual virtues, each complimenting and lifting the other. 

Sometimes you get a little pissed.  Right?  About a lot of things.  One of those things are other people.  Before I continue, let me confess my own ability to irritate others.  People who I trust and love say things like this to me, “James, you are difficult, weird, too emotional, not emotional enough, apathetic or lazy. “ Moving on. 

What do you do with the anger or frustration that bubbles up from deep inside when people you love piss you off?   When you are having causal conversation and something is said and there goes your blood pressure.  I know, don’t let it upset you, people are entitled to their own opinions, you do not want little clones, do you?  No, not clones and yes people are entitled to their own opinion.  Maybe not entitled either, but they have a basic right anyway.  But the blood pressure, none the less, is real.

What to do..... what to do?

Probably nothing is the best response.  Apply the old wisdom “if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing”.  A little boring and anti climatic, you, after all, are also entitled to your opinion.  And damn it, I’m gonna give it.  My tongue is planted in my check.  Sometimes I may even bite it, which is a good thing, it means I kept my mouth closed.  But, lets consider for a moment the mouth opening.  What do you say?  Do you press your point?  Do you call out the thing that is angering you?  Do you stick out the famous Mergenthaler chin?  How bout adding a little volume? Point the finger?  Flip the finger?  or combine them in a flurry of helpful, relationship building utopia?

Do you allow the King and Queen to have their way?  Huh?  Do you close your eyes, breath deeply and remember the King and Queen, asking them to do their thing, King and Queen, please, the floor is yours.  Hello?  Mr. King? Mrs. Queen?  Paging..... Yes, yes.  We are here, here to save the day.

I saw the sunrise this am on my way into work - which reminded me of the King and Queen.

Who is the King, why love, of course.  The Queen? The perfect complement to love, humility.  There you have it.  Love and Humility. If you allow the King and Queen a seat at your table, they will do their magic.  Love is King, it wins.  It trumps all else.  When complimented by its Queen, it is a spectacle to behold.

A couple pics of my dogs, Duke and Jazz and my boys, Dillon and Joe.  Love and humility, the King and Queen.

[jamesmergy]

Words matter, a lot

What you say matters, a lot.  The tongue is responsible for many things.  Easy now.  Settle.  One thing it is responsible for is building up or tearing down.

What you immerse yourself in, to a large degree, is who you become. 

If you watch something where cussing is a virtue and truth telling is not, then you will tend to cuss and be less than forthcoming.  Ah yes, I can hear some of you now.  “That’s your opinion old man”.  I suppose, but it does not change the facts.

Words matter a lot.  In the Bible, there are lots of proverbs - that’s old time wisdom, that talks about guarding your mouth, your tongue.  When you are not sure of something, say nothing - that is much better than opening your mouth and letting folly come forth.  Ah yes, I can hear some of you again “Old man, why would I repress my thoughts or feeling on something?”.  Expressing yourself is practically a virtue, say some.  I think when you says things that are vulgar or tear something down, its not expression, but ignorance.  Choosing the correct words can mean the difference of starting a fire and someone actually listening to what was said.  There was a time in my life when I valued expression/opinion over most things.  But, life has taught me otherwise.  I have seen too many times, where words mattered, a lot.  And sadly, most of the time, the words resulted in pain, division or worse.

Now I sit in my early fifties and observe my grow children and listening to them talk and express themselves.  I find myself JLMing.  That’s code for “just listen more”.  Denying my mouth and tongue opportunity to espouse wisdom - which is the actual wisdom.  Did you see what I just did there?  Tricky right!

I ran across a Socratic principle today, the one about wiser is the man who admits he does not no than the fool who speaks as if he knows, when he does not.  That is a paraphrase that means if you do not know, do not pretend to know and keep your mouth closed.  Words matter a lot. 

It also reminds me of a song from a Christian pop band named Hawk Nelson.  Words can build you up, words can bring you down.  That song is about choosing your words carefully.  That what you say can either build up or tear down.  Encourage or destroy.  Up or down.  Choose your words carefully.  And, if you are not sure, say nothing.  Instead, control your mouth, listen, try to understand the situation, emotion etc.

I was having a conversation with one of my kids recently when they said “at so and so’s house, there were a lot of f bombs” and other nefarious language, I added the nefarious part.  The point?,  that it matters.  The words we speak matter.  To push that a little further, they become who we are, what we think and believe.  Language has a special way a power almost of painting a picture.  I am reminded how far our language has fallen, even in the last couple generations.  Watching TV, movies, books you name it.  Almost any type of entertainment has cheapened out language, removing from it beauty and eloquence and replacing with vulgarity and insult.  But now, I am digressing.

Words matter a lot.  Use them carefully and with reservation.

[jamesmergy]

What do you give someone who has lost a loved one?

We have all been there.  Someone close to us loses a loved one.  It is hard, it is awkward, you don’t always know what to say.  You may have even hesitated to go somewhere because you did not want to run into so and so because they lost a loved one and you do know what to say.

I have heard people say things like that, “I just don’t know what to say or do...”  “I really do not want to go because so and so will be there and I did not go to the calling hrs or am not sure what to say...”

These are valid points and do not need to be ignored or swept under the proverbial rug.  It is hard.  It is awkward.

A co-worker of mine, Carlotta, lost her mother recently.  I saw her today in the hallway.  I stopped and told her I was sorry for her loss, gave her a hug and listened and listened and then asked her a couple questions about her mom.  She talked and talked about her mom, her final moments, the last few weeks and much more.  All I had to do was listen and ask a couple questions about her.  I asked Carlotta what her mom was like, what she liked to do.  I just listened.  And, in doing so, honored Carlotta and her mom.

It ain’t about you, and your “uncomfortable phobia”.  Its not about not knowing what to say.  Its not about not having spoken to someone in a long time. 

Man up, shut up and honor people by expressing your condolences and listening. 

If the moment allows, ask a couple questions, listen, and then ask another.  In doing so you honor them.

This idea is so simple, its obvious, but only if you are not looking and thinking about yourself.

That’s it. 

[jamesmergy]

A reminder about what is really really really the most important thing....

yes, those guys are important.  They are two of my sons supporting my other son at his volleyball game this year.  Good boys, men.  Very important.  But not the most important...

These three knuckleheads, whom I have the privilege of mentoring in our Youth cub program.  Very important, yes.  But not the most important...

Me old mum.  Whom I love dearly.  She had a heart attach a couple weeks back and is making a nice recovery.  Go mom!  Mom is very important, but not the most important....

This little old fellas name is Charlie.  He is my buddy.  Charlie lives across the street from where I work.  He is old and mostly alone.  We have become fiends.  I watch out for him and bring him stuff, take him out to lunch, etc.  Charlie is important to me.  But not the most important thing....

That’s my youngest son, # 10.  Joseph is very important.  His live, his decisions, very important.  I love him dearly, but he is not the most important thing....

There is my precious daughter Samantha, who lives far away now ;(.  she is my oldest, my only girl, my baby, my princess.  You know I love her, just ask my boys, they all think I show favoritism ;).  But, she is not the most important thing...

This, The cross our our Lord.  Is so very important.  Jesus Christ is probably thee most important, but today, even our Lord takes a back seat to the most important thing in my life, period.

Wait for it.....

Ready?

What is the really really really most important thing in my life....

My wife Joni.  Who, last week out to dinner almost died.  That may be a little dramatic, but she did choke on a piece of meat and had a stranger perform the Heimlich maneuver on her.  No kidding.  Its a very scary thing, understatement of the year.  It all happened real fast and left us both in a slight state of shock, no kidding.  She is my live, the person I do life with, the person who I hang out with and plan for the future with, the person I raised my children with, wait, the person whom I had children with.  What would my life be like without her?  Oye, not something I can fathom, even a little.

[jamesmergy]

Dad - get off the coach....

Two nights in a row!  Unbelievable.  Well, believable, but a little uncanny anyway.  What you ask?  What you talking about willis?

The other night, it was about 8pm, I had just finished my evening usefulness - sat down on my bed with the remote in hand to settle in for a little end of the day tv (its kinda my routine) when BLAMMO - in walks my 18 year son Dillon.  Dillon had just come home from work at Pontillos (the best pizza in the entire land, btw) and says “dad, wanna shoot some hoops?”  Well, what am I supposed to do? Say no?  No, I’m not going to say no.  Even though I was ready to chill and relax, I remember that as a parent, I am on standby.  Soon enough, Dillon will be moved out and will not be around to ask me to play bball at 8pm on a gorgeous late spring evening. So, we played.  3 games.  Horse, 21 and around the world.  The big 3.  No one on one, my knee is a little sore, plus he would kick my butt ;.  Indecently - Dillon won the first game and I won the next two.

This is Dillon and I after our game

And, we talked more than we have in a couple weeks.  That is the deal - be on standby and when your kid says “Hey, you wanna.....”, you better - that is where life is often lived and where the connection occurs.

On to the very next night.....ready for this?  Its about 8pm, my wife and I had just finished cleaning up our dinner, walking the dogs and going for a cycle around the block - about 6 miles - a beautiful night!  I was headed for my room to sit on my bed to watch a little game 1 of the Stanley cup finals (Chicago at Tampa) when it happened AGAIN.  This time, it was my almost 17 year old Joseph.  He calls out from the man cave “hey old man, wanna get schooled on the court?” or something very similar.  The irony was think in the room, I could feel it anyway.  In my head, I was experiencing a whirl of joy, trepidation, excitement. 

How could I say no?  No, I will not say no.  I would rather have plopped down on my bed and chilled out, but when you son asked you to do something with him.....ya better not say no.  Be on standby!  This is a recording.

So, off to the court we went, only this time to play one on one - I am a little more willing to play one on one against Joseph - he is a little smaller than Dillon - but honestly, he plays just as hard.  By the end of the game, I had a little fat lip, a sore knee, and a small bruise on my head - from his elbows.  But - it was fun AND it is bonding. 

Sometimes when there is not a lot of anything else to talk about or do together - there is always something - in my case, perhaps its basketball.  Be on alert and when you kid wants to do something with you, do it.  Just do it.

Me and Joseph after our game

BTW - the old man was victorious 21-13.

The legendary mergenthaler bball court.

And I am having lunch with my oldest son Derek on Saturday - we made a date today - it was me reaching out to him, since I have not see him much the past week or so. I text him and said hey, wanna have breakfast Saturday when you get up?  He said “Sure pops, when?” - I said when you get up, late morning - whenever.  He said “Sounds good, love ya”.... and there it is.  

This is wife and Derek

Life is good.

[jamesmergy]

A wonderful weekend....

We took a trip this weekend to see our daughter Samantha and her boy David.  It was a quick weekend, as most are.  We drove to their palace in northern Va Thursday night, and stayed until Sunday morning.  A whirlwind to be sure, but what could be better?

We arrived Thursday about 11:30 pm.  Sam and David were waiting up for us.  We also got me Davids sister Julia.  Julie is 22 and about to start working at the FDA swabbing Rats vaginas.  Sorry, I had to say that - it could have been a Facebook post - but a little too salty for that (that is a larger audience than this).   She is a funny girl!  

I got up early friday am to see my daughter off to work, and david.  They left around 8 am.  This also allowed me to take Luna for a walk.  Luna is there new little baby girl - German Sheppard style. :).  That was lots of fun.  We walked out back of their house, down a trail and back around.  Luna taught me that sheppards, even at 10 weeks, like to well....sheppard.  She kept stopping and sitting and looking at me, even while I was walking away.  I would say “come here Luna”, and clap my hands together and she would gather her gangly little self and come running to me, very sweet.  Samantha pointed out to me later that, that was the sheppard in her.  Sheppards will wait and come behind to ensure all the creatures are accounted for.

After the walk, my wife was awake and she joined me for a little lounging around while listening to some good ole country music courtesy of MWJQ in DC.  We drank coffee, listened to music and wrote a couple blessings for our youngest boys, who were on a retreat.  We ended up using Jonathan and Joseph of the bible as our men who most reminded us of our boys.  Dillon = jonathan, Joseph = joseph.  I really enjoyed doing this.  On Sunday, upon arrival of the boys back to the church, we read each to them - over them.  God is good.

Later, Joni and I took a short drive to the local Giant and got some good food and drinks for dinner that night.  Steaks and Blue moon.  and a few other things. Yum.  When we got back to the house, we played with Luna some more and took a walk around the block.  The neighborhood reminded me a lot of where we used to live in Maryland when Samantha was a baby.  The irony is not lost on me.   Sammy and David arrived home from work around 5 at which point we cracked our first beer and bottle of wine.  We cooked up the steaks and salmon, while the ladies also made mashed potatoes and green beans - and then sat down to a wonderful dinner around 7 pm.

With full bellies and hearts we then watched a movie called Wild - which Samantha really wanted to watch, since she and Joni had read the book.  After a little initial resistance - the movie picked up and was actually pretty good.  I’m sure the book was even better.  While watching that, I consumed 3 chocolate eclairs ;) - yum.  It was warm and they were cool and sweet.  Sam had one too.

Time for bed and sleep, even through the room upstairs was a little warm for our taste.  Seems Julia in the basement would get froze out if we turned up the AC.  Hmmmmm - they will have to work that out - perhaps next time we bring a big box fan.  Sat. am arrived quickly and I was up about 7am - watched a little sportscenter and civil war drama on their cool beans chromecast technology TV.   I took Luna for another walk - this time into the little creek out in the woods.  Funny, she was a little hesitant to go in, so i gave her a little encouragement. ;), she loved it, drinking it, splashing around, chasing a water bug.  It was nice.

I went for a walk to the Giant and back - with a little running sprinkled in and did 110 pushups - I know, who cares.  Back to the house to get ready for a day on the boat on the Magothy river.  Davids parents own a beautiful home on the river along with a big ole ocean liner.  At least 35 ‘ anyway.  Like a river RV.  Our gracious hosts served us drinks and snacks as we sailed down the river to a point where we chilled for a couple hrs and got to know each other.  It was splendid!  Around 6, we headed back and were treated to a delicious dinner complements of David, his mother Judy and sister Julia.  What a feast!

Davids parents Judy and Geo - John

David and Sam 

and me and Zowey

My wife Joni, daughter Samantha and David - the Mexican hit man.

And just like that, it was Sunday morning and time to hit the road.  I am great-full for a weekend packed with Love, Life and Living.

[jamesmergy]

Do not FRET - make it happen

Fret fret fret.  I don’t have time!  I have too much to do.  That weekend is booked.  We already have plans that weekend. My head is going to explode.  

We can’t have exploding heads, so something has to give.  Take a deep breath, take another, relax, its all good.  Do not sweat the small things, yes, it is a small thing, probably.  Almost everything is a small thing. Reassess and make it happen!

My daughter moved to VA a couple years ago.  We miss her a lot.  Here she is, with her very cute little 10 week old German Shepard named Luna.

We, my wife and I, here we are

had not been down to VA in almost a year to see our girl.  Lots of cool things had happened in her life over the past 12 months.  New job, new home, new boyfriend, here he is - with no hair.

new dog.  His name is David.  David and Samantha have come to NY to see us a couple times over the past 12 months.  Which we are very great-full for.  One of the trips was a surprise - when this nice young fella agreed to drive 360 miles north after work one Friday night.  Which, incidentally, is a very good sign that he is a keeper.  

We made lots of new friends this trip, here are two of them

This is Luna

This is Zoey.  They are my buddies.

To my point.

When life gets crazy, busy, full of head exploding details, when every weekend seems to fill up and the important things keep seeming to get pushed back, stop, breath, pray, talk, make a list, consider carefully what is most important, where there may be a little flex, where something could be moved, if something could be moved and ...... move it.  Make it happen - try not to fret too much about making it happen, just do it.  Something else may have to give a little, in our case, there was a retreat weekend for our youngest boys that we wanted to be part of, but after a little prayer/thought/discussion, we changed our plans and took the road trip to see our little snookums, her boy, the boys parents, the new house, the doggies and a really nice big boat.

I think the secret is this.... ready for it..... wait for it.....

Its a common theme for me.....

Stay calm and rock on. ;)

Parents - you cannot make everyone happy all the time.  You can only try to see the entire picture and make the best decision at that time.  Relax, stop fretting, consider the larger picture, pull the trigger and move on.

Enough said.  Ok, one more picture - too cute not to post. 

My girl, my other girl and captain Ahab in his Mexican sun hat.

[jamesmergy]

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